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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27450943">Invisible String</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartxbrittana/pseuds/heartxbrittana'>heartxbrittana</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Glee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Dancer Brittany S. Pierce, F/F, Fate &amp; Destiny, Fluff and Angst, Gay Santana Lopez, Kid Santana Lopez/Kid Brittany S. Pierce, Protective Santana Lopez, Quinn Fabray &amp; Santana Lopez Friendship, Red String of Fate, Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce Fluff, Song: invisible string (Taylor Swift)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:16:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>237,739</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27450943</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartxbrittana/pseuds/heartxbrittana</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Brittana AU (some canon), loosely based on the film: Love,Rosie.</p><p> Santana and Brittany have been best friends since the age of five, always with the same dream. As life takes it's course, will they stay close or drift apart? "There is something to be said about two people who find each other time and time again. No matter what situations they end up in, or how far apart they become"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>96</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>88</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Glee Fanfics, Glee Fanfiction</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Present Day</strong>
</p><p>Santana stares into space, deep in thought and breathing heavily. One hand rest on her thigh, stroking the creases on her dress in an attempt to self soothe. The other, wrapped around the stem of her wine glass tightly, but not tight enough to shatter the glass.</p><p>In just a few moments time she'd be expected to make her eagerly awaited 'maid of honour' speech, and all eyes would be on her as she followed the protocol of sharing precious memories made with her best friend, cracking jokes and entertaining the audience with embarrassing stories from the past, and toasting the happy couple for a happy future ahead, blessing them with lovely words. That was the part she worried about the most.</p><p>How was she going to do this?</p><p><em>"Take a deep breath and start at the beginning"</em> Santana told herself "<em>Tell them how we 1st met"</em></p><p>She cast her mind back to that day in Kindergarten</p><p>
  <em>"Santana, this is Brittany, I'd like you to be her buddy and look after her this week." Said Mrs Melvyn, ushering a blonde teary child towards the confident, dark haired Latina.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was Santana Lopez's 1st day at school, and like everything else she had taken to it like a duck to water. School didn't faze her. Brittany S. Pierce on the other hand was struggling with the adjustment and had started crying as soon as her mother stood up to leave.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mrs Pierce had reluctantly left her precious daughter crying, and in the trust of Mrs Melvyn, a friendly but firm woman with years of teaching experience. Mrs Melvyn was able to tell immediately which children were going to settle in quickly like Santana, and which ones were going to take a little longer, like Brittany.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As she did every year, she would buddy up a settled child with a struggling one, in the hope the settled child would be able to pull the struggling one out of their comfort zone. Sometimes it didn't work, and the 2 children would clash, sometimes it did, and the children would become good friends. And sometimes, such as the case with Brittany and Santana, fate would lay a hand and a friendship would be built to last a lifetime.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana smiled at the responsibility suddenly stowed upon her and smiled at the girl in front of her, who was slightly taller than her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hi Brittany, I'm Santana. Don't be upset, school is meant to be fun, would you like to go over there and play with the princess castle?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany chewed the sleeve of her jumper and eyed Santana suspiciously for a moment, before turning towards the princess castle in the corner with a hesitant smile. She loved princesses, and fairies and unicorns, and the castle did look pretty spectacular. As if she could read her mind, Santana spoke again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I hear they even have the Unicorn Barbie set'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany turned back towards the pretty Latina girl and removed the sleeve from her mouth, as Mrs Melvyn stood behind her looking at the 2 girls expectantly, in hope that her plan had worked to coax Brittany out of her shell.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Okay" said Brittany in a quiet shy voice.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And with that the two girls headed off to play, Mrs Melvyn heading off with a smile to "buddy up" her next set of children. As the girls sat down to play, Santana turned to Brittany.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't worry Britt-Britt, I will take care of you now"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And with that Santana extended out her pinkie finger to make a promise to Brittany. It is something she always did with her Abuela, and now she was extending the gesture to Brittany, who with a hint of uncertainty reached out to link pinkies with her new friend. As their fingers linked, Brittany smiled at Santana. She believed her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>From that day on they always linked pinkies, and Santana always promised to take care of Brittany, no matter what.</em>
</p><p>Santana smiled at the memory; she had always been so protective of Brittany. She was her best friend since the age of 5, and Santana really needed to pull it together today to give her the speech she deserved.</p><p><em>"Tell them about all the dreams we shared</em>" Santana thought to herself, still musing about the speech.</p><p>
  <em>9-year-old Brittany and Santana were giggling together, high on sugar from all the sweets and chocolates they'd devoured, at one of their many sleepovers. Mr Lopez could hear their laughter from downstairs and had complained about the noise to his wife many times.</em>
</p><p><em>"Oh, George just leave them be. That sound is young innocence and we should enjoy it while we can. In a few years' time, Santana will be a moody teenager.</em> <em>You'll miss the sound of her laughter when it's replaced by slamming doors" said Maribel.</em></p><p>
  <em>George sighed and shook his head, turning his attention back to his newspaper.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"San, I wonder where we will live when we're grown up"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm not sure Britt-Britt, but what I do know is we'll live together. You and me, me and youuuu, both of us togetherrrrr'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana sang playfully, making Brittany laugh along with her. It was then Brittany realised the familiar mischievous glint in Santana's chocolate orbs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Let's see where we are going to live" she giggled, as she dragged Brittany over to the globe on her windowsill.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Spin the globe Britt, I'll close my eyes and pick a place and the place where my finger lands on, is the place we will live together forever."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany giggled as she spun the globe, time with Santana always meant so much laughter, and she especially loved her best friends' spontaneous side. She truly believed everything Santana said, so if she said this was where they were going to live when they were older, then that is where they would live. Brittany just hoped it wouldn't be too far from their home and families in Lima, Ohio.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The globe game to a stop as Santana's hand landed on it, and the two girls nervously looked at each other with a smile. To them, their whole fate laid underneath Santana's small hand. The girls dropped their gaze to the globe, as Santana counted down from 3 to reveal the mystery place.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"3….2….1"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"New York!" the girls excitedly squealed at the same time.</em>
</p><p>Again, Santana smiled at the memory. They had built on their dreams since that day, and their childhood games became real hopes and dreams. All through high school, they talked about moving to New York together. Santana would go to NYU to study law, and Brittany would go to Julliard to study dance. That was their big dream, and in-between that they shared small dreams and everything in between, even Brittany's weird dreams.</p><p>
  <em>"I had a dream last night" said Brittany, as she turned towards Santana.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The two of them were huddled under a myriad of blankets in their homemade den. They were 13 now, and Santana secretly thought they were perhaps too old to be making dens, but it made Brittany happy, so she never said anything. Besides, she would never grow tired of huddling up close to her best friend, sharing secrets and dreams, and giggling into the early hours of the morning.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana looked at Brittany with a smile, indicating for Brittany to carry on, she had her full attention.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You know rowing boats? And how they have that curvy thing that holds the ore?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana nodded, confused as to where Brittany was going with this.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well… that was me in the dream. I was the curvy thing"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana let out a smile, this was just typical Brittany. She had such an eccentric way of thinking both consciously and unconsciously. At school she was often teased for this, with many people calling her stupid, but she wasn't stupid. She had a different way of thinking but she wasn't stupid, Santana knew this, and was one of the only ones to fully understand Brittany's mind. She thought Brittany's mind was beautiful, and she never let anyone get away with being mean to Brittany. Next year, the girls would be going to high school, and Santana had already began putting steps in place to secure their popularity. Nobody would be teasing Brittany.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana reached out her pinkie and linked with Brittany</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Sounds like a great dream Brit." She smiled.</em>
</p><p>"Maybe I'll keep that one as our secret" she thought, laughing silently at the memory. Suddenly the sound of a spoon clinking against a champagne flute brought Santana back to reality. It was Quinn, and she was looking at Santana expectantly, prompting her to stand up and do her speech as the room started to quieten.</p><p>Santana sighed. She had to pull it together, show how happy she was for her best friend, for her Brittany.</p><p>She stood up and cleared her throat, hoping the guests wouldn't see right through her and sense the nerves in her voice.</p><p>"Hi everyone" she started, glancing down at the tattered bit of paper that held her speech, with numerous annotations and crossings out.</p><p>"For those I haven't had a chance to say hi to properly, I'm Santana, Brittany's best friend." She offered a small half-wave to the crowd, before sucking in ready to say the next bit. <em>Be authentic Santana, be authentic.</em></p><p>"And this has got to be one of the happiest days of my life…"</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>Hi guys- Hope you're enjoying the story so far! It's a slow burn, but it'll be worth it I promise :) Would love to know your thoughts!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I created a video trailer for if this fanfic was a movie if you wanna see what's to come. If you don't want any spoilers, don't watch it! If you search Brittana Invisible String Trailer on YouTube it should come up, or my channel name 'Brittana Videos' :)</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>12 years earlier</strong>
</p><p>It was Santana's 18th birthday, and she was making sure everybody knew about it. Finn Hudson, the popular school Quarterback turned 18 three days before Santana, and he was throwing a huge party to celebrate. Santana and Brittany were of course invited, they were hot, popular cheerleaders, so their presence was expected at every party.</p><p>When Finn had found out the day of his party fell on Santana's actual birthday, he had agreed to make it a joint one. Santana always held some power over Finn, as not only was she extremely persuasive, he fancied the hell out of her.</p><p>They had kissed a few times in the past, and he was always trying to pursue her, but Santana always shot him down. He wasn't the best kisser, but he was attractive, and he was a safe bet. After-all he was captain of the football team and she was head cheerleader; they would have been a shoo-in for prom king and queen. That would have meant the world to Santana in Junior Year, but as a Senior she couldn't care less.</p><p>She was going to go to prom with Brittany anyway, as she'd just split from her boyfriend Artie. Santana always thought Brittany was <em>way</em> too good for Artie, and had been secretly pleased by the split.</p><p>When her birthday had rolled around, she had told her parents she was just going to have a low-key sleepover at Brittany's house, they'd order a pizza and watch a film. She suspected they probably knew something, because her mother had told her to be careful with a raised eyebrow as she left out the door that night.</p><p>Brittany could never lie to her parents, so she told them about the party, but luckily the Pierce's were very free spirited and encouraged Brittany to make her own decisions in life. Brittany didn't think they'd be so happy if they knew how much alcohol she planned on consuming, particularly since she was underage, but she chose not to tell them that part.</p><p>"Not telling someone something isn't as bad as lying, especially if it's to protect their feelings" she surmised.</p><p>The party was well underway, and both Santana and Brittany were drunk, Santana more so, but it was her birthday. Finn had been lurking around Santana like a bad smell, who looked amazing in a tight black dress, low cut so that it enhanced her cleavage. Brittany was rocking the edgier look, with high waisted jeans and a crop top, showing off her toned stomach.</p><p>As Finn approached again, Santana dragged Brittany away towards the makeshift bar. They both slammed another Tequila shot, Santana going in for a 2nd, before dragging Brittany to another part of the dance floor and moving again to the music.</p><p>Just like they always did, they had been dancing close together all night, grinding up on each other and causing quite the stir among all the men at the party, and some of the ladies too. Santana stood back to drink in Brittany, who was lost in the music. Brittany had always been the most incredible dancer, and Santana knew she wanted to mould against her and dance with her. She was so inviting.</p><p>With that Santana placed her hands-on Brittany's shoulders and pulled herself towards her, closing the gap between them. She began to rock steady against Brittany's beat, ignoring everyone else around them. Through drunken eyes, she raised her head to look up at the taller girl, who looked to be in a world of her own until her eyes met with Santana's. Brittany smiled; she was happy Santana was enjoying herself so much, especially on her 18th birthday. She had her arms wrapped around Santana's back, and she wondered if she was half holding her up.</p><p>Their eyes continued to meet, until Santana's eyes began to flicker down to Brittany's lips, causing Brittany's heart to skip a beat.</p><p>"Did Santana do that on purpose?" she wondered to herself. Brittany had always found Santana extremely attractive, and she found the chemistry she had with her to be like no other, even when she was with Artie who she said she loved. She had started to realise in the past few months that she might be bisexual, or at least bi-curious. She hadn't told anyone this, not even Santana who she told everything to, she wanted to figure it out for herself 1st and be sure. Besides even if she did tell Santana, it wouldn't change anything between them. She was sure as hell that Santana was straight, and she could have any man she wanted, she was gorgeous. Even now as she looked over to the other side of the room, she could see Finn and at least 10 other guys checking her out. She was snapped out of her thoughts by Santana, who glanced down at her lips again.</p><p><em>"She did it again"</em> Brittany thought. This caused Brittany to look at Santana's plump lips. They were so juicy and inviting, and she longed to kiss them. She subconsciously found herself moving in closer to Santana.</p><p><em>"What am I doing!?"</em> she was about to stop herself and pull back, when she noticed Santana was also moving in. Brittany's heart was beating fast at this point, and her head was spinning, both from the alcohol and the adrenaline.</p><p>Suddenly their faces were touching, and Brittany felt like all the sound around her had been sucked away, like it does when you are about to pass out. Only she wasn't about to pass out, she was about to kiss Santana. They stayed like that for a moment, with their faces pressed together, their bodies still moving slowly to the music, their noses gently rubbing together, until Brittany could handle it no more. She moved her lips towards Santana, her hands still encircled around her back, pulling her in closer, but she was so scared. She couldn't bring herself to make the connection, Santana was very drunk, and she herself wasn't far behind her. What if this ruined everything?</p><p>She was about to pull away and laugh it off, when she felt Santana inch closer. Her eyes closed, her lips parted, her breathing heavy, like she was waiting for Brittany to initiate the kiss, and Brittany couldn't resist no more. She inched in and with parted lips they connected, as she sucked slightly on Santana's bottom lips, she could swear she heard a slight moan. They kissed a few seconds longer before pulling away and looking at each other through lust filled eyes.</p><p><em>"Yep, definitely bisexual"</em> Brittany said to herself.</p><p>They continued to look at each other, Santana with a drunken but seductive smile, and Brittany unsure whether to move in again and carry on the kiss, or to say something. Santana's eyes moved to Brittany's lips again, so Brittany took that as her cue to go with the former. She began to inch closer, as Santana moved her arms from Brittany's shoulders up towards her neck, when suddenly she lost her grip and fell with a thud on the floor.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the morning after her 18th birthday and Santana woke up with a very sore head, to the sound of a knock on the door. The sunlight was beaming directly at her through a gap in the curtains and she winced and turned the other way. She could hear Brittany's voice downstairs along with her mothers.</p><p>"Brittany, do come in, you must have hosted sleepover of the year last night by the state Santana was in, and you yourself weren't much better" said Maribel with a raised eyebrow, casting her mind to the night before, where she had received a phone call from Whitney Pierce informing her that Santana had consumed a lot of alcohol.</p><p>Brittany had called her parents right after Santana fell, and the Pierce's had picked both girls up and brought them back to their house, before Whitney called Maribel apologetically at 3am. She said Santana was more than welcome to stay with them, but felt Maribel had a right to know, filling her in with everything. This included the fact they were at Finn Hudson's party, and not a sleepover.</p><p>Despite the Pierce's insistence that they were more than okay to keep hold of Santana until morning, Maribel didn't want them to have the burden of her drunken unruly daughter, especially when they had Brittany to deal with in a similar state. So, she drove the 5 minutes to the Pierce's house where Brittany and Santana were sprawled out on the sofa, both looking worse for wear. Maribel acted firm and cross as she hoisted Santana off the couch, apologising profusely to the Pierce's for having to go collect her in this state, but inside she was laughing slightly. She had been in this state herself at Santana's age, and hopefully the hangover she'd have in the morning would put her off at least until her 21st birthday. She was thankful her husband was on a night shift, as he would not see a funny side at all to his daughter's irresponsible behaviour.</p><p>"Mrs Lopez, I'm so sorry that we lied to you. How is she?". Brittany stuttered feeling very guilty. She never called Maribel 'Mrs Lopez', but felt in this moment she needed to be polite. She already knew her parents had told Maribel everything about their true whereabouts.</p><p>"She's still sleeping, I imagine she'll be feeling terrible. I'm hoping so anyway, means she's less likely to do it again. Anyway, I'm glad you're here to wake her, she's not sleeping all day and wasting the day."</p><p>"It was totally my fault, the whole thing!" Brittany blurted. She knew Santana's parents could be quite strict, especially her dad. She glanced around anxiously wondering where George was.</p><p>"I'd love to believe you Brittany, I really would, I just happen to know my own daughter" It was as if Maribel sensed Brittany's curiosity "It's lucky George was on a night shift and didn't see her in the state she was in. He went straight to bed so he's still none the wiser".</p><p>Their conversation was suddenly distracted by Santana herself appearing at the top of the stairs, looking as fragile as her mother had hoped, wrapped in her bedsheets.</p><p>"Why is everybody shouting?" she groaned.</p><p>Maribel shook her head at Santana before heading into the kitchen, giving the girls silent permission to go upstairs, she would talk with her daughter later.</p><p>"I'm so embarrassed about last night" Santana moaned, flopping back on to her bed.</p><p>"No San don't, you don't have to be" Brittany assured, following behind Santana and shutting the bedroom door to give them some much needed privacy.</p><p>"But I behaved so badly!" Santana shrieked, burying her head into her pillow.</p><p>Brittany giggled at her friend's dramatic behaviour and plopped down onto the bed next to her, resting her elbows on Santana's legs, which were covered by the bed sheets. She thought back to their kiss. She hadn't been able to get it out of her head.</p><p>"Well it could be good too" Brittany suggested. She didn't care if their behaviour ended up getting them grounded and potentially banned from senior prom, she was just so happy about the kiss. Something good had definitely come of the night. Santana suddenly turned to look at Brittany with a frown, as if she thought she was crazy.</p><p>"Good?" Santana questioned "I feel sick even thinking about it"</p><p>Brittany's face suddenly dropped. She had enjoyed their kiss so much she hadn't even considered that Santana might be feeling the complete opposite.</p><p>"Like…wh..which part?"</p><p>"All of it." Santana clarified, making Brittany's heart sink once more. "It never happened basically…you can't tell ANYONE"</p><p>Brittany felt like the wind had been sucked out of her. She had never felt this bad, not when she found her dad drinking 'Santa's milk' and found out that Santa was never real, not when her cheerleading coach had kicked her off the team temporarily for her poor grades, not even when she split up with Artie. But she had to carry on as normal for the sake of their 13-year friendship. Act unbothered, laugh it off.</p><p>"Right" Brittany laughed, before being interrupted by Santana's younger brother, Pablo.</p><p>"Sanny got drunk, Sanny got drunk!" he chanted "Hey Brittany she was sick all over Mami's car THREE times, and on the steps outside the house. I can't wait to tell Papi all about this."</p><p>"Shut up Pabby, you'll do nothing of the sort, unless you want me to tell him all about the magazines under your bed while we're here." Pablo looked down sheepishly. "Didn't think so".</p><p>Santana rolled her eyes as her little brother skulked out the room, before turning her attention back to an upset looking Brittany. Santana guessed she must be feeling pretty hungover too.</p><p>"How did we get home from the party?" asked Santana</p><p>"My parents picked us up, I had to call them, because they knew we were at Finn's anyway. They didn't know how much alcohol would be involved so I've had more than an earful this morning. They called your mom because they needed to let her know the state you were in and your mom insisted on coming to pick you up. Don't worry though, I told your mom it's all my fault, and that I'm a terrible influence"</p><p>"Oh well you are" Santana flirted, sitting up to touch Brittany's arm, causing Brittany to let out a sad smile.</p><p>"Anyway, my punishment is I have to spend 2 hours every day in the library for two weeks".</p><p>"Nightmare" Santana scrunched her face sympathetically.</p><p>"Well it could be worse, at least it will help get my grades up, it's a blessing in disguise" Brittany reasoned. Still shocked by Santana's earlier reaction to their kiss, Brittany decided to throw something in to test the waters.</p><p>"Sam Evans just got a job there"</p><p>"A job doing what? Using his giant pillow sized lips as a trampoline so people can bounce up on them when the books are too high to reach?" Santana scoffed. This was the 2nd time Brittany had mentioned the blonde guy from out of town, and she did not see the appeal at all. Brittany was way too elite for him.</p><p>"I think his lips are kind of cute. I think he's kind of cute in general" Brittany pushed. She wasn't lying, yes part of her was saying this to get a raise out of Santana but, she really did think he was cute.</p><p>Santana couldn't help the momentary frown spread across her face, before snapping back to her jokey self.</p><p>"Well go for it Brit" she laughed "But if you do end up making out with trouty mouth, please make sure you take a flashlight. I need you to be able to find your way out when his guppy face swallows you up, and you get lost in there"</p><p>Brittany laughed before grabbing a pillow and swatting Santana playfully. Soon the girls were both enveloped in laughter and play-fighting, hangovers swiftly forgotten about. The night before was just a taster for the life ahead of them at college in NYC in the fall, and both girls couldn't wait for it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a Wednesday lunchtime at school, and Santana and Brittany were sat on a table filled with all of their cheerleading friends. They were near the end of high school, had great friends around them, were on track to win nationals, and they were 2 of the most popular girls in school. Something Santana felt heavily accomplished for, as she knew the work she did in middle school to prime them, had secured their high school popularity.</p><p>These last few weeks were about spending time together before saying goodbye and heading off separate ways, but not for Brittany and Santana who were of course both going to New York. Santana looked around and sighed, she really would miss everyone. Still at least they had Senior Prom to come, one last night to celebrate altogether. Suddenly a hand tapped her, distracting from her thoughts.</p><p>"Hey Santana, can I grab you for just a sec?" it was Noah Puckerman. The school bad boy, and newest addition to the football team, known affectionately as Puck. Puck had transferred from another school for his senior year, rumour has it he was kicked out, and McKinley High was his 5th High School. Something about his bad reputation was incredibly appealing to Santana, this was the kind of footballer she wanted to date, not someone squeaky clean like Finn. Puck would add edge to her rep.</p><p>"Sure" Santana smiled, walking off with the mohawked boy.</p><p>Brittany watched as Santana and Puck chatted excitedly. She couldn't help noticing how much Puck kept touhing her, and how every time he did, Santana would blush. She giggled like a little girl around him, it was obvious she liked him. Brittany sighed. Ever since they had kissed, her feelings for Santana only grew deeper, but Santana's reaction the morning after pretty much told her everything she needed to know.</p><p>All she could do was carry on as normal and try and forget about Santana and find somebody else, she would just have to be happy to have her as a best friend. Her mom had always told her about how love is selfless, and how you truly know you love someone when you want their happiness, and if their happiness isn't with you then you love them enough to let them go. Brittany thought this was both painful but beautiful.</p><p>Brittany headed towards her locker, ready for next period. Her thoughts were distracted by Santana returning next to her as she reached into her locker for her books. She looked coy and excited, and Brittany prepared to put on a brave face and be the 'excited best friend' that Santana deserved.</p><p>"What did Puck want San? You look happy"</p><p>"He asked me to prom." Santana let out a shy smile, looking down at her hands</p><p>"What did you say?" Brittany cursed inwardly for the over enthusiastic shriek in her voice, she was sure it would be a dead giveaway, but Santana seemed not to notice.</p><p>"I said no silly! I'm going with you." Santana smiled, before holding out her pinkie for Brittany to link. Brittany smiled, 13 years on and they still had the tradition.</p><p>Brittany was about to speak when Sam walked past with a smile, doing his best Darth Vader impression. Sam was the king of impressions, and while Brittany found them hilarious, they made Santana cringe and she couldn't help but roll her eyes.</p><p>"Honestly Brit, he almost tripped over his tongue staring at you just then, but I guess he must be used to it from all the times he's tripped over his gigantic balloon lips"</p><p>That's what gave Brittany her brainwave, as she remembered her mom's words about true loving being selfless.</p><p>"He asked me to prom you know" this caught Santana off guard as she turned to Brittany.</p><p>"Oh…you never said before"</p><p>"Well I figured there was no need since you and I were going together, but now Puck's asked you, and Sam's asked me, we may as well both go with them, right?"</p><p>"I mean…if you want, yes"</p><p>"Do you want to go with Puck?" Brittany checked. She hoped Santana would turn around and say no. No of course she didn't want to go with him, she wanted to go with her as planned. She never even liked Puck, it was all just a front and really, she was masking true feelings for Brittany, they'd go to Senior Prom as a couple then off to New York together to live their happy life together. She of course knew this would never come out of Santana's mouth.</p><p>"Well…yeah he's hot, I've fancied him for ages. But as long as you're sure. Do you want to go with Sam?" Santana asked. She was really looking forward to going with Brittany, she was her best friend and her favourite person, and no boy could ever change that. But Brittany didn't seem too bothered, if she wanted to go with pillow face, who was Santana to stop her? She wanted her best friend to be happy.</p><p>"Yeah Sam is so nice! I've got to know him quite well recently. I think he'd be a great date".</p><p>"Well…that's settled then" Santana smiled. "I suppose I better go and tell Puck the good news".</p><p>Brittany watched her best friend walk away happily, she walked with a slight spring in her step that made her Cheerio's ponytail bounce behind her. Her own demeanour was a complete juxtaposition as she bit her lip in an attempt to stop the tears from falling.</p><p>Santana is happy. Loving someone is letting them go, if it means they will be happy.</p><p>It was then that Brittany realised, she didn't just have feelings for Santana, she was in love with her.</p>
<hr/><p>It was the week before prom and Santana was staying over at Brittany's house. Brittany's house and childhood bedroom were so familiar and comforting to Santana, she loved the sweet smell of coconut and jasmine that wafted through the house. Every time she smelt coconut or jasmine, she would smile and think of Brittany. Brittany felt the same comforting feeling at Santana's house. They were each other's 2nd home.</p><p>They were laying on the bed with their hips touching. Santana's arm was lazily sprawled on Brittany's stomach, and Brittany was tickling up and down it, the way Santana loved. Santana was deep in thought.</p><p>"Brit?"</p><p>"Yes San?"</p><p>"What are you going to do about the whole prom night sex thing?" Santana wasn't sure why she was so nervous about this question. Her and Brittany talked about everything.</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"Well…are you going to follow tradition and sleep with Sam on prom night?"</p><p>Brittany was caught off guard, not expecting the question.</p><p>"I don't know. Maybe. I don't think it's necessary too though. It's a silly idea to say everyone needs to be hooking up on prom night, it's not what the night is about".</p><p>At this Santana relaxed a little, as she put her head on Brittany's shoulder. She was attracted to Puck sure, but she wasn't sure she wanted to take that big next step yet. Santana was easily influenced from those around her, and she knew most of her cheer friends would be handing over their v cards that night, at least they said they were. Some had even lost their virginity already and would talk openly about 'how great sex is'. Santana just…wasn't that bothered yet, and she was glad that Brittany was on the same page. She didn't want to be the odd one out.</p><p>"You know, I'm not that bothered about losing my virginity yet, maybe it's something we can do in college" said Santana, turning to Brittany with a smile.</p><p>At this Brittany froze, and looked down guilty, avoiding Santana's deep brown eyes. She let go of Santana's arm and started fiddling with her own hands, causing Santana to look at her probingly.</p><p>"Well I…I erm…sort of already lost my virginity"</p><p>Santana couldn't help the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach as she sat up to look at her best friend properly.</p><p>"What!? When!?"</p><p>Brittany sat up also, but didn't raise her head to meet Santana's eyes, she continued playing with her hands. She could feel Santana's questioning gaze burning into her, and it was making her even more nervous.</p><p>"2 weeks ago." Brittany admitted sadly.</p><p>Santana was lost for words. How could she not know this? How could Brittany not tell her? They told each other everything. Now it felt like Brittany had kept her biggest secret from her.</p><p>"Why didn't you tell me?" Santana spat out.</p><p>Brittany sighed; she couldn't answer. Truth be told she didn't know why she hadn't told Santana. She hadn't planned to sleep with Sam, it had just happened. They had been casually dating in the past few weeks, which Santana did know, and one night when she went back to his house it had just happened. She didn't feel particularly excited about it after it, but she didn't feel bad either. It was, what it was.</p><p>"I'm guessing it was with that dumb trouty mouth?" Santana scoffed, causing Brittany to finally look at her.</p><p>"San, don't be mean about him please, he's not a bad guy he…"</p><p>"You know what Brittany, if you want to spend the night gushing about pillow face and his 'amazing sexual skills', maybe you should call one of the other girls to come over, since you're all part of a secret club now. One that I'm not involved in." said Santana, as she stood up from the bed and started packing her things up.</p><p>Brittany sat in silence, with tears threating to spill at any moment. Santana never got mad at her like this.</p><p>With that, Santana turned to look at Brittany with one last icy glare, before heading out the door and back to her own home. She was grateful her parents were out on a date night when she returned, because she was hysterically crying. She couldn't fully put her finger on why she felt so betrayed by Brittany, but it hurt, a lot.</p>
<hr/><p>Despite Brittany calling and texting, Santana had ignored Brittany all weekend. For the 1st time in her school life since her 1st day of Kindergarten, she had felt nervous about going into school this morning. Just as she had thought, Santana had ignored her all day, choosing to swap seats so they weren't sat by each other. Brittany knew her classmates were questioning it, as they never ever fell out.</p><p>At the end of 4th period, Brittany was walking past the lockers when she noticed Santana there alone, and suddenly her body was heading towards Santana before she had a chance to back out.</p><p>"Hey" Brittany smiled at the girl, who was acting like Brittany wasn't there, continuing to busy herself by fiddling with her locker key.</p><p>"Can I ask you a question?" Brittany tried "We used to be really close and I really miss being your friend".</p><p>Sure, it had only been a couple of days, but it felt like a lifetime to Brittany.</p><p>"Still waiting for the question" Santana said coldly, still fiddling with her locker key and refusing to look at the blonde girl.</p><p>"Did I do something wrong?"</p><p>"No look I don't know, did you?" Santana shrugged, finally turning to Brittany "All I know is we used to tell each other everything, but suddenly you're hiding big secrets from me. Ever since you started hooking up with groover mouth, I've been nothing but a 2nd thought to you. We were supposed to go to Senior Prom together, but you blew me off to go with him. It's fine, it's your loss, because now I get to go with Puck."</p><p>Brittany's face fell. She had no idea Santana had felt like that. Santana had no idea she felt like that either, until just now. It had all come rambling out like she had wanted to get it off her chest for weeks. She knew she was being harsh, Brittany hadn't ditched her, but she just couldn't help but feel so jealous and hurt. Like she was losing her best friend.</p><p>Brittany continued to stare at Santana with glassy eyes. She had thought encouraging Santana to go to prom with Puck would be what she wanted.</p><p>"Look can you stop staring at me!? I can't remember my locker combo" Santana snapped.</p><p>With that, Brittany turned around and walked away as the tears began to fall. She had never felt so alone. It felt like she had lost everything.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the day of Senior Prom, a day they were both supposed to be excited for, that they had waited for years for. Brittany was getting ready in her room, sad in the knowledge that Santana should be there with her. Even though they had separate prom dates, they had still planned to get ready together. They had their photo taken together in Santana's hallway from 1st Grade onwards, and their Senior Prom photo would finish the set. It would be really sad to not carry on the tradition, so Brittany had a plan up her sleeve. She couldn't be Santana's prom date because she had agreed to go with Sam now, and Santana with Puck, but she could call for her. They could have their photos taken together, and go together, before going their separate ways when they arrived. She just hoped her plan would work.</p><p>She had finished getting ready and she nervously headed downstairs to commence the plan. After some photos with her parents and gushes of "Oh Brittany, you look so grown up", she headed to Santana's house and knocked on the door in anticipation.</p><p><em>"Crap!</em>" Santana thought <em>"Puck is early."</em></p><p>She was still in her robe, and her hair was up in rollers. Another knock at the door brought her out from her thoughts, she'd have to let him in and seat him with a drink while she finished getting ready.</p><p>She hurried over to the door, and opened it to be met by Brittany, who was wearing a lime green skater dress, with a mesh skirt. She had paired it with red accessories, and her blonde locks were curled to perfection. It was very quirky, and very Brittany. She looked beautiful.</p><p>"I know we're not officially talking but I couldn't let our 13-year tradition slide. Even if you don't want to speak to me for the rest of the night, will you at least have your picture taken with me to finish our collection?" Brittany smiled nervously, holding up a camera.</p><p>Santana stood for a moment in thought as she let out a sigh. She had truly been caught off guard. She looked back at the blonde girl and let out a small smile, opening the door to let her in.</p><p>Brittany sighed with relief and stepped in quickly, as if she was scared Santana would change her mind. She instantaneously moved towards the smaller girl and wrapped her arms around her, relaxing as she felt Santana fall into the embrace.</p><p>"I missed you San, I promise to never keep any secrets from you again".</p><p>Santana let out a contented sigh</p><p>"I missed you too Brit".</p>
<hr/><p>The girls had gone up to Santana's room so she could finish getting ready, and all traces of awkwardness and anger had been abandoned. Both girls were so happy to be friends again. Brittany smiled as she traced her finger over the framed photograph of them at Disney World when they were 7, the two of them grinning excitedly in front of the castle, their arms wrapped tightly around each other. The Pierce's had gone on vacation to Florida every year since Brittany could remember, and from that year onwards Santana had always joined them.</p><p>"What do you think?"</p><p>Brittany turned to see Santana in a floor length red gown, that clung to her petite figure. She had taken out her rollers, and her long dark hair cascaded freely down her back. Brittany's mouth dropped in awe.</p><p>"Santana you look absolutely beautiful" she gasped.</p><p>"You look beautiful too Britt-Britt."</p><p>Brittany smiled; the occasional use of her childhood nickname always made her nostalgic to when they 1st met.</p><p>Santana walked over to Brittany and held out both hands for Brittany to take. They spent a moment just looking at each other and smiling. They had been through so much together, started kindergarten together, and now they were ending their high school journey together. Santana reached out and tenderly tucked a stray piece of hair behind Brittany's ear, causing Brittany to blush slightly. Their eyes locked intensely, and it reminded Brittany of the night they had kissed on Santana's birthday.</p><p>Their intense gaze was broken by Santana clearing her throat and looking down.</p><p>"Well Puck is one lucky guy tonight" she laughed, making Brittany's heart ache slightly. She had forgotten about Puck until now. Santana broke the embrace to head towards her dresser, touching up her lipstick.</p><p>"Actually San, can you do me a favour?" Santana gazed at Brittany through the mirror, prompting her to continue "Can you ask Puck to meet you there instead of picking you up? I've done the same with Sam. I figured if we can't be each other's prom dates, we can at least travel there together".</p><p>"Well sure but…how we will get there?" Santana asked.</p><p>Brittany smiled and silently guided Santana towards the window before pointing down the street. There was Mr Pierce in a rented Lexus Sedan. Brittany had always known how Santana wanted to arrive to prom in a Lexus. She didn't admit it, but status meant a lot to her, and Brittany knew that. She had begged her parents to rent the car for them as a graduation gift, even offering to put money towards herself, but the Pierce's agreed without the offer of Brittany's money. She had worked hard throughout school, especially in the last few months to get her grades up, and she deserved a treat on her Senior Prom night.</p><p>Santana gasped as she saw the vehicle.</p><p>"You did this for me?" she exclaimed, knowing Brittany wasn't bothered about fancy cars.</p><p>"I just wanted to do something nice for you, especially after everything" Brittany smiled.</p><p>Santana couldn't help her eyes glassing over her, her best friend was so special.</p><p>"I love you, Brit"</p><p>"I love you too, Santana"</p><p>The girls embraced, enjoying the moment together before Santana excitedly dragged them out to inspect the car, inviting Mr Pierce in. Then they all chatted together, and had their photos taken. Santana had some taken with her family, and Brittany and Santana had their traditional yearly photo taken.</p><p>"Oh, girls you look so beautiful and grown up" said Maribel with tears in her eyes "I remember when you were both just this big" she gestured with her hands.</p><p>They also had a photo in front of the Lexus, they had plenty of nice ones and a few funny ones, before they headed off towards the school. Mr Pierce put the screen up giving the girls some privacy, and they giggled together in the back of the car. As they drove through the quiet streets of Lima, Santana let out a contented sigh and rested her head on Brittany's shoulder, so happy they had come to their senses and that she was here with her best friend. She smiled and extended her pinkie, which Brittany silently took, nudging her head against Santana's.</p><p>When they arrived, Santana went to open the door, but Brittany stopped her. She dashed out of the car and ran around to Santana's side, opening the door for her with a bow.</p><p>"Your Senior Prom awaits, my lady" she said, in a posh voice, making Santana laugh. Brittany was always such a dork, but the gesture was very sweet too. She took Brittany's hand with a smile as Brittany helped her out of the car, and they walked hand in hand towards the school, waving at a teary-eyed Mr Pierce as they went.</p><p>As they got to the main doors, Sam and Puck were waiting together for their dates, and Santana's smile faltered, realising this would be where they'd go their separate ways.</p><p><em>"Why did I tell Brittany to go to prom with Sam"</em> she wondered</p><p>"Brittany, wow, you look so beautiful" said Sam, stepping towards Brittany, forcing Santana to let go of her hand.</p><p><em>"Idiot"</em> she thought.</p><p>"Hey gorgeous" Puck smiled before extending his arm out to her "You ready?"</p><p>Santana gulped before begrudgingly linking on to Puck, as Sam and Brittany joined hands, the 4 of them walked into the school hall together.</p>
<hr/><p>The prom was in full swing, and both girls were dancing with their prom dates. Far apart enough to not be able to have a conversation, but close enough to still be able to interact with each other through knowing looks.</p><p>As Brittany watched Santana and Puck gyrating against the music, she couldn't help but feel her jealousy rising. The way he kept trying to place his grubby hands inappropriately all over her, despite Santana moving them to less intimate places. The way he drooled over her like she was an object. She didn't see the attraction with Noah Puckerman at all, he was a sleazy slime ball. Not good enough for someone as perfect as her best friend. Of course, she knew the real reason for her jealousy, it was the fact she was in love with Santana. But she couldn't be, and she knew that, so she grabbed Sam and kissed him passionately in an effort to try and forget.</p><p>Santana turned to look at her best friend and noticed them making out. "So gross" she thought. She didn't want to look because the sight of them was making her feel nauseous, but at the same time she couldn't stop staring. Why did seeing her best friend making out with a guy hurt so bad? "It must be because it's him, he's not good enough for her" she pondered. Suddenly her thoughts were distracted by Puck's lips close to her ear.</p><p>"Hey babe, shall we slip off?"</p><p>Santana gulped; she knew this moment was coming. She took one last look at Brittany who still hadn't come up for air. How was she not being suffocated by his ginormous lips!?</p><p>Santana sighed.</p><p>
  <em>"Brittany has done it, most of the other Cheerios have done it, I need to get it done. Plus, Puck is super attractive and cool, there's no one better I can lose my virginity with."</em>
</p><p>With that, she grabbed Puck's hand, and lead him outside.</p>
<hr/><p>Puck fiddled with the car keys as Santana stood cold, arms crossed over her. Puck had parked out of the car park in a desolate street next to the school grounds, and the night chill had spread throughout her body as she walked. Puck didn't even offer her his jacket. He finally got it open and opened the back door to scoot some old McDonalds cartons off the seat, throwing them into the front.</p><p>"Climb in" said Puck, gesturing to the back seat.</p><p>Santana couldn't help thinking back to the contrast of Brittany's gesture earlier as she graciously opened the Lexus door for her, now Puck was shovelling her into his battered junk filled car.</p><p>"Why am I sitting in the back seat?" Santana frowned.</p><p>"Well there's more room than the front, unless you want to go on top?"</p><p>It took a minute for Santana to register that Puck was suggesting they had sex in the car. She had assumed they would at least drive to a motel. This was her 1st time for god sake.</p><p>"We're gonna do it here? Can't we drive somewhere like a motel? What if somebody see's?" Santana panicked. This is not how she pictured her 1st time to be.</p><p>"Psh" Puck scoffed "Why do you think I parked out somewhere private. Nobody will see us they're all inside for starters. What's the point in driving around and wasting money on a motel? Let's just get to it. You've done this before right?"</p><p>Santana froze. It hadn't even occurred to her that Puck would assume she'd done this before. She was a hot, popular cheerleader, and most of the cheerleaders had reps. Maybe if she admitted it was her 1st time, he'd take her somewhere nicer, make the experience a sweet one. But Santana couldn't do that, she had her reputation to uphold.</p><p>"Course" Santana tutted "Well let's just get on with it then, I wanna be back inside for the last dance".</p><p>They clambered in the small vehicle, and Puck attacked Santana with kisses as soon as they sat down, he tore at her dress hungrily, so she was soon sitting in her underwear. After an intense make out session, Puck guided Santana's hand down, causing Santana to quiver as she felt Puck's hardness through his boxers.</p><p>He tore at Santana's panties eagerly, before pulling down his boxers and preparing to enter Santana.</p><p>"Wait!" Santana yelled before Puck looked at her confused "Don't you have a condom?" she asked.</p><p>Puck sighed before rummaging around in his seat pockets and pulling one out. He quickly put the condom on and wasted no time in clambering on top of Santana.</p><p>The whole thing felt incredibly rushed, all they had done was make out in underwear. Santana had lightly grazed against his penis through his boxers and now he was on top of her ready to go. He hadn't even touched her, and she still had her bra on!</p><p>Santana gasped as she felt Puck enter her. It wasn't the agonizing pain that she prepared for, but it definitely burned. It didn't feel good, and she didn't know if that was down to how much they had rushed it, or because it was her 1st time anyway. Puck on the other hand, looked to be very much enjoying it, as his face contorted with pleasure.</p><p>"Oh my god you're so tight!" he said, as he thrust his hips square into her.</p><p>Santana cringed internally. What if he could tell she was a virgin?</p><p>He kept on pumping, and Santana felt herself getting used to the burning situation, but it still didn't feel good. She felt nothing. This was meant to be happy; she was finally losing her virginity. Maybe if she thought of something happy it would help her enjoy it more. She closed her eyes and thought of New York and Brittany, and the life they'd be living there together in a little over two months' time.</p><p>She thought about Brittany surprising her with the Lexus, and the fun they'd had riding to prom together.</p><p>She thought about when they were 16 when Brittany had a part time job at a bakery, and how she would always sneak the best cookies and cakes for Santana. Every morning Santana would come into school to a sweet treat on her desk, and she would turn to Brittany with a knowing smile.</p><p>She thought about when they were 12, when Brittany was upset because she didn't have any valentines' cards. Santana hated seeing her best friend cry, so she spent her art lesson sneakily making a card for Brittany.</p><p>
  <em>To Britt-Britt,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Happy Valentines Day.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm sorry this card isn't from a boy, but one day you will have someone who is so desperately in love with you, you won't even need a card to know it. I don't have faith this is true, I know it's true, the same way that I know kittens are soft and donuts are delicious, it's a fact.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You are the most lovable, cutest, special girl I know, and that's why you are my favourite person.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The right boy will find you, but in the meantime, I love you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love, Santana</em>
</p><p>Brittany had cried when she read it, and the next day she had walked in with a present for Santana. A friendship bracelet, one for each of them, and a card that said.</p><p>
  <em>To San,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I think if I was to die tomorrow it would be from a heart attack. Because heart attacks are from loving too much. And I love you so much every day.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don't need a boyfriend, but even when I do, they'll never replace you because you were here 1st.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you to infinity Santana Lopez</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love, Brittany</em>
</p><p>"I love you too infinity too Brit" Santana smiled, as she fastened the bracelet around Brittany's wrist, Brittany doing the same for her.</p><p>She was broken out from her thoughts by the sound of Puck grunting as he let one last thrust inside her, moaning in pleasure as he felt his release.</p><p>
  <em>Is that it?</em>
</p><p>Santana let out a sigh as Puck pulled out.</p><p>"I know!" said Puck, mistaking her sigh for a content one.</p><p>No room for cuddling or intimacy, Santana was glad as she just wanted to get back to the party. As did Puck by the looks of it. Santana hitched up her dress and fixed her hair, before she heard Puck exclaim</p><p>"Shit! It broke…"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Santana ran frantically back towards the school prom, she was hysterically crying as she jabbed her cell phone to call her best friend.</p><p>Brittany was slow dancing with Sam, for the last dance. She had hoped to steal Santana for a quick dance, but she had lost sight of her.</p><p>"Brittany, is everything okay? Why do you keep glancing around? You're supposed to be here with me" Sam gently reminded her.</p><p>And so Brittany had stopped looking for Santana, and there she was in Sam's arms, until her cell phone started to ring. As she moved to her clutch to take out the ringing device, Sam's hand stopped her.</p><p>"Brittany just ignore it, it's the last dance together". He smiled.</p><p>Brittany reluctantly ignored the phone, and turned her attention to Sam, before it rang again. It must be important; she couldn't just ignore it.</p><p>
  <em>Santana calling</em>
</p><p>Brittany looked at Sam before raising the phone to her ear, watching his face fall to disappointment.</p><p>"Santana where did you go?"</p><p>"Brit where are you?" Santana murmured, her tears and the loud music making it difficult for Brittany to understand.</p><p>"Wait, what? I can't hear you. Wait, let me move away from the music" Brittany flashed Sam an apologetic smile and headed to the foyer where she could hear better. "Sorry go on"</p><p>"Brittany, I need to see you"</p><p>Brittany's heart clenched. Santana was crying.</p><p>"Oh my god Santana, what's wrong, where are you? I'll come and get you" Brittany said frantically heading through the long hallways, desperate to find her best friend.</p><p>"There's been an accident" Santana whimpered.</p><p>Brittany's blood ran cold.</p><p>"An accident? Santana? What? What's happened? Where are you?"</p><p>"No, no sorry, not that type of accident" said Santana, sensing the panic in Brittany's voice. Brittany let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding as Santana continued "I'm outside the main doors, just come and meet me please?"</p><p>"Okay, okay just hold on a second babe. I'm going to go and get Sam, see if he can drive us home. You can come back to mine, everyone will be out. Then we can talk okay?" Brittany assured, thankful that her easy-going parents were staying away for the night, as they had silently communicated to Brittany she could use their home for an after party. This was providing she cleaned up any mess made, and nothing was damaged, and no one was too drunk. At least now she wouldn't have to worry about this, as it would just be her and Santana.</p><p>Brittany quickly found Sam and offering him little explanation told him he needed to take her and Santana back to her house. Any prom night sexpectations Sam had were quickly shattered, as he watched his 'sort of girlfriend' embrace her best friend, ushering her towards his car.</p><p>As Brittany opened the back door for Santana, Santana gulped. Staring at the back seat was conjuring images she wanted to forget.</p><p>"Brit…will you sit with me?" Santana asked in a small, childlike manner that made Brittany's heart crash into a thousand pieces. She had never seen Santana so fragile, something bad had to have happened. She looked at her best friend in confusion for a second before sliding into the back seat, pulling Santana with her.</p><p>"Of course, San" she responded, taking Santana's hand into her own, and resting it on her lap.</p><p>As they drove out of the school towards the dark Lima streets, Sam gazed at the girls through the rear-view mirror.</p><p>"Rough night then Santana?" he said, in an attempt to break the ice.</p><p>Santana said nothing, she just continued to focus her attention on her hand that was in Brittany's lap, clasping onto Brittany's own hand. Brittany shot Sam a look, and he focused his attention back to the road.</p><p>The drive back to Brittany's house was only 15 minutes but it felt like an age to Santana. When they pulled up, Brittany didn't bother going around to the front seat to kiss Sam, her attention was purely on Santana now.</p><p>"I'll text you" she simply said, before leading her best friend inside.</p><p>Even though nobody was in, they headed straight to Brittany's room for comfort, and huddled on the bed with the blankets. Brittany sat opposite Santana and rubbed small comforting circles on her arms, as Santana wiped her eyes.</p><p>"What happened Sanny?" she probed, passing Santana a tissue. Santana gratefully accepted the tissue and dabbed at her eyes before continuing.</p><p>"I slept with Puck" she sighed, face crumpling at the memory.</p><p>Brittany, knowing this was Santana's 1st time, knew how much of a big deal this was for her. She moved one hand to gently cup Santana's face, wiping away a tear with her thumb. She knew there was more to the story then Santana was letting on, and that she would have to gently coax it out of her.</p><p>"Okay" she said gently "How was that?"</p><p>Santana instantly started crying harder.</p><p>"It was horrible Brit. It was so rushed and messy. We didn't even go anywhere special we just did it on the back seat of his shitty little car. His hands were so rough and I just…I can't believe I waited 18 years for that. I thought I'd feel a sense of accomplishment after, but I don't…I just feel used."</p><p>Brittany wrapped Santana up in a hug and just held her for a minute, her heart was breaking seeing Santana like this.</p><p>"Did he know it was your 1st time?" she said softly into Santana's ear</p><p>Santana sat in silence for a moment, just appreciating Brittany's touch, before pulling away to look at her and shaking her head.</p><p>"No, in fairness, he assumed I'd done it before. And I didn't correct him".</p><p>"Honey listen to me" Brittany began, taking hold of Santana's hand and running her thumb across it "I know you had a lot riding on this, and I know you think this is going to define you, but it doesn't. It doesn't at all. I'm really sorry your 1st time wasn't as special as you deserved, but that isn't a reflection on you, it's a reflection on Puck. He's an idiot San, and he doesn't deserve to have been with you so intimately, but you have to know there's going to be plenty of other times. You're the most special person I know Santana, and one day you're going to be with someone who shows you just how special and loved you are"</p><p>The tears fell from Santana's eyes on hearing Brittany's powerful words. Her best friend could <em>always</em> make her feel better. Brittany was battling tears herself, as she squeezed tight on Santana's hand.</p><p>"But until then, don't let one bad night impact the way you think of yourself, or ruin your perception of sex"</p><p>Santana sniffled and nodded her head, taking everything in that Brittany was saying. She adjusted herself to gently push Brittany back on the bed, so that she was leaning upright against the headboard. Then she sidled in next to her, and rested her head on her chest, sprawling her arm across Brittany's stomach. In turn, Brittany wrapped her arm around Santana's back, whilst using her other hand to run soothing strokes down Santana's arm, the way Brittany knew she loved to be comforted. After a few moments of thoughtful silence, Santana spoke again.</p><p>"Was your first-time special Brit?"</p><p>Brittany paused for a second, as she mused how to answer this. Her 1st time with Sam had been okay, simply that. They hadn't planned it; it had just happened on a night at his when they were watching movies. His parents were out, and they subconsciously took advantage of it. When the movie stopped, he had lunged at her, and they started making out passionately which led to more. He had been patient and gentle with her, and it was his 1st time too so there were no expectations. She was attracted to him, and though she didn't find it pleasurable, that was to be expected for a 1st time. It was over fairly quick, but afterwards he had cuddled her and checked she was okay. She knew her 1st time was the ideal scenario that many would dream of. He was an attractive boy, they were seeing each other, he'd been sweet and caring throughout. But Brittany didn't feel euphoric over it, and she knew it was because she had feelings for someone else, that someone being her best friend. So, it was simply just okay. But even if it had been the best night of Brittany's life, she would have gone against her hate of lying to tell Santana it hadn't been that special. The last thing she would want to do is rub salt in her wounds.</p><p>"You know what Santana it wasn't all that. Over-rated I'd say".</p><p>Santana let out a slight giggle at that, before looking up at Brittany from her position on the bed.</p><p>"Brit there's something else".</p><p>Brittany continued to stroke Santana's arm, looking at her questioningly, silently prompting her to continue.</p><p>"The condom it…it split"</p><p>Brittany closed her eyes for a second and sighed. It wasn't fair Santana's 1st time had to be like this. What else could have gone wrong? She put her hands on Santana's shoulders to sit her up, so she was looking directly at Brittany, who kept her hands on Santana's shoulders as she spoke.</p><p>"In the morning we'll go to Planned Parenthood so we can get Plan B, it's better to be safe." she moved her hand to softly tuck Santana's hair behind her ear, bracing herself for the next bit "We should get you checked for STD's too, just to be sure, with it being Puck…"</p><p>"I know Brit, it's the sensible thing to do." Santana replied, flashing Brittany a weak smile, which Brittany returned. She felt so bad for her best friend. Her 1st time was awful and now she was having to take Plan B and be tested for STD's. She wrapped Santana into a warm hug, trying to muster as much comfort and love as she could into it.</p><p>"Thank you Brit; you always know what to do"</p><p>They stayed in their embrace for a few more minutes until Brittany stood up to retrieve her facewash. When she returned, she sat on the bed opposite Santana, and began silently removing the traces of the night from her best friend's face. When she was satisfied she had removed all of Santana's makeup, she went over to her dresser to remove her own, as Santana stripped out of her prom dress. Brittany got out 2 pairs of pyjamas, handing one to Santana, then both girls crawled under the sheets exhausted from the night's events.</p><p>Brittany had her arms wrapped around Santana all night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was 2 and a half months later, and Santana and Brittany had both graduated high school. There were some concerns that Brittany wasn't going to make it, but she had pulled it out of the bag in the end. Maybe getting caught at Finn's party and being forced to do extra studying was a blessing in disguise. They had spent a fun summer with all of their friends, enjoying life with no responsibilities before they became college girls. Puck was well and truly out of the picture, but Brittany and Sam had become an official item. Santana didn't know how that was going to work being that Brittany was about to move to New York and Sam was staying in Lima, but Brittany didn't seem too fazed, so she figured it was none of her business.</p><p>Santana opened her front door, having just come back from visiting her Abuela, when she noticed a letter for her on the floor. She immediately recognised the NYU postmark and her heart skipped a beat. Her and Brittany had both been waiting for their acceptance letters, so they could finally go and live their dreams in New York. They hadn't even considered a back-up option, it had to be New York, because it was always New York. Now the letter was here in front of Santana, she wasn't feeling so certain. Her fate lay underneath this envelope, what if it was a rejection? Unable to wait any longer she ripped open the envelope and unfolded the letter.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Dear Miss Lopez,</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Congratulations! I am delighted to inform you that you have been offered admission to the New York University School of Law…</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" Santana screamed in excitement, before running out to her car, letter in hand. She had to show Brittany.</p>
<hr/><p>She arrived at her door 5 minutes later and hammered on it excitedly. There was no answer, so she tried again. She felt she was going to spontaneously combust if she didn't share this news right now, so she was grateful when she heard the door handle turn, but then her face dropped.</p><p>"Oh" Santana said, as she came face to face with a topless Sam. Her stomach began to churn.</p><p>"Is…Brittany there?" she asked, not understanding why he was just standing in silence looking at her, as if it was his house she'd turned up at.</p><p>"Sorry she's erm…a bit tied up right now"</p><p>Santana frowned. Who the hell was he to think he could stop her seeing her best friend? She was about to push him out of the way and charge in when she heard Brittany's voice.</p><p>"Sam! Hurry up and get in here with me before the water gets cold" she yelled, causing Santana's eyes to grow wide. They were about to take a bath together. They'd probably just finished having sex, and by the sound of it were about to have more sex. <em>Oh god, oh god, oh god.</em></p><p>"Yeah" Sam smirked, clocking on to Santana's realisation.</p><p>Santana wanted to smack the stupid smirk right off his trouty lips, but she was stopped by a wave of nausea hitting her again.</p><p>"Right, yeah, whatever, I'll call her later" Santana said, already halfway down the steps and running off to her car. Luckily there an empty McDonalds bag in the car, and Santana emptied the entire contents of her stomach into it.</p><p>When she had finished, she wiped her mouth and rolled her eyes. As much as she would like to believe it was interrupting Brittany and Sam's escapades that caused her to vomit, she knew it wasn't the case. She'd been throwing up all week. She decided to drive to a pharmacy on the way home, see if there was something they could give her for this damn sickness.</p>
<hr/><p>She walked into the Pharmacy, to be greeted by a young and attractive blonde girl filing her nails, she didn't even look up when Santana walked in. Santana stood patiently for a second, before realising the girl wasn't going to acknowledge her.</p><p>"Some customer service" she muttered under her breath.</p><p>"Erm excuse me?" Santana eyed the girls name badge "Quinn?"</p><p>The girl finally looked up, but not without rolling her eyes 1st.</p><p>"Yep?"</p><p>"Okay sorry but is there a manager here because <em>you</em> are incredibly rude, and I don't wanna have to stare at your miserable face for much longer"</p><p>"My parents own this place" Quinn scoffed "so just me for today I'm afraid. They have me working here like a slave all summer before college."</p><p>"I'm sure they'll love the fact you're practically shoving customers away with that 'tude of yours"</p><p>"They want me to help out, I'll set the terms. Now what is it?"</p><p>Santana rolled her eyes. What was this bitch's problem?</p><p>"I've been feeling sick like every day, maybe you could just give me a pill or something?"</p><p>She watched as Quinn lazily grabbed a clipboard.</p><p>"Any diarrhoea or vomiting?" asked Quinn, reading off the clipboard</p><p>"No"</p><p>"Fever?"</p><p>"No"</p><p>"Stomach cramps?"</p><p>"No"</p><p>Quinn looked up from the clipboard, asking a question off her own diagnosis.</p><p>"Well have you missed a period?"</p><p>Santana froze, as she tried to remember the last time she had her period. She had been so caught up in summer she hadn't realised. Her heart started to beat. She went to open her mouth, but no sound was coming out, so she just nodded hesitantly. Quinn raised her eyebrow, as she reached out for a small cardboard box, placing it in front of Santana.</p><p>It was a pregnancy test.</p><p>Santana began to shake her head frantically</p><p>"N..n..no"</p><p>"Virgin?" said Quinn in a surprised tone.</p><p>"No…no but I took Plan B."</p><p>"90% safe, 10%'s the catch" Quinn shrugged.</p><p>Santana suddenly felt lightheaded. She couldn't be? Surely?</p><p>Quinn's snarky attitude suddenly softened to one of sympathy, as she looked at the Latino girl in front of her. She looked <em>terrified</em>.</p><p>"There's a bathroom here if you want to use it" Quinn offered.</p><p>Santana took the test and disappeared into the back to use in the bathroom. She couldn't believe she was doing this. As she held the test in her hand, waiting for the time to be up, she held her thumb over the small window which would reveal her fate. She felt as if the world was underneath her thumb. It was ironic how earlier that day she'd thought the NYU letter held her fate, that all felt pretty insignificant compared to now. She looked at her watch which indicated the time was up, before staring down at her thumb with a sigh. She mentally counted down from 3, before whipping her thumb away to reveal the window.</p><p>
  <em>Pregnant</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Later that night, Santana was sitting in her bedroom alone and afraid. She was 18, and about to move to New York. She had the rest of her life ahead of her. How could she be having a baby? Puck's baby at that. She felt sick, and she wondered if it was from shock, or actual pregnancy symptoms. She pulled out her phone to text the one person she knew she could trust.</p><p>
  <strong>To: Brittany</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Brit, can we meet?</strong>
</p><p>Brittany's reply was almost instantaneous.</p><p>
  <strong>To: Santana</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I'd love to, but Sam's parents are taking us out to dinner at Casa Lu Al. How posh is that? Beats Breadstix ;)</strong>
</p><p>Santana felt the tears burn in her eyes as she furiously typed her reply</p><p>
  <strong>To: Brittany</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>REALLY! WELL FUCK SAM! FUCK HIS POSH PARENTS, FUCK CASA LU AL – AND FUCK YOU!"</strong>
</p><p>She really wanted to send it. She wanted Brittany to realise she wasn't okay; she really really needed her right now. Brittany had always told her in moments of anger to stop and think before losing her temper, because Santana had a habit of saying things she didn't mean in a blind rage. Damn Brittany, always making her a better person. She sighed as she deleted the text, typing out a kinder response, putting Brittany's needs before her own.</p><p>
  <strong>To: Brittany</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Okay :) Enjoy the meal!</strong>
</p><p>Before she could even read Brittany's response, she threw her phone to the side, and that's when it all hit her. She broke down into hysterical sobs, bringing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around herself.</p><p>What the hell was she going to do?</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>To: Santana</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Sorry I couldn't do last night San, you wanna meet today instead though? Lima Bean for coffee?</strong>
</p><p>Santana read the message and sighed. She hadn't told anyone yet. She hadn't even said it out loud. The only person that knew was the rude girl from the Pharmacy, and that was only because of the look of horror on Santana's face as she emerged from the bathroom. Telling Brittany was going to make it real, but she knew it had to be done.</p><p>
  <strong>To: Brittany</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Sure B, 12:30 sound good?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>To: Santana</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>12:30 it is :)</strong>
</p><p>Santana fiddled nervously with the saltshakers on the table, looking for a distraction, as she waited for her best friend. Suddenly the door burst open, to reveal an enthusiastic looking Brittany. She ran over excitedly.</p><p>"Sorry I'm late San" she puffed, slightly out of breath, before holding up an opened envelope "I've got news" she grinned.</p><p>"Me too" Santana grimaced, looking down slightly.</p><p>"Read it!" Brittany exclaimed, shoving the envelope in Santana's face with a wide grin.</p><p>Santana hesitantly took the envelope, taking out the letter and carefully unfolding it to read, although she already knew what it was going to be.</p><p>"Scholarship to Julliard?" Santana gasped. She knew Brittany was going to get in, but she didn't expect her to get a full ride. At one-point Brittany wasn't even sure she would graduate high school, but Santana had always believed in her.</p><p>"Brittany, that's so great! I'm so…so proud of you". And proud she was, although this was a very bittersweet moment. She felt her eyes fill up as she thought about the crossroads they were at. For the 1st time in their life, it felt like Brittany was going one way and Santana was going another.</p><p>"Congratulations!" she exclaimed, before her emotions could get the better of her.</p><p>"I know right? It's unbelievable! Me, Brittany , with a scholarship! My GPA might not be the highest, but they said it was my dance ability alone that got me it. This is it San, the start of our life!" Brittany exclaimed excitedly, talking 100 miles an hour before taking a breath to focus on Santana "Have you heard back from NYU yet?"</p><p>Santana hesitated. Just 24 hours earlier, she had gone to Brittany's clutching her acceptance letter with the same excitement Brittany had. Then an hour after that her whole world had changed. She had found out she'd be swapping New York for new-borns.</p><p>She hadn't even thought about New York since she found out, she just assumed she'd tell Brittany, and they'd sort it out together. This had stopped her in her tracks. Knowing Brittany, she would drop everything to help Santana, but Santana couldn't let her do that. This was a great opportunity for her, that she couldn't pass up, she might never get the chance again.</p><p>If she told Brittany, she would probably cancel her plans to go.</p><p>If she told Brittany,<em> it would suddenly become more real.</em></p><p>"No…no I haven't heard anything yet" Santana lied.</p><p>"Yeah but, you'll get in" Brittany nodded encouragingly.</p><p>"What about Sam, have you told him yet?" asked Santana, changing the conversation.</p><p>"He'll understand, he always knew this was the plan" Brittany shrugged.</p><p>"Don't you care what he's going to think about you rushing off like this?" Santana asked, letting her own insecurities get the better of her. She desperately needed Brittany around, but she knew she had to let her go.</p><p>"What is it?" Brittany smiled taking Santana's hands in hers.</p><p>Santana froze, could Brittany really see through her that well.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Well you're defending Sam, so what's wrong?" Brittany laughed.</p><p>Santana stayed silent for a second, just staring at Brittany. She so badly wanted to tell her everything, and to have Brittany wrap her up in a warm hug, and whisper words of comfort. She would know exactly what to do, and they'd do it together.</p><p>"Nothing…nothing's wrong" Santana tried to smile convincingly.</p><p>Brittany tilted her head 1st left, then right, trying to read her best friend. She knew Santana like the back of her hand, and something was troubling her. Maybe it was the nerves of not getting her acceptance letter yet.</p><p>"Well, be happy then" Brittany laughed, squeezing Santana's hand "We're on our way! Our dreams are finally gonna happen." she smiled reassuringly.</p><p>"It's great, it's great! Really…well done" Santana let out a sad smile, causing Brittany to frown.</p><p>"Hey come on! You're coming too." Brittany said confidently "My flight's in a week which gives me time to get settled in before term starts. You need to go ahead and book your ticket."</p><p>Now it was Santana's turn to squeeze Brittany's hand.</p><p>"Sure. I've got some stuff to sort first but…" Santana swallowed before looking at Brittany reassuringly "I'll be there".</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the day of Brittany's flight to New York, and Santana felt sick. She was in the back of the car with The Pierce's, taking Brittany to the airport. Brittany was staring out of the window, taking in the scenic Ohio streets, a vast change from the concrete jungle she was about to move to. She suddenly turned to Santana who was looking rather emotional, and she held out her hand for her to take, giving it a gentle squeeze.</p><p>She guessed the emotion was down to Santana still not having heard back from NYU, but there was still another 3 weeks before term started, and Brittany was confident she would get in. Santana was so clever. Much smarter than herself.</p><p>She had told Santana to book her flight out to New York on the same day and although initially agreeing in the coffee shop, that night when they got home, Santana had said she was just going to wait until she heard back. She didn't want to jinx it.</p><p>"You're being silly San! You're going to get in! You need to come now with me so we can get a feel for the place, scope out where to live, make new friends"</p><p>She had pleaded with Santana to book her flight and come with her, but to no avail, so then she had changed tactics. She would change her flight and rebook for when Santana was flying out. They were starting this journey together, the way they had always planned.</p><p>"No Brittany look, you're being ridiculous. You've paid for your flight already, it's going to cost you money to change it, and I don't think your parents would be too happy about that. Besides if we both go late, we're gonna be left with all the crappy places to live, someone needs to go out there and scope it out for us. I'm gonna be 2 weeks behind you okay? 2 weeks tops. So you're gonna get on that plane, and go to New York, and wait for me there okay?"</p><p>Santana had said. She felt so guilty for lying, but she needed Brittany to get on the plane. Then she'd sort out what she needed to do. She had to end up in New York with Brittany eventually, it was their life-long dream. Maybe it would just take a little longer than 2 weeks. So that brought them to today.</p><p>
  <em>Saying goodbye.</em>
</p><p>Brittany had said goodbye to her family at the car. If everyone clambered into the airport with her, she knew she'd get too emotional and find it hard to leave, so she just took Santana inside with her.</p><p>Knowing the girl needed comfort, Santana took Brittany's hand and guided her into the airport, wheeling her suitcase for her. After they checked in, they began to walk together towards the departure gates. Santana would go as far as they would let her.</p><p>"Don't forget to call me as soon as you land, okay?" Santana asked "And don't forget if anyone's mean to you, just tell me right away, and I mean it Brit I'm on the next flight over ready to go all Lima Heights on them. And if you're missing home and really hating it, you can always come home, you know that?"</p><p>Brittany stopped and stood in front of Santana.</p><p>"Are you sure you don't want me to delay?" she stared deeply at Santana. She willed for the girl to say yes. Sure, she was excited for New York, but it didn't feel right going without her best friend.</p><p>Santana hesitated. She could just tell Brittany everything now, and they could turn around and go back to Lima.</p><p>"No…no, you're getting on that plane" she swallowed.</p><p>Brittany dropped her cabin bag and scooted closer to Santana.</p><p>"Close your eyes?"</p><p>Santana giggled slightly, looking up at Brittany.</p><p>"Close your eyes!" Brittany repeated again with a stern smile.</p><p>Santana did as she was told and closed her eyes with a smile, as Brittany gently grabbed her hand, carefully extending her pointer finger. She then pulled out a small key ring of the world, spinning it with her hands in front of Santana's finger. As it stopped, she pressed it on Santana's fingertip, causing Santana to open her eyes. She looked at the key ring, before glancing up at Brittany, and back down at the key ring again.</p><p>"New York" she smiled, seeing where her finger had landed.</p><p>Brittany smiled, placing the key ring in Santana's hand before linking their pinkies together. For once, Santana felt the contact wasn't enough, so she lunged forward and embraced Brittany in a full body hug. She stood on her tip toes to reach Brittany's shoulders, while Brittany wrapped her arms tightly around Santana's back. Neither of them wanted to let go, and they stood still like that for a few minutes.</p><p>As she reluctantly pulled away, Santana subconsciously placed her hands-on Brittany's neck, pulling their faces in close together. One more inch, and they'd be touching. She pressed her nose against Brittany's, her hand flat against the back of Brittany's neck, and just stared. Brittany had her eyes closed, and her head slightly bowed, as she felt the powerful embrace.</p><p>Santana closed her eyes and felt both of their bodies twitch, as they moved towards each other, almost as if they were about to kiss. She reached for her other hand to stroke Brittany's face. The gesture so intimate and emotional. Santana watched Brittany, who still had her eyes closed, and traced her face delicately with her fingers. It was like she was touching and seeing her for the 1st time, and the last time.</p><p>Brittany finally opened her eyes and pulled back, full of emotion, as she let out a watery smile. Santana continued to look at her as she swallowed.</p><p><em>"What was that!?</em>" Santana wondered, thinking about their charged exchange, before placing a hand on Brittany's shoulder.</p><p>"Keep in touch okay?"</p><p>"Okay" Brittany whispered, before pulling away fully from Santana to grab her bag.</p><p>"See you in two weeks San!" she laughed, gathering herself from her emotions, before the announcement of her flight caused her smile to drop again. It was time to say goodbye. What if Santana never came to New York?</p><p>Knowing if she hugged Santana again, she would never let go, she settled for a small wave instead.</p><p>Santana watched with a smile, as Brittany headed towards the departure gate, she knew this was right for her. Brittany turned with a wave, before making the number 2 with her hands, and mouthing "two weeks!", before she disappeared out of sight.</p><p>Santana stared down at the key ring in her hands, before bringing it up to her chest and clasping it tight. She needed a plan, and she needed it now.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"If I'd told her she would have never left, and her whole life would have been ruined too" Santana sighed to Quinn</p><p>She was in the Pharmacy, a week after Brittany had left, keeping Quinn company and telling her of her Brittany troubles. Quinn, being the only one who knew about Santana's pregnancy, had now become somewhat of a friend of Santana's.</p><p>She had told Quinn all about their life-long plan to go to New York together, and how Brittany was over there now, waiting for Santana to join her and unaware of the real reason she wasn't there.</p><p>"Why don't you just get rid of the thing?" Quinn shrugged.</p><p>"My parents are catholic" Santana winced "<em>I</em> don't believe in all that but…I can't."</p><p>Santana sighed in exasperation.</p><p>"I had it all sussed! Move to New York, study to become a hot shot lawyer, then get married and have kids!"</p><p>"Wow, a whole life in bullet points" Quinn laughed, as she unpacked boxes to stack the shelves.</p><p>"Well now it's pregnant, have kid, full time mom, wave goodbye to career, live off hand-outs, grow fat, lose hair" Santana moaned.</p><p>"Yeah. Might as well just kill yourself now. I can sort the drugs?" Quinn joked, trying to lighten the mood.</p><p>Santana just rolled her eyes in response, so Quinn tried a softer approach.</p><p>"Look, there's loads of people out there that want a kid that can't have one. Why don't you give it away?"</p><p>Santana's eyes widened at the suggestion, and she felt a small smile creep on to her lips. The first genuine smile in weeks.</p><p>"I could still move to New York" she mused as Quinn let out a dry laugh, heading towards the other side of the Pharmacy to check the stock.</p><p>"I could apply to college again, or get a job, I don't care! It would all be the same, just 6 months later." Quinn stared questioningly at Santana excitedly rambling on "I don't even need to tell Brittany I could just give an excuse".</p><p>"Woah" Quinn held out her hand "that is major denial babe".</p><p>"Yeah?" Santana shrugged "I just happen to think it's the way to go" she snarked with a devious smile.</p><hr/><p>A few days later Santana loaded up her laptop to skype Brittany, the way they did every day, sometimes more than once. Santana smiled as Brittany's face emerged on the screen.</p><p>"Hey babe" Santana smiled "You're looking extra pretty today"</p><p>Brittany blushed, looking down with a smile.</p><p>"You always know how to make a girl feel special" she laughed before changing the subject "Any news from NYU yet?"</p><p>Brittany was beginning to panic now and lose hope, she'd ask Santana the same question every day, but nothing. She didn't want to be here without Santana, it wasn't how their dream was meant to be.</p><p>"Actually yes" Santana began, causing Brittany to look up in wide eyed anticipation "It's good news and bad news. I have a place but…it's for Spring Admission. That means I won't be coming to New York for another 6 months".</p><p>Brittany stayed silent, with Santana unable to read her expression.</p><p>"Say something Brit?" she pressed.</p><p>"Sorry I-I just wasn't expecting you to say that. Part of me is so relieved because honestly? I was beginning to lose hope, but another part of me is thinking 6 months is such a long time, I don't know if I can do 6 months without you." she replied, getting emotional.</p><p>"Yes you can Brittany!" Santana encouraged "You're stronger than you ever give yourself credit for. I know it seems like ages away, but 6 months will fly by, I promise. And we can skype and text all the time".</p><p>"But it's not the same, I need you <em>here</em>." Brittany moaned before a lightbulb went off in her head "maybe I could defer for spring entry too?"</p><p>Santana shook her head. It had been hard enough for her to defer for Spring entry, because she had left it so late, and she had extenuating circumstances of a baby.</p><p>"No Brit, you can't do that, you could lose your scholarship"</p><p>Brittany sighed, it had been a little under 2 weeks since she had seen her best friend in the flesh, and she missed her desperately.</p><p>"Well how about you move out to New York anyway? You could get a job out here until spring, there's so many places you could…"</p><p>"Brit no I need to stay here and study and get myself up to scratch with the fall students" she interrupted.</p><p>"Besides, it would be a waste of money, me paying rent right now when I don't need too. We aren't all lucky enough to get scholarships, genius" she joked, before seeing the sad look on Brittany's face. She worried she may have offended her, of course paying rent wasn't a waste of money if it meant living her New York life with Brittany, but she needed an excuse to mask the real reason she wasn't in New York.</p><p>"Look Brit" she assured "I promise you these 6 months are going to go so fast. You're gonna be so busy making new friends and having a life and dancing, that you're not even gonna realise I'm not there. And then before you know it, I'll just be there with you. But until then, I am always just the other end of the phone okay?".</p><p>Brittany nodded, believing Santana as she always did, wiping away a few tears that had fallen.</p><p>She switched out the light and lay back on the bed, placing the laptop next to her, turning to face it. Santana smiled as she watched Brittany pull the blanket over her and get comfy, it was getting late.</p><p>"Will you tell me the story of our life in New York San, until I fall asleep?" Brittany asked quietly.</p><p>"Of course, Brit"</p><p>And then Santana began to tell the same story she had recited to Brittany so many times. The one about their life in New York, that Santana was so sure they would have together in 6-months-time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>3 months later, it was Christmas time, and by now Santana had a significant bump. She hated it and worried she would never get her toned abs back, but right now it was proving useful as she rested her bowl of popcorn on it.</p><p>She still spoke to Brittany every day, she just had to be careful how she angled the camera on their Skype sessions, so that Brittany wouldn't see the bump. Brittany had tried several times to get Santana to come over and visit her in New York, but Santana had managed to wade her off, insisting she really needed to study and save so they could have the best time when she eventually got there.</p><p>Luckily, Santana didn't have to worry about Brittany coming back to Lima to visit, because her college schedule was way too busy. The only thing she was worried about, was Christmas. Surely Brittany would come home for the holidays, and Santana didn't know how well her baggy clothes were going to mask her growing baby bump. When Brittany tearfully announced on Skype one night that she wouldn't be coming home for Christmas because her parents had decided to visit her instead, and experience Christmas in New York, Santana had breathed out a sigh of relief.</p><p>"Don't worry Brit, we're halfway through now! In 3 months, I'll be there with you!" she had assured Brittany at the time.</p><p>Santana continued picking at her popcorn, her attention focused on the Christmas film on the TV, when her phone buzzed. Reaching into her pocket and pulling it out, she saw it was a text from Brittany.</p><p>"Who's that?" Maribel questioned, from her position behind the sofa where she was ironing clothes.</p><p>"Brittany" Santana replied, as she tapped away her reply, not bothering to raise her head and look at her mother.</p><p>"Have told her yet?" Maribel frowned, gesturing towards Santana's stomach "All this lying will catch up with you, you know?"</p><p>Santana ignored the question and carried on texting Brittany. The only people to know was her immediate family, Quinn, and Puck. The conversation with Puck had been an awkward one to say the least, and she had decided to do it by phone call, so she didn't have to see him. She had been clear that she was giving the baby up for adoption, but that she felt he had a right to know.</p><p>"Shit…I gotta get better rubbers" he had joked "anyway is there anything else 'cos I'm kind of tied up right now?"</p><p><em>"Probably knocking up some other poor girl"</em> Santana had thought. She had never felt so glad to be giving her baby up for adoption, not when the father was Noah Puckerman.</p><p>Quinn, despite Santana's initial dislike of her, had turned out to be a great friend to her. As for her parents, they had taken the news better than expected. Sure, they were disappointed but, accidents happen. Santana hadn't been irresponsible and had in fact taken precautions, it was just unfortunate she landed in this predicament at such a young age. Maribel's only concern was how Santana would cope with the adoption. It was her first child, and Maribel knew she wasn't prepared for the urge of love she'd feel when the baby was placed in her arms for the first time. She worried her daughter would spend her life miserable and missing her baby, but it was Santana's choice to make.</p><p>Pablo was very curious about Santana's pregnancy, he asked daily questions about it, and today was no different.</p><p>"When do you think that alien is going to burst out of you?" he asked, turning his attention from the film and onto Santana, who was still carelessly snacking on popcorn.</p><p>"Stop it Pablo!" Maribel warned "Pregnancy is a sacred thing"</p><p>"It can't hear me!" Pablo proclaimed</p><p>"Yes, it can. And don't refer to it, as it!" Maribel scolded, causing Santana to smile slightly.</p><p>"It's a girl, if you must know" she said casually, rolling a piece of popcorn in between her thumb and forefinger, before popping it into her mouth.</p><p>"You found out?" Maribel gasped slightly, putting her iron down, causing Santana to look up at her as she chewed her popcorn.</p><p>"I asked at the last scan. I thought I should tell the Social Worker so he could start his plans" she shrugged.</p><p>Maribel walked over to her daughter excitedly</p><p>"A girl!" she exclaimed, crouching down behind the sofa to stroke her daughter's hair "what about names?"</p><p>Santana paused</p><p>"No…I'm…I'll let the new parents decide" she replied, before focusing her gaze back on the bowl of popcorn.</p><p>"Let me see your bump?" Pablo suddenly asked excitedly, earning a sharp look from Maribel.</p><p>"Hey! A woman's body doesn't become public property just because she's pregnant you know."</p><p>But Santana had already put down her popcorn bowl and began to raise her shirt.</p><p>"Be my guest" she smiled</p><p>Pablo grabbed his torch, shining it on Santana's protruding stomach, and the three of them stood in silence and stared. You could see the baby moving, ever so slightly.</p><p>"Look at that!" said an awestruck Maribel</p><p>"Oh my God!' Pablo exclaimed; his eyes wide as he took in the moving stomach</p><p>"She's got hiccups" Maribel sighed lovingly "Little thing has got hiccups! Oh, bless!"</p><p>Santana was fixated on her stomach. She had never paid it so much attention before. She couldn't help but let out a small smile, as she marvelled at the movement inside of her. Before she could become too transfixed, she checked herself, pulling down her shirt.</p><p>"Whatever" she shrugged, with a laugh. She grabbed her bowl of popcorn and went to place it back on her stomach again, before hesitating, the bowl momentarily hovering above her stomach. She decided to tuck the bowl underneath her arm instead.</p><hr/><p>Later that night, Santana was in bed, sitting up against the headboard with her shirt rolled up to reveal her stomach. The baby was still hiccupping, so Santana was gently stroking her bump, as if to comfort the small being inside of her.</p><p>"Baby can you hear me?" she whispered "Try holding your breath. Like this…"</p><p>Santana breathed in deeply, before holding her breath for a few seconds. She noticed the baby had stopped hiccupping and let out a smile, as she stroked her bump.</p><p>"There you are Mila moo" she mumbled, before realising what she had just said and letting out a sigh</p><p>"That's…probably not going to be your name okay?" she told the bump with a slight frown.</p><p>She fluffed her pillows, before lying down and rolling over, hand firmly on bump as she let sleep wash over her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Another 3 months had gone by, and Santana was due any day now. She had her flight to New York booked, ready to start her spring term at NYU. She was really excited to move, and really excited to start college, but she was of course most excited to be reunited with Brittany. They were finally at the finish line, and neither girl could wait. It had been really tough lying to Brittany about the pregnancy, especially when they spoke as often as they did, but Santana had to remember why she didn't tell her in the first place. She just hoped the baby would come sooner rather than later, to give her more time to prepare for her move.</p><p>"I just can't believe that in 2 weeks, you'll finally be here with me, and I won't have to speak to you through a screen" said Brittany, on their routine nightly Skype conversation.</p><p>"I know Brit" Santana sighed happily "you have no idea how excited I am to see you. I've missed you so much"</p><p>"Believe me San, I do know" Brittany replied, reflecting on her own excitement.</p><p>Santana flinched; it was the pain again. She'd been having it all day, nothing too strong, just the odd jab here and there. She didn't think it was labour, she'd watched enough medical dramas to know how bad labour would feel, and these minor pains couldn't possibly be it. She put it down to the baby moving around, getting ready to make her entrance into the world. She could hear Brittany speaking about something, but she couldn't focus on what she was saying due to the sudden pain.</p><p>"What is it?" Brittany's brow furrowed in concern, as she noticed her friend distort her face in pain</p><p>"Nothing…sorry, just a bit of period pain" Santana lied "Sorry what were you saying?"</p><p>"I was just telling you about how much you're going to love this coffee shop, honestly you'll never go to Lima Bean again, after trying New York coffee"</p><p>"Well I can't wait to see what it's all about Brit. 2 weeks" she smiled excitedly "I hope it fly's by because…. owwwww" Santana yelped, the pain suddenly hitting her again, causing concern to rise on Brittany's face. Since when did her best friend cause such fuss over a little period pain, Santana was a hard nut!</p><p>"Are you sure you're okay honey?" she frowned</p><p>Santana nodded with a grimace, squeezing tight on the cushion she was holding against her stomach, when suddenly she felt a mild popping sensation.</p><p><em>"Okay that didn't feel right"</em> she thought, as she looked down to see a wet patch on her bed. Her waters…<em>shit!</em></p><p>"Actually Brit, I'm gonna have to go, this period pain is suddenly really bad, I need to go take some Advil and lie down"</p><p>"Oh no, I'm sorry you're not feeling great sweetie, I ho…"</p><p>"Bye Brit" Santana interrupted, before slamming her laptop shut. If she didn't do it then, Brittany would have heard the almighty shriek Santana let out, she couldn't hold it in. The pain was suddenly excruciating, and Santana was terrified.</p><hr/><p>Maribel frantically ran upstairs after hearing the cries from her daughter, she had been on red alert the past few days, knowing Santana could go into labour any day now.</p><p>"Mom!" Santana cried from her position on the bed, panting in pain "Mom I'm scared!"</p><p>Maribel had never seen her daughter looking or sounding so vulnerable. She was scared too, but she couldn't show Santana that.</p><p>"It's okay mija, it's okay, shhhh. This is exciting!" she comforted, going over to rub Santana's back and tuck a piece of hair away from her face. She continued to comfort Santana as she breathed through another contraction.</p><p>"You're doing great already baby. You're doing great. Now, can you stand?" Maribel asked, in between contractions. It wasn't long before another contraction hit, causing Santana to cry out in pain.</p><p>This answered Maribel's question, the contractions were coming strong and fast, and she knew they needed to act quickly. It was typical that George was on a night shift, he was a medic, and would know exactly what to do. She continued to rub soothing circles on Santana's back, when she noticed her son peering warily outside the door.</p><p>"Pablo, honey? I need you to do Mami a favour. I need you to run downstairs and grab my cell please, quickly" she told the boy, who looked at her worryingly, observing the scene.</p><p>Santana screamed out in pain again, causing Pablo to look on in horror.</p><p>"Don't be scared darling, it's a good thing, it means the baby is ready to come out. That's why I need you to be fast and help out okay?" she told her son.</p><p>Pablo, happy at the thought of playing hero in the situation, suddenly sprang into action and ran downstairs to retrieve the phone, appearing back in the room at lightning speed. He stood nervously at the foot of the bed, while Maribel called her husband for advice.</p><p>
  <em>No answer</em>
</p><p>"Mijo, could you go get a damp washcloth please, for your sister?" Maribel instructed, causing Pablo to quickly run off again, eager to help. She observed her daughter again, before making a call to Santana's midwife. Having birthed 2 children herself, Maribel knew the signs of the final stages of labour.</p><p>"Hi Sandra, It's Maribel Lopez here, Santana's mom." said Maribel, taking the washcloth from Pablo and running it over Santana's head "She has gone into labour, and I'm not sure she's going to make it to the hospital in time "she said worriedly in a hushed tone, so not to panic Santana.</p><p>"What?" Santana panted "What did you just say?"</p><p>Maribel put the phone on loudspeaker, helping Santana into a comfier position on the bed.</p><p>"The baby is coming now darling; I don't think we are going to have time to go to the hospital. Sandra is on her way but it's going to take her at least an hour to get here, and I've left a voicemail for your father, but we may have to do this just us sweetheart okay?" Maribel soothed</p><p>"What? What no it can't be!" Santana cried. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. She was supposed to have a long, slow labour like most first-time moms. She wasn't ready. She had always had health anxiety, and the thought of giving birth scared her enough as it was. Now they were saying she'd have to potentially do it at home, with only her mom and Pablo to help. What if something went wrong? She could feel herself starting to hyperventilate, as Maribel shushed her.</p><p>"I'll be right here to guide you and your mom through Santana, don't worry" said Sandra over the phone, sensing Santana's worry.</p><p>Another contraction ripped through Santana causing her to yelp in pain.</p><p>"Ow…ow it hurts! I'm gonna die" she cried</p><p>"Santana, it's going to be okay alright?" Maribel soothed, she hated seeing her daughter like this. "When it hurts too bad you just need to squeeze my hand"</p><p>"That's great Maribel, just keep on assuring her. Santana, I need you to take some deep breaths for me, just breathe deeply, nice and slow." said Sandra "That's it!" she encouraged, as she heard Santana breathe as instructed.</p><p>Maribel wiped the cloth against Santana's head, as she struggled through another contraction, before placing a tender kiss on her head.</p><p>"Maribel, when this contraction finishes, I need you to time how long it is until the next one" Sandra instructed.</p><p>Maribel looked at her watch and did as Sandra had told her, repeating the information back to her.</p><p>"Okay. Okay that means it's nearly time. You're going to need to remove Santana's underwear, and get plenty of towels. And some hot water"</p><p>"No! Please, please don't leave me!" Santana cried, breathing heavily</p><p>"I can get them Mami!" Pablo insisted</p><p>Maribel flashed Pablo a grateful smile, before turning her attention back to Santana.</p><p>"I'm not going anywhere Santana okay!? I'm going to be right here with you. I promise" Maribel soothed, placing another kiss on her daughters' head.</p><p>Another contraction soared through Santana's body, causing her to scream the loudest she had so far.</p><p>"I need to push! I really need to push" she yelled</p><p>"How long until you get here?" Maribel asked Sandra anxiously, who was driving as fast as she could down the freeway, the Lopez family on speaker in the car so she could guide them through. She observed her surroundings.</p><p>"About 30 minutes. But I'm going to be right here on the phone with you to make this as smooth as possible" she assured "Now Santana, when you get your next contraction, I need you to push down as hard as you can for me."</p><p>As Sandra was speaking, a contraction hit Santana, so she started to push as Sandra told her.</p><p>"That's it Santana! You're doing really great. Tuck your chin into your chest, and push down right into your bottom, that's it. Good girl" said Sandra</p><p>"Good job baby, keep going!" Maribel urged, Santana squeezing her hand tightly.</p><p>The contraction stopped and Santana stopped to breathe, she had never felt pain quite like this, and she was feeling exhausted.</p><p>
  <em>Beep beep beep beep</em>
</p><p>Maribel and Santana both turned to look at the phone. It had cut off. Sandra must have lost signal. Santana looked at her mother in panic.</p><p>"It's okay mija, it's okay, she'll call back in a second, we've got this" she calmed. Santana didn't have chance to reply before she was hit with another contraction. Just as she had done before, she pushed as hard as she could.</p><p>"Good girl! You're doing brilliant Santana, good girl!"</p><p>"Great job Sanny!" Pablo shouted, copying his mother, from his position in the corner of the room.</p><p>As Santana stopped to breathe again, waiting for the next contraction, Maribel moved down the bed to observe what was going on.</p><p>"It's okay Santana, I'm right here, I just need to see what's happening down here" she assured her daughter.</p><p>Soon, Santana was pushing again. Exhausted and in pain, she cried out.</p><p>"I can't do it Mom! Just make it stop please, I can't do it"</p><p>"You can do it darling. You are doing it! Come on Santana, be brave, I need you to keep pushing for me"</p><p>Santana continued to push as hard as she could, causing Maribel to exclaim</p><p>"That's it sweetheart! That's it. I can see the head! Oh my gosh Santana, she has so much dark hair, just like you!"</p><p>Maribel was getting very emotional; her baby was having a baby. She had been proud of Santana many times in her life, but here she was at 18, her life thrown into chaos despite precautions she had taken. Giving birth with no medical help and no pain relief. She went over to plant 3 kisses on her daughters' head, grabbing her face with her hands and staring at her encouragingly.</p><p>"With this next push, she's going to be here Santana, so I need you to push with everything you have okay?"</p><p>Santana nodded tearfully, before her face contorted in pain again.</p><p>"This is it!" said Maribel, as she ran back to her position at the end of the bead.</p><p>"Push Santana, come on push as hard as you can, you can do it!"</p><p>Santana yelped as the pain hit her. The phone was ringing from Sandra calling back, but Maribel couldn't answer it. They were almost there.</p><p>"Big effort now come on! One last push!" Maribel yelled reassuringly</p><p>Santana gave the biggest push she could, and suddenly the baby was there. The tears hit Maribel like a ton of bricks, as she delivered her precious granddaughter. So small, and so like Santana. It was a very surreal moment for her.</p><p>Santana collapsed back on the bed exhausted, while Pablo hurried over to peer at his new-born niece.</p><p>"Wow!" he said, "Being a girl sucks but…wow."</p><p>"She's perfect Santana. She's so, <em>so</em> perfect" Maribel cried, as she wrapped her in a towel. She was about to bring her over to Santana, when Sandra burst in.</p><p>"I'm so sorry! The signal must have cut off. I let myself in" she said frantically, before seeing the baby in Maribel's arms. She smiled. "Well it looks like you didn't even need me anyway. I'm just going to check her over, but it looks like you've done a great job. Well done Mama!" she said, grabbing her bag with all of her equipment, before cursing inwardly. She had said it out of habit, momentarily forgetting that Santana was giving the baby up for adoption.</p><hr/><p>After Sandra had checked over the baby, she passed her to Maribel, before moving on to check an exhausted Santana. While Sandra was doing this, Maribel called the Social Worker, as Santana had requested. She didn't want to be around the baby or do anything that would encourage bonding. She wanted the Social Worker to come as soon as he could.</p><p>Maribel stared down at her granddaughter, and it instantly brought back memories of her holding a baby Santana. Although she had only been on earth a few minutes, Maribel had bonded with her instantly, so she could understand why Santana didn't want to hold her. She knew if she held her, she would find it hard to give her away. Maribel was emotional about the fact herself.</p><p>"You'll have a good life, pequeño" she sighed, as she pressed a kiss into her baby soft skin.</p><p>As Sandra finished her checks, Maribel noticed Santana looking over at them. She looked so exhausted and fragile.</p><p>"Do you want us to leave the room with her?" Maribel asked gently</p><p>Santana stared, deep in thought.</p><p>"No…no it's okay" she replied "just don't come too close please"</p><p>Maribel nodded understandingly. She sat in the corner just watching her granddaughter, with Pablo sat at her side. He reached out and placed his finger into her little hand, smiling as she wrapped her fingers around it.</p><p>"I'm your uncle Pabby' he whispered gently. Maribel shot him a disapproving look, glad that he hadn't said it loud enough for Santana to hear, but inside her heart ached at her sons' statement.</p><p>The baby's adoption would impact the whole family, because they were a very close unit, but it was Santana's life and Santana's choice. She just hoped Santana would not live to regret it.</p><p>A knock on the door brought them all from their thoughts.</p><p>"That will be the social worker, I'll go let them in" Sandra said, gaining an approving nod from Maribel.</p><p>She walked closer to her daughter, to study her face, but not close enough to upset her. She held the baby close to her chest, making sure Santana couldn't see her, as she had requested. As they heard Sandra let the Social Worker in, Maribel noticed her daughters face drop, showing a hint of worry and sadness.</p><p>She hadn't even laid eyes on her daughter. The daughter she had carried and nurtured for 9 months. She needed to make sure she wasn't going to regret never seeing her.</p><p>"Are you sure you don't want one quick hold, before they take her?" Maribel asked gently.</p><p>Santana stared tearfully. She yearned to hold the precious bundle in her mother's arms. She had yearned to since the moment she came out. It was a natural instinct after all. But she knew she couldn't.</p><p>
  <em>If I hold her, I might never let go</em>
</p><p>She reluctantly shook her head, ignoring every instinct inside of her to take the baby and run.</p><p>"No, I best not." She gulped emotionally "It's for the best."</p><p>She started nodding, tears fell from her eyes, as she tried to convince herself it really was for the best.</p><p>Her mom looked at her unsure, almost pleading with her to really think this through, so she simply turned her head to stare at the wall. The tears continued to fall as she heard her mother's footsteps walking out of the bedroom, but then another sound filled her ears.</p><p>
  <em>Hiccup</em>
</p><p>Santana's heartstrings tugged, before again</p><p>
  <em>Hiccup</em>
</p><p>She sat up quickly in the bed, her mother was just outside the door now, about to walk downstairs.</p><p>"Wait!" she yelled, causing Maribel to turn around "I'm sure one little hold won't hurt…"</p><p>Maribel smiled tearfully; it had certainly been an emotional day.</p><p>"Are you sure?"</p><p>Santana nodded hesitantly.</p><p>Maribel walked over with the tiny little girl, before gently placing her in Santana's arms. She then retreated back, letting Santana enjoy the moment with her daughter, her hand on Pablo's shoulder. She watched as Santana's face turned to one of awe, to one of emotion, the tears falling thick and fast as she stared at her daughter for the 1st time.</p><p>Santana ran her thumb soothingly against the baby's arm, gently shushing her, in an attempt to rid her of the hiccups she seemed to be so prone to getting. As she stared at her, she couldn't quite believe she had created something quite so perfect. She saw a lot of herself in the baby, and nothing of Puck, which she was glad about.</p><p>Eyes full of emotion, she stared up at Maribel with a smile, who returned the smile with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>Santana looked back down at the little girl, eyes open and gurgling, she was very alert for a new-born. She stroked her cheek lightly with her forefinger.</p><p>"Mila" she whispered "Sweet little Mila" to the hiccupping child</p><p>She couldn't help it, it just slipped out. Despite knowing she was going to give her away, she had the name Mila in her head ever since she had found out it was going to be a little girl.</p><p>She laughed in adoration, as she placed her finger on the cute little button nose, as if by pressing it she could stop the hiccups.</p><p>"Do you want to take a picture with her?" Maribel suggested</p><p>Santana looked down at her daughter before staring back up at Maribel with a nod. She reached for her phone, which was still on the bedside table next to her.</p><p>
  <strong>1 new message</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Brittany</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>You poor thing! Looks like you're suffering pretty bad this month. I wish I was there to make it all feel better and give you lots of cuddles and tickle your arm, just the way you like. Make sure you get an early night tonight and snuggle your hot water bottle. Feel better angel! The two-week countdown is officially on. Speak tomorrow, love you! Xxx</strong>
</p><p>A pang of guilt washed over Santana as she read the message, but before she could think too deep into it, she handed Maribel the phone to take the photo.</p><p>"Just perfect!" Maribel exclaimed in adoration, setting the phone down, as Santana went back to gazing at her daughter. A knock at the bedroom door broke them from their thoughts.</p><p>"Santana?" Sandra called "I have the Social Worker out here"</p><p>Santana's eyes grew wide as she stared down at the sleeping little girl in her arms and back up to her mom. She chewed anxiously on her bottom lip, as her eyes moved over her daughter. Making eye contact with Maribel again, she simply said.</p><p>"I've changed my mind. I want to keep her, Mom." Before looking back down at her daughter with an adoring smile "I'm gonna be a good Mommy'.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was 3am, and an exhausted Santana rocked her crying ten-day old daughter back and forth. Nothing she was doing was working, and she couldn't help but feel a failure.</p><p>"Mila…shh, shh" she soothed, bouncing the infant gently in her arms. Suddenly her bedroom door opened, to reveal a concerned looking George.</p><p>"My life's over Dad" Santana wailed, frustrated</p><p>"Why don't you let Abuelo have a try?" George said gently, holding his arms out to take baby Mila. Santana gladly obliged, helplessly handing her daughter over.</p><p>"You know, I still remember the drive home from the hospital when you were born" George said, as he rocked Mila gently "You screamed blue murder, the whole journey home. I was so scared I jumped three red lights, lost my license".</p><p>"You've never told me that before" said Santana, studying her father.</p><p>"You weren't part of the club" he smiled, before turning his attention back to Mila.</p><p>Santana watched lovingly as he tended to Mila. He was strict, but to Santana he had been the best dad in the world, and a great role model. She felt comforted knowing he had struggled before. Maybe she wasn't a failure. Maybe this was just what being a parent was all about.</p><hr/><p>It was 3am, and an exhausted Brittany sighed in satisfaction as she settled back into her bed, working to catch her breath. Suddenly a tight arm grabbed at her and pulled her in close, and a pang of nausea hit her.</p><p>She bolted up and flew into the bathroom, grateful to have an en-suite, and hurled the contents of the night's alcohol into the basin.</p><p><em>"Damnit Brittany, why did you drink so much"</em> she said to herself</p><p>"Oh. bloody charming that is!" a voice from the bedroom laughed. For a moment she had forgotten the British boy was even there.</p><p>She wasn't sure if it was the alcohol, or the one-night stand, but suddenly she felt really shit. She gathered herself, grabbed her robe and headed shamefully back into her bedroom.</p><p>"Yeah sorry about that, one too many Tequila slammers" she mustered a laugh "Actually... sorry but...would you mind leaving? I'm really not feeling so good now, and I could do with just having my bed to myself and sleeping it off".</p><p>The British boy frowned.</p><p>"Oh come on babes! I thought we could fit in at least another round. We were having fun" he said, pulling back the blanket to reveal his naked form, and thrusting his hips in a way that made Brittany cringe so hard she thought she may throw up again.</p><p>"No, you really need to go" Brittany warned firmly, throwing his discarded clothes over to him "now please".</p><p>The boy tutted and got dressed, clearly agitated.</p><p>"Your loss sweetheart!" he snarked, as he walked out the door. As soon as it slammed Brittany started to cry. She felt like a mess.</p><p>This wasn't the first one-night stand she'd had in New York to mask the huge feeling of loneliness she had hanging over her, and despite always thinking it was a good idea at the time, she never felt great afterwards.</p><p>New York life wasn't all it had cracked up to be, and she put that down to Santana not being there with her. This wasn't the life they had carved out. She found it difficult to fit in and had so far struggled to make friends and adapt to the fast-paced city life. She had always lived life somewhat in Santana's shadow. Santana was extrovert and confident (on the outside anyway, only Brittany got to see her vulnerable side), and she always led the way. Brittany, just fell into place, and it worked. Now she was having to take the lead for once, and she was struggling. There had been a few times she had come close to calling it quits and going home, but knowing Santana would be there soon, she had powered through.</p><p>The last 6 weeks had become somewhat easier, as Santana's moving date edged closer. Things were booked and plans were put into place, and their new life was finally on the horizon. The one-night stands had stopped, and Brittany was finally starting to feel happier, as she counted down the days.</p><p>But in the past week or so, things had changed.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>The day after Santana's bad period pain, Brittany hadn't heard from her.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>To: Santana</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>How you feeling today? You still down to Skype later? Xx</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>She had text her. It was a couple of hours later when she got a reply.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>To: Brittany</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Sorry Brit, still feel mega bad! Going to have to cancel on Skype tonight</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany was disappointed but understood, of course. The next day Santana was barely replying to Brittany's texts again, and Brittany was starting to worry. She called her a couple of times but no answer. This wasn't like Santana, they usually messaged non-stop.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That night, Santana had eased her worries with a text.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>To: Brittany</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Hey you! I'm so sorry I haven't been texting back much. I don't know what's wrong with me, but i've just been so sick. I don't think it's bad period pain anymore. I just need to rest and sleep loads. Must be some sort of bad virus but I'm wiped out! Good job my dad is a doctor! Xxx</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>That made sense to Brittany. If Santana was sick, of course she wouldn't be texting loads or able to Skype. She missed her and their nightly Skype sessions, but at least soon she'd be here physically.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Over the course of the next three days Brittany didn't hear much from Santana. Brittany would send her nice texts to try make her feel better, and would sometimes get the odd emoji in reply, but nothing substantial. They'd never gone this long without properly speaking before and it felt weird.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Santana must be really sick" Brittany thought.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She was concerned about her best friend, but she also knew that having a doctor as a dad meant she was in the safest hands. She was close to the Lopez family, and she knew they'd let her know if it was anything too serious.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>On the fifth day, Brittany looked at her calendar and realised it was a week until Santana's flight. She had butterflies just thinking about it. She got her phone out to text her.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>To: Santana</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Morning gorgeous bestie, how are you feeling today? On the road to recovery yet? You better recover fast because guess what? A WEEK TODAY UNTIL YOU COME HERE! WOOHOOOO! xxxx</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>That evening, Brittany was disappointed to see she hadn't received a text back. It sucked not having anyone to share the excitement with. They should be on Skype right now planning everything. What was wrong with Santana that meant she couldn't even send a text back. It felt like she had been sick for days now. What if it was something really serious? What if George just didn't realise how sick she was, because he was busy with work.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She pulled out her phone to call Santana. She expected it to ring out, the poor sick baby was probably sleeping, but she was shocked to see it rang twice before being cut off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She tried again, but the same thing happened.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If Santana could reject her phone calls, surely she could at least send a short text to let her know she was okay.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>To: Santana</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Are you blowing me off missy ;)</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>This time, Santana's reply was almost instantaneous</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>To: Brittany</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Sorry, kinda caught up and can't talk right now x</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Now Brittany was really confused. Caught up with what? She said she was sick?</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>To: Santana</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Oh okay! But are you feeling better? Starting to really worry about you now, you seem to have been feeling sick for ages xx</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Another instant reply</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>To: Brittany</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Yeah, feeling better. Don't worry! x</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany's head was spinning. Santana was feeling better, so why couldn't she talk? Why hadn't she called her or text her or replied to her message earlier. Something was off.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>To: Santana</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I'm so glad! You did have me worried there. Can we Skype tomorrow? I've missed you!xxx</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>…no response</em>
</p><hr/><p>Which brings us back to present day. Over the past three days, Brittany had heard nothing at all from Santana. She had text her and called her several times, but nothing. She knew she wasn't sick anymore, so what the hell was going on? Santana was due to be here in four days and Brittany was so in the dark about it all. Would she even show up?</p><p>At first she had thought maybe Santana was planning a big surprise. Maybe she was going to arrive early or something like that, and that's why she'd been acting suspicious. But after the first day of radio silence, Brittany knew it was more than that. Santana could never go this long without speaking to her best friend, especially not over some surprise.</p><p>She was so lonely, and so upset. She had no idea why her best friend almost 14 years was suddenly ignoring her. She'd racked her brains but couldn't find any solution. Tonight, it had all got too much for her, and she'd gone out and got stupidly drunk, bringing home the first guy that paid attention to her.</p><p>As she sat on her bed, 3:30AM, she felt lonelier than ever. She needed a familiar voice; someone she could trust. She found herself calling someone she knew would answer at this time, someone she never thought she'd call for comfort but here she was. It's crazy how when you're at your loneliest, you find comfort in the strangest places. Plus, he was the only person in her circle still in Lima, maybe he'd know something.</p><p>The phone rang three times before the familiar southern drawl sounded.</p><p>"Brittany?"</p><p>He was right to sound confused; it was 3:30AM and they hadn't really spoken much since Brittany had left for New York.</p><p>"Hi Sam" she said simply</p><p>"What's wrong? Is everything okay?" he asked, sitting up in concern.</p><p>"Not really no…" she began, before telling Sam the whole story of everything.</p><p>"So you haven't seen her around? You don't know anything?" she clarified, after recounting the whole story of the past confusing few days.</p><p>"No sorry, I haven't seen her at all since last Summer. But if I do find out anything, I'll let you know. You're right it is really strange behaviour, especially for you two I mean…you were always so…close." He mused</p><p>Brittany sighed.</p><p>"I know that's why I don't get this. We've never ever fallen out or stopped speaking before apart from the one time I kept a secret from her" she began, deciding not to go into detail being that the secret was the time Brittany had lost her virginity to him "There's nothing I even could have done recently to upset her I just don't…I don't get it. We were so excited for New York, and now I don't even know if she's coming".</p><p>"Wait…maybe that's it!" Sam proposed</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"Well you said she completely ignored your New York text, and as the days have got closer to her coming over here, she's got more and more distant. Maybe she's getting cold feet. Maybe she doesn't want to move over there anymore, but she doesn't know how to say it, so she's avoiding you? I mean it makes sense"</p><p>Brittany thought about it. He was right it did make sense, but they'd planned this for years, surely Santana wouldn't just change her mind like this.</p><p>"I mean I guess but…why wouldn't she just tell me?"</p><p>"I don't know" Sam shrugged "Maybe she thinks the truth will hurt you. She loves you doesn't she so…she'd never want to hurt you. Look if I know anything about you two, it's that you're great friends, you'll sort this out. She might just be having momentary doubts, but then she'll realise she's being stupid, and she can't stay in Lima forever. This time next week you'll probably be laughing about this over an illegally bought cocktail. Guess the Fake ID is doing you wonders sensing by how drunk you sound tonight?" he laughed.</p><p>This caused Brittany to laugh too, maybe Sam was right.</p><p>"See, that's what I wanna hear! Happy Brittany. Listen, don't stress it okay? You'll be fine. And if I do see her or hear anything, I'll be sure to let you know. But for now, I really gotta go Brittany, it's been great catching up but I'm going to be so tired at work tomorrow".</p><p>For the first time in the past few days, Brittany let out a genuine smile.</p><p>"Thanks Sam"</p><p>He was a good boy, and she felt bad she'd thought nothing of breaking his heart to come here. She made a mental note to check in with him more often, just as a friend, before closing her eyes to let sleep wash over her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the day Santana would have been flying to New York, and she couldn't stop thinking about it. She also couldn't stop thinking about Brittany. She missed her so much, and she was riddled with guilt over everything. She felt bad for ignoring her, she felt bad for naively thinking she could give birth to a child, put her up for adoption and move to New York and never look back, she felt bad for lying to her about her pregnancy, she felt bad for <em>everything</em>.</p><p>Mila was two weeks old now, and she hadn't left the house since she had been born, but she knew she needed to get out today and take her mind off what life could have been. She was scared she'd bump into someone she knew, because hardly anyone had known she was pregnant, never mind now had a child. However, she knew most of her school friends had left Lima for college. She didn't regret Mila one bit now she was here, but she wished she was doing the same.</p><p>As she pushed the stroller along, she thought about Brittany and how she was going to sort this mess out. She was knee deep in the biggest lie ever. The moment she had decided to keep Mila, was the moment she had started to push Brittany away, because the alternative was telling her everything. The longer you lie to someone, the harder it is to tell the truth, and that's how it felt with Brittany. How could she suddenly turn around now and say, "Sorry I'm not coming to New York in two weeks anymore to live our dream life that we've planned since childhood, because I now actually have a baby that I never told you about".</p><p>What made it worse, was that she knew Brittany hated lying. What if she hated her because of it? Santana didn't think she could handle that. She'd had the nerve to fall out with Brittany before over 'keeping secrets from her'. That was <em>nothing</em> compared to this, and Brittany hadn't lied, she just hadn't told her.</p><p>Another thing that worried her, was the way the news would disappoint Brittany. It was the reason she hadn't told her from the beginning. She knew New York was a shared dream they had together, and the minute she told Brittany she couldn't be a part of that anymore, was the minute she'd be killing Brittany's dream too. She felt sick at the thought of upsetting and disappointing Brittany, but surely what she was doing now was just as bad.</p><p>She didn't really have a plan; she was just making it up as she went along. First she had feigned sickness, but then Brittany had text her saying she was really worried about her. She couldn't have Brittany worrying, so she assured her she wasn't sick anymore. But then Brittany had asked to speak to her, and she couldn't. So since then, she had reluctantly ignored her, and it was killing her. She knew she couldn't go on like this for much longer, for both their sakes. She missed her best friend, and she knew Brittany would be going crazy with worry as well, wondering what she did wrong. She had always promised to protect Brit, but now it felt like she was the one hurting her the most.</p><p>It was lie after lie that had got her to this point, and she felt smothered by it all. She couldn't help but wonder how different things might have been, if she'd just told Brittany the truth that day nine months ago, when they sat in the Lima Bean on the day Brittany got her acceptance letter for Juilliard.</p><p>Her thoughts were broken by the sight of a face she hadn't seen in months.</p><p>
  <em>It was Sam.</em>
</p><p>She couldn't have anyone from school knowing about Mila. Not yet. What if he told Brittany? She was sure they didn't speak anymore but…she knew he was hurt by Brittany leaving for New York. She didn't ever think he was her biggest fan either. Maybe he'd tell her out of spite.</p><p>She ducked down behind the stroller, but this of course only drew more attention to her. She felt like an idiot.</p><p>"Santana?"</p><p>
  <em>Shit, shit, shit!</em>
</p><p>She pretended to tie her shoelaces, as she felt him edge closer, until suddenly he was there in front of her.</p><p>"I thought it was you!" Sam exclaimed.</p><p>Santana stood up and brushed herself off</p><p>"How are you?" Sam asked smiling at her, before peering into the stroller curiously "And who's this little one?"</p><p>Santana gulped. She wanted to tell the truth but, she just couldn't do it. She couldn't risk Brittany finding out from him. So, she did what she did best, and covered it up with another lie.</p><p>"Nannying" she smiled, please at her ability to think on her feet "I've been working as a Nanny, just while I save up"</p><p>Sam frowned. Brittany had never mentioned her being a Nanny, but then maybe it just wasn't relevant to the story. Then he clocked the date, today was the day she was due to go to New York.</p><p>"Ah yes you'll need that! You're heading to NYU to school, soon aren't you?" he probed</p><p>Santana looked down, flustered. Mila suddenly started screaming, and for once she was relieved. It was a welcome distraction.</p><p>She reached into the stroller scooped Mila out, rocking her gently to calm her. The comfort of her mother's arms caused her to quieten instantly.</p><p>"You're great with her" Sam smiled, before peering closer at the baby "You know to say she's not your child she looks a lot like you! I mean like she could be yours" he laughed.</p><p>Santana gulped and looked down, unable to meet Sam's eyes.</p><p>That's when Sam realised. The look on Santana's face had told him everything. This was going to kill Brittany.</p><p>He looked at her knowingly and sympathetically, and Santana hurriedly put Mila back in her stroller.</p><p>"Uh we've gotta go, her parents will be expecting her back soon! Bye"</p><p>And with that, Santana rushed off down the street.</p><p><em>Damn</em> thought Sam.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Sam Calling</strong>
</p><p>Brittany was on her way to class when her phone lit up. It had been an awful day. It was the day Santana was due to arrive, and of course Brittany had still heard nothing from her. A whole week with zero contact, it was torture.</p><p>The more she thought of it, the more she thought Sam was probably right, although she was secretly hoping Santana was going to just show up today and surprise her. She'd finish college to find her sitting there in her dorm.</p><p>If she wasn't, she'd just have to hold tight a couple more weeks. As soon as Spring Break arrived, Brittany was going to fly back to Lima and demand answers from Santana once and for all.</p><p>"What is it Sam? I'm running late to class" Brittany said into the device</p><p>"It's important. It's about Santana."</p><p>"Santana? What? Have you spoken to her?" said Brittany in a frenzy.</p><p>"I saw her an hour ago"</p><p>"Was she getting ready to leave for the airport? Did she have a master plan up her sleeve all along?" Brittany asked hopefully</p><p>"Look are you sitting down? What I'm about to tell you, is going to change everything Brittany…"</p><hr/><p>Brittany's heart stopped at what Sam had just told her. About how he'd seen Santana and she was extremely shifty, how she'd said she worked as a Nanny now, and how the child was the spitting image of Santana, and how she'd ran off when he clocked onto this.</p><p>Brittany paused for a moment as she processed everything, before letting out a laugh.</p><p>"Santana with a baby? No…there's no way. I mean it's impossible. We only stopped speaking properly two weeks ago. I would have known if she was pregnant."</p><p>"Trust me Brittany, I know what I saw. That baby was hers. You should have seen the panic across her face when she saw me"</p><p>"That was probably just because she knew you'd been speaking to me"</p><p>"How long since she stopped speaking to you properly again?"</p><p>"Two weeks" Brittany answered sadly.</p><p>"Well it's funny because…I'd say that baby was around two weeks old. I mean, think about it Brittany, it all adds up"</p><p>Brittany stopped in silence to think about it, as she cast her mind over the past nine months. She felt a pang of hurt in her chest. She also felt a pang of guilt. If this was true, was she really not the type of friend Santana could trust? After everything they'd been through. It couldn't be true.</p><p>"But…she wouldn't not tell me something like that. She tells me everything" Brittany said, more to herself than to Sam, her voice small.</p><p>"Maybe she was just scared I don't know? You'd have to speak to her about it. Are you okay? I'm so sorry Brittany it must be a shock. I know she's your best friend…"</p><p>Brittany gathered her emotions and was taken over by a sudden determination.</p><p>"Actually Sam, I'm fine, and I really appreciate you telling me. You've been a great to friend to me this past week, but I've gotta go. There's something I need to do".</p><p>And with that Brittany hung up the phone and headed out of school back to her dorm.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day, a weary eyed Santana was folding Mila's freshly washed baby clothes, sorting them into piles. The stereo was on low in the background, loud enough to make the task more fun, but quiet enough so not to wake Mila.</p><p>Santana sighed at the monotonous task.</p><p>This was her life now.</p><p>She was awoken from her personal pity party by a knock at the door.</p><p>"Get that please Santana! It's probably your dad. He's probably forgotten his key again" Maribel shouted from upstairs.</p><p>Sighing as she stood up due to the tiredness she felt as she lugged her aching and sleep deprived body towards the door, she opened it a little too forcefully, ready to spin around and go back to her task as soon as she opened it. But she was stopped in her tracks.</p><p>There in front of her, leaning against the door frame with a slight smirk, was <em>Brittany</em>.</p><hr/><p>Santana couldn't help the gasp that escaped from her mouth.</p><p>"Brittany!" she exclaimed; the surprise evident in her voice "What are…wh...what are you doing here?"</p><p>Santana was so happy to see Brittany, for the first time in almost seven months, but at the same time the panic was rising. Mila was inside. Was her big secret about to come spilling about?</p><p>"Just popped back for the weekend" Brittany smiled "Thought I'd surprise you" she said casually.</p><p>Santana was suspicious. She'd not spoken to Brittany properly since the day Mila was born two weeks ago, and for a whole week of that there'd been zero contact at all. Now Brittany was back here, acting like nothing had happened.</p><p>"Great!" Santana exclaimed, she'd been caught so far off guard, that she didn't know what to do. She grabbed her coat off the hook "Let's go for a coffee!" Santana smiled unconvincingly.</p><p>Anything to steer Brittany away from the house full of baby things, and the baby herself, who was sleeping upstairs.</p><p>"No…no, let's stay here. We can sit in your room like old times sake" Brittany smiled. Santana nodded slightly, which led Brittany to waltz straight into the Lopez residence.</p><p>Santana's heart was beating out of her chest and she could feel the beads of sweat forming on her head.</p><p>Brittany started walking upstairs, she always made herself at home here, it was like a second home to her.</p><p>Santana froze, knowing Mila was sleeping in her room.</p><p>"Actually Brit, my room is a bit of a mess, let's…hang out in the living room" she said, pulling Brittany gently back down the stairs and in the direction of the living room.</p><p>Brittany couldn't help the smile that formed, as she heard the nickname <em>Brit</em>.</p><p>"Could you go grab us some snacks from the kitchen?" Santana asked "Can't have a catch up without snacks" her voice was a little too high.</p><p>"Sure!" Brittany headed into the kitchen, leaving Santana frantically flying around the living room discarding of all evidence.</p><p>Brittany returned with the snacks to find Santana looking dishevelled and out of breath.</p><p>"Are you okay, you seem stressed?" she questioned knowingly</p><p>"Yep…yeah totally fine! Anyway, how's your classes been going?"</p><p>Brittany really had to laugh at Santana's attempt at small talk here, they would never communicate like this. She looked on amused, as Santana busied herself clearing the dining table.</p><p>"Yeah great, it's like I told you on Skype, I love the course. It really helps me express myself. So much to learn…how do you find these breast pumps by the way? Lots of women don't like them" Brittany said trivially, flipping the breast pump that she had picked up in the kitchen, in her hands.</p><p>"Uh they're a total nightmare!" said Santana, distracted by the clearing of the table she was still doing</p><p>Santana then realised what Brittany had said, and what she had said, and she froze as a heavy silence filled the air. Brittany, sensing Santana's realisation, raised her eyebrows and let out a smile of disbelief.</p><p>"Oh God…" Santana remarked, unable to turn and face Brittany. She swallowed harshly.</p><p>"How did you…?" She finally turned to look at Brittany, who was staring down, fiddling with the pump.</p><p>"Sam" Brittany simply said, placing the pump on the side. She knew now that Santana was looking at her, but she couldn't turn to meet her gaze.</p><p>A million emotions were going through her body. She had come here today knowing what she was going to find, but to have it actually confirmed, hurt like hell. She felt so hurt, and so betrayed, that Santana would go to such lengths to keep a secret <em>this</em> big. She almost wanted to leave and never come back. But she needed an explanation.</p><p>"I was gonna tell you Brit, I promise" Santana said softly, her head tilted in concern.</p><p>"When?" Brittany shrugged, finally turning to lock eyes with the girl.</p><p>"I didn't…I didn't wanna hold you back" Santana confessed, tears started falling from her eyes, and Brittany felt a pang in her chest. It took everything not to run over and comfort her.</p><p>They were suddenly startled by the sound of Mila crying on the intercom. Brittany took this as her cue to leave. She had booked the next flight available to come here as soon as she'd heard the news from Sam. She had to make sure and see for herself, now she knew, and she could leave again.</p><p>"I should go" Brittany said, clearing her throat</p><p>"No Brit! Wait, please? At least come and meet her?"</p><p>Brittany was unsure. This was all a lot to handle. In the space of 24 hours she'd found that her best friend was a mother, she'd lied to her for 9 months, and now she was being introduced to said child.</p><p>"Please?" Santana pleaded again, her eyes shining.</p><p>Brittany could never say no to those big brown eyes. She nodded, following Santana up the stairs.</p><p>When they reached Santana's room, Brittany looked around in sadness. They shared so many memories in this room, memories that used to make her feel so happy. Now she just felt incredibly sad.</p><p>She watched as Santana tenderly scooped the baby out of her crib, rocking and cooing her gently. She was great with her. Santana had never been a 'kid person', whereas Brittany had always been the more maternal type, but seeing how good Santana was brought a tear to Brittany's eye. She had only been a mother for two-weeks but seemed to have taken to it like a duck to water. Just like that, the little girl had stopped crying.</p><p><em>It's amazing how babies know their mothers touch so instantly, </em>Brittany thought, wiping the tear away as quickly as it fell.</p><p>Santana edged close towards Brittany, stopping just in front of her. She looked at Brittany, then down at Mila.</p><p>"Her name's Mila by the way. Mila Grace Lopez" she smiled, genuinely proud to be the little girls' mother.</p><p>Santana was about to ask Brittany if she wanted to hold her, but she didn't want to overwhelm her too much, so instead she went over to the bed. She sat down and lay Mila next to her, before gesturing over to Brittany.</p><p>"Come sit" she smiled</p><p>Brittany hesitantly walked towards the bed, before climbing on and sitting down opposite them. She stared at Mila and felt tears spring to her eyes. She looked just like Santana. Santana felt tears in her own eyes as she watched her best friends face fill with love.</p><p>She had wanted to witness this moment since the day Mila was born.</p><p>Brittany reached out to stroke Mila's cheek, silently looking at Santana for approval. Santana nodded. She felt sad Brittany even felt the need to ask. As she stroked her fingers against Mila's soft cheek, Santana spoke.</p><p>"She knows all about her Aunty Brit, I tell her about you every day" her voice thick with emotion.</p><p>Brittany smiled, not taking her eyes off the little girl.</p><p>"She's started crying a lot more this week" Santana began "Dad thinks it might be Colic."</p><p>Brittany looked at Santana properly for the first time since she got there. She looked so tired. She gave her a sympathetic smile. She didn't quite know how to broach the next subject. She cleared her throat nervously.</p><p>"And I take it the dad?"</p><p>"Puck." Santana replied simply, knowing what Brittany was asking. "Puck is the father"</p><p>"And he's not in the picture?"</p><p>Santana shook her head</p><p>"When I first found out I was pregnant, I wasn't sure what I'd do. You know, if I'd keep her. But I thought I should let him know anyway. He just laughed it off, made a joke. He wasn't bothered by it. I never heard a thing throughout my whole pregnancy. Not even a text to see how I'd been, if the baby was okay, nothing. I text him the day after she was born, with a photo of her and all the details…" Santana recounted</p><p>
  <strong>To: Puck</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Hi Puck, Hope you've been keeping well. I wanted to let you know our little girl was born yesterday, and she's doing well. She weighs a little over 6 pounds so she's pretty tiny. She's super cute. I know I talked about adoption before, but I've fallen in love with her and decided to keep her. I think she is crazily like me but can see you in her too, around the mouth area a little. Here's a photo of her anyway! Her name is Mila- Santana x</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>To Santana's surprise her phone started ringing 2 minutes after the text was sent. It was Puck. Maybe he was going to step up now he knew she was keeping her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hello?" she answered</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How much do you want?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What?" Santana frowned, confused</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How much do you want? To keep quiet about the kid and back off out my life"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Puck what on earth are you talking about?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You heard! Look I don't want nothing to do with some stupid kid okay? I've got a new life out here in Miami, and I'm not having anything mess that up. So tell me what I owe, and I'll pay up, but don't be expecting anything else from me"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana felt the rage burning inside her</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You fucking idiot! I don't want anything from you. All I wanted was to do the decent thing and send you a photo of YOUR daughter. It was foolish of me to think you'd actually care" she laughed sarcastically "I don't want your money. That's not the reason I text you. My daughter doesn't need your money, and she most certainly doesn't need YOU" Santana spat, before hanging up the phone, hugging her daughter protectively.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She hadn't expected Puck to turn around and play happy families, but she also didn't expect him to be so cruel about his own daughter and reject her like that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Knowing how much she loved her own dad, she felt guilty that Mila wouldn't get that chance, so she thought she'd try again</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>To: Puck</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I'm sorry for the other day, I didn't mean to shout. Look Puck I'm not expecting anything from you, not your money, not your time, not anything. I appreciate you live in Miami now and you've built a life over there. But whenever you're back for a visit in Lima, I'd love you to meet our daughter. She's amazing, and I know she'd love to get the chance to meet her daddy one time</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>As soon as she sent the message her phone buzzed, and she picked up her phone frantically to check Puck's response, only to find her message couldn't be delivered.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Puck had blocked her number.</em>
</p><p>Brittany listened intently as Santana finished the story, before shaking her head. She placed her finger in Mila's small hand, smiling as Mila gripped onto her. How could Puck want to miss out on this.</p><p>"What a d-bag!" she sighed, referring to Puck, Santana nodded her head in agreement.</p><p>"I didn't realise you had slept with him again after Prom Night" Brittany continued</p><p>"I didn't" Santana replied, causing Brittany to frown "I guess I just got unlucky. Plan B is 90% effective and I must have been in the unlucky 10%. I used condoms and Plan B and I still wound up pregnant, I guess you could call me a walking abstinence advert" Santana joked.</p><p>Brittany felt crushed. She felt guilty. She'd been the one to take care of Santana after that night, she was sure the Plan B would sort everything out. But it hadn't, and Santana had gone through all of this alone. Maybe Santana blamed her, for not sorting it out properly. Maybe that's why she never told her. They both just stared down at Mila, watching her sleep. After a long silence, Santana looked up at Brittany.</p><p>"I think…not telling you, was a way to keep the dream alive you know? So, there was at least someone out there, who still saw me as Santana, and not this…strange new person I've become." Santana smiled sadly.</p><p>Brittany returned the smile, before sighing.</p><p>"I just wish…I wish I'd been the sort of best friend you thought you could trust with this. So you didn't have to go through it all alone. I should have been better".</p><p>Santana's head shot up at Brittany's words, as she shook her head furiously</p><p>"Brittany no! No no no. You don't get it" she exclaimed desperately "You couldn't have been a better friend to me, don't you see? That's why I didn't tell you. I didn't want to disappoint you or upset you. But I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you from the minute I found out. I messaged you straight away to tell you, but you were going out for dinner with Sam and his parents that night and I…"</p><p>Brittany's face fell as she cast her mind back to that night</p><p>"Santana I…"</p><p>"No Brit, don't you dare say anything because it wasn't your fault. How were you to know I was going to tell you something like that?" when she was sure Brittany wasn't going to object, Santana continued "You asked to meet the next day and I was going to tell you then. But you'd just gotten your Juilliard acceptance letter and you were so excited about our New York dreams. I couldn't ruin that with my news, I just couldn't"</p><p>"Every time you went to tell me, I ruined it with my big mouth" Brittany sniffed, tears welling up in her eyes</p><p>"No! Brittany listen to me; it wasn't like that at all. I had ample time to tell you, it was just…I don't know, my own inner guilt at messing things up. I knew I'd be ruining your dreams as well as mine, and I couldn't stand that. We'd talked about that day when we moved to New York for <em>years</em>"</p><p>"You know, if you'd told me you were pregnant, I wouldn't have gone. I would have stayed right here and helped you"</p><p>At this point both girls were crying. Santana reached out and put both hands on Brittany's knees.</p><p>"I know you would. I know that's the kind of friend you are. You're the best friend I could ever ask for, but don't you see that's why I couldn't tell you? I couldn't live with my mistakes ruining your life. Seeing your excitement at getting into Julliard, getting a scholarship Brittany! I was so proud of you. I am so proud of you. I couldn't let this ruin that" said Santana, gesturing to her stomach, rather than to Mila herself.</p><p>"But my dream wasn't college or scholarships. That was just a gateway to the actual dream. My dream was just New York, with you. It was anywhere with you. We could have done what we planned in New York, in Lima" Brittany smiled sadly</p><p>Santana blinked back the tears</p><p>"I know. I know and that was my dream too" Santana nodded "And that's why I deferred my entry to Spring. I know I lied about saying I didn't get in for the Fall, and they only offered me Spring entry, but I didn't lie about the rest. I deferred my place and I had every intention of coming in Spring. I was going to give Mila up for adoption, it was all arranged, all the plans were in place. The flight was really booked, and all those plans we made were real. I…I really thought we'd do all that. I know I've told a lot of lies recently, but that was never one of them. Maybe it was a crazy idea, but at the time, I really believed it would work. I wasn't just stringing you along with a plan to never show up it's just…things changed"</p><p>"How come you didn't tell me you were pregnant at that point? Why didn't you just tell me the truth and say you'd be coming to New York once you'd had the baby. I still could have been there for you" Brittany shrugged</p><p>"Multiple reasons." Santana replied "I was afraid if you knew you'd fly home, choose to defer with me, lose your scholarship"</p><p>Brittany sighed; it was a fair point. She would have done exactly that.</p><p>"It all comes down to me not ruining your life and your plans and I just knew that if you knew I was pregnant, it would have. And it's also like I told you before. Telling you made it real. I didn't want to face up to it. Everyone around me was telling me I was stupid, that I needed to really think the adoption through, that I was naive to think I could just skip off to New York two weeks after giving birth, and act like it never happened. Wherever I turned, the reality was shoved down my throat when, I didn't want to face it yet. But with you, it was an escape. We'd just talk about New York and our future and...it all seemed so exciting. You never put any obstacles in the way because…you didn't know the truth. And God Brittany, you don't know how many times I wished you knew, because I wanted you to help me, and I'd wish I never lied but…would I do it all again to see you go off to Julliard and achieve your dreams? Absolutely." Santana signed, pausing slightly to let Brittany sink the information in before adding "Am I making sense?"</p><p>Brittany nodded her understanding, swallowing her tears.</p><p>"You know how it is as well. The longer you keep a secret the harder it is to tell. I felt so guilty you not knowing but…I just figured I'd give birth and hand her over to her new family and move and…you'd never have to know. If I hadn't of kept her, I would have told you later down the line, probably not too far into New York. Because then I'd know I wouldn't be ruining anything. But obviously that's not how things panned out"</p><p>Santana glanced down at her daughter with a smile</p><p>"The minute she was born, before I'd even seen her, I was so overwhelmed with love. Just hearing her cry and…I just so desperately wanted to hold her but…I knew I couldn't. I knew the minute I did, I'd never want to give her up. My Mom was walking out with her, when I heard her do a little hiccup. She'd done it before once when I was pregnant, she wouldn't stop hiccupping so I showed her how to hold her breath to make them go away" Santana laughed tearfully, causing Brittany to laugh with her "It worked and…I suddenly felt this bond with her. But I pushed it to the back of my mind, knowing I was giving her up. The moment I heard her do that when she was born, I just knew I couldn't give her away. I asked to hold her and honestly Brit, the love was just…instant. I still can't believe I managed to create something so perfect"</p><p>Brittany smiled, looking from Santana to Mila, her eyes glassy with emotion</p><p>"I can" said Brittany, causing Santana's face to light up, before it fell again to relay the next part.</p><p>"That's why I was so distant this past couple of weeks. It's been so awful not talking to you but, as soon as I knew I was keeping her, I knew I wouldn't be able to come to New York with you and…I just didn't know how to tell you. I didn't know where to begin. I knew I'd have to tell you eventually but…I didn't know how. So, I guess I just buried my head in the sand. Anyway, now you know." Santana looked down "I'm so sorry Brit!" she began hysterically crying.</p><p>Brittany swooped forward, enveloping Santana into a huge hug. She rubbed her back and comforted her. The girl had been through so much, and her reasoning made sense. She couldn't stay mad with her any longer.</p><p>"It's okay, it's okay. I'm here now" Brittany soothed, before pulling back emotionally "Just promise me we'll never go not speaking like that again?"</p><p>"I <em>promise</em> you Brittany" Santana said grabbing Brittany's face and forcing her to look at her "I love you <em>so</em> much"</p><p>Santana embraced Brittany who was sobbing hard. She clung onto Santana, so glad to have her best friend back in both a physical and a metaphorical sense.</p><p>"I love you too" Brittany said, through her tears.</p><p>After a few more minutes embracing, Santana pulled back to offer her pinkie, which Brittany gladly took. They both lay back on the bed, silently just watching Mila, with their pinkies still linked. A silent promise to each other to never let things get like this again.</p><p>Then out of the blue Brittany said</p><p>"Can I be Godparent?" knowing that Santana would be getting Mila christened, since her family were very religious.</p><p>Santana looked at Brittany intently with a smile, before cupping her cheek gently.</p><p>"I'd love nothing more"</p><p>And with that she leaned forwards and placed a tender kiss on Brittany's cheek, before pulling back to rest her head on Brittany's shoulder.</p><p>For the first time in months, they both let out a content and happy sigh.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the next day, and Brittany and Santana were sitting in the park together with their coffee's. They'd spent the rest of Saturday together, just playing with Mila and having a big old catch up, before Brittany had left to go and spend some time with her family. She had her flight back to New York Sunday evening, so it was a short but sweet visit. Knowing how much her daughter needed some time alone with her best friend, away from being a mother, Maribel offered to watch Mila.</p><p>"Nope. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't taste the same now." Brittany laughed, taking a sip of her coffee "Once you have New York coffee, I'm telling you, you never go back."</p><p>Santana laughed along with Brittany, before her face fell, letting out a sad smile.</p><p>"Well at least in a matter of hours, you'll be back there"</p><p>"Yeah" Brittany smiled sadly, letting out a sigh.</p><p>"I'll have to come visit you" Santana said, breaking the unhappy silence that had washed over them "When Mila is a bit older though. I don't think I could get on a plane with her just yet" she laughed.</p><p>"Santana?" Brittany asked softly, causing Santana to turn and look at her.</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"I don't wanna go back to New York" Brittany confessed.</p><p>Santana nodded at the blonde, urging her to continue.</p><p>"It's just…it's just not what I expected it to be. I love the coffee, but that's about it. I'm desperately lonely over there, and I don't fit in. I miss my family, I miss Lima, I miss…<em>you</em>" Brittany admitted, unable to stop the tears falling from her eyes.</p><p>Santana reached out to tenderly wipe Brittany's tears away. She hated seeing Brittany cry more than anything.</p><p>"The only thing keeping me hanging on out there was the fact you were coming, but now you're not" Brittany smiled sadly "And being back here in Lima, around everyone I love, has only made me realise how much I just don't wanna go back there."</p><p>"Brit…"</p><p>"No San, just listen. I've spent months tangled up in knots, and in 5 minutes of being back here, you straightened me out." Brittany adjusts herself to rest again Santana, laying her head on her shoulder. Santana brings her arm up around Brittany, softly stroking her arm. It would usually be the other way around, but today, Brittany needed the comfort.</p><p>"New York was exciting when you were in the picture, now you're not going to be, it's just…dull and grey. Lima, the place I've wanted to get out of my whole life is suddenly the place I want to be. And you know what I think I've just realised? Home isn't just a destination to me, it's you. It's wherever I am in the world with you. We can live the life we wanted in New York, but here instead. As long as we're together, nothing else matters".</p><p>"You and me…" Brittany continued taking Santana's hand into her lap.</p><p>"Me and you" she whispered, absentmindedly drawing a heart with her finger on Santana's hand.</p><p>"Both of us together" she smiled, this time clasping her fingers around the hand, their fingers gliding perfectly together.</p><p>Santana's eyes filled up with tears as she stared down at Brittany. Her words were so simple yet so powerful. Santana knew she felt the same way. Brittany was her happiness and her home and her comfort. With Brittany, she could do anything. She was distracted by Brittany moving, rumbling in her pocket for something.</p><p>"What are you doing?" asked Santana</p><p>"I'm cancelling my flight. I'm staying right here, where I belong" Brittany said simply.</p><hr/><p>Santana watched with anguish as she watched Brittany grab her phone, ready to cancel her flight. This was going to kill her and Brittany, but she needed to do it.</p><p>"Brit, you can't…"</p><p>"Don't be silly, course I can. It's still a few hours before check in. Sure, I'll probably lose the money but who cares? Maybe if I'm lucky, they'll give me a voucher. We can use it to take Mila somewhere when she's older" she smiled excitedly</p><p>"No, I mean you can't…you can't not go back to New York"</p><p>Brittany frowned, hanging up the phone.</p><p>"Did you not hear what I just said? I said I hate it there."</p><p>"I know, I know I heard you but…I know you Brit. I know you inside out, probably better than I know myself. I know how you absolutely hate being pushed out of your comfort zone. The first day of Kindergarten, the first time that we met" Santana smiled at the memory "It was a big change for you, and you hated it, but you stuck it out because you had no choice. What happened at the end of Elementary School?" she pressed.</p><p>"I cried because I was sad to leave. Because I ended up loving that school so much"</p><p>Santana nodded, before continuing</p><p>"How about the time when we went camping in Middle School, and we had to all of those activities like caving and rock climbing, and you cried because you were scared to do it. What happened in the end?"</p><p>Brittany cast her mind back.</p><p>"I did it, and I was given an award at prize giving for my effort"</p><p>Another nod from Santana</p><p>"Yep, and then you went on to volunteer at Summer Camp in High School, and you said yourself you think they gave you the job because of that experience. And you used it to help all those scared, homesick kids" she reminded Brittany.</p><p>Brittany smiled; she'd forgotten about that.</p><p>"How about the time in Cheerios? Where Sue put you in charge of choreographing a section of the routine, and gave you that huge feature? When you were panicking that you weren't good enough. Before we went on, you said you were paralysed with fear. But what happened?"</p><p>Brittany shook her head emotionally; she could see what Santana was trying to do now.</p><p>"We won" she said simply, her voice cracking.</p><p>Santana took Brittany's hands in hers, forcing her to look at her, staring at her intently.</p><p>"And can you remember what you said at the beginning of Senior Year?" asked Santana "You said that you would never graduate High School and get into college. And what happened Brittany?"</p><p>"I graduated and got into college" Brittany replied, her lip quivering as she stared into Santana's big brown eyes.</p><p>"<em>With</em> a scholarship!" Santana added.</p><p>Brittany wiped her tears with the back of her hand, only for more to fall.</p><p>"But I did all of that with you Santana. You helped me through all of it. Without you I wouldn't have been able to do any of that stuff."</p><p>"No Brittany you just think I helped you, but really you did it all by yourself. You're stronger than you ever give yourself credit for, and I know that because I truly know you Brit. I've seen you do it all" she moved her hands to cup Brittany's face, wiping her tears away with her thumbs.</p><p>"I have watched you grow from a little girl, to the amazing person you are today. All I've done is been by your side to catch you, but I've never needed to do it. You've rose to every challenge that life has ever thrown at you. All these years, it's been you holding me up, not me holding you. And this…this will be no different. My Abuela once told me that being out of your comfort zone is part of God's plan to test you. He'll never give you anything he doesn't think you can handle, and it's always a sign of good things to come. Because when you finally push through it and come out the other end, you'll be stronger for it. It'll end up being one of the best experiences in your life, just like all those other examples have"</p><p>"But I have nobody out there, I'm so lonely" Brittany sobbed softly. This broke Santana's heart.</p><p>"Have you been putting yourself out there much? I know there's been times you've been invited to parties, but you didn't go so you could spend the evening on Skype with me. Maybe now you know I can't come with you, you'll put yourself out there more, and focus on making some new friends"</p><p>"But I like spending my evening on Skype to you" Brittany sniffed</p><p>"And that doesn't have to change" Santana smiled "We can Skype whenever you want. All I'm saying is that you have one more term before the year's out. Maybe this time, force yourself to say yes more. You're the most amazing person I know, and people will be fighting to be your friend, you just have to try."</p><p>"What if I'm still miserable?"</p><p>"If at the end of the year you're still hating it, then I'll hold my hands up and say I'm wrong, and you can come back here, and we'll figure something else out. But I know you can do this Brit. I know it's going to end up great for you. I can't let you just give this up so easy. You love your course, right?"</p><p>"Yeah the course is great…"</p><p>"Well then all you need to do is focus on making friends like I said, and then you'll come to love it. It'll be the best thing you ever did, trust me. Just think, you could end up dancing for Beyoncé by the end of this." Santana raised her eyebrows, causing Brittany to smile "That's what you were meant to do, not teaching some snotty little kids in a run-down studio in Lima"</p><p>"And what about you? You're so clever Santana. Don't you want to go to college and carry on your dreams too?"</p><p>Santana smiled sadly and looked down.</p><p>"Life's taken a different path for me, for now. But I'll get there in the end. I'll end up where I'm meant to be, and if I'm still meant to be a hot-shot Lawyer it will happen. But, for now, I'm here, and I'm always going to be right here waiting for you. I just want you to see this year through, okay. For me?"</p><p>Brittany looked at Santana's pleading eyes and nodded sadly.</p><p>"Okay. For you."</p><hr/><p>The goodbye was emotional. Her dad was taking her to the airport, and Brittany had stared out of the car window at her mom who was a wreck, standing on the left side of the car. Maribel was standing slightly behind holding baby Mila, and Santana was pushed right up against the window, A single tear streaming down her face. She placed her hand against the window with a watery smile. Brittany lifted her own hand in return, placing it against Santana's smaller hand.</p><p>They stayed like that until Mr Pierce had to drive off, and Brittany had craned her neck to stare out the window at Santana, for as long as she was in view.</p><p>"I'll see you soon San" she whispered to herself sadly.</p><hr/><p>When she landed got back to her dorm it was almost 10pm. The weekend had emotionally drained her, and all she wanted to do was go to sleep, but some of her roommates had invited her to a party. She thought back to what Santana had said, who speaking of the devil, had just text her.</p><p>
  <strong>To: Brittany</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>You back in your dorm now? x</strong>
</p><p>They had been texting none stop since she landed. Brittany quickly typed out her reply.</p><p>
  <strong>To: Santana</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Yeah just got back! Some of my roomies are going to a party and asked if I want to go. I'm exhausted though!x</strong>
</p><p>No sooner had she text back, was her phone buzzing in her hand with Santana's reply</p><p>
  <strong>To: Brittany</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>OMG! You're going!</strong>
</p><p>Before Brittany had the chance to text back, she had an incoming call from Santana.</p><p>"Right talk me through all of your outfits! We need to pick you something to wear!" Santana said excitedly.</p><p>Brittany smiled, she more than appreciated her best friends' effort to be there, even if she was 600 miles away.</p><hr/><p>A couple of hours into the party Brittany found herself sitting alone on the sofa, drink in hand, musing over the past weekend. She'd spoken to a couple of people, and it had been a decent night, but she didn't really want to be there.</p><p>"Hey" she was brought out of her thoughts by a tall, dark, attractive man sitting down next to her "Everyone's wondering why the cute blonde girl is so sad" he said with a smile.</p><p>Brittany let out a small laugh.</p><p>"Sorry. Just not really feeling it, I'm a bit tired that's all"</p><p>The boy looked at her with a raised eyebrow and a smile, doubting her excuse. Brittany couldn't help but stare into his deep brown eyes. He was pretty handsome!</p><p>"Okay, I'm just missing home a lot. I just got back from visiting for the weekend, so I think that makes it harder" Brittany caved, giving the honest reason this time.</p><p>The boy smiled sympathetically.</p><p>"Hey I feel you. It happens to the best of us. I'm from Arizona, and I miss my family a lot" he said, taking a sip of his drink before continuing "How about yourself, where are you from?"</p><p>"Ohio" Brittany smiled sadly "Lima, to be precise"</p><p>"Never heard of it" the boy laughed "But I'm sure it's great"</p><p>"It's nothing special but it's…home" she smiled.</p><p>"I'm Denver, by the way" the boy stuck out his hand</p><p>"Brittany." The blonde smiled, shaking his hand.</p><p>"It's hard being homesick Brittany, but there comes a point where you have to think, this is where you are, and you just have to enjoy it. You never know, you might just have fun"</p><p>"I know, I know…you're right" Brittany nodded "So what do you study?" she asked in an attempt to change the conversation.</p><p>"I'm at NYU, 1st year of my JD" he smiled proudly. "How about you?"</p><p>At this Brittany swallowed and let out a sad sigh, thinking how Santana should be doing Law at NYU.</p><p>"Brittany?" Denver waved his hands in front of the distracted blonde's face, snapping her back into reality.</p><p>"Sorry" she smiled "I'm studying Dance at Juilliard. Shall we go get another drink?" she asked, changing the subject again.</p><p>"Sure!" Denver replied, holding his hand out to Brittany to pull her up.</p><hr/><p>Meanwhile in Lima, Santana was lay in bed wide awake, Mila sleeping contently on her chest. It was long past midnight, but she couldn't sleep, the weekends events playing on her mind. She thought about Brittany, and she hoped she was having fun and making friends. She'd not replied to her last text, so she could only assume that was the case.</p><p>She looked at the globe on her bedside table, the same one she has had for years. Closing her eyes, she spun it, before placing her finger down randomly.</p><p>She opened her eyes to the same 2 words.</p><p>
  <em>New York.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Hi guys, Hope you are all enjoying so far. It's going to be a journey, but I promise it's a good one if you stick with it :)</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>In this chapter, we take a five year jump, taking us closer to the opening scene. Don't worry though, there'll be flashbacks along the way to fill in the cracks.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Enjoy, and let me know your thoughts! Xx</strong>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>5 Years Later- March 2014</strong>
</p><p>"Honestly Brit, I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I know she said it on purpose to embarrass me" said Santana, on FaceTime to Brittany. They had come a long way in terms of technology, since their Skype days.</p><p>Brittany chuckled as she imagined the story in her head, of a 5-year-old Mila walking in to find a strange man in her Mom's bed that morning. Luckily, they weren't indecent, but as the man scrambled up to leave Mila had innocently asked:</p><p>"Are you my Daddy?" leaving Santana blushing bright red.</p><p>"She's a smart lady, like her Mama" Brittany laughed</p><p>"She's a little madam is what she is! I need a lock on my door"</p><p>"Orrrr just stop bringing strange men home?" Brittany teased, poking out her tongue.</p><p>"I have needs Brit!" Santana moaned in frustration.</p><p>Brittany was startled by the door closing, alerting her to her boyfriend's return home from work.</p><p>"I better go San, that's Denver home, but I'll text you. FaceTime me later when you're putting Meels to bed, I wanna kiss my Goddaughter goodnight"</p><p>Santana smiled. Although separated by distance, her and Brittany were still closer than ever, and Santana adored Brittany's relationship with Mila. It had become a tradition for them to say goodnight over FaceTime every night.</p><p>She was the perfect Godparent, and Mila loved her Aunty Brit-Brit. She especially loved going to visit her in New York, or when Brittany came to Lima, bringing lots of presents back. They'd get to see her 4/5 times a year, fitting in with Brittany's busy job as a Broadway Choreographer.</p><p>Mila also loved her Aunty Quinn, who she got see all the time. Aunty Quinn was the funny one, with the wild stories. She would make Mila belly laugh. Aunty Brit-Brit was the one who gave great cuddles and always cheered Mila up if she needed it.</p><p>If she had a bad day at school, she would ask to FaceTime Aunty Brit-Brit, knowing she could make it all better. It made Santana melt, seeing how her daughter used Brittany as a source of comfort in the same way she always did.</p><p>"You know I always hated school too, but your Mommy made it so much better for me. Then I started to really love it, and I missed it when it was time to leave" Brittany would tell her, causing Santana to smile as she listened to her. Brittany really had come full circle.</p><p>She was so proud of Brittany. She had stuck it out in New York and made a life there for herself. When she met Denver, things had gotten better for her, and she started settling into the flow of New York. She made friends, and she embraced it all.</p><p>She cried at Graduation because she didn't want to leave, similar to her experience of Elementary School. When Brittany broke the news that she'd be staying in New York because she'd been offered an Assistant Choreographer job for Wicked on Broadway, Santana was bursting in pride. Of course, for selfish reason, she wanted her to come back to Lima, but she had always wanted Brittany to chase her dreams. And she was, she was living it.</p><p>Santana didn't feel quite so accomplished. She was a single mom with a turbulent dating life. She didn't have a college degree, but she had recently landed an Executive Assistant role at a Law Firm, so it was a start. She would have loved nothing more than to go to college part time, but it seemed so out of reach for her.</p><p>She also hated being stuck in Lima. It was never how she saw her future, to still be here all these years later. Brittany had suggested on a few occasions that she should move to New York, but Santana knew she couldn't do that. She was a single parent, and she needed all the help she could get with Mila. Her family were a great source of help, both financially and personally. They'd look after Mila a lot for her. She couldn't leave that support network behind, she struggled enough as it was.</p><p>At Brittany's College graduation three years ago, she had cried her eyes out. She was so proud of her. But later that evening as they took a walk in Central Park, she'd had a bit of a meltdown. Seeing Brittany achieve so highly, as proud as she was, evoked thoughts about her own life. She felt like a failure, like she was going nowhere.</p><p>"Look at her" Brittany had said, gesturing to the 2-and-a-half-year-old sleeping in the stroller "She is your biggest success. You made this perfect little girl. And then you brought her up, all on your own. How could you ever think you're a failure? You inspire me every day".</p><p>Snapping back to reality, Santana turned to the phone to address her best friend.</p><p>"Okay babe. Enjoy your dinner and say hi to Den for me. I'll call you later with Mila kisses!"</p><p>"Bye honey!" Brittany waved, before hanging up the call and spinning around to face her partner.</p><p>"Is dinner ready?" Denver asked, before Brittany had chance to greet him.</p><p>He walked into the kitchen, his gaze firmly fixed on his phone, slinging his briefcase down on the table.</p><p>"Not yet, but it will be in around 10 minutes" Brittany smiled, keeping her tone light.</p><p>Denver finally glanced up from his phone to look at his girlfriend.</p><p>"Well maybe if you spent less time on the phone to Santana, it would be ready" he snarked, raising his eyebrow.</p><p>Brittany felt the tears burn her eyes at her dressing down, so she turned to busy herself with the dinner.</p><p>"Actually, Santana was asking earlier if you could go over that Criminal Law book with her? You know how she's trying to better her knowledge to impress them at work. They might give her an internship or…"</p><p>"Oh, Brittany how many times!?" Denver interrupted in frustration "I'm a busy man with a full-time job. I don't have time to be tutoring your friends, and quite frankly it's not going to get her anywhere."</p><p>Brittany sighed</p><p>"If she wanted to be a Lawyer, she shouldn't have so willingly dropped her panties for some scrawny teenager, should she?" Denver added.</p><p>Brittany felt her face burn, the comment fuelling her with anger. How dare he speak about Santana like that. She slammed the bowl she was holding onto the counter, before storming out of the kitchen.</p><hr/><p>Santana was sorting through the laundry when her phone buzzed. She set down the sweater in her hands and picked up the phone.</p><p>"Hi mom" she smiled into the phone</p><p>"Hi darling, how was work?"</p><p>"It was good! A lot to pick up on but…I'm getting there. How's my Mila?" she asked.</p><p>Ever since Santana had started her new job, Maribel or George would pick Mila up from pre-school, as Santana didn't finish until 5pm. She missed it. She loved seeing Mila's face light up when she saw her and headed out into the school grounds, and she loved the car ride home asking her all about her day. She was at the age where she would still tell you what she'd done at school that day, and Santana knew if she was anything like her, she'd grow out of that in a couple of years. As much as she missed that part of their routine, she knew it was for the best. She was working hard to create a better life for them. Her bosses had been kind enough to let her start work 30 minutes later than everyone else, so she could take her in the mornings, so she couldn't really complain.</p><p>"She's good! She's just had her dinner. I was actually calling to see if we could hang onto her for the night. She said she wants one of Abuela's movie and treat nights" said Maribel with a laugh.</p><p>Santana smiled and shook her head. Her mother was always spoiling Mila. Santana tried not to give her too many sweets and treats, but Mila knew she could have anything she wanted at Abuela's house. It reminded her of her relationship with her own Abuela.</p><p>"Yeah of course. Be my guest!" Santana laughed "Do you need me to bring any of her things over?"</p><p>"No, it's okay sweetheart, we have things for her. You just enjoy your night off! You work very hard"</p><p>"Thanks mom, I will. Is she there and I'll say goodnight to her?"</p><p>"Yes, one second" said Maribel, before covering the mouthpiece to shout "Mila! Come here and speak to your Mami please".</p><p>Santana heard the pitter patter of tiny footsteps get closer, and the rustle of the speaker as Maribel passed her the phone.</p><p>"Hi baby" Santana said warmly</p><p>"Hey mama!" Mila replied sweetly</p><p>"How was school today?"</p><p>"Hmm it wasn't too bad I guess…"</p><p>Santana listened tenderly as her 5-year-old recounted her day at school, praising her when she found out she'd received a sticker for her reading. She felt so blessed to be her mom. She asked what Mila was doing, and Mila told her all about the painting she'd been doing. She was very artistic and loved to draw and paint.</p><p>"Okay well I'll let you carry on with your pictures. Just make sure you do an extra special one for Mami so I can put it on the fridge" Santana enthused. The fridge was littered with Mila's artwork already. Santana kept everything she did, in true proud mom fashion.</p><p>"Okay" Mila giggled.</p><p>"Be a good girl for Abuelo and Abuela, and I'll see you in the morning. Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!" said Santana, starting their bedtime ritual.</p><p>"Te Amo Mami"</p><p>"Te Amo Mas Mila Moo" Santana replied, the same as she did every night. And every night Mila would ask how much.</p><p>"Cuanta?"</p><p>"Mas que nada en el mundo"</p><p>"I love you more than anything in the world too Mama"</p><p>"To the moon" Santana continued</p><p>"To the stars" said Mila</p><p>"And beyond" Santana finished with a heartfelt smile. She wasn't sure when the nightly ritual had started from exactly, but she had started saying goodnight to Mila in Spanish when she was just a baby. She wanted to raise her bilingual, and now code-switching to say goodnight was just part of their routine. She always wanted Mila to feel loved more than anything. She still harboured some guilt over the fact she was going to originally put her up for adoption. She couldn't imagine life without her now.</p><p>"Night Mami" said Mila sweetly, breaking Santana from her thoughts.</p><p>"Goodnight my angel" Santana replied</p><p>"Wait! Will you send Aunty Brit-Brit my kisses?" Mila exclaimed, aware that now she was staying at her Abuela's, she wouldn't get her nightly Facetime with her favourite aunty.</p><p>"Of course! I spoke to her just before I spoke to you, and she sent a lot of kisses, so I'm sending them to you now" Santana replied, blowing into the phone, "Did you catch them?"</p><p>"Yes. Got them!" Mila giggled "Bye mama"</p><p>"Bye darling" Santana replied, listening as she heard Mila pass the phone back to Maribel.</p><p>"Thanks again for having her Mom" said Santana</p><p>"Nonsense! No need to thank. We love having her. And you deserve the break." Maribel scoffed, before her tone turned firm and sensitive "I mean it Santana, go and have some fun, let your hair down!"</p><p>Santana smiled. She could go out, she mused. And at least if she came home with anyone, there'd be no Mila there to walk in on them.</p><p>With that, she said goodbye to her mom, and set about finding something to wear.</p><hr/><p>Back in Lima, Brittany was laying on her bed when a text came through from Santana.</p><p>
  <strong>Hey B! Mila is staying with my Mom tonight, so won't be with her to call. She sends lots of kisses though. Would call for a girls' chat, but going to use the time to go out, let my hair down. Mom's orders haha! Have a good evening, and we'll call you tomorrow xxx</strong>
</p><p>Brittany read the message with a smile, and quickly typed her response back.</p><p>
  <strong>Okay honey, sending lots of kisses back to my little moo. Your Mom is right, you deserve a night off! Have fun, and be safe! Speak tomorrow xxx</strong>
</p><p>She sighed as she set her phone down on the bedside table. It was just her tonight then. She had heard Denver leave with a slam of the door, just after their argument. She knew he wouldn't be back until late, most probably drunk.</p><p>She picked her phone up again, and retreated downstairs to clear the kitchen, thankful that Denver had been responsible enough to turn off stove before his storm out. Nevertheless, the dinner was cold and spoiled, so she threw it away. She wasn't hungry anymore anyway, but if she did get peckish later, she'd treat herself to a pizza.</p><p>As she sat down on the sofa, turning the TV on and flicking aimlessly through the channels, Brittany reached for her phone. She paused for a moment and contemplated texting Denver. She hated arguing with him. But then she remembered his cruel words towards Santana and thought better of it.</p><p>Recently Brittany and Denver's relationship had been strained to say the least. They'd been together for almost five years now, and living together for three and a half of those. The first year was dipped in honeymoon period. After meeting at a party in March 2009, Denver and Brittany had built up a friendship pretty fast. Since he charmed her with his kindness that night, Brittany found herself laughing and enjoying herself properly for the first time in New York. She clung to him, and she clung to that feeling, but she was shocked when Denver asked her on a date 3 months later.</p><p>"Why not? It's the end of the school year now. We've got nothing to concentrate on, and it should be fun" he'd suggested. Brittany was unsure. She was close to Denver, and she wasn't sure she wanted to complicate it by dating him. He was now her closest friend, after Santana of course. She was scared if things went wrong, she'd be back to square one with her loneliness.</p><p>But in true Denver style, he had charismatically assured Brittany, that this is what they'd been building up to all along. They were perfect together, and everyone around them could see it. So, she agreed to a date.</p><p>Santana had excitedly helped her pick what to wear over Skype and demanded Brittany call right away with details when she got home. Brittany's stomach had twisted in knots as she arrived at the New York Italian restaurant, to find Denver waiting for her, holding a rose and dressed smartly. They both giggled nervously as they slid into the booth.</p><p><em>"Chill out, it's just dinner with Den! You've done this loads of times!"</em> she had assured herself.</p><p>But the energy that night was different. There was no denying the chemistry between them once the feelings were put out in the open. Brittany remembers the moment her heart flipped, and she realised she did in fact have feelings for him. It was when she watched him scour the menu and order for her, without asking. He didn't need to; he knew her so well. Brittany felt so happy to have a person in New York who could read and understand her. It was one of the things she missed the most about Santana.</p><p>And after that, Brittany fell hard and fast.</p><p>Their summer was spent going on cute dates, long walks and trips to museums. They were so loved up, that they only made it back to their hometowns for a brief visit. Santana had been disappointed, because she was looking forward to spending summer with Brittany and Mila, but she was happy for her loved up friend. She told Brittany to move on with her life, and Brittany had.</p><p>Brittany thrived in her second year, the love radiated off her and she suddenly became a social butterfly and made many new friends. She made sure to Skype Santana and Mila every day though, telling Santana "I will always have time for my favourite girls".</p><p>Brittany and Denver spent that year very much in the honeymoon period still. He laughed at Brittany's unique way of thinking, finding it adorable. She embraced Denver's protectiveness, the way he still ordered food for her like a gentleman, and how he'd fiercely drive away any man who so much as dared to look at her.</p><p>They saw no flaws with each other, and by September 2010, they were ready to make more of a commitment to each other and move in together. It wasn't their own place, it was a house share with other students, but it was a start. The year was more of a challenge, as by now the honeymoon period had died down, and both were stressed with college. Brittany was in the final year of her degree, and Denver in the final year of his JD. There were arguments caused by the tension, but they always ironed them out. Their relationship was moulding into a true adult relationship with ups and downs, but the important thing is that they were always happy.</p><p>They continued to live there, after they graduated in June 2011, until September 2012 when they could finally afford their first home of their own. Brittany by now was making good money in her Assistant Choreographer job, and Denver had passed his bar exam and was now practicing. It was a small two bed loft apartment, but it was something, and it was theirs. Brittany really liked that apartment, and the routine they had there, but after just six months there Denver decided he wanted something bigger.</p><p>Now he was earning good money, he wanted a flashy lifestyle to go with it, so they moved into a four-bedroom house outside of the city, and into the suburbs in July 2013. It was way too big for Brittany's liking, but as she always did, she went along with what Denver wanted.</p><p>But it was a case of bigger home, bigger cracks. By now they had been together four years and they had well and truly passed the honeymoon period of their first year, the settling in period of their second year and the stability and successes of their third year. Their fourth year was when the cracks were truly beginning to show. Without the rose-tinted glasses they wore when they first fell in love, prying eyes of roommates, the stresses of college and new jobs to distract them; for the first time it was truly them and they could see each-others flaws.</p><p>Denver no longer entertained Brittany's unique way of thinking, in fact he would often ridicule her instead. Being called stupid by her boyfriend, was something Brittany had become quite accustomed to. She had also started to realise that Denver's 'protectiveness' was less gentlemanly, and more controlling.</p><p>Their communication had completely broken down, and the physical aspect had started to die down too. At first Denver had made excuses that he was too tired from work, and now Brittany had found herself doing the same thing whenever he tried. Denver ploughed himself into work more, taking longer hours, accepting more out of state conferences. Whenever he was home, he'd just be consumed by his phone.</p><p>He started to make Brittany feel that her job was less important, less stressful. That it didn't matter how much her body ached from a day full of dancing and choreographing, she should have his dinner ready for him after work, because 'he was the main breadwinner in this house'.</p><p>Their spark had been lost, and their love was dwindling. As they were now approaching five years, family and friends were starting to ask about an upcoming engagement, and if she had an inkling that Denver would pop the all-important question soon. She would just shrug and laugh them off. She couldn't see they were in a good place to get engaged right now. Truthfully, she thought they had fallen out of love long ago, outgrown each other, but were staying with each other for comfort. Which is why it confused her even more so, that for the past six months, Denver had been insisting they try for a baby.</p><p>Brittany thought it was a ludicrous idea, they were no way in a position to have a baby in a relationship like this, but her resistance only caused more arguments between them.</p><p>She sighed as she thought about her complicated relationship. She never told anyone about their troubles. Not even San. She knew if she did, Santana would tell her to leave him. But Brittany didn't want to do that, underneath it all, she still loved him. She wanted them to work through their issues. She knew underneath the harsh-ness, was the soft Denver she fell in love with. The years and stress had just simply withered away at him, she mused. But they'd find their way back, soulmates always did. That's when she decided to reach out and initiate a peace-offering. A simple text.</p><p>
  <strong>To: Denver</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Sorry x</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Santana sipped on her cocktail, her fourth one of the night. She was enjoying the sweet taste and the dizzy feeling that was coming over her. Her phone buzzed and as she read it, she rolled her eyes, placing her phone back on the table, face down.</p><p>"Who was that?" Quinn laughed, absorbing Santana's face</p><p>"Calvin" Santana replied, rolling her eyes again.</p><p>Quinn was about to reply when she caught sight of someone she knew, she glanced over with a smile and a wave, causing Santana to spin around and see who Quinn was waving at. Blonde, pretty, great smile. Santana didn't recognise her. She turned back to Quinn with a questioning look.</p><p>"My friend Dani" Quinn smiled "I used to work with her at the hotel"</p><p>Quinn's parents had given up on Pharmacies, and now owned a chain of hotels. Quinn was the manager for the Lima one, and her Customer Service skills had definitely improved. Long gone was the attitude-ridden teenager, in favour of a classy, more elegant Quinn.</p><p>"Oh" Santana replied, taking the straw into her mouth for another sip of her cocktail, before adding with a smirk "And who's the dude?" referring to the attractive mixed- race boy sitting with Dani.</p><p>"I'm not sure, but he's definitely not her boyfriend, because Dani is hella gay"</p><p>This caused Santana to spit her straw out and look up in shock.</p><p>"She's a lesbian!?" she exclaimed, causing Quinn to laugh.</p><p>"Yeah…what's the big deal?"</p><p>"No big deal of course. I love the homo's, I just didn't expect I mean…she just doesn't look gay" Santana explained with a shrug, turning back to look at the attractive blonde again.</p><p>"Since when did being gay have a look attached to it?" Quinn remarked, raising her eyebrow.</p><p>Santana looked down and continued to sip her drink. Quinn was right, she shouldn't stereotype. She just always had a picture of lesbians in her head, being butch with short hair and baggy clothes. It was really the only representation of lesbians she had seen. Dani completely stamped all over that stereotype. She was feminine and wore a lot of makeup to accentuate her dark features. Santana actually thought she was pretty damn hot. She was distracted from her perving by Quinn.</p><p>"Anyway…quit eyeing the guy up, you've got enough going on. Tell me about Calvin"</p><p>"Oh, you know how he is. He's always plaguing me with calls and texts, trying to get me to meet up with him. He knows I'm out tonight, so he'll be chasing a hook up. But honestly this time Quinn, I'm done with him. He's just a fuck boy. I need a real man"</p><p>Quinn laughed and rolled her eyes knowingly. Santana's dating history was more than problematic.</p><p>Santana hadn't even considered dating anyone for the first two years of Mila's life. There was the odd hook up here and there, but nothing serious. But as Mila got older, everyone around her was encouraging her to find someone.</p><p>"Just because you have a baby Mija, doesn't mean life has to stop for you. There's someone out there who will love both of you." Maribel had encouraged shortly after Mila's 2nd birthday.</p><p>Truthfully, Santana would have loved to find someone, to have that family unit. She wanted it for Mila, more than herself. Puck was way out of the picture so, she longed for a father figure for her. But no matter how hard she tried, it never happened for her. She found herself wanting to hook up more than date. Sometimes a guy she hooked up with would try and take her out, make more of it, but she always found herself declining.</p><p>She really struggled to connect emotionally with boys, and she had no idea why. Maybe it was because of Puck, and the way she lost her virginity. The way she ended up pregnant after her first time only to be tossed aside so cruelly by him. Maybe it was because she looked at everything as a parent now. She vetted potential partners as potential fathers for Mila. She didn't date like a normal 23-year-old would.</p><p>Calvin was the only guy she had something half resembling a relationship with, and half resembling was being kind. It was mainly just sex, but on a few occasions, he had taken Santana out for dinner (although it would usually end in sex afterwards). On some, he had taken Mila out also. They had enjoyed occasional cinema trips and trips to the park, and sometimes as Santana watched Calvin push Mila on the swings, making her scream with delight, she'd kid herself they could be a family. But the thought never lasted long. Calvin would go MIA for a few days, probably fucking other girls, and then return a few days later with flowers asking to take Santana out. He'd blow up Santana's phone, until she could no longer resist, and the cycle began again.</p><p>It had been this way for two years.</p><p>She couldn't be mad at him when he disappeared like that. He owed them nothing. He wasn't Mila's dad, and every time he had suggested making 'their thing' a little bit more serious, it was Santana that shut him down. Maybe it was the great sex that drew her back to him, or maybe it was the chase. But Santana knew one thing, it definitely wasn't love. It was Quinn's laugh that snapped Santana back to reality.</p><p>"Honestly Santana, your luck with guys is so bad, you should switch to the other team like Dani"</p><p>Quinn was just joking, but it caused Santana's eyes to grow wide</p><p>"Are you serious?"</p><p>"Well I mean…why not? It's fun" she giggled, before turning her glance to Dani then back to Santana "I would" she winked</p><p>"You've been with a girl!?" Santana gasped</p><p>"No not properly" Quinn replied, pursing her lips over the straw of her drink before adding "But I've kissed them. And I'd definitely go all the way under the right circumstances. Not with Dani though, that would be weird" she laughed.</p><p>Santana was blushing, and she had no idea why. She had always found girls attractive, but she'd never entertained the idea of actually being with one before. Quinn was right, her luck with men was awful! Maybe she should try it. Her mom did tell her to let her hair down and…this could be fun. Before she could think about it anymore, she was interrupted by Dani herself.</p><p>As Quinn and Dani hugged, the tall, handsome friend turned to Santana and introduced himself.</p><p>"Hey babes, I'm Levi" he smiled, flamboyantly sticking out his hand</p><p>"Santana" she returned the smile, before catching Quinn's eye and laughing slightly. There was no way Santana was getting with Levi tonight, because Levi was definitely gay.</p><p>"Dani, this is Santana" said Quinn, introducing the two Latinas.</p><p>"Santana, hi, good to meet you! Wow you have super pretty eyes" Dani grinned, causing Santana to blush.</p><p>"Erm...t... thanks" she stuttered nervously.</p><p>Quinn laughed, revelling in her best friend's panic. She had never seen her so nervous before.</p><hr/><p>The night was in full swing, and Dani and Levi had joined Quinn and Santana for the rest of the night. The four of them had downed countless cocktails, and they had made their way to the dance floor, the alcohol fuelling their bodies as they moved to the music.</p><p>Santana noticed Dani bite her lip seductively, and edge closer towards her, causing a surge of panic and excitement in Santana's body. Was she flirting with her?</p><p>She noticed Quinn grab Levi out of the corner of her eye, she led him further away from Dani and Santana, as she danced with him. Santana looked at Quinn who winked and nodded, urging her to pursue Dani.</p><p>Santana turned to Dani with a gulp, who by now was eyeing her up suggestively.</p><p><em>"She's so fucking hot"</em> Santana mused.</p><p>She allowed herself to edge closer towards Dani, inviting her to dance with her. She'd danced with girls loads of times, but this felt different, knowing Dani was a lesbian and an extremely attractive lesbian at that.</p><p>Dani didn't mess around, and she grabbed Santana by the hips, pulling her in closer, gyrating their bodies together. For the first time in a long time, Santana felt truly alive.</p><p>She allowed herself to get lost in the music, and grind against Dani.</p><p>
  <em>It's no big deal, it's just a dance</em>
</p><p>And then before she knew it, Dani's lips had come crashing onto hers. It felt so different to kissing a boy. Her lips were soft, supple and inviting. It wasn't messy and rough; it was passionate and sexy. She felt like her whole body was on fire, as she felt Dani's tongue glide across her bottom lip begging for entrance, which Santana willingly accepted.</p><p>Dani grabbed Santana's hips harder, pulling their bodies closer together, while Santana's hands found Dani's soft blonde hair. She tangled her hands into her hair, pulling softly, as Dani let out a soft moan.</p><p>Santana felt a surge of electricity and pressure from down below. That's when she realised how turned on she was, and it <em>frightened</em> her. She pulled away; her hands still firmly attached to Dani's neck. She looked down as she caught her breath, eyes flitting nervously from side to side, before gazing up to meet Dani's confused eyes. Dani still held Santana by the hips, as she searched her eyes willingly for an answer.</p><p>"I'm sorry" Santana smiled weakly, before pulling away from Dani and walking off to the back of the club.</p><p>Santana hurried out of the back door, stumbling past all of the smokers, before she couldn't hold it in any longer. She threw up everywhere, the contents of the night spilling out in front of her. It was then she realised how much she'd had to drink.</p><p>As she cleaned herself up and went to reach for her phone, she was distracted by a familiar voice.</p><p>"Santana Lopez?"</p><hr/><p>Santana was so embarrassed. She couldn't believe she was bumping into him like this. After she'd just thrown her guts up everywhere.</p><p>"Finn" she smiled, standing up and leaning against the wall, steadying herself.</p><p>"I thought it was you!" he exclaimed, before presenting her with his standard slanted Finn smirk "You okay?"</p><p>There was no point lying. He'd obviously seen her throw up.</p><p>"Yeah just a little too much to drink, I think! I'm fine now though" she assured, shivering as the cold air touched her skin.</p><p>"Here, take this" Finn smiled offering Santana his coat, which Santana didn't decline. She smiled appreciatively. "I'm next in line for a cab, you can jump in with us" Finn continued, gesturing over to his friend who was waiting in the Taxicab stand outside the club.</p><p>Whilst in the queue, Finn's friend got chatting to a girl, and within five minutes he was jumping in her cab and going back to her place.</p><p>"Some people just find hook-ups so easy" Finn laughed "I don't know how they do it!"</p><p>Santana laughed but said nothing, she knew all too well how easy it was.</p><p>As they settled into the cab, Santana gave her address, Finn insisting that he drop Santana home first, to make sure she got home okay. Santana had protested, knowing it was taking Finn out of his way, but he wouldn't let up.</p><p>"Okay erm… 124 Marshall Street…Lima Heights" she said the last bit quietly, trailing off.</p><p>Finn looked at her in shock. Santana was from a very well-off family, and she had always lived in Lima Heights Adjacent. It was a gated community, well known for its plush, modern houses and sophisticated neighbourhood. Down the block was Lima Heights, run down and rough. The two were so close together, that people who didn't live on that side of Lima, weren't aware they were two separate areas. That's why Santana often used her Lima Heights Adjacent threats, to scare people with. But anyone who knew Santana well, knew she was a well-off girl from a wealthy family. Sure her Abuela lived in Lima Heights, so Santana knew the area and she was somewhat streetwise, but she herself had a privileged upbringing. She was clever and ambitious, so Finn wondered what on earth had happened to mean she now lived in Lima Heights.</p><p>Santana ignored Finn's glare and changed the subject.</p><p>"So, it's been years since I last seen you! What's been happening in your life?"</p><p>"Well where do I begin…" Finn laughed, before recounting the story of his life over the past six years. He'd met a girl called Rachel over the summer they'd left school and fallen madly in love with her. Finn had gone to college at UCLA, on a football scholarship, but he was so desperately in love with this Rachel girl that he dropped out. He moved to New York to be with her, where she was studying at NYADA, but no college over there would accept him. He'd lost his scholarship when he dropped out, and his transcript from UCLA showed a disappointing GPA. Turns out he was missing Rachel so much the whole time they were doing long distance, that his grades suffered. So instead, he flitted through various jobs to get by, until three months ago when Rachel had turned around and told him she was leaving him for another guy. Someone who could offer her more financial support. She threw Finn out, and he had no choice but to return to Lima and move back in with his parents. Now he was working at a gas station.</p><p>"Wow I'm sorry Finn" Santana smiled sympathetically, touching his shoulder.</p><p>"Don't be" Finn shrugged "I don't think I would have done it any differently. I don't have a college degree but…I did what I did for love. It didn't work out in the end but, we had an amazing five and a half years together. Anyway, how about you? What have you been doing?"</p><p>"Well…it's a long one" Santana began. At least she knew Finn couldn't judge her, given by his own story. So, she told him the whole story about Mila and how her life had evolved. She decided to leave out the fact Puck was the father, knowing the two of them used to be friends. She wasn't sure if they were anymore but, she didn't want to risk anything.</p><p>"Wow! A little girl. That's amazing, you really have been busy" he laughed "you got any pics of her?"</p><p>Santana nodded with a smile. It was sweet of Finn to actually take an interest in Mila. Most men didn't give a damn. She reached for her phone and proudly showed off her phone background.</p><p>It was an adorable candid photo that Maribel had taken, the Christmas just gone. Maribel, George, Pablo, Santana and Mila had all gone to New York for Christmas to visit Brittany, and also just to be surrounded by the magic of New York at Christmas time.</p><p>After some family photos in front of the Rockefeller tree, and some of just Santana and Brittany that Santana had asked to be taken, Brittany had shouted to Mila.</p><p>"Come on little Moo, come get in some photos"</p><p>Mila, who was dressed adorably in a baby pink coat and a grey bobble hat, ran excitedly towards her Aunty Brit. Brittany, donning a big black hat and long great coat, scooped Mila up into her arms with a laugh. Santana, who looked easily cosy in her mink faux fur coat and her cream hat, looked at them both and laughed. Her arm was still around Brittany from their photo taking session, and she laughed adoringly at them as Brittany placed a noisy kiss on Mila's cheek. That was the photo Maribel captured, and it was now Santana's phone background.</p><p>It was an adorable photo, clarified by Finn who let out an "aww" as he studied it.</p><p>"Is that Brittany Pierce?" he pointed, glancing up at Santana.</p><p>"Sure is!" Santana smiled. The mention of Brittany's name always brought a smile to her lips.</p><p>"You two are still close then?"</p><p>"Oh yeah" Santana nodded assertively "closer than ever"</p><p>"That's awesome! I always knew you would be. How is she doing?"</p><p>"She's doing great. She graduated from Juilliard, and now she's a Lead Choreographer for Aladdin on Broadway. It just opened. Steady boyfriend, nice big house. She's doing really great" Santana enthused, forever proud of her best friend.</p><p>"Good for her!" Finn smiled "You'll have to tell her I said hello"</p><p>"I will do" Santana replied "How about you? Do you speak to anyone from school still?"</p><p>"Not really no… I lost touch with most of them when I moved to New York. Rachel kind of became my life" he looked down guilty "I speak to Puck a fair bit though."</p><p>Santana froze. Finn still spoke to Puck and knew nothing about Mila. It angered her that he cared so little for his daughter, but still she wasn't really surprised. She knew Puck wouldn't tell anyone about her. He was trying to pretend she never happened.</p><p>"Oh…how is Puck doing?" Santana gulped, not sure if she wanted to really know the answer.</p><p>"He's…well you know…Puck" Finn laughed "He's getting by. He'll never be caged you know what he's like"</p><p>Santana rolled her eyes. Typical Puck. Still it was better to hear that, than hear he was settled with a family. That would have really hurt her, for Mila's sake, not for her own.</p><p>Before they knew it, they were pulled up outside Santana's small apartment.</p><p>"Well this is me..." she smiled nervously "It's been really nice seeing you Finn. Thanks for letting me jump in with you, we'll have to stay in touch!"</p><p>"Sure, well you have my number now. Hope you're feeling better! Should probably take some Advil for the head" he laughed.</p><p>That's when Santana was reminded of her throwing up incident. Her stomach clenched again as she thought about the reason why she was really sick. As much as she would like to think it was because of the alcohol, she knew that it was the kiss with Dani that had started it off. Not because of Dani herself, but because of her fear. She had been the most turned on she'd ever felt, and it scared the shit out of her.</p><p><em>"You don't like girls, you like boys. It's probably just the alcohol!"</em> She told herself.</p><p>She glanced at the tall dark-haired boy, who had desperately tried to get in her pants, throughout the majority of their high school careers.</p><p>Then against her better judgement, she said;</p><p>"Actually Finn, do you want to come in for a nightcap?"</p><hr/><p>They were barely through the door when they were kissing passionately, tearing at each other's clothes, as they pushed towards the sofa. Santana straddled Finn, and began placing hungry kisses on his neck, before her phone ringing, distracted her.</p><p>"Ignore it" Finn whispered, enjoying the moment.</p><p>"I can't, it could be about Mila" Santana replied, pulling away from the disappointed ex Quarterback to retrieve the ringing device. She saw it was Quinn and thought she'd better answer since she took off without warning.</p><p>"Q! Hi" she answered</p><p>"Santana where did you go? Are you okay?"</p><p>"Yes sorry, I'm fine sorry! I felt sick so I left. Waaaay too many Cosmos. I was going to text you, I just got back now" she glanced over at Finn who was still panting heavily. What on earth was she doing with him!? When she got off the phone to Quinn, she was going to ask him to leave.</p><p>"Lightweight" Quinn laughed "Yeah Dani said she saw you leave, and I wondered where the hell you were gone"</p><p>Santana gulped.</p><p>
  <em>Dani</em>
</p><p>"She said you two were having a good time, but then you just took off" Quinn continued.</p><p>"Uh…yeah well like I say I felt sick so…"</p><p>"Okay well I'm glad you got home safe!" Quinn giggled "I'll let you go sleep it off, but don't think I won't be calling you tomorrow for all the gory details"</p><p>Santana gulped. She could almost hear the suggestive wink in Quinn's voice. She knew she was talking about to Dani. She wondered if Quinn had seen them kiss. She said bye to Quinn before lunging forward and grabbing Finn by the shirt.</p><p>"Let's go upstairs!" she said firmly.</p><p>Finn could stay after all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning Santana woke up early. It was still dark outside, and she felt like she had barely slept. Her head was banging, her mouth was dry, her stomach was churning, and her mind was swirling with regret. She glanced over at Finn, from her position at the edge of the bed, where she always clung when she had someone sleep over.</p><p>Santana had no qualms with the physicality of sex, in fact she would often be the one to take the lead, as she was highly confident. It was afterwards she always felt the most vulnerable. She never wanted to cuddle or touch afterwards or do anything that might be considered as intimate. It sounded stupid because, sex itself was intimate, but she never wanted to add an emotional aspect. It wasn't a conscious decision, she just…couldn't. After sex she always wanted to get the person as far away from her as possible, but she knew it would look weird to throw them out, so she stuck to clinging to the edge of the bed instead.</p><p>She watched as Finn started to stir. Who would have thought it, after all these years? The Head Cheerleader and the Football Captain, finally hooking up. Now they were both just a couple of 'Lima Losers'.</p><p>Still at least Santana had Mila to call her achievement, she was one up on Finn there. Maybe finally sleeping with Santana, would be Finn's achievement. He had always been so desperate to.</p><p>"Ah my head!" Finn groaned, rubbing his eyes ferociously.</p><p>"Tell me about it!" Santana sighed. She really hoped Finn wouldn't want to stick around for long.</p><p>"What time is it?" Finn asked, as if reading Santana's mind.</p><p>Santana reached for her phone on the bedside table, lighting up the display to check the time.</p><p>"Just gone 7AM" she replied, frowning as she observed Finn frown and roll over. No way was she letting him fall back asleep.</p><p>"How do you feel?" she asked, in an attempt to keep him awake. Finn had only slept with one other girl before, Rachel, so she knew this was kind of a big deal for him.</p><p>"I just said my head is killing me!" Finn replied with a slight laugh, before realising what she was asking and sitting up slightly.</p><p>"Oh…that. Actually…not that great considering last night should have been my dream come true. But I feel…nothing. Empty almost" he continued</p><p>"Oh charming!" Santana laughed sarcastically, with a slight frown. Although she couldn't deny, she felt the same way.</p><p>Finn sat up properly to look at Santana.</p><p>"No sorry, that's not what I mean! You were great it's just…Rachel…I still love her"</p><p>Santana smiled sympathetically at Finn.</p><p>"Don't worry, I understand"</p><p>Finn returned the smile, before changing the subject, swaying away from any awkwardness.</p><p>"So, what have you got planned for your day?"</p><p>"Not a lot really. Mila will be coming home soon though…" she began</p><p>Finn took the hint with a smile.</p><p>"Well I'll make sure I get out of your hair then. Mind if I grab a quick shower first?" he asked.</p><p>"Sure" Santana smiled, as she led him off to the en-suite and set the shower up. She pulled on some clothes, and left the bedroom to give him some privacy, and headed off towards Mila's room, making sure it was tidy before she came home and inevitably messed it up again.</p><p>As she manoeuvred things around, picking up the cushions from the floor and stacking them on the bed, she spotted a new painting on Mila's easel. She walked towards it with a smile, eager to see her daughter's latest creation, but what she saw brought a lump to her throat.</p><p>Mila had painted a family of 3, standing outside a house. It was clear that the smallest one, was meant to be Mila, while the orange woman with masses of dark hair and the red lips was meant to be herself. But unlike most of her other paintings, Mila had also painted a man.</p><p>My Dream Family With A Daddy</p><p>It was titled.</p><p>"Santana?" she heard Finn shout.</p><p>Santana swallowed and pulled the painting from the easel; she would speak to Mila about this when she was home.</p><p>"Be there in a sec!" she shouted back to Finn.</p><hr/><p>Brittany and Denver were having breakfast, the radio on low in the background in an attempt to mask the awkward silence. Denver had come home late and then slept on the sofa. He was punishing Brittany, and she knew it. They still hadn't spoke, and you could cut the tension with a knife. Brittany decided the radio wasn't quite enough to mask it anymore.</p><p>"I dreamt I was an arrow flying through the air last night" Brittany chuckled, hoping Denver would go along with the conversation. Move on from the argument, act like it had never happened, no discussion needed.</p><p>Instead Denver dropped his knife and fork and rolled his eyes.</p><p>"You think you can solve all our problems by just pushing them aside, and talking about your stupid nonsense?"</p><p>Brittany suddenly felt small. It was a common occurrence for her boyfriend to make her feel like this now. She kept her tone light and continued. Desperate to avoid further confrontation.</p><p>"I'm sorry if you think it's stupid nonsense, I just thought it was interesting, and that you might like to know"</p><p>"How can you be a thing!?" he rolled his eyes, seemingly getting frustrated now.</p><p>"I don't know, you know…I always have dreams like that" Brittany shrugged.</p><p>To her surprise, Denver started laughing, but it wasn't a nice laugh. It was a sarcastic, ironic laugh, and it goaded Brittany and made her feel dumb.</p><p>"Do you ever wonder why I never invite you to my conferences? To my work dinners?"</p><p>Brittany said nothing. She knew it was a rhetorical question. They'd had arguments about this before, because Brittany had always wondered why he never brought her along when all the other Lawyers brought their partners. It was like he was ashamed of her.</p><p>"It's because the people that I work with, you see they're all very well educated" he continued, in a patronising tone. Of course, they were well educated, they were lawyers "a lot of the conversation is very adult, it's centred around politics, around scientific debates, around controversial topics. My colleagues, you see, they have wives and partners who can get involved with this kind of stuff. They know what they're talking about. If they don't know, they shut up. They say nothing. They know their place. But you?" he laughed "You waffle on about all your whimsical airy-fairy crap, whether people want to hear it or not. You impose your stupid views on people and go on about your strange dreams. And you seriously expect me to want to introduce you to people? To have you socialise with people I respect. You're an embarrassment"</p><p>Brittany felt her face redden, and tears burn her eyes. She was used to Denver talking down to her, but never this bad.</p><p>"And you know? It wouldn't be so bad if you had other good qualities to you. Some 'wife like' qualities that might actually make me want to marry you." Denver pressed "Having my dinner ready for when I've come home from a hard day at work, would be a fine start, wouldn't it darling?"</p><p>Brittany looked down, her lip quivering, the tears falling fast. She flinched as Denver raised his hand to wipe her tears.</p><p>"Next time you have a strange dream, maybe you should dream you're something useful, like a gas stove? That way my dinner will be ready when I'm home" he smiled; in the most condescending manner Brittany had ever witnessed.</p><p>"If I ever took you along to anything. People would think we are a pair of fuck ups. But guess what?" Denver persisted, picking up his plate and heading towards the sink "that's exactly what we are".</p><p>Brittany's heart was beating out of her chest. It felt like she was hyperventilating. Partly from the dressing down she'd received, and partly from her fear that Denver was going to leave her. She'd began to feel like she'd be nothing without him now. In the past couple of years, he'd worked into her head that all of her successes were spurred by him. And after years of hearing it, she'd began to believe it. She'd unknowingly become quite dependant on him, and she didn't think she'd be able to do life without him. Panicked and anxious as she watched him leave the room, she threw out the one thing that she knew would make him stay.</p><p>"Den wait!"</p><p>Denver turned with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>"I…I want to try for a baby with you"</p><p>She said, in a voice so small, it didn't even sound like her own.</p><p>Denver's face suddenly softened, and he broke out into a huge smile. He stepped towards Brittany, who stiffened in his embrace, surprised by his sudden affection.</p><p>"Good girl Brit. That's what I want to hear. Shhhh" he soothed.</p><p>Brittany relaxed into him. He was becoming so unpredictable with his mood swings. She really didn't want a baby at this time, but she hoped it would be the making of them.</p><hr/><p>Later that morning, Santana had picked up Mila, who was now playing upstairs in her room, while Santana finished off some housework. As she finished everything she needed to do, she pulled off her rubber gloves, and retrieved the painting she had placed on the table, deciding now would be a good time to talk to her daughter.</p><p>Mila was playing with her dolls house as Santana walked in, she smiled for a moment just watching her play, before Mila turned around and noticed her Mom's presence.</p><p>"Hey Moo!" Santana smiled. Moo was a nickname her and Brittany affectionately used for Mila sometimes. Santana had always called her Mila Moo, which Brittany had caught on to, and one day Brittany had simply called her Moo. Mila loved it.</p><p>"Hi Mama" Mila smiled back sweetly, before turning her attention back to her dolls house.</p><p>"I wanted to talk to you about this picture that you made" Santana continued, walking over to the bed and sitting next to her daughter with the picture "It's a great picture baby" she nudged, trying to get her daughter to open up.</p><p>Mila smiled nervously, looking up at her Mom.</p><p>"Can you tell me what it's about?" Santana pressed.</p><p>"Well it's a picture of me…and you…"</p><p>Mila sighed and looked down, scared to say the next bit.</p><p>"…and Daddy"</p><p>Santana felt a pang in her chest. Her voice cracked as she spoke her next words.</p><p>"But sweetheart you…you don't have a daddy, we talked about this" Santana said gently, whilst tenderly stroking Mila's hair. She had told Mila she didn't have a daddy, and she didn't need one, because she had Abuelo, Abuela, Uncle Pabby, Aunty Brit-Brit, Aunty Quinn and lots of people who loved her. It was better that, than to tell her that she did have a dad, but he didn't want to know her. Of course, she'd explain more as she got older, but for now Mila had always been happy with what she'd been told.</p><p>"I know I don't right now, but I dream about having a daddy. Maybe I'll have one someday?" Mila shrugged.</p><p>Santana swallowed to get rid of the lump in her throat. She felt so guilty.</p><p>"What's brought this on Meels?" she asked quietly</p><p>"All the boys and girls at pre-school seem to have a daddy. I just wanted to have one too" Mila said innocently, looking up at her Mom with her big brown eyes.</p><p>"Come here" Santana said tearfully, pulling Mila in for a big cuddle. She composed herself, as she had an idea.</p><p>"Well I bet all the kids at school, don't have a cool Aunty Quinn?" Santana enthused, and Mila shook her head in agreement "how would you like to have her look after you today?"</p><p>"Yaaaaaay! Aunty Quinny!" Mila shouted, all smiles, absent father briefly forgotten about.</p><p>Santana just hoped Quinn would agree to watch Mila, so that she could start her master plan. She left Mila to play and was about to call Quinn when her phone buzzed with a text from Brittany.</p><p>
  <strong>I dreamt I was an arrow last night. The little metal bit right at the tip of an arrow, whizzing through the air</strong>
</p><p>Santana smiled as she read the message. She had always loved hearing about Brittany's dreams. She text back straight away.</p><p>
  <strong>What did it feel like?</strong>
</p><p>Brittany sighed in relief as she read Santana's response. She could always rely on her best friend to make her feel better. To make her feel less weird, less stupid. She text back to answer Santana's question.</p><p>
  <strong>It felt strange!</strong>
</p><p>Santana's reply was almost instantaneous.</p><p>
  <strong>Don't worry, you always have dreams like that, but it's just your complex and beautiful mind overworking :)</strong>
</p><p>Brittany beamed. She wished Santana was here right now. Still fraught from the mornings' events, she could really do with her best friends' advice and cuddles right now. She typed out her response.</p><p>
  <strong>I miss you. X</strong>
</p><p>Reading Brittany's message was all Santana needed to break down in tears. Upset over the conversation with Mila, she could really do with her best friends' advice and cuddles right now. She picked up the phone to call Brittany.</p><p>She told her everything about what Mila had said, and how she wished for a dad. Brittany listened and consoled in all the right places; she always knew the right things to say to make Santana feel better and calm her down.</p><p>"I just feel so damn guilty Brit, I mean, I hate Puck for doing this to her. But maybe it's my fault? I shouldn't have slept with a man who had no capability to step up and be a dad. Christ even Finn would have been better" she scoffed tearfully, casting her mind back to last night where Finn had actually been quite the gentleman. She was sure if he was Mila's dad, he would have stood by and done the right thing.</p><p>"There's no good thinking like that Sanny. You didn't plan for any of this, not falling pregnant, and not Puck reacting like the total douche that he is. If Finn was the father, or if the circumstances were any different, you wouldn't have the precious little Mila that you have today"</p><p>Santana sighed. Brittany raised a fair point. Whether she liked it or not, Mila was 50% Puck and 50% Santana. Wishing to change any of that, would be changing Mila.</p><p>"It doesn't matter who her dad is, because she's raised 100% Lopez" said Brittany, as if she could read Santana's mind.</p><p>"I don't know Brit…sometimes I just. I just wonder did I do the right thing, you know? Keeping her, on my own like this. When I made that decision, I made it by myself, without even consulting Puck about it. Was it selfish of me to do that, for Mila's sake? Maybe she…maybe she would have preferred to be adopted and have a mom and a dad. Two parents that love her, and not just one."</p><p>"Santana stop!" Brittany said firmly "you can't let yourself think like that"</p><p>She sighed as she thought about her words carefully.</p><p>"Mila adores you, and you adore her, and that's all the love she needs" she continued softly "the whole dad thing is just her natural curiosity, because for the first time she's around other kids with dads, but it doesn't mean <em>she</em> needs a dad. She's healthy and she's happy, and she's so loved beyond anything, by all of us. You have given her the best life, and you make me so proud every day. I know that Mila couldn't ask for a better mommy than you"</p><p>Santana felt tears at Brittany's words. She believed her. She knew Mila loved her, and she knew she was doing a good job, it was just hard at time. It didn't stop her wanting to grant Mila her dream though.</p><p>"I really miss you Brit. I wish you were coming over for my birthday like normal" Santana sighed.</p><p>It was her birthday at the end of April, and Brittany always made sure to come back to Lima and celebrate with her, while Santana and Mila always went to New York for Brittany's, who's birthday luckily fell in the school summer holidays. Unless Brittany came back to Lima for her birthday, which she sometimes did, but the point being they always spent birthdays together. Unfortunately this year, Brittany's busy work schedule in choreographing a new Broadway show, meant she couldn't come back to Lima. Not that close to Press Night. They had last seen each other in February, on a brief trip Brittany had made to Lima to see her mom for her birthday.</p><p>"I know, me too San" Brittany smiled sadly "You know the offer is always there for you to come to New York though, if you fancied a birthday in the big apple"</p><p>"Brit, you know I'd love to but, Mila has school"</p><p>They stayed on the phone for a further 30 minutes, before Santana left to call Quinn, hoping she could rope her into watching Mila so she could commence her plan.</p><p>Brittany never told Santana about her argument with Denver in the end, she felt the girl was stressed enough without adding more to her plate. She did, however, have a brain wave of how to get Santana to New York for her birthday.</p><hr/><p>"Aunty Quinny!" Mila shouted excitedly, jumping up from the sofa as Santana let Quinn in.</p><p>"Hi, Miss Mila Grace" said Quinn, giving the girl a hug. She was wearing a big hat and a large pair of sunglasses, to hide her hangover.</p><p>Mila hugged Quinn's legs and looked up at her with a smile.</p><p>"You look extra pretty today, Aunty Quinn"</p><p>Quinn ruffled Mila's hair affectionately</p><p>"Really, because I sure don't feel it!" she laughed, turning to Santana with a laugh, then doing a double take at Santana's outfit. She was wearing a dress and heels, hair and makeup done to perfection, and looked far from the hungover mess Quinn felt.</p><p>"Mila, why don't you go pick some DVDs out to watch with Aunty Quinn" Santana smiled, widening her eyes enthusiastically. She knew Quinn wanted answers by the way her eyes were burning into her.</p><p>When she had asked her to come around and look after Mila and said she'd explain when she got here, Quinn had of course agreed, no questions asked. She was truly a great friend.</p><p>"Okay Mami!" and with that, Mila ran off upstairs. Santana knew she'd be there a while, contemplating what to pick.</p><p>"So…what's this about?" Quinn raised her brow, as soon as Mila was out of earshot, leaving Santana to fill her in on her plans.</p><hr/><p>"What!? Santana, are you actually kidding me?"</p><p>"No, what is there to lie about?" Santana replied, busying herself with filling her purse with all the items she needed for the night.</p><p>"Look, sorry babe but… I think you're being ridiculous. You've said it yourself; Calvin is a fuck boy!" Quinn sighed exasperated, being sure to mouth the word fuck just in case Mila was lurking "You don't like him. He's just comfortable for you. And he certainly isn't 'daddy material', I mean come on…!"</p><p>"What choice do I have? He's the only man who keeps coming back to me" Santana argued back "And look I know I could tame him" she shrugged.</p><p>"He's the only man that keeps coming back to you, for all the wrong reasons. You're not even putting the right energy out there to settle down and meet someone nice. This is just classic Santana sabotage. You're hurt by what Mila has said, and you then go on all irrational to fix the issue but…it's not going to work. Calvin isn't the right person for you, and you know that. You can't just start dating him because Mila wants a father figure. The right person will come along, at the right time, but until then Mila will be showered with love by all of us"</p><p>Santana turned to the mirror, applying the final touches to her makeup</p><p>"I know you believe in all that stuff Q but, this is my reality. I'm a 23, soon to be 24-year-old single mom, with no career and no prospects. I don't think I'm going to have all these suitors falling at my feet, like you have. In the real world, no one gives a damn about you, that's my view. You've just got to keep it moving and roll with the punches. Let's just be honest my life is going nowhere fast, and I need to just focus on keeping Mila happy"</p><p>It saddened Quinn to hear Santana's hardened view of the world and on life.</p><p>"Hey" she grabbed Santana's arm, forcing her to turn around and look at her "you have an amazing life ahead of you".</p><p>Santana smiled, and looked down, before turning back to the mirror. It was sweet she had such caring and positive friends, but she found it hard to believe them. Her luck over the years had turned her cynical. She never regretted Mila but, she hated the cards she'd been dealt. She wished life wasn't such a struggle. She had so much unused ambition inside of her.</p><p>"He won't make you happy" Quinn told her firmly, always the honest friend "but I can't tell you what to do." She shrugged.</p><p>It was the closest form of approval she was going to receive, so Santana smiled gratefully at her through the mirror, before continuing to apply her lip gloss.</p><p>"I can't lie though" Quinn continued "part of me hoped I'd come here today, and you'd tell me you were going on a date with Dani. You two really hit it off, you had amazing chemistry!"</p><p>Santana froze, clenching her fists slightly.</p><p>"Quinn just…shut up about Dani!"</p><p>She exclaimed, her voice a little too high pitched.</p><p>Truth be told, Santana hadn't been able to stop thinking about Dani, and it was scaring her. She knew she couldn't pursue anything though. Mila wanted a daddy, not another mommy. And besides, Santana wasn't into girls like that. She just…needed to get laid.</p><p><em>"You got laid last night Santana"</em> her inner voice told her</p><p><em>"Yeah but that was Finn, he was bad, it doesn't count"</em> she told herself again, counteracting herself.</p><p>It was like the devil and the angel on her shoulder.</p><p>As she headed out for a date and tried to push Dani as far from her mind as possible, she found herself thinking about her more and more.</p><hr/><p>As Santana sat through her meal with Calvin, it became apparent to her that Quinn was probably right. She had no feelings for Calvin, and it was hard to force it. Still she laughed along at all his jokes, and allowed him to pay for her, determined to make it work. Feelings could always develop if she gave it time, right?</p><p>As they walked towards the car, Calvin cockily swaying ahead of her, she couldn't help her mind wandering back to Dani. She had been so excited around her, and this feeling dulled in comparison. It didn't feel right. Calvin turned back to look at Santana with a seductive smile, he clearly thought he was getting lucky tonight, and he was probably right.</p><p>"So…my place or yours baby?"</p><p>Santana suddenly felt nervous, and she had no idea why. She had always been the dominant one, the one to take the lead, but this time something felt different.</p><p>"Yours" Santana smiled shyly.</p><p>Calvin pulled Santana in by her hips, unable to resist her any longer, holding her close to his body. Santana closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. She had no feelings for him, but she couldn't deny his strong, possessive hold was attractive.</p><p>He smelled of the usual Calvin scent. Aftershave, cigarettes and a slight hint of honey whiskey. But Santana noticed a different smell. She breathed deeper against his collar, and that's when she realised. He smelt like another woman's perfume. The smell was so strong, he must have only been with her just before their date. How could she be so stupid, to think that this could be Mila's father figure. Her mind unclouded, and she suddenly came to her senses and pulled away.</p><p>Calvin frowned at the loss of contact.</p><p>"I can't do this. Our little thing, this back and forth we've had over the past couple of years. It's done, it's over." Santana said firmly.</p><p>"What? Baby come on. What are you talking about? We're perfect for each other"</p><p>"So perfect that you've been with another woman before our date today?" Santana bit back, with a raised brow.</p><p>"That was before you text me!" Calvin explained</p><p>But Santana wasn't stupid. She'd text him before 9am, it was now 10pm and the smell was strong and intense. Clearly, he had been with someone just before they met. Seeing she wasn't buying it; Calvin held his hands up.</p><p>"Okay, okay! I was with another chick just before I met you, I'll be honest 'bout it. But I didn't know what was gonna come of today. You know how we roll. One minute we're vibing, the next we're not. I've got needs I need attended to but, you know you're the only girl who can hold me down. You can make me into a good guy. You can train me"</p><p>Santana couldn't be mad with him, after all, they weren't official. But she knew Calvin was a young, hot, red-blooded male. He didn't want to settle down with Santana and Mila, not really. He just liked the game they played.</p><p>"I already have a child Calvin; I don't need another one" Santana retorted</p><p>Calvin, sensing he was getting nowhere, decided to play to Santana's weakness. He pulled her towards him again and kissed her neck, causing Santana to shudder. Then, he grabbed her face with both hands, running his thumb over her lip.</p><p>"You are so beautiful" he purred, pulling her in closer.</p><p>Santana's breath hitched, and for a moment she was speechless. Calvin always knew exactly how to get her. He had grown to know her body well. She closed her eyes and lost herself in his embrace, allowing herself to put her hand on his shoulder. As Calvin moved in to kiss her, she felt herself gravitating towards him, until snapping back to her senses. She let out a sharp intake of breath, and turned her head away from him, pulling back slightly.</p><p>"You know what?" she began, patting his chest before stepping back with a slight laugh "I'm actually serious…I am…we can't keep doing this. It's over Calvin"</p><p>She stepped away from him and began to turn to walk back to her car.</p><p>"So, it's like that!?" he shouted, "you're really stopping this?"</p><p>Santana smiled, proud of herself. Somewhere out of nowhere, she had found her self-worth, and she knew she deserved better.</p><p>"Yep, I really am"</p><p>"Psh! Your loss. See if anyone else will put up with your fucked up cold ways. You're damaged goods!" he scoffed "I'll speak to you in a months-time when you decide you need fucking again"</p><p>With that, Calvin stormed off towards his car, leaving Santana standing in an empty park lot. His words should have hurt, but they didn't. For the first time in a long time, Santana felt powerful and exhilarated.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Long chapter ahead for you! Longest one yet. It's mainly a flashback chapter, because I wanted to give an insight into the relationship between Brittany and Mila. Lots of cute Brittana too! Hope you enjoy xx</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Brittany stared out at the window, watching the raindrops settle on the panes of glass, as she brought the steaming mug of coffee she had just made up to her lips. She closed her eyes in satisfaction as she took her first gulp, in much need of the caffeine hit.</p><p>"Ah, ah, ah" a voice appeared behind her "Is that the proper stuff you're drinking?" Denver continued, taking the coffee from her and inhaling the smell. Realising it was caffeine, he threw the contents into the sink in one fell swoop, before switching the kettle on again and pulling out the decaf stuff.</p><p>"You know it's better for trying" he said firmly, raising his eyebrows at the blonde.</p><p>Brittany sighed and rolled her eyes. The last few days had been a military operation, since Denver had found out Brittany was ovulating. Since she'd agreed to try for a baby last week, she assumed they'd start slowly and explore the idea more, start trying a couple of months later when she'd had time to get her head around it. But Denver had been waiting for Brittany's agreement in this for months, so has soon as she'd agreed, his motto was why wait? He'd gone on to his computer straight away and started asking Brittany loads of questions about when her last period was, how long they usually lasted, so he could track her cycle and estimate her ovulation dates. When the website had said Brittany was days away from her ovulation period, Denver had excitedly said it was meant to be, so here they were trying already.</p><p>Brittany hoped the website was inaccurate, it was all far too rushed for her. She hadn't even broached the subject with her parents or Santana, that she was trying. They'd be shocked if they knew. It wasn't that Brittany didn't want children. She loved them, and she was great with them. She just didn't feel ready to have her own yet. Right now, she was happy to just play doting auntie. She thought back to fond memories with Mila over the years.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>August 2009</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>It was the eve of Brittany's 19th birthday, and she had returned to Lima for a long weekend. So tied up with her new boyfriend, she hadn't made it back since June, but she wanted to make sure she came back and spent her birthday with Santana. It was their tradition. Denver had moaned slightly, saying he wanted to be the one to spend her birthday with her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We'll celebrate when I'm back, but I need this day with San" she'd told him "We've never not spent a birthday together, and I don't want it to stop now, just because she has Mila and I live in New York. It's important to me".</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So, Denver had reluctantly skulked off to Arizona for a few days, leaving Brittany to see her birthday in with her two favourite girls. Santana's brow furrowed as she rocked a screaming Mila. George had been right, she had terrible colic, and she found it so hard to settle. They were watching their favourite show, Sweet Valley High, but Mila's cries were making it difficult to concentrate. Brittany watched Santana as she jigged Mila up and down. It really amazed her seeing her best friend as a mom. It may have been out of the blue, but Santana had taken to motherhood so well and so naturally, and Brittany was so proud of her for that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Brit I'm so sorry! This shouldn't be how you spend your birthday. You should be out, doing something fun, not sat here listening to a screaming baby" Santana smiled apologetically "Honestly if you want to leave, do something else, I don't mind. I just want you to have fun. I'm sure Ashley is in town; you could hit her up…"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Santana shh!" Brittany interrupted "Look, I came back here to spend time with you and Mila. Not Ashley or any of the other Cheerios that I've barely spoken to in months. I've got popcorn and candy, Sweet Valley High, and most importantly my two girls. What more could I ask for on my birthday? There's nowhere else I'd rather be".</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana let out a watery smile at Brittany's words. Brittany could tell she was getting emotional. Nothing she was doing to soothe Mila was working, and she was beginning to feel stressed and helpless. Brittany outstretched her arms.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Here…why don't you let me try?" she took the five-month-old baby into her arms and gently shushed her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Now what's all this fuss about baby girl?" she cooed, using her soft baby voice "are you going to be a good girl for your Aunty Brit-Brit? Because Aunty Brit-Brit doesn't like seeing you cry, does she? And neither does Mami"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana's face softened as she watched Brittany with Mila. She felt like her heart could burst, seeing the way Brittany was so tender with her. Mila didn't have a dad, but she had the best aunty in the world. To Santana's surprise, Mila started to quieten slightly. Brittany looked up, eyes full of emotion.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"God San, she is so much like you!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She looked back down at Mila and started to sing softly to her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"For you, there'll be no more crying" she began, as Santana looked at her tenderly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Songbird had always been Brittany's all-time favourite song. Her parents were big Fleetwood Mac fans, and Pierce used to play the vinyl while Whitney was pregnant. When Brittany was born, it was the one song that calmed her down, and she had found comfort in it throughout her whole life. When Brittany was upset back in high school because Artie had called her stupid, leading to their breakup, Santana had pulled her into the choir room and sang it to her. Nothing she had done to try cheer Brittany up was working so far, and it was her last ditch attempt at putting a smile back on her best friends face, knowing how much she loved the song and how much she loved hearing Santana sing. Brittany always thought Santana had an incredible voice, but she was the only person that Santana would let hear it. Santana's plan worked, and now Brittany singing the song to Mila was working too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana just watched in amazement as Mila stilled in Brittany's arms, her eyes gently shutting, giving in to her exhaustion.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That song always calms me down too" Brittany smiled, before looking at Santana with shiny eyes "especially when it's sung by your Mama".</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany placed a tender kiss on Mila's forehead, as Santana swallowed the lump in her throat.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You'll make an amazing mom one day, Brit" she smiled warmly, Brittany meeting her eyes to return it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany lay back on the bed, being careful not to wake Mila, who was now sound asleep on her chest. She patted the spot next to her for Santana to join her, and the two of them fell into a content silence as they continued watching Sweet Valley High.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Around thirty minutes had passed, when Santana reached out to check her phone and noticed it was past midnight. She turned around to wish Brittany a happy birthday, when she noticed she had fallen asleep, Mila tucked contently on her chest. Her heart swelled as she looked at her two favourite girls, both sleeping soundly, and she couldn't resist snapping a quick photo.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Happy birthday Brittany" she whispered, before placing a light kiss on Brittany's cheek, careful not to wake her. She ran her thumb over Mila's cheek before laying back on the bed, resting her head on Brittany's shoulder with a smile. For the first time, she felt somewhat like her and Mila had a proper family.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>September 2010</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>It was two weeks before the start of Brittany's final year of college, and she was making the most of it before the hard work started. Santana had finally made it out to New York for a visit, and it was 18-month-old Mila's first time in the big apple. She wouldn't really understand, but it didn't stop Brittany enthusiastically pointing out every single sight to her, which Santana found adorable.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany had spent the past few nights at Santana's hotel, staying with her and Mila, and spending days just the three of them. But on this particular occasion, Brittany had dragged Denver along. They'd been together just over a year now and things were getting pretty serious, and she wanted Denver to get to know Santana and Mila more, since they were a big part of Brittany's life. He often said hello when he was in the background of their Skype calls, but he had only met them once before this trip, when he'd visited Lima with Brittany. Mila had squirmed and cried when he'd tried to hold her, not used to the strange man, so he'd hurriedly passed her back. Now she was older, she was much less wary, but that made Denver no less standoffish.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He had shuffled uncertainly when Brittany had instructed him to wait outside the small boutique shop for a few minutes and watch Mila. Santana's eyes had lit up at a dress she had seen, but the shop wasn't big enough for Mila's stroller. Knowing how hard her best friend worked in being a mom, Brittany wanted to treat her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As he stood impatiently outside the store, he realised they were getting in the way of everyone, so he pushed Mila over to a less populated area and sat on a bench. Mila began to scream, and Denver began to panic.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Okay, okay, calm down! Your mom will be back in a minute!" he told the screaming toddler, glaring around embarrassed at the passers-by who were watching him. He attempted to shush her; but made no effort to find out why she was throwing such a tantrum.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As Santana emerged from the shop with a big grateful smile, bag in hand, she turned to Brittany.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Thank you Britty! You really shouldn't have" but her smile dropped as she heard a familiar cry. She'd know that sound anywhere. Instinct kicking in, she glanced around nervously, Brittany doing the same; when they spotted Denver and Mila seated away from the chaos of Manhattan.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They ran over, Santana kneeling down to pick Mila up, while Brittany turned to Denver.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What happened!?" she questioned</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I don't know, she was fine one minute and then she just started screaming" Denver shrugged, as Santana continued to calm the little girl, cheeks red with tears.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She peered over into Mila's stroller, before looking back to Denver.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Wait have you seen Dumbo?" Santana asked, referring to Mila's teddy that she'd had since she was a newborn.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Denver shrugged again, as Brittany began to remove things from the stroller, to look for the precious possession.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"She had it when before we went in the store" she said to Denver</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I don't know Brit, she must have dropped it then" Denver shrugged again</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Okay, it's okay baby, Mami's got you" Santana continued to comfort her daughter, while Brittany glared at Denver. Mila must have dropped it, without Denver realising.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No wonder she's upset then!" Brittany snapped, before retracing the route to try and retrieve the teddy. It was no good. It had probably been kicked and trampled on by the busy Manhattan footfall. She returned back to them with a guilty expression.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Sorry San" she sighed</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No don't worry" Santana shook her head "It's okay, it's easily done" she assured, bouncing Mila on her hip.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No it's not okay" Brittany glared at Denver again. He had one job. She then turned to address Mila, taking her out of Santana's tired arms. Mila was getting heavy now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Come here little Moo, Aunty Brit-Brit is going to make it all better" she soothed, planting kisses all over her face "Denver, push the stroller" she said, she began walking towards the shops.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Where are we going now?" Denver sighed. He'd had enough by now and was ready to just go home and hang out with his friends. Brittany turned around with yet another firm glance.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"The Disney Store of course!" before turning to Mila and planting another kiss on her cheek "Mila needs her Dumbo don't you baby girl?"</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>After retrieving a new Dumbo for Mila, Santana spotted an adorable toddler sized Princess Jasmine costume, Brittany had insisted Santana try it on Mila. They were right, she looked too cute, Santana and Brittany couldn't stop cooing over her. Mila was now happy and smiley again, spinning around enjoying the attention. As Santana took her to get changed again, Brittany and Denver waited in the store.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh Den, how adorable did she look?" she gushed "she's just the cutest little girl, my heart can't cope"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Denver just stood, playing on his phone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Den?" Brittany pressed, waving a hand in front of his face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I was just saying how adorable Mila looked in that costume"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh…yeah…real cute" Denver replied, no enthusiasm injected at all, still distracted by his phone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What is the matter with you?" Brittany hissed "you've been in a mood all day! I thought you'd enjoy spending today with San and Mila. You know how important they are to me!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"She's not my kid Brit, I'm not gonna go google eyed over every little thing she does, like you do" Denver replied, fed up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany had no time to respond, before Santana and Mila emerged from the changing room.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Right are we ready to go? Give me that, and I'll go and pay" she smiled enthusiastically, gesturing towards the costume, masking the tension with Denver.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Brit no! I'm not letting you buy her this as well. You're getting her the Dumbo already, it's far too much" Santana protested, but to no avail. Brittany had already taken the costume and was heading towards the till with the items.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When she returned, she hooked the bag onto the stroller where Santana's gift was already hanging, making sure to scoop out Dumbo first.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hold on tight to him this time angel" Brittany smiled, passing the stuffed elephant to the enthusiastic little girl.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You spoil us" Santana giggled, embracing the blonde in a half hug.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Anything for my two favourite girls" she replied.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Santana had lay down for two minutes to rest her feet, when she had unintentionally fallen asleep, exhausted by the day's activities. Brittany watched her with a smile and decided to leave her to rest for a bit. She could take care of Mila. She fed, bathed and changed her, before settling her for bed. Santana slept through all of this and had been sleeping for around 45 minutes by now. Brittany held Mila and bounced her up and down slightly, as she wandered towards the window. They were several storeys up and the view was amazing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana awoke feeling groggy, she had no idea how long she had been asleep for. She saw Brittany standing by the window with Mila. She was holding her facing outwards so that Mila could see the view and pointing things out to her again. Santana just stayed in her tired silence, watching them affectionately.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I think this will be your home too one day Mila Moo" Brittany said softly, gently bouncing the toddler in her arms "then me, you and Mami can have fun days out together all the time"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana smiled at Brittany's words.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You see over there?" Brittany pointed "that's the Rockefeller Centre, and that's where we'll take you at Christmas"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She paused for a moment, before continuing on, pointing in a different direction</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And down there is Broadway, where we'll take you to see your first show. Because if you're anything like your Mami, you'll love the theatre. You'll pretend you don't like she does, but you will. And sometimes, I'll even let you come to work with me because, I'm going to work there someday"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana chuckled lightly, as she continued to watch them. Brittany pointed in another direction.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And that's where your Mami will work, in one of those big tall buildings, because she's extra clever. She's much cleverer than Aunty Brit-Brit. And look…look down there Moo, that's Central Park" Brittany pointed again "That's where Aunty Brit-Brit will take you, when Mami is busy at work, and needs me to look after you. We'll have so much fun…but the best days will be when we all go together. Me, you and Mami. When you're older I'll teach you how to cartwheel in the Spring, on the grass down there. We'll have ice cream in Summer, and I'll let you have any flavour you want. If Mami says no, I'll sneak when she's not looking. She'll pretend to be cross, but I know she'll be laughing really. In Autumn, we'll go on long walks admiring the trees, and all the colours of the changing leaves. You'll scoop them up excitedly and sprinkle them everywhere. It's freezing here in Winter, but we'll still go, because that hill over there is where we can go sledging. And we're going to build the best snowman."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana felt her eyes turn glassy, at Brittany's tender storytelling. It was like all the times they had talked about their future in New York, only this new version had Mila in it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Down there is where all the shops are" Brittany continued "and it's where me and Mami will go with you to pick out your Junior Prom dress"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany sighed happily, looking down at Mila who was now sleeping, but she continued to tell the story.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And over there somewhere is my favourite coffee shop. And it's where you and I will have secret meetings. Sometimes you'll tell me about the boys you like at school. Sometimes you'll arrive in tears, when you've had an argument with your Mami, and you need someone else to turn to. I'll phone your Mami right away to let her know you're with me. Then I'll listen to you, and I'll sympathise with you and give you a big Aunty Brit-Brit cuddle. But then I'd encourage you to make up with your Mami because she loves you more than anything. And when your Mami stresses about your behaviour, I'll tell her 'you were a teenager yourself once remember', and I'll remind her of all our adventures"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"God Brit, I hope she's not going to be as wild as you and I were" Santana laughed, startling Brittany who sharply turned to face her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Santana! I thought you were asleep…when did you w…?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I heard every word" Santana smiled "Adorable" she continued, wrinkling her nose.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany laughed, cheeks flushing red.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Just the new version of our New York dream, you know?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana smiled, if only Brittany's dream could become a reality. It sounded perfect.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You really are the best to her Brit. She's so lucky to have you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm so lucky to have her too. And you. Both of you" Brittany replied, with a warm smile, looking between both girls.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>April 2011</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>"Babe you really have spoilt me, thank you so much!" Santana said gratefully, standing up to give Brittany a hug.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well it's your 21st, I had to go a little extra" Brittany laughed, pleased Santana liked all of her presents that she'd put a lot of effort into selecting.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Isn't Mama just so lucky?" Santana enthused, addressing her two-year-old, before turning back to Brittany "no seriously Brit, thank you. You really didn't have to go to all of this effort. Just you being here in Lima is more than enough for me"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well about that…" Brittany began with a mischievous glint "Can you both come with me please?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Brit…" Santana looked at Brittany, as if to say, 'what have you done now!?'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Come on…you'll see"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana shook her head and laughed as she took Mila by the hand and followed her spontaneous best friend.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany led them both into the kitchen of her family home, and lifted Mila up to the refrigerator.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Can you read what that number says Meels?" she asked softly, leaving Mila to stare at the numbered envelope she had stuck on there earlier.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Number 1!" Mila answered proudly, turning to look at Santana, who'd been teaching her numbers recently.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Good girl Moo!" Santana exclaimed excitedly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"So clever!" Brittany enthused, giving Mila a kiss on the cheek, before pulling the envelope off the fridge and handing it to Santana. Santana studied the envelope with a confused expression, then looked back up to Brittany for an explanation.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"This is a treasure hunt" Brittany smiled excitedly "At the end of it, you'll find your final birthday gift from me"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Brittany, I love you, but this is way too much you have spoilt me already…" Santana began, worried how much the girl had spent.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"This one is a shared gift though. It's for all of us. You'll like it I promise. Now hurry up and open your first clue!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The treasure hunt was a simple one, set out more for the benefit of Mila, who excitedly joined in. Santana was so touched by the lengths Brittany had gone to. She was always a fan of a big gesture, but this year she had really pulled out all the stops. The treasure trail had them up and down stairs, in every crevice of Brittany's house, much to Mila's delight.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Back downstairs AGAIN!?" Santana would shout jokingly, putting on an act for Mila, who was laughing her head off at her mom's exaggerated behaviour.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As they opened the pantry door, they pulled out the tenth and final clue, which contained a key.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>My favourite girls,</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>you know you both have the key to my heart</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>when we're close together or far apart</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>but this key will take you to where our journey will start.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Get ready San, get ready Meels!</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Here's another clue, it has four wheels.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana smiled at the words, scrunching her nose slightly as she read it. Her best friend was the cutest dork. She bent down to Mila.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Where do you think Meels?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't know Mama" Mila shook her head and laughed</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well what does this key do? Remember I always tell you not to play with Mami's"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"CAR!" Mila suddenly shouted, making Brittany and Santana roar with laughter.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As they approached the car, they found a piece of paper stuck to the trunk.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>OPEN ME</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>"You ready?" Brittany smiled. Santana looked at her, and back at the trunk. She wasn't sure why she felt so nervous. She nodded.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Go ahead then…" Brittany pressed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana carefully opened the trunk. She wasn't sure what she was expecting to find, but it wasn't Brittany's suitcase. She looked back at Brittany confused, while Mila mirrored her mother's confusion, staring between the pair.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany held her stare for a moment with a smirk, giving nothing away, before reaching into her pocket to retrieve something.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You'll be needing yours too" Brittany said simply, raising her brow, before handing Santana the plane ticket template she'd had designed and printed.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>YOUR TICKET - ADMIT THREE</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em><strong>NAME:</strong> SANTANA D. LOPEZ MILA G. LOPEZ BRITTANY S. PIERCE</em>
</p><p>
  <em><strong>DESTINATION:</strong> DISNEY WORLD FLORIDA</em>
</p><p>
  <em><strong>THE ADVENTURE STARTS:</strong> RIGHT NOW</em>
</p><p>
  <em><strong>COMMENTS:</strong> ALL EXPENSES PAID</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As Santana read the ticket, reading the words Disney World, she gasped. Then she saw they were leaving today, and it was all expenses paid, and gasped again. Her eyes watering, she raised her hand to her mouth, overwhelmed. Mila stared at her mother questioningly, little hands crossed behind her back as she wondered what was happening, whilst Brittany felt tears spring to her eyes at Santana's reaction.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana had mentioned for a while now, how she wanted to give Mila the same memories they'd enjoyed in Disney World, but didn't know how she was ever going to afford it. When Brittany had graduated High School back in 2008, her parents had kindly gifted her a large sum of money, as a graduation present. They had saved every Christmas bonus, every tax rebate and all of their extra change to help her pay for college. But then, Brittany had shocked them all and gotten a scholarship. She had spent some of the money of course, New York living was expensive, but for the most part she was saving it for the future or for special occasions. Santana's 21st birthday was a very special occasion. Santana was lucky enough to receive financial help from her parents quite a lot too, but she needed to spend it on smart things. An apartment, a good car, necessities for Mila. Brittany wanted to give them the fun experiences.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana was completely choked with emotion, as she just stared at the ticket, tears running down her face. Brittany reached forward to place a comforting hand on her shoulder.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I want Mila to have the same memories we had in Disney World as well" she said simply. Santana simply stepped forward and squeezed Brittany into a big hug.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Thank you" she whispered through her tears "Thank you so much!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She always worried about not being able to give Mila enough, with her being a young single mom, and it meant the world to her that her daughter was getting to do this. She suddenly felt a little hand tapping on her leg.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What is it?" Mila asked, curious. Santana broke away from Brittany with a watery smile, before bending down to Mila's level and showing her the ticket. Mila was only two, so she couldn't read, but she would almost certainly recognise the Mickey Mouse logo on the template.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Guess where we're all going?" Santana swallowed; voice full of emotion. Mila looked at her mother, then at the ticket, then back to Santana again. She didn't quite understand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Where?" Mila asked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Disney World" her voice wavered, as she flipped her hand, her palm upturned, as if she couldn't believe the words were coming out of her mouth. It felt weird to even say it out loud. Mila continued to stare at her emotional mom, the words not sinking in, until Santana grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her excitedly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Disney World! We're going to Disney World Meels!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Disney World?" Mila repeated, staring at the ticket, unsure and unable to process the information. Santana nodded enthusiastically, her eyes shining with tears.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mila let out a shy smile and looked down at the ticket again. She couldn't quite believe what she was hearing, and she was in shock, much like Santana.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Disney World!" Brittany bent down like Santana, looking at Mila with a nod to signify she heard right, she could believe it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mila gasped; before clasping the ticket to her chest, bunching up her shoulders and scrunching up her face to let out an excited squeak. Santana and Brittany laughed in adoration at the thrilled little girl.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And Moo?" said Brittany "We're going right now!" she exclaimed, her eyes wide with enthusiasm. Mila began jumping up and down in excitement, much to Santana and Brittany's delight. Now that it had sunk in, her reaction was everything.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana grabbed Mila's hands and looked at her, making sure she fully understood and wasn't just getting excited because Santana and Brittany were.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"So, Aunty Brit-Bri</em>
  <em>t, has paid for her, you and me" she began, gesturing to the three of them "to go to Disney World right now. We're going to go on a plane and fly to Disney World, where ALL of the prince and princesses live…"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Will I see Dumbo?" Mila interrupted with a grin.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yes!" Santana shrieked, picking up Mila and spinning her around, causing her to giggle "You're going to get to see everyone baby! Jasmine, Belle, Cinderella, Minnie, Mickey. All of them! Me, you and Aunty Brit-Bri</em>
  <em>t, we're going to have the best time ever!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She set Mila back down again to speak to her properly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What do we need to say to Aunty Brit-Brit? I think she deserves a big kiss and a cuddle for being the BEST aunty in the world, don't you?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mila needed no further prompting as she threw her arms fiercely around Brittany's legs, causing Brittany to scoop her up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Thank you so much Aunty Brit-Brit" Mila exclaimed in her toddler speak.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You're so welcome my darling" Brittany grinned, hugging Mila tight "now, let's get in that car and drive to your house. We have suitcases to pack, and a plane to catch!"</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>July 2012</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany watched carefully as the new cast performed full out to "One Short Day". She was still working as an Assistant Choreographer on Wicked and had even had some opportunities to step in as Lead Choreographer, when covering for annual leave. She loved her job, and today she loved it even more because she had brought Santana and Mila along to watch. Mila had been wanting to see what Aunty Brit-Brit did at work for ages now, but Brittany thought a lot of the time she'd be bored. When the show was in full swing, her role consisted of a lot of meetings with other departments, observing, note taking and quick amendments. But, by luck, they had a cast change around the time Santana and Mila were due to visit, and they all needed to be taught the routines from scratch. It was also a time for Brittany and the Lead Choreographer to chop and change bits out, sometimes things might have fit well with the last cast, that didn't work quite so well with the new one. It was part of keeping the show alive. She knew it would be perfect for Mila to sit in and watch, because it was very practical, and she'd get to see Brittany dance as well as elements of the show. Santana would thoroughly enjoy it also, as one of her favourite things ever, was watching Brittany dance.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As the song finished, Brittany sprang into action.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Okay I think that was great, but for the mid-section, it needs to be more like this" Brittany demonstrated, flittering elegantly across the stage as Mila and Santana watched in delight. "You see how that's more graceful, it just flows with the music more"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The cast agreed, many of them trying to imitate Brittany straight away, and nail it down. Brittany turned to her guests, sitting proudly in the front row.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What do you think Mila?" she asked the little girl. She had spent all day making her feel very important, and the three-year-old was loving it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I think…" Mila paused thoughtfully, thinking about what big word she could use to sum up her thoughts, before breaking out into a grin "It was fantastic!" causing everybody to laugh at her adorableness.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"She could be a judge on American Idol with the way she just built the suspense there" one of the cast members joked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Muy bien!" Mila shouted, sticking two thumbs up with a massive grin, causing everybody to laugh again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Okay, okay everybody, you heard the boss, good job!" Brittany laughed "go ahead and take your lunch break and we'll regroup in an hour"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As the cast milled out, she headed towards Santana and Mila.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Aunty Britt-Britt, I want to be a dancer just like you when I grow up!" Mila exclaimed</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You do!" Brittany gasped with enthusiasm "That's great Meels! You'll make a great dancer."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana smiled warmly at the pair of them. It never failed to melt her watching the way Brittany so enthusiastically and patiently interacted with Mila. They were like two peas in a pod, and their bond was so special. Just like Santana and Brittany's own bond.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Can you teach me something Aunty Brit?" Mila pleaded, fluttering the long thick lashes she'd inherited from Santana.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany laughed, she could never say no to Santana's puppy dog eyes, so she certainly couldn't say no to Mila's.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Sure, I can! Come up on to the stage" she smiled, taking Mila by the hand and leading her onto the big stage.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana watched dotingly as Brittany showed Mila the foundations of ballet, the five basic foot positions. Mila wobbled a lot at first, as she stuck her tongue out in concentration, trying to copy Brittany's foot work. On a couple of occasions, she toppled over, but Brittany would catch her and straighten her up again. Adjusting her feet to where they needed to be, until it was time to move on to the next position and she'd adjust her feet again. She was so patient with her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That's great Moo! Good job! Now can you remember the next position to change into for second...ooh no, not quite that one, but nearly. Let me show you again" Brittany encouraged.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>By the end of the lunch hour, Mila could just about do all of the five positions when Brittany yelled out each name. She knew how to transition from first to second, but after that she'd get a bit stuck. But for a three-year-old in her first ever ballet class, Brittany didn't think she'd done too badly at all.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I wish I lived in New York so you could teach me ballet every day" said Mila, staring up at the blonde in admiration. Brittany ruffled her hair as she watched the little girl go back to her seat into the proud arms of Santana. It was enough to give her one of her famous brainwaves.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Back in Lima a few days later, Santana was startled by her phone ringing. Looking at the screen, she didn't recognise the number, but she answered anyway.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hello?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hi there, could I speak to a Miss Santana Lopez please?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Speaking"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Santana, Hi, it's Zoe Walden calling here from the Lima School of Contemporary Dance. Your friend Brittany Pierce was a student of mine for many years"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Ah yes, I remember you actually. I used to come and watch her sometimes" Santana smiled "can I help you with something?" she asked cheerily, guessing she perhaps wanted Brittany's number or contact details.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Actually, I wanted to do something to help you" she began "I understood you have a three-year-old, desperate to start ballet lessons? I wanted to offer my services"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana looked over at Mila and let out a sad sigh. Her answer made her feel guilty.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I do yes. But I'm not in the financial position to be able to send her right now I'm afraid" Santana knew from seeing Brittany grow up doing dance how expensive it could be. It wasn't just the tuition fees, it was the uniform, the constant need for new shoes, the exam costs, the competition fees. She knew if she asked her parents, they would probably offer to help out, but she didn't want to do that. They did enough for her. Hopefully she would be in a better position to send her, in a couple of years. It didn't stop her feeling guilty though.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Actually, we'd like to offer her free tuition, and we'll waive all competition fees. All you'll be responsible for is uniform, shoes and her exam fees" Zoe stated, in a kind tone. Santana was knocked aback.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Miss Walden, thank you so much, but we can't accept that" she smiled. It was a generous offer, but Santana wasn't a charity case.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Call me Zoe, please?" she insisted kindly "no really, I insist. Brittany has kindly agreed to become our Patron, and I'd like to do something for her to return the favour. She's done really well for herself, and she'll be a great inspiration to our students, and no doubt we'll have lots of new sign ups with her name attached. It's the least I can do."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana smiled; she might have known Brittany would have something to do with this. She instantly knew this would have been Brittany's idea. She would have asked Zoe to do this for Mila, in return for her being a Patron, and it was a fair deal. Zoe would likely triple the money lost on not charging to teach Mila, with all the other parents pushing their kids there, on seeing one of their Alumni as a Broadway Choreographer and Patron. It was rare to see people from Lima doing so well in the arts.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I also hear that Mila is very talented and has a great gift. Brittany told me herself, and as a great dancer taught by myself, I trust Brittany's judgement. I can't let this potential go to waste" she continued.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana paused for a moment before asking with a grin</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"When can she start?" she asked, as she made a mental note to call Brittany straight afterwards and thank her.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>March 2013</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>It was the end of March, three weeks after Mila's fourth birthday, and Santana and Mila were in New York visiting. Brittany and Denver had their own apartment now, so Santana and Mila were staying with them, Denver keeping out of the way for the most part. Brittany had, as always, gone to town spoiling the little girl with birthday gifts. But today, she had the biggest surprise up her sleeve.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They'd had a fun day out in the city, but it was now evening time, and they had come back to the apartment to have take-out and watch a movie.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We should all get our PJs on, and get cosy" Brittany suggested, as she observed Santana and Mila sitting on the sofa.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Good idea! You can't have a movie night without PJ's" Santana agreed, before Brittany interrupted again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Actually…I thought Meels might want to wear this" she smiled, pulling out a wrapped parcel from behind her back, and handing it to the four-year-old.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What is it!?" Mila shouted excitedly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well why don't you open it and find out?" said Brittany, as Santana shook her head with a laugh, the birthday gifts just didn't stop coming. Brittany was always spoiling Mila, but Mila was always extremely grateful and well mannered. She never expected anything. Santana had raised her very well.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mila carefully tore open the parcel, handing the red wrapping paper and gold ribbon to Santana, so not to throw it on the floor. There was a small t-shirt inside, which she unfolded and held up, Santana let out a grin as she realised who was on the shirt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Who is it Meels?" Santana encouraged, watching Mila's face break into a grin of recognition as she spotted her favourite popstar.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Taylor Swift!" she shouted, jumping up and down.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mila had become obsessed with Taylor Swift in the past year or so. She'd even dressed like her for Halloween last October. For Christmas, Santana had got her the 'Red' album, and Mila played it none stop. She knew every single word.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Can I put this on right now?" the little girl asked, looking eagerly between her mom and aunty.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Sure Moo! Go ahead and put it on, and I'll be right back" said Brittany, before disappearing into the kitchen, leaving Santana to help Mila change into her new shirt. They had just got the shirt on when the lights flicked off, causing Santana and Mila to look up in surprise, until they noticed Brittany appear at the door with a lit birthday cake and realised what was going on.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you" she sang, walking towards the two girls, as Santana joined in the song "Happy birthday dear Milaaaaaa. Happy birthday to you"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The little girl giggled in delight, loving the fact her birthday celebrations had been dragged out this year, as Brittany set the cake down in front of her. Santana wondered when she had even had time to plan all of this, because they'd been with her the whole time, but that was just classic Brittany. Full of surprises.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Make a wish Moo!" Brittany encouraged, pointing to the lit cake. Mila squeezed her eyes tight, paused in thought for a moment, before blowing hard on the candles. One of the candles was stubborn, so Santana had to secretly help her. As Santana leaned forward to blow the candle, she noticed the Spanish text on the cake, and her heart skipped a beat.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Mila, can you read out the writing please?" Brittany asked gently.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Okay Aunty Brit-Brit" she replied sweetly, before peering at the iced text, scrutinising it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Vamos a ver a Taylor Swift en concierto esta noche" Mila read out in perfect Spanish.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Can you translate that for me please Meels?" Brittany continued.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mila studied the cake again, tentatively translating the words.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We…are…going to…see Taylor Swift…in…concert tonight" she translated, tongue sticking out in concentration, before repeating again in full now she knew what it said "we are going to see Taylor Swift in concert tonight" as she finished the end of the sentence, she realised what she had said and gasped, causing Brittany to nod enthusiastically.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What!?" Mila gasped "Really!? We're going!? The real Taylor Swift!?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yep. The real Taylor Swift. Tonight. In concert. Me, you and Mami. That's why you need to put your shirt on!" Brittany exclaimed, handing Mila the set of three concert tickets for the Red Tour in Newark tonight to look at. This was all Mila needed for it to hit her, she suddenly burst into tears overwhelmed. The sight brought instant tears to Santana and Brittany's eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh, darling come here!" Santana cried, wiping tears from her own brown eyes, and taking Mila into a big hug. Mila pulled away to hug Brittany, who was also crying. Mila was too overwhelmed to even speak right now, but Brittany knew she was extremely grateful, as she scooped her up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh god I'm a mess!" Brittany said cradling the hysterical girl with one arm, wiping tears from her own eyes with the other. Santana walked over to join in the hug, Brittany using her free arm to welcome her in, as the three of them rocked in a happy embrace.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You really are the best Brittany" Santana sniffed "thank you for doing this for her."</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>The concert was in full swing, and the three of them were having the best time. Mila was absolutely high on life, bouncing around and singing along to every single world, it was a joy to watch. The time had come in the concert for Taylor to announce the surprise song she'd be singing. Mila looked on in anticipation, taking everything in, when the opening chords of her favourite ever Taylor Swift song started playing. The crowd erupted into deafening cheers as they recognised the song, while Mila burst into fresh tears all over again, the excitement well and truly gripping her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You were in college working part time, waiting tables, left a small town never looked back!" Mila screamed through her tears. Both Brittany and Santana felt their heart burst at the little girl having the time of her life, and Brittany scooped her up, while Santana stood next to Brittany and held Mila's hand, the three of them dancing and singing along together. As Taylor went into the bridge, Mila removed her hand from Santana's to wrap her arm around her neck and pull her closer. She had one arm wrapped around Brittany's neck, the other wrapped around Santana, as they both held her up in the middle. They sang along together, enjoying the close embrace.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>And I remember that fight, 2:30 AM</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>As everything was slipping right out of our hands</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I ran out, crying, and you followed me out into the street</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Brace myself for the goodbyes</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>'Cause that's all i've ever known</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Then you took me by surprise</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>You said i'll never leave you alone</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>As the crowd erupted into cheers before the final chorus, and Taylor began to walk up the catwalk, Mila scrambled to be put down to edge closer to the barrier. She was small enough to wedge through the gaps, and the people standing against the barrier were kind enough to let Mila squeeze in. Santana and Brittany smiled, their arms wrapped around each other, as they watched Mila staring up at her favourite singer in awe. They sang the final chorus together, looking at each other and just being in the moment.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>You said, "I remember how we felt, sitting by the water</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>And every time I look at you, it's like the first time</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>She is the best thing that's ever been mine"</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>As Taylor dragged out the final note, cheers erupting around her, Santana and Brittany stared intently at each other. A surge of electricity passed through them, as they were deep in the moment. They both felt so happy and full of love, having spent such a fun night together watching all of Mila's dreams come true. Any time together was always sacred. Completely caught up, Santana didn't know what came over her, as she found herself leaning forward to place a kiss on Brittany's lips. Not an open mouthed, passionate kiss, but a simple meaningful peck on the lips. It lasted a few seconds longer than it should have. It felt like just the two of them in the room, until Taylor continued the song and brought them back to reality.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana pulled away, confused at what came over her. Her whole body was tingling, and the pit of her stomach was filled with butterflies. She didn't know what had led her to kiss Brittany and for her to feel such electricity, but she put it down to the happiness and adrenaline she was feeling. She was caught up in the atmosphere and was grateful to Brittany for giving them this experience. That was all it could be, she mused.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany on the other hand, felt the same tingling feelings and butterflies. Although they were always overly affectionate and tactile, she had never kissed Santana on the lips before, only ever on the cheek. The kiss, although short but sweet, had stirred up feelings for Brittany that she thought she had put to bed. She thought she was over Santana. Maybe she was wrong.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Both girls forced their attention back on the concert, continuing to enjoy the night, neither of them acknowledging the strange spark that had just occurred between them.</em>
</p><hr/><p>Brittany was stirred from her thoughts by Denver shouting down the hallway, that he was leaving for work.</p><p>"Bye honey! Have a good day" she called, as she shook her head of the last memory. It was always weird for her to think about that one, because she couldn't help feeling such a connection and energy with Santana that night, like she'd never ever felt before. She'd had feelings for Santana for a long time before that, but it was as if on that occasion, Santana was finally feeling them too. It had brought all of Brittany's high school emotions rushing back. It felt different from the drunken, more passionate kiss that they had shared on Santana's 18th birthday. It felt like a kiss filled with love. Still, Brittany was with Denver now, and they were getting more serious than ever. And Santana was straight, she was sure of it. After Santana regretfully shrugged off the kiss they shared on her birthday, Brittany was never going to bring her feelings up again.</p><p>She loved Santana with everything. She always had, she always would. But she knew anything more than friendship just wasn't meant to be. She was just happy to have Santana, and the five-year-old that came part of the package, as part of her life at all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Santana thanked the cashier and took her large skinny latte and ham salad sandwich, headed for the nearest empty table. It had been a stressful morning at work, and her lunch break couldn't have come quick enough. <em>Thank god it's Friday</em>, was all she could think! As she sat down and brought the hot beverage to her lips, she let out a peaceful sigh, before tucking into her sandwich and pulling out her phone to browse Social Media. She had two unread messages. One from Calvin who'd started blowing her phone up as usual, which she just rolled her eyes and ignored, and one from Brittany.</p><p>
  <strong>Can't wait to see you for your birthday, 1 month today!Xx</strong>
</p><p>She frowned confused. Brittany had said she couldn't make it back to Lima. Had her schedule changed? She quickly typed back.</p><p>
  <strong>What!? You're coming? But how? Xx</strong>
</p><p>No quicker had she sent the message, was her phone buzzing with Brittany's reply.</p><p>
  <strong>Nope…you are ;)</strong>
</p><p>Santana frowned again. Now she really was confused. She didn't have time to respond because her phone was suddenly buzzing in her hand.</p><p>"Surpriiiiiiiiiise!" Brit yelled down the phone.</p><p>"Brit, what are you talking about?" Santana asked, totally puzzled.</p><p>"Well since I can't come to you this year for your birthday, and you can't pull Mila out of school, I did some plotting with your mom. We both think you deserve a 'mommy break'. So…. on the 27th April you're flying to New York, and you're staying until the 1st May, so you'll be here on your birthday. Your parents are going to watch Meels for you, but you'll be home the Friday night ready to spend the weekend with her. I know you won't want to be away from her for too long, but you've never had a proper break before. A trip just for yourself. We thought it would be nice to just have some you time, a BritBrit Santana holiday. Okay…maybe not a holiday since I'll sometimes have to work but…we'll have the best time still. Oh, and the flights are booked and paid for, call it one of your birthday presents. That is…if you want to come of course" Brittany rambled, unsure why she was so nervous.</p><p>"Brit of course I want to come!" Santana laughed "I'll miss my little Moo, but I miss you every day I'm not with you as well. It'll be so much fun. Just like the old days, we can go a little wild"</p><p>"I can't wait!" Brittany giggled excitedly</p><p>"Me neither! Thank you Brit, that's so thoughtful of you. I would say I can't believe you've managed to plan this with my mom behind my back but…it's you. You never fail to surprise me with amazing gestures like this" the Latina laughed warmly "no really you've made my day!"</p><p>"Aw I'm so glad San! It'll be a birthday to remember" Brittany smiled "anyway, I should go. I only called you quick on my lunch break because I just booked the flights. I've been planning this since we spoke last week but wanted to wait until everything was confirmed to tell you. I'll speak to you later though?"</p><p>"Okay babe, I'll FaceTime you later then, when I've picked Mila up from my mom's. Thank you soooo much again, and I can't wait to see you!" Santana replied, before saying her goodbyes and hanging up the phone with a smile. It was good to have something to look forward to. She took another sip of her coffee as a voice startled her from behind.</p><p>"Santana?"</p><p>Santana jumped and turned to look at the person calling her. She froze, and for a second she was unsure that words would come out.</p><p>"Dani…hi...what are you doing here?" she stuttered nervously, after what seemed like a long silence. In reality it had only been seconds.</p><p>"I work here" Dani replied with a knowing grin.</p><p>"Oh…yeah…sorry" Santana stuttered again. Something about this girl just made her so nervous. Come to think of it, Dani had mentioned working here on the night they'd met. Santana cursed herself for not remembering such a detail. Now she was faced with this awkward situation. She was about to make her excuses to leave when Dani spoke up again.</p><p>"Mind if I sit?"</p><p>Santana froze once again. She wanted to tell the girl no. Or to tell her that actually, she was just about to leave, and get up and gracefully walk out the door. But something about the girl was magnetic, and Santana couldn't help but stay rooted to the spot. She was just so intrigued by her.</p><p>"No" Santana croaked, before clearing her throat "No go ahead"</p><p>"Thanks" Dani smiled, sliding into the booth into the seat opposite her "I'm due a break, and the staff room is so small and stuffy. I'd much prefer to sit here and chat to you"</p><p>Santana's heart fluttered. Was she flirting with her? She couldn't even muster a response, she was starting to panic and sweat, even her under-boob felt sweaty. She had no idea why she was acting like this. She never even got this way with men before.</p><p><em>"It's fine"</em> Santana told herself <em>"she's not going to bring up a drunken kiss that probably meant nothing to her. She's a lesbian, she'll kiss girls all the time"</em></p><p>"So…what happened to you last week then? One minute we were having fun and the next you were just gone?"</p><p>
  <em>Oh god, she's really going there.</em>
</p><p>"Yeah sorry I…I just felt really sick. I had to get out of there" Santana replied</p><p>"My kiss was that bad huh?" Dani smirked, causing Santana's eyes to go wide.</p><p>Dani reached out her hand to touch Santana's, causing Santana to look at her.</p><p>"Look, Santana, don't worry! I'm just messing with you. I know you're not into girls, Quinn told me" Dani assured, causing Santana to let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.</p><p>"Thanks" Santana let out a weak but appreciative smile "truth be told, I'm just gonna stay off dating for a while, period. I haven't really had the best luck…" she trailed off.</p><p>"You wanna talk about it?" Dani asked. Santana was completely caught off guard. If someone she barely knew usually tried to delve into her life like this, she'd tell them to piss off and mind their own business, but with Dani it somehow felt different. She felt herself wanting to open up to her, she just didn't know why. Her confession came tumbling out of her mouth like word vomit.</p><p>"My daughter really wants a father figure in her life. She's five now, and for the whole time she's been born, she's never had that. Her real dad never wanted to know, and…I guess I've just never found anybody that I want to settle down with. There was this one guy, we had an on/off thing for a couple of years, and I met up with him last week to try make a real go of things but…just couldn't do it. I feel so bad for my little girl but, it's hard to force something that just isn't there you know? My dating history is tragic and I'm beginning to doubt I'll ever find someone. Maybe I'm better off being single?"</p><p>"Oh…" Dani began, not expecting Santana's confession. Santana looked down in panic, worrying she'd overwhelmed Dani. What was she thinking pouring her heart out like that to a complete stranger? She didn't have to worry for long, because Dani spoke up, offering her advice.</p><p>"I mean…I don't know, have you ever thought maybe you're just going for the wrong kind of guys?"</p><p>"Yeah maybe that's what my friends all seem to think too" Santana sighed "but I'm 23 now, and I've never once felt that click with <em>anyone</em>. I'm attracted to guys, no doubt but, I've never been in love before. I don't understand what that feels like, and I don't know what it's going to take for me to get there. I had a good childhood, and great parents who are happily married to look up to so, I don't get why I find it so hard to fall in love with somebody. The situation with my baby daddy was pretty bad, so I guess that could have scarred me but, even before that. I just never felt that click for guys the way other girls did in high school. Most of my friends were going out on dates or, hanging out by the mall to spy on 'cute boys'. I was never into all that, I preferred just…I don't know, hanging out with my best friend?" Santana admitted. She really couldn't believe she was being so vulnerable with Dani like this.</p><p>"You're still young Santana, there's still time" Dani smiled reassuringly "I think you need to stop focusing on love so much and just, do what makes you happy. Go with your heart, and when you least expect it, love will come. Right now, you're focused on finding the perfect daddy for your daughter but, that's never going to work. You need to live life for you and just be happy, and then you'll attract good things back to you. I'm sure that deep down, that's all your daughter really wants from you. Just to see her mommy happy".</p><p>Santana smiled; Dani's words were of great comfort. She sounded full of positivity and wisdom, and Santana liked that about her. It reminded her of one of the many qualities she loved in Brittany.</p><p>"Just have fun. Be you, follow your heart, go on lots of fun dates. Don't put too much thought into things as long as you're happy, and life will pan out the way it's supposed to" Dani continued.</p><p>"Thank you" Santana smiled "I guess you're right. I just worry so much about Mila and her happiness, I think I sometimes forget to think about my own"</p><p>"You're a mom, that's natural. But hey sometimes, you've got to put yourself first. As long as your little girl is happy and loved, that's all she needs, trust me" said Dani "Mila is such a cute name by the way"</p><p>"A cute name for the cutest little girl" Santana enthused, she always loved to gush about her pride and joy "I have her, and she makes me happy. Maybe I don't need any more love in my life"</p><p>"That's a good way to look at it" Dani nodded "Don't ever let anything hold you back from having fun and living your life though"</p><p>"No, no, I won't. I've always had fun, it's just…the serious part I struggle with"</p><p>Dani smiled at Santana, before pausing in thought for a moment, thinking carefully about her choice of words.</p><p>"You know it's funny. Your high school experience sounds a lot like mine." Dani began "I never really felt that connection with guys either. I could appreciate a good-looking man but, that was as far as it got for me. My biggest connection was with my best friend. I wanted to be around her <em>all</em> the time. Then the one time she got a boyfriend, I remember being super jealous"</p><p>Santana shifted in her seat nervously, this all sounded very familiar to her. Where was Dani going with this?</p><p>"In our Senior Year, we got drunk one night and we kissed. And that's when I realised my feelings for her. All this time I had thought we had some sisterly, platonic connection but, turns out I was wrong. She felt the same and, we ended up hooking up and being together in secret for three years. She couldn't handle the pressure of being found out, so she ended things, and she moved on and got a boyfriend. But point being, she was the first person I fell in love with, and she was the person who made me realise I'm actually a lesbian"</p><p>"Well me and my best friend weren't like that" Santana frowned, crossing her arms defensively "I love her, and I loved spending time with her more than anyone else in school but…we were just friends. We still are just friends"</p><p>"No, no, that's not what I'm saying" Dani shook her head "I'm not trying to compare situations or talk about your relationship with your best friend. I'm talking about the fact I never understood why I didn't connect to guys like everyone else seemed too, until I kissed my best friend. Being gay just wasn't as clear cut for me. There were no tell-tale signs. Maybe I could pick some now in hindsight, but nothing that would have stood out to me at the time. I know a lot of people they just know they're gay from childhood, but sometimes, you're not fully awakened to your sexuality until someone lays it out for you"</p><p>Santana looked down and fumbled with her hands, unsure why this conversation was making her so uncomfortable.</p><p>"And God Santana, I'm not trying to insinuate anything about you and your sexuality, I barely even know you. It's just…I see a lot of me in you, and I wanted to give you my insight. I'm not implying you're a lesbian or bisexual, or that you even like girls at all. But sexuality, it's on a spectrum. You've had trouble connecting with guys so…just out of curiosity, have you ever tried dating a girl before?"</p><p>Santana shook her head, meeting Dani's eyes briefly, before staring back down at her hands.</p><p>"It's not for me to tell you how to live your life, but all I'm saying is, maybe that's something you should be open too. You don't have to label yourself as anything, and it won't change anything about you from the inside it's just…exploring different things. If you never try, you might never know. And…I'll be honest Santana, when we kissed the other night, I did feel a chemistry there. Just be honest with me here, did you feel something too?"</p><p>The question knocked Santana back, and she paused in silence, her stomach riddled with butterflies. Were all lesbians so <em>forward</em>? She couldn't deny, she found it attractive. Meanwhile, her own confidence had been shot. She merely nodded her response to Dani's question, causing a slight, but smug grin to play on Dani's lips.</p><p>"Well there you go then. Look Santana, tell me to do one if you think I'm overstepping the mark here, but I think you just need to go with the flow and have some fun in your life. We had a connection that night. I enjoyed it, you enjoyed it. And I think" Dani flirted, causing Santana to gulp "you need a 100 percent sapphic goddess" By now Santana's eyes were locked with Dani's, and she couldn't look away from her intense stare.</p><p>"Why don't you let me take you out on a date? Just food and some drinks. No pressure on anything whatsoever, just see where the night takes us. It will be a fun night, and I can assure you I'm a great date" Dani winked.</p><p>"Dani I…" Santana fumbled "I'd love too it's just. I don't know. It scares me. I've never dated a girl before"</p><p>Dani nodded her head in understanding.</p><p>"But still I…I can't deny, there's an attraction there" Santana continued nervously. She couldn't even believe what she was saying. She tried to disregard her worry. Like Dani said, it didn't mean she was a lesbian, it was just being open minded and having fun. Even Quinn had been with girls before, and she wasn't a lesbian. And it wasn't like Santana was homophobic, but she just never saw herself as a lesbian or with a girl before. Dani smiled at Santana's last sentence, she tentatively reached forward to grab Santana's hand.</p><p>"This doesn't have to be anything you don't want it to be. We can take it as slow or as fast as you like. It's just a date babe" Santana's heart fluttered at the pet name "Just some good food, good wine, good chat. No expectations. The balls in your court." Dani shrugged.</p><p>"Okay" Santana let out a nervous laugh "Okay…okay let's do it"</p><p>"Perfect!" Dani winked "how does tomorrow evening sound? I know a great little quiet place on the outskirts. The last thing you want on your first date with a girl is to bump into someone you know" she laughed.</p><p>Santana panicked at the proximity of the date, but she was glad of Dani's suggestion to go somewhere quiet and out of town. If she did bump into anyone, she could just say she was with a friend but, she didn't want to risk a thousand questions. The only person who'd suspect it was anything more than a friendly thing, would be Quinn.</p><p>
  <em>Shit Quinn</em>
</p><p>"Tomorrow is great" Santana smiled nervously "can you do me a favour though and not mention any of this to Quinn? I just don't want her to jump the gun, and I want to keep it to myself. This is all so…new to me"</p><p>"Of course! I didn't plan on telling anyone. This is just for us" Dani assured "Here pass me your cell, I'll type my number in for you"</p><p>Santana handed over her phone and stared at the girl as she typed in her number. She was breathtakingly beautiful, with her highlighted blonde hair that accentuated her caramel skin. Her deep brown eyes that lit up whenever she flashed her dimpled grin. Dani passed the phone back, breaking Santana from her perving.</p><p>"I better get back" she smiled "but it's been great speaking to you, and I can't wait for tomorrow"</p><p>With that, Dani stood up to leave, lightly grazing Santana's shoulder.</p><p>"Remember Santana, it's just a date" she added, before walking off and leaving Santana speechless.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Heavy Dantana chapter coming up, but stick with it, plenty more Brittana to come and it's all part of the process :)</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Santana glanced around the hotel room with a gasp. The lights were turned off, leaving it lit only by candles. On the table lay a bottle of champagne, with two flutes and a platter of chocolate covered strawberries. The king-size bed was adorned with rose petals, spelling out 'happy birthday'.</p><p>She turned to the blonde next to her with a smile.</p><p>"Dani this is perfect" before leaning forward to give her a soft peck "thank you"</p><p>It was Friday 24th April, and Santana and Dani were in Columbus for the night, celebrating Santana's birthday. It wasn't until the following Thursday, but since Santana would be in New York, they were doing it early.</p><p>
  <em>The last month had been a complete whirlwind for Santana. After their first date four weeks ago, things had developed fairly quickly between them. Santana had been so nervous on that first date, that she had downed three homemade Martinis' before Dani even came to pick her up. Luckily, Dani didn't seem to notice, and the night had flowed well. Within twenty minutes the alcohol had settled in, and the nerves had calmed, and they were chatting like they'd known each other for years. Santana found herself feeling completely at ease with Dani, she was easy to talk to, and she felt like she could open up to her. She was intrigued by the blonde, and extremely attracted to her confidence. Dani on the other hand, admired Santana's no bullshit attitude and sense of humour.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As they had pulled up outside Dani's apartment that night, Santana's stomach was full of butterflies. She didn't want the night to end, but she also didn't want to push her luck and rush things either.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They shared a sweet and simple kiss, before they parted ways.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"So, I guess this is goodbye?" said Santana.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dani turned to her with a dimpled grin. She would have loved to carry the night on as well, but she too didn't want Santana to rush things. It was all new to her, and she wanted her to take her time and go slowly with these new feelings.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"For now." she replied, pecking Santana on the lips again, before heading out of the cab. She made sure to turn back and look at Santana one last time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When Santana had returned home, giddy from the evening's events and mind still swirling with alcohol, she checked her phone to see that she already had a text from Dani.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I had a great time with you tonight. I already can't wait to see you again X</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>From there, they started texting none stop. Santana just found herself so drawn to the girl. On the Monday, she went to the coffee shop where Dani worked, so they could spend their lunch break together. This soon became a daily ritual. Texts turned to phone calls, phone calls turned to FaceTime's, one date turned to several.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Every weekend for the past month, they had been on a date, either a Friday or Saturday depending on Santana arranging somebody to look after Mila. Usually Quinn or her parents would happily step in. She hadn't told them about Dani yet, she hadn't even told Brittany, she was just enjoying exploring this new side of her. Telling them would be a whole other big step for her, so she was just enjoying being in her bubble with Dani. She'd never been so happy before. She figured they probably knew she was dating somebody, but this wasn't really new for her, she'd dated lots before. They always knew not to pry, because Santana would tell them if it was anything serious.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>For the past two weeks, they'd been seeing even more of each other, and having a date night on a weeknight, as well as on the weekend. It had all started when Mila had asked to stay at her best friend from pre-schools for a sleepover. Santana didn't usually let Mila stay out on weeknights, but Mila had pleaded with her big brown eyes. Mila and her best friend Lily shared a special bond, that reminded Santana of the bond she had shared with Brittany at her age. She cherished those childhood sleepovers with Brittany, giggling into the night, having midnight feasts. The nostalgia made her relent, and Mila was allowed to attend her weeknight sleepover as a one-off occasion. She was starting Kindergarten in September, and from there sleepovers would be strictly weekends only.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"So, I have a childfree night Wednesday" Santana had said to Dani that Monday "I was wondering if you wanted to do something?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yes, they usually only did weekends, but it made complete sense for her to spend her time with Dani if Mila was away for the night.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Sorry babe, I don't think I can" Dani shrugged "I already made plans with Leanne that night"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh…" said Santana, stung by the rejection. Dani had never mentioned a Leanne before. Who the hell was Leanne? As if she could read her mind, Dani spoke up again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah sorry, it's just we don't usually do weekdays. I figured since you and I aren't exclusive I've got to keep my options open and keep myself in the dating field"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The words hit Santana hard, and the jealousy was written all over her face She wasn't seeing anyone else, and she just assumed Dani felt the same. They seemed so invested in each other. Had she been stupid? Sure, they hadn't mentioned exclusivity, but Santana just took that as a given.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well yeah…I mean…I'm personally not dating anybody else boy or girl" Santana blurted her out, trying to keep her tone light. It was her way of telling Dani she wanted to be exclusive, but without having to say it directly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dani smiled. Her plan had worked. She wasn't really planning on dating anyone else; it was just a chance for her to see where Santana's head was at, and she was happy with the answer. She let Santana sweat it out for the rest of the night, before texting her.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Cancelled my plans with Leanne, what time on Wednesday x</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana let out a huge sigh of relief. What was it about this girl that got her feeling all kind of emotions that she'd never tapped into before? Maybe it was just the excitement of something new, but she had never felt anything like it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They had their Wednesday date night, and the following week they did the same again, with Quinn minding Mila for the night and waving Santana off with a curious smile.</em>
</p><hr/><p>That brought them around to this weekend, standing in the nice hotel that Dani had booked for them. Dani had also treated them to a nice meal at a gorgeous seafood restaurant, she really had pulled out all the stops.</p><p>Santana couldn't help but feel butterflies, as she glanced around the room. She hadn't slept with Dani yet, but she knew tonight would be the night. They had made out lots, and there had been some groping, but nothing else. She knew everything was building up to this moment. She was nervous, because she had never been with a girl before, but also excited.</p><p>As she admired the efforts Dani had gone to, she thought back to the night she had lost her virginity with Puck. It soured in comparison.</p><p>"Shall I crack this open?" Dani asked, moving past Santana and heading over to the champagne, to which Santana responded with a nod.</p><p>She followed Dani into the room, sitting on the edge of the bed. Before opening the champagne, Dani turned her attention to Santana, crouching down to remove Santana's stilettos. She gave them a quick, gentle rub to ease the ache, before taking off her own shoes. She then went over to the table and popped open the bottle, pouring the liquid into the glasses, before passing one to Santana. She clinked their glasses together.</p><p>"Cheers to you' she smiled, as Santana looked down with a bashful chuckle.</p><p>They raised the glasses to their lips, Dani casually sipping hers, while Santana downed ¾ of hers in one go. Her nerves were getting the better of her.</p><p>"Slow down babe!" Dani laughed, before joining Santana to sit on the edge of the bed.</p><p>"Sorry" Santana giggled, bringing the glass down.</p><p>The two of them sat in a content silence, enjoying the moment, when suddenly Santana took Dani's champagne and stood up to set both of the glasses down. She turned back to Dani and climbed on top of her in a straddle position, kissing her hungrily. She was always in control, ever since her first time with Puck, and she was certain that this time wasn't going to be any different. Dani leaned into the kiss for a moment before reluctantly pulling away, turning her head away from the dark-haired beauty.</p><p>"Santana stop!…stop, stop, stop"</p><p>Santana felt a blush rising in her cheeks at Dani's words. Had she done something wrong? Sensing Santana's panic, Dani hurriedly assured her.</p><p>"Just…slow down a bit babe. I want you to enjoy this, you know?"</p><p>Santana stared at the girl, mesmerised by her beauty, before nodding gently. Dani raised a tender hand to stroke Santana's face, drinking her in, before taking hold of the gears.</p><p>"Lay down for me" she commanded softly.</p><p>Santana did as she was asked, shifting up the bed to lay down, as Dani sidled in next to her. They stared intently at each other, faces lit only by candlelight, before Dani leaned in to kiss her. Slow at first, but becoming more passionate and demanding as the time went on. They ran their hands down each other's bodies, exploring each other, tongues dancing together in a battle for dominance. They continued this for around twenty minutes, just making out and touching, not too dissimilar to what they had done before. Only this time, in anticipation of what was about to happen, Santana was more turned on than ever. She wanted Dani <em>so</em> bad.</p><p>As if she could sense the girls desire, Dani moved her hand over Santana's dress.</p><p>"Can I take this off?" she asked tenderly</p><p>Santana, who was by now speechless, could only nod willingly.</p><p>Dani gently removed the dress, slowly uncovering Santana's body. She stared in amazement, running her hands down the slender frame. Her petite limbs, her smooth skin, her bra-clad breasts and her toned stomach. Dani found it hard to believe she'd ever carried a baby, the only sign being soft faded stretch marks on her hips, which Dani softly ran her fingers over. She admired everything about her body, before moving up to claim her lips again.</p><p>Santana's breath grew ragged. Nobody had ever looked at her body like this. Puck hadn't even bothered to properly undress her on her first time. She felt more like a body than a person, but this time with Dani hit differently. Dani ran her hands over the top of Santana's breasts, cupping them lightly, before reaching behind Santana to unclasp her bra.</p><p>"Are you okay?" she checked.</p><p>"Great" Santana replied, her voice a little too high pitched, giving away how turned on she was. Taking this as a cue to continue, Dani removed the bra from Santana's body.</p><p>Dani smiled, leaning into kiss Santana again, as she ran her thumb over Santana's nipple. It instantly hardened at the touch, and Santana felt her breath hitch at the contact. Dani tuned into Santana, watching the way her body shook, taking cues over what she liked. When she was satisfied she had paid enough attention to one breast, she moved over to the other, running her tongue over her nipple. Santana's back arched, she felt so sensitive, and so good. As Dani took the nipple fully into her mouth, Santana let out a moan.</p><p>She had never had sex like this before, and they hadn't even fully got down to it yet. She felt so good, like her body was on fire and every nerve ending was being touched. She felt the familiar throbbing sensation down below, although she had never been as turned on as this before. She yearned for Dani to touch her there. As if she could read Santana's thoughts, Dani slowly trailed her hand down Santana's body until she reached her destination. She lightly cupped Santana through her panties, feeling the damp warmth that had gathered there. Dani couldn't delay any longer, she reached inside Santana's panties, and grazed her fingers over her soft centre. Santana let out another moan, and her hips bucked, she wanted to be as close to Dani as possible.</p><p>Dani's touch felt amazing, but Santana suddenly felt exposed and vulnerable under Dani's control. Here she was almost completely naked, with Dani touching her intimately, while Dani was still fully clothed. As Dani peeled off Santana's panties, Santana shot up, lunging passionately at the blonde. She began kissing her hard and fast, and tearing at her clothes. She needed her sense of control back. Sensing what the girl needed, Dani gently removed Santana's hands to rid herself of all her clothes, before pushing Santana back down on the bed. She was going to be the one to take control tonight.</p><p>Santana inhaled sharply as she took in Dani's naked body. Her soft curves, and the way her tiny waist moulded into voluptuous hips.</p><p>As she cupped Santana again, Dani let out a seductive smile.</p><p>"I think you're ready…"</p><p>And as Dani began to touch Santana, Santana felt herself losing all control and give into that vulnerability that Dani so desperately wanted to draw out of her. She'd never done this with men before, but this was Dani. This was <em>different</em>.</p><hr/><p>The next morning, Santana was awoken by soft fingers stroking up and down her arm. At first she thought it might be Brittany because Brittany always gave her arm massages, knowing how comforting she found them, but then she remembered she was with Dani. She peeled her eyes open and found Dani looking down at her with a smile. She had been watching her sleep, and Santana suddenly felt embarrassed, but thought it was cute all the same.</p><p>"Morning gorgeous" Dani grinned "how did you sleep?"</p><p>"Like a dream…although I don't think we did much sleeping" Santana smirked, a mischievous glint in her eye. They had enjoyed several rounds of lady loving, and by the end of it, Santana was smiling like the cat that got the cream. She didn't even know her body could react that strongly or feel such sensations.</p><p>Dani stared intently at Santana, who moved her arm to let out a stretch.</p><p>"Did you enjoy it?" she asked. Santana raised her eyebrows at the girl, giving her a look as if to say, 'are you really asking me that!?"</p><p>"Of course!" Santana laughed, causing Dani to laugh also, playfully ruffling Santana's hair before turning serious again.</p><p>"No, I mean…not just the sex…the night in general, did you enjoy that?"</p><p>"Yes, it was all <em>perfect</em>" Santana replied sincerely, tapping Dani on the nose lightly.</p><p>"Good because…I wanted it to be really special for you so that I could ask you this question. I know I said I didn't want you to rush anything and I want you to take things slow and think about it properly, and that still stands, but I'd really like to start calling you my girlfriend" Dani smiled shyly "I haven't had a connection like this in a long time, so making this official would mean a lot to me"</p><p>Santana scratched the back of her neck nervously. The question hadn't come as a complete shock, she felt it was something they were building up to, but it still made her feel anxious. She hadn't ever committed fully to anyone before, least of all another woman. But that was because she'd never felt like this for anyone else. She really, <em>really</em> liked Dani. But being official meant telling everyone, and that scared her. She was almost 24, and never showed any inclination of liking women before, how would everyone react? Her biggest concern was of course Mila, and how she'd take the news.</p><p>"I like you a lot Dani, I really, <em>really</em> do. But can I think about it for a bit while I'm in New York, get my head clear and make sense of everything properly?" she asked apprehensively, she hadn't really had any time away from Dani to analyse things, so a break away would do her good "It's just a big thing for me, you know?"</p><p>Dani nodded her head in understanding.</p><p>"Of course, that's kind of what I expected you to say. I've been there, and I know it can be a lot to come to terms with. Plus, I'd rather you be sure" she said.</p><p>Santana took Dani's hand in hers, tracing circles with her thumb.</p><p>"It's not a no, Dan"</p><p>Dani smiled, the two of them staring intently at each other, before Dani broke the moment. Her eyes glazed over, to show a hint of something more mischievous.</p><p>"We still have an hour until check out, I think we should make the most of it, don't you?"</p><p>Santana smiled seductively and leaned forward to claim Dani's lips. She didn't need to ask her twice.</p><hr/><p>After they had checked out, Dani had driven the two of them back to Lima, so that Santana could spend the rest of the weekend with Mila before heading to New York. Her mind was occupied a lot of the time, by Dani's question. The thought of being in a relationship with her filled her with happiness and excitement. She could genuinely see a future with her, cute family days out with Mila, cosy nights in, nice meals out. But she also needed to fully come to terms with everything. Just over a month ago, she had never entertained the idea of being with a girl before, now everything she thought she knew about herself had been flipped on its head.</p><p>Not only was she thinking about her feelings for Dani, she was now reanalysing her sexuality in general. Maybe Dani was just her exception? She said herself sexuality was on a spectrum, and maybe Dani was that proof for her. Attractive, funny, kind, what wasn't there to like?</p><p>She lay in bed Saturday night, just thinking over everything. She thought about sex with boys and how it dulled in comparison to sex with Dani. Sex with men was rushed, passionate and guarded. Sex with Dani was slow, tender and vulnerable. With men, sex was a power game, a way for her to feel good about herself. When it was her turn to pleasure them, she did it for herself, she got a kick out of seeing how attractive they found her. When she pleasured Dani, it was all about Dani, and making her feel good rather than herself. After sex with men she would distance herself as much as possible and withdraw, but in sex with Dani she had given herself emotionally and let her cuddle her afterwards. After sex with men she'd feel bad about herself, like she'd done something wrong, but she didn't know what. After sex with Dani she felt euphoric, and like everything was finally right.</p><p>She thought about how much Dani made her laugh, how being around her left her feeling warm inside and how if she had a bad day, she would feel instantly better with a message from her. In contrast, dating men was a chore to her. She had no interest in their lives, no desire to tell them about herself and open up to them and she would cringe at their jokes or attempts at romance.</p><p>She had enjoyed sex with a woman, and if she was honest about it, she knew she would probably enjoy sex with other women too. She hadn't ever had the chance to explore, but the more Santana thought about it, the more she realised she had actually always been attracted to women. She thought about all the times in High School when the other Cheerios would swoon over the footballers. They'd talk in great length about how they loved their muscly arms and their broad shoulders. Santana just went along with it, but she never ever got the appeal. She never looked at them and got excited about it, a woman's body was actually always more intriguing to her. Having a footballer boyfriend would be good for her status, nothing more. She had always assumed the other Cheerios were doing the same as her, just pretending and going along with it. But maybe they had the same feeling looking at a man's broad shoulders that she did when she looked at another girl's arse. She always figured looking at women this way was just body envy, her wanting to look like that. Now she knew different.</p><p><em>'So maybe you're bi then'</em> she told herself in her head.</p><p>Then she cast her mind back to Elementary School, how she loved Destiny's Child and The Spice Girls while all her friends loved NSYNC and The Backstreet Boys. The way she used to idolise women; her dentist, her middle school teacher, her mom's best friend. Not forgetting her JLO obsession, which had her walls covered with posters by every inch. The way she always thought boys were gross, and they only became cool if there was something in it for her, like increased popularity. The way she got jealous when any of her close friends got boyfriends, and how she could never understand why they'd ever want to ditch time with her to spend it with a stupid boy.</p><p>And then suddenly, in an astounding moment of clarity, everything hit Santana in the face.</p><p>Her emotional detachment towards men, her bad relationships, her strong female friendships, her obsession with other women.</p><p>"Holy shit, I'm a lesbian aren't I!?"</p><hr/><p>Once the revelation had hit Santana, her mind had unclouded and everything suddenly made sense. It was a true sexual awakening, and now she was surer than ever about who she was. Still, she needed to think the Dani thing through, it was still going to be a process for her.</p><p>On the Sunday night, she had dropped Mila at her parent's house, because she was catching an early flight. She cried saying bye to her, as she'd never been away from her for that long before, even though it was only five days. Mila on the other hand, didn't shed a tear, she was excited to be having a sleep over with Abuela and Abuelo for the week. The only thing she had sulked about was not getting to see Aunty Brit-Brit, but Santana had promised they'd FaceTime her every day.</p><p>Now she was at Breadstix waiting to meet Quinn. It was time for her to tell her first person. Quinn sauntered in looking as glamourous as ever and greeted Santana with a hug.</p><p>"Sorry I'm late, traffic was awful for a Sunday!"</p><p>"No…you're fine, I've only been here a few minutes myself" Santana replied.</p><p>After deciding what they wanted to eat, the two of them fell into a comfortable small talk.</p><p>"All excited for your trip tomorrow then?"</p><p>"Of course." Santana smiled, thinking about how this time tomorrow she'd be reunited with Brittany "I'll miss Mila but, it'll be nice to spend some quality time just me and Brit"</p><p>"Yeah you deserve it!" said Quinn, before gliding over the big topic "you had a good time on Friday then, with your date?"</p><p>Santana swallowed and turned to look at the blonde. It was now or never.</p><p>"Actually…that was kind of what I wanted to talk to you about" she began nervously, as Quinn looked at her expectantly "well, you know how you said I should try being with a girl…for the past month I've been…I've been dating Dani"</p><p>It was a struggle to get the words out, but once she had said them, it felt like a weight off. Quinn dropped her fork and raised her eyebrows; she wasn't expecting this.</p><p>"What!? No way! Okay, I need all the details. I honestly thought you were just seeing Calvin again."</p><p>Santana shook her head adamantly, before Quinn continued.</p><p>"I mean, get in there babe, Dani is super attractive! And by how happy you've been recently; I'm guessing you're having a lot of fun. I can't lie, I'm a bit jealous, I've always wanted to experiment" Quinn laughed, trying to cure Santana's obvious nerves "so have you...done the deed yet?"</p><p>Santana smirked and looked down.</p><p>"Oh my God you have! How was it? Was it good? Better than being with a man?" said Quinn, seemingly very intrigued by the situation.</p><p>"Honestly" Santana began, giving a shy smile before continuing "best sex I've ever had" causing Quinn to gasp.</p><p>"Miss Santana Lopez, you are a dark horse, I can't believe you managed to keep that one quiet for the whole month. I'm glad you're finally having some healthy fun though; you always have such a bad time with people"</p><p>"Well actually…there's more" Santana began, swallowing nervously again "It's more than just a bit of fun, I…I really, really like her Quinn. More than I've ever liked anyone. Yesterday she…she asked me to be her girlfriend"</p><p>Quinn raised her eyebrows and inhaled shocked, before reaching out to touch Santana's hand supportively, sensing she was struggling admitting all of this.</p><p>"Aw Santana. That's too adorable. Dani is such a lovely girl as well; I think you'd be great together. You have one life babe, if she makes you happy, then I'd say go for it. Screw what anybody else thinks. It doesn't change who you are a person, or mean that you suddenly have to start labelling yourself as a lesbian or even bisexual, you can just be you"</p><p>"I know, I know" Santana smiled, grateful for Quinn's support "but I have been doing some thinking about it over this weekend and…I don't know, everything just clicked into place for me. At first…I thought this whole thing with Dani was just a phase, just a fun thing that would eventually go away, but I guess what I've realised is…I like girls, more than I've ever liked men. I didn't realise it before, but now I can finally see everything clearly for the first time"</p><p>"So…you are gay?" Quinn asked softly, but with surprise. The conversation had taken a huge turn in the past ten minutes, she was more shocked at how Santana was suddenly telling her this, rather than the fact she was gay.</p><p>"Only straight I am, is straight up bitch!" Santana laughed, feeling the need to inject some humour into the conversation, which had taken a very serious turn. She then realised it was okay to be vulnerable in a moment like this and let her guard down more.</p><p>"Yeah…yeah I guess I am. I'm still coming to terms with it but…it just feels right, you know? Like I always had a piece missing but now, it all makes sense"</p><p>Quinn squeezed Santana's hand.</p><p>"That was really brave Santana. And you know that all anybody who loves you wants, is just to see you happy. It doesn't change who you are, you're still the same sassy Santana that we all know and love"</p><p>Santana let out a watery smile, relieved she had 'come out' to her first person, to such positivity.</p><p>"Come here" Quinn said, moving around the table to give Santana a hug. As they pulled out of the embrace and Quinn returned to her seat, she asked</p><p>"Have you told Brittany yet?" knowing how close the two of them were.</p><p>"No not yet, I'm going to tell her while I'm in New York, then I'll work on telling Mila and my parents"</p><p>"Don't worry, I'm sure everybody is going to react just fine. We all love you, and just want the best for you. I mean honestly, now that you've said it, I'm not overly shocked by it."</p><p>"You're not?" Santana frowned.</p><p>Quinn shook her head.</p><p>"I mean, you never really had meaningful relationships with men, and you never really talked that highly of them. I saw the chemistry you had with Dani that night, and I think in hindsight you've always radiated towards girls. Look at you and Brittany"</p><p>Santana stared at Quinn questioningly, before she continued.</p><p>"Well if you were ever going to come out and say you were in love with another girl, I always thought it was going to be Brittany"</p><p>Santana froze, the question catching her off guard, before letting out a nervous laugh.</p><p>"Don't be silly Quinn, Brit is just my best friend"</p><p>But later that night in bed, she couldn't stop thinking about what Quinn had said. She had always said that Brittany was her favourite person in the whole world (alongside Mila), now that she knew she was gay, was there a deeper meaning behind all of this? The jealousy she'd feel over Brittany dating people, the way she always turned to her for comfort and support, how tactile they always were with each other.</p><p>Before she could get too carried away with her thoughts, she shut them down. Brittany was her childhood best friend; she was straight, and she was in a happy long-term relationship. She couldn't even risk complicating things between them, so she refused to think about it any further.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Santana walked out of arrivals, to see Brittany standing waiting for her, with a bunch of Santana's favourite flowers. She ran over and tackled the blonde into a bear hug.</p><p>"I missed you" she whispered softly, breathing in Brittany's familiar jasmine and vanilla scent, and her strawberry shampoo.</p><p>"I missed you too San" Brittany replied, squeezing her eyes shut as she enjoyed Santana's embrace.</p><p>It had only been a couple of months, but even that was too much for them. In the almost six years they'd lived in different cities, it never got any easier, and if they could they'd be together every day like they were in high school.</p><p>"A welcome gift" Brittany smiled, passing the lilies to Santana. Santana stared at the girl with an adoring smile, before leaning over to give her a peck on the cheek.</p><hr/><p>After a busy day shopping in Manhattan., the girls arrived back at Brittany's house in fits full of laughter, placing their bags down and kicking off their shoes.</p><p>"Thank God, my shoulders were killing me carrying those bags." Brittany sighed "I think I'm getting old. I can really feel the impacts of all the dancing on my body nowadays" she laughed.</p><p>Santana looked at the blonde with concern.</p><p>"You want me to give you a massage?" she asked</p><p>"Ooh, I would love one actually" Brittany replied, walking over to the sofa and instinctively removing her top. The girls were always touchy feely with each other and had seen each in a state of undress many times before, nothing ever felt weird about it.</p><p>Santana walked over to Brittany and began to softly knead at her shoulders, applying pressure where she could feel the knots, her fingers nimbly working away to rid Brittany of any pain and pressure.</p><p>"Mmm that feels amazing San" Brittany purred. The sound made a blush rise to Santana's cheeks. She had given Brittany a massage countless times, but something felt different. She focused on the task at hand and continued to give Brittany her massage, hesitating slightly over the bra straps.</p><p>"You mind if I move your straps down?" Santana asked, deciding she needed better access. Without even answering, Brittany pulled the bra straps down, as Santana continued to massage her. As she pressed deep into Brittany's shoulder, Brittany let out another moan, leaving Santana blushing again.</p><p>Was she really getting turned on by her best friend now that she had realise she was into women?</p><p>She was pulled from her thoughts by her phone ringing, she glanced over at the table and saw it was her mom calling.</p><p>"Ooh it's my mom! I should probably answer" said Santana, Brittany nodding her understanding and putting her shirt back on. As the call connected, she was greeted by her five-year-old, grinning broadly and standing way too close to the phone.</p><p>"Hi my gorgeous girl!" Santana waved happily</p><p>"Hi Mama, where's my Aunty Brit-Brit?" she asked, peering curiously.</p><p>"I'm right here! Hi Moo, are you having a great time with your Abuelo and Abuela?" said Brittany, coming intro frame.</p><p>"Yep! They let me stay up a whole extra half hour past bedtime" Mila giggled, as Santana and Brittany feigned shock.</p><p>"Well I'll be having a word with that Abuela of yours" Santana joked "tell me about your day at pre-school Meels?"</p><hr/><p>After spending a while on FaceTime to Mila, Brittany looked at her watch and turned to Santana.</p><p>"So, we could go out tonight if you want? Go to a nice restaurant, hit a few cocktail bars…"</p><p>"Actually Brit" Santana interrupted "can we just stay in tonight? Just the two of us in comfy clothes with lots of wine? An old school BritBrit Santana night?"</p><p>"Course we can" Brittany smiled. The sound of the front door slamming made Brittany tense slightly, as she stood up to greet her boyfriend.</p><p>"Hey sweetie" she smiled, taking his coat and briefcase from him "how was work?"</p><p>"Very long" he sighed, planting a kiss on Brittany's cheek. She had to admit, he had gotten better towards her since they started trying for a baby. They had been unsuccessful in their first month of trying, but Brittany had assured Denver this was normal, it often took time to create something so perfect. She was worried Santana's visit would set his behaviour off again, he always had a slight jealousy towards her best friend that he sometimes struggled to mask. It would never be obvious to Santana, but Brittany would know, after all she knew him well. He could act like a big jealous baby, if all the attention wasn't on him. Denver walked further into the room to address Santana.</p><p>"Hi Santana, how was your flight?"</p><p>Brittany let out a sigh of relief, seems Denver was playing extra nice today.</p><p>"Hey!" Santana said, getting up off the couch to greet Denver properly "It wasn't so bad actually. Went pretty quick"</p><p>Denver smiled, before walking over to the fridge, looking for a snack.</p><p>"I didn't get dinner ready because me and San only just got back, sorry love" Brittany said, ringing her hands nervously.</p><p>Santana threw Brittany a questioning look. Why couldn't Denver get his own dinner ready? He's a grown man. Why should Brittany need to apologise for that?</p><p>"Brit it's fine" Denver laughed "To be honest I thought I'd head round to Brad's tonight, take over a couple of beers, give you ladies some space to enjoy your evening"</p><p>Maybe Brit was just being her overly nice self, trying to do a nice gesture for Denver, Santana mused, he had always seemed like a reasonable enough guy who made her happy. Was he good enough for her? Probably not, but truthfully Santana thought no one was. Brittany was such a special and unique person; it would take a lot for anyone to reach Santana's standards for her.</p><p>"Okay honey, yeah I think San and I are just going to stay in tonight with wine and food so, that could be a good idea" said Brittany, walking over to plant a kiss on Denver's cheek.</p><hr/><p>Later that night, the girls were two bottles of wine deep, and enjoying a great evening reminiscing over old memories, laughing at funny stories and just generally catching up. There was never too much to catch up on, since they spoke every day about anything and everything. Although there was still one big secret Santana needed to tell Brit, and she finally felt now was the right time, since she had enough liquid courage to do it.</p><p>"Brit…there's something I wanted to talk to you about" said Santana, turning the conversation more serious. Sensing the shift in mood, Brittany placed her glass down and looked at Santana intently.</p><p>"Sure San, what is it?" she asked gently.</p><p>Santana took a deep breath as she collected her thoughts. She wasn't sure why, but telling Brittany felt a lot more nerve wracking than telling Quinn. Maybe it was because she was closer with Brittany. She had known her for almost twenty years by now, and Santana was scared telling Brittany such a big thing about herself, would shock her. What if she felt the Santana she had always known, wasn't no more?</p><p>But then, Brittany had always been her most supportive friend. She had always said she would love her unconditionally. She had embraced the baby she had kept secret for nine months, surely this couldn't be any worse than that?</p><p>"You're so special to me…" Santana began. For a brief moment Brittany wondered if Santana was going to come out and say the words she had always wanted to hear. That she was in love with her, but she quickly rid the thought from her head. There was no way that was ever going to come out of Santana's mouth. Feeling nervous, Brittany couldn't help but interrupt, in a subconscious attempt to clear the tension and seriousness that was swilling around them.</p><p>"Are you pregnant again?" she laughed</p><p>"No…no" Santana brought her hand up and laughed nervously, looking down at her feet "It's not that"</p><p>She brought her eyes back up to Brittany again, bringing the seriousness back.</p><p>"It's just that…I've known you for almost my whole life, and you've always been so strong. Done exactly what you believe, and never cared about what anyone else thought of you"</p><p>"You're super strong too San, more than you realise" Brittany replied tenderly</p><p>Santana took a deep breath and swallowed.</p><p>"Brittany…" she looked down and paused for a few long moments, before meeting Brittany's aqua eyes again, finding the confidence from within "I love girls…the way that I'm supposed to feel about boys"</p><p>She paused for a moment, to look at Brittany's reaction, but for the first time she couldn't read her. She continued on, wanting to make sure Brittany got it, this was important.</p><p>"I know this will probably come as a shock to you, and believe me, it's been a shock to me too. I only really figured it out properly the other day, and now that I know, I wanted to share it with you because I love you so much. I want you to know me, and who I really am. It's just...something that's always been inside of me, but until I unlocked it, I never saw it. But now I see, clear as day."</p><p>Brittany swallowed, her heart racing. Had Santana been feeling everything she had been feeling, all this time?</p><p>"When I'm with Dani, I <em>finally</em> understand what people are talking about, when they talk about love and feelings."</p><p>Brittany sat bolt upright, an uneasy jolt ran through her body, like somebody had taken her heart and dropped it to the pit of her stomach.</p><p>"Dani?" she croaked, almost inaudibly. She had never even heard Santana mention a Dani before.</p><p>"I know Brit, I'm sorry there's a lot to fill you in on. Dani is the girl I've been seeing for the past month. The one who's made me realise all these feelings about myself. I would have told you sooner but, it was all so new to me, I really wanted to figure it all out before telling anyone. The other night she…she asked me to be her girlfriend"</p><p>Brittany said nothing, looking down, her breathing heavy. She was still trying to process everything Santana was telling her.</p><p>"At first, I thought it was all just a bit of fun. I mean I've never even kissed another girl before now, let alone dated one"</p><p>Brittany frowned at this. What about when she had kissed her? Sure, the Taylor Swift concert kiss was pretty much just a peck so maybe that didn't count, but the kiss on Santana's 18th was passionate and real. Brittany could still remember how Santana's lips felt and tasted all those years later. She surmised that maybe Santana just wasn't counting it because they had been so drunk, and they were best friends, but it stung.</p><p>"But now I've realised that I really, <em>really</em> like her Brit." Santana continued "And for years I've subconsciously pushed this feeling of being attracted to women away, and I've tried pushing down this thing I have with Dani, but it just feels like I'm fighting with myself. I don't wanna fight anymore…I have to just be me"</p><p>By now Santana was emotional, but she also felt like a weight had been lifted. She hadn't planned to get so vulnerable with Brittany, but at the same time she wasn't surprised, she was the only person she could fully be like that with. Realising Brittany hadn't said much as she sat in what looked to be a state of shock, processing everything, Santana spoke again.</p><p>"Say something please?"</p><p>Brittany closed her eyes to stop the tears from falling, sitting with her thoughts for a minute. She was feeling a lot of emotions all at once. She was of course happy for Santana, and so proud of her for being so honest, but she was also shocked. She'd always assumed Santana was straight, and it was the main reason she'd never confessed her own feelings for her. It was one of those bittersweet feelings of 'if I'd known then, what I know now'. Could things have been different for them? But then she thought how Santana had completely brushed off their first kiss. Clearly, she felt nothing. Just because she was into girls, didn't mean she'd be into Brittany. But what did Dani have, that Brittany didn't? Was she going to lose her? It was all just a bitter pill to swallow, but Brittany knew she had to push all of this aside and be there for Santana. She opened her teary eyes, to meet anxious brown orbs staring back at her.</p><p>"I'm so proud of you"</p><p>That was all it took for Santana to burst into relieved tears, Brittany instinctively running over to take the hysterical girl into her arms. She gently shushed her, rocking her back and forth, placing soft comforting kisses on her head.</p><p>"It's okay San, it's okay, it's okay"</p><p>When she felt strong enough, Santana pulled out of the embrace to look at Brittany.</p><p>"I was so scared you were going to think differently of me. I don't know why because, you're the most supportive best friend ever, but I was just so worried about what you were going to think"</p><p>"Why would you ever worry about that silly?" Brittany asked softly, reaching up to wipe Santana's tears "I've always told you that I will love you unconditionally, and I meant it. It doesn't matter who you are, or who you love, as long as you're happy"</p><p>Santana smiled, and moved into hug Brittany again. Brittany considered telling Santana about her own sexuality, and how she had realised she was bisexual many years ago, thinking it may comfort her in some way. Then she decided against the idea, this was Santana's moment, and she didn't want to over shine that in any way. Instead she settled for running her hand up and down Santana's arm, knowing it would comfort her, and telling her how amazing she was.</p><hr/><p>The next day, Brittany had needed to work all day. She had told Santana to go off and enjoy the city, but Santana had insisted she come to work with her instead. Every minute together was precious. After a long day, Brittany collected her belongings and went into the dressing room to freshen up, Santana following behind her.</p><p>"Sorry that today was a long one" Brittany yawned</p><p>"I will never ever get tired of watching you dance; you know that Brit" Santana smiled "and seeing bits of the show was great. Mila is going to die when she sees it, you know how much she loves Princess Jasmine"</p><p>"I can't wait for her to see it. I'll make sure to give her a full backstage tour, and she can fly on the magic carpet" Brittany's eyes lit up, thinking how much Mila was going to love it.</p><p>"She would LOVE that" Santana replied, echoing Brittany's thoughts.</p><p>"How about I freshen up a bit and we go grab some dinner?" Brittany asked, turning towards the mirror and running her hands through her hair "God I look such a state"</p><p>"You look beautiful" Santana insisted "But yes, dinner sounds perfect"</p><hr/><p>When Brittany had changed and freshened up a bit, they headed out to a small Italian restaurant that Brittany knew. She had never taken Santana before, but she knew she would love it. As they fell into a comfortable chat over their wine, whilst waiting for their food, Santana's phone vibrated. As always, she checked it straight away, in case it was her mom messaging about Mila. As she read the message, a smile crept on her lips, which didn't go unnoticed by Brittany.</p><p>"Mila?" Brittany questioned</p><p>"No…Dani actually" Santana said, still smiling and looking down at the phone, before turning her attention back to Brittany "just asking how my day was"</p><p>Brittany swallowed the lump in her throat and plastered a smile on her face. She had no right to be feeling jealous like this, especially not when she was in a committed relationship where she was about to extend their family, something she had yet to mention to Santana. She had always said loving someone meant letting them go, and that was what she needed to do here. Santana was finally happy, and there's no way she was going to let her feelings ruin that. It was just proving extra hard, because since learning Santana was a lesbian, her feelings seemed to have increased ten-fold. Maybe it was because she seemed less out of reach now? But still, Brittany knew it was a hopeless cause.</p><p>"So…you're going to make things official with her?" Brittany asked, making sure to keep her tone light.</p><p>"I think so yes…I mean…I really want to, but it's just Mila I worry about. You know how she's been about the whole 'wanting a dad thing'. It's always just been me and her too, it feels weird bringing a third person in"</p><p>"Listen, I know my own goddaughter, and I know that all that little girl wants is to see her mama happy. So, if that's with Dani, then that's what you need to pursue. You've accepted that you can't feel that way with men, so that means the only way Mila gets a daddy is if you're being inauthentic with yourself. You think that's what she wants?"</p><p>Santana shook her head, Brittany had a point.</p><p>"The only person responsible for Mila not having a dad, is that absolute jerk Puck. But look, his loss, on not being part of the life of the most beautiful, sweet, funny little girl I know. Meels is always going to feel so loved, I promise you that. So don't stop living your life because of fear, because it's not what Mila would want. She's just a little girl, she doesn't even understand gay and straight, but she understands love. That's all she wants for her mama San, trust me"</p><p>Santana smiled warmly, touched by Brittany's words.</p><p>"Thanks Brit. You always know the right things to say to make me feel better" said Santana, taking Brittany's hand and giving it a squeeze. "I think I will go for it; I mean I've got this far in accepting it now and telling you and Quinn. I think when I get back, I'll arrange a date day where Mila comes along and meets Dani, even if I just introduce her as a friend. I wanna make sure they click first, before making things official"</p><p>Brittany couldn't help the pang of jealousy, at the thought of the three of them hanging out together and having family days out. She suppressed the feeling with a smile.</p><p>"That's understandable San"</p><p>They were interrupted by the waiter bringing over their food. Seafood Linguine for Santana, and a classic Ragu Bolognese for Brittany. They both tucked into their food, and fell into a comfortable silence, before Santana broke it.</p><p>"How about you though? Are you happy with Den still? Things are all still going good there?"</p><p>Brittany twirled her spaghetti around her fork. There was so much she could have told Santana, about the distance that grew between them each year, Denver's belittling of her, the baby they were now trying for even though Brittany didn't feel at all ready. She knew it was a lot though, and she didn't want to dampen their evening. She really did want to make a go of things with Denver, especially since recently his moods had gotten better, he'd been treating her nice again. She knew telling Santana would change everything, because Santana would encourage her to leave him. Santana had always been so protective of her, and Brittany's partners never met up to Santana's expectations. Denver had only just made the cut, due to the longevity in the relationship, but secretly Santana had always thought Brittany could do so much better than dull and conservative Denver.</p><p>"Yeah…yeah things are great" said Brittany, refusing to meet Santana in the eye, she knew how well the girl could read her.</p><p>"Brit…?" Santana frowned, sensing the blonde was hiding something. Brittany looked up at Santana, knowing she needed to be more convincing.</p><p>"No honestly San, we are so happy. I'm lucky that, no matter how hectic life gets, I always have him to come home to at the end of the day" Brittany smiled.</p><p>And for the first time ever, Santana wasn't so sure if she believed Brittany. Sensing now wasn't the right time to pry anymore, she left it, but made a mental note to bring it up again later on in the trip.</p><hr/><p>After their meal, Brittany and Santana had decided to head to a bar for a drink. One drink had turned into several, and they found themselves stumbling into Brittany's house past midnight, giggling away like school children again.</p><p>As they walked into the kitchen for a night cap, Brittany was alarmed to see Denver sitting up at the table, whiskey in hand. He wasn't drunk but he'd had a couple, and if Brittany knew anything by his demeanour, he certainly wasn't happy. He turned to look at them both, stern faced, as he coolly raised the glass up to his lips to take a sip.</p><p>"San erm…why don't you go through to the living room, and I'll bring out drinks through in a moment" said Brittany. She didn't want Santana to be witness to a Denver style kick off.</p><p>Santana stared between them both. She wasn't sure she wanted to leave Brittany, but she also knew it wasn't her business. Brittany was a big girl, and she knew her own boyfriend. She reached out to place a reassuring pat on Brittany's shoulder, before heading out and into the living room, keeping her ear close to the door to hear the goings on.</p><p>"What time do you call this then?"</p><p>Brittany said nothing, looking down, so Denver continued again.</p><p>"What time do you call this then, eh?"</p><p>Brittany felt the tears prick her eyes as she began to apologise.</p><p>"I'm sorry I just…"</p><p>"Do you have any idea how worried I've been? Thinking something had happened to you. I called the theatre, and they said you left hours ago. No messages, no phone calls, no nothing"</p><p>"Den I'm sorry, I didn't realise how late it had gotten, time just ran away with me. After work, Santana and I went for food, and then we ended up going to a bar and getting carried away. I'm so sorry, you know I would never want to worry you"</p><p>"Well why didn't you call or text?" he hissed angrily, holding up his cell "22 times I called you, and all I got was damn voicemail"</p><p>Brittany pulled out her phone, only to realise her battery had died. She felt so guilty, she really should have called. She just hadn't noticed her battery had died; she was so caught up in the night she hadn't really checked her phone at all. She just assumed Denver would know she was out having fun with Santana. She stepped forward to touch Denver.</p><p>"Baby please I…"</p><p>"There you go again, trying to manipulate me into feeling sorry for you. You're in the wrong Brittany, and you know it. How do I know you've not been with another guy tonight?"</p><p>Brittany laughed incredulously, never had Denver ever suspected her of cheating before, she couldn't believe what she was hearing.</p><p>"Denver come on…"</p><p>"DON'T laugh at me" Denver replied "DO NOT laugh at me Brittany, I swear"</p><p>Brittany gulped. For the first time, she actually felt quite scared of Denver, rather than just humiliated.</p><p>Santana had her ears pressed to the door with a frown, she couldn't hear any of what was being said, but she could hear voices starting to raise. She opened the door and began to walk towards the kitchen to make sure Brittany was okay.</p><p>"Denver, I love you, why would I ever want to do anything that jeopardies that, I…"</p><p>"Well I don't know Brit" Denver sniggered, interrupting her "Santana likes to whore it about, maybe you were just copying her"</p><p>"Don't speak about her like that!" Brittany warned, finding her voice.</p><p>"Now we have touchy to add to your list of shortcomings" Denver scoffed "you must be even more stupid than I thought, thinking that you'd come home and say sorry and I'd just forgive you like that."</p><p>Santana gasped, as she neared the kitchen in time to hear Denver's last line, she quickened her pace.</p><p>Brittany looked down, her tears spilling everywhere.</p><p>"Look at me while I'm talking to you. It's the least you could do after…" Denver spat, before being interrupted by a furious Santana.</p><p>"WHAT did you just say to her?"</p><p>"Santana, I'd appreciate if you'd leave me to speak to my girlfriend. This is our business, not yours" Denver stated firmly, his voice suddenly calm.</p><p>"Oh no, you see it became my business when you raised your voice at my best friend and called her stupid" said Santana, vastly walking over to place a protective arm around Brittany, shielding her with her body.</p><p>"She is stupid. She goes out all night, doesn't call, doesn't even send me a text. Don't you think as her boyfriend I deserve to know at least if she's okay? I've been worried sick all night"</p><p>"What and that makes it okay for you to speak to her like shit?"</p><p>"Psh…whatever I'm going to bed" Denver said, heading out the door, Santana let go of Brittany to follow him. As she reached the door, she took a hold of the handle;</p><p>"If I ever hear you speak like that to Brittany again, I swear Denver, your life won't even be worth living" she hissed quietly, before shutting the door in his face, and rushing back over to Brittany. There was so much more she could have said to him, but she knew her attention needed to focus on Brittany. The blonde was still standing in the middle of the kitchen sobbing.</p><p>"Come on, come on let's go to bed. Stay with me in the guest bedroom" Santana said, leading Brittany out of the kitchen and up the stairs. It was a four-bedroom house, so they could easily have had their own rooms still, but Santana thought Brittany would want the comfort tonight.</p><p>Without speaking, Santana tenderly removed Brittany's makeup, before tending to her own. She pulled out a spare sleep shirt and handed it to Brittany, since all of Brittany's stuff was in her room where Denver was. When they were ready for bed, they crawled under the covers, and Santana held Brittany tight. She stroked her hair and whispered soothing words, waiting for her sobs to subside. When they had, she decided to get off her chest what needed to be said.</p><p>"I didn't like what I heard tonight Brittany. That's not how anyone should speak to you. Certainly not your boyfriend who loves you"</p><p>Brittany sniffed and rubbed her nose.</p><p>"You know you can tell me anything Brit, don't you?" Santana continued, trying a different tactic to get Brittany to open up.</p><p>"I know, I know that" Brittany smiled, breaking her silence "Den was just upset because he was worried something bad had happened, he just lost his temper that's all"</p><p>"And does he lose his temper a lot like that?" Santana pressed.</p><p>Brittany shook her head firmly. It wasn't exactly a lie. Denver didn't lose his temper so much, he belittled her and tried to police her too much, but he rarely raised his voice. Cool and calculated was more his style.</p><p>Seeing a new side to Denver, and such a vulnerable side to her best friend, Santana had to ask something that was niggling away at her. Just to be sure.</p><p>"I just…I… have to ask, he's never tried to hit you before or anything, has he?"</p><p>Brittany shook her head even firmer.</p><p>"No. Never"</p><p>And she wasn't lying, Denver had never turned physical, and she didn't think he ever would.</p><p>"And he's never spoken to you like that before?"</p><p>Brittany shook her head a third time, this time it was a lie, that she hoped Santana wouldn't see through. She didn't want to give up on Denver, he was still her lovely boyfriend, and he hadn't shown his nastier side in ages. She theorised the reason he was upset tonight, was her fault. She should have made sure to text him. He was bound to be worried.</p><p>Santana stared at Brittany for a few moments, trying to read her. She wasn't sure she believed her, and she was going to press her more on this. She decided to leave it for tonight though, Brittany was emotional and needed her sleep. She had work again tomorrow.</p><p>"You know he's so wrong though, right? There's nothing even remotely stupid about you" Santana soothed, planting a soft kiss on Brittany's nose before pulling back to smile at her "You're a genius Brittany".</p><p>"Thanks San" Brittany let out a small smile "And please don't worry. Denver will be fine and by tomorrow, he'll be apologising a bunch. He was just really upset and worried, that's all"</p><p>Santana sighed, taking Brittany's word for it, but only for now.</p><p>"Get some sleep Brit"</p><p>With that, Brittany turned over in Santana's arms, Santana squeezing her even tighter, so she was spooning her.</p><p>"Night Sanny, love you!"</p><p>"I love you too Brit"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day, Denver had left for work early, so not to bump into Brittany beforehand. Brittany hadn't heard from him all day and was under firm instruction from Santana not to text him first. Santana had gone to work with Brittany again, popping out briefly to pick up a little gift for her.</p><p>When they had wrapped up for the day, Santana walked over to Brittany and presented her with the gift bag.</p><p>"Just a little something to make you smile" said Santana, hoping the gesture would pick her up.</p><p>Brittany's face lit up, as she opened the bag containing a bag of her favourite sweets, a small slice of raspberry and white chocolate cake, and a Jasmine scented candle from Bath and Body Works.</p><p>"I love it, thank you so much babe. That's definitely put a smile on my face" Brittany smiled, reaching out to give Santana a hug.</p><p>The two of them headed home to get ready for the night. At midnight, it would be Santana's birthday, so they were heading out to a rooftop pool party at Dream Hotel Downtown. It was a chance for them to truly let their hair down, and Brittany had managed to get tomorrow off work, putting more hours in on Friday instead when Santana would be heading back to Lima.</p><p>Brittany decided to text Denver, not to apologise, but simply to let him know she wouldn't be home until late and not to wait up. She had learned from her mistakes last time, but she made sure to keep the message extra blunt.</p><hr/><p>The night was in full swing, and both girls were drunk and having the time of their lives. Brittany was still sober enough to keep track of the time, ready to wish Santana a happy birthday.</p><p>"One minute to go San!" Brittany cheered, raising her red cup filled with gin and tonic in the air. Santana giggled at the girl's adorableness, drunkenly wrapping her arm around her. As Brittany stared at her phone, she squeezed Santana enthusiastically.</p><p>"This is it! The big countdown" she said, counting down to Santana's birthday like it was New Year's Eve, much to Santana's amusement.</p><p>"10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…HAPPY BIRTHDAY SANNY!" she shouted enthusiastically, drunkenly scooping the smaller girl up into her arms, Santana's legs wrapped tight around her waist as they laughed hysterically together. As she placed Santana back down, Santana lost her footing, and fell into the pool behind her.</p><p>Brittany raised her hands to her mouth and gasped, watching as Santana emerged soaking wet, before bursting into a fit of laughter. Santana glared at Brittany for a second, pretending to be angry, before being unable to stifle her laughter any longer. When they had calmed down, Santana swam to the edge of the pool and reached out her hand.</p><p>"Come on, help me out" she laughed. Brittany stepped forward to take Santana's hand, but before she could help pull her up, Santana took her by surprise and yanked on her arm to pull her in.</p><p>Brittany screamed as she hit the water, popping back up again to find a hysterical Santana, as she wiped the water from her eyes.</p><p>"Oh you're <em>so</em> gonna pay for that Lopez!" Brittany grinned, splashing Santana with the water.</p><p>"Come on, come on, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" Santana laughed frantically, shielding herself from Brittany's splashing.</p><p>The two of them stood to observe their drenched attire, as Santana stared at Brittany's white shirt, which had now gone see through, revealing her bra underneath.</p><p>"You're looking way too hot right now Brit" Santana said, pointing at Brittany's shirt.</p><p>Brittany looked down, the energy around them felt charged. She broke the tension by diving forward and picking Santana up, throwing her back down into the water, the two of them exploding into giggles again as they splashed playfully at each other.</p><hr/><p>They finally left the pool and partied on until the early hours of the morning, dancing and laughing together. The sky began to get light, and their clothes dried, Brittany admiring the way Santana's hair had moulded into its natural state. She found the pieces of frizzy baby hair that framed her face, especially adorable.</p><p>As they left the party just before 5am, they decided to walk through the city for a bit, rather than take a cab all the way. Neither of them had ever seen it at this hour before. They walked through The High Line, admiring the street art and taking lots of photos. They grabbed coffee and pastries as they sauntered up the Hudson River, and as they reached Times Square, they watched as the city grew busier with people beginning to file in.</p><p>They walked through Central Park, the spring-time sun now beaming down on their faces, as it was now past 6am.</p><p>"Shall we sit for a bit?" Brittany suggested.</p><p>It seemed a little crazy considering they had been out all night and not slept yet, and they didn't look their best, but right now Brittany didn't care. They never did things like this, and she just wanted to enjoy this moment with her best friend. Santana smiled, taking Brittany's hand and leading her over to a spot on the grass where they could sit. As Brittany lay down, Santana positioned herself on top of Brittany's stomach, resting gently on her. The two of them just enjoying the feeling of happiness that swirled around them after a great evening, listening to the birds tweeting, and the distant sound of hustle and bustle.</p><p>"It's strange you know?" Santana sat up, causing Brittany to sit up also, so she could look at her. She leaned back with her legs out, while Santana flipped over on to her stomach in the gap by Brittany's side, their bodies close together.</p><p>"To think I could have lived here and been part of it." Santana continued, Brittany looking at her tenderly "But, I don't regret Mila you know? I mean, how could I? She's…she's the most amazing kid"</p><p>Brittany smiled in agreement.</p><p>"The weird thing is…she reminds me more of you than me" said Santana, her eyes almost vacant, before she brought them up to meet Brittany's again "but that's probably just because I love her"</p><p>They stared at each other, the sun beaming through the narrow gap between them, when Santana found herself inching in. She didn't know what was happening, all she knew was something was pulling her towards Brittany's lips in that tender and sweet moment. Brittany slowly closed her eyes, as she felt the energy between them, she could have sworn Santana was moving into kiss her. She so badly wanted to lunge forward and claim Santana's lips with her own. Then, a pang of guilt hit her, as she thought about Denver sitting at home. How hypocritical would she be to kiss Santana, after assuring him only two nights ago she would never cheat on him. She wasn't even sure that's what Santana was going to do, but she had definitely felt a weird energy between them. She turned her head away and cleared her throat. This jolted Santana back to her senses, as she blinked and wondered what on earth she was doing. Definitely too much alcohol, she figured.</p><p>"We should head to find a cab" Brittany smiled, standing up to brush the grass of her, and holding her hand out to Santana to help her up.</p><p>As the two of them began to walk in a content silence through Central Park, Santana thought she would use the opportunity to bring up Denver again.</p><p>"Hey Brit, I wanted to talk to you about Denver again"</p><p>Brittany swallowed and looked down, nervous about what Santana was going to say.</p><p>"I just really want to be sure that things are good between you two" Santana continued "I can't stop thinking about the other night, and how he spoke to you. He just has no right Brit I mean, the whole 'look at me while I'm speaking to you' thing, what was that about?"</p><p>Again, Brittany said nothing, as she continued to stare at her feet.</p><p>"Brit, will you just stop for a second please?" Santana asked gently, standing in front of Brittany and putting her arm out. Brittany stopped with a sigh and met Santana's gaze, allowing Santana to continue.</p><p>"Come on B, talk to me" Santana urged, putting her hands over Brittany's shoulders. Brittany nodded, leading Santana over to the nearest bench.</p><p>"Some days are really great with Den. You know, he treats me so well and we're just…so happy together" Brittany began, struggling to get the words out "but not all days are like that"</p><p>Santana squeezed Brittany's hand firmly, urging her to continue.</p><p>"I guess he gets annoyed at me a lot more easily now. He's stressed with work and…he takes a lot of that out on me"</p><p>"How do you mean?" Santana pressed</p><p>"Like, I don't know he'll just go in moods a lot more than he used to. If I don't have dinner ready for him when he comes home from work, he'll snap at me, just…things like that"</p><p>"But Brit, you work very hard too, you're not a full-time housewife in the 1950s!" Santana frowned, seething at what Brittany was telling her.</p><p>"I know, I know that but…I think since he started working properly, he thinks his job is more important. It's more money and it's how we can afford to live where we live"</p><p>"Woah woah woah…hold up! This is insane Brittany. He has no right to make you feel like your job is inferior to his, just because he earns more money. You've worked damn hard to get where you are"</p><p>Brittany could sense Santana's anger, and she hadn't even told her the worst parts. If Santana knew just how patronising Denver could be towards her, she would hit the roof. She decided to backtrack slightly.</p><p>"I don't think he means it San, like I said, he just gets stressed"</p><p>"It doesn't matter!" Santana sighed exasperated at how Brittany was covering for him, before lowering her voice again "if he loved you like he should, he would never take any of that out on you"</p><p>Brittany looked down; she knew Santana was right, she knew she didn't deserve the depreciating attitude she often got from her boyfriend. But at the same time, she had been conditioned to think she couldn't live without him. She needed him, and so she always clung to their good times.</p><p>"I just want you to be happy Brit, that's all I want" Santana said softly, searching Brittany's eyes.</p><p>Brittany stood up, beckoning for Santana to follow, so they could walk out of the cab to catch a cab.</p><p>"You have to remember Santana; I've been with Denver for almost five years now. I know we like to think of relationships as being full of love and happiness every day but, that's not real life. There's challenges, life gets in the way, stress happens. A relationship is choosing to love someone through all of that, no matter what, and I choose to love Denver. We aren't in the honeymoon period anymore no, but underneath all of that, I love him and we're happy"</p><p>"I disagree" Santana said firmly "loving someone shouldn't be a challenge, and every day spent together should be happy"</p><p>Brittany knew Santana had never been in a long-term relationship to truly know, but she didn't argue with her, Santana was far too stubborn for that.</p><p>"We're going through a bit of a rough patch okay, I'll admit it. But that's all, and for couples who have been together as long as we have, that's not out of the ordinary. I love him and…I want to keep on working things out with him, so if you love me too, you'd accept that"</p><p>"It's your life Brit" Santana shrugged, after a few moments of silence "All I can do is advise you and pick up the pieces if it all goes wrong. But if he ever, <em>ever</em> talks to you the way I heard him the other night, you better tell me about it Brittany. I mean it. I won't have him speak to you like that"</p><p>Brittany smiled at her protective best friend, who she always felt lucky to have.</p><p>"Come on, let's get in this cab and go home" she smiled, gesturing towards the line of waiting taxis.</p><hr/><p>As they stumbled through the door just after 7, they were greeted by Denver in his robe, stood at the top of the stairs. He said nothing, but raised his eyebrows, while Santana looked at him with a stern glare. He turned and went back to the bedroom.</p><p>The two girls headed to bed, after taking some water and painkillers to aid the impending hangover, with Brittany sleeping in the guest room with Santana again. They slept for most of the day, awoken at around 3pm by a knock on the bedroom door.</p><p>Brittany sat up with a frown, Denver wouldn't be home from work yet, while Santana hazily rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Just as Brittany was about to get out of bed and open the door, it opened, revealing Denver carrying two mugs of coffee.</p><p>"I thought if I left you two to sleep much longer, you wouldn't sleep tonight" he smiled, placing the cups down gently on the bedside table, much to the girl's confusion.</p><p>"What are you doing home from work?" Brittany asked with a frown. That was one question, and why Denver was suddenly being nice again was another. Was this his way of an apology?</p><p>"I have a work event to prepare for tonight, so they let me knock off early" he replied "Drink up! Then when you're ready come downstairs, I'm cooking us up something good to help the hangovers" before heading out of the room.</p><p>Brittany and Santana stared at each other in confusion, before reaching out for the much-needed coffee.</p><hr/><p>After they had taken time to drink their coffee's, and get dressed, they walked downstairs to the smell of bacon cooking. They pushed open the kitchen door to find Denver in a good mood, singing along to the radio. He turned to greet them, as he heard the door open, reaching out for the two bunches of flowers he had left on the table.</p><p>"For the birthday girl" he smiled, passing one bunch to Santana</p><p>"And…for my beautiful girlfriend" he continued, passing the second bunch to Brittany and leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek "these ones come with a big sorry"</p><p>Brittany felt the ice melt as she let out a small smile and inhaled the smell of the flowers, but Santana simply cast hers aside with a frown. Brittany might fall for his schmoozing that easily, but she most certainty wouldn't.</p><p>"Sit down girls, food is about to be served" he gestured towards the table. The girls did as he said, and sat at the table, Santana doing everything to bite her tongue.</p><p>"So…I actually managed to score two extra tickets for tonight's event, I thought that both of you would want to come along and join me" said Denver, turning his attention back to the frying pan.</p><p>Brittany scratched her ear nervously, turning to look at Santana, then back to Denver.</p><p>"Den, I would love to, but it's San's birthday…I'm not sure she'll want to spend it at a work event…"</p><p>"Oh, come on Brit! You've always said how much you want to come along to one of these things. Santana will have a great night, free bar, swanky rooftop hotel, law professionals she can network with…"</p><p>Brittany looked at Santana, who offered her a small smile. She wasn't ready to forgive Denver this easy, but she would still go ahead and do whatever Brittany wanted to do. Taking the smile as approval, Brittany turned back to Denver.</p><p>"Okay…sounds great!"</p><p>"Perfect! It starts at 8 so, be ready for 7:30" he smiled, plating up the food and placing it in front of them. As the three of them sat down to eat, he asked them about their day yesterday and made small talk. Santana said nothing, unless Brittany addressed her, of course.</p><p>"You're very quiet today Santana" Denver suddenly said. It was enough for Santana to lose her composure.</p><p>"Yeah well, I'm sorry Denver, but I'm not quite ready to forgive you for the way you talked to Brit the other night. Even this morning, the way you looked at her like she's a badly-behaved teenager when she got in. She's a grown woman, she can do as she likes, and a bunch of flowers and an invite to some flashy event isn't going to change that"</p><p>Denver placed his cutlery down to stare at Santana.</p><p>"I apologised to my girlfriend for my outburst" he said firmly "she understands that I was just very worried. We're trying for a baby, and she's supposed to be cutting back on alcohol to help her conceive, not going out partying all hours of the night and leaving me with no clue where she is. She needs to be more responsible"</p><p>Brittany looked down, bring her hands up to her head and massaging it, preparing for the inevitable reaction from Santana.</p><p>Santana's eyes nearly popped out of her head.</p><p>
  <em>Trying for a baby!?</em>
</p><p>"I'm sorry, what!?" Santana choked, placing her knife and fork down and turning to Brittany in disbelief "A baby?"</p><p>"Oh, did she not tell you? Brittany and I have been trying for a baby in the past month. All being well, we can expect Baby Pierce-Hughes in 2015. Isn't that right darling?"</p><p>Brittany merely looked down, and let out a meek nod, as Santana's stare burned into her.</p><p>"No actually…she didn't tell me that" she laughed incredulously, before taking her plate and heading off upstairs to the guest bedroom to get ready for the night. The tension between them was evident.</p><hr/><p>Santana clutched her glass of wine, lost in her thoughts. She couldn't get her head around the fact Brittany was trying for a baby with a man she was so clearly unhappy with. Not once had she mentioned it when they had brought up Denver, and she knew she could hardly be the one to lecture Brittany about secret pregnancies, but it was more the situation itself that Santana couldn't understand. Her and Brittany were so close and told each other everything, so she would always think that Brittany would have told her when the time had come to try for a baby. But if she had held back telling Santana until she was actually pregnant, Santana would have understood. It was the norm to do it that way really. It was more the fact that Brittany had admitted they were going through a rough patch but had left out the details of trying for a baby, that Santana couldn't understand.</p><p>"Hey" a tap on the shoulder brought her out of her thoughts, she spun around to be greeted by Brittany "Sorry about this, I know it's probably not the most fun. It won't last much longer though" she said, feeling guilty that most of her evening had been spent milling around and being introduced to Denver's colleagues, leaving Santana on her own for the most part.</p><p>Santana didn't have change to reply before Denver dashed over again.</p><p>"Sweetie, Mrs Collins is over there" said Denver pointing excitedly "I'd really like you to meet her. Her husband is a TV producer, currently working on a new dance talent show"</p><p>"Den not now…" Brittany pleaded, glancing towards Santana, she knew she had to make things right with her.</p><p>"But this could be great networking for you Brittany" he pressed, looking at Santana.</p><p>"He's right Brit…" Santana swallowed "Go."</p><p>Taking this as his cue, Denver pulled Santana towards his colleague, as Brittany looked at Santana apologetically.</p><p>She watched them for a while, chatting away animatedly to the woman, Denver's arm wrapped lovingly around Brittany. They looked like the perfect couple, but Santana could see right through it. When she could look no longer, she turned on her heel and began to head out of the building. Brittany turned around to check on Santana and noticed her leaving. Making no apologies to Mrs Collins or Denver, she ran after her, hot on her heels.</p><p>"San? San…Where are you going!?" she shouted after her, catching up with her as they got outside of the building.</p><p>"Anywhere that's not here" Santana shouted back, her anger getting the better of her.</p><p>"Santana wait!" Brittany pleaded, the crack in her voice causing Santana to stop in her tracks.</p><p>Brittany hurriedly ran over to her to stand in front of her, hesitantly placing her hands over Santana's tense shoulders. Santana had tears in her eyes and was refusing to look at her.</p><p>"Is it the baby?" she asked gently "Is that what you're mad about?"</p><p>Santana shifted her gaze to look at Brittany.</p><p>"I can't <em>believe</em> you didn't tell me that."</p><p>Brittany looked down, as Santana continued.</p><p>"I mean we were out the whole night, we had a whole conversation about Denver, and you didn't think once to tell me about the fact that actually, you were trying for a baby with him. Try and work things through, you said, not <em>try</em> for a freakin' baby."</p><p>"Well…you never told me about when you were pregnant with Mila" Brittany snapped back defensively.</p><p>"Don't" Santana said, raising her hand up firmly "Don't even play that card, when you know that was a completely different situation. I was 18 and scared, and the only reason I didn't tell you, was because I didn't want to ruin your future."</p><p>Brittany bit her lip, knowing her comment was out of line.</p><p>"And you really think that's what this is about Brit?" Santana continued "That the reason I'm upset because I didn't know you were trying? Because it's not that at all. It's the fact you're in a mess Brittany. This whole situation is just one big giant mess!"</p><p>"Meaning?" Brittany grew defensive again.</p><p>"You're in denial Brittany. You're not happy, I know you're not and you know you're not. And you're really going to bring a baby into this whole fucked up situation? Do you think that's going to fix things between you two because…really Brit, I don't get it?"</p><p>"Santana you don't understand…"</p><p>"Then <em>make</em> me understand Brit! Because right now this all seems very rash and you're acting like a different person and it's making me sad!" Santana softened towards the blonde, she looked incredibly vulnerable "Having a child, it's hard work Brittany, I mean I should know! The last thing you want to do is bring a baby into a situation, that to me, quite frankly seems toxic. Do you really want to go through with this? Have a baby to try and fix the problem, only to realise it hasn't worked, and you're tied to Denver for life?"</p><p>"Look, San. I appreciate your concern, but we know what we're doing. I'm ready for this baby, and so is he, and we're going to be stronger because of it. Just wait and see"</p><p>"Oh, Brittany wake up!" Santana sighed exasperated bringing her palm up to her face "I think you need somebody who knows you better than you know yourself, to point out what's really going on here. All I see is you trying to compensate for this shitty situation you've found yourself in, by having a baby with someone who treats you like crap"</p><p>Santana's responses were beginning to irritate Brittany. She had expected her to be upset at first, but now that she had told her the truth, why couldn't Santana just be happy for her? She had never called her stupid like Denver, but right now she was insinuating she was, by making out she couldn't make her own life choices. She found herself growing even more defensive.</p><p>"Shitty situation? Alright let's see uhm…stable long-term relationship with gorgeous boyfriend, beautiful home, a great circle of friends, a job that I love, and soon a kid on the way, who's going to have two parents by the way, not one"</p><p>Santana's face fell, and simultaneously, Brittany's filled with instant regret. She hadn't meant to say such a hurtful comment, it had just spilled out. She watched as Santana stepped back from her, eyes filling with disbelief.</p><p>Brittany knew how much it played on Santana's mind about Puck not being in Mila's life, she had always been the one to assure her about it, Santana couldn't believe she would hurt her like that. She turned to walk away.</p><p>"San…Santana come on, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean…" Brittany said frantically, tears beginning to fall thick and fast.</p><p>"Just forget it Brittany!" Santana span around, tears matching Brittany's "Go ahead and carry on with your perfect family life. Just don't come crying to me when it all goes wrong"</p><p>And with that, she stormed off into the distance, leaving Brittany crying harder than she'd ever cried before.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>8 weeks later</strong>
</p><p>Brittany stared at her phone; her thumb hovering over the call button. It was ironic that the person she wanted to call most about this news, was the person she hadn't spoken to in 8 long weeks.</p><p>
  <em>After they had argued that night back in April, Brittany had chased after Santana, convincing her to go home with her. Santana reluctantly agreed, it wasn't like she had anywhere else to stay, and all of her stuff was at Brittany's so she would have to go back before her flight home the next day. When she had got in, she had gone straight to her room and knowing the Latina needed space, Brittany had returned to her own bedroom with Denver. They had exchanged a few words the next morning, mainly just around the logistics of Santana getting to the airport, but the tension was inevitable. They barely had long to endure the awkwardness though, because Brittany had work and Santana had a cab booked to the airport. They hadn't even hugged goodbye. Brittany felt terrible, she knew she had really hurt Santana, and it was something she never thought she'd do.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany had tried to call and text Santana, but she heard nothing back. She couldn't blame her, what she had said was really hurtful. It was the longest they had gone without speaking, and it was killing Brittany. Why did she have to say something she didn't mean, in a moment of hurt and defensiveness? She threw herself into work and baby-making to keep busy, but she knew she wasn't herself. She'd be returning to Lima for her birthday in August, she could only hope Santana would speak to her then, if she went to her in person.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The only thing keeping her going, was the fact she still got to speak to Mila every night. For the first week, Santana had screened all of Brittany's calls, and whenever Mila asked to speak to her Aunty Brit-Brit, Santana had simply replied "soon sweetheart". But as the week went on, she felt guilty. She knew Mila missed her a lot, and no doubt Brittany would be missing Mila too. She started to let Mila take the iPad every night to FaceTime Brittany, keeping up to their nightly ritual, making sure Brittany had gone before taking the iPad back. A few times, Brittany had stayed on the line and tried to speak as soon as Santana took the iPad, but Santana would simply shut it off. She was far too hurt to speak to her. Mila had questioned why Santana wasn't joining in on their calls, but Santana would always find a way to change a subject. She knew her five-year-old was smart though, and probably suspected something.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was an extremely painful time for both girls.</em>
</p><p>Earlier that morning, Brittany had found out she was pregnant. 4-5 weeks pregnant, according to one of the many tests she had taken. She was shaking when the little window had come up positive, even though she had an instinct. She didn't have any symptoms, but she just knew something felt different. She hadn't told Denver she was doing a test because she knew how disappointed he would be if it came back negative, but now she knew she was, she couldn't wait to tell him.</p><p>But the person she wanted to tell the most, was Santana. She wasn't sure she was ready when her and Den and started trying, but now she had seen the + sign, she suddenly felt overjoyed. It was like she loved the baby, which was just the size of a poppy seed at this point, already. She felt ready, and all she wanted to do was to share her excitement with her best friend.</p><p>As her thumb hovered over the call button still, she thought better of it and sighed sadly. She couldn't conjure up the courage to do it. She knew Santana would probably just decline her call again.</p><p>She turned her thoughts to telling Denver, and how happy he would be to hear the news. She decided to do some online research into pregnancy to busy herself, flipping open Denver's MacBook which was next to her, rather than trailing upstairs for her own.</p><p>She smiled as she read an article about the size of the embryo and what had developed so far, as early on as it was. She felt herself getting quite emotional, was it the hormones already? She continued reading, when an iMessage popped up, catching her attention.</p><p>
  <strong>Still haven't got that money I'm owed?</strong>
</p><p>Brittany frowned. It was from an unsaved number, so she guessed someone had got the wrong number, and carried on reading her article. She trusted Denver wholeheartedly. Then another message popped up.</p><p>
  <strong>I mean it Denver, send it tonight, this isn't fair on Jacob</strong>
</p><p>This alarmed Brittany, clearly it wasn't an unknown number after all, but it was the next message that made her blood run cold</p><p>
  <strong>If you don't, maybe I'll be forced to tell your girlfriend everything?</strong>
</p><p>She went against every instinct she had and checked the message thread. As she scrolled up right to the top, she saw a photo of a new-born baby. She worked out from the woman's messages that she was called Megan. Some of the messages were innocent, but it didn't take a genius to work out what was going on here. Further down Megan had asked for a payment of $700 to cover Jacob for the month, to which Denver had responded:</p><p>
  <strong>Why should I pay maintenance for a child you won't even let me meet?</strong>
</p><p>That was all Brittany needed to see, she slammed the laptop shut and ran upstairs, hurling the entire contents of her stomach up, as her world crashed down around her.</p><p>When she had brought up everything, and regained her composure, she sat on the bathroom floor for what felt like an age. She hugged her legs for comfort, as the tears spilled down. She needed to get out of here.</p><p><strong>I know about Megan and Jacob</strong>.</p><p>She text Denver simply, before pulling up Google and searching for the next flight to Lima.</p><hr/><p>"Go and get another refill Mila if you want some more" Dani urged, pointing over to the ice cream counter with a smile.</p><p>Mila looked at Santana, who nodded her permission. She watched with a sad smile as Mila skipped off, turning her attention back to her own half eaten Ice Cream, twirling the spoon around absent-mindedly.</p><p>"What's wrong babe? I thought you'd love this" Dani asked, noticing how distracted her girlfriend was. She had picked this place specifically as a nice date for them, knowing how partial Santana was to sweet stuff, and how she loved when their plans included Mila.</p><p>"I do, I do, I'm sorry" Santana smiled, feeling guilty "It's just…me and Brit tend to come here a lot with Mila. Or we used to anyway…" she trailed off.</p><p>Dani couldn't help but let out a sigh. She loved her girlfriend but, she couldn't help but notice her misery growing as the weeks went on. She almost felt jealous, about how much this best friend of hers clearly meant to her.</p><p>
  <em>Santana had cried the whole flight back to Lima. She hadn't even hugged Brittany goodbye, and she felt terrible, seeing how crushed Brittany was as she walked off and got into the cab without a second glance. She was just so hurt. The thing was, that she knew Brittany didn't mean it. She knew she had said it without thinking and as a defence mechanism. She knew that as soon as the words flew out of her mouth, she had regretted it. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She wanted to call Brittany the moment she had landed and tell her she was sorry too, and they could put everything behind them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She wanted to call her on the Sunday, when she had introduced Dani to Mila for the first time, to tell her how well it had gone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She wanted to call her the week after that when she had plucked up the courage to come out to her parents, to laugh about how her mom had simply said "Oh Santana, you really think I didn't know from the time you went trick or treating as Uncle Jesse from Full House?" She knew Brittany would find that funny, as she was with her as always. Brittany had helped cut her hair for her to perfect the mullet, much to Maribel's horror when she found them both grinning mischievously with the scissors.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She wanted to call her two weeks later with happy tears, when she had sat Mila down and explained to her that Dani wasn't just her friend, but her girlfriend. She'd explained to her all about love being between two people, and that could be between a man and a woman, a woman and a woman, or a man and a man. It didn't matter as long as both people were happy. In true Mila style, she'd amazed Santana by being wiser than her years "But I already know that Mama! Alexis has two daddies!" she giggled, referring to a girl from her pre-school, turning her attention back to her drawing unfazed. "So…you are happy and okay with this Moo?" Mila stopped her drawing to look at Santana again "Are you happy Mama?" Santana nodded smiling "entonces yo también soy feliz" Mila replied, turning her attention back to her drawing once more. Santana felt her heart could burst, Brittany was right, all Mila cared about was her mother's happiness.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She wanted to call her last week with sad tears, when she'd had dinner with her Abuela, and told her all about Dani and her new-found sexuality. She knew she was deeply religious, so she wasn't expecting a rainbow parade to be thrown for her, but she didn't expect her to kick her out of her house and tell her she never wanted to see her again. She didn't expect her to say that her feelings were a sin, that should have been kept secret. She so badly wanted Brittany's comfort that night.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She wanted to call her in the smaller moments too. Just general chit-chat, to hear about her day, to gossip about the latest episode of Real Housewives.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She missed her desperately, but the longer they went without speaking, the harder it was to reach out. Even though Brittany called her every day, and she could easily answer, she was just too stubborn for her own good at times.</em>
</p><hr/><p>That evening, she was sat with her thoughts and a glass of wine, when she checked her watch and noticed it was nearing Mila's bedtime. She was already in bed and would be on FaceTime to Brittany by now. Brittany knew Mila's bedtime was at 7:30, so she was pretty good at ending the call before Santana got there, apart from the few times she had tried to stay on and speak to her. It was 7:25 and deciding she could do with hearing Brittany's voice tonight, she crept upstairs. She wouldn't speak to her of course, just simply listen to the voice she missed so much. She had done this on a few occasions, without Mila and Brittany knowing, entering the room as soon as she heard the call disconnect.</p><p>As she got to Mila's room and peeped around the door, she noticed the little girl sitting with a frown and staring at her iPad, no sign of Brittany's voice.</p><p>"Meels?" Santana questioned, walking into her daughter's room, wondering what she was doing.</p><p>"Aunty Brit won't answer my FaceTime" Mila pouted, holding up the iPad to show the unavailable screen. "I tried lots of times"</p><p>Santana looked at the iPad to check Mila had been calling right, which she had.</p><p>"Aw baby, she must be busy tonight" Santana smiled sympathetically, tucking Mila's hair behind her ear.</p><p>Sometimes Brittany had to do later shifts at work, so maybe that was it, but Santana thought it was weird that Brittany hadn't said. She would always text to let them know, so not to let Mila down, even when they weren't speaking. She hoped Brittany was okay.</p><p>"But I miss her" Mila pouted</p><p>"I know you do honey, you'll get to speak to her tomorrow. But for now, I need you to close your eyes and have some sweet dreams"</p><p>"I want to see her in person" Mila moaned</p><p>"Come on" said Santana, avoiding the question and pulling the covers tight over Mila, and taking the iPad from her "time for sleep now <em>mi amor</em>"</p><p>"Okay" Mila sighed, as she and Santana proceeded to do their nightly ritual in saying goodnight to each other. When they had finished, she switched out the main light, making sure to leave the night light on before retreating back downstairs. She picked up her wine and checked her phone, debating whether or not to call Brittany to check everything was okay. She was startled by a frantic knock at the door.</p><p>"Who on earth could that be?" she said to herself, as she set down her wine and went to answer it. She pulled the door open slightly to check who it was, to be met with familiar but sad blue eyes. As soon as she realised who it was, she pulled the door open properly.</p><p>She took in the sight of the crying and dishevelled looking girl.</p><p>"Brittany…what's happened?" she asked concerned, causing the girl to cry harder. She couldn't stand it any longer, she pulled Brittany in with one swift movement, holding her close and comforting her.</p><p>"It's okay, it's okay Brit, I'm here…it's gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay"</p><hr/><p>After a few minutes, Santana moved them inside, being sure to not let go of the fragile girl. She ushered them over to the couch, gently sitting them down, using her hand to rub soothing patterns up Brittany's back.</p><p>"Can you tell me what's happened Brit?" she asked gently. She wasn't sure she'd ever seen her look so distraught before.</p><p>Brittany sniffed and opened her mouth to speak, before her emotions got the better of her, and she broke into a fresh wave of tears.</p><p>"Brit you're really starting to scare me now" Santana pressed, her concern growing by the minute.</p><p>"It's Denver…" Brittany gulped through her tears.</p><p><em>"Should have known"</em> Santana thought angrily. She knew this was all going to end in heart ache for Brittany.</p><p>"What's he done Brittany?" Santana asked firmly, thinking of all the ways she could hurt Denver in her head.</p><p>"He…he's been cheating on me" Brittany admitted looking down. Santana jolted in shock. She wasn't expecting that.</p><p>"WHAT!? I swear to God, I'll kill him"</p><p>"It's not the worst of it" Brittany laughed sadly, as Santana looked at her quizzically, urging her to continue.</p><p>"He has a five-month-old child, that he's been keeping secret this whole time"</p><p>Santana felt her body stiffen. She was furious that he could do this to her best friend. She thought Brittany was going to say he'd had another episode of talking to her like crap, but this!?</p><p>"That absolute piece of <em>shit</em>. I KNEW he wasn't good enough for you. Oh, you just wait until I see him Brit, I'm not letting him get away with treating you like this. No way, not this time!" she raged uncontrollably, her temper getting the better of her. Then she noticed how vulnerable Brittany looked. She didn't need to hear this right now, she needed comfort instead. Her body language softened as she turned to Brittany, reaching out to take her hand.</p><p>"Sorry. I know that's not helpful" she said, giving Brittany's hand a gentle squeeze "start from the beginning, tell me everything"</p><hr/><p>So, Brittany told her about the messages she had found on Denver's MacBook, how she had ignored them at first, but then curiosity had gotten the better of her. The way she had instantly thrown up when she found them, and how after an hour solid of crying on the bathroom floor, she had booked the next flight to Lima.</p><p>"I just I…I can't believe it" Santana said, after Brittany had relayed everything "And there were no signs or anything? Nothing that lead you to suspect he was cheating?"</p><p>"Not at all" Brittany shook her head "I just trusted him. I guess now in hindsight, I could point out how he worked late nights, and worked away a lot but…I don't really know. I believed him when he said it was work. I never would have known without finding those messages, that's what scares me"</p><p>"Oh Brit, I'm so sorry" said Santana, taking Brittany into a hug. Her heart was aching for her.</p><p>"It's okay, I mean it's not your fault" Brittany laughed slightly, wiping the tears from her cheek "I'm sorry for barging in on you like this it's just…as soon as I found out, I needed you. And I know things have been weird between us this past…"</p><p>Santana gently raised her hand stopping her</p><p>"You are, and you always will be, the most important person to me aside from Mila. No stupid fight is ever going to change that. Whatever happens between us, I'd always be there for you, and I know you'd be there for me too. I'm so glad you came here"</p><p>Brittany smiled relieved, pulling Santana back into another hug.</p><p>"I really, really missed you"</p><p>"I missed you too" Santana replied, sincerely, her hands stroking down Brittany's back. By now the two of them were emotional, as they pulled apart and stared at each other through their tears. Santana let out a small laugh.</p><p>"Look at us" she sighed humorously, wiping the tears from both of their faces, before turning the conversation serious again.</p><p>"So, have you spoken to Denver properly?"</p><p>Brittany let out a sad sigh. For a moment there, she had been so happy in Santana's arms, she had almost forgotten this awful predicament she had found herself in.</p><p>"Not properly no" she shook her head "After I text him that I knew, I switched off my phone until I landed here, and when I turned it back on again I had a million messages from him. I text him to say I'd come to Lima for a few days to clear my head, and not to contact me, and that I'd reach out to him when I was ready. I don't want to hear from him right now, but I didn't want him to worry too much about where I'd gone and call the police or something" she shrugged.</p><p>Santana nodded her understanding.</p><p>"What are you doing about work?" she asked</p><p>"I just took some emergency unpaid leave. The Assistant Choreographer has it covered because at this point, we're only making minimal changes. I explained everything to the director over the phone, and he was pretty understanding about the situation. Turns out he could relate because his ex-husband is also a cheat. Men hey?" she laughed sarcastically, trying to make light of the situation.</p><p>The jokes didn't last long, and her face fell, as she thought about the situation at hand.</p><p>"Oh San, what am I going to do?" she sighed sadly, tears threatening to fall once again.</p><p>Santana rubbed Brittany's arm sympathetically. Her heart felt like it could break into tiny pieces, seeing and hearing Brittany be this vulnerable. She was usually always so strong. She knew what she wanted Brittany to do; leave the cheating bastard. But she also knew this wasn't helpful, and Brittany had to make her own decisions about things.</p><p>"You don't have to rush into anything Brit. Just take your time to process everything and think things through. You don't need to decide that right now" she said softly.</p><p>Brittany looked down and bit her lip, before locking Santana in an intense gaze.</p><p>"It's a little more complicated than that…" she sighed "I found out earlier today that…I'm pregnant"</p><hr/><p>Santana's eyes searched Brittany's, trying to read how she was feeling about all of this. She guessed it would be bittersweet news for her, given the new circumstances she found herself in. A wave of emotion suddenly overtook Santana. Her best friend was having a baby.</p><p>"Brittany…" she gushed, half of sympathy for the situation, half amazement for this special news. She rushed forward to envelope Brittany in a hug. Deciding that regardless of the sad circumstances Brittany had found herself, this was still amazing precious news that need to be celebrated, Santana pulled back to look at Brittany with a smile.</p><p>"Congratulations…" she whispered; eyes full of emotion.</p><p>"Thank you" Brittany smiled, closing her eyes, taking in the feeling of saying it out loud for the first time "you're the first person that knows. I'm only early on, 4-5 weeks the test estimates. My baby is apparently the size of a Poppy seed right now" she chuckled tearfully. It was the first time she had said 'my baby', and despite the ache inside her heart, it made her feel all warm inside.</p><p>"Your <em>first</em> baby" Santana poured, instinctively reaching out to touch Brittany's non-existent baby bump. She watched as Brittany smiled in agreement, before hurt flashed over her face.</p><p>"Shame it won't be Denver's first baby" she looked down, Santana gently squeezing her hand to comfort her. She couldn't even imagine how it must have felt for Brittany, to finally find out she was expecting a child with the person she loved after all their planning, then finding out on the same day he had been unfaithful to her and already had a baby to somebody else.</p><p>"I was so excited to tell him San. Then I found what I found, and now I don't even want him to know" Brittany laughed sadly "I'm not even angry I'm just…so sad"</p><p>Santana smiled sadly, that was so Brittany. She rarely got angry, defensive sometimes, but never really angry. That was more of a trait she had in herself, whilst Brittany usually expressed herself through sadness. Santana loved and hated that trait at the same time. She loved it because she thought it was amazing how Brittany would always manage to stay calm and rational and positive about things. She was so kind, so if she ever was angry, you knew it was valid. But she hated it because, seeing her best friend upset tore her up inside, and made her feel helpless.</p><p>"You're allowed to feel however you want to feel Brit. You've been through a lot these past 24 hours" Santana stated softly, taking hold of the blonde's left hand and bring it up to her lips, placing a reassuring kiss there.</p><p>"You were right" Brittany smiled sadly "I shouldn't have brought a baby into a messy situation like this"</p><p>Santana eyes widened in a frantic panic to reassure the blonde</p><p>"No Brittany come on; I shouldn't have said that. I was just worried about you, and the reasons why you were doing it. I mean, it's a big thing, y'know. Life changing. I didn't want you to do something like that just to make your relationship better and be left disappointed if it didn't work" Santana raised Brittany's head up, placing her hands firmly on the sides of her face, forcing her to look at her "But I have never doubted your ability to be a mother. You were born to do this job, more so than I ever was. I always knew that whatever situation a baby was born into, that with you as a mother, they'd flourish. You know how I always believe everything happens for a reason, so clearly you were meant to become a mother at this time. And I know after everything, you might not feel ready, but trust me you were born ready. So please don't doubt yourself if you want to raise this baby without Denver. Screw him. You don't need him, you never have. And I promise that I am going to be right behind you every step of the way. You'll never be alone babe, no matter what you decide to do about Den"</p><p>Silent tears slipped down Brittany's face, at Santana's soft words, which Santana caught with her thumbs.</p><p>"Thank you" Brittany whispered, too overwhelmed to say anything more.</p><p>Santana leaned forwards to take Brittany into her arms again, stroking her hair to soothe her. She was pretty sure Brittany would want to keep the baby, considering she had planned it and had been excited this morning Googling all about embryo development and how big the baby would be at this stage. She didn't want her excitement to be clouded by Denver's stupid actions, and for her to think she couldn't have this baby without him, which is why she had said what she'd said. But she also felt the need to let Brittany know, that she'd support her on whatever decision she made.</p><p>"You know of course, you have options, and I'll be by your side whatever you choose" she whispered into Brittany's ear, still holding her close. She didn't want to say the exact wording of abortion or adoption. She knew Brittany would understand what she meant.</p><p>Brittany pulled away to look at Santana, wiping her face with her sleeve and shaking her head.</p><p>"No, I want to keep this baby" she said determined</p><p>"I thought that's what you would want" Santana nodded with a smile "But I had to let you know that I'll support you whatever"</p><p>Brittany flashed Santana a grateful smile, before Santana kissed her own fingertips, placing them under Brittany's shirt and pressing them gently on her stomach.</p><p>"Little baby Poppy seed is <em>so</em> loved already"</p><hr/><p>They lay in bed together that night in silence. In the morning it was agreed that Santana would take Brittany to the doctors to get properly checked over, and then Brittany would go home and visit her parents. She hadn't even told them she was back in Lima yet. The rest, they would take as it came. Santana had her arm wrapped around Brittany, her thumb softly caressing the skin of her hip as she watched her sleep, feeling more protective than ever now she knew there was a baby Brittany inside of her and also because of how vulnerable she was at the moment. She looked so peaceful; the emotions of the day not evident on her face. The two of them had no choice but to sleep in Santana's bed, being that she only had a two-bedroom apartment and the other room was Mila's. But even if she had a 10-bed mansion, she would have made sure to stay with Brit tonight.</p><p>"San?" Brittany called, startling Santana. She was so sure the blonde was asleep.</p><p>"Yeah Brit, I'm right here" she squeezed, assuming she just needed extra comfort, but then Brittany span around to face her properly.</p><p>"I want you to know how sorry I am, for what I said on the night we argued" she said, staring at Santana intensely, so she could apologise with her eyes as well. Santana looked away from the intense aqua gaze to shake her head.</p><p>"Brit no it's behind us, you don't need…"</p><p>"Please Santana I do" Brittany said firmly "I need to say it for you, and for me, so please just let me say what I want to say" she pleaded, gently turning Santana's head back to look at her. Her eyes closed at Brittany's touch, but she opened them again when she felt Brittany's gaze fixated on her.</p><p>"Okay" she nodded</p><p>"What I said that night" Brittany sighed to regain her composure, thinking about that night was enough to start the tears off again "was just completely untrue. I never meant a word of it, and to be honest, I didn't even know I was saying it until it was out of my mouth. I was just scared San. What you were saying, was all completely right, and I guess it hit a nerve with me and I hit back defensively"</p><p>Santana nodded her understanding</p><p>"You've always been the only person who's ever truly known me. Who can read me like a book, through just a look, no words needed. It's one of my favourite things about you, but on that night, it felt like one of the worst. I wanted to carry on in my deluded bubble, and I knew as the week went on more and more cracks were becoming apparent to you, and that you could see right through everything. But there's no excuses. I shouldn't have lost it like that and said something so cruel. Something I so obviously didn't mean."</p><p>Santana smiled sadly, eyes brimming with tears, as she ran her thumb over Brittany's hand. She didn't even realise she had taken Brit's hand into her own, until now. Brittany removed her hand from Santana's, to place both of her hands on Santana's shoulders. She tenderly twirled the ends of her hair around her fingers as she spoke.</p><p>"I need you to believe me when I say I didn't mean it San. Your love for Mila radiates out of you. She has never needed two parents, and she never will. And if I could be half the Mommy to my baby that you are to Mila, then I'll be overjoyed. She has <em>one</em> perfect Mama, but she's the best Mama in the world"</p><p>Santana swallowed, her emotions getting the better of her now as big thick tears slid down her face at Brittany's words.</p><p>"I'm just so, so sorry San, please forgive me" Brittany's voice cracked. That was it for Santana, she wrapped Brittany up in her arms so tight, feeling the wetness on her shoulder from her tears. She didn't care, she needed Brittany to know she forgave her.</p><p>"I'm sorry too Brit-Brit" Santana replied, her voice thick with emotion "And I'm sorry for letting this stupid argument go on for so long. I knew you didn't mean it. I wanted to call you as soon as I touched back down in Lima"</p><p>"Why didn't you?" Brittany sniffed. The past 8 weeks had been agony for her, and Santana had blocked her every attempt at making amends. Santana just gave Brittany a simple look as if to say 'Come on Brit, you know me well'</p><p>Brittany nodded her understanding. She did know how stubborn Santana could be, especially when she was hurt. She couldn't help but feel cheated for all the weeks they'd missed though, even though it hadn't been that long, it felt like an age to her.</p><p>"The important thing is, we're here now" Santana soothed, the weird telepathy they seemed to share proving itself again.</p><p>They silently embraced for a few more moments, before Brittany asked a question, she was scared to know the answer to.</p><p>"Do you..." she cleared her throat to ease the croakiness and nerves "do you think if I didn't come here over all of this, we would have made up still?"</p><p>Santana looked at Brittany with a steely determination, desperate to put some happiness back into those baby blues. If it was one thing she knew for sure, it was this.</p><p>"Of course." she said simply "whether it would have been a day, a week, a month, a year. We were always going to find out way back to each other"</p><p>"A year!?" Brittany gasped in horror</p><p>"I'm certain it wouldn't have been that long Brit" Santana laughed lightly "I hovered over the call button several times a day, I'm sure it won't have been much longer"</p><p>She turned to move Brittany's hair out of her face, stroking her thumb across her eyebrow to ease the concerned frown.</p><p>"What I'm trying to say" Santana began "Is that no matter what situations we end up in, or how far apart we become, we will always find our way back to each other."</p><p>She held out her pinkie finger, to link with Brittany's.</p><p>"Because you see, there's always going to be an invisible string" Santana circled around their clasped pinkies "tying you to me"</p><p>Brittany's eyes grew glassy, at Santana's beautiful analogy. She always called Brittany a genius, but in Brittany's eyes it was Santana. Despite her tough girl demeanour, she had such a whimsical and fatalistic outlook on life that people rarely got to see, but whenever she did show snippets of it; it was magnificent.</p><p>They had so much to catch up on, but it would wait until tomorrow. For now, they fell asleep contently wrapped around each other, the two of them able to sleep happily again for the first time in 8 weeks.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>You might have already noticed that this story is named after a Taylor Swift song from her Folklore album. Since first listen, I have always thought that song describes the 'Brittana relationship' perfectly, so you might notice little snippets from the story being based around the lyrics of that song as well.</strong>
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  <strong>As always, thank you for reading! Xx</strong>
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  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Chapter 26</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Brittany awoke to the sound of Santana softly calling her name. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and stretched out. She felt well rested and had actually had a good night's sleep considering the circumstances. Being in Santana's arms had made her feel safe and happy, but now she was awake and remembering everything that had happened, things seemed a little harder again. She opened her eyes fully, to see Santana standing there holding out a tray, with just about every breakfast item on it. Fruit, Yoghurt, a bowl of wholegrain cereal, two slices of wholemeal toast and a glass of fresh orange juice.</p><p>"Wow San, you've really gone to town here" Brittany laughed, as Santana placed the tray down on the bed in front of her.</p><p>"Only the best for you and Little Poppy Seed" she smiled, sitting on the edge of the bed before adding "I wasn't sure what you'd like, but all of these are full of nutritional value and great for the baby"</p><p>"Well look at you!" Brittany remarked impressed "Thank you San. But…actually…I'm not really hungry" she looked down</p><p>Santana tucked her fingers underneath Brittany's chin and gently pushed it up, so she was looking at her</p><p>"Brit, I know you're going through a tough time, but you need to eat something. For you, <em>and</em> for the baby"</p><p>Brittany sighed in defeat. She really wasn't sure she could stomach much at all, and if it was just her, she would have refused. But she had a baby to think about now.</p><p>"Will you eat with me?" she asked, her blue eyes pleading with Santana.</p><p>Santana just smiled and reached out for a piece of toast, taking a small bite, before holding it up to Brittany's mouth so she could do the same.</p><p>When she was satisfied, she had got enough food into the blonde, she took the tray and stood up off the bed.</p><p>"Come downstairs and I'll fix you another juice" she said, observing the empty glass. She knew Brittany would rather have a coffee right now, but she had sworn off it now she knew she was pregnant, as hard as it was. "We have a Doctor's appointment at 12"</p><hr/><p>When she had fixed Brittany up with another drink and left her in front of the TV, she went upstairs to wake Mila. It was a weekend so she was enjoying a long lie in, but even 10:00 was late for her.</p><p>"Morning sleepy head!" she called as she entered the room, as she watched the little girl begin to stir "that was a nice long sleep you had, did you have some nice dreams?"</p><p>Mila didn't answer, burrowing her head under the covers. She was always grouchy when she woke up, <em>definitely her mother's daughter</em>.</p><p>"I bet I know something that will get you out of bed…" Santana teased, causing Mila to remove the covers and look at her warily, eyes squinting with the light.</p><p>"Go downstairs and see! There's someone special waiting to see you"</p><p>That was all it took for Mila to throw off her bedsheets and spring down the stairs. Brittany smiled as she heard the enthusiastic footprints sprinting towards her. As soon as the little girl saw the blonde, she squealed.</p><p>"Aunty Brit-Brit!" she exclaimed, running towards Brittany to give her a huge hug. Brittany quickly set her glass down in anticipation, and embraced her tightly, scooping her up on to her lap and planting noisy kisses over her head.</p><p>"Mila Moo, I missed you so much!" she exclaimed, as Santana watched them with a smile. She was surprised Mila had slept through everything and hadn't heard Brittany. Their Duplex apartment was very small, and Mila's bedroom was adjacent to Santana's.</p><p>Brittany placed the little girl down and stood her up on her feet, squinting her eyes at her and tapping her finger on her lips</p><p>"Hmmmm…there's something different about you" she began, as Mila shrieked with delight, knowing this was one of Brittany's games. Suddenly Brittany let out an exaggerated gasp.</p><p>"Have you grown taller Miss Mila Grace!?" causing Mila to laugh harder, Santana chuckling along as she watched them. She never knew how much she missed this, seeing their special bond together.</p><p>"Meels after breakfast we need to get dressed quick okay? You're going over to Abuela's and Abuelo's house soon" Santana smiled, heading over to the kitchen to fix Mila something to eat. Usually Mila would be delighted by this news, but instead she let out a huge pout and folded her arm.</p><p>"But I want to stay with my Aunty Brit-Brit" she sulked</p><p>"I know <em>princesa</em>, but Aunty Brit-Brit and I have some grown up things we need to take care of" Santana explained gently</p><p>"But I only just saw her" Mila frowned, pout still in place.</p><p>"Well she'll be right back to see you this evening" she soothed, playing with Mila's long dark hair "unless…" she turned to Brit. She had just assumed Brittany would be coming back here tonight, in their tiny two bed duplex, even though she had a perfectly good-sized bedroom at her family home.</p><p>"I'll be here tonight Moo" Brittany assured, turning to Santana with a nod and a smile, answering her question before it was even asked. Sure she'd have more room at her parents' house, but she loved spending time with Santana and Mila, and right now she felt like she needed them.</p><hr/><p>After dropping Mila off, on the promise they'd have an ice cream and movie night tonight to make up for having to leave her behind, Santana and Brittany were on route to the doctor's office. Brittany watched as Santana brow furrowed in concentration, slowly weaving through the traffic, not like the girl racer she was used to seeing. The only time Santana would drive this carefully, was when Mila was in the car, and even then, she'd still get bursts of road rage that she couldn't contain.</p><p>"Wow…" Brittany laughed</p><p>"What?" Santana frowned, keeping her eyes on the road ahead, refusing to be distracted by Brittany.</p><p>"It's just…I've never seen you drive this carefully before" Brittany teased</p><p>"Well we have to be careful of Little Poppy Seed" she replied, still concentrating hard</p><p>"I love that you call the baby that. <em>Little Poppy Seed</em>" Brittany said wistfully, with a pensive smile.</p><p>In moments like this, she forgot all about Denver and the pain that he caused her. Currently she was trying to push him to the back of her head, but she knew she'd have to confront things soon. He was still Little Poppy Seed's dad, at the end of the day, and right now he didn't even know about them.</p><hr/><p>Brittany held her arm out for her blood taken before clutching it back to her chest again.</p><p>"No. No…I can't do it" she panicked.</p><p>"Brit look at me" Santana said softly "Just squeeze my hand, I've got you. You'll be okay"</p><p>She knew how much Brittany hated needles, and how she was probably hating her so much right now, for forcing her to come here. Brittany had taken more than one test, all positive, she didn't need a blood test to confirm it. But Santana had insisted. She was a worrier, she always had been, but since becoming a mom herself she was even worse. Maybe it was having a Doctor for a dad, that made her more aware of things that could go wrong. She knew half the time she was just being irrational, but over Brittany and her baby, she wasn't willing to take any gambles.</p><p>"Miss Pierce, would you like to lay back on the bed? It may help you relax a little bit more" the nurse asked gently</p><p>Brittany nodded meekly, as Santana smiled in encouragement. She quickly manoeuvred herself around the bed so she could take Brittany's hand again. As the nurse approached with the needle, Brittany's eyes popped wide open in fear.</p><p>"Brit, Brit…just look at me babe" Santana encouraged firmly, and Brittany did as she said, turning her attention away from the needle.</p><p>"God San, how am I going to do 9 months of this?" she wailed.</p><p>Truth be told, Santana was wondering the same thing. She was thinking she was going to have to get Brittany hypnotised to get her through it, but she squeezed Brittany's hand and said;</p><p>"You just will Brit. From somewhere you'll find the strength. That's what being a Mommy is all about"</p><p>"Sharp scratch coming up" the nurse said</p><p>"That's all it is Brit, small scratch, then it's over with" Santana soothed. She placed her hand over Brittany's stomach, half for comfort, and half because she was scared she was going to jump up when the needle went in.</p><p>As the needle went in, Brittany closed her eyes and pulled their joined hands over her forehead, letting out small breaths to ease her nerves. Santana couldn't help but laugh, she wondered how on earth she was going to react in labour, but she thought she was pretty adorable all the same.</p><p>"And that's it you're all done" said the nurse, much to Brittany's relief "Wasn't so bad was it?" she joked, walking out of the room, Brittany glaring at her as if she was crazy.</p><p>"All over now Brit-Brit" Santana smiled, wrinkling her nose as she squeezed Brittany's hand.</p><hr/><p>Brittany and Santana sat and waited for the nurse to get back with the results. One advantage of Santana having a Senior Doctor for a dad, was that it gave her good connections. Usually they would have to wait and be told the results later that day, if not the next, but the test was sent to the lab immediately.</p><p>"Miss Pierce" the Doctor greeted with a smile as she entered the room, taking over from the nurse to deliver the results "I'm Doctor Shepherd, here to discuss your results. The blood work is back, and the home tests you did were correct. Based on your hCG levels, and the dates you have given us, I can confirm that you are four weeks pregnant. Congratulations!"</p><p>Brittany smiled to herself at the confirmation, Santana squeezing her arm with an excited grin, before turning to the doctor.</p><p>"And the hCG levels were fine? Everything is good?" Santana asked</p><p>"They are a little lower than we would like to see, but not abnormal this early on in pregnancy, so I don't see it being a concern at this stage. It should start to increase as the pregnancy develops, so we'll monitor this at the first scan, which will be in…" the Doctor checked her calendar "four-weeks-time"</p><p>"Thank you, Doctor" said Brittany, taking everything in "I should point out though, that although this is still my Family Doctor's and I'm still registered, I'm based out in New York now. I never got around to switching Doctor's, and luckily, I've never really needed to go while I've lived there. Whenever I have needed to see a doctor, I used the Walk-In facility. I know being pregnant changes things, but I'm at a bit of a crossroads at the moment in terms of my living location"</p><p>Santana looked down; she had somehow forgotten that Brittany being back in Lima was just a temporary thing. Even if she chose not to stay with Denver, her life and career were over there now.</p><p>"Okay, that is something we encourage you to make a decision on as soon as possible, because we'll need to book your first scan in and know where you want to proceed your care" the Doctor replied kindly, before gesturing over to the machine next to her "would you like a little listen now?"</p><p>Brittany gasped</p><p>"Really!?"</p><p>"I have some time before my next appointment, so I see no harm. You won't be able to see anything at this stage, but we should be able to hear the heartbeat. Brittany's face lit up and she looked at Santana with a squeal, who mirrored the smile. Now she was less angry that Santana had dragged her here, and more ecstatic.</p><p>As the Doctor prepared the Sonogram, Brittany lay back and took Santana's hand again, only this time she was filled with excitement instead of nerves.</p><p>"You ready to hear your baby for the first time Brit?" Santana smiled lovingly, as Brittany nodded in awe of what was about to come. She barely even flinched as the cold gel hit her stomach.</p><p>And after some fumbling around with the probe, Brittany inhaled sharply, turning her head to look at Santana again.</p><p>There it was</p><p>
  <em>Her baby's heartbeat.</em>
</p><p>"Wow…That's…that's amazing" Brittany gasped, feeling her emotions take over her. When she looked at Santana, she realised it was having the same effect on her.</p><p>"San are you crying?" she asked softly</p><p>Santana nodded and laughed nervously, brushing away her tears</p><p>"Sorry Brit" she said, voice thick with emotion, but Brittany found it all adorable</p><p>Hearing the heartbeat of Brittany's baby, a child she knew she would instantly love because she loved their mother so much, was more overwhelming for her than she thought it would be. There was just something so special about seeing Brittany go through this whole new experience. It was complete contrast for her emotions at her own first Sonogram. By the time she had gone, Mila was developed enough so that she could be seen on the screen. She barely even registered the sound of the heartbeat, as she stared at the screen in complete fear. There was no happiness, no realisation of 'wow that's my baby', just a terrified young girl wondering what the hell she was going to do. It wasn't until the next scan, where she was told she was having a girl, she felt more of a connection. Now Mila was here she loved her more than anything, so it felt awful to say, but she had just been so overwhelmed seeing her on the screen that very first time.</p><p>"Alright ladies, I do need to get going to my next appointment now" she handed Brittany some medical blue roll to clean the gel from herself "I'm happy to let you see yourself out, please get in contact with us as soon as possible to let us know your plans, and if you wish to proceed as a patient here"</p><p>"Thank you, Doctor, I'll make sure to let you know" said Brittany as she sat up on the bed, swinging her legs around.</p><p>"Thanks Doctor Shepherd" Santana echoed.</p><p>They waited for her to leave the room, before Santana turned to Brittany again.</p><p>"Wow Brit! How amazing was that!?" she squealed like an excited teenager.</p><p>"I can't believe that there's an actual heartbeat coming from inside of me right now" she glanced down at her stomach in amazement "Totally amazing"</p><p>"And you were right about being four weeks pregnant, genius!" Santana smirked. Okay so she hadn't exactly figured it out for herself, the test had told her, but any excuse Santana had to remind Brittany she was a genius, she would.</p><p>"I know! I really <em>do</em> have a Little Poppy Seed growing inside me right now!"</p><p>Santana crouched down so she was level with Brittany's belly, lightly touching her hand against it and leaning towards it.</p><p>"Hello Little Poppy, I'm your Auntie San, and I already can't wait to meet you. You are so loved already pequeña"</p><p>Just when Brittany thought her emotions couldn't handle anymore, Santana went and did that. She blew out a breath and rolled her eyes up to the ceiling, to stop her watering eyes. She didn't know if it was just the way Santana was simply speaking to the baby or hearing her refer to herself as Auntie San for the first time, but she felt her heart could actually burst. It's funny how in life's difficult moment, joy can always be found, if we look hard enough.</p><p>"Have we just dropped the seed part now?" Brittany laughed, in an attempt to quell her emotions, before adding reflectively "<em>Little Poppy</em>, I like it though"</p><hr/><p>While Brittany was at her parents, Santana was catching up with some housework, Mila content painting pictures for Brittany. She had been so caught up with everything in the past 24 hours, that she had forgotten all about dinner with Dani tonight until her phone started buzzing and Dani's name flashed up on the screen.</p><p>"Hey babe" she answered, trying to keep her tone happy, knowing she was about to let her down any minute now.</p><p>"Hey you! What time are you planning on coming over tonight? I just picked up all of the groceries, you're going to be amazed at my culinary skills, I'm telling you"</p><p>Santana grimaced as Dani chatted away. She felt so bad, but there was no way she could go off and leave Brittany at this time, no way at all.</p><p>"Babe actually…" Santana cut in "I'm really, <em>really</em> sorry but I'm going to have to cancel on tonight. Brittany came here last night, she's going through a bad time at the moment, so she's staying here for a couple of days. I'm sorry but there's no way I can leave her like this…"</p><p>"Brittany?" Dani interrupted confused "But I thought you guys weren't speaking"</p><p>"We weren't but…it's a long story. I'll fill you in on everything I promise I just…really need to cancel on tonight, I'm sorry Dan"</p><p>Dani let out a long sigh</p><p>"You could have said earlier babe, I just bought all the stuff now"</p><p>"I know, look I'm so sorry, it's just been a hectic day. I promise I'll make it up to you?" she pleaded, sensing Dani's upset "How about…you come around for dinner here tomorrow instead? It'll be a great chance for you to get to know Brittany, and I know Mila will be dying to see you"</p><p>Another sigh</p><p>"Okay…I guess we can do that"</p><p>"Thanks babe, I really appreciate it" Santana was interrupted by the sound of a faint knock on the door, which then opened to reveal Brittany, Santana had no problem with her letting herself in "Look Dan, I gotta go, someone's at the door. I'll text you okay?"</p><p>As she hung up the phone, she walked over to an enthusiastic Mila showing Brittany her paintings.</p><p>"These are so great Moo. You're so talented" Brittany gasped, enthusiastically flicking through all the paintings she had done as Mila smiled bashfully at the praise.</p><p>Santana ruffled Mila's hair to add to the praise, before bending down to her level</p><p>"Sweetheart can you tidy up your painting stuff and go wash your hands before dinner please?" she asked, needing the chance to speak to Brittany alone.</p><p>She knew the afternoon would have been tough for her, having to tell them everything about Denver. She was going to tell them about her pregnancy too. Usually she would have waited until after the 12-week mark, but she thought given the circumstances, they should know. Brittany hated worrying her parents, and she knew now they would definitely worry.</p><p>Santana watched as Mila ran off to do as she was asked, before turning to Brittany, offering her a reassuring tap on the arm.</p><p>"How did it go?"</p><p>"It was hard" Brittany sighed "they're really upset about the whole Denver thing. They can't believe it. You know my dad never gets angry, but boy was he angry. My mom just cried" she said sadly, as Santana gave her a gentle squeeze.</p><p>"What did they say about the baby?"</p><p>"Mixed emotions, I think. I mean, obviously they're excited and happy but…they were shocked because they never knew we were trying. And they worry about how I'm going to cope now. I get it, it's a lot to process. I don't think they particularly like the idea of their pregnant daughter being alone in New York City, with not much of a support network. I mean I have friends but…they're mostly shared friends with Den and none of them are exactly settled down"</p><p>"I don't particularly like that idea either Brit" Santana admitted, the two of them walking over to the sofa "I wish you could just stay here in Lima" she sighed.</p><p>"Well…maybe I should?" said Brittany, causing Santana to turn to her with a questioning look.</p><p>"I don't know I just think…do I want to be raising my baby there alone, when the majority of my support network is here? Seeing you talk to the baby today, made me think how much I want you in our everyday life. And I want them to have the same relationship with my parents, as Mila does with your parents and as I did with my grandparents"</p><p>"But what about your job? Your dreams?" Santana asked, ever the worrier.</p><p>"Don't you see San? I lived my dream. I lived it for six years. But now, this is a new dream, a new chapter. I love New York but…everything there reminds me of Denver now. I don't know if I can" she shrugged.</p><p>"You know I'd love nothing more than for you to come back here again. I just don't want you to feel like you've missed out on something because of <em>him</em> and what he's done"</p><p>"It's not just that. Sometimes life goes in a new direction, and you get consumed by a new love. You know that yourself from having Mila" Brittany smiled "you wanted to go to New York too, but I know now you have Mila, you'd never swap her for that. Same for me and my baby. I'm not even going to have time to miss New York and Broadway, because I'm going to be so consumed by this new little person. I haven't fully made my mind up yet; I'm still thinking about it. I guess there's still Denver to consider, even if I don't take him back, he's still the baby's dad and I won't deny him that. I'll probably have to go back for a little while to see out my contractual obligations with work"</p><p>"Well take all the time you need to think about it, Brit" Santana smiled encouragingly, but in her heart, she couldn't stop the glimmer of hope at the thought of Brittany living back in Lima again.</p><p>"I better finish up on the dinner, I made your favourite" Santana stood "Oh…and I invited Dani for dinner tomorrow. I hope you don't mind? I had to bail on her tonight because I wanted to spend it with you, but I figured it's about time you two got around to meeting each other"</p><p>Brittany couldn't help the sinking feeling in her stomach. She had got so caught up in her 'Sanmila bubble of happiness' that she had forgotten all about the fact Santana had a life and a girlfriend, that she was now very much intruding on. And then, Brittany realised just exactly what that sinking feeling was, that awful emotion that was rearing its ugly head again.</p><p>
  <em>It was jealousy</em>
</p><hr/><p>It was a day later, and Santana was busy cooking, getting frustrated when things weren't going her away. She never really rated her own cooking skills, but she had volunteered to do it, so she was going to follow through with it. She turned to see the toys left out on the floor, her request for Mila to pick them up ignored for a third time, and her patience beginning to wear thin.</p><p>"Mila!" she shouted, letting the little girl know she wasn't impressed, causing her to strop in the kitchen.</p><p>"How many times have I asked you to pick these toys up off the floor?" she said firmly, brow raised at the girl who had her arms crossed and a pout on her face. She sure did have a prima donna on her hands today. "Now go do it please" Santana continued, causing the girl to sigh and hastily pick up the toys, slinging them into her toy box carelessly.</p><p><em>"Right that's it"</em> Santana thought to herself, she'd had enough of her five-year-olds attitude today. She turned off the stove and followed her daughter through to the open plan living room.</p><p>"Mila Grace Lopez, what has gotten into you today!?"</p><p>"Nothing" Mila sulked</p><p>"Well there is obviously something. And I'd like you to have a smile on your face before Dani gets here please. She's been looking forward to seeing you"</p><p>"I don't want stupid Dani to come!" Mila yelled, which alarmed Santana. She always loved seeing Dani. She softened and went to sit next to her on the couch.</p><p>"Why don't you want Dani to come Meels? That's not a very nice thing to say is it?"</p><p>"Because I want my Aunty Brit-Brit instead"</p><p>Santana frowned in confusion, before letting out a sigh of relief. For a second there, she was concerned at her daughter's sudden hostility towards her girlfriend.</p><p>"What are you talking about Meels?" Santana laughed "Aunty Brit-Brit is coming too"</p><p>Mila's pout softened slightly</p><p>"Then where is she?"</p><p>"She just popped out to the store to get more orange juice" Santana replied softly. Since giving up coffee, Brittany had now been drinking orange juice by the gallon.</p><p>"Oh" Mila said</p><p>"Yes, oh" Santana laughed, poking Mila in the ribs playfully "Now stop sulking and go pick up the rest of your toys please missy"</p><hr/><p>An hour later, with Brittany back from the store and Mila seemingly out of her mood, dinner preparations were going considerably better. Santana was just doing the final taste test, when she heard a knock at the door, signalling Dani's arrival. She had no idea why she felt nervous, it was just her girlfriend, but for some reason gaining Brittany's approval meant everything to her.</p><p>She opened the door and Dani stepped forward to kiss her, but she found herself turning her head to the side so that she caught her cheek instead. It was almost subconscious, but she felt bad being overly affectionate in front of Brittany, when she was having such a tough time with her relationship. She'd even wondered if she made the right decision inviting her over here tonight, was it too soon to expect Brit to sit and play happy families? But it was too late now, and she stepped aside to let her girlfriend in.</p><p>Brittany was playing with Mila on the couch and she sensed her stand up ready to be introduced.</p><p>"Dani, this is my amazing, beautiful, lifelong best friend, Brittany" said Santana, watching as the two blondes politely shook hands. She knew Brittany was much more of a hugger, but she was trying to be refined</p><p>"And Brittany, meet Dani, my…" she paused for a second, unsure why. Maybe it was the whole being affectionate in front of Brittany thing.</p><p>"Girlfriend?" Dani laughed, finishing the sentence for her.</p><p>"Yeah sorry, lost my chain of thought there" Santana laughed nervously.</p><p>"I've heard so much about you Brittany" said Dani</p><p>"Likewise." Brittany smiled, although it was a lie. She'd rarely heard much about Dani at all, but then again, they hadn't spoken for 8 weeks prior.</p><p>When the introductions were done, Dani walked over to Mila with a wave</p><p>"And how's my favourite five-year-old?" she asked.</p><p>Mila looked up from her iPad to briefly glare at Dani, before looking back at her game again, no response given. Santana wanted the ground to swallow her up, what on earth had gotten into Mila today? She never behaved like this. Brittany chewed her lip nervously, not sure what to do with herself.</p><p>"Mila! Dani just asked you a question" Santana reprimanded. <em>Was that an eye roll she just saw?</em></p><p>"Fine thanks" Mila answered dead tone, before looking back at her iPad again.</p><p>"I'm so sorry Dani. I think Mila must have had a bad night's sleep last night, which means she'll be going to bed an hour earlier tonight" she said to Dani, but loud enough so Mila could hear.</p><hr/><p>As they sat down to eat and Santana placed the glasses of orange juice down in front of them all, a small frown made its way to Dani's face.</p><p>"No wine babe?" she questioned</p><p>Santana felt herself getting flustered. She figured they'd all just drink orange juice tonight in solidarity of Brittany, but how was she meant to explain this to Dani when she didn't know about her pregnancy?</p><p>"Erm…well Brit wasn't feeling so well earlier, so I thought we'd just stick with juice"</p><p>"Oh…okay" Dani frowned, thinking it strange</p><p>"Don't be silly, you two can still have a drink, I don't mind" Brittany said</p><p>"No, we're fine with juice, I don't want the smell to upset your stomach or something" Santana smiled, adamant. Honestly, she had hated the smell of alcohol when she got pregnant, it made her so nauseous, and she didn't want to risk the chance Brittany would suffer silently with the same thing as they drank away.</p><p>They carried on the meal with a good amount of small talk. Dani asked all about Brittany's life in New York and her dancing and showed a genuine interest. It got a bit awkward when she asked about Denver, but the situation was quickly evaded by Santana standing up and enthusiastically asking who wanted dessert.</p><p>Brittany had been grateful for that. The last thing she wanted to do, was to open up to this girl she didn't even know about her complicated love life. All evening, she had been trying to pick flaws with Dani, to find a reason why she wasn't good enough for Santana. Why, now that she was technically single, Santana should pick her instead. She couldn't find one. She was disappointed to realise that Dani was actually nice, normal, treated both Santana <em>and</em> Mila well, and was considerably attractive too. She knew she should just be happy for Santana, but she couldn't help but wish that it was her sitting in Dani's position.</p><p>At one point in all her thinking over the years, she had realised that although seemingly unrequited, Santana had definitely been her first love. And although she had moved on and loved Denver, that feeling had never gone away. <em>Do you ever get over your first love though?</em> She had wondered. Maybe this feeling was going to be there forever, and she'd just have to move on again, all the while silently watching Santana from the side lines. The only thing that ever made it easier, was her mantra about <em>if you truly love someone, you should let them go</em>. She had been doing that for years now, and as long as Santana was happy, she could live with that.</p><p>It made her question who Santana's first love was, she had always pretended to be really into guys, but now Santana had come out as a lesbian, it couldn't be any of them. She'd said she never realised she was into girls until she got with Dani, so she figured it must be Dani. Suddenly her envy of the girl multiplied by a thousand, knowing Santana would feel the yearning for Dani, that she herself felt for Santana. Regardless of if they stayed together or not, it would be a forever feeling.</p><p>"Aunty Brit-Brit, please may I have another orange juice?" Mila's soft voice broke Brittany out of her chain of thought. Santana was busy fixing dessert, so it was just Brittany, Mila and Dani at the table. She was just about to respond, when Dani stood up.</p><p>"I'll get you some Mila" she smiled, reaching out for the cup, which Mila snatched back with a scowl.</p><p>"No! I want my Aunty Brit-Brit to do it!"</p><p>"O…okay" Dani said, holding her hands up and returning to her seat. Brittany couldn't have felt more awkward if she tried, as she grabbed the cup to fill up Mila's orange juice.</p><p>Luckily, the awkwardness wilted away as they all sat at the table again and tucked into their Vanilla Cheesecake.</p><p>"This is great San, thank you for tonight" Brittany smiled</p><p>"Yeah thanks babe" Dani added, before turning to Mila again "hey Mila if you're not too full off the cheesecake, I got you a little something" she smiled, dropping the little girl's favourite candy on the table in front of her, a box of Dots.</p><p>"Hmm…too full" Mila shrugged, earning a warning glance from Santana.</p><p>"That's okay. Maybe you can save them for later" said Dani, not giving up on the girl.</p><p>"No Aunty Brit-Brit already got me lots, so I don't need these ones" she replied, pushing them back towards Dani.</p><p>"Well you can have more than one box Mila" Santana smiled, through gritted teeth. She was going to need to have a huge chat about rudeness with her daughter later.</p><p>"How about I put these in the kitchen for now, and when you're finished with your ones from Aunty Brit, you can have these ones?" Dani suggested.</p><p>"No!" Mila shouted "I said I don't want your stupid candy so just take it away from me"</p><p>Santana blushed heavily at Mila's out-burst, as Brittany closed her eyes. She was sensing a Lima Heights Adjacent Santana appearing at any moment now.</p><p>"I'm so sorry Dani, my daughter seems to have forgotten her manners today" said Santana apologetically, before turning to address her daughter "Mila, upstairs now!" she said firmly.</p><p>She didn't need to ask twice, as the little girl hurriedly ran upstairs, Santana hot on her trail. She wasn't quite fast enough, as when she had got upstairs, Mila had already run into the bathroom and locked the door.</p><p>"Mila Grace, open this door right now!" she demanded, pulling at the handle.</p><p>"I mean it Mila. <em>Uno</em>…<em>dos</em>…"</p><p>Before she could get to three, the little girl reluctantly opened the door, her face red with tears. Santana bent down to her level, wiping the tears from her face. No matter how angry she was with her behaviour today, she still hated seeing her little girl cry.</p><p>"Can you tell me what this is about please? Because you've been very unkind to Dani today, and that's not how I brought you up is it?"</p><p>Mila hesitantly shook her head</p><p>"So, can you tell me what's happened to upset you? Because I know something has. I know you didn't really mean to behave like that with Dani, because that's not my little girl. My little girl is kind and sweet and caring."</p><p>"I just don't want Dani to be here anymore" Mila sniffled, causing Santana's heart to break.</p><p>"But I thought you liked Dani?"</p><p>"I did" said Mila, nodding through her tears "but that was before she took Aunty Brit-Brit away"</p><p>Santana frowned confused</p><p>"What do you mean took Aunty Brit-Brit away?"</p><p>"When Dani came, Aunty Brit-Brit stopped coming. I know you two weren't friends anymore" she whimpered "Now that Aunty Brit-Brit came back, I don't want Dani to take her away again"</p><p>"Oh baby" Santana gasped, taking Mila into her arms "is that what you really think?" she rocked Mila back and forth, who by now was crying herself into exhaustion.</p><p>"Sweetheart, Dani didn't take Aunty Brit-Brit away, and she never will. Aunty Brit-Brit will always be a part of your life"</p><p>"Then why did you two stop speaking?" Mila asked</p><p>A pang of guilt ran through Santana's body, that despite letting them FaceTime still, Mila knew something was up.</p><p>"We just had a very silly little disagreement. Sometimes friends get silly when they have been friends a long time, but it was very silly, and nothing is going to make me and Aunty Brit-Brit not speak again okay? Because she's our family, isn't she?"</p><p>Mila nodded, a smile creeping back on to her face</p><p>"I love Aunty Brit-Brit so much"</p><p>"I love her too Moo, and she isn't going anywhere okay? But I do need you to go and apologise to Dani for me, because what you did might have upset her, and we don't like upsetting people do we?"</p><p>Mila shook her head</p><p>"Good girl" said Santana, taking Mila into another hug "Come on, let's go back downstairs and have a nice evening" she added, picking her up and heading towards the stairs. She found the two blondes chatting away, happy they were both getting on. They stopped talking and turned to look at her, when they noticed she and Mila had appeared.</p><p>"Everything okay?" Brittany asked, face etched with concern.</p><p>"Everything is fine" Santana smiled, reassuringly "Mila just has something she'd like to say to Dani" she continued, setting the little girl down on the floor.</p><p>"I'm really sorry Dani" Mila pouted, looking at the floor</p><p>"Aww baby girl it's okay! We all get over tired" said Dani, holding her arms out to hug Mila, which Mila gratefully accepted.</p><p>"So…how about those Dots? Will I be allowed them now?" Mila asked warily, making everyone laugh.</p><p>"How about…you go get your PJs on first, and then we all tuck up on the couch with blankets and watch a movie, with the Dots"</p><p>"Yes!" Brittany punched the air, causing Santana to laugh, while Mila was already halfway up the stairs.</p><p>"Babe…you in?" said Santana, looking over to Dani</p><p>"Sure" Dani shrugged "Just need to go use the bathroom first"</p><hr/><p>Dani came out of the bathroom to the sound of loud, happy laughter. She crept down the stairs to find Santana, Brittany and Mila all laughing away together, at some private joke they all shared. She observed them all, and how happy they looked, almost like a little family.</p><p>She had it good with Santana and Mila, but what those three had as a bond, looked something special. Something she was afraid she couldn't compete with. The way Santana's eyes grew wide with love watching Brittany interact with Mila, the way Mila clearly idolised Brittany and hung off her every word, the way Brittany knew Santana so well that she could tell what she was thinking with just a look.</p><p>"Please can we watch Frozen again, please, please, please?" Mila begged</p><p>"Only if Mama promises not to sing the whole way through, like she did last night" Brittany teased, earning a playful swat from Santana</p><p>"I did not sing the whole way through!"</p><p>"What do you think Mila? I think if she sings, we'll have to tickle her, and we all hate how much Mama hates being tickled"</p><p>Mila laughed wildly, agreeing with Brittany</p><p>"But the thing about being your Mama, means that I passed that ticklishness onto you" Santana laughed, diving down to tickle the little girl, Brittany joining in with her as Mila screamed helplessly.</p><p>When the tickling finally stopped, they settled on Frozen, Dani still stood observing them from the foot of the stairs. They were so wrapped up, that they hadn't noticed her watching them. As they pressed play on the movie, figuring Dani wouldn't be long, Mila shuffled so she was half on Santana's lap, half on Brittany's. She wrapped her arms around each of their necks as Brittany cuddled in close, and Santana adjusted the blanket over them. Feeling like she was interrupting an intimate moment, Dani cleared her throat, causing them all to look at her.</p><p>"Actually…I think I'm going to pass on the movie" she said</p><p>"Oh no come on babe, it's only just started" said Santana</p><p>"No, no…it's not that it's just…something came up with work. They asked if I can cover a Graveyard shift, someone called in sick" she lied, but Santana didn't see through it.</p><p>"Oh…okay then babe well…" Santana stood to see Dani out, but Dani interrupted</p><p>"No, no, you stay where you are, you look comfy. I can see myself out" she smiled, walked towards the door "I'll text you tomorrow. It was nice meeting you Brittany. Goodbye Mila, hope you enjoy the Dots!" she added, before heading out the door.</p><p>Santana looked at Brittany, confused, who met her with a shrug.</p><p><em>"That was weird"</em> Santana thought. She just hoped Mila's behaviour hadn't upset her too much, causing her to leave. She wasn't going to let herself dwell on it too long though, so she turned her attention back towards the film, offering a smile to Brittany and running her hand through Mila's hair.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Chapter 27</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Monday rolled around, with Mila in pre-school and Santana back at work, Brittany decided it was time to emerge from her bubble and face reality with Denver. She had arranged with Chris, the show director for Aladdin, that she would need another week off work, but that they would touch base from there. She was just glad he was so understanding, a perk of her being high up and well respected in her dance career, alongside his empathy from being in the situation himself. She of course hadn't told him about her pondering about leaving New York for good, because she still had the decision to make. She hoped the conversation with Denver would help her reach a decision, so on the Monday she unblocked his number to send a message.</p><p>
  <strong>We need to talk about everything. I'm in Lima, staying at Santana's for the time being. Is there any way you can get here this weekend? I'd rather do this in person.</strong>
</p><p>Denver's reply was instant, a simple;</p><p>
  <strong>I'll be there X</strong>
</p><p>Brittany sighed and tossed her phone aside so she wouldn't have to look at the inevitable pleading texts from Denver that were about to come her way. It was obvious he wasn't going to let her go without a fight.</p><p>As the week continued, fifth week of pregnancy hit Brittany like a ton of bricks. On the first morning she had dashed to the bathroom before it was even light outside, and vomited so violently, she almost thought she was going to throw up the baby. As she whimpered, feeling sorry for herself, she felt a comforting hand rub her back. The other hand made its way to her hair, scooping it out of the way.</p><p>"I'm here Britty" Santana said softly, placing a chaste kiss against the back of her neck. She had been lucky enough to not suffer with much morning sickness, but seeing Brittany struggling made her wish she could just take it from her. She never did well with seeing the blonde upset, unwell or in pain.</p>
<hr/><p>Come Friday, Brittany was feeling pretty fed up, as she emerged from the bathroom again after a rough morning. She entered Santana's bedroom with a groan, as Santana sat at the dressing table, applying her makeup for work.</p><p>"Oh Brit, is there anything I can do for you?" Santana pouted sympathetically, as Brittany flopped back on the bed.</p><p>"I don't think there's much you can do" Brittany sighed "Just gotta ride it out I guess"</p><p>Santana walked over to the bed to lightly stroke Brittany's forehead</p><p>"Maybe I should stay home from work today and look after you. You've been like this all week, and I hate the thought of leaving you here alone sick"</p><p>"I'm not sick San, I'm pregnant" Brittany replied, forcing a smile to let the worried Latina know she was okay "You can't stay home just to look after me, I could be like this for weeks"</p><p>Santana stared at Brittany, unsure.</p><p>"I guess so…but if you are feeling really bad, will you promise to go over to your mom's house so she can look after you?"</p><p>"Yes, I can do that" Brittany replied, trying her best to ease Santana's concerns.</p><p>Santana was still apprehensive, but she let up, knowing that Brittany would at least stick to her promise. She heard the sound of little footsteps running into the room, and she wondered why Mila was up 10 minutes before she needed to be up for school. The little girl had concern etched all over her face, as she looked up at Santana.</p><p>"Aunty Brit-Brit was sick again?" she asked tentatively</p><p>Every morning Mila had heard Brittany throwing up, and she was starting to ask questions about it. She had inherited her mother's trait for worrying, and Santana and Brittany were beginning to think they'd have to tell her about the pregnancy, to stop her mind running away with itself. They would have liked to have waited until after the first trimester, when the pregnancy carried less risks, but they weren't sure how long they could carry on deceiving Mila, when she was so anxious about everything.</p><p>"Yes sweetheart, but don't worry" Santana soothed "Look, she's fine" she added, gesturing behind her towards the bed. The little girl ran towards the bed to see for herself.</p><p>"Yes, don't worry about me Moo. Just a funny tummy from something I ate, I think. Maybe it was too much ice-cream"</p><p>Mila looked at Brittany, unconvinced, so Brittany decided to change the subject.</p><p>"Are you all ready for school little one?"</p><p>"Yes, we are learning all about American landmarks today" Mila chimed excitedly, Brittany's trick had worked "Mami is letting me take in a photo of us with the Statue of Liberty"</p><p>"That's great Moo. It looks like you're in for a fun day!" Brittany smiled widely. As nauseous as she felt, the little girl was the best medicine.</p><p>"Sweetie, why don't you go downstairs, and I'll be down in a moment to get you some breakfast? We can come back up to give Aunty Brit-Brit a kiss goodbye before you leave for school"</p><p>"Okay Mama" said Mila, skipping off, anxiety seemingly forgotten for now. When she was sure Mila was gone, Santana sat down on the edge of the bed with a sigh.</p><p>"She knows something's up, doesn't she?"</p><p>"That's because she's a smart kid, like you" Brittany smiled "maybe we should tell her San? I don't want her worrying herself over this" she added, on a more serious note.</p><p>"Yeah I agree, I think we should" said Santana "we can tell her tonight after school?"</p><p>"Good idea" Brittany replied.</p><p>"I should go get her breakfast ready before we're late" said Santana, standing up off the bed "Do you need me to bring you anything up?"</p><p>"I'm good for now. I don't think I can stomach anything" Brittany cringed, before noting Santana's concerned expression "but I promise I'll eat something as soon as I do, and I'll make sure it's nutritious" she laughed, knowing that would be the next point Santana made.</p><p>"Okay, well we'll come up and say bye before we leave, but until then" Santana leaned down so she was addressing Brittany's non-existent baby bump "Little Poppy it's your Auntie Santana here, please can you be extra good for your Mommy today and look after her for me?"</p><p>Brittany chuckled as she watched Santana lean her ear down, as if she was actually having a conversation with the baby, that only she understood.</p><p>"Okay, that's good Little Poppy, that's exactly what I want to hear. I love you, and I love your Mommy too, but now I need to leave and take your cousin Mila to school. Once she finds out all about you later, she's going to be so excited"</p><p>"What did Little Poppy say today?" Brittany asked with a laugh, she was really enjoying this new thing Santana had been doing speaking to the baby, she found it extra adorable.</p><p>"Brit you know I can't tell you that. My conversations with Little Poppy are top secret. Isn't that right Little Poppy?"</p><p>"You know by now, they're actually the size of an apple seed, so maybe we should start calling them Little Apple instead" Brittany teased</p><p>"Hmmmm…doesn't quite have the same ring to it" Santana laughed</p><p>"No you're right. Little Poppy is the one. And when they're eighteen, we'll probably still give them that nickname, and they'll be all embarrassed. But we can tell them how it's because they were only the size of a poppy seed, when we found out about them" Brittany mused wistfully, thinking about the future. She may not have planned to be in the situation she was in, but she was excited for what lay ahead of her.</p>
<hr/><p>Later that night after they'd had dinner and cleaned up, they sat Mila down to tell her about the baby.</p><p>"So, you know how Aunty Brit-Brit has been throwing up sometimes?" Santana began, to which Mila nodded, concern etching her face again</p><p>"Well…it's because...there is a baby inside her belly. Aunty Brit-Brit is going to have a baby!"</p><p>"You're going to be a big cousin Mila Moo!" Brittany exclaimed</p><p>Sure enough, the concern on Mila's face turned to excitement.</p><p>"A baby! Wow Aunty Brit-Brit, that's the best news ever!" Mila exclaimed, jumping up and down excitedly "She's going to be my best friend"</p><p>"Well we don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet Meels" Santana laughed, earning a confident look from Mila.</p><p>"It will be a girl!" before she turned to Brittany "how long until I can see them Aunty Brit-Brit?"</p><p>"Well there's quite a long time to go yet. First, we have summer, then you are starting Kindergarten, then we have Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas. Then a little before you turn 6, this little one will be ready to come out and meet you" Brittany explained, patting her belly lightly.</p><p>"And is Uncle Den the daddy?" Mila asked curiously. Denver had always hated being referred to as 'Uncle Den', claiming it made him feel old, but Mila insisted anyway.</p><p>"He is sweetheart yes but, I'm not so sure Uncle Den is going to be my boyfriend anymore" said Brittany gently, deciding it was best to be honest with her.</p><p>"That's okay. There are lots of children in my class who have mommy's and daddy's like that" Mila said matter-of-factly, referring to the children she knew who had divorced/separated parents "or there are some who have a daddy and a daddy, or some who have just a mommy, like me" Mila smiled</p><p>"That's right Moo" Santana said, ruffling her daughter's hair proudly. She felt her eyes tear up at Mila's wise words. In times like this, she just felt so blessed to be the little girls' mom.</p><p>"Thank you Aunty Brit-Brit, this is the best surprise ever!" Mila said, hugging Brittany's legs tightly and squeezing her eyes shut, much to the adoration of Brittany and Santana.</p><p>"I'm glad your super excited Mila Moo. I need my best big helper when the baby is here" said Brittany.</p><p>The little girl smiled, before turning to address Santana.</p><p>"Mama, do you think you will have another baby some day? So that I can be a big sister?" she asked hopefully.</p><p>Santana looked down, unsure how to answer the question that she wasn't expecting. Truthfully, she had always wanted more children, she had always pictured three in her head. But she hadn't really thought of it in depth. She had enough on her hands with Mila, and for years she hadn't even found the right person to have another child with. Now she was with Dani, maybe it was something she could properly think about, although she and Dani had never discussed kids. It was way too early for that, and she didn't even know what Dani's stance on having children was.</p><p>"Maybe one day <em>amorcita</em>" Santana smiled "but for now, you will have lots to keep you busy being a special big cousin!"</p>
<hr/><p>The next morning, Brittany and Santana had come to the park with Mila, in a bid to take Brittany's mind off things as she had her meeting with Denver later. It would also be good for Mila to burn off some energy, as since finding out about Brittany having a baby, she was bouncing off the walls. She had been told this was a big secret, and not to tell anyone for the time being, so she was showing off her excitement by jumping around lots instead. They had also met up with Quinn, who Brittany had met through Santana on a few occasions. She liked Quinn, and she was glad that Santana had another gal pal that she could rely on here in Lima.</p><p>"Slow down Moo!" Santana called, as Mila ran through the park excitedly, her little legs running through the grass.</p><p>She was dressed pretty as a picture today, in her little summer dress and sandals. Santana had put her hair in two bunches, platting the ends, but as she headed over to the trees, Santana cursed herself for dressing her in white. Mila was stereotypically girly in many ways. She loved pink, loved stealing Santana's lipsticks and adored ballet and flittering about in tutus. But she also had a tomboy side, and she was always coming home with scrapes on her knees.</p><p>It reminded Santana a lot of herself when she was young, and she remembered how she had been such a tomboy, that her Abuela had put her into ballet classes in an attempt to 'make her more like other little girls'. Santana never really stuck them out, or took to dance as much as Mila did though. She still loved her Abuela, but her resistance to change made her sad. Now she was a mother herself, she couldn't help but think a lot of her methods were harsh. With Mila, she would never do anything to try and get her to change who she was. Whether Mila was leaping around in a tutu, or scrambling up trees, Santana always made sure Mila knew it was fine to be who she was. It sometimes made her wonder if her Abuela's strict values, had a subconscious effect on her realising her sexuality so late, on realising she could be a 'different type of normal'.</p><p>She saw a lot of herself in Mila looks wise too. As everybody always told her, Mila was just a mini her. She didn't see much of Puck in her at all, she had Santana's skin tone, her dark hair, her deep brown eyes and smile. She was a little on the small side for her age, which Santana guessed had also come from herself. The only place she could see Puck, was perhaps in her eye shape. She thought when Mila was a baby, that she might have had Puck's mouth, but as she had grown, she realised <em>nope that's definitely my pout.</em></p><p>She didn't see much of Puck in her personality either, but that made sense since he had never been in her life. She instead saw elements of the people around her, who had always been in Mila's life. A lot of her own personality traits were of course moulded into her daughter, but she also noticed her mother's gentleness, her father's wisdom, Pablo's humour, Quinn's inquisitive mind. And of course, lashings and lashings of Brittany. Her love for dance, her kindness, her innocence.</p><p>She smiled she watched Mila climb onto the low branch of the tree.</p><p>"Aunty Brit! Come see this!" Mila yelled, excitedly beckoning the blonde over.</p><p>"They're so cute together" Quinn said, as her and Santana watched Mila enthusiastically show Brittany the birds' nest, she had spotted, high on the branches above.</p><p>"Yeah they are" Santana smiled in agreement, before taking out her cell to capture the moment "Smile for a picture you two!"</p><p>Brittany sat herself on the branch, Mila standing up behind her, peeking over Brittany's shoulder. The height of the branch she was stood on made her level with Brittany, and she wrapped her arms around Brittany's neck, clasping her hands together and grinning widely. Santana and Quinn cooed as they watched them, their heads pressed adorably together. After the picture was taken, Mila jumped down and charged towards Quinn.</p><p>"Aunty Quinn, will you take me into the play park and push me on the swings?" she beamed</p><p>"Sure Meels!" said Quinn, ruffling her hair and following her into the park.</p><p>"She's such a blessing" Brittany sighed, as she approached Santana again, the two of them heading over to the nearest bench where they could watch Mila and Quinn play.</p><p>"She really is" Santana sighed contentedly "And soon there will be a second blessing playing alongside her, making us go all googly eyed all over again" she smiled, looking at Brittany and briefly glancing down at her stomach.</p><p>"I think Little Poppy is going to be a girl, you know?" Brittany said, as Santana turned to her, her features softening at Brittany's words.</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Yeah I just…have a feeling. Mother's instinct and all that"</p><p>"Imagine that…two girls" Santana said wistfully "Mila will be over the moon" she laughed, before placing a gentle hand on Brittany's stomach "But don't worry Little Poppy, we'll love you whatever you are" she said carefully.</p><p>"Did you ever have a gut feeling with Mila?"</p><p>Santana shook her head.</p><p>"I didn't really allow myself to think about it, what with the adoption…" she shrugged, earning a sympathetic nod from Brittany.</p><p>They watched in a content silence for a while, at Mila laughing wildly as Quinn pushed her on the swings, screaming for her to push her higher.</p><p>"San…How did you get the idea for Mila's name?" Brittany asked suddenly. In thinking about names for her own child, she realised it was something they'd never discussed before.</p><p>"You know it's funny" Santana sighed "I spent the whole of my pregnancy trying to detach myself, knowing I was giving her away, but the moment I found out she was a girl I had the name instantly. Of course I wasn't actually going to call her that if I did go through with the adoption, I was going to let the new parents decide, but it had such a special meaning that I was almost trying to telepathically pass it through to her by calling her it in my head"</p><p>Brittany let out a sad smile, squeezing Santana's hand, sensing this might be difficult for her to talk about.</p><p>"Mila comes from Camila" Santana explained "And Camila means perfect. And then Grace means a gift from God. It's like I always wanted her to know that she was loved, and that the reason I was giving her away wasn't because she was unwanted or because I didn't love her. It was just the wrong timing, or so I thought at the time. As soon as I held her in my arms, I could never give her back, and I knew she was my perfect Mila Grace"</p><p>Brittany blinked to rid herself of the tears that were clouding her eyes, feeling touched by Santana's deep response. She hadn't ever realised Santana had looked so far into picking names that had meanings behind them. It made her think how she had to make sure to get her own baby's name so right.</p><p>"That's so beautiful San" said Brittany, voice thick with emotion, as she squeezed Santana's hand once more.</p>
<hr/><p>Brittany was sitting alone waiting for Denver, who would be here any minute now. The gravity of the situation was really beginning to hit her, and she began to wring her hands with nerves. She had to stop herself from going over to the window for the seventh time, to see if she could see any sign of Denver arriving. Instead she settled on fixing herself another orange juice, her third in the last half hour.</p><p><em>"Damn shame it can't be wine"</em> she told herself.</p><p>Santana and Mila had gone out, leaving Brittany the apartment so she could have some privacy to talk alone, with strict instructions from Santana for Brittany to call her immediately if Denver said anything out of line or she got too upset and overwhelmed.</p><p>As she heard a knock at the door, signalling Denver's arrival, she closed her eyes and let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding. This was going to be hard. Not only was she going to have to tell Denver about her pregnancy, she was going to have to make a decision on their future of their relationship. Up until this point, she had not really put too much thought into it. It was a huge betrayal, so she was assuming this was going to be the end of the road for them, but she didn't truly know until she had spoken to him. Maybe he would be able to miraculously talk his way out of it.</p><p>She reluctantly rose from her chair to let him in, composing herself one last time before opening the door. Her face showed no emotion as she greeted him, trying to be strong, whilst he looked visibly nervous. He jiggled his hands in his pockets, and his breathing was heavy. Brittany also noted that he had dressed smart for the occasion, wearing a shirt and tie, with the navy V-neck sweater that Brittany had bought him last Christmas. She silently let him in, and watched as he fumbled nervously, far from the confident, cocky Denver that she knew. Sensing he wasn't just going to sit without an invite, she gestured towards the couch, choosing the adjacent chair to sit on herself so she wouldn't have to sit too near him. Then she just stared and waited, and after what seemed like an age, Denver finally spoke.</p><p>"Brittany I am so <em>so</em> sorr…"</p><p>"Save it Den" Brittany cut in sharply "I don't want your apologies or your excuses. I just want to know what happened"</p><p>She knew Santana would be so proud of her strength.</p><p>And so, Denver told her everything. How he had slept with this girl Megan at one of his work conferences over a year ago. He blamed it all on the stresses of work, assuring Brittany it was nothing to do with her. He promised it was just a one-night thing, but Megan was always wanting more, and he was about to block her number when she told him she was pregnant. When he rebutted Megan's advances for something more once again, she turned nasty, and told him that he couldn't see the baby. There wasn't much contact until the baby was born, when a DNA test confirmed the baby was his, but despite asking Denver for child support payments, she was still refusing to let him see his son. It was this that had made Denver so desperate for a child with Brittany, hoping he could replace the heartache he had, if he put his love into another child. It had started as soon as he found out Megan was pregnant, and only intensified when she'd given birth to their son. Brittany felt sick. Their plans for a child had all stemmed from Denver's adulterous ways, while she had been there foolishly thinking their baby was made from love. She almost felt the need to place her hand on her stomach and shield the child inside her from this revelation. After Denver had finished, Brittany asked the question that she was sure she knew the answer to, but needed to hear out loud.</p><p>"Were there other girls as well as this one?"</p><p>Denver simply looked down, causing Brittany to sarcastically laugh</p><p>"That's a yes then" she said, making sure her tone was harsh.</p><p>Denver had called her stupid so many times, and in that moment, Brittany felt he was right to call her it. She really had been stupid. All the times people would say to her "I would hate if my partner had to work away as much as yours seems too. I couldn't trust him" and she had simply laughed it off with <em>"No, not my Den. I trust him with anything".</em> All these conferences, work dinners. Were they really that? Or were they just excuses to get with a whole hoard of other women.</p><p>Then she found herself wondering if it was her fault. She may have never physically cheated on Denver, but could she really say the same emotionally? She had been in love with her best friend for years, all unbeknownst to Denver. Wasn't that infidelity in itself?</p><p>Or maybe Denver did know, and that's why he had done what he did? Brittany shook her head, for the first time in ages in this relationship, her head suddenly felt clear and it was like an epiphany moment. Yes, she had harboured secret feelings for her best friend, she could admit she was guilty of that, but she never acted on it. She had never not loved Denver with everything in her being. She had never not been a loyal and loving girlfriend. She had never talked down to him, called him stupid or made him feel inadequate or small. She had never got angry with him if he came home later than she expected, or got too drunk. But these were all things, that he had done to her. Infidelity aside, their love had been lost ages ago, and Brittany was finally seeing it all now. Being back here with Santana and Mila and her family close-by, feeling happy despite the pain of all this, suddenly made her realise how desperately unhappy she was in New York with Denver.</p><p>"It was just the stresses of work…but I promise I can change. We can get couple's therapy or…" Denver trailed off, interrupting Brittany's chain of thought.</p><p>"You know what Denver, this is well and truly over, and I think you know it is. There's no way I can take you back after this. Not only have you been unfaithful, but you've lied and humiliated me for months. You pushed me into trying for a baby with you, when I had told you I wasn't quite ready, all to compensate for something you were feeling. Caused by a mistake you made" Brittany stopped to compose herself, her emotions getting the better of her. She had managed to stay fairly cool so far, and she didn't want her mask to slip.</p><p>"And actually, I've realised, it's not just about the cheating" Brittany continued "I think we both know this relationship has been dead and loveless for a long time now. I've certainly realised that anyway. I wasn't happy, and clearly you weren't happy either. The difference is, I didn't go have sex with somebody else to compensate"</p><p>"Brittany I…"</p><p>"Denver just stop" Brittany raised her hand "I've cried so many tears, about the way you've made me feel before. When you've talked down to me, when you've made me feel like I wasn't enough. And you have called me stupid so many times. But guess what? I'm not crying tears over this anymore. And…I'm not stupid. Because if I was, I'd be falling for all of this right now, and I'd be on my way back to New York with you. But I'm not. I'm done, and I am stronger without you"</p><p>Denver looked at the floor and removed his glasses to rub the tension from his forehead. He knew it was over. He knew he had lost the battle. He hesitantly looked up at Brittany again, needing to get these last words off his chest.</p><p>"I know I haven't been the best boyfriend to you. I know I've said things to hurt you and treated you in a way that no one should. All I can say is just that…yeah, I guess I was stressed and unhappy, and I took that out on you. And I know it's not an excuse, but I need you to know I genuinely am sorry Brittany. I did love you, and deep down I still do"</p><p>Brittany bit her lip and raised her eyes to the ceiling to stop more tears from flowing. For the first time in a long time, she genuinely believed Denver's apology. She knew he meant it.</p><p>"Well" Brittany cleared her throat "I just hope you take this as a lesson, to treat people better, and with more respect"</p><p>Denver nodded awkwardly, his eyes finding his feet again. Brittany felt the nerves in her stomach. She could sense the conversation coming to a natural end, and she knew she needed to tell him about the baby. It was now or never.</p><p>"What's really sad, is that if I hadn't been on your MacBook googling how big a baby is at 4 weeks pregnant, I wouldn't have even known about all this…"</p><p>Denver looked up, to be met with serious blue eyes.</p><p>"Why would you be googling that?" he frowned, as Brittany held his stare, waiting for him to work it out. She watched as his face went from one of confusion, to one of shock and realisation.</p><p>"Wait…what…Brit are you…?"</p><p>Brittany nodded before he could finish the question, causing Denver to gasp, holding his hand to his mouth in an exaggerated fashion.</p><p>"When did you find out?"</p><p>"The same day I found out you cheated" Brittany replied nonchalantly. This so wasn't her style to be this cut throat, but she knew Denver deserved it, and she was determined to channel her inner Santana Lopez.</p><p>"I don't even know what to say" Denver said shaking his head, before looking to Brittany "I mean it's great news of course! I'm just…shocked"</p><p>Brittany nodded, chewing her lip as she watched him. She wasn't really sure where to go from here.</p><p>"And everything is good with the baby?"</p><p>"Everything is fine, yes." Brittany replied. She didn't have the energy to go into detail with him about hearing the heartbeat, and coo over emotional moments. Maybe that would come in time, but not now.</p><p>"How many weeks gone are you?"</p><p>"Five"</p><p>"Okay…okay that gives us time" said Denver, the cogs turning in his head "Listen Brittany I know that things are over with us, and I know we have a lot to sort out, but I want you to know I'll deal with all the hard bits. The house and everything, you can keep it for you and the baby, I can move elsewhere. Even though we aren't together, I'll always be there for you both" he offered, the words speeding up as more thoughts came out.</p><p>It was the nicest Brittany had heard him be in years. Maybe this was going to make him change for the better? She could hope. But that would be for another woman to find out, not her.</p><p>"Actually…I'm still deciding at the moment if I want to raise the baby in New York or Lima. Being back here has been really good for me"</p><p>The hurt that flashed across Denver's face didn't go unnoticed.</p><p>"You understand why going back to New York could be quite hard for me right? And my main support network is going to be over here. I'm really going to need them with a new-born"</p><p>"I understand" Denver sighed "It's just the baby…I…will I…"</p><p>"I'm not Megan, Denver. I'm not going to stop you from seeing your child. You'll always be the baby's dad" said Brittany, knowing it was the burning question on Denver's mind.</p><p>Denver let out a sigh of relief. It wasn't the ideal situation, but it was more than he was getting with his son. And after everything he had done to Brittany, it was more than he could ask for right now.</p><p>After a few more baby questions, Denver left, the two of them emotionally drained. His only request was that Brittany kept him in the loop with everything, and informed him about the first scan, which Brittany thought was a fair ask.</p><p>She was sad that her long-term relationship had reached such a bitter end, but also relieved that the conversation was over, and that she was heading towards a new start. Just her and Little Poppy, surrounded by her loved ones. She had been proud of herself today, and she felt she could see everything clearly for the first time in years. As she let out a long sigh of relief, she tucked herself up on the sofa with a blanket and waited for Santana and Mila to get home.</p>
<hr/><p>Santana glanced over at Dani who was looking at her menu, trying to read her. She hadn't quite mastered the art of reading her as well as she could read Brittany yet. Then again, she had known Brittany for most of her life, it would probably never be the same. She had sensed some distance from her girlfriend all week, and she hoped tonight would help clear the air. She had left Mila in the capable hands of Quinn, knowing how much she loved spending time with her other Aunty, but also so she could have some alone time with Dani. She was worried that Mila's behaviour last week was causing Dani's upset, so tonight would be a chance to set that right.</p><p>When food was ordered, they fell into small talk, but Santana could definitely sense some awkwardness hanging in the air. Her Mexican Third Eye was telling her, and her Mexican Third Eye was never wrong.</p><p>"Is everything okay babe, you seem a little quiet?" Santana pressed, reaching out to take Dani's hand, which stiffened at her touch</p><p>"Yep…everything is fine" Dani smiled nervously, taking her hand from Santana's to run her fingers through her hair.</p><p>At this Santana felt herself harden. She was a tough nut to crack, and there were only certain people she would soften around. Her daughter, Brittany, her parents, her brother, Quinn on the odd occasion she had been upset. She had started letting Dani in to herself, and now Dani was putting walls up, which would inevitably do the same to Santana's.</p><p>"Brittany still staying with you then?" Dani asked nonchalantly</p><p>"Uh…yeah" Santana replied, confused by the question. Her girlfriend had barely said two words to her, and she wanted to talk about Brittany?</p><p>"Doesn't she have family here though?" Dani asked. She kept her tone light, but Santana could feel the question was loaded.</p><p>"Yeah she does but…Dani are you getting at something here?" Santana frowned</p><p>"No…no not at all, I just thought it must be pretty cramped at yours, having to share a bed when she could just go to her parents" Dani shrugged</p><p>Santana raised her eyebrow, not buying into Dani's casual demeanour.</p><p>"She's going through a tough time at the moment, I told you. And she needs my support" Santana replied, a little firmer than she would have liked "Besides her parents have a lot on their plate"</p><p>What Dani really wanted to reply, was that Santana had a lot on her plate too, but she dropped it. The food arrived, distracting them for a while, before the awkward silence started to swirl around them. Sensing Dani was going to say no more about the situation, Santana decided to change the subject to something more light-hearted, as she twirled her tagliatelle around her fork.</p><p>"I had a funny conversation with Mila earlier" she said, spooning the pasta into her mouth before continuing "She asked if I could have another baby so she could be a big sister" Santana laughed.</p><p>The look of horror on Dani's face, did not go amiss.</p><p>"What did you say?" Dani asked</p><p>"Well I said not right now obviously" Santana smiled "But maybe one day in the future"</p><p>An awkward silence swirled around them again before Dani spoke up</p><p>"Do you want more kids?"</p><p>"Well…I guess someday in the future; I'd like to, yes. But it's a long way off" Santana shrugged "How about you, do you want them?" she asked tentatively. She hadn't brought the conversation up as a tactical way to find out Dani's interest in children, she simply wanted a light-hearted conversation, but now they were here she was curious.</p><p>"God no!" Dani shrieked "I don't do babies. I mean of course Mila is so cute and I love her, but she's past the hard years. The sleepless nights, the screaming in public, the pitying stares from people. Part of the reason I thought you'd be so great is because you have one already, I figured you'd be fine not having anymore" she laughed.</p><p>Santana felt her heart sink. She knew she was wrong to do so, but she just assumed all women were maternal. Just like that, the awkward silence swirled around them once again.</p><p>"Does Brittany want kids?" Dani suddenly asked, causing Santana to snap her head up and frown. She momentarily panicked, thinking she must know about the pregnancy and it was a trick question, but then she realised something. Dani's frostiness all week, her constant questions about Brittany tonight, it all made sense.</p><p>"Dani, are you jealous of Brittany?" Santana asked gently, a demeanour which wasn't matched by Dani as she laughed sarcastically.</p><p>"Annnnnd finally…the penny drops"</p><p>"But…why?" Santana shook her head</p><p>"Oh, come on Santana, get real. I saw how you were around each other last weekend. The way you melt around her, the way she looks at you, the end of the night when you all cuddled up like a little family"</p><p>Now Santana really was frowning. <em>The way Brittany looked at her?</em> Brittany? The same Brittany who'd just had her heart broken by her long term boyfriend. She knew girls could jealous and a little crazy but…Dani was really reaching here.</p><p>"Dan come on…you're being silly. She's my best friend so, of course we're super close. She knows me better than anyone…but that's all there is to it"</p><p>"So, you don't have feelings for her then?" Dani probed; eyebrows raised. Santana felt her cheeks flush red at Dani's question.</p><p>"What!? No, of course not. She's my best friend, why would you even think that!?"</p><p>"And she doesn't have feelings for you?"</p><p>"Well now you <em>really</em> are being ridiculous…"</p><p>"Santana anyone with eyes can see that there's something more there. And guess what? I have EYES"</p><p>"Babe…I think you're just getting a little paranoid because of how close we are, and because she's staying with me for a while. I mean come on…for starters, Brittany is like…the straightest girl I know. Look Dani, I promise you, she's just my best friend, and a very important person in my life platonically. That's all it is"</p><p>"Well if that's all it is, why is she all you ever talk about? Why is it that when you stopped speaking, it was like your heart had been ripped out of your chest, and no matter what I did to help fix it, it only mended when she came back into your life? Why does your face soften, and your eyes light up, when you see her walk into a room? Why do you speak to her in a tone of voice that only seems to be reserved for her and Mila? And why is she the person who's made you cry the most, but seems to make you smile the most too?"</p><p>Santana swallowed; her heart was beating out of her chest. She didn't know she did <em>any</em> of that. Her breathing quickened, and she couldn't quite recognise her emotions, until suddenly everything all spilled out;</p><p>"You know what screw this! I've done nothing to make you doubt me, nothing at all! All I'm guilty of is helping my best friend, who just so happens to be going through hell at the moment, since she just found out her boyfriend of 6 years just cheated on her. Oh, and did I mention…that she's also pregnant with his child?" Santana paused, fully recognising her emotions now. She was <em>angry</em>, and she was <em>defensive</em> "So I'm sorry if you've noticed me being overly affectionate towards my best friend, but right now she needs me! If you really think with all <em>that</em> going on, she has time to be having some illicit affair with me then…Do you know what, I don't even know what to say to you anymore Dani"</p><p>And with that Santana stood up from the table and stormed out, leaving Dani to take care of the cheque. It wasn't until she had got in her car, started driving and calmed down, that she realised she had told Dani about Brittany in her moment of rage. She felt so guilty, and she just hoped Brittany wouldn't be too mad at her. Right now, she needed a Brittany cuddle, but even more so she needed to push the night behind her and be there for Brittany. Her evening with Denver was sure to have been even tougher.</p>
<hr/><p>With Mila safely tucked up in bed, Santana and Brittany were comfy on the couch, as Brittany relayed everything that had happened with Denver. She had decided she wouldn't tell her about her argument with Dani, she had enough going on with Denver, and Santana wanted to be the one to support her not push more issues onto her.</p><p>"What an absolute <em>fuck</em>! I can't believe him!" Santana raged</p><p>"I know…you couldn't write it" Brittany laughed sadly</p><p>"I really am so sorry babe. Honestly, I want to call him up right now and go all Lima Heights but…I'm staying calm and I'm focusing my energy on you" Santana soothed, reaching out to rub Brittany's arm.</p><p>"Babe, don't be. I've come to terms with it now. If I'm being completely honest, he wasn't the best boyfriend recently anyway"</p><p>"How do you mean?" Santana frowned; the concern visible on her face.</p><p>"Well…that night when you heard us arguing. I…might have lied when I told you he didn't speak to me like that often. In the past year or so, there was a lot of that" she admitted</p><p>"Brittany…" Santana sighed sadly "What kind of things did he say to you?"</p><p>"He just…called me stupid a lot. Talked down to me, made me feel like I was dumb and unimportant. That things needed to be done his way, and if I didn't comply, I was a bad girlfriend…" Brittany trailed off, tears brimming her eyes as she wondered to herself why she had put up with it for so long. Santana immediately scooped Brittany up into her arms.</p><p>"I knew something wasn't right" Santana sighed "I should have saw through it and…"</p><p>"No Santana, you can't blame yourself. The thing is, you did see through it, and you tried to make me see too. You tried and…look what happened. We argued because of him"</p><p>"Well never again" Santana stiffened</p><p>"No. Never again" Brittany repeated firmly, melting the Latina back into her.</p><p>"There's so much I want to say to that boy" Santana began, fists clenched until Brittany's touch calmed her again.</p><p>"There's no point San. Everything has already been said. I called him out on it and…he actually apologised. He acknowledged he was wrong, and I actually believe he means it. I don't think he ever meant to hurt me, not really, he just deals with things in unhealthy ways. He put me down, to fuel his own ego. He's not a bad person, not deep down…"</p><p>"Well I find that hard to believe" Santana scoffed, before looking into Brittany's aqua eyes made her soften "That's one of the things I love about you though, you see the good in everyone"</p><p>Brittany smiled; her own eyes boring into Santana's chocolate ones.</p><p>"And one of the things I love about <em>you</em>, is how strong you are. The way you stick up for yourself, the people that you love, the way you fight for what's right. I really tried to channel you today when I was with him. I think you would have been proud"</p><p>"I'm <em>always</em> proud of you" Santana replied.</p><p>She watched a smile find its way onto Brittany's face, as she gently tucked some hair out of her face.</p><p>"I want you to know how special and loved and beautiful you are" Santana began "I don't want any of this with Denver to make you think otherwise okay? You're one in a million Brit, and you know what he doesn't deserve you, and he <em>never</em> has"</p><p>"Thanks San" Brittany smiled appreciatively, her best friend always had a way with words, whilst she was more of an 'actions speak louder' person. They were the true epitome of Yin and Yang. Together, they complimented each other so well.</p><p>"From now on, Denver will be known only as Douchever" Santana smiled proudly at her creation, always one for making up nicknames for people she couldn't tolerate. Brittany laughed, welcoming the light change of mood.</p><p>"And guess what, It's Douchever's loss, because there's plenty more guys out there who are going to snap you right up!"</p><p>Brittany laughed, before hesitating for a moment.</p><p>"Or girls…" she added quietly, causing Santana to snap her head up and look at her with confusion.</p><p>"Well I am bisexual Santana" Brittany laughed nervously, as if Santana should have known all along and it wasn't news to her.</p><p>"Since when?" Santana frowned, before realising her reaction was perhaps a little harsh for someone who had just come out</p><p>"Sorry Brit, I mean…That's great I just…I'm a little shocked that's all. How long have you known this for?" Brittany had shown no signs of liking girls in High School, Santana mused, she had only ever got with guys. Then shortly after had entered a relationship with Denver and been with him ever since, so she was confused about when she'd come to this realisation. Was it a new thing?</p><p>"Since Senior Year" Brittany shrugged, answering Santana's question</p><p>"What!?" Santana exclaimed; she certainly wasn't expecting that. And she didn't understand why Brittany wouldn't tell her, they told each other everything. She hadn't even told her when Santana had come out as a lesbian herself. Again, realising her reaction was perhaps a little too much, she softened.</p><p>"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked gently</p><p>"I just didn't think it was that big of a deal" Brittany shrugged again "I always just figured I'd introduce you to who I was dating at the time"</p><p>Santana nodded understandingly. It made sense, and sounded like the most Brittany thing ever, even though she'd always for sure thought she was straight.</p><p>"The one time I came close to telling you, was when you came out. I thought it might help you to think you could relate to someone, but then I didn't want to make it all about me and turn it into a 'double coming out' or something"</p><p>"Brit that's so sweet that you wanted to do that to help me" Santana smiled, squeezing Brittany's hand lightly "I'm just happy whenever you're happy okay? Whoever that's with"</p><p>"I know San, and that's the same for you"</p><p>"Come here" Santana said, pulling Brittany into a hug. It had been yet another emotional rollercoaster "Proud of you" she whispered</p><p>"I'm proud of you too" Brittany replied. And she was proud. Proud of her every day. Proud to call her, her best friend.</p>
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<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Chapter 28</h2></a>
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  <strong>This chapter is written a little differently. I wanted to use first person to really get down to how both girls were feeling in these pivotal points in their story. Next chapter will be back to normal.</strong>
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  <strong>Also- I'll try my best to stick to the daily updates, but work got a little more hectic recently, and I've ran out of the large pre-written chunk I had. Still at most, it should be every couple of days, but I'll always try for daily :)</strong>
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  <strong>As always, hope you enjoy!</strong>
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  <strong>Santana's POV</strong>
</p><p>I shuffled around in the bed, turning my neck to check my phone which was on the bedside table.</p><p>02:03 the time read. How can it be? It feels like I've been laying here for ages, trying my best to let sleep take over me, but my mind just wasn't letting it happen. I was on overdrive tonight, and I had no idea why. I sighed as I put down my phone; it was going to be a long night. I turned to face Brittany. I admired the way the moonlight crept through the gap in the curtains, ever so slightly illuminating her features. Her face looked relax and content, and her hand had subconsciously made its way to her stomach, and I was finding it adorable. I was just happy that someone here was getting a good nights' sleep. It was the first time all week I had seen her look this relaxed, all the worries and doubts over her situation faded away, now that she had spoken to Douchever.</p><p>Hearing what Brittany had told me earlier about his mistreatment of her made me so angry. How could he treat someone as pure, beautiful and innocent as Brittany like that? She's everything that's good in the world. There were more than a few words I wanted to say to him, that's for sure.</p><p>That got me thinking about my own argument with Dani. The argument we'd had earlier was the first red flag in our relationship, and it made me wonder if it was the end of the road for us. Brittany and Denver's relationship was fine proof of what happened if you ignored red flags. My best friend who deserved the world, had ended up unhappy, and that shouldn't have ever happened. I didn't want that to happen to me either.</p><p>Then I thought about how I had accidentally blurted out about Denver's cheating and Brittany's pregnancy in a rage and felt guilty. I really hadn't meant to; it had just come flying out. I couldn't believe the things Dani was seriously saying about me and Brit, <em>I mean come on!?</em></p><p>As I watched Brittany, seemingly in a peaceful sleep, I made a silent vow that no one would ever hurt her again. Least of all me. Then just like that, she opened her eyes. I had always thought Brittany had some weird ability to read my mind and sense things, and this was one of them.</p><p>"I know you're watching me" Brittany let out a knowing smile, and I chewed my lip nervously at being caught, before Brittany reached out her hand to find mine.</p><p>"Tell me what's on your mind" she said softly, and I let out a sigh. I really didn't want to cause her any more pain, not tonight, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep without getting this off my chest. And if I wasn't sleeping, neither was she, now she had sensed my worry. She needed her sleep more than ever now, for her, and for Little Poppy.</p><p>"Brittany, I have to tell you something" I gulped, and I watched her soft facial expression turn to one of concern, which didn't make the situation any easier.</p><p>"Dani and I…we had a bit of an argument earlier" Brittany reached out to touch me, but I gently stopped her. I didn't want her to console me, that wasn't the reason I was telling her this. I didn't want anything that made this about me, instead of her "It's not a big deal don't worry, I'm fine" I assured her, but I knew she was unconvinced. Her own situation aside, Brittany was the type of person who <em>always</em> put others before herself. I loved it about her, but I also wished she'd let me just take care of her more.</p><p>"It's just that…as part of the argument, I ended up blurting out a few things" <em>shit</em>, this was really hard to say, but I knew I needed to spit it out because Brittany was looking at me questioningly. I didn't really want to go into too much depth, about how Dani had some crazy theory we had feelings for each other. I mean, that could totally freak Brit out, and I didn't want that.</p><p>"Dani was just getting on at me a bit about you staying here, I think she's just missing me a bit that's all, and obviously she doesn't know the reason you're staying here so long…so I…I ended up going all Lima Heights and blurting out about the baby and what had happened with Denver. I'm so sorry Brit, you know how I can be when Snixx takes over me, but it's not an excuse. I just wanted her to know why you needed to be here and that she was out of line even bringing it up…" I trailed off, looking into Brittany's aqua eyes in a bid to read her and gage her reaction. Brittany's eyes were the key to her soul, and I could usually tell her every emotion through looking into them, but right now the darkness of the room was preventing me from doing that.</p><p>"Brit…I'm so sorry if I've hurt you. I've been tossing and turning all night over it. I can make sure Dani tells no one else…"</p><p>"No San it's okay I'm not mad at you" Brittany suddenly interrupted me.</p><p>I was relieved but confused.</p><p>"You're not?" I asked tentatively, to which Brittany shook her head.</p><p>"No, I mean, it wouldn't be something I'd have told her myself but…I understand. And she would have found out eventually. The thing I am concerned about is that she's not happy about me being here. I don't want to come between you two…"</p><p>As I realised where Brittany was going with this, I interrupted her so fast that I nearly gave myself whiplash from the way my neck snapped to look up at her. There was n<em>o way </em>Brittany was going to feel bad about this. I actually found myself feeling pretty angry at Dani, for making my best friend think this way.</p><p>"Brit no stop! Please don't think any of this is your fault okay? This is just Dani overreacting because she hasn't seen me this week as much as she would usually, and I think to be honest. the way Mila behaved upset her, especially because she saw how close she is to you"</p><p>Brittany let out a sad smile unconvinced, and I gently raised her chin so that she would look at me. I needed her to feel my conviction in this.</p><p>"I don't care what Dani thinks Brit. You needed me, and I'll be here for you as long as you need me because as you already know, you're my favourite person in the whole world alongside Mila, and you're my best friend. I'm not going to let that change because of a girl I've been in a relationship with for all of five minutes"</p><p>I watched Brittany closely, searching her face for signs that she believed me. It looked like she was closer to being convinced, but then her face dropped</p><p>"But she's your girlfriend..."</p><p>"She is" I nodded "And I love her Brit, I really do but…I loved you first. You're the one who's been my side through all of the highs and lows, not her. You really think if it was a competition, that I'd ever pick <em>anyone</em> else over you? Never Brittany. I'd choose you over everyone." I said firmly, watching as Brittany's face softened at the words. I knew she believed me now.</p><p>"I'd choose you too" she replied, giving my hand a squeeze.</p><p>I adjusted myself to rest in the crook of Brittany's neck, hoping the warmth and safety of her arms would help me to sleep, before getting the last of my words off my chest. The soft strokes of Brittany's hands running down my arm encouraged me further.</p><p>"You always taught me not just to exist because, I'm worth so much more than that. Without you Brit, I just…exist"</p><p>"And without you in my life, I just exist too San." Brittany replied, in a manner so factual, it was as if she was telling me the sky was blue. I knew she meant it, and she wasn't just repeating what I said.</p><p>"I love your way with words San, and how you made me feel like the most special girl in the world. But I'm so tired. Can we sleep now?" Brittany asked, stifling a yawn. I could see her eyes were already starting to droop, and I felt guilty for keeping her up so long. Hopefully now that I had told her about the Dani situation, I'd be able to sleep.</p><p>"Course Brit"</p><p>"And you're going to sleep now too? You've been restless all night"</p><p>"Yes, don't worry. I'll sleep now too"</p><p>Before I had even finished the sentence, I heard Brittany's light snores, signalling she was in fact already asleep. Pregnancy does that to you.</p><p>"Night <em>baby</em>" I whispered.</p><p>As I realised what I had just said, and felt my inner panic take over. Since when did I call Brittany that!? I never even called Dani it, and she was my girlfriend. I put it down to the emotions of the night, glad that Brittany didn't hear me. It was just a pet name, no big deal, but I knew I had been extra soft tonight. Dani was right about one thing; Brittany did make me go soft. I just couldn't help it. If Snixx was my angry alter ego, I needed an alternative version that came out around Brittany, because there for sure was one.</p><p>But Brittany had been in my life since childhood, and she was so innocent and naïve. She needed a protector, and that was me. That was why I was so soft around her, I reasoned.</p><p>I looked at the time again. Almost 3. I had promised Brittany I'd sleep, but I still couldn't, despite my best efforts. I began to realise my buzzing mind wasn't due to my guilt on telling Brittany's 'secrets', well not all of it anyway. It was Dani's comments about my relationship with Brittany, that my mind was spinning over and over.</p><p><em>"</em><em>Oh, get over yourself Santana" </em>I told myself <em>"You're really going to listen to somebody who has only known you a couple of months"</em></p><p>But then I remembered that Quinn had made a similar comment about it too, when I had come out to her. Was everybody else seeing something that I wasn't?</p><p>And now that Brittany had so casually dropped a bombshell that she's Bi, and known this for years, I was really starting to wonder.</p><p>I was sure that Brittany couldn't like me, because she had been with Denver for so long. Unless she had liked me in High School, but she would have told me. Brittany was the most honest person I knew, and things like that didn't bother her. And all that was years ago anyway.</p><p>But did I like her? Surely not. She was just Brittany. Childhood best friend Brittany. My beautiful, safe, reliable Brittany.</p><p>Nothing could ever get in the way of that.</p><p>I tossed and turned all night with these thoughts, going over everything in my head, wondering if everyone could see something that Brittany and I couldn't.</p><p>I wasn't sure when sleep finally found me, or how long I had been asleep when I heard Brittany shouting my name.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Brittany's POV</strong>
</p><p>When I awoke and checked the time, it was just past 6am. Santana was still in my arms, and one look at her told me she was finally asleep. I wasn't so sure it was a peaceful one, by the way her brow furrowed inking slight creases into her forehead. I ever so softly pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead, to try and ease whatever worries she was having. It seemed to work and etch its way into her unconscious mind, as I watched her face soften slightly, a slight curl of her mouth.</p><p>Last night neither of us had slept so well. Tiredness had overtaken me, and I had managed to fall asleep straight away, but I could somehow sense Santana's restlessness. When I woke up and sensed her watching me, I urged her to tell me her worries, the way I always did. Nervously, her worries spilled out, just like they always did.</p><p>I found it sweet the way she had panicked herself over this, she really did care about me so much, but I of course didn't want her to worry either. I assured her straight away that everything was fine, and I wasn't mad about it. Dani was going to have to find out anyway, and I knew Santana had just been sticking up for me. What did bother me, and I had expressed this to Santana, was the comments from Dani that started the argument in the first place.</p><p>I really didn't want to be stepping on anyone's toes, but I knew that in Dani's eyes, that's exactly what I was doing. I was staying in her girlfriends' bed every night, while Santana hadn't even allowed her to stay the night yet, always thinking of Mila first. I was the one holding her girlfriend at night and waking up to her at morning. I was the one who she was coming home from work too. I was the one she was talking to about her day. I was the one having dinner with her every night.</p><p>If I was being honest, it felt like heaven to me. Like I was finally happy. It almost felt like we had a little family dynamic going on. Of course, I knew, this couldn't last forever. But for now, I was in my bubble and I no intention of anyone breaking it.</p><p>I pictured an alternate universe. One where when I had told Santana I was bi tonight, she had turned around with tears brimming her eyes, and said she had been waiting to hear those words since forever. We'd kiss, but this time, there would be no regret and no next morning denial. That would be it, the start of everything. The start of our lives together.</p><p>We'd get married pretty quick, but nobody would question it, because they could all see what we had between us, before we even had. To them it would be long awaited and, "about <em>freakin'</em> time!"</p><p>We'd spend family days with Mila. Trips to the park, movie days all cuddled up, a special Christmas just the three of us. Our happiness would make us go to town on spoiling Mila that year. Santana would moan as more and more parcels came to the door and sigh "Brit, what have you brought now!?" but secretly, she would love it. She loved indulging her daughter just as much as I did, as long as Mila was grateful. The biggest present though, would be Santana and Mila's gift to me, when they would present me a card that asked me to adopt Mila. And I'd cry harder than I've ever cried before, but of course it would be a yes. The easiest yes.</p><p>We'd prepare for Little Poppy's arrival, Santana protecting and guiding me through. She would probably snap at anyone who came within three inches of me, and this would get worse as my bump grew. She'd hold my hand in labour, and cry as the baby was born. We'd raise the child together, of course. Santana would be Mama; I would be Mommy. That's right our little girl was going to have three parents. Yes, I said little girl. I know my own intuition, and that doesn't change in an alternate universe.</p><p>And then the four of us would do life together, living in a constant happiness.</p><p>Mila would have her baby sister</p><p>Santana would finally have her doubts eased about Mila only having one parent</p><p>And I would have my childhood sweetheart, at last.</p><p>It was the perfect situation, except of course it wasn't reality. I just hoped the Alternate Universe versions of us, knew how truly lucky they were. Maybe things would lead us to each other one day though. But why not now? The timing seemed perfect. I had split from Denver; Santana had argued with Dani. Santana had always talked about fate and everything happening for a reason. Well maybe this was it. Maybe the stars were about to align for us.</p><p>I worried that Dani knew about my feelings for Santana. I always thought they were hidden well, considering Santana never picked up on it, but maybe Dani's Gaydar was more in tune. Maybe she saw the longing looks I gave her. The way my touch would always linger a little longer than necessary, even with actions as simple as passing her a plate. The way I would smile whenever she laughed, because I had never heard a more beautiful sound before. Maybe that's why she had a problem with me staying here so much. Maybe she would tell Santana, and our friendship would be ruined. She'd feel like it was all a lie. She'd never see our friendship in the same light if she knew I'd been secretly pining for her, for years now.</p><p>As always, Santana had managed to quell my doubts with her words. She never failed to make me aware of just how important I was to her, and how wherever life would take us, I would be deeply rooted in hers, and she in mine. Our friendship had stood the test of time, and so her loyalty to me would stand with it. But her kind words almost made me sad. I was so important to her, more so than her girlfriend, she had pointed out. So then why couldn't Dani and I switch positions? Why was she Santana's girlfriend, and not me?</p><p>Since splitting with Denver my yearning for Santana had increased and I was well aware of that.</p><p>But once again, Santana quashed my sadness with her warm words. When she told me that she would choose me over everyone, I felt tingles throughout my whole body. My love language was predominantly through actions, but it was like Santana always knew when I needed to hear something. And I never tired of hearing her beautiful words. On this occasion, they were more heartfelt then they had ever been before. It felt like such an intimate moment between us, and I wondered if the timing had anything to do with it. It was 2am, and there was just something about deep talks in the middle of the night. It was almost like you could be more vulnerable during Pillow Talk. Whatever was said, could be forgotten in the morning if you wanted it to be, brushed away as a dream.</p><p>I almost wanted to be vulnerable with myself in that moment and tell her exactly how I felt about her. How I had been in love with her since we were at least 16. How I had visited her at the Yoghurt Shop she was working at part time for extra money, just as I always did. On this particular occasion, on the end of Santana's shift, her boss had let us eat all the yoghurt that was about to expire. Of course, there was too much for us to eat, there's only so much yoghurt you can handle, so we had ended up having a mini food fight. When I looked at her with the yoghurt dotted at the end of her nose, her loud laugh ringing in my ears as she wiped away the mess from her teal shirt, that's when I knew. That's when I knew I was in love with Santana Lopez. I'd try push the thought away for ages, but in hindsight, I know that was the moment I realised my love for her was deeper than friendship. I probably loved her before that, I'd probably loved her forever, but that day will always be burned in my mind.</p><p>Of course, I didn't tell her. Instead I made my excuses to go to sleep, because I genuinely was tired. But also, because I was scared.</p><p>I didn't feel it was fair to say it, when she had a girlfriend, and she just so happened to have had an argument with said girlfriend. I didn't want to confuse her or cause her any conflict. It wouldn't have been fair to lay my feelings on her then, when she most probably wouldn't be thinking straight after the argument.</p><p>She'd also probably think <em>I</em> wasn't thinking straight either, being that I'd only split up with Denver a few hours before. But of course, I'd know I was. I've known this feeling for years now. I live with it.</p><p>And I couldn't even bare to think about a rejection. Her beautiful brown eyes pitying me as she hurt me and told me she didn't feel the same. I would know she'd hate every minute of it, because she'd never want to hurt me like that, but she'd have to be honest and be her authentic self. "I can't lead you on Brit" she'd probably tell me.</p><p>Or worse still, what if she reacted badly. What if she no longer wanted me in her life anymore. Our indescribable friendship ruined. Gone forever.</p><p>No. I couldn't. It wasn't the right time.</p><p>It would probably never be the right time. I knew that. But I switched my mind off and allowed sleep to wash over me, until now. 6am, where I lay awake with my mind swirling once more.</p><p>I clutched my stomach and remembered the reason that I had been woken in the first place. These stomach cramps were getting worse. I'd had them all day yesterday, and they seemed to be intensifying. The good news was, they had replaced my morning sickness. Yesterday had been the first day of the week that I hadn't thrown up. I didn't know what was worse. Pregnancy definitely wasn't treating me well, but I knew it would all be worth it.</p><p>I quietly slipped out of bed, careful not to wake Santana, hoping a trip to the bathroom might help my cramps subside a little. I really wanted to get a few more hours of sleep.</p><p>And that's when my world went black. When I looked down and I saw it.</p><p>And suddenly the room was spinning, my head faint, my heart thumping in my ears.</p><p>I stood up when I couldn't look any longer, using the sink to steady myself. I splashed water on my face to calm myself and stared at myself in the mirror. My breathing heavy as anxious tears filled my eyes.</p><p>And then my voice found its strength, and I called out for her.</p><p>And she must have been able to sense the worry, because she ran so quick, she almost slipped on the tiles.</p><p>And as her concerned brown eyes searched mine for what was wrong, a desperate sob escaped my lips.</p><p>"Santana...I'm bleeding"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Chapter 29</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter Warning: Sensitive content ahead around pregnancy loss</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Santana stood frozen as she watched Brittany's face, full of fear and worry. The blonde pleading to Santana with her eyes, to help her. To tell her everything was going to be okay. And then Santana snapped out of her daze, going into autopilot. She gently pushed Brittany back to sit on the closed lid of the toilet seat.</p><p>"How much blood Brit?" she asked softly, as she bent down to Brittany's level, her hands placed firmly on Brittany's shoulders.</p><p>"I…I…don't know…quite a bit…I think" Brittany stuttered, clearly in shock.</p><p>"Okay. Okay Brit, listen I want you to try not to worry okay? Lots of women experience bleeding and spotting early on in their pregnancy. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with the baby, so I need you to try not to panic" Santana soothed, trying the best to channel her dad's calming nature. Inside, she was panicking too, but she needed to be strong for Brittany.</p><p>Brittany nodded through her tears, as she listened to Santana. She was so scared. Santana looked at her watch to check the time. It was approaching 06:30am so it was still early, but she knew Quinn would be awake. She liked to get up early on a morning to go to the gym, but if she was quick, they'd be able to catch her before she left.</p><p>"What we're going to do is we're going to get you dressed, then I'm going to call my dad and see if he can get us in at the hospital. It's just a precaution honey, we just want to get you checked out, see what's going on there. But it could be nothing, and until we know, I really want you to keep thinking positive okay?" she explained slowly, her thumbs gliding across Brittany's bare shoulders in an attempt to comfort. "We can drop Mila at Quinn's house on the way. Come on, let's get you dressed" she said softly.</p><p>She stood Brittany up, the overwhelming desire to take care of her so prevalent.</p><p>"Promise me the baby is going to be okay San, just promise me?" Brittany pleaded, her voice ragged and desperate. And Santana felt broken. She wanted so badly to promise Brittany that, but for the first time ever, she couldn't.</p><p>"I promise you that we're going to the best place for you, and I'm going to make sure you get the best care, and I'll be there every step of the way"</p><p>It was the best she could do, and Brittany nodded, her face crumpling. It was a sight that Santana couldn't stand to see, and she wrapped Brittany up in her arms and held her so tight. The sound of Brittany's scared sobs cut deep like a knife. Little Poppy had to be okay, they just had to be.</p><p>When Brittany was dressed and ready to go, she led her to the car, before running back in to get Mila. She hated leaving Brittany alone even for two minutes. Mila was still of course fast asleep, so she picked her up trying not to wake her, but the little girl was a light sleeper.</p><p>"Mama?" she questioned sleepily</p><p>"Shhh, go back to sleep baby girl. Mama has somewhere she needs to go with Aunty Brit-Brit, but don't worry. You're going to have a fun day with Aunty Quinn, but it's very early so you can stay sleeping"</p><p>Mila looked at her mother questioningly but didn't press her on the issue. Santana let out a sigh of relief as she watched Mila close her eyes again. She picked up a blanket and carried her out, still in her pyjamas. She carefully put her in the back seat of the car in her car seat, and wrapped the blanket around her, before rushing back around to the front of the car.</p><p>Brittany only been on her own for a few minutes, but it was a few minutes too long. She checked Mila through the rear-view mirror, happy to see she was still sleeping, and placed a comforting hand on Brittany's leg, offering her a gentle squeeze.</p><p>She felt guilty for worrying Quinn. It wasn't like she ever usually dropped her child around at this hour, still sleeping and in her pyjamas, offering little to no explanation. But she couldn't just tell her the full story, it wasn't her business to do that. All she could do was thank her for looking after Mila and promise her she'd explain properly later. Then, when Mila had gone, she had called her dad to tell him that she and Brittany were coming in and needed to see someone right away in the Emergency Department for Brittany. Luckily, he did know about Brittany's pregnancy, because Brittany had entrusted him and Maribel earlier on, knowing George was a doctor and wanting his involvement where possible. She was close to them since childhood, so it had almost been as exciting telling them, as it was her own parents.</p><p>When they arrived at the hospital, they were able to be seen quickly, due to George's request. He worked in the Neurology Department himself, but he was a very well respected, long established Doctor at Lima Memorial Hospital, so he had contacts within all departments. Both Brittany and Santana were very grateful for this, because the waiting and the not knowing was the hardest part.</p><hr/><p>Santana never let go of Brittany's had once as she was led to a private room, where she'd be examined, after answering some basic questions. She was given three cups of water to drink to prepare for the ultrasound, and a blood test was given so they could get a better view of the hCG levels.</p><p>"You're okay babe" Santana soothed, caressing Brittany's hand as the needle went in, knowing how much she hated them.</p><p>"I'd take a thousand needles right now, if it meant Little Poppy was okay" Brittany smiled sadly, unfazed by the needle in her arm, for the first time ever.</p><p>"Right Miss Pierce, if you'd like to roll your shirt up for me and we'll take a look at what's going on" the Sonographer said kindly, entering the room to take over from the Doctor.</p><p>Santana watched as Brittany squeezed her eyes shut tight. She wasn't sure if it was from the shock of the cold gel that the Sonographer had just applied, or from the pain of everything, the anticipation of what was about to come. In a few minutes time Brittany would either be flooded with relief or she'd have her heart broken into absolute pieces. Santana could only pray it was the former, and she brought Brittany's hand up to her lips and placed a gentle kiss on it, as they waited in apprehension.</p><p>As the Sonographer ran the doppler over Brittany's stomach, Santana could barely stand the silence.</p><p>"What can you see?" she asked nervously, glancing towards the screen.</p><p>"Well we can't see anything clear, but that's common this early on in pregnancy. At 5 weeks 6 days, which is what your estimated dates are, we can only really see the sac. Just try to relax" said the Sonographer, offering a warm smile towards both girls, as she continued to move the doppler around.</p><p>They waited in silence, desperate for a positive sign, Santana's hand still gripping onto to Brittany tightly. Suddenly, the tears started trickling down Brittany's face.</p><p>"I can't hear anything" she sobbed, looking towards Santana desperately. Santana looked down, quick to stop her own tears and stay strong for Brittany. She couldn't find the right words to comfort, so instead she just squeezed her hand even tighter.</p><p>"Miss Pierce, try to stay calm" said the nurse "it's also not always possible to detect a heartbeat this early on. Sometimes it can't be heard clearly until after the 7-week mark at least. I'm going to suggest a transvaginal ultrasound. It's a little more uncomfortable, but we should be able to take a better look at things for you"</p><p>Brittany nodded meekly. She just wanted answers, and she wanted them now.</p><p>"Go ahead and empty your bladder, and I'll go get things set up for you" the nurse encouraged, before heading out of the room.</p><p>Brittany looked at Santana uncertainly. She was so scared right now, that even the thought of walking the few steps to the adjoining bathroom and letting go of Santana's hand felt hard.</p><p>"I'll be right here sweetheart" Santana prompted, giving Brittany's hand another gentle squeeze. She'd lost count the amount of times she'd done that today. It seemed silly really, like a hand squeeze was going to make anything better. But Santana knew that her presence alone would be great comfort at this time.</p><p>"You heard what the Sonographer said" Brittany swallowed, looking down at her feet, unable to say the words.</p><p>Santana knew exactly what Brittany was referring to, and the worry had passed through her head too. They'd been able to pick a heartbeat up at the Doctor's office last week, so why couldn't they now?</p><p>"It's still very early on Brit, and the baby can change positions and move around. Maybe we just got lucky last time" she offered gently, but Brittany began to cry harder. She just knew that her baby was gone.</p><p>"Hey, hey, hey. Look at me" Santana said firmly, pushing Brittany's face up lightly so she could convince her with her eyes "We don't know anything yet, okay? This second ultrasound is going to give us a better idea"</p><p>Brittany nodded, and she wiped her tears, doing her best to stay strong. But when she went to the bathroom to empty her bladder as instructed, she noticed more blood and more fluid. And she collapsed into the wall as she cried, because she just knew that she was losing her baby.</p><p>But she held on to that tiny flicker of hope, as they performed the transvaginal scan, and she waited with bated breath for them to deliver the outcome. And when the silence got too much, she burst into hysterical tears.</p><p>"I know that I've lost the baby, I just know"</p><p>Santana was frantic, seeing Brittany like this was killing her. She felt out of control and helpless, like nothing she could do was going to help Brittany. She directed her anger towards the Technician instead.</p><p>"Well come on!? What do you see!?"</p><p>And as they looked back up with a stern face, Santana knew it was bad news.</p><p>"I'm so sorry Miss Pierce, we can't find a heartbeat" they admitted, and Brittany choked as she let out another sob. She knew it was coming but hearing it out loud was something she wasn't prepared for.</p><p>"Now, we'll need to wait for your test results to confirm everything. But on reading your notes and seeing a heartbeat was detected previously, it's likely that the pregnancy is no longer viable. I'm so sorry, once again"</p><p>And then Brittany let out a scream so loud, it was jarring. The kind of scream that instantly brought tears to Santana's eyes and her clenched fist to her mouth. The Technician hurriedly left the room to give them some space, and for the first time in their friendship, as Santana reached forward to hold Brittany, Brittany pushed her away. But Santana persisted, she knew Brittany needed her.</p><p>"It's okay Brit, I'm here, I'm here, It's okay" she repeated over and over again, until eventually Brittany gave in and collapsed into Santana, allowing herself to be comforted. And as Santana rocked her best friend gently, with tears in her eyes, she wondered what she was going to do to make her best friend feel okay again.</p><hr/><p>They had stayed like that for a while, until an exhausted Brittany had cried herself to sleep. Santana watched her, stroking her hair gently. How could the world be <em>this</em> cruel? Especially to someone as sweet and pure as Brittany. Nobody deserved this nightmare, but least of all her. She was just glad that right now Brittany was sleeping, and her mind was free of pain. Although she dreaded the moment where she would wake up and remember everything. She dreaded having to witness that pain flash across her best friend's face.</p><p>Feeling her emotions overtake her, she quickly left the room so not to wake Brittany with her sobs. She just needed a minute to let it all out, and then she could be strong for Brittany's sake. As she let the tears consume her body, sliding down the wall helplessly, she heard the familiar voice of her father.</p><p>"<em>Mija</em>?"</p><p>The sight of him only made her cry harder.</p><p>"Oh Papi" she sobbed "Brit lost the baby"</p><p>She watched as her dad's face filled with sympathy, and he bent down to comfort her, ignoring the stares of others who must have been thinking he was just a Doctor comforting a patient, overstepping the barrier of professionalism.</p><p>"Oh Santana, I'm so sorry. How is she doing?"</p><p>"It's awful Papi" Santana swallowed, subconsciously reverting back to the childhood name she had called her father, needing his comfort more than ever "I don't know how to take this pain from her. I don't know the right things to do or say, I just feel so helpless"</p><p>George nodded understandingly.</p><p>"You must try to be strong for her now Santana. She's really going to need you. She's going to have a lot of doubts and questions. Sometimes she will just want you to lend an ear, so she can express her grief. But she will get through this <em>Mija</em>. She is strong, and she has a great support system around her"</p><p>"It just doesn't seem fair" Santana shook her head "Why her? Why Brittany? She's such a good person. She would have made the best mommy"</p><p>"Unfortunately, <em>Corazoncita, </em>life is not fair. It doesn't pick and choose. Not every day is good, but we must choose to live on, and be strong"</p><p>Santana nodded, grateful for her father's words of wisdom as usual.</p><p>"Thank you Papi. I should go back in there, before she wakes up"</p><p>"Yes. You should. Be brave for her Santana, and together, you will get her through this"</p><p>And as Santana entered the room again, she felt a lot stronger that she was before she left. The emptiness inside her was now fuelled by a steely determination, to stand by Brittany's side and help her through this.</p><hr/><p>An hour later, the Doctor who had taken the blood test returned with the results. They had lost count of the amount of people that had seen them today, and it was annoying Santana that Brittany was having to see all these different people, all with the same sympathetic look. Why can't they just have one person for everything?</p><p>"Miss Pierce, Hello again"</p><p>"Please just…call me Brittany" Brittany winced, hearing Miss Pierce in that same clinical tone was starting to grind on her now.</p><p>"Sorry...Brittany it is" the Doctor apologised and corrected himself, before glancing warily at his clipboard "I have your test results back here, and unfortunately the tests do show that your hCG Levels have dropped significantly" he explained.</p><p>Santana watched Brittany carefully as she stroked her hand with her thumb. Brittany seemed to be taking the news better this time. Maybe she had prepared for it by now.</p><p>"Having spoken to the Sonographer who did your adnominal ultrasound, and the Technician who did your transvaginal ultrasound, it's conclusive that you are experiencing a miscarriage. I'm so sorry"</p><p>Brittany nodded, the tears found its way to her eyes again, but she managed to swallow and stifle the sob. She had braced herself for this, but the words still weren't easy to hear, and her mind was burning with questions.</p><p>"Was it something <em>I</em> did?"</p><p>"Brittany, of course not sweetheart!" Santana rushed to comfort her, but Brittany's gaze continued to pierce into the Doctor, desperate for answers.</p><p>"Miss Pierce…Brittany, sorry…these things just happen, and it's through no fault of our own. The test results show there were no issues with you and your body, but the foetus recently stopped developing. Now this could be down to a number of reasons; a cellular defect, foetal abnormalities, chromosomal imbalance…" he trailed off "unfortunately, miscarriages are more common than we think. But it's important that you don't blame yourself"</p><p>Brittany nodded again, trying her best to take the information in.</p><p>"So…what happens now?" she asked</p><p>"Well, it's just a case of waiting for the tissue to pass naturally. It can take up to three weeks but is usually complete by around two. We can book you an appointment in for then, to see how things are coming along. But if you have any symptoms like a high temperature or if the cramping suddenly gets very severe, or the bleeding gets significantly heavier, come back and see us right away" the Doctor answered.</p><p>"Tissue?" Brittany frowned, before the tears started flowing again "a few hours ago, it was my baby…now it's just...tissue"</p><p>Santana swooped forward to embrace Brittany. Her desire to comfort and touch her was overpowering.</p><p>"I'm so <em>so</em> sorry sweetie. But we're going to get through this together okay? You and me"</p><p>"Oh San, how can this be happening?" Brittany cried. And Santana shook her head, the tears trickling down her face silently, because for once she just didn't have an answer for Brittany.</p><hr/><p>After they had been discharged and sent on their way with various pamphlets, Santana had carefully driven them home. Now they were sat on the sofa together, Brittany curled up against Santana, looking so lost and vulnerable.</p><p>"Oh God…I need to tell Denver" she sat up suddenly, feeling panicked.</p><p>"Brit shh…you don't have to think about any of that right now. You've had a huge shock, and you need to process it"</p><p>"And my parents" Brittany sobbed</p><p>"Why don't we think about this later on? I can tell people for you if you're not feeling strong enough, but right now I just want you to think about you. I'm going to ask Quinn to hang on to Mila for the night, and then me and you can be alone. And it's up to you whatever you want to do darling. We can talk, we can sit in silence, we can keep busy. Whatever you want, I'm here for you. Unless of course you'd rather be with your Mom right now, and I can drive you there straight away"</p><p>Brittany shook her head frantically</p><p>"No! Don't leave me San. I just want you" she said, her voice so small.</p><p>"Hey" Santana grabbed Brittany's hands to calm her "I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm right here"</p><p>She pulled Brittany into her, and felt her relax against her, as they sat in a thoughtful silence.</p><p>"I didn't want a baby you know" Brittany suddenly said out of nowhere, causing Santana to look at her.</p><p>"It was Denver who wanted one, and I was so resistant for ages. When you said I was just trying for a baby just to save my relationship, you were completely right"</p><p>"Brit…" Santana began, but she was fast interrupted by Brittany. She could see in Brittany's eyes that she needed to say this, so she let her continue.</p><p>"I really wasn't ready for a baby but…as soon as I saw those two blue lines, I loved my baby instantly. And I just felt so ready, and so excited to welcome this little light into my life. Now I don't get the chance…" she trailed off.</p><p>Santana had tears down her face, listening to Brittany's raw admission, but she ignored them to wipe Brittany's instead.</p><p>"You're going to be an amazing Mommy one day Brit, I know you are" Santana lulled, and Brittany closed her eyes at her words.</p><p>"I feel like…I'm a Mommy already" Brittany admitted "As soon as I found out I was pregnant, that's what it felt like. I was a Mom and now suddenly…I'm not"</p><p>Santana shook her head softly.</p><p>"No Brit you're right. You are a Mom already. Because for those couple of weeks you had with Little Poppy…" she hesitated, hoping the use of the name wouldn't upset Brittany. She felt wrong referring to the baby as anything else now, and she was grateful to see Brittany felt the same way when she nodded her head to let her know it was okay.</p><p>"For those couple of weeks, you had with Little Poppy" she continued "You acted like a Mom. You gave up coffee straight away, you were reading all the baby books to prepare yourself. You changed your lifestyle around them, and you looked after them and kept them safe, until nature decided otherwise. But there's no doubt about it that you're a Mom now Brit, and if that's what you want to call yourself, then that's what you are" Santana encouraged, hoping Brittany would seek comfort from the words.</p><p>The blonde let out a hint of a smile, thankful, as she leaned her body against Santana again, falling into another silence.</p><p>"I was going to call her Poppy" Brittany began, still adamant the baby would have been a little girl "Poppy Diana. Poppy because, well it's obvious, we called her Little Poppy from the start so...it just felt right. And Diana...after you, so she could be strong and brave like her Aunty San" she smiled briefly, before the pain hit her again.</p><p>And Santana felt the tears brim her eyes once more, on this hugely emotional day. She was so touched that Brittany would name a child after her, and use the same middle name that she had. It had always been a running joke in her family that her middle name should have been Diabla, instead of Diana. Just like she should have been named Satan instead of Santana. But her full name was Santana Diana Lopez, a slight mouthful, but it was her name. And knowing Brittany was willing to give her perfect child that name; moved her to the core. She placed a soft kiss on Brittany's temple.</p><p>"Poppy Diana will <em>always</em>, always be loved Brit. Always loved, never forgotten."</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>A hugely upsetting chapter I know, trust me it was a hard write! </strong>
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  <strong>I'm currently working on a one-shot alongside this. It's not related at all to this story, it's more Canon Brittana, but it's very fluffy, so if I can get that up today as well. Maybe some light relief after this chapter. But I hope you are all still enjoying the story, and that you're having a great weekend! X</strong>
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<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Chapter 30</h2></a>
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  <strong>Hello, hello! Hope you're all having a good week. This chapter was initially longer, but I've ended up splitting it into two to give you something to go off now, since it's been a few days since my last update. I'm still working on the other part, as it's a pivotal part of the story, so needs to be good! I'll post the next part tomorrow, but I hope you enjoy a little something for now!</strong>
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  <strong>I also posted a 10-part Brittana canon compliant story yesterday, titled "Mine" if any of you wanted to check it out (completely unrelated to this, it's a work in it's own right). I love this story, and I'm excited to bring my readers on the journey of it, but I understand it can get incredibly angsty and these past couple of chapters have been sad in particular. I felt the need to write something fluffy, with a more instantaneous sense of happiness, and "Mine" was born. It's up now fully complete for anyone interested!</strong>
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  <strong>But now back to Invisible String...</strong>
</p><hr/><p>The next few days were the hardest of Brittany's life so far. She felt completely pained inside, and was extremely tearful.</p><p>"I just feel so empty San" she had said the day after they had returned from the hospital, when Santana had found her sitting on the bed crying.</p><p>Santana felt helpless. All she could do was reassure, comfort and love Brittany and offer herself as a pillar of support. It was so hard for her to see her best friend like this, but she needed to be strong for Brittany.</p><p>There were moments when they would talk lots and Santana would soothe Brittany with her words. There were moments when Brittany would talk, and Santana would just listen, and there were moments when there would be no talking about it at all. It would just be the physical comfort, that Brittany drew from Santana's presence.</p><hr/><p>One of the worst things about it all, had been telling people that the baby was gone. It made Brittany feel regretful, about the fact she had told people about her pregnancy so early on. The circumstances with Denver cheating had meant that she'd needed to tell people earlier than she would have under normal circumstances.</p><p>She probably would have waited on telling her parents, but because she had spontaneously arrived back in Lima, she couldn't not tell them what was going on.</p><p>Then she had ended up telling Santana's parents, and Mila had been told too to stop her worrying. If Denver hadn't cheated, she would have just stayed in New York and told them all after the 12-week mark, together as a couple.</p><p>All these people that knew, were now people she had to tell the sad news too. She had to watch their sympathetic looks and the awkwardness of them not knowing what to say, and relive those words over, and over again.</p><p>The day after they had received the news of the miscarriage, Santana had lightly encouraged Brittany that she should at least let her parents know. The rest could be dealt with later, but Santana knew that Brittany's parents would be a great source of support for her and deserved to know.</p><p>They had gone around that afternoon, Santana of course going with Brittany, to offer her support. She thought at one point, the words were going to have to come from her, but Brittany had managed to do it. What came next was lots of tears and cuddles, as expected. The Pierce's wanted Brittany to come home so they could take care of her, but Brittany had shaken her head.</p><p>"Santana is looking after me amazingly, and I love you mom and dad but…I really need her right now" she had explained.</p><p>"Of course, sweetheart. Whatever you need around you to get through this, you go ahead and do it" Whitney smiled.</p><p>Naturally, as Brittany's parents they wanted to take care of her, but it was up to Brittany to make her own choices, and they knew Santana was more than capable of taking care of their daughter.</p><p>"I'll look after her for you, I promise" Santana had whispered to Whitney as they readied themselves to leave, embracing her in a hug.</p><p>Afterall, Santana was a mother herself, and she knew what it was like to have concern for your child's wellbeing. She knew Whitney would be worrying if Brittany was going to be okay, so she felt the need to promise her that she would take good care of their daughter, before she left that night.</p><hr/><p>That was half the hard bit done. There was no issue with Brittany having to tell Santana's parents, because George already knew and had told Maribel. Even so, Santana would have done that for her anyway. One person they need to tell, was Denver. As they sat in Santana's room that evening, Brittany began to cry, and Santana instinctively dashed forward to wrap her up in her arms.</p><p>"I don't think I can do it San" she whimpered "I can't tell Denver…I just can't"</p><p>"Shh, shh. It's okay Brit, It's okay. I know this is really hard for you" Santana soothed, rocking Brittany back and forth in a bid to ease her sobs.</p><p>"No San, I mean it. I really can't. I can't…<em>say</em> those words again" she wept; her voice thick with emotion.</p><p>Santana swallowed in an attempt to rid herself of her own emotions. It was becoming increasingly hard not to break down, seeing Brittany in such a vulnerable position. She just wanted to do something to take away her pain, but she knew she couldn't.</p><p>"Babe…" she said softly, reaching out to caress Brittany's cheek and softly wipe away the tears "would it help you if I told Denver?"</p><p>Brittany sniffed; her face perplexed as she looked at Santana.</p><p>"You would do that?"</p><p>And Santana nodded ferociously. Of course, she would do that. She would do anything for Brittany, especially in this moment.</p><p>"Of course, I would honey. I'll do anything possible to make this a little easier for you, and I know it's just a case of taking things slow and grieving, but if things like this are stressing you out, I want to alleviate that" Santana said softly "but I need you to be sure you actually want it to come from me. Because if you think you might feel stronger in the next few days, you know, we can wait. There's no rush Brit"</p><p>But Brittany shook her head.</p><p>"No, I <em>really</em> don't want to do it. It's too much for me. I'm angry at him right now and feeling all sorts of emotions towards him. But I also don't want to hear the emotion in his voice when he finds out our baby is…" Brittany looked down and another sob escaped her lips. She couldn't finish the sentence.</p><p>"It's okay baby girl, It's okay. You don't have to say any more." Santana hushed once more, as she embraced Brittany.</p><p>When she had managed to calm her and she felt that Brittany was strong enough for her to pull away, she did so, keeping hold of Brittany's hand as she picked up her phone.</p><p>"I'll go do it now, so that it's done. Then we can shift our focus onto grieving properly for the baby" Santana said softly. She placed a gentle kiss on Brittany's cheek before leaving the room to go downstairs out of earshot, where Brittany wouldn't have to hear the words being said.</p><p>The appreciative look Santana received from the blonde didn't go unnoticed, and although she was truly dreading this, it made her feel a little less heavy knowing she was at least doing <em>something</em> to help her best friend.</p><p>She took a shaky breath and pressed her head against the wall as she composed herself, ready to dial the number. She was still so seething angry at Denver for what he had done to Brittany, but she knew she needed to push that aside in order to inject some compassion into the tough conversation this was going to be. Regardless of her ill-feelings towards him, the guy had lost his baby, and nobody deserved that.</p><p>As expected, the call to Denver was difficult. He had cried a lot, and he had lots of questions that Santana didn't have the answers to. When he'd said out loud how it was his fault that their baby had died, Santana had flatly told him it was nobody's fault. But inside her head she couldn't help but think he may have had a point. He had caused such stress to Brittany, and it was sure to do no good for the baby. As soon as the thought entered her head, she had felt guilty and scalded herself. She didn't want to be harsh towards Denver in such a heartbreaking situation, but she was just so angry at him.</p><p>Nevertheless, it was another person told, and she hoped it would make Brittany feel a little lighter knowing that such a hard task was done.</p><hr/><p>Brittany had told Santana she should let Quinn know, because Quinn had been looking after Mila for the past couple of days, and Brittany thought she had a right to know what had been going on, because she was bound to be worried. So, Santana had called her and explained everything, and when she had come around to drop Mila back home the next day, after two nights away from home, Quinn had brought flowers.</p><p>"I'm so sorry Brittany, this must be incredibly hard for you, but I'm holding you in my heart and I know you'll have the strength to get through this" she had said simply, pulling Brittany into a hug.</p><p>It was a touching gesture, and one that Brittany really appreciated. Quinn didn't have to do that, the two of them only knew each other through Santana, but after this Brittany thought she could now consider Quinn as a friend.</p><p>Then came another hard part.</p><p>Telling Mila.</p><p>The little girl was so excited, and her new baby cousin had been all she had gone on about since she found out, so this was going to be especially crushing.</p><p>When Mila had started pre-school and taken a huge liking to the class pet, she had begged Santana for a hamster. Despite Mila's pleas, Santana had always resisted, because the thought of having to explain to her little girl all about death when the hamster died, was an awful thought.</p><p>Now, she was beginning to wish she had got her a pet, or at least talked to her about death before, because her first encounter of it was now going to be so raw. And Santana wasn't sure what Mila's full grasp of death was.</p><p>The words needed to come from her, because Brittany certainly wasn't strong enough, but Brittany had insisted she sit with Santana as she told Mila, knowing how hard it was going to be for Santana to crush some part of her daughter's innocence like this.</p><p>"I really missed you Mama" Mila said, giving Santana a warm hug as soon as Quinn had left. Santana closed her eyes, as she held Mila tight, for a little longer than usual.</p><p>"I missed you too Aunty Brit-Brit" said Mila, running over to give Brittany a hug. Brittany let out a smile, because despite the extreme sadness she felt inside of her, she felt great comfort from the little girl in her arms. She placed a soft kiss on Mila's head, before Santana came over to take Mila's hand.</p><p>She led Mila over to the table, and sat down alongside Brittany, who's eyes were already watering. Brittany held her hand to her mouth in anticipation, as Santana began to tell Mila the news.</p><p>"Sweetheart, I'm afraid we have some very sad news to tell you" Santana said softly, her hand squeezed Mila's as she watched the little girls face turn to one of concern "You know the baby in Aunty Brit-Brit's tummy?"</p><p>Mila nodded</p><p>"My new baby cousin" she smiled, and Santana felt her breath hitch in her throat.</p><p>"Unfortunately, darling, your little baby cousin wasn't quite as strong as we thought, and they're no longer with us anymore. You know what heaven is Meels, don't you?" Santana asked gently.</p><p>As much as she had avoided talking about hard topics like this with Mila, she was grateful that she had at least talked about the vague concept of heaven.</p><p>As Mila nodded, Santana continued on her explanation.</p><p>"Well that's where your baby cousin is now. And we are going to miss them so much and we are feeling very sad. But it's okay to feel sad about it, and it's okay to cry. Sometimes sad things like this happen and it's all just a part of life. And we don't always know the reasons why, but we know that your baby cousin is very loved, and always will be loved"</p><p>At this point, Santana reached out with her other hand comfort Brittany, and shot her a tender glance, because her face was now streaming with silent tears.</p><p>Mila of course had lots of questions, as five-year-olds would, and Santana had done her best to explain everything to her. When she had felt strong enough, Brittany had jumped in with helping to answer some of Mila's questions too.</p><p>At the end of the conversation, Mila leaped forward to hug Brittany, her small hands trying to comfort her. It was so typical of Mila, she was always so smart, and aware of other people's emotions.</p><p>"Don't worry Aunty Brit-Brit. It's okay to be sad" she said, echoing Santana's earlier words "You can be my mommy if you want? I only have one parent, and she's a mama, so I have space for a mommy"</p><p>And as Brittany let out a choked sob, Santana worried that Mila's words had upset her, but she relaxed a bit when she saw Brittany kiss Mila's hair and squeeze her tighter.</p><p>"I love you so much little Moo. You're so smart" she whispered, touched by Mila's words.</p><p>And of course, she wasn't going to really be Mila's mother, but just hearing Mila say that had warmed her heart in a time where it felt impossible to feel any emotion but sadness.</p><p>She was just happy to have this special little girl in her life, to dull the ache of losing her own little one and wondering what could have been.</p><hr/><p>With the high emotions surrounding the past 3 days, Santana had momentarily forgotten about her girlfriend, who she had been sitting in limbo with, until she knocked on the door that day. It was the middle of the day when she called, Mila was at school and Brittany was sleeping, the toll of the last few days inevitably taking its toll on her. Santana had taken two weeks off work to look after Brittany, the same amount of time that Brittany had been granted compassionate leave for, from her job that was sitting back in New York. Santana wasn't expecting anyone, and when the mystery visitor knocked again, she found herself getting annoyed, scared they would wake Brittany.</p><p>"Okay, okay, I'm coming!" she sighed, flinging the door open to see Dani standing there with a huge bouquet of flowers.</p><p>"I think you've given me enough of the silent treatment" Dani said with a raised eyebrow, as she boldly walked into the apartment, leaving Santana speechless.</p><p>"Dani, I'm sorry, but this isn't a good time…" she started</p><p>"Look babe, I know what I said upset you the other night, but I came here to apologise. Please just hear me out?"</p><p>Santana glanced upstairs, listening for movement. When she concluded that Brittany was still asleep, she turned back to Dani.</p><p>"You can have five minutes"</p><p>So, she listened as Dani poured her heart out. Telling her how sorry she was, and how she'd made a huge mistake saying those things. That she was just jealous and scared to lose her, because she had been hurt before, but she'd never do it again.</p><p>And Santana nodded absentmindedly, but the irony was she hadn't thought about Dani all in the past three days. Her focus had solely been on Brittany, and rightly so.</p><p>"So, can you stop giving me the silent treatment now and just…forgive me?" Dani sighed pleadingly, as she finished with her apologies and excuses monologue.</p><p>"I wasn't giving you the silent treatment…" Santana said, and Dani laughed lightly.</p><p>"Well…my call log and unanswered messages say otherwise babe" she said, holding up her phone.</p><p>"I wasn't ignoring you Dani. It's just been an extremely difficult couple of days" she said firmly, as Dani looked at her questioningly, she let out a sigh. She knew she was going to have to tell her, since she did know Brittany was pregnant now.</p><p>She glanced back upstairs once more to check for signs of Brittany, before turning back to Dani with a sad frown.</p><p>"Brittany lost the baby"</p><hr/><p>After telling Dani everything, the two of them sat on the sofa together. Dani had her arms wrapped around Santana, stroking her arm soothingly. Santana guessed this meant they must be back together then.</p><p>As she heard footsteps coming down the stairs, she quickly sprang apart from Dani, for reasons she was unsure of. Probably so that she could stand up and greet Brittany.</p><p>"Hey beautiful, how did you sleep? Can I get you anything?" Santana said softly, rushing over to the girl and clucking over her.</p><p>Brittany shook her head simply, her eyes falling onto Dani who was still sitting on the sofa.</p><p>"Sorry am I interrupting something…because I can go back upstairs" Brittany fumbled.</p><p>"No of course not! Go and sit down and I'll make you a cup of tea" Santana urged, pushing Brittany gently towards the sofa "Dani was just leaving now"</p><p>She flashed an apologetic smile to her girlfriend, but she knew Dani would understand. Brittany wouldn't exactly want to be around people she barely knew at this time. Taking the cue, Dani stood up abruptly.</p><p>"Yeah I'll be out of your hair now. Just a flying visit to surprise my girl with some flowers" she smiled, staking her claim over Santana once more. She walked over to Brittany and gave her an apologetic smile.</p><p>"I'm so sorry for your loss Brittany. Santana told me everything. If there's anything I can do…" Dani trailed off, unsure on what else to say.</p><p>Brittany smiled weakly, appreciative of the gesture from Dani, until she heard the next line.</p><p>"Hey, at least your lucky it was so early on" she smiled lightly, offering Brittany a gentle pat on the arm.</p><p>Brittany's eyes watered, as Santana scrunched up her face, raising her hand up to her forehead as she cringed at Dani's statement.</p><p>It was clear that Dani hadn't meant to hurt Brittany with her words, she was just saying something that she thought might be of comfort. She probably hadn't even realised that she had used the world <em>lucky</em>. A word that shouldn't even be in the same sentence as a line of comfort towards a mother who'd just lost her baby.</p><p>The words made Brittany feel awful, like she didn't deserve to feel the sadness and emptiness she was feeling inside. Like she should be counting her blessings, not grieving from this unexpected heartache.</p><p>As accidental as it was, Santana saw instantly, the flash of hurt in Brittany's eyes at Dani's words. It was so tactless of her.</p><p>And as Santana kissed Dani goodbye; she couldn't help but feel angry with her girlfriend all over again.</p>
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<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Chapter 31</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the days passed by, Brittany went through the cycles of grief. She started out very weepy and emotional, but then her emotions soon turned to anger. She needed somebody to blame, and that person was going to be Denver.</p><p>Being that he had hurt her already, it was easy for Brittany to place the blame on him. She kept on saying how unfair it was, that he had another child to go back to. In a rational sense, Brittany knew this didn't make his grief any less valid, but right now she wasn't feeling very rational.</p><p>When blaming Denver wasn't enough, she'd look for other people to blame.</p><p>"When we went to the doctors for my first check-up, they should have known something was wrong. They told me my hCG levels were low but that they weren't concerned. Maybe they <em>should</em> have been concerned. What if this could have been prevented!?"</p><p>Santana hated not being able to give Brittany the answers she wanted, but what she hated most of all, was when Brittany would run out of blame on other sources and start blaming herself. Despite constant reassurance from Santana, that there was nothing she could have done better, Brittany still blamed herself; and it hurt.</p><hr/><p>It was hard for Santana seeing Brittany so angry, and it was even harder seeing her upset, but the worst part was when they were 10 days in, and Brittany started shutting her out completely.</p><p>Brittany began to feel completely numb inside, and as a result she started bottling all of her feelings up. Despite Santana's best efforts, she just couldn't get Brittany to speak to her about anything at all. She'd just watch, as Brittany moped around, spending most of her time in Santana's room. The tears had stopped and were instead replaced by a lifeless expression.</p><p>One day Santana watched as Mila went over to give her a painting that she'd done for her. Brittany smiled momentarily and then left it on the side, disappearing upstairs again. It wasn't like Brittany at all, and Santana was worried. By the look on Mila's face, she was worried too.</p><p>"Don't worry sweetheart, you know that Aunty Brit-Brit is just extremely sad right now, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love your painting. She's just having a hard time expressing herself. Why don't you go and pin it up on the fridge so that she can see it later?" said Santana, bending down to Mila's level to assure her.</p><p>As Mila went off to put the painting up, Santana breezed cautiously upstairs. As expected, she found Brittany perched on the bed, staring out of the window. She knocked, so not to startle Brittany, but she didn't even turn to acknowledge her.</p><p>"Hey, you" she started softly "I wondered if you might like to watch a movie with me and Mila. I can go to the store and get all of your favourite snacks…"</p><p>She waited in anticipation for a response from Brittany, but inside she felt stupid for even suggesting that snacks and a movie could make things okay. She decided to try a different approach as she walked over to Brittany, her voice desperate.</p><p>"Brit…babe, will you please just speak to me? I'm <em>really</em>, really worried about you. I know that you are hurting, and I just want to help you, but I can't do that if you don't let me in"</p><p>Brittany said nothing again, and by now Santana was feeling really lost and a little hurt. She knew she shouldn't feel that way, because it was obvious Brittany wasn't herself, but she couldn't help it. She had promised Brittany's parents that she would take care of her, but right now it just seemed like Brittany was slipping further and further away. She swallowed as she addressed Brittany again.</p><p>"Brittany…I think you should go and see your parent's tomorrow. It might do you some good to have a change of scenery, to speak to your mom. I just feel like at the moment…I'm not helping you. Maybe you need your mom and dad. Maybe they'll be able to support you in a way that I haven't…" she trailed off, waiting in apprehension for Brittany's response.</p><p>She half expected Brittany to turn around and shake her head frantically and snap out of her daze, the way she had when her parents had suggested she stay home with them in the first place. But to Santana's surprised, Brittany nodded in agreement.</p><p>She was pleased, because she thought it would do Brittany some good, but she was also concerned in case she had done or said something wrong to change Brittany's willingness to open up so suddenly. She knew she shouldn't think like that, but it was hard not to.</p><hr/><p>The next morning Santana drove Brittany to her parents' house, and as she pulled up outside, she felt awkward. This was <em>never</em> an emotion that she felt around Brittany, but right now it was feeling all too real. She didn't even know whether Brittany would want a hug goodbye. She didn't even know if Brittany was going to come back to her apartment, or whether she'd just stay here now. Then, out of nowhere, Brittany answered that question for her.</p><p>"Will you come and pick me up in a few hours when I'm done?" she asked, her voice small and her features looking ever so pained and vulnerable.</p><p>Santana cleared her throat of emotion. She wasn't sure if it had transpired from the relief that Brittany wanted to stay with her still, or from the sting of seeing Brittany looking and sounding so fragile. She reached forward to squeeze Brittany's hand reassuringly.</p><p>"Of course, I will honey. You just give me a call whenever you're ready for me to pick you back up, and I'll be here"</p><p>So off Brittany went, and Santana decided to use the time that she was gone to invite her own mother over. She was in much need of some comfort herself. She felt guilty and terrible inside, feeling like she had failed Brittany, and wasn't helping her as she should be.</p><p>As Mila excitedly chatted away on Maribel's lap, Santana could sense a sadness in her daughter's eyes, as she sat at the table across from them.</p><p>"Why don't you go pick out a book <em>Amorcita? </em>Then I can listen to your reading" Maribel said, so she could have some alone time with Santana and find out what was troubling her.</p><p>"Okay Abuela" Mila smiled sweetly.</p><p>"She's such a good girl" said Maribel, watching Mila skip off upstairs, before turning to Santana with a laugh "Much more well-behaved than you were at her age"</p><p>That was all it took for Santana to break down, to be alone with her mother, without her daughter seeing and being concerned. And without Brittany there, who she needed to be strong for. She could finally let all the emotions that she had been feeling out. She just felt so useless in the whole situation and seeing Brittany in pain like this was hurting her more than she ever thought possible.</p><p>She realised that she hadn't even grieved for the baby herself, her sole focus being on Brittany, but now alone with Maribel; everything was coming to the surface.</p><p>"Speak to me <em>Mija</em>, what's going on? Is it Brittany?" Maribel asked knowingly, reaching out to place a hand on Santana's arm.</p><p>Santana nodded meekly, as she proceeded to tell Maribel everything. How hopeless she felt in helping Brittany, how desperate she was to take her pain away, how Brittany had started shutting her out and she was worried and didn't know what to do.</p><p>And Maribel listened, and nodded and soothed her daughter by stroking her arm, until Santana was finished talking and she could say her piece.</p><p>"Santanita, what you are describing with Brittany sounds completely normal. You have to remember, she is going through a traumatic experience at the moment, so she's going to react in many different ways" Maribel explained gently " grief usually comes in stages, and it sounds like at first, she was very upset and now she has moved on to a new stage of anger and emptiness. There is no right or wrong way to deal with grief, and all we can do is stand by her side and support her for whatever she needs"</p><p>"I know Mami" Santana sighed "But it's just so hard to watch. I just <em>wish </em>there was something else I could do"</p><p>"Your presence alone will be enough for her <em>Mija</em>. Trust me. She may not be showing you that right now, because she is having a hard time expressing her emotions at the moment. But just you being there, will mean more to her than you ever know"</p><p>Santana nodded, grateful for her mother's wise words as usual.</p><p>"I think I'm going to look at some resources online as well, see if there's any suggestions out there, that I can do to help her" said Santana, her determination to support Brittany tenacious.</p><p>"That's sounds like a great idea Santana" Maribel nodded "can I make a suggestion to you…if you don't mind me staying here when you go collect Brittany, I could speak to her. I think there is something I could say that may be of comfort to her"</p><p>Santana was confused, she wasn't sure what her mom could possibly say to Brittany that would be so helpful, but she nodded in agreement.</p><p>"Sure mom, anything we can do to help get my Brittany back"</p><hr/><p>An hour later when Santana went to pick up Brittany, she sat in the car hopeful. She didn't go in, she just waved at the Pierce's from the car. She didn't feel like she could be near them, because despite Maribel's words, she still felt like she was letting Brittany and her parents down.</p><p>But she did at least feel a renewed sense of strength since the conversation, so she sat in the car hopeful. Maybe being around her parents would be good for Brittany, and she'd get back into the car a little less closed off.</p><p>As Santana pushed open the door for Brittany, she greeted her with a big smile, switching on her most positive tone of voice.</p><p>"Hey Brit-Brit, how was it? How are you feeling?"</p><p>"Was okay" Brittany shrugged, absentmindedly staring out of the window.</p><p>Santana had to bite her lip to stop the tears of disappointment, but she kept her eyes fixed on the road and her tone light, as she attempted to get through Brittany's steely exterior.</p><p>"My mom is at mine. She popped over for the afternoon to see Mila and I, it's been nice" she smiled "she won't be staying much longer, but she wanted to speak to you before she went if that's okay…"</p><p>She trailed off, sneaking a glance at Brittany to check her reaction. Brittany might not even want to speak to Maribel, because it seemed like speaking wasn't an option for her right now, but Santana was desperately hopeful she would. Of course, she wanted to be the person to help Brittany, but if she could find comfort from <em>anyone</em> at all right now, she'd be happy with that.</p><p>As Brittany stayed silent, Santana let out a quiet sigh. She just hoped Maribel would be able to get through to her.</p><p>When they walked through the door Mila ran over excitedly and hugged Brittany's legs.</p><p>"Hi Aunty Brit-Brit, we missed you!"</p><p>"Hey little one, I missed you too" said Brittany, offering the little girl a small smile. Santana felt a flicker of hope. It was a start.</p><p>"Brittany, sweetheart, come here" Maribel spoke, approaching Brittany with open arms. She hadn't seen Brittany yet, since the news. Maribel felt her shoulder become wet with tears, so she pulled away and took Brittany's hand.</p><p>"Come on, come with me. Let's go for a little chat" she said warmly.</p><p>And as she led the reluctant girl upstairs, Santana crossed her fingers that whatever Maribel was going to say, would help Brittany.</p><hr/><p>"I know people tell you how sorry they are in these situations, and I know it's not always what you want to hear, so I'm going to refrain from doing that" Maribel spoke softly, her voice laced with empathy.</p><p>She studied Brittany's gaze to make sure she had her full attention, before continuing.</p><p>"When we get pregnant, we instantly become mothers. We have…all of these hopes and dreams for our children from the moment we see the two lines on the stick. Then without warning, that dream is ripped away from you, and nothing makes sense anymore. You've done everything possible to care for the little life inside of you, but it's not enough in the eyes of the universe. You don't get to hold your baby at the end of it"</p><p>Brittany blinked as she watched Maribel, so accurately verbalising everything she wanted to say, but couldn't.</p><p>"We feel empty inside and we try to believe that what the doctors are saying isn't true. We feel…so overwhelmingly consumed by sadness, that we are scared that we'll never be okay again. Then we feel angry because…why me? Why don't I get to keep my baby?"</p><p>Maribel swallowed, her emotions finding her, as Brittany listened carefully with silent tears pouring down her face.</p><p>"We look for people to blame, and when that doesn't work, we blame ourselves. Nothing that anybody tells you makes you feel remotely okay. How could it? How could they ever understand this pain? We don't know how to express to anyone, the way that we feel anymore. So, we stop speaking. We shut everybody out, and we feel more isolated than ever before. And we so desperately want to pull our loved ones in and lean on them and shout and cry and tell them everything, but we can't. We push them away even further, until one day we reach breaking point. And when that breaking point comes, we're at rock bottom. But rock bottom isn't always bad because…it means the only way is up. Slowly but surely, we climb towards happiness, towards acceptance. We let people in, and we allow ourselves to feel and to express our emotions. The grief doesn't leave, it never will, but it gets better. And every day of sadness, is just another step closer towards healing"</p><p>A desperate sob escaped Brittany's lips, as Maribel finished her speech. In those five minutes, she had managed to articulate every inch of how Brittany was feeling. She had made her feel less crazy, less alone.</p><p>Maribel pulled Brittany into a strong hug, pleased that the words seemed to have gotten through. While seeing Brittany cry so frantically was a horrible experience, it was good to see, because it meant Brittany was allowing herself to feel.</p><p>As the tearful blonde pulled away, she looked at Maribel cautiously.</p><p>"But…how did you?" she began, but then one look at Maribel's deep brown eyes told her everything she needed to know. She gasped.</p><p>"You lost a baby?"</p><p>Maribel swallowed, with a sad nod.</p><p>"I lost three"</p><p>"Oh Maribel…" Brittany began, her voice empathetic and sad, but Maribel stopped her with her hand. It was a long time ago, and she didn't tell Brittany for sympathy, she told her to help.</p><p>"It was a long time ago sweetheart. It was before Santana and Pedro were born. I've never told them about it before…" she began "But I wanted to tell you because I know how hard it is to feel the way you are feeling. Like nobody could possibly understand your pain. But you are not alone Brittany. You will get through this, but you need to try and let the people around you in. I was the same as you, and I pushed George away, but in the end, it only hurt more"</p><p>She reached out to give Brittany's hand a firm but gentle squeeze before continuing.</p><p>"Let yourself lean on the ones that love you, because when you do, things will start to become a lot easier. I know it feels like the road ahead is long and rocky, and I won't lie to you, it is. But you will heal Brittany, I can promise you that"</p><p>"When did you…I mean how long did it take, for you to feel happy again?" Brittany asked carefully.</p><p>"There really is no time limit sweetheart. Everybody is different. It may come in waves. Some days you will feel happy, others you may feel just okay, and there will be some where you feel so consumed with grief and it feels the wound has been ripped open all over again. But it's okay to feel this way. It's different for everyone, no two experiences are the same, but for me, my ultimate happiness came when I got my rainbow baby"</p><p>"Santana?"</p><p>"Yes" Maribel nodded with a smile "She never understood why her father and I were so protective. You know how George in particular, could be very strict with her, but now you know why" she sighed.</p><p>Brittany instantly opened her arms to give Maribel a hug, the two of them suddenly united in a way they had never been before. She was so appreciative of Maribel sharing her story like this, because now she truly did feel less alone.</p><p>"Life throws really difficult things at us, and we can't always find a reason. But we must gather our strength from the ones around us that love us. You'll be okay Brittany, I promise you, you will"</p><p>"Thank you so much Maribel" Brittany sighed, her voice thick with emotion and her eyes shining with fresh tears.</p><p>She believed her, one day it would be okay.</p><hr/><p>As Maribel and Brittany appeared downstairs, Santana was sitting reading her iPad, pensive and deep in concentration. But as soon as she heard the footsteps approach, she quickly stood up, eager to see how Brittany was.</p><p>She didn't need to ask, because no sooner had she stood up, was Brittany her arms. She felt herself relax into the blondes embrace, as she gave Maribel an appreciative smile from over Brittany's shoulder. She didn't know what Maribel had said, but clearly, it had worked.</p><p>"I'm so sorry San…" Brittany began, but Santana shushed her.</p><p>"Hey what are you talking about? Brit…you have nothing to be sorry for. I just want to be here for you, that's all okay. Whatever you need, I'll do it. You do know that, right?"</p><p>Brittany nodded.</p><p>"Honestly, just you being here is enough. I didn't mean to push you or anyone else away, I just…I guess I couldn't find the words to say how I was feeling. But I'm not going to let myself bottle my feelings up anymore, I'm just going to take each day as it comes, and eventually…we'll get there"</p><p>Santana smiled at Brittany's new-found positivity and strength, and she pulled her back in for another hug.</p><p>"Proud of you" she whispered gently, before pulling back to look at Brittany again.</p><p>"Listen, I was doing some reading while you two were upstairs, and…please Brit just say no if you don't think it's going to help but…I read about how it can be helpful to do something to remember the baby. Something special, to make it seem like you've said a goodbye…so I was thinking…maybe we could plant a tree in your parent's garden?" Santana said carefully, searching Brittany's eyes for a reaction.</p><p>"We don't have to, it's just an idea I had…" she rambled, but Brittany interrupted her.</p><p>"San, stop" said Brittany, raising her hand to stop the brunette's incessant rambling "I think it's a great idea. That would mean so much to me" she smiled, and Santana breathed a deep sigh of relief as she embraced Brittany once more.</p><p>Maribel, who had just said her goodbyes to Mila, walked over and watched them with a smile.</p><p>"I think I'll leave you girls to it" she said.</p><p>She gave Brittany another hug, squeezing her tight, before saying goodbye to Santana who thanked her mother once again for whatever she had said to break down Brittany's walls.</p><p>As Brittany watched their embrace, she couldn't help but notice Maribel squeezing Santana a little tighter. It brought a sad smile to her lips and made her realise how we never realise what silent battles other people may be going through. But it also made her realise, that no matter what, you're never alone.</p><hr/><p>In the days after Brittany spoke to Maribel, things got easier. She felt that bit lighter, knowing that someone as strong as Maribel Lopez had gotten through this. She began taking better care of herself in expressing her feelings, which included reaching out to work to tell them she needed another week off, at least. There was no way she could go back to New York right now, and she didn't have the space in her mind to think about what she wanted to do long-term. She was just taking each day as it came.</p><p>With Brittany doing better, Santana also found herself having more time for her own thoughts and feelings.</p><p>She was feeling so incredibly confused at the moment. Seeing Brittany in such a vulnerable position had stirred up such emotion for her and made her think about their relationship in a whole new light. She cared so deeply for her, that she was beginning to wonder if people were right when they said there was something more between them.</p><p>She imagined herself as being in a goldfish bowl with Brittany, where everyone was watching them, and everyone could see something that they couldn't see themselves. It was hard for her to unravel almost 20 years of friendship and analyse if it was platonic or something deeper. If it was something deeper, when had it changed? Her head was just a mess. All she knew was that she had always loved Brittany more than anything, but it wasn't until recently she had allowed herself to think it could be something more.</p><p>Then there was the situation of her having a girlfriend. A girlfriend who was nice and attractive and seemingly good for her, but despite all of that, she was finding herself losing her patience with her more and getting angry with her over little things.</p><p>She was really annoyed over Dani's off-the-wall comment to Brittany, and the insensitivity of it, even though she knew Dani hadn't meant any harm and was just trying to be nice. But then just as she was starting to think the relationship wasn't right, Dani would do something really sweet that made her feel guilty for thinking it.</p><p>Like how she had told Dani that she worried about Mila, because she didn't think she was coping as well as she was letting on with the news of the baby. Santana was worried that Mila didn't fully understand it, and she also knew she was feeding off the emotional energy in the apartment, and it was unsettling her. Dani's response to this, was to go out and buy a child-friendly book for Mila to help her process the loss. "Something Happened" it was called, and although it was geared towards children losing a sibling, Dani thought it may still help as Mila would still have been undoubtedly close to the child. The gesture touched Santana, and she thought that maybe she was being foolish for even starting to doubt their relationship.</p><p>She was just so utterly muddled with everything. So much so, that on one particular evening when she'd had dinner with Quinn (after some pushing from Brittany that she needed to get back to reality and start believing that Brittany wasn't going to break if she left her alone for a bit), as she was listening to Quinn gush about her latest suitor, she ended up blurting out;</p><p>"Quinn, how do you know when you're in love with somebody?"</p><p>The question took Quinn by surprise, and she let out a little smirk, but it had also taken Santana by surprise too. Who was she even referring to here, Brittany or Dani? She didn't even know. Her subconscious mind was just great at taking over nowadays.</p><p>"Are you thinking about dropping the L-bomb to Dani?"</p><p>Santana dropped her head. They'd actually already said it to each other, although Santana never planned for it. Dani had said it fairly quickly and at the time she had just said it back, because what else could she say? She definitely didn't love her when she first said it, it was way too quick. Then it became a routine of saying it so often, she figured she must love her. But now she was really starting to doubt all that. If she was in love with Dani, she wouldn't be thinking about Brittany so much and she wouldn't be so confused. She loved her, but she wasn't <em>in </em>love with her. But she wasn't going to beat herself up about that. It was early days and those feelings could still grow.</p><p>She laughed shyly and hoped Quinn would either answer the question or drop the subject. She couldn't go into the specifics with her. Luckily, Quinn settled for the former.</p><p>"Well…a lot of people will tell you that being in love is all excitement and butterflies and passion, and sure, with love comes all of that. But for me…being <em>in</em> love it just, feels like home. It's that simple"</p><p>Santana nodded her appreciation, before swiftly changing the subject. Dani was excitement, she was butterflies and she was passion, but she certainly wasn't home, not yet anyway. She forked through her spaghetti feeling more confused than ever.</p><hr/><p>Later that evening, she got back to find Mila fast asleep and tucked up in bed. She knew Mila would have been fluttering her eyelashes at Brittany to try and get her to let her stay up later, but Brittany had clearly stood her ground.</p><p>Brittany wasn't downstairs, so she figured she must be in the bedroom, and when she pushed the door open to find Brittany sleeping on the bed her heart melted at the sight. She looked so beautiful and peaceful. She worried that Brittany would get cold, so she went over to pull the blankets over her, being careful not to wake her.</p><p>She couldn't resist running her hand delicately over Brittany's soft face, smoothing the creases that had formed in her sleep. She instantly regretted it when she saw Brittany began to stir lightly.</p><p>"San?" she squinted, her eyes tired and confused.</p><p>"Shh, go back to sleep angel" Santana soothed, stroking Brittany's hair softly. She watched as Brittany closed her eyes again, a small smile playing on the blonde's lips. When she knew Brittany was safely sleeping again, she dropped an innocent kiss on her forehead, before leaving her to rest.</p><p>It was only 9pm, so she decided she was going to have a glass or two of wine before going to bed herself.</p><p>As she brought the red wine to her lips, she enjoyed the instant calm feeling that washed over her, as the warmth of the liquid glided down her throat.</p><p>She wasn't relaxed for long, before she heard Mila cry out. She quickly set the glass down and dashed upstairs. In the past week or so, Mila had been suffering with nightmares. She had spoken to her father about this, and George thought it was normal considering that Mila would be feeling unsettled at the moment and impacted by all of the high emotion in the house.</p><p>"Even if you try to hide it, she will still sense it. Children are very intuitive, and very heavily influenced by their environment and the adults around them. But don't worry <em>Mija</em>, it's all part of the process. She will be okay, and she will stop having the nightmares. We just need to keep an eye on her" he had told her.</p><p>But of course, for Santana, it was never nice seeing her little girl in distress.</p><p>She pushed the door open fast, ready to comfort her daughter, but when she got there, she saw that Brittany had already got there first.</p><p>The two of them had their backs to Santana, so they didn't realise she was standing there. And as she watched Brittany tenderly comforting a tearful Mila, whispering comforting words and rubbing her back, Santana felt a sudden bolt of realisation. It was like the fog had lifted and she could finally see clear.</p><p>Brittany was <em>home</em> for her.</p><p>And then it hit her like a truck. It hit her in the same way she had watched Brittany fall asleep earlier. Slowly, and then all at once.</p><p>
  <em>"Oh my God…I'm in love with my best friend"</em>
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<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Chapter 32</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a summer of realisations.</p><p>For Brittany, the realisation was that she could no longer be in New York anymore. It got to the point where she could no longer keep extending her compassionate leave and the thought of returning to her old home, the place where she had spent 6 years building a life, was making her feel nauseous and panicky. She called up Chris and explained everything to him. She said she was willing to return to work her notice, but in her head, she was praying she wouldn't have to. Luckily, her prayers were answered, and Chris said she didn't need to return. By now she had been off for 6 weeks, and the Assistant Choreographer had stepped up and had things under control. Her temporary return would only unsettle things. She couldn't even bare to return and collect all of her stuff, so she had her parents do it all for her. Denver had tried to contact her on various occasions, wanting to share in her grief, wanting to check in, but she ignored all of his calls. She felt guilty for shutting him out, but then she remembered what he had done to her and felt less so. With the New York chapter closed she was feeling at peace and being in Lima surrounded by her family and friends, was a great foundation for her to heal and start rebuilding her life again. She had money from the sale of her house with Denver to tide her over, and she quickly found work in a dance studio in Lima while she figured out her next steps. </p><p>For Santana, the realisation was her love for Brittany. Once the switch had been flicked, she just couldn't turn it off. She'd catch herself staring at Brittany like a lovestruck puppy all the time, then she'd shake her head and realise how terribly cliché she was being. Every time Brittany touched her, which given by how affectionate they always were was a lot, she would feel legitimate sparks igniting inside of her. The kind that made her hairs stand on end and her breathing shallow. When Brittany would emerge from the bathroom in just a towel, she couldn't look away, and she felt her heart beating out of her chest. Seeing her with Mila, turned her into a puddle even more so than it usually did, and she found herself yearning for them to be a family. No matter how far-fetched her thoughts got, she just couldn't stop them. There were many occasions where she'd just lie on her bed and fantasise over imaginary situations.</p><p>Like waking up naked in Brittany's arms on a morning, and turning over to claim her soft lips, sighing contentedly as they fell back to sleep in each-others embrace.</p><p>Or a date night with Brittany, where they would go to the best seafood restaurant in Lima. Santana would pay, despite Brittany's resistance, and as she would push the bill into the hands of the server with her card inside, Brittany would hold her hand out in disproval. But all Santana would do is take Brittany's hand in hers and kiss it softly, letting her know that the decision was final, she was paying, end of. And Brittany's blue eyes would light up with gratitude and she'd let out a bashful smile, before the two of them went off to their hotel for the night, that Quinn had encouraged them to get because they needed more alone time and she'd look after Mila. When they got there, they'd enjoy several rounds of intense sex, and Santana would spend all night making sure Brittany felt good. Her eyes would go wide with delight, when she noticed the new lingerie Brittany had bought for the occasion, not that it got to stay on for very long. She'd explore and love every single detail of Brittany's body in the dim light of the hotel room, from the light splash of freckles across her shoulders, to the way her toes curled when she was close to the edge.</p><p>She'd imagine them lying in bed together, on a cold stormy night, wrapped around each other for warmth after a long hard day. Santana would have her arms wrapped protectively around Brittany, who was heavily pregnant with their second child, caressing her bump and whispering sweet words of gratitude into her ear.</p><p>Sometimes, she'd just imagine them doing the mundane things like going shopping for groceries, or cooking dinner together. Stuff that all seems boring, until you're doing it with the one you love.</p><p>The love she had for Brittany was soon becoming intoxicating, and she found herself thinking about her all the time and overanalysing every single move. Was Brittany checking her out just then? Was her tone <em>supposed</em> to sound that flirty, or is she just joking? She wasn't sure where the feelings had started and the platonic friendship had ended, which made her feel she had been in love with Brittany all along and just blissfully unaware. But now she was so aware, so aware that it almost hurt.</p><p>It hurt because, as much as she wanted to blurt out all of these feelings to Brittany, she didn't know where to begin. She had no inclination of whether or not Brittany would feel the same. She knew their connection was strong, but perhaps for Brittany it was merely platonic, and Santana's admission was going to ruin things. She knew it was something she couldn't keep a secret forever, so she'd have to tell her eventually, but right now wasn't the right time. Brittany was healing. She had just lost her baby and split up from her long-term partner, it would be unfair to lay all of this on her now when she was so vulnerable.</p><p>So, Santana just had to tick on over the summer and attempt to not let the mask slip. Sharing a bed with Brittany every night became absolute torture, because the urge to touch her in a way she had never touched her before, was becoming all consuming. But she also loved those nights. Whether they were an item or not, waking up in the middle of the night and being able to reach out and feel the person you love next to you, was a beautiful feeling.</p><p>It was a bittersweet feeling when Brittany had told Santana that she was moving out to find a place of her own. It would be a lot easier on her, to not have to be around Brittany constantly and share a bed with her every night, but she was going to miss her so much. They had almost become like a little family of late. Sensing the sadness from Santana, Brittany had instantly reached out to touch her arm.</p><p>"Don't worry San! I'm still going to be round here like every day!" she told her softly "But I can't just expect to live here and share your bed forever. Not now I'm back here in Lima for good. I need to start carving a life for myself"</p><p>And Santana nodded, because as much as she would miss Brittany, she knew she was right. The alternative of Brittany returning to New York, was far worse. She was just so happy that after 6 years, they were finally living in the same city again.</p><p>But when she had helped Brittany move into her studio apartment, the two of them painting the walls white to make it a blank canvas, and spending hours building flat-pack furniture together with Santana swearing in Spanish that the instructions don't make sense and Brittany patiently trying to calm her as she assembled table legs together, she couldn't help think of another imaginary scenario. A scenario of the two of them moving into their own house, as a couple, and doing all of this together then.</p><p><em>"One day</em>" Santana sighed to herself.</p><hr/><p>Santana was still dating Dani, the reason for that she wasn't fully sure, but mainly because she needed a distraction from Brit. She knew it was wrong to string Dani along like this, but she felt bad for ending things. Dani hadn't done anything to her, and it wasn't that she didn't like her, it was just that in the time they were together she'd realised she was desperately in love with her best friend. There were times when she'd come close to ending things, but then Dani would say something really nice and she'd chicken out. Long gone was the cold-hearted Santana Lopez who'd broken many boys' hearts, she just couldn't be this way with girls, not when <em>real</em> feelings were involved. Quinn and Dani being close didn't help matters either, so Santana figured she'd ride it out for the summer, and then assess the situation from there. Maybe in a few months' time, Brittany would be healing more, and Santana could set about her master plan to tell her how she felt. But she wouldn't do that, until she had broken up with Dani, so she knew the two would come hand in hand when the time was right. Things had cooled off between them a bit, the honeymoon period had come to an end, and Santana made a lot of excuses that she needed to spend more time with Brittany which Dani seemingly understood due to the situation, so it made things a little easier to stay together.</p><p>Part of her really wanted to fall in love with Dani, and for that to be her happy ending. It would be much less complicated, and she wouldn't have to worry about fear of rejection, or fear of ruining her longest and most important friendship. But even Santana knew she couldn't force the feelings. As the months drew by, she started to subconsciously criticise everything Dani did, and compare to the noble actions of Brittany.</p><p>Today was one of those days.</p><p>Santana and Dani were having a movie date day, and Brittany had taken Mila out for the day, and whilst out she'd treated her to some school supplies in preparation for her starting Kindergarten next week.</p><p>Santana and Dani cooed enthusiastically, humouring Mila as she excitedly showed off her new pencil case, bag and stationery. Of course, Brittany had gone all out, and bought Mila every type of coloured pen she could find with all of the gel pens and highlighters. Santana was pretty sure Mila wouldn't use half of this, but it was cute all the same. She pulled out her purse.</p><p>"How much did it come to?"</p><p>But Brittany pushed the purse away.</p><p>"You're not giving me the money San, I'm just treating my gorgeous goddaughter" she smiled, picking Mila up and giving her a sloppy kiss on the cheek, earning a hearty laugh from the little girl.</p><p>Santana shook her head with a laugh and put the purse away, knowing it was an argument she wouldn't win.</p><p>"Come and sit down, I'll make you a coffee" she said.</p><hr/><p>When Santana returned with their drinks, the three of them chatted away, watching Mila play on the floor with her new pens.</p><p>"I can't believe she's going to be a Kindergartner" Santana smiled wistfully "It seems like only yesterday she was just a tiny baby in my arms, staring up at me for the first time"</p><p>Brittany reached her hand out to touch Santana, offering her a sympathetic smile as she watched the brunette's eyes water.</p><p>"Do you think you're gonna cry on the day?" Dani asked.</p><p>She raised her eyebrows and shot Dani a look as if to say <em>what do you think</em>, and the three of them laughed.</p><p>"Are you going to take her together?" said Brittany.</p><p>Santana went to nod, assuming that her girlfriend would be there to support her for such an emotional milestone, but Dani answered for her.</p><p>"No, I'll be working" she shrugged casually, and Santana snapped her head to look at her.</p><p>"What!? You're not coming?"</p><p>Santana didn't know why she had expected Dani's presence to be a given, it wasn't like Dani was Mila's parent, but she would have appreciated the support. She also thought that she'd want to be there on such an important day for Mila.</p><p>"Well no, I wasn't going to…did you want me to be there?"</p><p>"I thought you'd <em>want</em> to be there. I just assumed you'd booked the day off work. This is a big day for Mila, and a big day for me too. It would have been nice to have your support" Santana frowned; her tone abrupt. She couldn't deny it, she was hurt.</p><p>"Sorry babe I didn't think it would be such a big deal. She's already at pre-kin, this is just like her going to a new class. Don't overthink it" Dani replied, reaching out to touch Santana's shoulder, but Santana couldn't help but shrug her off.</p><p>This was her <em>baby</em>, starting Kindergarten, of course it was a big a deal.</p><p>Brittany shifted uncomfortably at the tension swilling around them, before attempting to diffuse the situation.</p><p>"San, I could come and take her with you. To be honest, I was going to ask anyway because I'd really like to be there and see her start school, but it makes even more sense if Dani has to work" she offered.</p><p>She wasn't trying to stir the pot between Santana and Dani, she simply wanted to be there on such a significant day and lend her support. Santana's features immediately softened at Brittany's suggestion, and she offered the blonde an appreciative smile. It was a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Dani.</p><p>"Look babe, I'm sorry I just didn't know. I can try arrange cover or something if you really want me to be there" Dani offered, but Santana shook her head firmly.</p><p>"You know what, it's fine. You've made it clear that it's not so important to you. I'll take her with Brittany" she said tersely, before looking over to her daughter who was playing across the room, the emotions of the impending day taking over her once again.</p><p>"Mila, come here baby. Mama needs a cuddle"</p><p>And as Brittany offered Dani a sympathetic smile, she received a look in return that made her swallow with nerves. She hoped she hadn't made things worse.</p><hr/><p>The day of Mila's first day at Kindergarten had come around fast, and Santana was riddled with nerves. Brittany had stayed around the night before, ready for the early morning start, and it didn't go unnoticed by Santana that despite her nerves for the day ahead; she had slept better than she had in at least a month. Sleeping beside Brittany, really did soothe her, and she missed it. She sighed as she received the enthusiastic text message from Dani, wishing Mila luck and ensuring Santana that she would be fine. She decided to reply to it later and focus on getting Mila ready instead.</p><p>She smiled as she watched Brittany platting Mila's hair, coffee in hand as she leaned against the staircase. If she could keep that moment forever, she would. Just like that, it was over, as Brittany finished her hair and dropped a light kiss on Mila's head, before turning to see Santana watching them.</p><p>"You okay?" she smiled warmly.</p><p>"I'm just feeling so under pressure" Santana sighed "I'm worried I've forgotten something, I'm worried that she's not going to like it, I just have all of these worries"</p><p>"Shh San, don't worry" said Brittany, as she took hold of Santana's arms, stroking them lightly with her thumbs "It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed on a big day like this. But you have everything prepared, we checked like a thousand times. And you know Mila, she's her mama's girl. Don't you remember how bold you were on your first day of Kindergarten? She's going to be just the same"</p><p>Santana smiled, the memory of the first day her and Brittany met flooding her head and making her feel warm inside.</p><p>When Mila was finally ready, it was time for the barricade of photos. Mila on her own, Mila and Santana, Mila and Brittany, and of course they had to put the camera on self-timer to get one of the three of them. It was an emotional moment, and Brittany and Santana shared a private smile, thinking about all of the times they'd had their photos taken together for their first day back at school. Now here they were as grown adults, taking Santana's 5-year-old for her first day.</p><p>Brittany was still snapping photos in the car, turning around in her seat to document Mila's journey to school as she sat excitedly in her car seat, while Santana drove them towards the school. As they neared closer, Mila became less excited and more nervous, quietness taking over her as reality of the big day ahead began to set in.</p><p>Santana, who was close to tears herself, swallowed the lump in her throat in a determination to keep strong. She wasn't going to let herself cry until Mila had gone. She put on her most enthusiastic tone of voice.</p><p>"Moo, are you excited?"</p><p>"Yeah" Mila replied quietly, her nerves beginning to show.</p><p>"You have Lily starting with you, don't you?" she encouraged, trying to reassure Mila as well as reassuring herself at the same time.</p><p>"That's great that you get to start school with your best friend Moo. You'll create so many fun memories together, like me and your Mama did" Brittany added, her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm as she tried to relay the message to the little girl that it was all going to be fine.</p><p>It brought back memories of Brittany's own first day of Kindergarten, and how she had cried and shrunk inside of herself, until Santana took her by the hand and led them off to play. She just hoped Mila was going to brave like her Mama today, not wary like herself.</p><p>"Yeah" Mila muttered again, absentmindedly staring out of the window.</p><p>Santana swallowed, worried about Mila's sudden change in enthusiasm, and Brittany placed a reassuring squeeze on her thigh.</p><p>As they arrived at the familiar school halls, it was a bittersweet moment for Brittany and Santana, as all of their childhood memories flooded back to them. Things had changed in the school, and it was obviously a lot more modern, but it was innately still the same.</p><p>They were allowed into the classroom to settle Mila in, as the kind young teacher showed Mila where to hang her coat, and where she would be sitting. They watched as the little girl glanced around nervously, taking everything in, and then it was time for the goodbyes. Brittany crouched down first, observing that Santana needed a moment to gather herself.</p><p>"You be a big brave girl today, Meels won't you? You're going to have so much fun, I promise" she said tenderly, lightly stroking Mila's face with her finger. A face that was almost an exact replica of her mother's. She couldn't believe how much her goddaughter had grown.</p><p>"Will you come with Mama to pick me up Aunty Brit-Brit?" she asked shyly, and Brittany nodded straight away. It hadn't even been discussed, but if Mila wanted her there, of course she would be there.</p><p>"Of course, sweetheart, Mama and I will be here to pick you up in just a few hours" she looked up at Santana with an encouraging smile "Right San?"</p><p>Drawing strength from Brittany, Santana composed herself and bent down.</p><p>"That's right angel. Just a few hours, and we'll both be here to pick you up" she leaned forward to give Mila a big cuddle, closing her eyes to stop the tears from coming, as she felt Mila grab on tight. After a couple of minutes, she reluctantly pulled away to stare at her daughter, taking hold of her hands.</p><p>"I'm so proud of you baby girl, you're going to do great today!"</p><p>Mila nodded, and looked down at her feet, before looking back up at Santana with a courageous smile.</p><p>"Te quiero Mama"</p><p>"Yo también te quiero, pequeña"</p><p>The little girl then reached her arms out towards Brittany, who wrapped her up in a tight embrace.</p><p>"You just be yourself today, okay? I love you Mila Moo"</p><p>"I love you too, Aunty Brit-Brit"</p><p>It took three attempts for Santana to finally leave but when she did, Brittany placed a supportive hand on the small of her back, as Santana bit her lip to stop the tears.</p><p>As soon as they were back in the safety of the car, the tears came flooding out, and Brittany reached out to give her a cuddle.</p><p>"It's just like…when we stood there and kissed and cuddled her at the end, she went all silent and just gave us that big smile. I felt like she was holding it in and trying to be really brave and assure us. I can't explain it" she rambled; her voice thick with emotions.</p><p>"I know, it was her little face, she was just trying to be so brave, wasn't she?" Brittany nodded in agreement, her own blue eyes filling up with tears.</p><p>"Are you crying too?" Santana laughed, through her tears, and all Brittany could do was nod and laugh with, her emotions also getting the better of her as the tears spilled down her cheeks.</p><p>It was a special moment that neither of them could explain, going back to the place they had first met and started their journey, and taking Mila there to start her own journey.</p><p>"I feel like I've imagined that day, since the moment I held her in my arms and decided to keep her, and now it's here and she's actually at school" Santana sighed, as they began the drive back to Santana's apartment.</p><p>"It's just gone so quick hasn't it? I remember every little milestone. I remember every place I was when you sent me a video of her doing something new. Crawling, walking, now going to school" Brittany shook her head in disbelief.</p><p>As they pulled up at the traffic lights, Santana removed her hand off the wheel and reached out to squeeze Brittany's hand.</p><p>"Thank you for being here with us today"</p><p>"San…I wouldn't have missed that for the world" Brittany smiled, squeezing Santana's hand in return.</p><hr/><p>After spending the rest of the day together, Brittany trying to curb Santana's nerves about how Mila was getting on, the two of them went to pick Mila up from school. She bound out of the doors excitedly, and her eyes lit up as Santana lifted her into her arms. Her joy and happiness was evident, and it flooded both Santana and Brittany with relief to see she'd had a great day.</p><p>When Mila had told them all about how Lily had been upset and teary, but she had held her hand and made her feel better, Santana and Brittany shared a knowing look. It was crazy to think how much Mila and Lily's situation mirrored their own, with Mila of course taking just after her mother in supporting her friend.</p><p>The two of them listened with great enthusiasm as Mila recounted her day, until Brittany's phone started to ring. It was Chris, the Director of Aladdin on Broadway aka her old boss. She wondered what he could want, and ignored it the first time, turning her attention back to Mila with a view to phone him back later. But when he had called her again instantly, she excused herself and went upstairs to answer, thinking it might be something important.</p><p>"Hello?" she said, as she picked up the phone.</p><p>"Brittany, hi, how are you doing?"</p><p>"Hi Chris, I'm doing okay thank you. Getting there slowly with everything, and it feels good to be back in Lima. Is there something important you wanted to talk about? I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be rude…it's just if you're just calling for a general catch-up, I'll call you back if that's okay? It was my little niece's first day at school today, so I'm part way through hearing all about that"</p><p>"No, no that's okay. Look, I won't keep you long. I just wanted to speak to you about an opportunity that might be good for you. I know you said you couldn't return to New York right now, which is understandable. But there's something else I know of that I think would be great. Are you working right now?"</p><p>"I'm just doing some freelance teaching at a studio in Lima" Brittany shrugged "it pays the bills, I haven't really thought about what I'd like to do long term. Maybe going into teaching in a school or a college, but still in dance. I'm not sure yet"</p><p>"Okay, well hear me out on this first. It's all top-secret at the moment obviously, but they've picked up Aladdin for a worldwide tour next year. It'll start in Germany, then it's going to hit other parts of Europe, before winding up in Asia and Australia at the latter end of the year"</p><p>"Okay…" Brittany said uncertainly, unsure where Chris was going with this.</p><p>"Well they're looking for a new choreographer, and obviously you'd be great for it. You've already got the background and they've seen what you did with the Broadway show and loved it. I know the Director, Kurt, and he'd be interested in speaking with you for a chat about it, if it's something you'd be up for. I just thought…it's a great chance for you to get back to doing what you love, without having to settle back in New York. You'd be touring with the company, and they'd put you up in all the 5-star hotels as part of your contract. You'd be perfect!"</p><p>Brittany's head was spinning, she wasn't expecting this at all.</p><p>"When would they need somebody to start?" she asked, her voice wavering.</p><p>"Well, the tour starts the end of January, so rehearsals start over in Germany at the beginning of December, so that's when you'd officially hit the road. Until then, there'd be some prep you'd need to do, some Skype meetings, and they might want you for a couple of rounds of auditions, but nothing too heavy. The contract wouldn't start until the end of October"</p><p>Brittany closed her eyes and screwed up her forehead, as she tried to make sense of her thoughts. It was an amazing opportunity, and it was a great chance for her to do what she loved again without having to return to New York, Chris was right about that. But as great as it was professionally, she wasn't sure how it would make her feel personally. She was still healing and being back in Lima made her feel happier than she had felt in years. Especially being so close to Santana and Mila.</p><p>"Chris, I don't know" she sighed "It sounds amazing, it really does…and I'm so appreciative of you thinking of me. But I'm <em>really</em> happy back here in Lima, I don't think I can give this up"</p><p>"I understand that, but it would only be for a year. I don't need an answer today. Look, I won't keep you any longer but, at least think about it okay?"</p><p>But as Brittany walked back down the stairs and watched Santana and Mila laughing away together on the sofa, she knew her decision was final.</p><p>"Thanks Chris, but my decision is final"</p><p>A smile broke out across her face as she watched them, and with that, she hung up the phone and went back over to join her girls.</p><hr/><p>It had taken both Santana and Brittany by surprise, when at the end of the month, Dani had requested Brittany's help on a shopping trip. It was going to be 6 months since Santana and Dani's first date tomorrow, and Dani wanted to buy Santana something special.</p><p>For Brittany, she was surprised that Dani actually wanted her help, because she got the vibe that Dani really didn't like her. She hid it well, but Brittany wasn't stupid.</p><p>For Santana, she was both surprised and disappointed that Dani was going all out for their 6 month. She hadn't thought about doing gifts or anything like that, she assumed they'd maybe have dinner together to celebrate but…that would be it. 6 months was nothing, a year would be different. But then Santana admonished herself. 6 months should be a big deal to her, considering it had been the longest "official" relationship she'd ever been in, but she knew it was her dwindling feelings for Dani and her burning, overwhelming love for Brittany that was making her feel like this wasn't something really worth celebrating. Nevertheless, she would have to bite the bullet and buy something for Dani too, and she waved her girlfriend and the object of her affections off trying not to think about the irony of it all.</p><p>Brittany was also thinking of the irony of her helping Dani pick an anniversary gift for Santana. Her love for the brunette was more prevalent than ever, yet here she was gritting her teeth, helping her girlfriend pick out a romantic gift. Still, she held her head up strong and put on the front that seemed to always work so well for her. People called her stupid for years, but they could never see through the fact she was so in love with Santana, so she couldn't be <em>that</em> stupid.</p><p>As they walked through the Lima Mall, Brittany mustered up her most enthusiastic tone.</p><p>"Well she loves her bling, so jewellery could be a good place to start?" she suggested, even though it pained her to say. She wanted to be the one buying Santana jewellery, not Dani.</p><p>But Dani shook her head;</p><p>"Actually, I thought we could stop off for some coffee and a quick bite first" she smiled nonchalantly, gesturing towards the pretzel placed.</p><p>Brittany frowned in confusion but went ahead anyway. She thought they had come here to shop, not bond over coffee and pretzels.</p><p>As they sat down with their coffee's and chosen pretzels, Cinnamon for Brittany and Almond for Dani, Brittany began to pick awkwardly at the plump twist. She could sense some serious tension in the air, and it was making her feel severely uncomfortable, as her eyes darted around, and she cleared her throat.</p><p>"How's yours?" she said, in an attempt to hide the growing unease around them, gesturing towards the pretzel.</p><p>"Cut the crap Brittany" Dani replied shortly.</p><p>It took Brittany aback, and she swallowed so hard that the piece of pretzel she was chewing almost got stuck in her throat. Lost for words, she looked at Dani questioningly.</p><p>"I didn't come here to make small talk over pretzels and go shopping with you" Dani began "I came here to ask you what the fuck is your motive with my girlfriend?"</p><p>Brittany's eyes bulged, because once again she was so taken aback, she couldn't even make the words form in her throat.</p><p>"W…what do you…what do you mean?" she stuttered.</p><p>"I mean what I say. I have eyes Brittany. I see the way you look at her. The way you bend over backwards to do anything for her. So, I'll ask you again, what's your motive?"</p><p>Brittany's face blushed red, and she cursed her genes for always letting her down this way.</p><p>"I don't have a motive Dani. I don't know what you're talking about. She's my best friend, and of course I'd do anything for her, I love her, but that's it. No motive, no anything. We're just friends"</p><p>Dani scoffed</p><p>"If you're just friends then why do you look at her like you're undressing her with your eyes?"</p><p>And once again Brittany swallowed hard, she glanced down at her feet because she wasn't entirely sure how to answer. "<em>Yeah, great mask Brittany, great way of hiding it" </em>she said to herself.</p><p>"Look, I don't want to be a bitch to you, because you mean a lot to Santana and evidently, she means a lot to me. And I know you've been through a tough time lately, but I'm going to say this to you once and once only. Back off okay? She's mine, and we're happy, and I don't want anything to get in the way of that" she said sternly.</p><p>Brittany couldn't help but feel her eyes water. Maybe it was bringing back memories of all the dressing downs she had received from Denver, or maybe it was just that she was so ashamed to be caught out. She couldn't defend herself, all she could do was muster a firm nod. Suddenly Dani's demeanour softened, and she let out a smile, but it wasn't a particularly nice one.</p><p>"Good" she said "you know, I think you're right about the bling. Santana does love her jewellery, so maybe I'll go with that. I think I'll go choose something on my own though" she said.</p><p>With that, she tossed a 10-dollar bill onto the table and left the restaurant, leaving Brittany's head spinning.</p><hr/><p>The next night was date night. Santana looked at herself in the mirror and let out a sigh as she straightened herself up.</p><p><em>"Come on Santana you can do this, it's just a meal out with your girlfriend" </em>she said to herself. But convincing herself of these feelings and stringing this along was becoming harder and harder for her to deal with.</p><p>She was intrigued to see the gift that Dani had gotten for her, knowing that Brittany was the one to help out with it, or so she thought anyway. She knew nothing about Brittany and Dani's little chat, because neither of them had told her of course. Her own gift was something simple, and didn't contain too much thought, she had gone for a bottle of Dani's favourite perfumes. If it was up to her, she'd do the traditional route of flowers and chocolates, but when she heard that Dani wanted to take Brittany out shopping, she knew Dani must have been putting more effort in and thus she had to do the same.</p><p>As they sat in the restaurant, they had their first date at, Dani insisting that they go there in a bid to make it even more romantic, Santana sipped at her wine in an attempt to ease her nerves and enjoy the night. It almost reminded her of the days when she had dated men, when she had sat through countless dates feeling uncomfortable, but never really knowing why she felt like that. She knew now it was because she wasn't being true to herself, and now that she was here with Dani, she knew she wasn't being true to herself again.</p><p>She had sensed a shift in Dani's mood this evening as well. She seemed jittery and absent for the most part. Maybe they were on the same wavelength, Santana mused. Maybe Dani could sense a difference between them also, and the relationship was going to come to a natural end. A much better outcome for Santana, than having to break up with her and potentially hurt her.</p><p>So, when Dani suddenly took Santana's hands in hers and began speaking, Santana was even more shocked to learn their wavelengths were actually polar opposite.</p><p>"Santana, 6 months ago, you sat across from me at this very table and we had our first date. You were so scared to be yourself, but you intrigued me, and I could just see something in you, and I knew we'd make it work. Since then, you've come so far. You've been brave enough to come out to all of your friends and family and made all of these sacrifices to be with me. I can't believe how far you've come since the last time we sat here together, how far <em>we've</em> come"</p><p>Santana's heart froze, where on earth was Dani going with this!?</p><p>"Basically Santana, you make me super happy, and I want what we've had these past 6 months <em>forever</em>. I know this is quick but…when you know you know, right?"</p><p>And as Santana watched in horror as Dani pulled out a small box and got down on one knee in front of her, the people around them turning to stare and "aww" and some even taking pictures, she could barely remember how to breathe. Her stomach was twisting in knots. She thought they were cooling off; how could she not sense Dani was so far the opposite and was going to do <em>this</em> instead!?</p><p>"Marry me babe, make me super happy forever" she winked.</p><p>Santana swallowed, but her mouth was dry, and she looked down at her girlfriend's hopeful face. Then she glanced around at all of the people in the restaurant, their faces mimicking the hopeful expression of Dani's. The pressure was undeniable, but how could Dani do this? This wasn't even something they had discussed. And she felt terrible for keeping her hanging on one knee, as she watched Dani's face turn from hope to worry, and she felt even more terrible for what she was about to do. But this wasn't right. She couldn't marry Dani!? God no. Not this quick. Not ever actually, considering she was in love with Brittany. And she couldn't continue stringing Dani along if this was how strong Dani was actually feeling.</p><p>"I…I can't. I'm so sorry" she stuttered apologetically. Her face burned as she picked up on the whispers all around her. This was her worst nightmare right here. She was so embarrassed, and she felt so bad. So bad to the point she could believe why some people said yes solely down to pressure. But she wasn't that person.</p><p>Dani stood up adamant and closed the box.</p><p>"Okay, okay, I get it. It was too quick. It's okay, we can wait" she said her face frantic, her words hurried.</p><p>Santana gulped. Time for Brutally Honest Lopez to return, come on…where is she?</p><p>"No Dani it's not just that. This whole thing. This relationship. I can't do it anymore…I'm sorry" she said ruefully.</p><p>She didn't stick around for a response, she slammed the rest of her wine and ran out of there so fast, the tears pricking her eyes as she called a cab. She felt a mixture of emotions.</p><p>
  <em>Embarrassed. Humiliated. Mortified. Horrified. Ashamed. Regretful. Nervous. Sympathetic.</em>
</p><p>And…determined.</p><p>Determined that this couldn't go on any longer now. She had finally done the right thing and ended things with Dani, and now she had to be even braver and tell the girl she was in love with, exactly how she felt.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Chapter 33</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As she sat in the cab home, Santana began to recognise there was a familiar pattern in her behaviour. She would realise something way later than she should have, but then once she had realised it, it would be all consuming and she could never go back. It had been that way with her sexuality, and now it was the same with her feelings for Brittany. She couldn't shake the way she felt about her, and it almost seemed senseless that she had taken so long to come to the realisation, knowing that she now felt as strong as she did. There was no way she could hold it in any longer, and certainly no way she could continue dragging Dani along. <em>Especially</em> after tonight. It had been a long, hard 12 weeks of keeping such a secret, and a long hard, 12 weeks of watching Brittany grieve and heal and build her life again. She was just hopeful that her revelation could change both of their worlds forever, and that Brittany would be happy and open to something, rather than weirded out by the fact her childhood best friend was desperately in love with her. She knew Brittany. She knew she would be nothing less than supportive, and she knew that if Brittany let her, she could make her incredibly happy.</p><p><em>"I mean, we're perfect together…right?" </em>Santana mused in her head. Quinn had seen it, Dani had seen it, Santana <em>knew</em> it in her heart. Okay, maybe at first, Brittany would be confused like she was, and she'd refuse to see it. But Santana just had this innate instinct, that Brittany was her person, and whether it was straight away or later on down the line, Brittany would see it too. Even if Brittany rejected her, which she couldn't let herself think too deeply about because the thought crushed her, she had to let her know and hope for the best. This secret was tearing her up inside, and she could no longer handle the suspense of not knowing how Brittany felt about her. She didn't need to visualise too deeply to imagine them as a little family in Lima, Brittany, herself and Mila. Keeping that image in her mind was enough to drive her forward with confidence. The timing just felt right to do it now, and it was taking everything in Santana's power not to tell the cab driver to turn around and head straight to Brittany's house so she could spill it there and then, but she wanted it to be more special than that. So instead, she carried on the route home, her mind spinning with the events of the night and the realisation of what she was soon about to do.</p><hr/><p>As she let herself in, she found Quinn on the sofa watching old reruns of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, which she instantly switched off as if she had been caught watching something outrageous. Santana felt her lips pull into a smirk at the action. Quinn would tease Santana relentlessly about her addiction to reality TV, but Santana knew that Quinn was partial to it herself, she'd just never admit it.</p><p>"What are you doing back so early?" Quinn frowned.</p><p>"Early enough to catch your guilty pleasure you mean?" Santana teased, sticking out her tongue, before glancing upstairs "Is Mila asleep?"</p><p>Quinn nodded, her green eyes boring into Santana with a questioning look, still wondering why she had arrived back from her date night so early. Santana sat down with a sigh.</p><p>"Dani proposed…" she began, watching as Quinn's face changed to one of surprise "I said no" she clarified, on noticing Quinn wasn't sure how to react.</p><p>"I guessed so. I mean you've barely been together two minutes so…I don't blame you" Quinn shook her head, seemingly still in shock, then a thought crossed Santana's mind.</p><p>"Wait…you didn't know, did you?"</p><p>Quinn shook her head again, but this time out of adamance.</p><p>"No! God no. I know you Santana, and I know you wouldn't want to get engaged this early on into a relationship. If she'd have told me she was planning to do that I would have advised her against it. I thought the whole "lesbian couple get a U-Haul after the second date thing" was just a myth but…I mean what was she thinking?"</p><p>Then Santana had another thought cross her mind. Brittany and Dani's shopping trip. Did Brittany know Dani was going to do this!? But she rid her mind of the thought as soon as it arrived. There was no way Brittany wouldn't have done the exact same thing that Quinn had said. Brittany knew Santana even better than Quinn did, there was no way she'd encourage Dani to propose, because she'd knew Santana wouldn't want that.</p><p>"I don't know I…I feel really bad because I could tell she was crushed but…there's no way I could have gone along with that" Santana shrugged.</p><p>"Yeah you would have only been lying to yourself, and lying to her too. Being engaged is a big thing. You did the right thing" she assured gently "So…where does that leave you two now?"</p><p>Santana sighed. She felt bad that she was putting Quinn in the middle here, knowing she was friends with both of them. She was closer to Santana, but still.</p><p>"I ended things" Santana looked down, playing with her hands to avoid Quinn's stare "I just don't really see how we can continue when we're on <em>such</em> different pages like that. And to be honest…It made me question my feelings and realise they maybe weren't as strong for her as I thought…"</p><p>She trailed off and chanced a look at Quinn, her worries slightly dissipating when she observed that she didn't look angry.</p><p>"That's understandable babe. Sometimes it takes a big thing like that to make us realise something we didn't already know. You know what I've always said, you've just got to do what makes you happy. I'm sad for Dan but…if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. I'll call her later; check how she's doing. Are you feeling okay?" Quinn asked, reaching out to place a reassuring hand on Santana's arm.</p><p>Santana wavered, as she considered telling Quinn about her feelings for Brittany, before deciding against it for now. Brittany was the person she needed to tell first, nobody else. So instead, she nodded, and set about making telling Brittany a reality.</p><p>"I'm fine. Honestly, I am. Dani is a lovely girl, and I'm really glad she came into my life when she did because it made me come to a lot of realisations about myself, but I'm not heartbroken that we're finished, and that should say something. I just hope she's not too down about it because…I really do feel awful. I'm glad she has you as a friend though, Q" Santana smiled, placing her hand over Quinn's appreciatively "And I'm glad <em>I</em> have you as a friend too of course, and I'm thankful you stepped into watch Mila tonight but, I was wondering…"</p><p>Quinn laughed; she knew Santana all too well.</p><p>"Get to it Lopez, what is it you want?"</p><p>"I was wondering if you'd mind doing the same tomorrow night? If you can't, it's fine I can ask my parents…" Santana began, before Quinn cut her off.</p><p>"Is that it!? Of <em>course</em>, I'll watch her" Quinn laughed, like it was the most obvious answer in the world. "You know I love spending time with that special child. She's been showing me her new tap routine tonight, and honestly if it was anybody else's kid I'd be taking the shoes and putting them somewhere they couldn't find them, but I could listen to her clip clopping about all night. She's such a gift."</p><p>Santana laughed and nodded her head in agreement.</p><p>"Thanks Q, there's just something really important that I need to do that's all" she let out a coy smile and Quinn threw her another one of her infamous questioning looks.</p><p>"I'll fill you in when I can, I promise" Santana added, knowing Quinn would drop it now that she had said that. She was really good at doing that and not pressing on matters, even if she really wanted to know.</p><hr/><p>After some more small talk, Quinn left for the evening, and Santana dragged her tired body up to bed. It wasn't even that late, but what a day it had been. She needed her sleep, especially in preparation for her big plan tomorrow. She stopped into check on Mila first, who was as expected, fast asleep. Santana smiled as she watched her daughter's face, lit up by her nightlight. The hint of a dreamy smile was splashed across her features, and Santana wished she could see inside Mila's little mind, to see what she was dreaming about that made her smile like this.</p><p>She bent down and placed the gentlest of kisses against Mila's forehead, so not to wake her.</p><p>"Sorry that I have to leave you with Aunty Quinn again tomorrow baby, but this time it really is going to be all worth it. You're going to love it, I promise" she whispered quietly, to the sleeping girl, as she stroked her hair delicately off her face.</p><p>The mom guilt was real. She hated leaving Mila in the care of others, but as a single mom, it was unavoidable. She knew Mila didn't mind because the people minding her were always people she loved; Quinn, Brittany, her grandparents, and sometimes Uncle Pablo and his girlfriend Gina (who Mila was fascinated by). She rarely ever did it two nights in a row, because yes mom guilt was real, but she knew that leaving her tomorrow could lead to special repercussions if it all went the way Santana wanted it too. She knew Mila adored Brittany with her whole heart and more, so seeing her get together with her Mama would make her especially happy.</p><p>After giving Mila one last kiss, Santana retired to her own room and got ready for bed. When she was all ready for bed, she pulled out her cell and text Brittany. It was a little over 10pm, so she should still be awake, Santana had thought.</p><p>
  <strong>Babe, can I take you out tomorrow? X</strong>
</p><p>Short, simple, and didn't give anything away. But Santana had made sure to place emphasis on the fact she wanted to<em> take</em> Brittany out, so it was like a date but, inexplicitly so.</p><p>Brittany's reply came fast, much to the relief of Santana.</p><p>
  <strong>Hi you! How was your date night? Take me out hey ;) What are you wanting from me missy? Are you trying to butter me up? You should know by now you never need to do that! Xx</strong>
</p><p>Santana chewed her lip apprehensively. She couldn't lie to Brit, but she couldn't tell her everything about Dani over a text either. Dani wasn't even important right now. All that mattered was what she needed to tell her.</p><p>She kept her response simple once again.</p><p>
  <strong>I'll fill you in on everything tomorrow! And nope, no catch. I just want to do something nice for my favourite person in the world. So, shall we say 8? X</strong>
</p><p>No sooner had she sent the text, had Brittany replied once again.</p><p>
  <strong>It's a date! Xx</strong>
</p><p>Santana couldn't prevent the wave of butterflies that formed in her stomach, and fluttered their way up to her heart, making her cheeks burn. She knew it was just an expression, one that Brittany had used flippantly many times before, but she couldn't help but smile at the phrase.</p><p>A date it was. And Santana was going to make sure it was the best date ever, even if Brittany didn't know it was an "official date" yet.</p><hr/><p>The next day at work dragged hard for Santana, and she was itching to get away to start her plans, her stomach bubbling with nerves and excitement. It reminded her of the long Fridays back in High School, when the Cheerios would be going on a weekend competition in a different state, and her and Brittany would get into trouble for talking excitedly about it. They'd often ended up separated in class because of this, and then the day would drag even more.</p><p>But eventually 5PM came around, and she sprinted off in her car towards Faurot Park, having already told her mother that she'd be a bit later picking Mila up today. She had the moment she was going to tell Brittany she loved her, planned out like a movie scene. It needed to be perfect, and she needed the perfect location to tell her.</p><p>She could have had Quinn take Mila to her place, leaving them with Santana's apartment to themselves. They could have had an old-school BritBrit Santana night, which they always loved; comfy clothes, films, takeout and good wine. But that just didn't seem special enough.</p><p>The obvious option would be to take Brittany out for a nice meal, but that seemed too…<em>cliché?</em></p><p>Didn't everybody have their "first date" at a restaurant? For starters, she had even done that with Dani. No. It needed to be more special, because Brittany was <em>special</em>. She wanted it to be more of an intimate setting, somewhere meaningful, somewhere that there wasn't loads of other people around also enjoying their own date night.</p><p>And then just as it did with everything; the idea hit Santana like a ton of bricks. And as soon as she had the idea, she couldn't stop thinking about how amazing it was and wondering how she hadn't thought of it in the first place.</p><p>Faurot Park was a special place to Santana and Brittany, because it was a place they had always come. Right back from the very beginning of their friendship as children, up to now when they'd bring Mila. It was the place they had shared many deep and meaningful conversations, along with many laughs too.</p><p>In their teenage years, they would spend a lot of evenings here just the two of them, lay atop a picnic blanket looking up at the stars. Brittany had always loved the stars, and she was fascinated by astronomy.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>It had started in second grade, when Brittany had attended Santana's 8th birthday sleepover. It was just the two of them, just the way Santana liked it, even though her mother had said she could invite four friends. But Santana was adamant, all she needed and wanted was Brittany. As always, they had the most fun playing house, watching movies, making popcorn and telling secrets in their homemade den. But when it came to sleeping, after Maribel had left the room having tucked them in, kissed both of them goodnight and switched out the light, Santana felt Brittany stiffen beside her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Sanny what happened to your night light?" she swallowed; blue eyes wide with apprehension as they adjusted to the dark surroundings.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"My Papi took it away Brit-Brit, he thinks now I am 8, I should be able to sleep without it. I think he was right, because I'm not scared. Being 8 feels good" Santana smiled proudly, before noticing the worried look on her best friends face. She could vaguely see her features through the darkness, due to their close proximity in the bed. She fumbled for Brittany's hand, which she found with ease, and gave it a gentle squeeze.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Are you scared Britty?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany looked down, ashamed that she couldn't be as brave as her friend.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"A little" she admitted, the tears pricking her eyes as the darkness further consumed her. She didn't like the fact that if she turned away from Santana, it was so dark she could see nothing but emptiness. Anything could be there.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sensing that Brittany felt embarrassed, Santana rushed to assure her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It's okay to be scared Brit-Brit. You are only 7 still"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana knew Brittany wasn't that much younger than her, and that she would turn 8 in the summer before third grade, but she would say and do anything to ensure Brittany didn't feel stupid or embarrassed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana instinctively jumped out of bed to switch the main light on, and ease Brittany's anxieties but Brittany stopped her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No San, we might get in trouble" she said worriedly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I don't care. You're scared. I don't want you to be scared, I want you to sleep and have sweet dreams" said the adamant 8-year-old Latina, but Brittany's hand found hers in the dark and pulled her back towards the bed, so that Santana could again vaguely see her features.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I…I think I might be okay with you. I want to try it, but will you cuddle me while we sleep?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana smiled that soft smile that was only reserved for Brittany.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Of course, Brit-Brit. I've got you, I pinky swear. Nothing can hurt you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And with that she clambered back into the bed and held Brittany tight in her arms. After a few minutes of silence, she squeezed Brittany closer and whispered to her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"See it's not so bad. You're being so brave Britty, I'm proud of you. But if you get too scared, just tell me, and the light goes right on."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany smiled and closed her eyes, not wanting to let her voice betray how anxious she was feeling, but feeling a bit better now she was in Santana's arms. At some point, she let her worries wash away and sleep took over her, and she was so relieved to wake up in daylight.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Once again, Santana gave her a bone crushing hug and praised her for her bravery, but as she bid her best friend goodbye, she was straight on with her plan. She never wanted Brittany to feel scared at her house again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was a few weeks before Brittany got to see Santana's handy work, Brittany had deliberately hosted their last couple of sleepovers, but she knew she couldn't avoid Santana's house forever. She loved being there, and they had a great evening, but as it came to bedtime Brittany felt her anxieties swirling around her. She wasn't sure she could do this again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana could sense Brittany's unease, and she so badly wanted to tell her what she had done to help, but she wanted to keep it a surprise and give it the full effect. So she cautiously waited until Maribel shut out the light and closed the door, and as soon as she did she grabbed Brittany's hand to soothe her, before pointing up at the ceiling.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Look Brit-Brit"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And as Brittany looked up, she saw the constellation of glow-in-the-dark stars staring down at her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Wow. Sanny…I love them. You didn't tell me you got those" she gasped, seemingly in awe at the dim lights that adorned the ceiling.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It was a surprise" Santana shrugged, causing Brittany to spin around and face her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You did that for me?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana nodded proudly, her eyes radiating from the moment Brittany's face broke out into a beaming smile. She loved nothing more than making Brittany happy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Okay so she hadn't put them up herself, George had done it after she begged him for the stars, but it was all her idea. She had told her father that she was the one who wanted the stars, even though the dark didn't really phase her. George had agreed, being that the only reason he had taken Santana's night light away was that he had been involved in a study at work around bright light making it harder for children to get enough quality sleep. If Santana was still scared of the dark, George wasn't too alarmed, knowing she'd grow out of it. But Santana getting good quality sleep was important, and he thought 8 was a good age to take away the night light. Now that she had requested the stars, he didn't see the issue with them since they didn't let out harsh light.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"See Brit, if you get scared, just look up at the stars. You'll grow to love them, and you can't have stars without darkness, so you'll start to love the dark too" Santana philosophised.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And just like everything, Brittany believed Santana's wise words, and she stared up at the ceiling again with a content smile. Suddenly she was less scared, and she could sleep easy now.</em>
</p><hr/><p>Santana smiled as she recounted the memory. It was one that she had momentarily forgotten, since they had so many, but it did remind her to try glow-in-the-dark stars with Mila. She was only 5 as opposed to 8, but if the study her father took part in was to be believed, perhaps now she had started Kindergarten would be a good time; because she'd need her sleep more than ever now.</p><p>It had sure as hell worked on Brittany, and prompted her to go home and get her own stars installed on her bedroom ceiling, and that's where the astronomy obsession had started. Stars became a source of calm for Brittany.</p><p>When she was upset over the bullies at school calling her stupid, Santana would bring her to Faurot Park to calm her, and they'd spend hours looking up at the stars with Brittany pointing out all of the different constellations.</p><p>"See Brit" Santana would tell her "How can you ever doubt that you're a genius when you know all of <em>this. </em>Don't believe what those idiots at school tell you. They don't understand how your beautiful minds works, that's all".</p><p>Similarly, when Santana was angry and full of doubt about herself, Brittany would bring her to Faurot Park, and once again they'd look at the stars.</p><p>"A star is a star, it doesn't matter where in the star you shine" she lulled, desperate to raise the Latina's self-esteem, which behind the front she put on was actually incredibly low.</p><p>And when Brittany had first left for New York, and they were missing each other, they started out this thing where they'd both look out of their window; comforted by the fact they were both under the same starry sky.</p><p>Yes, Faurot Park held a lot of special memories for them, and it was the perfect place. Santana found the perfect spot, to go with the perfect place, to tell the most perfect girl how she felt about her. It was the spot they always sat, by the stone bridge and in view of the pond, tucked away in a corner where people rarely walked by.</p><p>She looked at her watch, observing how much time she had before she'd need to go back and get ready, before carefully setting everything up. Making dens and telling secrets, was always another huge part of their friendship growing up, it only seemed right to make the best and biggest she'd ever made, to tell Brittany the best and biggest secret she ever had.</p><p>When she was finished, she stood back to observe her work. By now it was just past 6pm, and the sky was turning darker, but only when they arrived later would they be able to view it in its full effect.</p><p>With a satisfied smile, she gathered her things and hurried on back to her car to collect Mila from her parents' house.</p><hr/><p>It was as Santana was getting ready, that the nerves truly began to kick in. She was just 30 minutes away from going to pick up Brittany, and Quinn was due here any time now. She had settled for a simple all black outfit, black skinny jeans and a plain black-tee, brightened up with her baby pink double lapel jacket. Pink wasn't usually a colour that she reached for, but she subconsciously found herself pulling it out of her closet today.</p><p>"Pink is a good colour for love" she shrugged, before cringing internally at what she had just said. Who <em>was she</em> now?</p><p>To finish the look, she paired it with her Doc Marten boots, since heels were out of the question due to the walking they'd be doing. She really would have loved their first date to involve looking super glam, because Santana never felt as confident as when she was wearing a dress and heels, but it had to be outdoors and weather appropriate. She figured she could make her hair and makeup the star of the show. She had deliberately styled her hair in a way she knew Brittany loved, with her fringe clipped back, showing off the hoops she was wearing. She applied coats and coats of mascara, to accentuate her deep brown eyes, laughing internally at the realisation she had never cared to make this much effort for anyone before, not even on her first date with Dani.</p><p>As she studied herself in the mirror, she was distracted by Mila plodding down the stairs and looking up at her in awe.</p><p>"You look extra pretty tonight Mama" she beamed.</p><p>Santana smiled and ruffled Mila's hair, pleased that somebody had noticed her effort. She picked the little girl up and fixed her on her hip, placing a loud lipstick covered kiss on her cheek, much to the giggles and protests of Mila.</p><p>"Are you going out with Dani?" Mila questioned.</p><p>"No baby, I'm actually going out with Aunty Brit-Brit tonight" Santana smiled. She hadn't gotten around to telling her daughter about her breakup with Dani just yet.</p><p>"Aunty Brit-Brit will tell you that you look extra pretty too, because she always says me and you are the prettiest girls she knows" Mila observed smartly.</p><p>"She does, doesn't she? But I happen to think that actually, you and <em>her</em> are the prettiest girls I know"</p><p>"Well <em>I</em> think, that you and Aunty Brit-Brit are the prettiest girls I know, so we all must be the prettiest"</p><p>"Hey…what about me?"</p><p>The two of them turned to find Quinn who had let herself in, feigning surprise as she stood at the door. Mila scrambled to get down and run over to Quinn, always eager to not offend.</p><p>"You are the prettiest too Aunty Quinny!" she proclaimed "You have such pretty eyes"</p><p>Quinn laughed picking the little girl up.</p><p>"I'm just joking with you Mila G, but I must say I agree with you, Mama <em>is</em> looking very beautiful tonight, isn't she?" said Quinn, as she eyed Santana up and down.</p><p>Santana rolled her eyes and smiled, never great at accepting compliments, but inside her heart felt happy with the double bout of approval she had received so far. She just hoped Brittany would feel the same way.</p><p>Satisfied she was fully ready and glad that she didn't have to drive anywhere tonight, she poured herself a glass of wine to steady the nerves.</p><hr/><p>The short cab ride over to Brittany's was a nerve-wracking one, and Santana anxiously picked the skin around her nails as she mused over and over about what she was going to say, how she was going to say it, how Brittany was going to react. As she felt her mind spiralling, she shoved her hands into her pockets.</p><p><em>"Your hands are your tools now, can't be doing that" </em>she told herself.</p><p>When she arrived, she tossed a 20-dollar bill at the cab driver and told him to keep the change. She didn't have the nerve to hang around waiting, she needed to get this on the move, and she hoped a good deed would bring some good karma her way. As she rang the buzzer, she couldn't help but feel like a scrawny teenage boy taking the girl of his dreams out for the first time. Suddenly Brittany's voice sounded through the intercom system.</p><p>"You coming up?" she asked casually. Why wouldn't she be casual? She had no idea that Santana had planned this as a date.</p><p>"No…no just come straight down if you can. We need to get somewhere" said Santana, hoping the tension wasn't obvious in her voice. There wasn't really a time limit for getting to the park, but Santana knew she couldn't hold her nerve long enough to sit around in Brittany's apartment and get carried away with chatting and a glass of wine.</p><p>"Okay, be down in a min!" Brittany said, and Santana could hear the smile in her cheerful voice.</p><p>As promised, Brittany was downstairs a minute later, dressed in her fluffy cardigan and large scarf. She had of course received the memo from Santana to dress comfortably and wrap up enough for the cool late September chill. What made the outfit, was the woolly hat with the giant fluffy pom-pom on top. It was so authentically Brittany, and Santana thought she looked adorable. As Brittany stepped forward to envelope Santana in a tight hug, Santana felt as if she could easily die inside. She basked in the blonde's warmth and sweet Brittany smell, eyes shut with a hint of a smile on her face, before reluctantly pulling away. If she didn't do this now, she never would.</p><p>She held her arm out and signalled for Brittany to link her, before setting off towards the park.</p><p>"Follow me, my lady" Santana joked, putting on a formal tone, much to Brittany's amusement.</p><p>"So…are you gonna tell me where we're going yet?" Brittany pleaded like an excited child on Christmas. Santana laughed, because she knew Brit all too well. She loved surprising people, but when it came to people surprising her, she could barely wait. She'd do everything in her power to get them to give it up. She'd even admitted that the first Christmas she found out Santa wasn't real and that her parents stored all of the presents in the spare closet, she had gone snooping. She looked at everything her parents had bought her, and then feigned surprise on Christmas day, still equally as excited as she was when she first found them. She just couldn't help herself.</p><p>"You'll see soon" Santana smiled, her eyebrows raised, determined that she wouldn't be giving in to Brittany. Not this time.</p><p>Soon they were approaching the park and Santana stopped Brittany in her tracks.</p><p>"Okay babe…I need you to put this on"</p><p>Brittany looked at the blindfold that Santana had dangled in front of her with confusion, which soon turned to laughter.</p><p>"San, where the <em>hell</em> are you taking me!?"</p><p>"You know it's a surprise Brit. You trust me, right?"</p><p>"Of course. Always"</p><p>"Then put it on, and I'll guide you. Not long now, I promise"</p><p>Brittany giggled in anticipation, and turned around to allow Santana to fix the blindfold. Once Santana was sure it was tight enough, and she was happy that Brittany couldn't see anything, she took her by the hand. She wrapped her other arm around Brittany, so she could steer her better, as she walked them towards the park.</p><p>A few minutes later, they had reached their destination and Santana placed Brittany in position. She let out a chuckle as she observed Brittany glancing around when she felt the loss of contact, a move that proved pointless since Brittany was blindfolded. She quickly bent down to put the finishing touches to her creation, before turning back to the blonde.</p><p>"We're here now Brit, I'm going to take the blindfold off now" said Santana, as she began to carefully untie the garment.</p><p>She watched as Brittany's eyes adjusted, as she stared out at the pond in front of her, taking in her surroundings.</p><p>"Where are we Britts?" said Santana, with a knowing smile.</p><p>"We're in Faurot Park" Brittany replied, returning the smile "Our special place."</p><p>"Yep" Santana clarified, before placing her hands gently on Brittany's shoulders "Now…spin around".</p><p>Brittany did as she was asked, and as she turned, she gasped at the sight. Santana had set up a tipi for them by wrapping sheets and blankets around the trees. She had made sure the top sheet was mesh, so that they could look up, and of course see the stars. She had hung solar powered fairly lights around the blankets, and solar powered lanterns from the trees. The floor was covered with multiple blankets and soft cushions, and to the side there were candles that Santana had just lit. The other side held red wine and a cheeseboard, a favourite of both of theirs, alongside some other nibbles.</p><p>Brittany was truly blown away, and she found herself lost for words, tears brimming her aqua eyes. It was like something out of a film, and she couldn't fathom when Santana had found the time to do this.</p><p>Santana broke the silence, as she studied Brittany's face.</p><p>"Do you like it babe?"</p><p>Brittany instantly span around to take both of Santana's hands, squeezing them tightly.</p><p>"San, I love it. It's perfect. This is so special to me" she spoke softly, her face lit up from the lights and the candles that surrounded them "<em>You're</em> so special to me" she corrected.</p><p>"You're so special to me too, Brit" Santana swallowed, before leading them over to the blankets.</p><p>As they got comfortable, Brittany found herself still staring around in awe, while Santana poured them both a glass of wine. She really, <em>really</em> needed it, for what she was about to do.</p><p>"What made you do all of this?" Brittany asked, her voice full of admiration. She knew she'd had a hard couple of months, but she never expected Santana to go to this much effort, just her being there was enough.</p><p>"Well…I wanted us to have a night like we used to. We've spent so many nights in this spot, watching the stars, just the two of us. I wanted to go back to our roots and give you a special night"</p><p>Brittany shook her head and let out a content sigh, she really had struck lucky with this thoughtful girl. She leaned forwards and gave Santana a simple peck on the forehead, a gesture that made Santana close her eyes and let out a sigh.</p><p><em>"Be brave Santana. Be Brave." </em>She told herself.</p><p>She had given Brittany the short answer of why she had done this tonight, now she needed to give the long one.</p><p>"Brittany…I need to tell you something"</p><p>She let out a sigh, the band aid was slowly being peeled off, now she just needed to rip it away altogether. She looked at Brittany for a response, but the answer she gave, wasn't one that she had expected.</p><p>"That's weird because…I have something I need to tell you too."</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>AN- Another cliff hanger, I know...I'm awful for them. But don't worry, I won't leave you hanging over the edge for long. The next chapter is already written and can be posted tomorrow.</strong>
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  <strong>What do we think of the new dynamic of the story in seeing Santana handling her feelings? First part was all Brittany's pining, now it's Santana.</strong>
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  <strong>Always love to hear your thoughts! See you tomorrow!</strong>
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<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Chapter 34</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Santana looked at Brittany, her courage temporarily halted by Brittany's response. What on earth could Brittany need to tell her, that she hadn't already. For a second, she considered that Brittany was going to say the words that Santana wanted to say to her, but she quickly disregarded that thought. Whatever it was, Santana came to the conclusion that it couldn't be as important as what she needed to say, and knowing that her revelation would probably lead to a deep conversation that lasted the rest of the night, she decided to let Brittany go first. She sighed to regain her composure, her tone jittery and hands nervous.</p><p>"O…okay Brit, well why don't you go first?"</p><p>Of course, Brittany could see right through Santana, so she held out her hand and placed it on top of Santana's, to stop the fumbling she was doing.</p><p>"Babe…you seem nervous about something, is everything okay?"</p><p>Santana swallowed thickly, pulling herself together and forcing a smile.</p><p>"I'm fine. I'm fine Brit, honestly. Just say what you wanted to say"</p><p>Santana was trying desperately to hide the impatience inside her. She just wanted Brittany to hurry up and let it out, so she could then tell Brittany about her feelings. Brittany studied Santana's face, in an attempt to read her, her expression uncertain.</p><p>"Okay well…if you're sure" she said, and Santana nodded firmly.</p><p>Whatever Brittany said, wasn't going to make Santana change her mind about telling her. She had to say it.</p><p>"Well…a few weeks ago, I got a call from Chris, you know my old boss? He told me that Aladdin is going to be doing a worldwide tour next year, and that they were looking for a Choreographer. He essentially offered me the job on the spot but said I'd need to speak to the tour director. Anyway…I had a conversation with him this morning and he said if I want it, the job's officially mine…so I decided to accept it."</p><p>Santana's heart dropped; her face expressionless apart from the slight furrow of her brow. Of all the things she thought Brittany was going to say, this wasn't it. Since Brittany had decided to leave New York and return to Lima, she'd just taken it as a given that she would stay here. The image she had conjured up of her, Brittany and Mila being a family in Lima, was shattered before her eyes.</p><p>Sensing Santana's lack of reaction, Brittany reached out for Santana's hand again, the gentle squeeze bringing Santana out of her thoughts.</p><p>"It's only a year San, it's not forever, and we can FaceTime and call and message every single day, like we used to do when I lived in New York. You and I have this long-distance thing down to a fine art by now, and yeah I know we're gonna have different time zones to factor in this time but…we'll make it work; we always do"</p><p>Santana swallowed harshly, to rid herself of the lump in her throat, determined for her next words not to come out as a mere croak that would give her away completely. She felt guilty for her silence, and the way it was causing Brittany to go into some frantic spiel. This was an amazing opportunity for Brittany, and it was <em>her</em> life. It was the chance for her to go back to her dream job, without having to return to the harsh situation she was faced with in New York. She couldn't be selfish about it and expect Brittany to stay in Lima forever again. She had kept a 9-month pregnancy a secret just so that Brittany would go on and chase her dreams in the first place, who was she to stand in the way now? The reality was, is that this time, it felt even harder.</p><p>Maybe it was because of what she was about to tell Brittany, and she knew Brittany's revelation could change everything, or maybe it was because it had all come so out of the blue, but either way; it hurt.</p><p>But of course, she couldn't let that show, and she put on her trademark Santana Lopez fake smile, and pulled Brittany in for a hug. She burrowed her head into Brittany's shoulder, silently drawing strength from her, even though she was unintentionally the one causing her pain.</p><p>"Brittany…that's amazing! I'm so…so happy for you"</p><p>"Really?" Brittany pulled back, locking eyes with Santana and searching them for signs of doubt, but Santana closed them and let out a nod.</p><p>"Yeah of course, really! I'm just…in shock that's all. I didn't expect you to go again so soon, and I'm going to miss you so much, as will Mila. But this is an amazing opportunity for you. I'm really proud of you B…as I always am"</p><p>"Thanks, Sanny. Your approval always means the world, you know that. I'll miss you so much as well, and Moo, but I don't leave until December. We have a couple of months to do lots of fun things together, I already have lots in mind. And then when I do go, you could maybe even come and visit. See the world, get out of America…"</p><p>Brittany was talking with such frantic excitement that Santana had to smile through her sadness. She knew the reality would be she probably wouldn't get to go and visit Brittany, (international flights don't come cheap), and it would be the longest she'd ever gone without seeing her, but she had to be happy for her best friend. For the woman she was so desperately in love with, she'd do anything to see her smile.</p><p>"What will you do about your apartment?" Santana questioned.</p><p>"I'm just going to find somebody to take over the lease for the year, even if I don't find someone straight away, it's okay since the pay cheque for this is great, and all my accommodation with the tour is included so…it'll work out"</p><p>"Well…it sounds like you've got it all sussed babe" Santana smiled, before taking a large sip of wine to calm herself.</p><p>Brittany squeezed Santana's hand appreciatively, before mirroring the action and taking a sip of her own wine.</p><p>"Oooh…what did you want to talk to me about?"</p><p>Brittany said suddenly, when she remembered that Santana had said she had something to tell her too.</p><p>Santana inhaled deeply, as she considered her options. She had gone to all this effort to tell Brittany tonight, and she was finding it increasingly difficult to keep this secret much longer, but she was struggling to see how she could tell Brittany now. They were about to embark on different paths again, away from each other. She couldn't help but think this was a sign from the universe, that now wasn't the right time. Maybe another time would be right, maybe when Brittany was back from this tour and had hopefully settled back in Lima again.</p><p>She let out an internal laugh, as she realised how much this situation ran parallel to the one, she had found herself in a little over 6 years ago. When she had met Brittany for coffee to tell her about her pregnancy, but Brittany had beat her to it with her news about getting into Juilliard. Santana backed out of telling Brittany that day, and she kept that secret for months so that Brittany would still live her dream. Now here she was again, about to tell Brittany something life changing, but Brittany had beat her to it with yet another scenario that had her leaving the picture. And just like she had 6 years ago, Santana worried that telling Brittany what she had to tell her, would hold her back from her dreams. Although…Santana couldn't deny, as much as her intentions were good, hiding Mila from Brittany hadn't gone so well for them. Should she really be hiding stuff again?</p><p>Deciding she needed to put Brittany first, herself second, she pushed the lingering thought down and went against her better judgement.</p><p>"Dani proposed…" she blurted out.</p><p>Brittany spat out her wine and looked up in shock, and if Santana wasn't feeling so heartbroken right now, she probably would have laughed at how cartoon like Brittany's response was.</p><p>"And I…well I take it you said no?" said Brittany, with little attempt to hide the bitterness and jealousy in her voice.</p><p>Not for a minute when Dani had mentioned buying Brittany jewellery, did Brittany think it was going to be an <em>engagement</em> <em>ring</em>! Then Brittany's eyes widened as she recalled she was the one who mentioned jewellery in the first place. She hadn't driven her to this, had she!? The thought of Santana getting engaged to Dani was crushing her enough as it was, without the thought something she had said had led to that decision. She knew in her heart of hearts though, that her off the cuff comment about Santana's love of jewellery wasn't the reason, it was more likely the fact Dani was trying to stake her claim, given the stern warning she had given Brittany on that day they'd gone shopping.</p><p>"Of course I said no. God Brit…I'm not ready to get married yet, especially not to somebody I've only been dating for 6 months"</p><p>Brittany let out a breath that she didn't even know she was holding.</p><p>"How did she take it?" Brittany asked, her tone softening through the immense amount of relief she was now feeling.</p><p>"Not so well…as you can expect. I mean, I think she tried to backtrack but…" Santana trailed off with a shrug, she didn't want to spend the rest of the night talking about Dani.</p><p>"I'm sure you'll work things out, you just need a good couple conversations to talk it through and figure out where you're both at"</p><p>That's when it occurred to Santana that Brittany thought they were still together.</p><p>"Brit we broke up…"</p><p>And for the second time that night, Brittany's face was full of cartoon like surprise, only this time she hadn't spat her wine everywhere.</p><p>"What! Why? I thought you…really liked her?" Brittany spluttered out. She couldn't bear to say the word love, so...<em>really like</em> would have to do.</p><p>"I did…well at least I thought I did but…I don't know Brit we're obviously just not on the same page with everything. It's for the best…now can we please stop talking about my failed relationship and just, you know…enjoy our evening together?"</p><p>Brittany swallowed tersely and let out a reassuring smile.</p><p>"Of course San. I just want to check, are you okay though?"</p><p>Santana looked away, because she couldn't bear the sympathy in Brittany's shining blue eyes. The fact that she thought she could be so cut about Dani, when the only person she was cut over was her. It was all wrong. Forcing her stare back onto Brittany she nodded convincingly.</p><p>"Babe I'm fine, honestly. Like I say, it's for the best. I'm just going to take some time to be me, work on myself, focus on Mila…you know?"</p><p>Brittany held Santana's stare, before nodding in agreement.</p><p>"Okay. Okay well I'm glad you're feeling good about it all. I don't even need to tell you that I'm here for you if you need me, because you already know" she said softly, before taking hold of Santana's wine and placing it down in the makeshift tipi "Now let's enjoy our special night together. Just me and you"</p><p>And with that, she lay back on the blankets, and encouraged Santana to lay on top of her stomach, the two of them staring up at the sky deep in thought.</p><hr/><p>They had a lovely evening together enjoying the efforts Santana had gone to, just the two of them in the peaceful darkness of the park, but they would have been lying if they said their evening was completely carefree. Both of their minds were clouded in thought, thoughts that left them both feeling a little heavy.</p><p>For Santana, it was the sadness of long-distance with Brittany, after a blissful 3 months in Lima feeling complete again. And of course, even more-so, it was the sadness of her not being able to tell Brittany the way she felt about her.</p><p>For Brittany, it was <em>also</em> the sadness of long-distance with Santana and Mila, after a blissful 3 months in Lima feeling complete again. But, even more-so, it was the fact the reason she had accepted the job in the first place was to take a step back, so not to hinder Santana's relationship. Now it had ended anyway, had she made a huge mistake in accepting?</p><p>
  <em>Truly shaken up from her conversation with Dani, Brittany had gone home that night and cried. She'd never seen that side to her best friend's girlfriend before, and quite frankly she was embarrassed that Dani had caught her out the way she had. She thought she had been hiding her feelings for Santana well up until that point.</em>
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  <em>She didn't know what to do. She was confused, angry and ashamed, and she was terrified that Dani was going to tell Santana. Even if she didn't tell her, maybe Santana would figure it out for herself.</em>
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  <em>What scared her the most, was the thought of Dani breaking up with Santana, because of her. She couldn't physically bear the thought of indirectly causing Santana pain, because she couldn't keep her feelings under control.</em>
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  <em>And then through the confusion, came the 1 string of clarity that had kept her sane throughout all the years that she had nursed feelings for Santana.</em>
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  <em>If you love her, let her go.</em>
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  <em>Before she knew it, she was dialling Chris' number, telling him she'd had a change of heart. He was delighted, and said he'd arrange a call with Kurt as soon as possible, and this morning after speaking with Kurt; everything was confirmed. She was officially the Lead Choreographer for the worldwide tour of Aladdin, and she'd be leaving for Germany in December.</em>
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  <em>She should have been happy. She should have been excited. But she wasn't. All she felt was a heavy sadness at leaving Santana, Mila and her own family behind. She'd felt happy back here in Lima, and being around these people had really helped her heal, but she couldn't sit by forever and hope that Santana was going to turn around and tell her that she loved her the way Brittany loved her.</em>
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  <em>Maybe a year away would do her some good, help her to get over Santana. She'd never done a tour before, but she knew from her dancer friends that it was always a lot of fun and you nearly always formed close friendships with the cast and creatives that surrounded you. Seeing new places and different walks of life, wild nights out, tour bus hook ups. She'd heard it all, and she was certain it would be the perfect distraction in finally moving forward to put this unrequited love to bed.</em>
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  <em>Most importantly, she would be taking a step back and ensuring she wasn't ruining anything in Santana's relationship. Santana was happy, and that's all she could want, and it was all she was using to try and convince herself to be excited about this new chapter in her life.</em>
</p><p>Now that Dani and Santana were over anyway, Brittany couldn't help but think she had made a huge mistake, and that this all seemed pointless. Contracts were signed just an hour before Santana arrived to pick her up when she had received them via email, and she didn't even know if she could back out now, but she felt a huge sense of regret in her decision. She didn't know what to say, but she found herself turning to Santana and saying something.</p><p>"You know…I was just thinking, and…I know you said you're fine about breaking up with Dani, but regardless of how you're feeling, breaking up with someone is still hard and a big transition. I want you to know that I'll stay here with you if you need me, I'll call Chris right away and turn the job down...if you want me to…"</p><p>Brittany swallowed, the question hanging thick in the air. The thought that perpetuated both girls' minds, was one of the same.</p><p>
  <em>"Tell me to stay"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Tell her to stay"</em>
</p><p>Santana opened her mouth, and she almost felt the strength to say the words, <em>almost</em>. But then she blinked and let out a nervous laugh.</p><p>"No Brit, this is a great step for you. You need to go; you'd be silly not to. There's more to life than Lima, and you know that better than anyone. We'll always be here when you get back from doing amazing things."</p><p>She cursed inwardly, at the lies she had just span. She had told Brittany to go, when she really wanted to tell her to stay, all because she felt doing so would make her selfish.</p><p>And Brittany closed her eyes and sighed, as she licked her lips nervously to regain composure. It was settled then. Santana hadn't told her to stay, so she needed to go.</p><p>The air that surrounded them for the rest of the night was bitter, with both girls feeling crushed at Santana's words.</p><hr/><p>The next two months were jam packed with activities for Santana, Brittany and Mila, as Brittany had promised. As expected, Mila was initially distraught at the news Brittany was leaving again, but they managed to talk her around in the end with promises that it wouldn't be forever this time. It was a lot of transition for Mila, having being told that Dani and Santana had broken up at around the same time, but luckily, she had taken that news pretty well. Her only concern being that Santana was okay, but Aunty Brit-Brit leaving was a whole other level, and it tore Brittany up inside seeing Mila cry like that. She vowed to make the next 2 months together as special as possible for the three of them, creating long lasting memories. Both Santana and Brittany holding on to that family feeling that they both secretly enjoyed, unbeknownst to each other.</p><p><em>"It's only one year, then I'm back here, I promise you" </em>were the words that both Mila and Santana clung on to. Santana just hoped that Brittany really did keep to that promise.</p><p>They'd picked a good time of year to do all the "family stuff" together, being that there were so many holidays. First up was Halloween, and Brittany had gone all out on surprising Santana and Mila with costumes. The three of them were going co-ordinated, but Brittany wouldn't let them see their outfits until the very last moment. When she finally did reveal them, Mila was overjoyed, and Santana thoroughly impressed by her efforts.</p><p>"You've truly outdone yourself this year babe!" Santana enthused, as she took Brittany into a hug, before stepping back to admire the white trouser suit that Brittany had sourced for her.</p><p>Brittany had decided to go with a music theme; knowing how much Mila had loved dressing up as her idol Taylor Swift before. She had managed to find a mini cheerleading outfit that was identical to the one Taylor wore in her latest song "Shake It Off", and the look on the little girls face when she saw the costume, told Brittany that she had <em>definitely</em> got it right.</p><p>In sticking with the music theme, Brittany had decided that her and Santana were going to dress as Britney and Madonna from the Me Against the Music video. Naturally, she was going to be her namesake, leaving Santana as Madonna.</p><p>It was both a blessing and a curse for Brittany, when Santana walked out in that white trouser suit. She swore she felt her eyes bulge when she first saw her, and she wondered if she actually was turning into an animated character with all of her over the top expressions of late. She admired her best friend, strutting up and down so sexily, wondering how on earth she was going to keep everything at bay tonight.</p><p>After Halloween, came Thanksgiving, and it was a real special one. Usually, the girls would spend Thanksgiving with their own families, but there had been few occasions over the years where Brittany had joined the Lopez's or Santana had been welcomed to the Pierce's. This year, Brittany had the idea to join both families together. It had been one hell of a year, and the two families got on well, so why not?</p><p>It was a great day, and Santana relished in how well Maribel and Whitney got on, and how Pierce fussed over Pablo, being that he didn't have a son of his own. It was the kind of happiness that made her wish they were a blended family all of the time. She hadn't realised until that day, how being a family extended past just herself, Brittany and Mila, but she wanted all of it. She couldn't think of better in-laws than the Pierce's.</p><p>Brittany had also thoroughly enjoyed Thanksgiving, but it was tinged with Sadness that in 8-days-time, she'd be leaving Lima and flying out to Berlin. She wanted to stay wrapped up in this family bubble they'd unconsciously created, forever.</p><p>Before she went, there was time for one last holiday celebration. Being that she was going to be away for Christmas, Santana, Brittany and Mila decided to do a Christmas of their own, on the day before Brittany was due to leave. They'd even done a fake Christmas Eve, with Brittany staying over the night before, the three of them wearing Christmas Pyjamas and watching Christmas movies, all cosied up together. They had told Mila that Santa wouldn't be coming this time, and this was just a practice, but there would be some presents still, just from Aunty Brit-Brit rather than Santa.</p><p>The day was filled with fun, laughter, games, music and of course a Christmas dinner, and the three of them had the best time, not moving out of their Christmas PJs all day, except for the bit where Brittany donned a Mrs Claus costume to hand Santana and Mila their presents, much to Mila's delight and Santana's laughter.</p><p>"We should give this a name, it's like Christmas but better" Santana laughed, as they settled on the sofa, full up from all of the food they'd devoured.</p><p>"I know!" Brittany said, her eyes bright "We should call it Snixxmas" she laughed, pretty impressed with her quick wit, referring to Santana's alter ego, which actually rarely came out now she was a mother.</p><p>Santana laughed along and nodded her head in agreement.</p><p>"Well If I do say so myself, I think Snixxmas might even be better than Christmas"</p><p>"Oh really…why's that?" Brittany smirked, and Santana felt her heart jump at Brittany's flirty tone. Her own tone, was of course completely soft, the way it always seemed to be whenever she was speaking to Brittany.</p><p>"Because I get to spend it all with just my two favourite girls of course…just the three of us"</p><p>The two of them shared an intimate look; Mila distracted by her new children's keyboard that Brittany had gifted her for Snixxmas. It was a charged moment, one filled with both love and sadness, as they realised Brittany would be leaving soon.</p><p>She'd be leaving for the airport tomorrow, but on this occasion, Santana had decided not to go with her. She still remembered the airport goodbye when Brittany went to New York like it was yesterday, and how painful it was. The way they had promised they would see each other in two weeks, but it had ended up being almost 7 months, which then turned to almost 6 years of long-distance friendship, despite their plans to always live together.</p><p>Brittany had promised she'd be back in a year, but what if she wasn't? Santana didn't think she could go with her to the airport, because if she did, there was a strong chance she wouldn't let her get on that plane. Brittany felt the exact same way, and when Santana had suggested the airport goodbye might be a little too hard, she'd strongly agreed with her. She also felt, if Santana held her hand all the way there like she did before she left for New York, she'd never let her go. She'd never make it on the plane.</p><p>So, tonight was going to be their goodbye. The first goodbye was to Mila, who had fallen asleep after the excitement of the day, something Brittany was glad about because it made the goodbye a little easier. She glanced at Santana, who nodded understandingly, knowing exactly what Brittany was silently communicating. And on Santana's approval, Brittany carried Mila up to bed, tucking her in tight and trying her best not to wake her. She kept it simple, she told her that she loved her and that she'd miss her, and that she'd always be at the other end of the phone. And she told her what she had been saying to reassure all three of them from the start, <em>it was just a year.</em> The tears misted her eyes as she heard Mila mutter out "love you" mid sleep, but she tore herself away before the tears really began to fall. She would miss that little girl so much.</p><p>Then she spent more time with Santana, just the two of them, neither of them discussing the inevitable in an attempt to keep the evening light. It had been a recurring theme through the past couple of months really. They had barely talked about Brittany leaving, both of them almost with the same philosophy of "if you don't talk about it, it's not real".</p><p>There had been a few occasions, where they'd let their masks slip though, projecting their insecurities onto each other, rather than directly saying what needed to be said.</p><p>"Are you sure you're okay with me leaving? I just worry that you're saying you're fine about the break-up, put you're putting on a front, and honestly San, there's still time for me to change my mind."</p><p>"Are you sure you're going to be okay out there? I know touring is going to be an amazing experience for you, but I just worry that with everything you've been through this year, you should be around your friends and family, <em>here</em> in Lima."</p><p>The worries were genuine from both girls, and they weren't saying it solely to provoke a reaction, but there was a definite pattern of both of them saying things to try and get the other to stop all this from happening. Santana wanted Brittany to stay. Brittany wanted Santana to <em>tell</em> <em>her</em> to stay. But both girls were too selfless to say what they really wanted to say, so they carried on, enjoying their time together before D-Day arrived.</p><p>And now D-Day <em>had</em> arrived, and suddenly they were sat in a thick silence, the two of them aware it was probably time to say goodbye now. Brittany had stayed for as long as possible, and Santana's eyes were starting to droop despite her insistence on keeping awake. The way they were acting, you would think that Brittany was being sent off to war, not a round the world tour in the job of her dreams.</p><p>The goodbye actually contrasted their original goodbye, in the way that there were much less words involved. They hugged tearfully, and whispered how much they loved each other with their promises to FaceTime every day, a promise they knew they'd easily stick to. Santana told Brittany how proud of her she was, and Brittany told Santana to give Mila a big kiss from her in the morning. Other than that, they kept the words fairly simple, choosing to say everything with that long-lasting tight hug instead. Because this time, words were too much to hear and to say. They were only going to make things harder, and really, they didn't need to be said. They knew how much they were going to miss each-other; it was a given.</p><p>Just as the sadness was becoming completely overwhelming, Brittany took her cue to leave, wiping the tears from her blue eyes. And with one last "Love you" and goodbye, she was gone, and Santana cried even harder.</p><p>But the tears that came the next day, were even worse. With Mila spending time with Abuela and Abuelo, Santana having deliberately sent her there because she didn't want to have to put Mila through a Saturday off school where all she could see was her mother moping around, there was nothing to distract her from her thoughts.</p><p>She was texting Brittany, and drinking wine in a bid to numb her thoughts (it wasn't working), as Brittany gave her minute by minute updates of her arrival to the airport, she'd be pulling up any time now.</p><p>And even though Brittany had told her last night "It's not goodbye, it's just see you soon", Santana couldn't help but feel something about last night felt so...<em>final</em>.</p><p>Feeling encouraged by the wine, and even more encouraged by the strength of her love for Brittany, it was taking everything in her power not to call a cab right now, and dash to the airport to stop Brittany getting on the plane, proclaiming her love for her in front of everyone in the terminal, like one of those cliché movies.</p><p>As she pulled out her cell, quickly strolling down to C in her contacts, she hovered over "Cab" in her contact lists.</p><p>But then she rolled her eyes at her own ridiculousness, before focusing her gaze on the contact underneath. Someone she hadn't even properly thought about in months, someone she'd actively ignored, but who right now, could provide a very welcome distraction. Without a second thought, she dialled the number.</p><p>After a few rings, the familiar voice answered the phone.</p><p>"Santana?" the voice answered, sounding incredibly confused.</p><p>"Hi Dani, what are you up to tonight?" she purred seductively, the wine filling her with confidence, but not getting rid of <em>any</em> of the sadness she felt in her heart, as she thought about the love of her life boarding a plane to the other side of the world.</p><p>It was the furthest they'd ever been away from each other, and Santana could only hope that the invisible string that she was so sure held them together, could stretch 4334 miles and continue to tie them together, before bringing Brittany back to her.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Authors Note: Sorry to upset you guys :( If it makes it any better, I don't enjoy writing chapters like this as much as the fluffy love filled ones where everything is going great, and as a writer I'm as desperate for them to get to end game still as you are haha! I just know what I need to do to get them there.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I do want to say thank you to the Guest who left the review praising the timeline of the story. This meant a lot because I know a few people have given up on this due to how incredibly slow burn it is, so to hear someone say they're actually enjoying that process and will be sticking with, felt good.</strong>
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  <strong>The thing is with this story, the whole plot is centred around all the obstacles they have in getting them together but always finding their way back to each other due to that "invisible string". So to get them together any quicker, would take away the point of the story.</strong>
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  <strong>What I will say, is that when these two finally get it together, there will be a lot of chapters as Brittana as a couple. I personally don't like it in stories when it takes so long for them to get together, then we only get 1 or 2 chapters of them together properly, so I certainly won't be doing that. I also have a sequel planned so yes- when we get there, I promise there will be a lot of Brittana.</strong>
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  <strong>Thank you so much again to everyone still reading, and to all those who go out of their way to review, you know who you are!</strong>
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  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Chapter 35</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>AN- Hey everyone! So sorry for the lack of updates recently, I've been super busy recently with the lead up to Christmas and work etc., so just haven't had the time to update, but this story hasn't been forgotten I promise. I should start to have more time now as it starts to slow down to get back on track.</strong>
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  <strong>I wanna thank you all for your patience and positive words so far. I know some have had to let it go which I get, it's a reaaal slow burn, but for those of you hanging in there I appreciate it and promise it'll be worth the wait. A lot of you were rightly stressed and frustrated at the last chapter, I totally feel you haha, but I promise Brittana is on the near horizon now.</strong>
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  <strong>Thank you again for reading, being patient and taking the time to review. I hope you all enjoy!</strong>
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  <strong>5 Years Later- September 2019</strong>
</p><p>Santana sat in the reception of The Fabray Hotel, idly picking away at the polish on her nails as she waited for Quinn to emerge. She frowned as she noticed the polish begin to chip, even though it was her own doing, and shoved the hand into her pocket.</p><p>"Santana Lopez?"</p><p>Santana turned around in her chair at the familiar voice that she still recognised all these years later, and low and behold, there he was in all his trouty mouth glory, his bleach blonde hair looking exactly the same as it did when she had last seen him a little over 10 years ago. It was the time she was trying to keep Mila a secret, so she had been mortified at his presence. The times before that she had held a strong resentment towards him, and just the sight of him made her involuntarily shudder. She never fully knew at the time why she had such a disliking to the (in her opinion) incredibly dumb, but harmless boy, but now she knew that it was jealousy because of her feelings for Brittany. Now, 11 years since they had both graduated McKinley High School, she felt nothing towards him but sincerity. No grudges were held, and it was nice to see a familiar face from the past. <em>A sign of maturity, </em>Santana thought to herself, as she mused over the fact, she'd be turning 30 next year.</p><p>"Sam Evans. Fancy seeing you here!"</p><p>Sam smiled before glancing over at the long check-in queue and turning back to Santana.</p><p>"Well there's no point in me standing in that if you've got a few minutes to catch up"</p><p>"Sure" Santana smiled, gesturing for Sam to take a seat in the chair opposite her "I'm just waiting for a friend, but I think she'll be a while yet"</p><p>"So how have you been?" Sam asked, as he sat down in the chair, leaving his luggage beside him "I think the last time I saw you was not long after we graduated, like…10/11 years ago now? You said you'd got that Nannying gig…"</p><p>Santana looked at Sam with a knowing smile. She knew that Sam had seen through her lies that day, after all he was the one who told Brittany, and as angry as she may have been at the time for his meddling, she was so glad now that he'd told her. Who knows when she would have plucked the courage up otherwise?</p><p>"I think you know I wasn't actually working as a Nanny that day…" Santana smirked, her eyebrows raised as Sam looked down with a laugh.</p><p>"Yeah…I knew as soon as I looked at her that she was yours. She was a mini you. And what with everything Brittany had told me about the way you'd been acting, and even the way you acted with me that day. It didn't take a genius to put two and two together and realise what was going on, I mean you should know because, I worked it out and…I'm no genius" he laughed, trying to make light of the situation.</p><p>"I thought my Nannying was a great on the spot excuse but…I guess you're right" Santana laughed, before turning serious "No but honestly, thank you Sam…for telling Brittany. I might not have been so thankful at the time in my head, when she told me it was you that told her, but in hindsight I'm so glad you did. Telling her was always going to be so hard for me, but luckily you doing it meant I didn't have to. Everything got so much better when she knew"</p><p>"Don't mention it" Sam shrugged, letting out an awkward laugh, he wasn't really sure where to steer the conversation, so he chose the safest option that was mutual ground for both of them "So are you still in contact with Brittany?"</p><p>Santana let out an uncontrollable smile, the same way she always did when she heard Brittany's name.</p><p>"Of course" she nodded "We're closer than ever"</p><p>"I'm glad to hear it. I thought you guys would stay close. Brittany was pretty bummed when things were rocky between you two, but I always told her you'd work things out. We stayed in contact for a bit after that but…you know how life gets in the way. I haven't heard anything from her in years now. How is she doing? What is she getting up to?"</p><p>"Well…" Santana began, as she prepared to fill Sam in on Brittany's life in a nutshell.</p><p>
  <em>When Brittany left for the Aladdin tour in December 2014, it left a hole in both hers and Santana's heart. They both missed each other desperately, both secretly harbouring their love for each other, and looking for distractions to ease the pain. For Brittany, the fast pace of tour life was a good distraction, but not good enough that she could forget about Santana. To do that, she'd have to cut her off completely, but that was an impossible task. Instead they did the opposite and found a way to FaceTime every day, no matter the time difference. It made their friendship even stronger, but their pining for each other harder. Brittany found herself in a string of pointless hook ups. It felt good for her in a way, because she'd been in a serious relationship since she was 18, and it was the first time she was able to have fun and embrace single life. But she knew she would have traded that in for a relationship with Santana any day. They were always just fun, casual hook ups, never anything more. Interestingly enough, despite being hyper aware of her sexuality, Brittany never hooked up with girls. The furthest she went, was making out with a girl in France, but it didn't feel right to her. She couldn't deny being insanely attracted to her, and to so many other girls along the way in her travels, but she felt like her heart belonged to one girl, and one girl only. She almost felt stupid for letting her seemingly unrequited love stand in the way, but she couldn't help the way she felt. She wanted Santana to be the first and only girl to touch her, so for now, that was how it was going to stay.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As the days drew by, Santana found herself counting down the days, hoping that the year would go down without a hitch, and that Brittany would return in December 2015 as promised, then she could tell her how she felt about her. Luckily, Santana didn't need to wait as long as anticipated before seeing Brittany again, because for her 25th birthday her parents surprised her with plane tickets for her and Mila to go to London, at the same time Brittany would be there on tour. Brittany was of course, involved with the surprise and on hand with the planning, and when June rolled around she couldn't help but let out tears as she greeted her best friend and her 6 year old goddaughter (who Brittany pretended had grown loads to amuse the little girl, but really she was as petite as ever), at Heathrow Airport.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was Santana and Mila's first time out of America, and Brittany relished in their excitement, determined to be the perfect tour guide. They did all of the stereotypical tourist things, photos outside Buckingham Palace, a trip up the London Eye, shopping on Oxford Street which ended in Brittany racking up a bill on her credit card buying half of Hamleys Toy Store for Mila, much to Santana's disproval.</em>
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  <em>They of course got to see Aladdin, and Brittany made sure they had the full star treatment, seating them in a box complete with butler service. Mila had gone all out in her Princess Jasmine costume, and Santana and Brittany savoured the joy in her eyes, the same expression mirrored in her face from when they had taken her to her first Taylor Swift concert 2 years previously. Perhaps their favourite part though, was the backstage tour, when the three of them had taken a magic carpet ride together at the permission of the director Kurt, who Brittany had become rather close with. As Brittany held on tight to Santana, who held on tight to Mila, despite the harnesses keeping them safely in place, she felt an intense happiness wash over her, and an innate knowing that this was how life was meant to be. Enjoyable memorable moments as a family, with Santana and Mila in her arms.</em>
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  <em>They shared many sweet moments like this on the trip, and lots of funny moments too, such as the time when they got lunch down by the lake in Hyde Park, where a waitress had boldly told Santana she looked like an American singer. Brittany and Santana had sat for ages, trying to work out who the waitress could be confusing her with, until it became a game of process of elimination. Eventually, they figured out it was JLO, and the two of them couldn't stop laughing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Maybe I'll start calling you JLO from now on. Or better still…SLO" Brittany had joked, as Santana belly laughed with the hilarity that she, little old Lima Heights Adjacent Santana Lopez, had been mistaken for JLO.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I mean it's a compliment…maybe I should come to the UK more often" Santana chuckled.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well Miss Lopez...I actually happen to think you're hotter than JLO" Brittany winked, causing a blush to rise to Santana's cheeks.</em>
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  <em>As always, the goodbye was hard, but they did well to keep the tears in to stop Mila getting upset. Although, Santana did let a few silent ones slip out when they were flying over Spain, safe in the knowledge Mila was fast asleep, the excitement of the trip having truly worn her out. All she could repeat to herself in her head as comfort, were the promises from Brittany that she'd be back in 6 months. She could only hope the tour wasn't extended, or that Brittany wasn't tempted back to New York or something like that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Much to Santana's delight, Brittany stuck to her word, and she did return to Lima in December 2015. Unfortunately, that joy was pretty short lived, because by May 2016, Brittany was up and out of Lima again. This time, heavily encouraged by Kurt who had landed the Director job, she had taken on the role as Lead Choreographer for the National Tour of Aladdin.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana was shattered when Brittany delivered the news she was leaving again, it was almost too good to be true that she would return to Lima and stay forever. It just felt like another of those moments where the invisible string would thrust them back together, only to expand and push them back apart again, with each girl still holding on by a thread. Santana could only hope that one of the times they'd be thrust together again, everything would be in sync and Santana would finally be able to tell Brittany how she felt. So far, every time that had happened, something had got in the way that made it clear to Santana it was the wrong timing. It was something that made her love and hate her belief in fate. She loved it because it kept her positive and assured her that if Brittany and her were meant to be, they'd find their way to one another one day, but she hated it because her strong belief of signs and divine timing held her back in moments when she just wanted to blurt out the way she felt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Always one to try and find a positive in every situation, Santana was thankful that the distance between her and Brittany wasn't as bad as the last tour. She was only ever a short flight away now, and the time difference was obviously easier. It actually allowed them to create some great new memories together and gave her and Mila more excuse to travel to see Brittany. Like the time they had gone on their first ever trip to LA in September 2016, something Santana was more than excited about because she had always been intrigued by Hollywood, but never had the chance to visit. As they rode in Brittany's rental car from the airport, they shared a laugh at how Santana had gotten so overly excited at her first glimpse at the Hollywood sign, while Mila's scream of excitement had come when the radio started playing Bad Blood. Mila Grace Lopez, ever the Taylor Swift fan. Hollywood in itself wasn't quite as glamorous as it cracked up to be, but Santana and Mila still had a great time taking in the sights, going on tours, and spending long sunny days on the beautiful Californian beaches. But, as excited as she was seeing Katy Perry's house on the Hollywood Homes tour they had done one day, Santana's favourite part of the trip was just a simple BritBrit Santana night, when Kurt had kindly offered to watch Mila (the little girl had taken a huge shining to him on the few times she had met him) , leaving Brittany free to take Santana out for the night, to her favourite spot for dinner. It almost felt like a date. Almost.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When the tour landed in Nashville in March 2017, just in time for an excitable little girl's 8th birthday, it seemed fitting for them to visit, with Mila dying to see the place where her idol started out. In true touristy Santana and Mila style, with tour guide Brittany on hand, they visited all the Music City landmarks, and took in the neon lights of the bustling Nashville streets. They humoured Mila with a game of "Spot Taylor Swift" even though they knew it was more likely to have seen her on one of their many trips to New York, or on their recent trip to LA. As amazing as the Nashville scene was, Santana found that as always her favourite memories with Brittany were always the simplest, and on this occasion, it was the day they sat haphazardly in Centennial Park, Santana using Brittany's legs as a pillow as they watched Mila play. The spring-time sun lit the leaves up golden, as they embarked towards the Parthenon, Brittany keen to make sure they had seen every sight. Santana loved the way Brittany had seen so many places now through her work, and she always made an effort to explore each and every one and uncover all the history.</em>
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  <em>As summer 2017 rolled around, the tour wound up with a month of shows in Chicago, and Brittany could tick off yet another successful run as Lead Choreographer. She enjoyed her time in Chicago the most of all, as the fast-paced city life reminded her of the New York buzz she had come to miss so much. By the end of the run, she found herself at a bit of a crossroads. Life in Lima felt so far away now, and she had become accustomed to the fast and ever-changing pace of life on the road. With both Brittany and Kurt having fostered good relationships with Disney after all their work on Aladdin, they were both scouted to work on the Broadway opening of Frozen, which was due to open in March 2018. Work was to begin immediately, so there wasn't much time to reach a decision, and Brittany was extremely reluctant at first. In her mind, she had closed the chapter of New York, but with Kurt seeing how much she truly missed life in the big city, he encouraged her to give life in New York a second chance. A clean slate, a new start from her old life there, with Kurt by her side (now solidified as her Gay BFF after of course, Santana). So, she took the opportunity, and moved back to New York in September 2017.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Now it was September 2019, and Brittany had been situated back in New York ever since, earning rave reviews as the Choreographer for Frozen, with two associate's underneath her to manage and keep her busy. Just like the old days, the frequent trips to New York had started up again for Santana and Mila, and of course Brittany would return to Lima where possible.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana had just come to accept that Brittany was always destined for bigger and brighter things than the world of Lima, and as much as she had hoped they'd have their little family life together that she had never stopped picturing over the past 5 years, she was just happy her best friend was doing so well for herself. She couldn't not smile, as she relayed all the details to Sam at just how great Brittany was, boasting about all her achievements as if they were her own.</em>
</p><p>"Wow! That's awesome. I'm so happy she's doing so well for herself." Sam smiled, his face one of genuine happiness for his ex-girlfriend.</p><p>"I always knew she'd do great things" said Santana wistfully.</p><p>"Hey, you've done some great things too though I mean, being a Mom has gotta be the greatest job in the world"</p><p>Santana nodded in agreement, but she didn't foresee the pang of sadness that hit her as she thought about the fact Brittany had been robbed of that role. Had Brittany not miscarried, the baby (still affectionately dubbed Poppy), would have been four-and-a-half by now. Santana thought of the miscarriage often, and she'd had countless discussions with Brittany about it. Time had healed Brittany's pain, and she was able to open up about it a lot more now, but there were still occasions it hit her. Anniversaries were the worst; the due date, the date it had happened, but sometimes it would just hit out of nowhere too. Santana was always the first person that Brittany would reach for, when she needed to talk or simply just some comfort. The giant tree in the Pierce's garden, that Santana had suggested they planted to help Brittany manage her grief and find a sense of closure, was a constant but touching reminder of the loss. Santana couldn't help but picture a blonde haired blue-eyed little girl (she trusted Brittany's instinct that it would have been a girl), the absolute double of her mother, laced with all the traits that she loved in Brittany so much. It was something she visualised often, and sometimes the little girl she had conjured up even appeared in her dreams. The thought brought her happiness and sadness all at once, but she didn't have much time to dwell before Sam broke her out of her reverie.</p><p>"When I saw your little one, she was a new-born. She must be pretty big now huh?"</p><p>"Yeah she's not such a baby anymore" Santana laughed "well…she's my baby, and she always will be, but she's pretty big that's for sure. She's ten now, just started in her final year of Elementary School"</p><p>"Woah that's crazy…"</p><p>"That I'm a single mother to a ten-year-old girl? I know, I never pictured it for me either" Santana joked "Wouldn't change a thing though" she added, her eyes alight in a way they only sparkled when she was talking about her daughter, or Brittany.</p><p>"Do you…well, I guess I wanted to ask if you ever hear from Puck?" Sam asked tentatively, shooting Santana a knowing glance.</p><p>It took Santana a moment to register, before her brow creased into a frown. She never told anyone about Puck being Mila's dad, her family knew of course, Quinn even though she didn't know him, but that was that. Brittany of course knew, but Santana knew she wouldn't ever tell Sam that information.</p><p>"Wait how do you know about that?"</p><p>"I bumped into him in Miami, I wanna say like five/six years ago? I had a shoot there, and we winded up at the same party. I hadn't heard from him in years, but we caught up, he didn't have much to say. His life just seemed to be cruising by, girls, parties, no level of seriousness and same old Puck I guess…until he got drunk and told me everything. Said he had a kid with you that he'd never even met, and he felt guilty about it, because he'd done to his kid what his dad had done to him, what he'd always resented him for. He actually got quite emotional…I couldn't believe it. Maybe seeing someone from his High School past brought it all back up I don't know, but I told him straight up. I told him he was an idiot for missing out on his kids' life, in fact I called him worse than an idiot. I know Puck's not got a good track record, but I can't believe he abandoned you both like that. I guess I wanted to know if he ever took my advice?"</p><p>Santana swallowed thickly, as she began to recount her daughter's turbulent relationship with her father.</p><p>
  <em>She never knew the reason for Noah Puckerman's sudden reappearance back in her life in July 2015 when he showed up outside of her workplace, begging for a chance to see the six-year-old daughter he had never met. The trouble with living in a small town like Lima was that there was nowhere to hide. Everyone knew everything about everyone, and Puck would only need to ask someone he used to know to find out where Santana frequented. Maybe Sam's little pep talk had done it, the one she didn't know about at the time, or maybe Puck had just finally had an epiphany that he was missing out on the most special little girl. Regardless, his appearance was too little, too late, and saying Santana wasn't pleased to see him, would be an understatement.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I've changed and I've grown as a person and I've really been thinking about my life and how I want it to be better. I really want to meet her Santana; I am her dad."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana looked at the man in disbelief, still the same Puck that she knew, but broader and older looking. His infamous mohawk had been switched out for a combover, which Santana secretly thought made him look ridiculous. She really couldn't see a shred of her daughter in this man, standing in front of her. His words seemed genuine, but why now? Why the sudden appearance into Mila's life? For years she had asked about having a dad, and it seemed that now she was suddenly at peace with it. What if this caused a whole lot of confusion and upset for the little girl?</em>
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  <em>"Dad!?" Santana scoffed "What exactly do you think qualifies you for that title, considering you've never even shown an interest in our daughter? Where were you 'dad' when she woke up screaming with colic for the first few months, or cut her first tooth? Or took her first steps!?"</em>
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  <em>Santana could feel the rage pouring out of her, and this time, she couldn't blame it on Snixx. It was purely her own rage. Puck simply sighed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Look I get it okay? I bailed on you. I was a total jerk. But there hasn't been a single day in the last 6 years that I haven't wondered what she's like. Is she like me? Did she luck out on the gene front?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana shook her head in irony.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You are so full of shit!" she scowled, turning to walk away from him, but Puck stopped her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You have to give me a chance okay? I can be different. I am different. I promise. Do you want me to crawl on my hands and knees? Anything Santana, I'm begging you?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana was mortified, as Puck proceeded to get on his knees in the street, drawing attention to them. She knew what he was doing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Just get up idiot!" she said, pulling him up to stand and trying to evade the looks from passers-by. She took a deep breath and recollected her thoughts, before addressing Puck once more.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Look, if this was about me, I'd be driving you to the airport right now myself and shipping you back to Miami or whatever hole you've crawled out of"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You'd be right to" Puck added.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I need to think about this okay? You can't just come here and expect me to cave and let you into Mila's life at the drop of a hat. I won't do anything that's going to hurt her or cause her stress, because believe me Puckerman, protecting that little girl's heart is my life's work. So you need to give me some time".</em>
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  <em>Puck agreed, and Santana went home to call Brittany for advice, hoping she'd still be awake. She was now in France so the time difference was pretty significant. Luckily, Brittany was awake, and she listened and soothed and advised Santana the way she always did.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After a few more conversations with the people she trusted; Quinn, her family etc., she decided to give Puck a chance. One chance, but she swore if he messed it up his life wouldn't be worth living.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Puck did seem to have turned over a new leaf, he was settled, he actually had a girlfriend who he'd been with for over a year and he had secured a decent (and legal) job. So as hesitant as Santana was to potentially cause upheaval in Mila's life, she thought it was only fair to both Mila and Puck, to give him a chance.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>All she could do was be guided by her daughter, and if at any point she seemed uncomfortable, she'd tell Puck where to go. Of course, it was her that had to have all of the tough conversations and answer all of Mila's questions, while Puck just got to show up with ice cream and presents and play dad.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was summer break, and they started off doing things together as a three. Puck's girlfriend Stacey wasn't happy about the "family days out", but Santana didn't care. There was no way she was going to just leave her 6-year-old in Puck's care, she needed to build up that trust, and so did Mila. It wasn't like Santana actually wanted to spend time with Puck either, she was doing it all for Mila. On one occasion she'd let her mouth run away with her after overhearing Stacey complaining as she argued with Puck at the door, while Santana and Mila waited for him in the car, picking him up to go to Old Field Beach for the day.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Mama will be back in a second sweetheart" Santana smiled at Mila, making sure the windows were closed and doors were locked, before she headed out of the car and stormed up the path.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Now listen here ditzo. I don't want your man okay!? I've had him, and let me tell you, not worth the fuck, but also just to put your tiny little mind at rest, I'm actually a lesbian."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She laughed sharply as she watched Stacey and Puck's faces fall in shock. She'd only seen Puck a handful of times and all of those times had been focused on Mila. She hadn't had the want or need to tell Puck her life story, so it was his first time hearing it too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That's right. You heard correct. I'm a les-bi-an" she enunciated with a smirk "so can you please quit with your crap and let him off the leash, because I have a 6-year-old waiting in the car who wants to go to the beach"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Stacey never said a word after that, but Santana knew she didn't like her, which was fine by Santana because she didn't think much of Stacey either. As the summer went on and Mila and Puck got to know each other more, Santana felt her trust begin to build. They were beginning to form a sweet bond, and Puck, despite all his previous misgivings, seemed to genuinely dote on his daughter. So, when Puck asked if he could take Mila out with Stacey the week before she was due to go back to school and start 1st Grade, Santana finally cut the apron strings loose. Still it didn't stop her worrying the whole time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It's just a couple of hours at the park, chill out!" she had told herself. And sure enough, she didn't need to worry, because Puck delivered Mila home on time as promised, and it seemed like he really was a changed man. Once Santana knew she could trust them to spend time alone, they started doing it more often, Santana secretly thankful that she no longer had to spend "family time" with Puck.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Soon Puck was pushing for more, and he wanted to have Mila stay the night at his place. Santana was unsure. Mila was her most precious thing, and she only ever trusted leaving her with her parents, Quinn and Brittany. She'd let Mila go for sleepovers at her best friends Lily's house, but only because she had gotten to know Lily's mom fairly well. One Saturday in late October she walked into Mila's room to find her painting on her easel.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hi baby, what are you drawing?" she smiled, walking over to observe the painting that she knew she'd think amazing, no matter what; because it was done by Mila. Mila was actually pretty good at painting, but she could have painted one black splodge, and Santana still would have hung it up on the fridge and gushed about it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It's a new family portrait Mama, look" Mila smiled proudly, pointing to the paper "See this is our house, because one day we will live in a big house with a garden. This is us in my bedroom telling stories, and I put Abuela in the kitchen because that's where Abuela always is. Uncle Pabby is on the couch watching TV, and Abuelo is out in the garden mowing the lawn. Then that's Aunty Quinny, I put her in the bathroom so she can stare at the mirror because she likes doing that"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana let out a laugh.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What about Aunty Brit-Brit?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Silly Mami" Mila laughed "She's right here of course! Right next to us telling stories. Because when she comes home, she's always with us"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana smiled, both at Mila's words, and at the fact she had placed Brittany in the "immediate picture". All the other extended family members were in various rooms, but Brittany was with them, just like she was supposed to be in reality.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Of course, she is sweetie" said Santana, ruffling Mila's long dark hair "Oh…wait…who's this in the sky?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That's…that's daddy" Mila smiled bashfully, looking to Santana for approval. It was the first time she had ever referred to Puck as her dad. She knew he was her dad, but neither Santana or Puck wanted to put pressure on her or would have expected her to start calling him dad straight away. She had been affectionately calling him "Pucky" instead, until now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana reached out and took Mila into a hug, silently letting her know it was okay for her to call Puck dad, but without making too big of a deal of it. It was a big step, and she didn't want to freak her out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Good girl Meels, it's a great painting baby"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Thank you, Mama"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Deciding now could be a good time to bring up Puck's suggestion, Santana reached out and took her daughters hands.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Mila, do you think you would like to sleep over at your…daddy's...house some time?" she asked carefully. She rubbed soothing patterns over Mila's hands as the little girl looked down, nervously chewing her lip.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"…I'm not so sure about that"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana tilted Mila's head up, rushing to comfort her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hey, sweetheart! That's okay. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do okay? I promise. I just wanted you to know that if you ever want to, you can. It would be okay with me and it would be okay with your daddy. But we only want you to do what makes you happy little one".</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She held out her pinky, smiling as Mila hooked on, the same routine her and Brittany used to have as children. Nothing could ever break that kind of promise.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But Santana did have to break that promise.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The New Year rolled around, and Puck and Stacey really took hold of the saying new year, new start. They wanted a baby. But not just any baby. They wanted Mila. When Santana got the letter through saying Puck was applying for primary custody, she almost burst into flames. She couldn't believe the audacity of him turning up after years of being an absent father, bouncing back into their lives for 6 months, and now expecting primary custody. There was no way in hell, Santana was going to let that happen, and she pulled out her cell to make 3 phone calls.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The 1st, calm and collected, as it was a call to her lawyer, who confirmed that Puck had indeed filed for primary custody.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The 2nd a very angry call, as she screamed profanities at Puck and demanded to know over and over again how he could do this. It turned out Stacey and Puck had been trying for a baby for a while, then they found out she couldn't have children, so now they wanted Mila. Santana was in disbelief. She yelled at Puck, in a way she'd never yelled before, telling him that he'd planned this all along. Puck protested, said he genuinely did want to meet his daughter, and it wasn't all a ploy to steal her away, he just wanted a chance to catch up on what he'd missed on on, but Santana wasn't so sure. When Puck had said "Come on Santana, it's only fair. You've had 6 years with her to yourself" she had to hang up the phone. She couldn't listen to his crap anymore. 6 years of Mila to herself, all because Puck couldn't stand up and be a father.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The 3rd call an emotionally drained one, that came after she had screamed and shouted and raged as much as she could, was to Brittany. Her life support. As soon as Brittany head the sobs escape Santana's lips as she tried to explain what Puck was doing, Brittany was in the car and on the way round to Santana's.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana felt it ironic, that Brittany had only been back in Lima from her world tour a couple of weeks. Things were starting to feel good again, but now this had happened. She began to wonder if life was playing cruel tricks on her. Brittany was of course amazing, and she comforted Santana and told her that there was no way any judge was going to allow this to happen. She even offered to call Denver, but Santana told her not to. She wasn't going to put Brittany through that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>All Santana could do, was prepare for the impending legal battle, the Social Worker visits, the examination of her child and her parenting skills, the court case.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It started off with the Social Worker suggesting Mila stayed the night with Puck and Stacey, since she never had before. It was just a one-off occasion, but Mila was uneasy about it, meaning Santana was too. Still, she of course tried to mask her worries and make it seem exciting for Mila. Brittany had come around for moral support, and she watched Santana packing Mila's overnight bag with a sad smile.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"She'll be okay San" Brittany assured, crossing the room to give Santana a much-needed hug.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana sighed as she relaxed into Brittany's arms.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I know that she doesn't want to stay there, and I promised her she wouldn't have to. Brit she barely knows him."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I know. I know honey. But it's out of your hands. We just have to put a brave face on for her and let her know it's all going to be okay"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But that was easier said than done, because when Puck arrived and Mila got teary, Santana felt herself getting emotional as well. Luckily, Brittany was there to take charge of the situation.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hi Mila" Puck smiled, as he waited by the door.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hi Daddy" said Mila shyly, clinging onto Brittany's leg.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Are you all excited for our first sleepover?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mila shrugged, her grip on Brittany's leg tightening.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Where am I going to sleep?" she asked, uncertainly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It's going to be okay Moo, I bet you're going to have so much fun. And tomorrow, your daddy will drop you right back off again, and me, you and Mama can have a fun day out together" she soothed, bending down to the little girls' level as Santana tried to keep her composure.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I have a bed all made up for you in the spare room" said Puck. He noticed how unimpressed Mila looked, and tried a little harder. "Hey- I hear that you like ballet. I even managed to get you a bed set with ballerinas on"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I love ballet" Mila smiled.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And guess what else? I can finally try and teach you some of my guitar. You can be just like Taylor Swift" said Puck, taking his enthusiasm up a notch now that he had Mila smiling.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mila giggled, and the sound was music to Santana's ears. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Ready to come with Daddy now Mila?" Puck asked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Okay" Mila nodded, still a little uncertain, but feeling better than she did before.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She kissed Santana and Brittany goodbye, and as they watched her drive off in Puck's car, the little girl waving through the window; Brittany placed a supportive hand on the small of Santana's back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"He won't win this you know. The court will see just how much happier Mila is here with you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Promise?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Promise." Brittany swallowed, just praying she was right. "Now how about I pour you a glass of wine? You look like you need it."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But much like Santana had made a broken promise to Mila that she wouldn't have to stay with her father against her will, Brittany's promise to Santana about the courts taking Santana's side, was also broken.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When Santana got the news that Puck had been awarded Joint Custody, she felt like she had been punched in the gut. It was on a trial basis, for six months to start off with, but none of that mattered to Santana from the minute she was told Mila wouldn't be with her for three and half days a week.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That night, Santana raged and ranted and shouted, she cursed Puck with every word that she knew, and then her anger melted away to leave her with just one emotion. Sadness. And she cried and cried and cried.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It's not fair. It's always been just the two of us. Me and Mila against the world. And you know what this isn't about me. It's about Mila. If I thought that she was happy with this, I'd learn to be okay with it, but she's not. She gets upset every time she has to stay the night at Puck's. Now she has to live there for half the week!?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Did they give you a reason for the decision?" Quinn asked softly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Some crap about Mila benefitting from having a male role model in her life. I mean they must have overlooked the fact she's had 6 years without a dad and been completely fine. She's always had my dad and Pablo. And what kind of sexist world is it that we're living in that she needs a male role model? She was doing just fine!" Santana ranted, her anger beginning to build again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I know six months seems like a long time, but we're going to get you through it, San, I promise you that. We need to be strong for Mila. Nothing is set in stone yet honey" Brittany soothed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana nodded; she could only hope that the trial period would let them see that this wasn't the right option for the little girl and count down the days until the hearing to assess the trial period. Why did it always feel like she was living life counting down the days for something to be over?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The knowledge that it was only a trial period did little to no good in making things any easier for Santana. They were a month into the new arrangement, and as every Sunday rolled around she'd be filled with dread, it was the day where Puck would take Mila with him until Santana could pick her up from school on a Wednesday afternoon (grateful her work had agreed to let her finish a couple hours early on a Wednesday so she could spend that precious extra time with her daughter). Mila would get extremely teary on a Sunday, and Santana just didn't know how much more she could take, watching her daughter sobbing and distressed as she was bundled into the car by Puck. It had just about broken her heart when one night Mila had cautiously asked her if the reason she had to go live with Puck was because Santana didn't want her anymore. The fact that Santana had once considered giving Mila up for adoption hit her like a truck, when she heard those words tumble out of her daughter's mouth. It had always been her worst nightmare for Mila to think she wasn't wanted</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mila was becoming withdrawn and distracted at school, and Santana's behaviour suffered too, as she became increasingly snappy and distant from those around her. The one person who could always ground her again, was Brittany, and she made a point to always be there on a Sunday for the dreaded handover.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That fourth Sunday was the breaking point. Another day of watching Mila cry and scream and plead as Puck robotically carried her away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Please Mama, don't make me go. I'll be good, I promise. I'll do better! Mami, please!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As Santana bit her lip to stop the tears, Brittany squeezed her hand tightly. On spotting Brittany, Mila tried a different approach.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Aunty Brit-Brit please. Please let me stay here. I want to stay with you"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>All Brittany could do was close her eyes, the pain of seeing Mila so distraught too much to bear. She couldn't for the life of her understand why Puck would put his daughter through this.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As they watched Mila be driven away once more, Santana broke down.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I can't take this anymore Brit. I just can't."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before Brittany could do anything to stop her, Santana was in the kitchen, hysterically knocking everything she came into contact with off the counter. Plates, glasses and cups smashing against the cold hard floor, barely masking the sounds of Santana's loud, heavy sobs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany calmly moved towards Santana and pulled her hands down by her side in one swift movement, as the Latina struggled against her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Babe stop, please! You're going to hurt yourself" she pleaded.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After some efforts, Santana stopped fighting against Brittany, and she let Brittany pull her in tight, Santana's sobs wreaking both of their bodies as they sank down to the floor.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany had never felt so helpless. Santana had never felt so distraught. But luckily, that Sunday where she had hit breaking point was the start of things getting better.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The following Friday, as Santana prepared to have a nice weekend with Mila before the dreaded Sunday rolled around again, she received a phone call from the judge. They had heard reports from Mila's school, along with the Social Worker who had be recently spoke to Mila about the new arrangement, and they were aware of the impact it was having on the little girl. It was deemed as being too detrimental on Mila's wellbeing, so they were putting a stop to the trial period. Santana was granted sole physical custody with immediate effect, with Puck entitled to frequent visitation, that had to at least be granted every two weeks. The feeling of relief that flooded Santana when she heard those broke her into tears again. She had never cried before as much as she had in the past 4 months. She was just so happy it was all over, for her sake, but most importantly for Mila's.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was an emotional and heavily strenuous few months, that she couldn't have got through without the loved ones around her. What it did mean though, is that she hadn't had chance to tell Brittany how she really felt. Pretty much the whole time Brittany had been back, Santana had been so distracted by the court proceedings. All of her attention was on Mila, and she didn't have space in her heart for anything else. By the time things had begun to settle again, with Mila happy and returning to her old self, Brittany was heading out of Lima again to pastures new. Once again, they were being pulled apart, and Santana was beginning to wonder if there'd ever be a right time. If they'd ever be on the same wavelength.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>3 and a half years on from what Santana still described as the most distressing time in her life, Puck was still in the picture, but he generally stuck to seeing Mila every two weeks. He could have pushed for more, but he didn't. At first, Santana had been worried he'd try again for custody, but he never did. She guessed that as much as he was a selfish idiot for putting Mila through that in the first place, even he wouldn't be cruel enough to put Mila through that again. He wasn't the most reliable of fathers. Sometimes he'd skip out on weekends he was supposed to have Mila, or he'd show up late and have her waiting on the stairs for ages with her coat and shoes on ready to go. They didn't have the closest of relationships, and it was clear to Santana that she looked at him as more of a family friend than a father, but he was still in Mila's life, so it was better than the first 6 years without him. There was a layer of hostility there on Santana's part, because she still couldn't believe Puck had even tried what he'd done, but she hid it well for Mila's sake. Puck was Puck. He was Mila's dad, and Santana knew he did love her in his own roundabout way.</em>
</p><p>Sam nodded as he listened carefully to Santana's summarised account of what had gone down with Puck and the role, he played in Mila's life now.</p><p>"Wow. I mean…I always knew he was a douche but…not to that extent. I'm sorry you had to go through that" he said softly, and Santana smiled. She wasn't even sure why she was opening up so much to someone she hadn't seen since High School. Someone who she admittedly couldn't stand before, but Sam seemed genuine, and she was enjoying chatting to him.</p><p>"You got a photo of what she looks like now?" Sam asked.</p><p>Santana nodded proudly and she took out her phone to show Sam her background of the 10-year-old proudly holding her dance trophies in a recent photo.</p><p>"Well she's definitely a mini Lopez, that's for sure" Sam laughed, after observing the photo, before his expression suddenly changed.</p><p>"Sorry I…I keep saying Lopez just assuming…" he stuttered nervously, before looking down at Santana's hands to catch a clue.</p><p>"It's okay, I'm still a Lopez" Santana laughed "No-ones been lucky enough to put a ring on me yet" she joked.</p><p>"You have anyone lined up for the role?"</p><p>"Well, I have a girlfriend but…I'm not looking to get married anytime soon" Santana shrugged.</p><p>She knew the last time she had seen Sam; he would have definitely assumed she was straight. It never failed to amuse her how the coming out process just never stopped. You think everybody knows, but there's always someone you haven't seen for years who you have to tell. Some people would be shocked, some would pretend to be but really, they already heard the news on the grapevine. Lima was small, and people gossiped, so it wasn't uncommon for word to get around. She had no idea if Sam had heard anything over the years, nor did she really care. If Sam was shocked, he didn't show it.</p><p>"Ah sweet. How long have you guys been together?"</p><p>
  <em>It was the night that Brittany left for Germany that Santana had first hooked up with Dani, in a desperate void to fill the ache in her heart. She was sure Dani knew she was using her, but she didn't really care. She needed something to take her mind off things. She made sure Dani knew the boundaries. This wasn't them getting back together, and there'd certainly be no discussion of the proposal, this was simply just no-strings-attached fun. From there, they built a casual arrangement where they started sleeping together again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Of course, it was naïve for Santana to think that Dani didn't have deeper intentions, and that she wasn't hoping their casual arrangement would turn into something more again, and eventually they did start going on dates again. Dani started staying over more again and doing things with Mila. They didn't put a statement on their relationship, so not to confuse Mila when they didn't know what was fully going on, but they were certainly acting more like a couple again. It had happened unconsciously, and Santana knew Dani thought they were back together, she just didn't want to be the one to ruin things by verbalising it. The idea of not verbalising it suited Santana as well, because she knew in her heart of hearts, that as much as she enjoyed Dani's company and thought she was a nice girl, that she was just rebounding with her to fill the void of Brittany.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"So…what exactly are you guys? Are you dating again?" Brittany had asked trying to sound as casual as possible when Santana had visited London.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana chewed her lip as she thought about her answer. She couldn't say "Well actually Brit, I'm kind of just using her to distract myself from you because I'm in love with you, and I'm just waiting for you to get back home so I can tell you that". So instead she settled for;</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well I don't know Brit, I guess we are seeing each other again. And neither of us are seeing other people but…I don't wanna put a label on it you know? Not after the proposal thing. We're just taking things slow. Having fun, you know?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany cringed slightly at the last part, the mere thought of Santana having sex with Dani was something she never wanted in her mind.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How about you? Have you…you know, explored that other part of you yet?" Santana asked, equally trying to sound casual as she prayed the answer would be no.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You mean had sex with a woman?" Brittany asked, cutting to the chase.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana blushed and nodded. The thought of Brittany with a woman was hot but, she also didn't want to think about Brittany with a woman that wasn't herself. Heck, she didn't want to think about Brittany with anyone. Boy or girl.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Nope. No women yet San" Brittany said simply, and Santana could barely hide the small smile that crept up on her face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So, the months carried on with Dani and Santana in their silent understanding of whatever the hell they were. She was pleased that Dani was taking things as they were, not piling the pressure on. She guessed the rejected proposal had made her think twice about doing that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was the custody battle where Dani really stepped up for Santana and showed how much she really cared about her. Santana actually began to feel bad that she had been somewhat stringing Dani along, when she had feelings for someone else that she planned on acting on as soon as this was all over. Dani was a great girl, and Santana did really like her, and she knew in an alternate universe where there was no Brittany, they'd probably actually work.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Regardless of her feelings for Dani, or lack thereof, she was incredibly appreciative of Dani's support during the time, and she hoped they would stay friends regardless of what happened between them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Of course, Brittany had left again soon after the custody battle came to a close, so Santana had never told her the feelings. That came around at a time when Dani had finally plucked up the courage to ask what their relationship was.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What are we Santana? Because you know I love you, and seeing you struggle these past few months has made me realise that even more. And in being there for you, I've felt so close to you and…I'd really like to be your girlfriend again"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And with Brittany gone and out of the picture once more, Santana found herself agreeing to officially date Dani again. They pretty much were anyway, just without the label. She needed to try find happiness elsewhere. She couldn't just keep hanging on to this invisible thread of Brittany, while Brittany went off and lived a separate life. If they were going to end up together, they'd end up together, but right now Dani was here and she loved her and she was promising to make her happy, so she took that chance and she ran with it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As soon as Dani got the green light that they were official, things began to pick up. She started staying around all the time, and soon she began to hint at them moving in together. Santana was hesitant. She'd never lived with anyone before, and she also had a child to consider, so she wasn't going to give into that straight away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Needless to say, Dani stayed around so often that it was pretty much like she had moved in. And then when Dani's father passed away in February 2017, leaving behind inheritance that would allow her to buy a house, she raised the idea of Santana and Mila coming with her. They could buy a house together, a new start, a garden for Mila; Dani had said. And once again Santana found herself agreeing. They had been on and off for almost 3 years now, and most of that time they were on.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They'd been living in their 3-bed house in Sherwood, not too far from Lima Heights Adjacent where Santana's parents still lived, for two and a half years now. Santana did love Dani. In their years together they'd managed to build a life and a home together, and bring each other happiness, but she knew deep down it was more a relationship of convenience than one built from love. She was a companion, someone who stopped her getting lonely, someone who she could home to on a night. She loved Dani in a way that she cared about her, but she wasn't in love with her the way she was with Brittany. No matter what, she couldn't shake Brittany, but their lives didn't look to be crossing paths anytime soon.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She never admitted it to anyone, but in recent months, the cracks in her relationship with Dani were really starting to show. It was a combination of Dani's grief over her father's death paired with Santana's secret love for Brittany that was always underlying, buzzing away underneath the surface, preventing them from ever being truly happy. Dani had started drinking more when her dad died, and recently she had been going out more than ever. But still she never thought about leaving Dani. What else did she have? This was just her life now. They had happy times, but it wasn't an everyday feeling. Most of the time they were just comfortable with each other, neither of them wanting the conversation of how the dynamic was starting to change. It never occurred to Santana, that she was simply settling in a way she had begged Brittany not to, all those years ago with Denver.</em>
</p><p>"We're really happy together" Santana finished, pleased that Sam would never see through her lies. She told him all about the house and the happy times, but she'd failed to mention the bad parts of course. That was private. No one needed to know about that, least of all Sam.</p><p>"Anyway…I've talked so much about me. How about you? What are you doing with your life now?"</p><p>"Well I'm actually a model" Sam laughed "That's why I'm back here. I don't really have a base as such because I'm always travelling around, and they put me up in all the best hotels. It's a good life, not great for the ladies though. It's hard to settle down when you're constantly on the move. I'm only here for the night then I fly out to New York. I stay there for a couple of months so…maybe I'll have some luck there"</p><p>"Wait you go to New York tomorrow? You should look up Brittany!"</p><p>Sam mused thoughtfully.</p><p>"You know I haven't seen Brittany in years, it would be so good to see her, hear all about this exciting life she's leading. You got a number for her that I could have?"</p><p>"Sure!" Santana said, grabbing her cell to retrieve the number. She was sure Brittany would be happy to see an old face and wouldn't mind him reaching out.</p><p>"Lopez, can you stop flirting with my guests please? It's not great for business and plus, you're supposed to be a lesbian"</p><p>Santana turned to see Quinn approach; her signature playful smirk cast on her face.</p><p>"Very funny Fabray" Santana rolled her eyes with a smirk that matched Quinn's, before turning to Sam "This is my friend Quinn, she's the manager here. Her parents own this chain."</p><p>"Nice to meet you Quinn, I'm Sam" he smiled, sticking out his hand, which Quinn shook appreciatively.</p><p>"You're a friend of Santana's?" she asked.</p><p>"Uh yeah…we went to High School together" he smiled.</p><p>"Are you checking in just now?" she asked, observing Sam's luggage.</p><p>"Sure am, it's a nice place you have here. In fact, I've stayed at a few of your hotels in different places, always a great stay"</p><p>"Ooooh, thank you" Quinn smiled, placing a light tap on Sam's arm. Not the most professional move she'd ever made, but Santana expected nothing less from her flirty friend. "Why don't you come with me and I'll make sure Dana upgrades your room" she said, gesturing over to the check in desk. Sam trotted after her looking like a happy puppy, he was always easily pleased, and he always loved a blonde, that hadn't changed.</p><p>When Sam was all checked in and ready to go to his upgraded room, he said his goodbyes to the two of them, with promises from both Santana and Sam to "keep in touch". She knew they probably wouldn't but, it was nice to see him all the same.</p><p>As she headed out of the hotel with Quinn, the blonde turned to her.</p><p>"Ooooh he was cute!" she smirked.</p><p>"Quinn, just no okay. Just…no" Santana laughed.</p><p>Again, it was typical Quinn behaviour. Santana couldn't imagine a time where Quinn wouldn't have a string of male suitors by her side, and for that reason alone she couldn't ever imagine her settling down and fully committing to someone, but she loved Quinn for it. She was attractive and she knew it.</p><p>"You can tell me all about him over dinner" said Quinn, and Santana rolled her eyes jokingly, the two of them heading into the Italian restaurant at the end of the street, ready for a night of good food and even better wine.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>So a bit of a time jump for you getting us closer forward to that all important date. I think I managed to address most of the things that you need to know happened over the 5 years, except from Brittany's reason for leaving again, which will be covered in the next chapter. If I have missed anything or there is any burning questions I haven't answered re: the time jump, let me know and I can include them in the next chapter. A bit of a Brittana-less one I know, but this chapter was purely put in to cover the key moments that have been missed.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>It's close though guys, I swear :)</strong>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Chapter 36</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Brittany headed down the street, AirPods in, happily minding her own business and listening to music as she made her way through the Soho streets to her favourite coffee shop, La Colombe. She was so inside her head, that she didn't notice the child running full pelt towards her, until she felt him smack into her.</p><p>She looked down startled, removing her AirPods to check the little boy was okay.</p><p>"Oh my God, I am so sorry! Buddy what have I told you about running off like that?"</p><p>Brittany froze as she took in the man standing in front of her, who was bending down to reprimand his son. As he stood up and turned to Brittany to apologise further, he froze also.</p><p>"…Brittany?"</p><p>Brittany swallowed and regained her composure.</p><p>"Denver, Hi…how are you?" she managed.</p><p>"I'm…I'm good. I'm great actually I…sorry you just caught me a little off guard. How are you doing? Are you living back here now?"</p><p>"I am" Brittany nodded "I moved back 2 years ago now."</p><p>"Well…you're looking really well." Denver offered.</p><p>Brittany shifted awkwardly, before turning her attention to the dark-haired little boy in front of her, who bared a striking resemblance to Denver, and looked to be around 6 years of age.</p><p>"Sorry, I haven't even introduced you. This is Jacob…my son" Denver smiled, on noticing Brittany looking at the little boy.</p><p>Brittany smiled knowingly, she thought it had to be Denver's son, the one who she learned about 6 years ago. The secret that ended their relationship.</p><p>"Hi Jacob, it's nice to meet you. I'm Brittany" she said sweetly, extending her arm to shake Jacob's hand, before looking back up at Denver with a smile and a glint in her eye as she silently communicated to him that she was happy he now had his son in his life.</p><p>Despite the hurt Denver had caused her, she never agreed with the fact he'd been cut out of his son's life. Had their own baby survived, Brittany wouldn't have dreamed of doing that to him, in the way Megan did. Now all of the hurt Denver had caused her was 6 years down the line, she felt even more removed from the situation, and at this point she genuinely wished him well and hoped life was treating him kindly.</p><p>"Well, we better get going bud. Your mom wants you back by noon" said Denver, before looking back to Brittany again "It was good to see you Brittany. Listen, it would be great to catch up one time. Here's my card if you ever want to" he said, reaching into his wallet for his business card.</p><p>Brittany took the card and placed it in her purse, unsure she would ever use it, but remained polite.</p><p>"Thanks Denver, it was good to see you too" she smiled "And Jacob it was great meeting you"</p><p>And with that they said their goodbyes and parted ways, leaving Brittany slightly dumbfounded as she stood in the busy street. Two exes in one day? Weird.</p><hr/><p>As she walked into La Colombe, she glanced around the busy coffee shop before spotting the familiar face in the corner.</p><p><em>"Wow, he really hasn't changed a bit" </em>she thought, as she approached him.</p><p>"Sam, Hi! I'm so sorry I'm late, I ran into someone I haven't seen in years. How are you?"</p><p>"Hey!" said Sam, standing up to greet Brittany "Don't worry about it, I've only been here a few minutes myself. I got you a drink though. You still like Caramel Macchiato's I hope?"</p><p>"You know me too well" Brittany smiled, removing her coat and scarf and taking a seat at the table.</p><p>"All those dates in the Lima Bean, how could I forget" Sam laughed "So how have you been? Santana filled me in with what you've been up to over the years. Sounds like you've done some pretty great things huh?"</p><p>As Brittany began to talk about her future, she cast her mind back over the past few years.</p><p>
  <em>The Aladdin World Tour was great for her. She got to see so many different places, she made some great new friends, she loved her job and she generally just had a fun time. The tour bubble was everything she thought it would be, from the belly laughs and inside jokes to the wild, spontaneous hook-ups. It was almost like being back in college again, just with more responsibility. But, despite all of that, she never forgot about Santana. It seemed like it was going to be impossible to get over her, because if she was ever going to be able to move on, it was going to be now. But seeing the world almost made Brittany sure more than ever, that she belonged with Santana. The Eiffel Tower, the Sydney Harbour Bridge, the rounds of applause night after night, the awards nominations and wins for her Choreography skills and the constant bouts of praise, the nights spent with her new friends where she would cry tears of laughter. All of that was great, but it didn't compare to the feeling she got being around Santana. How good she felt, like her body literally woke up whenever she was with her. It was a feeling that sent her into the dance studio one night and had her choreographing a whole routine, pouring every emotion in about how she felt being around Santana, sparks flying off her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was becoming too much, and she was beginning to think that after the tour was over, she was going to have to tell Santana. She'd always been reluctant, in fear that it would damage their one-of-a-kind friendship, and because she had no inclination that Santana would feel the same way, but it was starting to eat away at her. Considering Santana was single, it was the only time she felt she could without stepping on someone's toes. But then suddenly…Dani was back in the picture.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana had told Brittany that her and Dani weren't "an official thing" when she'd visited her in London, but Brittany could see where it was headed. They were taking things slow, but they weren't seeing other people, so surely it was inevitable they'd get back together again. She decided she'd just have to see how things turned out when she got back to Lima. She was excited to get back, because she missed her family and feeling aside, she missed being around Santana every day- Mila too. She felt a little lost when she returned, unsure what she was going to do. Dani and Santana still "weren't official" according to Santana, but anyone with eyes could see that they were. Brittany didn't really know how she could interfere with that, so she stood at the side lines once again, wondering if she should just tell Santana and expect the worst but hope for the best. Not for the purpose of getting Santana to break things off with Dani and run into her arms (although Brittany would have obviously loved that), but just to get rid of the burning ache she felt inside for keeping this secret so long.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There wasn't much time to ponder over it, because her return on the 20th December meant she was thrown straight into Christmas, and once that holiday was out of the way, Santana was thrown into something that made Brittany put her own needs aside, to be there for the most important person in her life. Her feelings didn't even come into consideration when she had to watch Santana fight for custody of her child, it was all about Santana now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The 4-month battle was incredibly tough, and Brittany had many feelings about it all that she pushed down in order to provide strength to Santana. Seeing Santana break down in a way she'd never witnessed before was almost too much to bear. For the first time in their friendship, Brittany felt completely helpless, and it was a taste of what she knew Santana must have felt like during her own miscarriage. All she could do was support her, listen to her and soothe her the best she could, praying that the courts would realise this wasn't in Mila's best interest. Seeing the little girl that she loved so much struggling with the new routine forced up on her was a difficult pill to swallow as well. She just wanted to wrap Santana and Mila up in a little bubble and shield them from any pain. She wanted to do much less nicer things to Puck, but for the most part she kept her rage aside and channelled all her energy in being there for her girls.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>On one occasion, she couldn't bite her tongue though. It was the morning after Santana's break down, where she had smashed up the kitchen. She had stayed over that night, and as she watched Santana sleep the next morning, she couldn't help but drop a light kiss on her forehead to ease her furrowed brow.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It's going to be okay angel" she whispered, before creeping out of the bed quietly, so not to wake her. She figured Santana could really use her sleep after a tough night.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She quickly threw on some clothes and headed out, with the need to be back before Santana woke up. When she pulled up outside Mila's school, she saw Puck's car straight away, watching as he escorted his daughter inside. Her heart broke when she noticed how sad Mila looked as she dragged her heels behind her father, who was too busy on his phone to be paying proper attention to her. She was careful not to let Mila see her, knowing it would only upset her. Her intentions that day were simply to talk to Puck. With Mila safely inside, and Puck heading back towards his car, Brittany approached him with a steely determination which only came over her when it involved someone she loved.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Why are you doing this Puckerman?" she demanded, catching the man off guard.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Look Brittany, I've got things to do okay? Mila is fine. She was a little upset when she arrived but as soon as she got settled, she was okay. She always is"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No. No, she is not fine!" Brittany started "Maybe she seems fine to you because you've only known her a few short months, but I know that little girl inside and out and I know that's she's so far from okay. You've turned her whole world upside down and took her away from the only parent she's ever known and expected her to start playing happy families with you, a man she barely even knows. Santana is distraught. She's barely eating, barely sleeping, barely keeping it together at all actually. And look, I know you have no loyalties to Santana, but what about your daughter? Surely you want to do what's best for her. What makes her happy?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"She's a kid. Kid's are adaptable. Right now, she might need a little time adjusting but eventually she's going to be better off. I am her dad"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Look you can't just come into her life and play dad like this. That's not how it works." Brittany warned, the resolve in her voice shocking her "When you made the decision not to be a part of the first 6 years of Mila's life like you did, you waived your rights to that title by default. You actually have to earn it now."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Not in the eyes of the law I don't. I have rights" said Puck cockily, before changing his tone "Look Brittany, I like you and I like Santana. I don't want to fight with you, but I'm going to fight for what I believe in and that's me being an active part in Mila's life now. I know I fucked up, but I was basically just a kid back then. I was 18 years old and had no idea what to do"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well Santana was a kid too! She was 18 and she was alone and scared, but she more than stepped up. She's the best mom ever to that little girl, and now you want to take part of that away from her!?" Brittany said, her voice raised, face reddening. She decided to soften slightly, thinking this approach might work better. "I know you want to be in Mila's life now. I know you've changed, and I know you have rights. I get it, I understand. But all I'm asking you to do is step back a bit here and think of the little girl in the middle of all this. Mila has a lot of love to give, and I know she could love you and accept you as part of her life, but what you're doing right now is hurting her. The original agreement was working before so I'm asking you to please reconsider what you're doing here, if not for anything else, then for your daughters' sake"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Puck stood for a second, contemplating Brittany's words before letting out a sigh.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Sorry but I want my time with her. Santana had her for 6 years and I was a jerk for not being there, I admit it. But the bottom line is that I'm here now and I want to make up for that. When this trial period is over, I'll be pursuing primary custody still. If I win, I won't keep Santana out of Mila's life, of course not- I'm not a monster. But I have to have a shot at raising her too"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As she watched Puck get in his car, Brittany felt the frustrated tears burn at her eyes. She needed to calm herself down before driving back to Santana's. She headed to the bakery down the street and picked up two coffee's, a Caramel Macchiato for herself and a Honeycomb Latte with extra sugar for Santana. She strayed away from Santana's usual order of a black Americano, because she wanted to get some sugar into her. She also picked up some deliciously sweet pastries for them to eat for breakfast.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>By the time she had done the coffee run, she had regained her composure and was ready to drive back and be the positive and supportive friend that Santana needed her to be. The conversation that she'd had with Puck remaining a secret that Santana didn't need to know about. When she got in a little after 10am, she was relieved to find Santana still sleeping. She stirred slightly and began reaching around in the bed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Brit?" she said, her voice small and filled with panic, because she couldn't face waking up alone after the events of the night before.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm right here honey" Brittany assured her quickly, edging towards the bed "I popped out to get us some breakfast, but I'm here now, and you know that I'll be here as long as you need"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was a tough week, especially with Brittany in the knowledge that Puck had no intention of letting this go, but on Friday came the light at the end of the tunnel that they all so sorely needed. Mila was returning to Santana's sole care, for good.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>On the night they got the call, whilst Santana tucked Mila up in bed, happy in the knowledge that things were going to go back to normal for her, Brittany sat downstairs in her thoughts, deciding to give them some time alone together. At the climax of an extremely difficult 4 months, Brittany finally felt the force of everything hitting her, as all the feelings she had surpressed in order to be there for Santana, raised up to the surface. She wandered over to the kitchen and searched through Santana's cupboards for the bottle of Tequila she knew she kept there for special occasions, pouring a small measure and gulping it down fast, the liquid burning at her throat. She went over to the table, taking the bottle with her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Brit?" Santana's voice came, as she emerged down the stairs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Over here San" Brittany called from the kitchen, which was around the corner and out of view from Santana's position at the foot of the stairs. Santana walked through the open plan room to find Brittany, eyeing up the Tequila bottle as she took a seat at the table.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Mila okay?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana nodded with a soft smile.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah she was out like a light. I think she'll sleep well tonight. Better than she has in ages. Me too for that matter".</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany nodded, before reaching for the Tequila again pouring another measure and slugging it down.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Babe?" Santana frown, her face etched with concern.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I just…I just need a minute. Then we'll talk, I promise"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana nodded her understanding and squeezed Brittany's hand tightly, offering her support. She watched as Brittany took one more shot, before she screwed the lid back on and drew out a long breath, signalling she was ready to talk.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Just take your time babe" Santana encouraged, giving Brittany's hand another squeeze, before settling for stroking soothing patterns with her thumb.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It's just…it's all just hit me tonight I suppose. I've been holding it in for so long trying to keep strong for you and Mila. Now that I know everything is going to be okay, I can finally let that out"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I understand that." Santana said softly "It's exactly how I felt when you lost the baby. I was trying so hard to keep it together for you, but one day it all got on top of me and I broke down at my mom's house"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I never knew that" said Brittany, squeezing Santana's hand to offer her own support, before reaching for the tequila bottle once more.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Talk to me Brit. Tell me what's going on in there" Santana urged gently. It was clear that Brittany had a lot on her mind. Brittany sighed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I don't want to come across selfish" she said, her voice cracking with emotion and Santana immediately rushed out of her seat to envelope her in a tight hug.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Brittany you could never be selfish. You've been my rock throughout all this, you don't even realise how much you being there has helped me. I couldn't have gotten through this time without you. Please just talk to me, you're worrying me now"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It's about Little Poppy" Brittany sniffed "I guess…I guess seeing you so frightened about losing your baby like that, has brought up all those feelings of when I lost my baby. I'm sorry San, I sound so selfish right now making this about me"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hey what did I just say?" Santana cut in, placing a soft kiss on Brittany's tear-stained cheek "You could never be selfish. Never Brittany, not you, not ever. Your feelings are completely valid, and I don't want you to apologise for them. What you went through was horrendous, and I can only imagine how it must have felt. It's a grief that's never going to go away, and it's completely understandable that moments like this would bring it all back".</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It just creeps up sometimes you know?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I know. And that's okay. And I want you to know that I'll always be here for you in those moments. I never want you not to talk to me about it babe" said Santana, as she comforted Brittany by combing through her hair.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I just wonder what they'd be like right now. You know how certain I am that it was a girl, and I'm so sorry sweet baby if I'm misgendering you, but I wonder about the little things too. What colour eyes would they have? Would they be tall like me? What kind of things would they love as much as Mila loves to paint and dance and sing along to Taylor Swift? Things like that that I'm never going to know the answer to"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I wonder those things too Brit. All I know is that with a Mommy like you, they'd be the most beautiful person inside and out. So happy and so loved" said Santana, before her tone turned careful as she approached the burning question on her mind "Brit I…I hope being around Mila so much isn't too hard for you. Because I would hate for you to…"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Santana no!" Brittany cut Santana off immediately "No, no, no I could never think that. I love Mila with everything and being around her and watching her grow and reach new milestones in a way I couldn't with my own baby, is just so special to me. It helps me more than you know. I know Mila isn't my daughter but, being such a big part in her life and knowing that a lot of the things I say or do influences her, almost feels like a second chance, if that even makes sense?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Of course it makes sense. And Mila loves you so much, you know that. It's almost like you're a second Mommy to her Brit" Santana laughed, and she meant it. "You're the only person apart from my mother that I 100 percent trust with her, because I know you love her as if she's your own. You've always been there for her more than her dad ever was. Come here…I want to show you something"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana led Brittany upstairs to retrieve the family portrait painting that Mila had done a few months back. Most of Mila's paintings were framed or hung up on the fridge for all to see, but this one Santana had kept hidden away in a box. It felt too special to be shown to everyone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany observed the painting, teary eyed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"See this is how much Mila values you. She places you right here at the centre of her world" said Santana, gesturing to her own heart and placing Brittany's own hand over it. "We'll always be your family Brit"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It meant so much to Brittany to hear those words. She wished so much they could be a real family, that she could be a proper mom to Mila, and a doting girlfriend to Santana. It was something that almost seemed possible given how tight-knit they all were. Santana had made it clear Brittany had been her rock at this time, if only it wasn't for the Dani-shaped boulder in the way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As much as she had been there for Santana through the custody battle, it didn't go unnoticed to Brittany how much Dani had stepped up her support also. She genuinely dropped everything to be there for Santana, and it was evident that she was really trying. The tension between Brittany and Dani was there underneath the surface, but you'd never be able to tell. Dani wouldn't dream of saying anything to Brittany again, and being anything but nice to her, not while she was trying to win Santana back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany could see the pining in Dani's eyes, and the appreciation in Santana's every time Dani did something for her to show she cared like sending flowers on the day of the first court hearing or the time she printed a photo of Santana and Mila that she'd secretly taken, one Santana didn't even know about. She framed it and brought it around and simply said;</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I thought it could go on your bedside table, so you can always look at your baby even when she's not with you"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany's heart sunk when Dani did that. She couldn't deny how cute the idea was, but why didn't she think of that?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>All signs were pointing towards them "officially getting back together", and they were pretty much acting like it any way, and Brittany knew the minute the custody battle was over she'd just be a spare part getting in the way again. She couldn't be around to watch them build their future together again, so she'd got out of Lima before they could. Back to the tour bubble once more, but this time not as far away from the ones she loved.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And when all that came to an end, she found herself feeling lost. She didn't really know where home was for her anymore. She felt quite far removed from Lima by this point. Yes she would always return because her family was there, and by family she was including Santana and Mila in that too, but she didn't really have many friends there anymore. There was Ashley from school who she and Santana still kept in touch with from time to time, and Quinn she was pretty friendly with now by extension of Santana, but that was it. The bulk of her new friends were situated around the country, but a fair few of them hailed from New York and were heading back to Broadway. Her new best friend Kurt, being one of them. Now he was trying to get her to come too, and although she never in a million years thought she'd return there, it was becoming a viable option considering the alternative seemed to be sticking around Lima and playing second fiddle to Dani now that her and Santana were seemingly so happy together. They had just bought a house together, and Brittany was sure an engagement had to be on the cards soon, and of course she was happy for her best friend but…she couldn't be around to see it. She could have moved anywhere, the world was effectively her oyster and she'd seen and fallen in love with many places on her travels, but the thought of starting completely from scratch was a little daunting. She knew New York, she had friends there, she was years removed from the pain that caused her to leave in the first place. After some further discussion with Kurt (more like persuasion) it was settled. She was going back to New York, and that's where she had been ever since. Thoughts of Santana were still deeply seated in her mind, but at this point she had just come to accept it as something she was always going to have to live with. She'd just have to continue to love Santana, in a different way than the way she wanted to.</em>
</p><p>"But life in New York is great. I love it" Brittany finished, as Sam enthusiastically nodded along listening to her adventures from over the years.</p><p>"Well I'm glad you're doing so well for yourself Brittany, it all sounds amazing. Have you…got anyone special, sharing that life with you?"</p><p>"You mean am I single?" Brittany laughed, watching as Sam nodded, the colour rising in his cheeks. He always did get embarrassed easily.</p><p>It was a question she got a lot, and to some degree it annoyed her that it was such an important factor for people. In Brittany's eyes, the world was too defined by relationships. Yes, she was turning 30 next year and she was still single, but she was happy with that. Her mother's constant harping on about it like it was the be all and end all of life was really beginning to grind her down. She knew her mom just wanted her to be happy though, she'd said so herself, but she didn't understand. It wasn't that Brittany wanted to be single, but she wasn't going to force things just to meet societal norms. There had been people she'd dated, but nothing serious, never someone she could fully commit to. She put that down to A) her ever present love for Santana and B) her lack of trust after Denver. If it wasn't her mom asking, it was Santana. Santana was <em>always </em>wanting the ins and outs of Brittany's dating life. Little did Brittany know the reason why she was asking, and how each time she'd ask it would be with bated breath, as she dreaded the day Brittany turned around and said she had met someone new and this time it was serious. She couldn't blame Sam for asking though, it was a typical conversation filler, but it just so happened to be a sore spot for Brittany. Still, she answered his question honestly and with a smile.</p><p>"Yeah to be honest I just haven't found the right person yet. I mean, my job keeps me so busy so maybe I don't get out enough, and then before that I was travelling around so…I've been officially single a few years now. There are people that I've been seeing for a bit but…never works out. It's okay though, I'm happy" Brittany shrugged.</p><p>"Yeah it's the same for me. I travel so much with work that I haven't really had the chance to find the real deal, you know. I'm happy but…gets a little lonely at times. Especially around the holidays"</p><p>"Yeah Christmas is always particularly nauseating here, what with all the couples kissing under mistletoe and walking around hand in hand picking out gifts together. Honestly it's like something out of a Christmas movie" Brittany laughed.</p><p>Sam laughed along with her, before his expression turned serious. A charged beat could be felt between them as he swallowed nervously.</p><p>"You know, it's gonna sound a little crazy but…in all the years we've been apart I've never stopped thinking about you. It's cliché I know but, it's almost like 'you were the one that got away'. You were my first. My first everything actually. First love, first…you know" Sam giggled, and Brittany cringed slightly that at near 30 Sam couldn't just come out with the phrase she was the first person he'd had sex with. "I'm maybe shooting my shot a little early here but, life is so fast-paced for me and I guess you need to grab the opportunity while you can. I'll be here for a couple of months so, I'd love to take you out some time"</p><p>Brittany stared at the nervous man in front of her. He was a lovely guy, sweet, kind, funny; all the traits that most women would practically die for in a man. But it wasn't what Brittany wanted, and she wasn't going to string him along.</p><p>She chose her words carefully, so not to hurt him.</p><p>"Sam I…I really appreciate that. And you being my first means a lot to me too, because I'm one of the few people who can actually say I don't regret how I lost my virginity. But I'm a different person to the Brittany you knew in High School, I've grown up, you have too. And to be honest, I'm just not really looking for anything right now" she said softly.</p><p>Sam looked down, disappointed, and if Brittany knew him as well as she thought she did, also pretty embarrassed.</p><p>"But Sam, you're a great guy, and I'd love to be friends and hang out, especially because you don't know anyone here".</p><p>"I'd really like that too Brittany." He picked up his coffee cup and raised it in the air "Here's to a new friendship!" he laughed.</p><hr/><p>Santana rolled her eyes as she heard the familiar sound of Taylor Swift's "ME!" blasting from Mila's bedroom for the fifth time in a row.</p><p>"One-minute Brit. I can barely hear myself think!" she sighed through the phone, as she walked upstairs to her daughter's bedroom.</p><p>"Mila! I know you're happy to have the new Taylor album, but how many times have I told you to turn it down?" she asked, exasperated.</p><p>Mila turned the volume down, but not without a roll of her eyes first, looking the absolute image of her mother.</p><p>"Thank you!" said Santana, as she left the room and raised the phone to her ear again, Brittany was laughing as she overheard the commotion.</p><p>"Is my amazing goddaughter slash niece getting her Taylor on again?"</p><p>"She is Brit, and honestly, if I have to hear that guy from Panic at the Disco tell me 'you can't spell awesome without me' one more time…"</p><p>"Go easy on her San" Brittany laughed "You were 10 once remember? Don't think I don't remember all the wailing you did in your room the year Destiny's Child released their version of Emotion. You had the runs down and everything. Your dad wanted to kill us I think. We had to be around Mila's age then"</p><p>"Yep. Point taken. Don't remind me Brit"</p><p>"Anyway, speaking of your dad. Did he and your mom enjoy that restaurant I recommended in Paris?"</p><p>"Yes!! They loved it! Thank you. They passed on their thanks too. The perks of me having a best friend who's so well-travelled means they're seeing all the best places. They arrived in Nice earlier, so if you any recommendations there…"</p><p>"I <em>loved </em>Nice!" Brittany cut in, and Santana could hear the enthusiasm in her voice "I do have some, but I'll text them to you because I can't for the life of me pronounce some of the places. I'm so glad they're having a great time".</p><p>
  <em>It had been two weeks now since Santana had waved her parents off on their European adventure. After years of hard work, George had finally retired, and he and Maribel had sold up to do things they had always wanted to do and never had chance to. The first being travelling Europe since they had never been. With both of their children now fully-fledged adults with lives of their own, the Lopez' knew it was the perfect time to go off and do it, and even though Santana was more than a little worried, she was happy for them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She was never any good at goodbyes though, and her emotions had already been dampened by Dani who wasn't coming to her parents' house to wave them off.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Babe I already said bye to them the other day. I'll just be getting in the way. You're their daughter, they want time with you and Mila and their family. They don't want me hanging around"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana rolled her eyes but didn't argue with her, even though in her mind Dani should be treating herself as family by now. They had been together years, and her parents had always been more than accommodating towards her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Of course when she arrived at her parents' house, Pablo's girlfriend Sarah who he had only been with for 9 months, was there in support. She ignored all the questioning looks around Dani's absence and busied herself making tea and coffee for them all, so they could all sit for a while before the cab arrived to take her parents to the airport.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They would be gone for 6 months minimum, and Santana was going to miss them terribly, but she managed to keep her emotions in check when the time came to say goodbye. Maybe she was immune to it by now from all the goodbyes with Brittany? Her control freak and panic mode was out in full force though, as she followed her parents out to the waiting cab, with Mila, Pablo and Sarah in tow.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Have you got the thermal underwear I gave you?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Santana for the most part we'll be in the Mediterranean, we'll be quite fine" Maribel laughed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What about cash? I've got some extra if you like. Phone chargers, your wallet dad?" she checked, racking through the mental list in her head.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Mija it's fine, will you stop worrying? Your mother and I are going to be absolutely fine" said George, taking his daughter into a hug, while Maribel held Mila tight, the goodbye to her granddaughter being the thing that made her the most emotional.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As they said all their goodbyes, waving them off with choruses of love you's, she couldn't help but smile at how happy they seemed to be heading off on their new adventure.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She put her arm around Mila, Pablo doing the same to Sarah.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Will you leave me to go travelling Mama?" Mila asked curiously.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Certainly not until you're all grown up my angel. And you know even if I do take a holiday like Abuela and Abuelo, I'd never really be leaving you. They'll be back before you know it, and on the phone all the time". said Santana, placing a kiss on her daughter's cheek.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana was right out about that, they were on the phone all the time, updating her and Mila on all of their latest adventures, before relaying the information all over again on the phone to Pablo, their enthusiasm never wearing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But she was glad that they did call as often as they did, she loved hearing all about what they were getting up to on the other side of the world. And it eased her incessant worrying too.</em>
</p><hr/><p>After spending an hour on the phone with Brittany, Santana went into Mila's room to tell her to turn the music off and start winding down and get ready for bed, before going off to find her girlfriend. Dani was now a Restaurant Manager, having fully worked her way up the hospitality ranks, but her shifts were often all over the place. She wasn't working tonight, so Santana figured they could use some quality time together, maybe a nice bath once Mila was in bed.</p><p>That plan soon went out the window when she found Dani applying her makeup and looking ready to hit the town.</p><p>"Oh…you're going out again?" Santana raised her eyebrows.</p><p>"Yeah…didn't I say. I thought I told you this morning" said Dani nonchalantly.</p><p>"Nope. You definitely didn't say"</p><p>"Oh, I'm sorry babe. I thought I did"</p><p>Santana scratched her neck nervously, keen to avoid confrontation but unable to quell the feeling in her stomach at how much Dani was going out lately. She was barely ever home anymore. When she wasn't working, she was out, and she was drinking <em>a lot</em> lately.</p><p>"Who are you going out with?" she asked, trying to keep her tone light.</p><p>"Just a couple of the girls from work. Jenna, Marissa maybe. I don't know for sure who's showing up but, I assume there'll be a few of us"</p><p>"Right." Santana said, her tone changing and showing her obvious unhappiness over this. Dani span around to face her.</p><p>"You seem pissed off." She noted.</p><p>"I'm not it's just…I thought we could have a nice night together tonight with you being off work. I feel like you're never here anymore"</p><p>"That's not true" Dani laughed defensively.</p><p>"Isn't it?" Santana threw back "When was the last time you and I sat down and talked, and I don't just mean a fleeting conversation, I mean <em>really</em> talked? When was the last time we sat down and had dinner together? When was the last time we had sex Danielle? Do you know? Because I don't at this point"</p><p>"You're acting like it's been months. I know I haven't had as much time the past few weeks but jeez Santana, if you're that frustrated…get a vibrator" Dani span around to finish her makeup, and Santana was furious.</p><p>"Stop avoiding this! We've been skirting around this issue for a while now, but you know what? I'm tired of it. I'm officially over it!" Santana shouted; all composure was officially los</p><p>The rage in the fiery Latina only raised rage in the other fiery Latina, and Dani began shouting too.</p><p>"I'm not fucking doing anything wrong Santana! All I want to do is go out and let my hair down, without my girlfriend jumping down my throat for it, or raising eyebrows at the amount I have to drink!"</p><p>Suddenly they heard the door creak open, and Mila was standing there watching them. They both felt immediately guilty for it.</p><p>"Sorry Mila, I didn't mean to shout" said Dani "Mama and I were just having a little disagreement about me drinking all the coffee and not telling her when it runs out"</p><p>Santana shook her head and rolled her eyes. Mila was 10 not 2. As if she was going to fall for that. The look on the little girl's face said it all. She was disappointed in herself for losing it like that and letting Mila see them argue.</p><p>Suddenly Dani's phone beeped, signalling the cab was waiting outside for her, and Santana couldn't decide if it had come at the best or the worst time. Clearly, they still had a lot to talk about, but you could cut the tension with a knife and they probably needed space away from each other right now before they could talk properly.</p><p>"Look I gotta go, that's my ride, but we'll talk later okay? I promise I won't be back late" she said to Santana, her tone softening. She leaned forwards to kiss Santana, hesitant in her approach. Santana turned her head to let her kiss her cheek instead.</p><p>"Have a good night" she offered, swallowing thickly to quell her emotions.</p><p>"Bye" Dani whispered, before turning to Mila and ruffling her hair "Bye Moosh, if Mama thinks it's okay maybe we could go for ice cream tomorrow? My treat" she said, still feeling guilty that Mila had heard her shouting.</p><p>"I'd like that" Mila smiled "Bye Dani, have fun with your friends!"</p><p>Santana sighed sadly as she watched Dani leave. What a mess she had found herself in. She pushed it all to the back of her mind and extended her hand out to Mila.</p><p>"Come on sweetheart, let's go have some snuggle time on the couch before you go to bed"</p><hr/><p>Dani had promised she wouldn't be home late, and that they'd talk, so Santana had fought hard to stay awake as long as she could. Sometime just after midnight she had fallen asleep on the couch, the TV still blaring loud. A loud bang on the TV woke her with a start, and she rubbed her eyes in confusion. Checking the time on her phone it read 04:30am.</p><p>She didn't think Dani was home because the lights and the TV were still on, and surely Dani would have woken her, but she ran upstairs to check anyway. As expected, there was no sign of Dani.</p><p>Where the hell could she be at this time!? Santana began to panic. What if something bad happened to her. She picked up her phone and quickly called her. No answer. She tried a few times, but nothing.</p><p>She sat on the sofa stressed, at a loss of what to do. All sorts of situations started running through her head, the worst being that something awful had happened to Dani, and that she was hurt or worse.</p><p>A tear fell down her cheek without warning, as she thought about Dani leaving on an argument, and how guilty she'd feel if anything <em>had</em> happened to her. She thought about Dani's words before Mila came in, about her jumping down her throat. Was she being too unreasonable? Was she being that paranoid controlling girlfriend?</p><p>She shook her head. She knew she wasn't. The issues with Dani never being home and drinking away her problems had been going on for a while now and had reached fever pitch over the past few weeks. The two of them were now more like ships in the night than partners. Tonight, it had come to a head, but tomorrow they would talk things through calmly and resolve things, Santana mused. She just hoped Dani would call her back soon.</p><p>As if someone was reading her mind, her phone began to ring, and she picked it up from the couch frantically.</p><p>But instead of seeing Dani's name there as expected, she saw her mom's name. She frowned but then realised it was 10:30am over in Nice. Her mom was usually pretty good at working out time difference and calling at a time that was convenient for both of them, but maybe she just didn't think this time. She answered with the best fake happiness she could muster up, she didn't want to give her mom any reason to worry.</p><p>"Mom! Hi. How's Nice? Have you found some good places to eat?"</p><p>But instead of hearing Maribel's enthusiastic voice, she was greeted with soft sobs that made her freeze.</p><p>"Mom are you alright?" she asked, panic beginning to show.</p><p>The crying continued, and a chill ran down Santana's spine.</p><p>"Mom what is it!?"</p><p>"It's bad news <em>Mija"</em></p><p>Tears pricked Santana's eyes, her panic soaring as she began to breathe heavily.</p><p>"Mom…Mom what<em> is it</em>!?" she demanded firmly.</p><p>"It's your Papi, Santanita. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry but…Santana he passed away"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Chapter 37</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>AN: Alright guys, I realise I've left you all hanging and waiting around long enough. Santana and Brittany have been through the mill in this story, and so have all you reading it, but it's all been building up to this week...</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>It's Christmaaaaas, so I'm gonna be posting an update every day in the lead up to the day itself. Now what I will say is there's gonna be a lot of drama, we've got a lot to uncover. But you know what they say...after the rain comes a rainbow.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>In the spirit of Christmas giving, Christmas day <em>might</em> just be that rainbow.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I hope you enjoy the week ahead! :)</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>It's gonna be a ride.</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Halloween was one of Santana's favourite holidays. She had always loved it as a child, and now she had a child of her own she loved it even more. Taking Mila pumpkin picking, finding co-ordinating outfits for them both within the same theme; something that Santana was sure Mila would grow out of next year since she was starting middle school so she was clinging onto that tradition that had been started by Brittany back in 2014, as hard as she could. For that reason, Santana had wanted Halloween to be special this year, because if Mila was anything like she was in middle school she'd be ditching that "totally uncool Halloween with mom" for trick-or-treating with newfound friends next year.</p><p>But all those plans for Halloween had gone out of the window when she found out her beloved Papi had passed away while he was travelling around Europe. It was a heart attack that had ended his life prematurely. It could have been caused by stress, with all the work and long hours he'd put in over the years finally taking its toll. It could have been genetic, just one of those things that couldn't be foreseen or prevented. They didn't yet know. Maribel had found comfort in the fact it was so quick, and she assured her son and daughter he wasn't in any pain, but this barely scratched the surface on providing any sort of relief to Santana. She felt bitter with the irony that her dad had worked so hard all of his life, pushing back his own dreams to be a father and a husband, to bring money into the family and make sure they wanted for nothing. Then the minute he had got to a point where he could retire, where he could live life for himself, it had been taken from him. It had been the hardest most blurry two weeks of Santana's life, and she could barely remember what day it was, let alone the date.</p><p>As they all stood in her <em>tía's </em>living room waiting for the cars to arrive that would take them to the funeral for the final goodbye to the stern but loving man her father was, it was only then that Santana registered it was 3 days before Halloween, when she heard her cousin Antonio talking about his plans. Everyone was trying to hold conversations like that in between sharing memories about George, filled with small talk, in a bid to ease the swirling sadness in the air when silence landed upon them. But Santana stayed inside her own heard, pensive and reflective as she squeezed Mila's hand, not letting her out of her sight today. It saddened her that her daughter was having to attend her first funeral so young. The loss of a grandparent was always a tough one, and she remembered how her abuelo was the first person she had lost too, at the age of 13. She thought about how much her abuela had struggled with her grief at losing her husband, and worried for her mom, knowing this was going to be her reality now. Alma was always tough, but losing her husband made her somewhat harsher. Still it didn't stop Santana growing even closer to her, making sure to go around for dinner often so that she didn't feel lonely. They were almost inseparable, until 2014 when Santana bravely came out to her. After that, they didn't speak for 3 years, but over the last 2 years their relationship had improved. Alma made it clear she didn't agree with the way Santana was living her life, and she didn't think it was right for two women to be together, but she also said that she loved Santana and she missed being a part of her granddaughter's and her great granddaughter's life. Her relationship with Maribel had suffered also, when she had shunned Santana the way she did, and she realised when she heard about Santana buying her first home from Antonio that she was missing out on too much. So they made their peace, and Santana watched her grandmother, who would be turning 80 next year, comforting her mother. Life had a funny way of screwing her at times, but she was glad that was one thing that had been rectified. Dani was even included on last years Christmas card, so it was a vast improvement.</p><p>The service felt like a blur. There were tears, prayers and beautiful words shared about George in the way Santana had witnessed at any funeral she had ever been too. But this wasn't just any funeral, it was her dad's, and she was struggling to cope. And when Mila had complained that she was cold, her brown eyes sad and teary, Santana had simply kissed her head because she knew that cold feeling all too well. It was a feeling that always took over you at funerals, even on the sunniest day.</p><p>When the service was over, they followed the procession out to the adjoining cemetery ready for the burial, and Santana kept her head down. She couldn't stand to see the sympathetic looks that were undoubtedly being sent her way. She kept her focus on being strong for Mila as they walked hand in hand out of the church, completely aware that the 10-year-old was actually the one providing <em>her</em> strength right now.</p><p>Watching her Papi being lowered to the ground was a moment she could never prepare herself for. She allowed herself to look up at the sea of faces. So many people had turned up to say goodbye to George today, she could at least take some comfort from that. People began to edge away from the gravesite, leaving immediate family time alone to pay their respects, until eventually it was just Maribel, Pablo, Mila and herself standing there. Santana had no idea how long they stood there for. Minutes? Hours? She knew it couldn't really be the latter because the rest of the funeral party were still scattered about in the cemetery. As Mila let out soft sobs, Santana squeezed her tight and placed a firm kiss on her head, her own tears falling down. She watched as Pablo opened his arms for his niece, the two of them leaving the gravesite together and heading towards Sarah who was waiting supportively. Maribel stayed a few minutes longer, before placing a reassuring hand on her daughter's shoulder and finding the strength to leave. She knew her daughter would be the last one there, processing everything.</p><p>Hot, thick tears spilled down her cheeks fast, as she carefully read the tributes on some of the flowers placed. And then a voice came out of nowhere. A voice she so desperately needed to hear right now.</p><p>"Santana?" Brittany probed softly from her spot by the tree where she had been watching, unsure if she should approach or if Santana still wanted to be alone.</p><p>And Santana's face crumpling, her arms outstretched for the person she needed the most, was all it took for Brittany to have her answer. She rushed forward, and enveloped Santana in a hug <em>so</em> tight, her sobs wracking both of their bodies.</p><p>She was so glad to have Santana in her arms. The past two weeks had been hellish for her, in not being able to be there for Santana at such a terrible time. When Santana had broken the news, Brittany was flat out with work, but she insisted she would find a way to arrange cover in order to get back to Lima and be there for her, but Santana had told her not to. She wanted so bad for Brittany to be there, because she always drew such strength and comfort from her, but she knew time off at this time of year when they were about to do a full cast change was pretty much impossible for Brittany. She didn't want Brittany doing anything that could risk ruining her solid reputation. Brittany was unsure, she felt like she was letting Santana down, but in a way, she was glad to have Santana's approval because truthfully, she didn't know how she would have got the time off work so last minute. You could be dying yourself and they'd struggle to give you time off when a cast change was involved, and you were a key part of the creative team. If Santana had needed her, she would have dropped everything in a heartbeat, and she didn't care if that made her the most irrational person in the word, but Santana was assuring her otherwise. Of course, that didn't stop her calling several times a day to check in on her, and to find out how Mila, Maribel and Pablo were doing as well, but having Santana there in front of her where she could see for herself how she was holding up made Brittany feel a lot better about things.</p><p>It had been a squeeze to even get time off for the funeral, but in the end, they had allowed her two days. It was so tight time wise that she had only flown in from New York this morning and had to rush straight to the funeral, and her flight back was late tomorrow evening, which would undoubtedly leave her very tired the next day, but she didn't care. All she cared about now was the girl in her arms.</p><p>"It was a beautiful service San" she whispered, as she tenderly wiped the tears from Santana's cheeks, only for more to fall.</p><p>"It was" Santana sniffed "I'm so glad you could make it Brittany"</p><p>"Hey honey, I told you I would be there no matter what for you today. And I needed to say goodbye to the wonderful dad you had. He really was so special to me growing up you know? I hero-worshipped him" said Brittany pensively.</p><p>Santana smiled through her tears at Brittany's words, before crumbling again. Now that Brittany was here, she could truly vocalise how she was feeling.</p><p>"I never got to say goodbye…"</p><p>And Brittany felt her own heart break as she took Santana in her arms once more, each heavy cry like a punch to the stomach, as she whispered soothing words. She could feel Santana clinging onto her <em>so</em> tight, and she hoped that her presence was offering her even the smallest glimmer of comfort.</p><p>"Babe! There you are, I've been looking everywhere"</p><p>Brittany raised her head that had previously been buried in Santana's hair, to see Dani approaching. She frowned at her words. She made it sound like she had lost Santana at a house party, rather than the fact they were at her dad's funeral and she was spending some reflective alone time in the spot he'd just been buried. She frowned even more when she took in Dani's demeanour. Staggering slightly in her steps, face covered with a pair of large black YSL shades. She had to be kidding right?</p><p>Dani slung her arm around Santana who seemed to stiffen slightly at the gesture.</p><p>"I've just been talking to your cousin. Babe, he is so boring. I had to get away" Dani laughed, and Brittany absolutely lost it.</p><p>"Seriously!? You're drunk at your girlfriend's dad's funeral?"</p><p>Dani removed her sunglasses, sniffing awkwardly</p><p>"I find...funerals <em>really</em> difficult Brittany"</p><p>"Oh, because Santana, she's having a great time" Brittany chimed sarcastically.</p><p>She knew from Santana that Dani struggled heavily still with the grief of losing her own father, but she couldn't believe how selfish Dani was being today. Dani's feelings were valid, and she may well struggle with funerals, but that didn't mean she had to get drunk and act like she was acting. She would have been better off staying at home over <em>this</em>.</p><p>"You know what, fuck you!" Dani spat; Brittany clearly having hit a nerve.</p><p>"Please!" Santana whispered, her emotions still visible as she turned to Dani, begging her to stop.</p><p>The haze of the alcohol wasn't enough to stop Santana's emotions cutting through that time, the desperation evident in her voice, and Dani collected herself and softened.</p><p>"Thanks for turning up. We both really appreciate it" she said to Brittany, before putting on her shades again and turning to Santana and placing an arm over her shoulder once more "Come on. Let's go"</p><p>As Brittany watched Dani lead Santana away, looking so small and vulnerable, she felt her anger encompass. It may have been an emotion she rarely felt, but when she felt it, she felt it strongly.</p><p>Santana turned around and glanced over her shoulder, and as sad brown eyes met blue, Brittany offered her a sympathetic smile.</p><hr/><p>Back at her tía's house, Santana made her observations from her place on the couch. She checked on her daughter first, glad to see that she was babbling away to Brittany with a hint of a smile on her face. Then she had eyes on her mom, who was busying herself with the catering and appeared okay. Pablo was chatting away to Antonio, and once Santana was satisfied that her loved ones were doing as good as expected, she turned her attention to her girlfriend. She watched her, eagle-eyed, as she poured herself <em>another</em> glass of wine. She knew people had a drink to celebrate the life of the person lost after the funeral, but not to the extent that Dani was drinking, and eyebrows were beginning to be raised. She'd had enough, and she approached Dani and took her firmly by the arm, pulling her out into the hallway.</p><p>"Look I know you find funerals uncomfortable so if this is too much for you, just leave. Really, I'll be fine" she said bluntly.</p><p>"What and just leave you here alone on your dad's funeral day?" Dani frowned.</p><p>"I'm not alone" Santana sighed "I have my family, Mila, Brittany. I'm okay Dani honestly just…please just go. You're making this all more difficult than it needs to be"</p><p>"I'm <em>trying</em> to be there for you baby, I really am but…you <em>know</em> this is hard for me after losing my dad. It's only been a couple of years you know? I'm still not over it."</p><p>"I know that Dan, I do. And I always try and be there for you over that. But today I needed you to be there for me and just put your own self aside, just for <em>one</em> day. That's all I was asking. I <em>asked</em> you not to drink, and what do you do? I can't cope with it Danielle. Not today. So just go, and I'll see you at home" Santana said firmly, her frustration becoming evident.</p><p>"You know what, fine!"</p><p>Santana watched Dani storm off, her actions muddled by alcohol, and wondered if she actually would see her at home. Knowing Dani, she was about to go out and drink herself into a stupor. But she didn't have the space in her already extremely heavy heart to concern herself with that right now, so she headed back into the living room and found Brittany helping herself to the food her aunt and mother had laid out.</p><p>"Brittany?" she approached</p><p>"Hey" Brittany whispered, reaching out to touch Santana, holding her by the arms and stroking lightly. "Are you doing okay?"</p><p>"Brittany, will you stay with me tonight?" she asked, the soft vulnerability masked in her voice reminding Brittany of a teenage Santana.</p><p>"<em>Of course</em> I will angel. I'll be right wherever you need me to be. You never even need to ask".</p><hr/><p>Later that night, with Mila in bed and Dani nowhere to be seen, Santana and Brittany sat out on the porch with a glass of red wine each. It was surprisingly mild for an October night, as they reminisced over George.</p><p>"Do you remember Freshman year, when we came back from cheer competition and your dad was picking you up for a change instead of your mom? All the other parents waited out in the carpark but when the bus drove in we could just see your dad standing there in the school grounds waiting to personally escort you off the bus. Your face was a picture!"</p><p>"Oh my God Brit! I was mortified. I can <em>still</em> hear Matt Rutherford in my head being all like 'hey Santana, isn't that your dad?'. Totally not cool dad, why did you do that to me?" Santana laughed at the funny memory.</p><p>"You were all like 'dad why the hell aren't you waiting in the car with all the over parents!?' and he was like 'but I just came to help you with your bag!'. He was so sweet. My dad would have never. Everyone thought he was so lovely after they heard that. He had a big heart in there underneath his tough guy exterior"</p><p>"He did" Santana smiled wistfully, before her features saddened "I should have appreciated that more when he was here. Like…why did I ever shout at him that day and feel embarrassed by him?"</p><p>Brittany squeezed Santana's hand and offered her a sympathetic smile.</p><p>"Babe you were a teenager. <em>All </em>teenagers would have reacted like that. But you did appreciate him San. He knew how much you loved him. I really loved him too. Do you remember he was the person who taught me how to ride a bike?"</p><p>Santana's eyes lit up at the memory.</p><p>"Oh my God yes! I forgot about that"</p><p>"Mm-hm" Brittany nodded "My dad gave up with me pretty much after a day because I wasn't even getting the basic concept of peddling forwards"</p><p>The sound of Santana's loud laughter brought happiness to Brittany's heart; glad she could make her do that in such a time.</p><p>"Yeah for someone who could dance rings around everyone, I don't know how you struggled so much with those peddles, but it was <em>so</em> cute" Santana remembered.</p><p>"I remember I was like…8/9? And I still couldn't ride. We went to that sleepover, Amy Cello's remember her? And we all took our bikes and she laughed at me for using training wheels still and having a baby bike"</p><p>"Uh! I remember! I was so mad. I went <em>alllll</em> Lima Heights right? Your unicorn bike was <em>amazing</em>. Brace face Amy had no taste."</p><p>"You <em>did</em> go all Lima Heights, but after that you went home and told your mom and dad about how upset you were, because you hated seeing me getting picked on. Then your dad called my dad, and the next day your dad was there, teaching me how to ride without my training wheels. He was <em>so</em> patient with me. And what with you at the side chanting "Go Brit-Brit, Go Brit-Brit, Go!" on a loop, I picked it up in no time. He was an amazing man"</p><p>Santana smiled at the memory, before resting her head on Brittany's shoulder, the blonde wrapping her arm protectively around her.</p><p>"He was. He taught me so much. The biggest being to live with no regrets. It does make me feel better to know that when he died, he didn't regret a thing" Santana recollected "I miss him so much already Britt. How am I going to get through a lifetime without him?"</p><p>"You'll miss him every day Santana, and that's normal." said Brittany softly, pulling from her own experience of grief "But as each day goes on, that raw pain that you feel inside right now <em>will</em> get easier, I promise."</p><p>Santana squeezed Brittany's hand with a grateful smile, before Brittany continued.</p><p>"And just because he's gone from this world doesn't mean he's really gone. He's always around you, watching you and guiding you. And he lives on San. He lives on through you. He lives on through Mila".</p><p>"Thanks Brit" Santana sighed lovingly "You always make it make sense. I love you so much"</p><p>"I love you too" Brittany replied earnestly, and the two shared a moment before relaxing into a reflective silence, staring out at the nights sky.</p><p>Sometime later, Brittany took a sip of her wine to address the obvious elephant in the room.</p><p>"Do you think Dani will be back anytime soon?"</p><p>Santana sighed, this time not so lovingly.</p><p>"Honestly Britt? I don't really know. She's a law unto herself lately. Grief's hard for her but…I was really disappointed in her today. Her behaviour's just been getting more and more reckless lately. It feels like she's never home anymore, and that she'd rather be drinking with her friends. I'm all for her going out and having fun but…the other week she randomly didn't come home one night. And God knows I'm not the type of person to sit at home like a jealous girlfriend, you know me, I mean I used to berate Denver for being like that with you. But something's off lately".</p><p>"Where was she?" Brittany frowned.</p><p>"She said she just crashed at her friends, had too much to drink" Santana shrugged "I mean she could have done, it's not that I don't believe her, it's the fact I don't recognise the way she's acting anymore and she won't open up. I think she needs help beyond me. I mean…we haven't really talked about it because the day that happened was the same day I found out about my dad. She seems generally regretful and she's been super supportive and sweet over the past couple of weeks, but today was just a shit show"</p><p>"You deserve better than that Santana" Brittany told her with honest eyes.</p><p>Santana threw Brittany a questioning, almost hopeful look that caught Brittany off guard, and she rushed to redeem herself.</p><p>"I mean…she's your girlfriend and she should have been your biggest support today, but she wasn't. You had enough to deal with, without worrying about her. I'm sorry she finds it hard, but she should have at least tried to put that aside for today, or just admitted she couldn't come. Better than her being wasted"</p><p>"I know. I know, I said the exact same thing to her" Santana admitted, with a heavy sigh.</p><p>"Do you think you'll work things out?" Brittany asked, trying to push down the lingering hope in her tone.</p><p>Santana swilled her wine, staring at the red substance coating her glass, as she mused over her words.</p><p>"Yeah I'm sure we will" she said eventually "I just need to get her to open up. When we're happy, we're happy. And Mila thinks the world of her too. It's just one of those that we'll get past and, in the end, it'll make us stronger for it."</p><p>Santana's lies were so convincing, they made Brittany's heart sink.</p><p>"Plus- who else would ever put up with my ways?" Santana joked, breaking the tension that appeared to be sitting thick around them, that had evolved out of nowhere.</p><p>And Brittany just wanted to turn her around and kiss her fiercely and tell her that <em>she </em>would 'put up with' her ways. Only she wouldn't just put up with them, she would love them, because she loved everything about Santana. She had seen every side of her, but she still loved and embraced it all. Santana wasn't perfect, but it was her 'imperfections' that Brittany loved about her the most. Her fiery temper was simply protectiveness and passion to Brittany. Her self-doubt, representative of how humble she was. Her strong emotions that meant she could literally cry at a commercial, a sign of her giant, generous heart.</p><p>Santana deserved so much more. Brittany had believed Santana and Dani to be happy, but this new information, added to the fact she was realising now how all too short life was, was the push she needed to finally let out those hidden feelings and tell Santana how she felt.</p><p>Santana's words of wisdom from George echoed fresh in her mind.</p><p>
  <em>Live with no regrets.</em>
</p><p>She wanted to be like George, and know that when her time came, she didn't regret a thing and she'd done everything in her power to live the life she wanted to live. Shocked by her new-found confidence, she sent silent grateful thoughts to heaven, thankful for the epiphany from the man who had at times been like a second father to her.</p><p>Feeling so suddenly bold, she wanted to say it all now, but she couldn't. Santana was vulnerable and emotional, and she wasn't going to take advantage of that. This day was reserved for grieving for her dad, and she was already furious with Dani for taking some of that from her already.</p><p>She decided that she would write Santana a letter. Something she could read and process in her own time, with no pressure. She also knew she'd be able to get everything off her chest, without letting her emotions get the better of her.</p><p>Not 24 hours later, was Brittany sitting in John Glenn International Airport, putting pen to paper and letting her subconscious write for her.</p><p>
  <strong>Santana,</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>You deserve someone who loves you with every beat of her heart. Someone who will always be there for you and Mila, and who will love every part of you, especially your flaws.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I know Mila has bonded with Dani, and being the amazing mom you are, that might impact the choices you make. But I want you to be truthful to yourself in how happy you really are in this situation. I don't want to intrude, and if this is all wrong just ignore it and I promise I'll never broach the subject again.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Dani's not the girl for you Santana.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Too many times I've let you slip through my fingers. Let's stop being afraid and take the chance. I know now I can make you happy.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I love you Santana. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else in this world. All I know about you and I is that, because of that, I think anything's possible.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>And the truth is, I don't remember a time I haven't felt like this about you.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I won't make things awkward by bringing this up. I'll act normal unless told otherwise.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>But…let me know if you feel the same way.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Love, Brittany</strong>
</p><p>Brittany read the letter a thousand times over, checking it said everything it needed to say, before carefully folding it into the envelope. She knew it was cliché, but she sealed it with a kiss anyway, placing it safely in her bag ready to post as soon as she landed back in New York.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Chapter 38</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Brittany was 6 years old, eating her breakfast before school when she heard her mother suddenly cry out;</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh dang it! I forgot to say rabbit, rabbit!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany frowned in confusion.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What do you mean Mommy?" she giggled.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well honey. It's the first day of a new month, and people believe if you say rabbit, rabbit as soon as you wake up, before you say anything else, it will bring you luck for the whole month" said Whitney, before noticing the look of worry that had fallen upon Brittany's face "But don't worry, it's just a silly folk tale. It doesn't mean you will have bad luck if you don't say it".</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But it was too late, Brittany had taken the superstition all too seriously, and for almost two years she made a point of following it. The months she forgot brought tears and worry, and the Pierce's were mindful not to mention any more superstitions in future to their naïve and sensitive daughter.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>By 8, Brittany had learned new superstitions from her peers at school, much to the Pierce's disappointment. Soon rabbit, rabbit was replaced by not stepping on any cracks in the pavement. By 9, the new thing was making sure to not walk under ladders, and the Pierce's could be glad this wasn't a superstition that took hold as much. There weren't as many ladders as there were cracks in the pavement or firsts of the month.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>By middle school she started growing out of her superstition stage, the same way she started growing out of her imaginary pet dog Lord Pawesome (her parents buying her a cat that she affectionately named Lord Tubbington may have helped this one). She still picked up penny's from the floor to bring luck, and knocked on wood in order to not jinx herself, but she didn't follow it as religiously as she used to. If she noticed it was the first of the month and she remembered to do it, she'd say rabbit, rabbit, but she'd no longer beat herself up if she forgot.</em>
</p><p>Brittany couldn't even remember the last time she had said it, but today on November 1st as she posted that all important letter to Santana, she said it vehemently.</p><p>Now all she needed to do was wait, knowing that it could arrive any time in the week. Her and Santana carried on talking as normal, and she wondered if the letter hadn't been received or read yet, or if this was just Santana ignoring the issue and carrying on as normal to preserve their friendship, as Brittany had requested if she didn't feel the same way. The more the week went on the more Brittany began to worry it was the latter, and she found herself looking for clues in her FaceTime's and phone calls with Santana. Was her tone off? Did she seem distant? It was November 4th by now, and she knew first class with UPS usually took around 1-3 days. Today was the third day, but nothing had changed. It was an agonising waiting game. Maybe she should have just text her or told her in person, but she was scared that option would put too much pressure on Santana if she didn't feel the same and cause an awkwardness. At least this way they'd never have to acknowledge it. Santana could just act like she'd never received the letter in the first place and their friendship would go on as normal, words left unsaid. It wasn't the ideal situation, but at least Brittany could be sure now that she'd said what she wanted to say, no regrets.</p><p>All she could do was wait it out and hope that Santana just simply hadn't read it yet.</p><hr/><p>It was actually November 5th when the letter made its way into Santana's mailbox, despite Brittany's worries the previous day that she must have already read and received it.</p><p>It was just a regular day in Lima, but Mila excitedly informed Santana and Dani over breakfast that it was a holiday in the UK today, Guy Fawkes Day. She was learning all about it in school, and she was excited to take her finished school project in around it. Being her creative self, she had gone the extra mile, with her paper plate Catherine wheels, foil sparklers, handprint bonfire and cardboard tube rockets.</p><p>"I'm sure your headed for an A+ sweetheart" Santana smiled enthusiastically "Come on get your stuff together, we better get going"</p><p>"I can take Mila babe" Dani offered "I have some time before work so I can drop her in. Saves you having to go out"</p><p>"You sure?" Santana asked.</p><p>"Yeah of course, plus we love our car sing-a-longs without Mama there telling us to turn it down, don't we Moosh?"</p><p>Mila laughed and nodded her head in agreement, before heading upstairs to collect her belongings for school.</p><p>"Thank you" Santana smiled appreciatively.</p><p>Things were still rocky between them after Dani's behaviour at the funeral, but Santana was grateful she was at least trying to make up for it, and she had apologised. She wondered how she was going to busy herself today and hoped that Quinn might be free. She was off work for the rest of the week due to the bereavement, the law firm she had worked at for over 5 years now as an Executive Assistant, kindly insisting that she took the time. She was grateful at first, but she was beginning to think now she would have been better off at work. Distracted and in a routine.</p><p>"We need to leave in five, Mila!" Dani shouted up the stairs, as she walked out to collect the mail that had just been delivered.</p><p>"Bill, Bill, Santana's, Bill" she muttered to herself as she walked back inside flicking through the mail. The last letter, handwritten and addressed to Santana, adorned with the New York postmark stopped her in her tracks.</p><p>She glanced up the stairs and down the hallway to check Santana and Mila weren't approaching and hurriedly ripped open the letter, curiosity getting the better of her, because she was damn sure she knew who this was from. She had just read the first few lines when she heard Santana's voice.</p><p>"Anything for me?"</p><p>Caught off guard, Dani quickly stuffed the letter into her pocket, making a mental note to read it later.</p><p>"Uh yeah…just this one" she said, handing over the other letter that had arrived for Santana.</p><p>Santana carefully read the front of the envelope, studying the postmark and date, before looking up at Dani.</p><p>"From my dad" she said sadly "In France, the day before he died"</p><p>"Oh Santana don't read that!" Dani sighed.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Well, it'll upset you" Dani explained, her brow furrowed with concern.</p><p>Santana looked back down at the letter in her hands.</p><p>"I'm already upset…"</p><p>Dani shifted uneasily; she really was no good at handling this situation.</p><p>"Do you…want me to stay?" she offered, but Santana could tell it was far from what she wanted to do. She was itching to be out the door away from the awkwardness.</p><p>"Funnily enough, no." Santana shook her head, her tone a little harsher than intended.</p><p>"Well…call me if you need anything" said Dani "Tell Mila I'm waiting in the car"</p><hr/><p>When Mila and Dani had left, and Santana was finally alone, she sat down at the table and tentatively opened the letter from her dad.</p><p>
  <strong>Dear Santana,</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Here I am at last. Finally walking the Mediterranean coast. I've lost count of the years I've waited for this moment. Somehow life got in the way, and it was all good I don't regret a minute of it, but we forget our dreams at our peril.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I know you had yours too, and it must feel sometimes like they're gone for good. But I'm so proud of the woman you've become Santana, of the mother you've been to Mila. What I once said about you is still true, there's nothing you can't do if you put your mind to it.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>So keep chasing those dreams, will you querida? For my sake.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Dad</strong>
</p><p>A teardrop landed on the paper, and Santana moved the letter quickly so not to smudge the ink, carefully folding it and holding it to her heart as hot thick tears spilled down her cheeks. She could almost hear her father's voice as she read the letter. It was a bittersweet moment hearing that final message from him. She was so glad to have that letter, but also sad that his zest for life had been snatched away from him.</p><p>She thought about George's words all day long. He was right, she did always have dreams. Dreams that seemed so far away now. Her biggest dream had always been to go to New York with Brittany, and as much as she adored being a mom, at the time she had been shattered at that dream coming to an end.</p><p>But now that Santana had a handle on her feelings, it occurred to her that it was less about New York and more about just doing life with Brittany. <em>That </em>was her biggest dream, but it also seemed her most out of reach dream. As close as she was to telling Brittany her feelings some years ago, now she felt trapped in the family she'd built for her and Mila, and far away from ever being able to tell Brittany that she loved her. Their lives were always headed in different directions, and on top of that, Santana was scared of the rejection. The not knowing how Brittany felt gnawed away at her every day, but she knew that was nothing compared to what she'd feel if Brittany outright told her she didn't love her back. At least now she had hope that there could be a chance still, and she could still rely on fate to somehow get them there. If Brittany crushed that hope, what would she have left? For those reasons, Santana couldn't chase her biggest dream, and she felt like she was letting her Papi down.</p><p>But she did have other dreams. For as long as she could remember she had wanted to be a Lawyer, and that was what she set out to study at NYU. She had always been very ambitious, but her pregnancy put a stop to all that and she never made it to college. She enjoyed her job as an Executive Assistant in a law firm, where she had worked for the past 5 years, but she had hoped at the time of accepting it that it would accelerate her and give her opportunities to expand into the career path of law itself, but this hadn't been the case. The work she was doing was purely administrative, and she had almost lost her confidence in her academic abilities. Plus, she'd never had the money to go back to college. Not until now. Her and Pablo were now going to be receiving their father's share of the house that their parents had sold just before they went off on their travels.</p><p>George's words were the confidence boost Santana needed. She might not be able to chase her Brittany dream, but she could at least chase her Lawyer dream.</p><p>That night, as Santana tucked Mila into bed, she said her thoughts out loud for the first time all day.</p><p>"Moo, what do you think about me using the money from Abuelo to go back to school and study to be a Lawyer?"</p><p>"I think that would be awesome, Mama" Mila smiled.</p><p>Santana returned the smile, taking Mila into her arms and burying her face in her soft hair. She could always rely on Mila to be her number one supporter.</p><hr/><p>"It's not a bad life, it's a bad day" Brittany repeated to herself, her patience wearing extremely thin as she watched the new cast mess up again. They were extremely close to cast change night, and she worried they weren't going to be ready. She knew today wasn't going to end well from the minute she woke up. Her alarm hadn't gone off for some reason, or perhaps in her tiredness from being overworked she had forgotten to set it, and it left her running late for work. So late in fact, that she had no time to detour to La Colombe and had to make do with the Starbucks conveniently situated next to the theatre, but it just wasn't hitting her the way the La Colombe caffeine did. Now <em>this</em> with the cast.</p><p>"Guys you're being sloppy. It's the same corrections over and over again" Brittany sighed "Take half hour for lunch and come back ready, because if we don't get this right after, I'm going to be forced to make some serious changes"</p><p>The blonde knew her words were sterner than she was used to, but it had to be done. The business was tough, and the cast needed to up their game.</p><p>"You're pissed" observed Kurt, laughing as he appeared behind her.</p><p>"Of course I'm pissed! They're giving me nothing back right now" said Brittany, spinning around to greet Kurt and rubbing her forehead with frustration.</p><p>"You'll get them to pull it together Brit. You always do" Kurt said confidently, and Brittany couldn't help but wonder how as the Director he always managed to stay so calm.</p><p>"Maybe, but I am seriously feeling the pressure right now. Thank the lord we only have two more days before Thanksgiving, because I'm in sure need of a break, even if it is just a day"</p><p>"I feel you, boo" Kurt pouted sympathetically "Actually about that Brit. I know we always do the whole Thanksgiving together thing when we're cast changing and can't make it home, but I wanted to ask if you have any other options because…I may or may not have been asked out on a date by the one and only…Blaine Anderson"</p><p>"You mean the Blaine Anderson you've literally been stalking for months?" Brittany gasped.</p><p>"That's the one" Kurt smirked proudly.</p><p>"Okay well in that case you <em>have</em> to go with him. I'll find other plans. Just try not to make me all jealous when you call me afterwards. Seriously Kurt I'm super happy for you, but when is my luck going to come in? My love life is practically non-existent"</p><p>"Well…I wouldn't say non-existent, Miss "Sleeping with my Ex" Kurt teased, and Brittany's cheeks flushed red.</p><p>"Kurt, shut up about that!" she hissed, glancing around to check nobody else heard.</p><p>"What!? I don't blame you, he's cute!"</p><p>
  <em>November had been a funny one for Brittany. Not only was she anxiously awaiting for Santana to react to her letter, she'd had some weird dealings with both of her only significant ex's.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Twice more she had bumped into Denver this month, making it three times in total. Three separate occasions where throughout the whole of New York, they'd been in the same place as each other at the same time, despite not bumping into each other once the previous two years that Brittany had been back there.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And if she believed in all that, she'd be beginning to think it was a case of serendipity, and that the universe was trying to tell her something, that she needed to get back with him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She did agree to meet him for a drink one evening, after the third incident. There's only so many times you can say no politely to someone. Surprisingly, she actually had a laugh. Denver had really grown and matured in the past 5 or so years, it was evident to see. Jacob was his pride and joy, and he beamed when he talked about him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Denver definitely turned the charm on and flirted a bit, and it would have been easy to fall back into something with him if there was any inclination that Brittany felt the same way, but she didn't.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She could appreciate he was attractive still, but nothing further, and a few cocktails in the thought creeped into Brittany's mind that he'd be great for a hook-up, but she didn't go there. A good distraction yes but… too messy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Denver wasn't the ex that Brittany had been sleeping with.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sam was.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It had just happened one night after a few drinks with him, the two of them agreeing to go out since they had said they'd be friends and Sam knew literally nobody in New York. Each day without an acknowledgement from Santana about the letter, each phone call and FaceTime where Santana asked Brittany how her day was and how work was doing and what she was making for dinner instead of bringing up the feelings Brittany had dropped on her, was like a stamp to the heart. Even though she had told Santana not to acknowledge it if she didn't feel the same, she was surprised Santana had actually done this. She thought that even if Santana didn't return the feelings, she would still call, and they'd talk about it and Santana would assure her it would all be okay, and their friendship was going to stay unchanged. Now she just felt stupid, and almost like a time bomb was going to go off at any given moment. It was upsetting and confusing and she needed a distraction. Meaningless sex with men had always proven to be a great distraction for her, and old habits die hard.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sam was there that night and he fancied her, and she couldn't deny he was an attractive man, so it just happened. It was fun, she couldn't deny that, and Sam had certainly improved since their teenage years.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But the issue was that it had kept on happening. Mostly alcohol-fuelled, but a couple times sober. Brittany was always clear to draw the boundary that this was just sex, she reiterated time and time again that she wasn't looking for anything more, and if he was hurt by this then they had to stop. Sam would insist he knew the score, but then he'd do things like show up at her work and watch from the auditorium supportively. Really sweet things, but things he couldn't be doing if they were going to keep up this 'friends with benefits' situation they'd conveniently found themselves in. The last thing she wanted to do was lead Sam on and hurt him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I know Brit. I know you don't want anything more between us, I get it. It's okay. I'm just showing up here as a friend today. No agenda" Sam had told her that day, after she raised her concerns.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So, it was the same vicious circle of them sleeping together, but then Sam would blur the lines and suggest something couple-y like a movie night, or he'd drop casual hints like;</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You know if you let me take you out, you could buy that dress you've been banging on about and actually have a valid excuse. And what's in it for me is good food and good company. It's a win-win"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So, then Brittany would have to talk to him and tell him they needed to stop, and then Sam would backtrack and insist he was joking. That he didn't want a relationship right now either, because his situation in New York was only temporary. She'd accept what he said, and they'd resume their arrangement, and the cycle would repeat again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She was torn between actually really enjoying Sam's company and friendship, and the distraction and attraction of the good sex they were having, but she knew it was messy and it did need to stop. In an alternate universe, she would probably give Sam a shot. He was kind, attractive, great job, good values. The full package really.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But Brittany's heart space remained reserved for only one, and try as she might, there was nothing she could do to change that.</em>
</p><p>"So who are you going to hit up for Thanksgiving then?" Kurt asked.</p><p>"I mean…Sam asked me to do something" Brittany sighed "But you know that's complicated. I don't want him to think it's a date or anything like that. Spending Thanksgiving together could be considered quite couple-y. At the same time, I feel bad because, he doesn't know anyone here"</p><p>"Oh Brittany please" Kurt scoffed "There's nothing wrong with two friends who can't make it home to their families spending Thanksgiving together instead of being miserable lonely. I mean look at you and I"</p><p>"Well yes but you and I aren't hooking up, and you're also gay, so the chances of our Thanksgiving meet ups becoming romantically geared is…I don't know? Slim to none" Brittany laughed sarcastically.</p><p>"Okay point taken. But why don't you just make it a non-deal? Don't go all big with a dinner, just get takeout, watch a movie. Continuously point out to him that it's <em>not </em>a date like you always do anyway. There's nothing wrong with you still hanging out as long as you're clear and upfront about what it is. It's called <em>friends</em> with benefits, not just benefits"</p><p>Brittany laughed, Kurt was always one to give meaningful analogies, and she loved that about him. He was also right, so come Thanksgiving, Sam and Brittany did just that.</p><p>They ate Chinese takeout while they watched The Hangover, Brittany being sure to not pick a romance or even a horror where Sam might try putting his arm around her to comfort her. They drank wine, and of course they finished the night with sex.</p><p>The day hadn't been so bad, until in their post-orgasmic bliss, Sam reached his arm around Brittany and pulled her in close. This was something that she had made clear was off limits.</p><p>"Well I have to say I'm very thankful for <em>that</em>" Sam whispered into Brittany's shoulder "And I'm even more thankful for you, and the fact you came back into my life again".</p><p>Brittany pulled away uncomfortable, sitting up on the bed.</p><p>"Sam, please. Stop. This is weird, you're crossing the line again"</p><p>Sam sighed exasperated.</p><p>"I just don't understand why you can't give me a chance. We're good together. We were back then, and we are now. All I want to do is take you out on one date, see how it goes. I think you might surprise yourself and actually enjoy it. I know you've been hurt in the past and you're used to being single but…you know me Brit. I'm a good guy"</p><p>Brittany looked down hesitantly as she bit her lip. She hated being this person. She wished she could give him a chance and move on, but she just couldn't.</p><p>"I'm sorry Sam but I've told you, and the answer remains the same. I'm not looking for anything more than fun right now, and if this is becoming too hard for you, we really do need to stop. I don't want to hurt you, but my intentions have always been clear" she said, as she rose from the bed and put her robe on to head back downstairs and give them both some space.</p><p>"Brittany, wait…" Sam called after her.</p><p>"Just…learn to respect the boundaries we have Sam" she called back, frustrated, but also determined that this was going to end.</p><hr/><p>Brittany poured herself a glass of wine and checked her phone for the time, it was almost midnight. As she aimlessly scrolled through Instagram, she smiled looking at everybody's photos from the day, but she couldn't help but feel jealous she hadn't spent it with her own family. Today had been nice but, nothing beat the feeling of being around all of your family with a huge feast. There'd be other years at least. It was just the nature of her work.</p><p>She noticed Santana had put a story on and opened it up, seeing it was a picture of her, Dani and Mila.</p><p>"Happy Thanksgiving from my family to yours X"</p><p>It simply said.</p><p>To the average person, they probably did look like a happy family, but Brittany knew her best friend and she knew by looking at Santana's eyes she wasn't happy. Feeling boldened by the alcohol, and unable to not acknowledge the elephant in the room any longer, she typed out her reply.</p><p>
  <strong>San. I understand we weren't going to speak of it, but I just need to know one thing. Are you happy with her?x</strong>
</p><p>Santana was lying in bed, aimlessly scrolling on her phone. When she got the notification that Brittany had replied to her story, she thought it was going to be her gushing about Mila, she hadn't expected this.</p><p>She had opened up to Brittany about the troubles with Dani last month on the day of her dad's funeral, but they hadn't acknowledged it since, and they spoke every day. It was all very spontaneous and out of the blue, and it caught her off guard, but she assumed that maybe Brittany had a little more to drink than usual with it being Thanksgiving, so she was getting it off her chest.</p><p><em>"In fairness, I'd ask her the same question if the roles were reversed and she was the one telling me her relationship problems" </em>Santana mused.</p><p>She stared at Dani's sleeping form next to her, then glanced over at the bedside table, a photo of her, Dani and Mila together, and typed out the most honest response she could give around the situation.</p><p>
  <strong>There's not much I've got right in my life but this family, somehow, we're making it work. So I guess the one word answer to your question should be yes x</strong>
</p><p>And as Brittany read the response; she felt the tears prick her eyes. There it was; the definitive rejection. Sure, Santana's words were a little ambiguous but, in short, she'd said she was happy and making it work with Dani. That was enough for Brittany to know that this was enough now. She'd waited around all these years, kept her love a secret and hoped that one day Santana would say she felt the same way. Now that glimmer of hope had been stubbed out so fast, in a manner as simple as an Instagram message.</p><p>If Brittany wasn't so distraught, she'd laugh at how anti-climactic it was.</p><p><em>"Enough now. Time to get on with my life once and for all" </em>was the only thing she could tell herself through her tears.</p><p>But as she heard footsteps approaching, she quickly wiped her tears, and she looked up at Sam who was fully dressed and looked to be on his way out.</p><p>"I figured I should leave. Respect the boundaries and all" Sam sighed.</p><p>And Brittany just couldn't bear to be alone right now so she shocked herself and found herself saying;</p><p>"No. No don't go. Stay. <em>Please?</em>"</p><p>Sam looked confused, and Brittany didn't blame him, but he nodded and didn't question it. They silently retreated back up to the bedroom, and climbed underneath the covers, and Brittany shocked herself again as she found herself asking for something that she had always said was off limits. But she just needed the comfort tonight.</p><p>"Sam…" she whispered into the darkness "Will you hold me please?"</p><p>She prayed he wouldn't be able to hear the vulnerability in her voice. Sam was confused again, but silently he did as he was asked, and he held Brittany all night.</p><p>And as she woke up in Sam's embrace, having pondered on her thoughts all night, she realised Sam wasn't her alternate universe, Santana was. In keeping with the superstition that things come in three's, Brittany shocked herself for the third time when she turned to Sam and simply said.</p><p>"Sam, I will go on a date with you"</p><p>Because she had to believe that if Santana was her alternate universe, maybe Sam could be her this universe. She had to let go, and have a shot at happiness elsewhere.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Chapter 39</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>"Sometimes the bad thing that in happen our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us."- Nicole Reed.</strong>
</p><hr/><p>They had only been dating a month, but things between Brittany and Sam were heating up fast. Parallel to Santana's situation with Dani some years ago, they hadn't put a label on things, but did people really do that anymore? Asking someone to officially be your girlfriend/boyfriend almost seemed juvenile when you were close to 30. Brittany was just taking it for what it was, and Sam was doing the same. They hadn't told anybody outside of their New York bubble yet that they were back together, but now Christmas was a few days away and they were on the way back to Ohio. As they drove through Pennsylvania, Sam spoke what was on his mind.</p><p>"So…my family are having a party on Boxing Day. I'd really love you to be there if you have nothing on with your family. My mom always loved you Brit, she'll be so pleased when she finds out we're dating again"</p><p>Brittany swallowed. You know things are getting serious when you're being introduced to family members, or in Brittany's case re-introduced, and tagging along to family parties. But she ignored any doubts and nodded her head in agreement.</p><p>"Okay?" Sam clarified.</p><p>"Okay." Brittany smiled.</p><p>The first test was going to be Ashley's annual Christmas Eve party, that they were going to be attending together. She hadn't even told Santana that she was dating Sam again, but she knew that was going to have to change because Santana was going to see them together at the party. Something about talking to the person you're still hopelessly in love with about your current relationship, always felt incredibly uncomfortable for Brittany. Maybe she was worried that Santana would be able to see through it all.</p><hr/><p>As the 24th rolled around, Brittany was applying the finishing touches to her makeup in her childhood bedroom when her mom appeared at the door.</p><p>"So, you said Sam is picking you up?" Whitney questioned.</p><p>"Mm-hm" Brittany nodded casually, not taking her eyes off the mirror, knowing exactly where Whitney was going with this.</p><p>"He's a nice boy Sam, I always liked him…"</p><p>"Yeah, he is" Brittany said, waiting for her mom to stop playing this game and just ask her directly.</p><p>"You seem to be spending a lot of time with him lately…"</p><p>"Mom just cut to the chase already." Brittany sighed. She didn't mean to sound so frustrated but her mom's constant hinting over the years about Brittany settling down with someone had really ground her down. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap. Yes, Sam and I are dating again" she admitted.</p><p>Whitney exclaimed in joy, the exact reaction Brittany was expecting.</p><p>"Mom just calm down! It very early days" Brittany hissed, trying to shush her excitable mother.</p><p>"Just wait until I tell your father! He is going to be <em>so </em>happy!" Whitney clapped her hands together, before running down the stairs to find her husband, leaving a bemused Brittany to finish getting ready.</p><p>Well at least that was her parents in the know. Clearly Sam wanted them to find out about them dating too, because when he arrived at Brittany's house he made sure to knock on the door and come in to wait for her, rather than beeping his horn and waiting in the car.</p><p>The Pierce's were lapping it up.</p><p>"This is exactly how it should have been for your prom, with Sam picking you up like this and waiting in the hallway for you to appear. I love Santana like a second daughter but I can't believe you edged away from prom tradition that night" said Whitney, as Brittany shot her a look.</p><p>"Mom that was almost 12 years ago!"</p><p>When they got to the party they went their separate ways, with Brittany making a beeline for Santana and Sam heading off to speak to Mike. Ashley always invited everybody she knew to this party, but it was hit and miss who'd actually make it now they all lead adult lives. Santana had attended a couple of them, but a lot of the time she'd be spending Christmas Eve with Mila. This year Mila was spending Christmas Eve with Puck, with him returning her early the next morning so she could spend the rest of the holiday with her mom. Brittany's attendance depended on whether or not she was in Lima or New York for Christmas, and Sam hadn't made it to one since High School. Now he was dating Brittany and she was going, he was keen to join, excited to see his old school friends. This year had been a great turnout, and Ashley was milling around buzzing off the excitement. Even Artie Abrams had made an appearance, and Brittany inwardly laughed when she saw him, because she forgot all about how she briefly dated him for a hot minute until she spotted him at the other side of the room. She claimed at the time "he'd broken her heart".</p><p><em>"If only that's what real heartbreak felt like"</em> Brittany laughed to herself.</p><p>Ashley's excitement was only further amplified, when she handed out the invitations to her wedding, the date finally set for Valentine's Date next year.</p><p>"It's a bit last minute no? Aren't you supposed to send out invitations long before the wedding, not just 2 months away?" Santana whispered.</p><p>"I mean, it's Ashley. It doesn't surprise me" Brittany laughed "she probably just expects everyone to be free to attend her wedding, because in her eyes it'll be event of the year"</p><p>Santana nodded her head in agreement. They loved Ashley, but she was so over the top and extravagant with all these large parties and events she was always hosting.</p><p>"I'm sure it <em>will</em> be event of the year as well. No expense faired. I mean if you ask me, it's my idea of hell. All I want is small and low-key" said Santana.</p><p>"Yeah me too." Brittany agreed, and she wondered if Santana and Dani had discussed marriage. The latter's absence didn't go unnoticed by Brittany tonight, and decided to carefully broach the subject.</p><p>"No Dani tonight?"</p><p>Santana shook her head.</p><p>"No, she's spending the evening with her mom, just the two of them. I totally get it. Since Dan's dad died, she's always spent Christmas Eve with her so that her mom doesn't feel lonely. It hits more at Christmas. I'd be with my mom too if she wasn't spending the night with Pablo and Sarah."</p><p>It wasn't a lie. Dani did say she was going to spend Christmas with her mom. But Santana knew there was an unspoken agreement that Dani wouldn't show up tonight, in a situation where there was a lot of alcohol. Neither of them wanted a repeat of the funeral, and if there was any hope of their relationship getting back on track, Dani wouldn't be here tonight.</p><p>Brittany squeezed Santana's hand, silently acknowledging that it was Santana's first Christmas without her own dad and letting her know she was there for her, and Santana swallowed her emotions before they could creep up on her.</p><p>"Anyway, what about you and Sam? You two looked pretty cosy tonight…"</p><p>Brittany chewed her lip as she thought about how she was going to tell Santana. She didn't know why she found it so hard to just come out and say it. Sam and Brittany had mingled with the other party guests, not being the type to stick to each other's sides like glue all night. But the little touches they'd shared, the looks, the way Sam would come over when Brittany needed a top up and fill her glass for her, the fact they had arrived together. Anyone with eyes could see that <em>something </em>was going on.</p><p>And as Santana awaited the answer, she prayed Brittany would laugh it off and say they were just good friends, because she knew from all the time they were spending together in New York that they were definitely getting closer in some way.</p><p>"Oh yeah I mean…we've reconnected somewhat, but it's still early days" Brittany smiled awkwardly.</p><p>She had played the relationship down slightly, and she didn't fully know why, but the truth was that it was early days still. She didn't want to go into detail or have people questioning their future when she didn't even know herself. She was just going to have to see how it all panned out, and people would find out as she did.</p><p>Thankful that Santana hadn't asked any more questions, they moved over to the drinks table to top up their drinks, Brittany completely unaware of the conflicts going on inside Santana's head.</p><p>Santana didn't fully know what was going on with Brittany and Sam, but all she knew is that it was something, and while she could be happy for Brit if it meant she was happy, she didn't want to hear any more about it for now.</p><hr/><p>Christmas had been and gone in a flash, and suddenly it was New Year's Eve. 2019 hadn't been Santana's best year, and she sure hoped 2020 would be better. Come to think of it, she was actually rather glad to see the back of 2019. She planned on spending the evening alone with a bottle of wine, and she didn't mind it that way. She was never a big fan of New Year's Eve anyway, it always made her feel some type of way, like she was under accomplished and hadn't achieved enough in the year. Puck had asked to bring Mila to a family party, complaining she didn't get to see his side of the family enough. Usually Mila wouldn't stay with Puck twice in a week, but it was the holidays, and Mila seemed willing to go to the party, so Santana let her go. Dani was working, which wasn't uncommon for her being that this was one of the busiest nights of the year hospitality wise. Santana's only plan for the day was meeting Quinn for lunch, and she was quite content with that.</p><p>She walked into the hotel to find Quinn at the check-in desk. Usually she was in the back office, but it was a busy day for them, so she guessed Quinn was overseeing everything.</p><p>"Hey! So listen, about tonight…" Quinn started, before Santana interrupted her.</p><p>"Quinn, no. I've already told you I'm not going to that party tonight. You'll have a great time, I'm sure, but I'm quite content on a night in just to myself with Kate, Leo and my good friend Mrs Cab Sauv"</p><p>"No, I wasn't talking about that. Come look" said Quinn, gesturing for Santana to come behind the desk while it was quiet, and pointing to the computer screen. "Do you know The Blackwell Inn, in Columbus?"</p><p>"Yeah, that's where Dani took me for my birthday when we were first getting together. She asked me to make it official there actually"</p><p>"Well, they just joined our group, so I was checking everything on the system before it goes live, and I happened to find this booking…" smiled Quinn, gesturing towards the computer.</p><p>"Booking for Danielle Sanchez" Santana frowned in confusion as she read "The Presidential Suite…for tonight…"</p><p>Quinn grinned as she watched the realisation dawn on Santana.</p><p>"Oh my God!" Santana squealed "Do you think!?"</p><p>"Yes!" Quinn answered, knowing what was on Santana's mind "She's <em>totally </em>surprising you with a romantic hotel stay just the two of you to bring the new year in at the hotel you first got together in. How <em>cute</em> is that!?"</p><p>"I had absolute no idea! She told me she was working!"</p><p>"I know. And Santana I know how much you hate surprises sometimes because you're such a control freak, so when I found it, I thought I'd give you a heads up. So please <em>try</em> and look surprised"</p><p>"I can't believe she's done this" Santana smiled to herself "I didn't know she had it in her to be this romantic. Or maybe I just forgot..."</p><p>After so many disagreements about Dani not spending as much time at home anymore, Santana was genuinely touched that she had gone to the effort to plan this for her. She really was putting the effort in to make things better recently, and Santana appreciated her for that. Maybe 2020 was going to be her year after all.</p><p>She was pulled out of her thoughts by her phone ringing, her stomach flipping in a way that it hadn't in ages when she saw Dani's name flash up. She imagined she was calling her to execute the surprise.</p><p>"It's her!" Santana shrieked excitedly, as Quinn jumped up and down clapping her hands in excitement. Quinn Fabray <em>loved</em> a bit of romance, especially when it involved two of her friends.</p><p>She looked on in anticipation as Santana stepped to the side to take the call.</p><p>"Hey baby" Santana purred.</p><p>"Hi gorgeous. Listen I'm not going to finish up here until pretty late tonight but I'm going to go straight to my mom's afterwards so I can be there when she wakes up. You know the holidays can be pretty rough"</p><p>Santana frowned. How could this be part of the plan? How could Dani spin this around to her suddenly being free tonight and whisking her off to Columbus. Was it all part of the surprise?</p><p>"Babe?" Dani pressed, breaking Santana out of her thoughts after a long silence.</p><p>"Yeah. Yeah, sorry I'm here."</p><p>"I'm going to be pretty hectic later, and the lines are going to get busy, so I just wanna wish you a happy new year now before everything gets crazy."</p><p>Santana swallowed, her mind swirling with panic.</p><p>"I love you" said Dani.</p><p>"Yeah, yeah you too" Santana managed, trying as best she could to hold it all together.</p><p>"I'll see you tomorrow gorgeous."</p><p>"Yeah…see you then" said Santana, hanging up the phone.</p><p>She didn't know how Dani hadn't picked up on her change in mood, but at this point she didn't really care. She turned to Quinn, who was staring at her with a questioning look.</p><p>"Check the booking."</p><p>"Here it is" Quinn shook her head, confused "Presidential Suite for two, checked in…2 hours ago"</p><p>She turned to Santana, and her face said it all. It was obvious what was going on here.</p><p>"Oh Santana…I'm so sorry" said Quinn, raising her palm to her mouth in the realisation of what was going through Santana's mind.</p><p>But Santana was emotionless, as she clenched her jaw, staring ahead in determination.</p><p>"You know what? I think I need to go ahead and pay our new hotel a visit. I haven't had chance to see it in person yet, if you want to come for the ride" said Quinn, and Santana threw her a thankful look. Nobody was going to screw her over like this.</p><p>"I think that's a great idea actually" Santana smiled firmly "Let's go."</p><hr/><p>2 hours later, they were situated at the bar of The Blackwell Inn, a drink a-piece to calm their nerves. Santana sure as hell needed it right now. A red wine for Santana, and a gin &amp; tonic for Quinn. She wasn't exactly sure what her next step was, but all she knew was that by being here she felt empowered, and she needed to catch Dani out.</p><p>She wouldn't have to wait much longer because suddenly Quinn was tapping her arm ferociously.</p><p>"Santana! Over there! Look!" she hissed, pointing to the entrance to the bar.</p><p>Sure enough, there was Santana's cheating girlfriend.</p><p>"Wooooow" Santana said "Just when you think it can't get any better. It does. It really can't get any better than this" she laughed sarcastically.</p><p>Because not only was Dani quite obviously cheating on Santana, she was cheating on her with Marissa. Somebody that Santana actually knew as Dani's friend. Somebody that Dani went out with all the time, Santana thinking nothing of it, completely trusting the situation because just because Marissa was gay didn't mean she'd be attracted to Dani or that Dani would be attracted to her. And even if they were, Dani wouldn't cheat right? Wrong. Now she felt like an idiot.</p><p>She kept her cool, and simply watched them walk hand-in-hand towards the bar. She didn't look away once, as she watched Dani all happy and animated as she ordered a round of drinks for herself and Marissa. It was a Dani she sure hadn't seen in a long time. That's when it happened. Dani looked up to be greeted by the faces of a deeply disappointed Quinn and a contemptuous Santana. Dani's own smile dropped, and she realised she had been caught, as Santana and Dani's brown eyes stayed locked together.</p><p>Dani went to open her mouth, but Santana shook her head.</p><p>Not now. Not here.</p><p>She began to walk off, not wanting her emotions to spill out when she heard Dani running behind her.</p><p>"Santana wait!" she cried desperately, Quinn following close by to make sure Santana was okay.</p><p>And Santana couldn't stop her rage. She spun around to face Dani and poured her red wine all over her white dress, as Dani's mouth dropped open in shock and Quinn stifled a laugh.</p><p><em>Nobody</em>, messes with Santana Lopez.</p><hr/><p>The first day of 2020. The start of a new year. The start of a 365 page blank page book. Unbeknownst to Santana and Brittany, it would turn out to be their happiest year yet, which is funny considering both of their years began on such different pages.</p><p>But the two of them were always so Yin and Yang. Brittany the calm to Santana's panic, Santana the wise to Brittany's innocence. <em>Always</em> in love but never on the same page, it was only a sign of the times that their first day of the new year would end up like this.</p><p>Yin and Yang; inseparable and contradictory opposites.</p><p>If Yin is stronger, Yang will be weaker. But eventually, both sides would pull together to find that perfect balance and become two halves that complete. When Yang is strongest it contains Yin, when Yin is strongest it contains Yang.</p><p>Throughout their whole journey, Santana and Brittany had rode through the waves of life, both of them going through their fair share of heartbreak over the years and the other one always being there to help them through it.</p><p>With Yin being lightness, and Yang being darkness, both girls had been through both experiences.</p><p>Sometimes Santana was Yang while Brittany was Yin, like when she broke up with Dani and was ready to tell Brittany how she felt about her, only for Brittany to move away to the other side of the world. Then Puck returned into her life and forced her into a custody battle, and she lost sight of everything.</p><p>Sometimes Brittany was Yang while Santana was Yin, like when she watched Santana come out and meet Dani and had to watch from the side lines. When her life felt like it was tumbling, and she lost her boyfriend and her baby in the space of a year.</p><p>It constantly flipped. But right now, on January 1st 2020, Santana's situation could not have been more Yang to Brittany's Yin.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Yang</strong>
</p><p>She and Dani needed to talk; Santana knew that. So, when Dani had asked to come home so they could do just that, Santana had agreed. There was so much she wanted to say to Dani, but now she was here in front of her, she didn't know where to begin.</p><p>"How did you find out where I was?" Dani asked weakly.</p><p>"Well if you actually did your research into the hotels you're having sex in, you'd know that hotel recently joined Quinn's chain. She found the booking and we thought you were surprising me. Then we spoke on the phone and it was obviously <em>so</em> not the case"</p><p>"Santana, I don't even know what to say to you…"</p><p>"Well how about you start at the beginning" Santana said sternly "Liiiike…with how you started sleeping with one of your best friends behind your girlfriends back"</p><p>Dani looked down and swallowed.</p><p>"How long has it been going on for?"</p><p>Dani drew her breath.</p><p>"A few months" she admitted, forcing herself to look Santana in the eye.</p><p>"Oh. Oh well that figures!" Santana laughed sarcastically. "Now I <em>really </em>know why you've been so distant the past few months. Why you've been going out all the time. All those times you were working, or spending time with your mom on Christmas Eve. Was that the truth? Or was that just an excuse so you could be with Marissa?"</p><p>Dani looked down, her eyes filling with tears.</p><p>"Actually, don't answer that!" Santana cut in "I don't think I even want to hear it."</p><p>"Santana I'm <em>so</em> sorry. Really, I am. I…"</p><p>Santana put her hand up to stop Dani. She wasn't ready for her apologies. Not yet anyway. The two of them sat in a tension filled silence until Santana spoke again.</p><p>"You know, when I realised you had booked a hotel with someone and that you were definitely cheating on me, I thought it was going to just be a one-time thing. Just another of your messy things that you'd talk your way out of or blame on grief. I didn't think for one minute you'd be having a whole ass affair. That it would be more than just sex. That you'd actually pick someone over me".</p><p>"I didn't <em>want</em> to pick someone over you Santana. I wanted you. But do you realise how hard it is to love you, knowing how completely and utterly in love you are with someone else? Knowing that I'm only really a stopgap. A substitution for the one person you love and can't have"</p><p>Santana was caught off guard at that, and she bit her lip.</p><p>"So, you're saying I'm hard to love?" Santana asked, her insecurities rising to the surface.</p><p>"I loved you Santana. I still do. But clearly sometimes, love just isn't enough. You're not hard to love, maybe I worded that wrong. But it's <em>lonely</em> to love you when you feel like you're not getting the same energy back. And I don't want to keep bringing things back to my dad, but you know how much I struggled with that and still do, and I know you were a great support and you cared for me through it all. But knowing that no matter what you'd never love me as much as you love…<em>her, </em>just made it all seem so much harder".</p><p>"But why didn't you talk to me about any of this? That's what couples do. They have issues, they work things out. They talk. And I tried to get you to open up so many times, but you just pushed me away"</p><p>"I know" Dani admitted "And part of that was guilt because of everything with Marissa, but before any of that, pushing you away was just easier. Easier than giving everything to you and knowing you could never give me the same back. But at the same time, I loved you and I loved the family we'd built and…I didn't want to lose that. So, I clung on to you, but when Marissa was there and I was her first option and not just her second, I couldn't say no to that either. It's a mess and it's complicated- I know. I don't expect you to understand".</p><p>But weirdly enough, Santana did understand. She felt the anger wilting away and she found herself actually feeling sorry for Dani. She could almost see her own actions reflecting in her. Desperately seeking love from somebody else when you're not getting it from the person you love the most, sounded pretty familiar to her.</p><p>"Do you love Marissa?" Santana asked, and Dani shrugged.</p><p>"I don't know. I never really let myself think about it because I always loved you. Like I said…it's complicated. She makes me feel happy, I suppose there is that, but I don't know about love. I'm sorry, I don't know what answer would have been the best one for you to hear there, but that's the honest one"</p><p>"The honest one is all I wanted" Santana smiled weakly.</p><p>"It started out purely physical, but I guess as we were friends', emotions did become part of it. And I guess I could open up to her a lot about my dad, so the emotions grew more because of that. I physically cheated on you and…I'm not proud of that. But I think, if we're being honest here, you've been emotionally cheating on me with Brittany for our whole relationship".</p><p>Santana nodded, taking everything in that Dani was saying. She might not have wanted to admit it but, Dani had a fair point.</p><p>"I wish you'd have just told me how you felt instead of doing <em>all this </em>behind my back but, I guess in some weird, fucked up way…I actually understand" said Santana, as Dani raised her eyebrows in surprise.</p><p>"I never wanted to hurt you Santana, it just…got out of hand. I'm not in the best place right now and haven't been in a long time, I know that. And we both know our relationship wasn't in the best place either".</p><p>Santana nodded, choosing her words carefully.</p><p>"Thank you for being real with me. Can I be real with you for a second and tell you what I've been trying to say to you for a while now? Something you'd never let me say because you shut me off?"</p><p>Dani nodded and looked down; she knew what was coming.</p><p>"I think…" Santana began, going against her instinct to reach for Dani's hand "I think you need some help. I've watched the way you're struggling with grief, and I don't think you're dealing with it in a healthy way. When you bottle it up like that or drink away the pain, you become a person that I don't even recognise" she admitted, giving Dani's hand a squeeze before pulling away.</p><p>Dani listened, tears trickling down her face as she finally accepted Santana's words.</p><p>"And Dani, it's not a bad thing to need a little help at a time like this. <em>I </em>personally think that everybody could benefit from a little therapy. We've all got skeletons. What you went through is really rough, and there's nothing at all wrong with speaking to someone about the impact it had on you and how best to handle your emotions going forward".</p><p>"Well you lost your dad, and you seem to be dealing with it okay"</p><p>"Yes but, I'm not you. Everybody handles grief in different ways, it has no rules. There's no right or wrong way. And I might be doing okay now but who's to say that's going to be the same 3 to 6 months down the line? It could all change at any time. I just want you to do what's best for you, and to know that it's okay to seek help".</p><p>Dani nodded, and Santana could tell that for once, she was actually taking it in and not being defensive. Unlike Brittany, her and Dani were actually pretty alike. Maybe that was why ultimately, they were never going to be together forever. Opposites attract.</p><p>"Wow" Dani laughed slightly, wiping her tears "I think that's the most honest conversation that we've had in our whole relationship".</p><p>"I think you're right" Santana laughed.</p><p>"Can I be honest with you about something now?" Dani asked.</p><p>"Sure…fire away" said Santana, unsure what Dani was going to say here.</p><p>"You should go after Brittany. Clearly, she's the person you love and want to be with, and you're going to spend the rest of your life utterly miserable if you don't do something about it. You'll find some other girl, and you'll try and force yourself to be happy and fall in love with her, but it won't work. And I'm saying this as someone who witnessed it first-hand and tried for years to believe you could forget about her and be happy with me. But you can't. I know it, and you know it, and you're only going to regret it if you don't pursue her. You should know from your dad passing that life is too short. Don't let fear get in the way of something that can be your biggest happiness."</p><p>Dani stood in silence, letting Santana fully absorb what she had said. After years of trying to suppress the truth, it was hard for her to come out and actively encourage Santana to chase Brittany. But she knew for Santana, it was really her only route to happiness, and she at least deserved that.</p><p>And Dani didn't need to verbalise the unsaid. It was obvious they were over. They were over a long time ago and this conversation was a long time coming. They both could have saved themselves a whole lot of hurt, but they were here now, brutal honesties rising to the surface.</p><p>"I know we have a lot to sort out, but for now I'll just pack an overnight bag with a few things, go crash at my mom's for a few days. When you tell Mila can you…well can you go gentle on me? I don't want her to hate me"</p><p>"Of course. Dani, Mila loves you. You've been a big part of her life for almost 6 years now, and just because we're not together anymore doesn't mean you can't still be a part of it. The way I see it, the more people in her life the better"</p><p>"I really appreciate that" Dani smiled, and she retreated upstairs to pack her bag.</p><p>When she had done, she said goodbye and headed out of the door, turning back to face Santana one last time.</p><p>"Happy New Year Santana, here's to both of us making 2020 a good year and taking what we've said to each other on board"</p><p>And when Dani had left Santana said cast her mind back over the past 24 hours and her newly single status and rolled her eyes with a shake of her head.</p><p>"Yep. Happy fucking New Year"</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Yin</strong>
</p><p>It had been a nice day to start the year for Brittany. She had woken up feeling slightly fragile from Blaine's New Year's Eve party the night before, that Kurt had insisted she came to, eager at the chance to finally introduce his best friend to his boyfriend. Sam had come along too, but as usual had woken up hangover free, it was a trait that she despised him for. Why couldn't she drink as much as he did and pay no consequences?</p><p>Being hangover free meant Sam had encouraged them to step out into the cold New York air for a walk around Central Park. Brittany had objected at first, because she just wanted to spend the day in her PJs watching movies, but Sam had persisted. In the end, Brittany enjoyed the walk, and it actually made her feel better.</p><p>Now they were sitting watching Titanic.</p><p>"This is Santana's favourite movie y'know". Brittany pointed out.</p><p>"Mm-hm" Sam nodded.</p><p>He seemed awfully distracted, but Brittany figured he was probably bored. Maybe he just didn't like Kate and Leo.</p><p>"How long's left?" Sam asked.</p><p>"Erm…let me check" said Brittany, reaching for the remote "Still another hour yet".</p><p>"Okay, I'm turning it off" said Sam, and he reached for the remote and did just that.</p><p>"Hey! I was watching that…" Brittany began, but Sam interrupted.</p><p>"I think I love you."</p><p>The statement took Brittany completely by surprise and she didn't know how to react.</p><p>"Okay…" she laughed nervously.</p><p>Before she could even process it anymore, Sam bent down in front of her and immediately pulled out a box, popping the lid open to reveal a ring.</p><p>"Oh my God! Are you proposing?" Brittany cupped her hands to her mouth.</p><p>Sam smiled up at her.</p><p>"Sam…we've only been dating for like 5 weeks. Stand up, you're freaking me out!"</p><p>"I know. Look I know this is fast but just hear me out. You were…my first love, first time, first heartbreak, first everything. And in all those years we weren't together, I still thought of you. Now we've found ourselves in each other's lives again and, I've never been so sure of anything, that you're the person I want to spend the rest of my time with."</p><p>"Sam, this is crazy…"</p><p>"I'm a guy who goes after something I want when I see it because…life's short, and I don't wanna go with regrets. Call me crazy but, I know the way I've felt about you for years now, not just 5 weeks. But the 5 weeks we've had together have only amplified that. I don't have long left in New York before I'm on the road again, and I want to know when I'm out there, that I'm tied to you in some way. That you're mine forever."</p><p>"But people will think we're insane. We literally only just got back together"</p><p>"Who cares!? I don't. The Brittany I know doesn't care what other people think either. This is only going to happen for us later down the line, so why wait? Why do what 'normal people' do and wait around for years when we could just shoot straight for the happy ending? I personally couldn't think of a better way to start the new year, than asking you to do life with me forever. We're not high school kids anymore Brit. We're pushing 30, we've seen the world and we know what we want. For me that's a future with you, and lots of blonde children running around, inevitably turning our blonde hair grey. So…what do you say?"</p><p>It was the mention of children that stopped Brittany in her tracks. Ever since she lost Little Poppy, she yearned to be a mother. She was only 29 but, she always had those worries that she wouldn't meet the right person and that her maternal clock was ticking. Especially when she always thought that right person was Santana, and she was just never coming. Maybe Sam was right. Why wait? She had lived her life waiting in the shadows for years, maybe it was time to step out and actually live it for once, choosing happiness, even if it did mean doing something slightly crazy and marrying a man she had only been back together with for 5 weeks.</p><p>With the image of three perfect blonde children heavy on her mind, Brittany found herself spluttering out the words she thought she'd never say.</p><p>"Okay" she laughed uncertainly.</p><p>"Okay?"</p><p>"Okay" Brittany clarified, and she laughed again as Sam stood up and punched the air in triumph. He was such a dork.</p><p>He pulled Brittany in for a kiss, and she couldn't help but smile into it, pushing any doubts firmly out of her mind.</p><p>"Happy New Year, my wife-to-be"</p><p>"Happy New Year, Sam".</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Chapter 40</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>AN: Happy Christmas Eve all! Hope you're ready for the big one tomorrow :)</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Take that double meaning as you will...</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Santana tapped her fingers against her mug as she waited for Dani to arrive and pick up more of her stuff. She hadn't seen or spoken to in a week, apart from to arrange Dani coming this evening. Her phone buzzed, and she smiled when she saw it was Brittany.</p><p>
  <strong>You holding up okay angel? Call me afterwards and let me know how it went xx</strong>
</p><p>As always, Brittany had been a great support to Santana when she had told her about everything that had gone down with Dani. Truth be told, she was fine though. It was a little sad that it had come to this, but really finding out about Dani's cheating just prematurely ended a relationship that was going to end anyway. Santana knew it was only a matter of time where she was going to detach herself from the family setup she'd created, the fear of judgement from family and friends and the worry of upsetting Mila, to actually break up with Dani and chase happiness. It had been on the horizon a long time and Dani's affair had just brought it to the surface earlier. It was almost a blessing in disguise.</p><p>She hurriedly typed back her response to Brittany before hearing the doorbell chime. It was Dani. It was sad that she was now ringing the bell to gain access into a house that was half hers, but Santana could only see today as a positive. A new start for both of them, that they so sorely needed.</p><hr/><p>Brittany's phone sounded, signalling Santana's response, a smile creeping on to her face as it always did when she was texting Santana. The action didn't go unnoticed by her fiancé.</p><p>"Who is it?" Sam smiled.</p><p>"Santana." Said Brittany, returning the smile.</p><p>"Have you told her yet?" Sam asked curiously, causing Brittany to sigh slightly.</p><p>"No, not yet. I think it'll be best coming from me in person when we go to Lima at the weekend" she said earnestly.</p><p>She really wasn't sure how Santana was going to react to the news that she was so suddenly engaged. As well as the fact Santana had just broke up with her girlfriend, meaning Brittany felt guilty spreading her own joy, Santana had always been so protective of Brittany, and Brittany was sure she'd think she was being ridiculous for jumping into something so quick. Not only that, she needed to tell her parents. As happy as they were that Brittany was back with Sam, and as much as they'd been waiting for her to settle down for years, she couldn't imagine they'd mean <em>this</em> quick. The engagement was undoubtedly going to shock them, especially when they found out how quick they were planning to get married. So, they had made the decision to go back to Lima at the weekend and tell everybody then, including the Evans family. Brittany figured it would be much better coming from her and Sam in person.</p><p>Sensing Sam's disappointment, knowing how eager he was to shout it to the world that they were getting married, she leaned over and kissed his cheek.</p><p>"Just 3 more days, then everyone will know and be able to celebrate with us".</p><hr/><p>"Well I think I got everything I need for now." Dani said, glancing around</p><p>"If you have forgotten anything, just let me know and I'll drop it round." Santana smiled; glad they could be civil about this. "How are you holding up?"</p><p>"Yeah, I'm okay. It is, what it is. It's been good for me to stay with my mom actually. We've done a lot of talking. And…I made the first steps towards speaking to someone about dealing with everything, the drinking, all of that…"</p><p>"That's amazing news Dani. I'm really happy for you." Santana said sincerely, pleased her words had got through to the girl at last.</p><p>An awkward silence formed around then, and Dani took that as her cue.</p><p>"Well, I should get going. But before I do, you need to read this" Dani swallowed, pressing an envelope into Santana's hand.</p><p>Santana looked down in confusion at the torn envelope addressed to herself and stared back up at Dani with a questioning frown.</p><p>"It came for you a couple of months ago. I opened it and I hid it from you. It was wrong of me, I know, and I'm really sorry. But…you have it now. Use it wisely." said Dani.</p><p>Santana was so confused; she had no idea what Dani was talking about.</p><p>"Goodbye Santana" Dani said, picking up the box in front of her and heading out, leaving a bewildered Santana standing there.</p><p>She closed the door behind her and headed into the lounge, tracing her finger around the writing on the front. She knew that writing. It belonged to Brittany. She removed the letter and carefully unfolded it, as she began to read it aloud.</p><p>
  <strong>Santana,</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>You deserve someone who loves you with every beat of her heart. Someone who will always be there for you and Mila, and who will love every part of you, especially your flaws.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I know Mila has bonded with Dani, and being the amazing mom you are, that might impact the choices you make. But I want you to be truthful to yourself in how happy you really are in this situation. I don't want to intrude, and if this is all wrong just ignore it and I promise I'll never broach the subject again.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Dani's not the girl for you Santana.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Too many times I've let you slip through my fingers. Let's stop being afraid and take the chance. I know now I can make you happy.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I love you Santana. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else in this world. All I know about you and I is that, because of that, I think anything's possible.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>And the truth is, I don't remember a time I haven't felt like this about you.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I won't make things awkward by bringing this up. I'll act normal unless told otherwise.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>But…let me know if you feel the same way.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Love, Brittany</strong>
</p><p>She found herself nodding along with every word, agreeing with everything that Brittany was saying. It was as if Brittany had climbed into her body and delivered the words from her own heart.</p><p>As she came to the end of the letter, Santana had tears flowing freely down her cheeks.</p><p>"Oh my God" she said aloud. "Fuck. This can't be real?"</p><p>She loved her back? Her beautiful, innocent Brittany, who was everything good in this miserable world, actually loved her back.</p><p>Her heart was intensely hammering against her rib cage, and she couldn't stop the smile that flooded on her face. It was the type of delirious happiness that made Santana want to run out into the street and jump and shout. A sob escaped her, and it was quickly replaced by an incredulous laugh. She couldn't believe that after all this time, Brittany, <em>her</em> Brittany, felt the same way as she did. She turned to the notice board full of memories, her eyes homing in on a photo of her and Brittany from Sophomore year of high school, smiling close together in their Cheerios uniform.</p><p><em>"She loved me all the way back then" </em>Santana thought to herself.</p><p>A number of emotions surged through her body.</p><p>Surprise. Elation. Shock. Disbelief. Excitement. Relief.</p><p>She should have been furious with Dani for keeping this from her for 2 months, but she was far too happy to care.</p><p>Fear had held her back for far too long to go for her dream, but not anymore. There was no more time to waste and she frantically searched about for her phone and hit the FaceTime button.</p><p>She was finally going to tell Brittany <em>everything</em>, and let her know just how much she loved her, and how really, she was the only person that had ever held her heart.</p><p>"Pick up! Pick up!" she urged, impatiently waiting for Brittany's face to appear.</p><p>She heard the chime signalling the call had been answered, but when the picture appeared, she wasn't greeted by the face she loved so much, but someone else instead.</p><p>"Sam?" she frowned.</p><p>"Hey Santana"</p><p>"Why are you…I mean, what are you doing there?" she asked, observing the backdrop. He was obviously at Brittany's apartment. How much time were they spending together exactly?</p><p>"I live here now. I moved in…" Sam frowned. Hadn't Brittany even told Santana that?</p><p>Santana opened and closed her mouth in shock like a fish and shook her head to rid it of the confusion. Moved in since when? She knew that Brittany was seeing him again, but she didn't think it was <em>that</em> serious. Brittany was always seeing someone new.</p><p>"Oh. Well…is Brit there?" she asked, trying to keep her tone calm. Although she wasn't entirely sure how she was going to make her big confession now that Sam was there. It reminded her of the time she had showed up at Brittany's house to tell her the news about NYU and had been greeted by a half-naked Sam instead. Afterwards, she had gone straight to the Pharmacy after throwing up again and found out she was pregnant. The only source of comfort being the rude girl who worked there, who now happened to be one her best friends, Quinn. She couldn't help but think about how things could have been so different that day if Sam hadn't been there. She probably would have thrown up while in Brittany's house, and they would have gone to the Pharmacy and found out about Santana's pregnancy together.</p><p>So many things could have been different over the years, but Santana couldn't even let herself think about all that right now.</p><p>"Brittany" Sam called "Santana is here on the phone".</p><p>She waited in an awkward silence for Brittany to appear. Luckily, she didn't have to wait long. She could tell by the look on Brit's face that she was nervous and almost guilty looking, knowing Santana had likely just found out about their living arrangements.</p><p>"Santana…hi!" Brittany said, her tone completely giving her away, as if she had been caught out.</p><p>Santana didn't want Brittany to feel like that, or to feel like she was judging her, but she had to wonder why Brittany hadn't told her she'd made such a big step.</p><p>"Baby?" Sam turned to Brittany, and Santana immediately felt her blood run cold at the pet name, "While she's here, why don't you ask her that <em>thing</em> we were talking about?" Sam whispered.</p><p>Brittany looked unsure, and Santana frowned, as she wondered what "thing" they could possibly be talking about. She hadn't signed up for a FaceTime call to watch them drool all over one another.</p><p>Encouraged by Sam, Brittany spoke out.</p><p>"Erm…Sam and me, er. We…we thought why hang around, you know. So…we've been organising the whole thing and of course your name come up to be my…" Brittany paused, unable to get the words out, while Santana pursed her lips in the upmost confusion. She had no idea what Brittany was rambling on about.</p><p>Sam laughed and shook his head at Brittany, before taking her hand and doing it for her, holding it up to the camera and showing off the ring.</p><p>"I asked Brittany to marry me last week and…she said yes! And she wants you to be her maid of honour"</p><p>There it was. That feeling of the air being sucked out of Santana. Something she should have probably felt when she found out Dani was cheating on her, but instead she was feeling it now, on hearing that the love of her life who actually loved her back was suddenly and ever so quickly getting married to someone else.</p><p>This wasn't how the movie was supposed to end.</p><p>What was it with them, where they couldn't just have their happiness? It felt like this was finally it, and now yet another hurdle. Santana couldn't believe it. It felt like an out of body experience.</p><p>She realised she hadn't said anything, and she had zoned out, until she came back to her senses and was met with Brittany's worried face and Sam's confused one.</p><p>"I…wow. Wow that's…that's so great! It's amazing, honestly. Congratulations!" she forced out, her eyes suddenly glassy with unshed tears, and she hoped Brittany and Sam would put it down to happiness as they began to spill down her cheeks.</p><p>"All because of you Santana! You told me to come here and seek Brittany out again, and I did, and now we're going to spend the rest of our lives together" Sam beamed, staring at Brittany adoringly.</p><p>Hearing that felt like a genuine stab to the heart. Why had life played her like this? Why would it make her fall in love with Brittany, then elate her with the idea that Brittany felt the same, before ripping her away again. Sending her into the arms of another man, with the actions caused only by herself. It felt like the cruellest form of torment.</p><p>Brittany hadn't said a word and looked very conflicted. Santana knew what would be going through her head. She would be worrying about Santana's reaction at the fact she hadn't told her straight away, when usually they told each other everything. While that did go through Santana's mind, and she was concerned at how quick Brittany was doing this, it was the least of her upset right now. It was the fact Brittany was marrying somebody else that was killing her, knowing that if she'd said something earlier, this wouldn't have happened.</p><p>"Well…that's awesome news guys, and I'd really love to sit here and carry on talking about it with you, but I gotta go pick Mila up from my mom's. But, congratulations again, and…I'll speak to you later" Santana spluttered, itching to get off the phone so she could let her feelings out.</p><p>After some quick goodbyes, with Brittany looking increasingly concerned by Santana's reaction, Santana went upstairs and let it all out as she curled up in a ball on her bed and cried. Mila really was with her mom tonight, but she was lying about having to go pick her up. She was staying there for the night, and Santana couldn't be more thankful, because she needed to be alone so she could have a good cry.</p><p>The feeling of having Brittany dangled in front of her like a carrot only to have her snatched away moments later was worse than thinking Brittany didn't love her.</p><p>It was now that she could feel angry about Dani hiding the letter. If she'd received it two months ago when intended, things could be so different. No wonder Brittany had moved on so fast with Sam, she probably thought Santana just didn't love her back and that she'd ignored her. Like Santana would <em>ever</em> do that, even if she didn't feel the same way.</p><p>She wanted to call Dani up and scream at her, but she didn't. She lay weak on her bed and cried. This couldn't all be pinned on Dani. She should have plucked up the courage to say how she really felt <em>years</em> ago.</p><p>Now Brittany was going to belong to somebody else forever, and Santana only had herself to blame. She lay weeping all night, thinking about all those missed opportunities, chastising herself for not being brave enough to own up to her feelings.</p><p>There was nothing she could do now. That invisible string she had always believed to be there between them, had officially snapped.</p><hr/><p>The next morning, Santana was awoken by the doorbell. She rubbed the sleep from her swollen eyes, extremely groggy from her lack of sleep. The bell rang again.</p><p>"Okay, okay! I'm coming!" Santana yelled, slipping on her robe and trudging down the stairs with a sigh.</p><p>When she opened it, she was surprised to see Brittany standing there, looking adorable as ever and all wrapped up in her winter clothes. Blonde hair hanging in loose curls, the way Santana loved it the most.</p><p>Santana swallowed and closed her eyes to compose herself. She couldn't do this right now. How could she stand and be normal in front of her after everything? Why wasn't she in New York. She plastered on her best fake smile, gritting her teeth in the process.</p><p>"Brittany, what are you doing here?"</p><p>"Can I come in?" Brittany asked, tentatively.</p><p>Santana opened the door wider to allow Brittany to step inside, she didn't really have much choice. Another reoccurring theme in their relationship. Brittany just showing up out of the blue and catching Santana off guard.</p><p>Brittany cut straight to the chase.</p><p>"I know you're not over the moon about me being engaged to Sam, so I came here to explain everything".</p><p>"Brit, I didn't say that. <em>Of course,</em> I'm happy for you, just…a little shocked that's all".</p><p>"Santana, I know you" Brittany said firmly "Can we sit down and talk?"</p><p>Santana nodded, and lead them through to the living room, making the conscious decision to sit on the adjacent couch, rather than next to Brittany.</p><p>"I know it's quick okay?" Brittany began, but Santana cut in, her emotions rising to the surface.</p><p>"Quick!?" Santana spat "Brit you've been back with him for all of five minutes. You told me a couple of weeks ago you'd reconnected, and it was still early days. Now he's moved in and you're getting married? It doesn't add up".</p><p>"I know" Brittany nodded "And what I told you on Christmas Eve was the truth. It was early days. I had no idea he was going to propose when he did, and believe me, when he did it, I had the exact same reaction as you. I told him to stand up and stop being so ridiculous. I thought he was crazy."</p><p>"Well what changed?" Santana scoffed.</p><p>"Just…I don't know, the way he explained things to me. There's no right or wrong way to do things in life, people just think there are because they're pressured by society. But if something feels right you've gotta ignore judgement and just do it. Make sure you have no regrets in life"</p><p>Santana listened carefully. What Brittany was saying made sense. No wonder she was the one who'd been brave enough to pen her feelings about Santana, not that it seemed to matter now.</p><p>"When did he do it?" Santana asked.</p><p>"New Year's Day,"</p><p>"8 days ago, and you didn't tell me?" said Santana, her tone laced with hurt.</p><p>"I haven't even told my parents yet. We haven't told anybody. I knew people would be shocked by the news, so we wanted to tell everybody in person. The plan was always to come to Lima at the weekend, and we were going to tell everyone then. Yourself included. That's what Sam was talking about because I was going to ask you to be my maid of honour. So please don't think I just haven't thought about you San, because I have." Brittany exclaimed, reaching out for Santana's hand and feeling relieved when Santana didn't pull away.</p><p>"When I saw how shocked and upset you were on FaceTime last night, I knew I had to come here and explain everything to you. Sam had work, so he can't make it until Saturday. Please don't be mad at me, Santana. I love how much you care about me that you're just worried I'm not thinking this through enough, but I hate it when you're mad at me. Or worse, upset".</p><p>Santana sighed, and gave Brittany's hand a gentle squeeze, finding it difficult to meet her eyes due to the butterflies forming in her stomach. For her next words, she forced herself to do it, meeting apprehensive aqua eyes.</p><p>"I'm not mad at you Brit. I'm just…yeah like you say, worried. This all seems so rushed"</p><p>"I know. And I completely understand why you think that. There's something else as well that you're not going to like…" Brittany hesitated, and Santana held her breath. What more could she say that was any worse.</p><p>"Go on…" Santana urged, unable to stand the anticipation much longer.</p><p>"We're not having a long engagement. The wedding is going to be in a month's time. February 8th".</p><p>"A <em>month</em>!?" Santana exclaimed.</p><p>"I know, it's crazy, I get it. Right now, you think I'm even more insane. But Sam really wants us to do this before he's back on the road again and things get busy for him. February is his busiest time, what with it being fashion month. We just…don't want to wait around when we know this is what we want to do"</p><p>Santana rubbed her forehead in an attempt to ease the fog. She couldn't get her head around this. How had everything span so frantically in the opposite direction, so quickly. If she didn't already feel like the world had been turned on its head, she sure did now.</p><p>She swallowed thickly and let out the one question that was most important to her.</p><p>"Are you happy?" she asked simply.</p><p>Brittany hesitated. She was happy actually. Happier now that she was opening herself up to love again, instead of chasing desperately after Santana. Happier now that she had put her feelings out and had clarification they weren't returned, instead of the wilting pain of not knowing. Happier that she had the basis of a future on the horizon.</p><p>She wasn't as happy as she would be if she was with Santana, but that was never going to happen, so this was second best. We can't all have the things we want in life, and Brittany had come to accept that.</p><p>"Do you know what Santana, I really am. I never would have envisioned me to end up back with my high school sweetheart again. And I certainly didn't think I'd ever get married this quick. But Sam is so kind, and he treats me so well, I'd be foolish to let that go and not grab this opportunity with both hands. As crazy as I thought he was to propose so soon, he started talking to me about the future and babies and…when I heard that, it all made sense to me"</p><p>Brittany reached out and tilted Santana's chin up, so that Santana was looking at her.</p><p>"You know how much I have been dying to be a mommy, how much I long for that second chance. And I'd lay awake some nights just…terrified. Terrified I'd never meet anyone, and that I'd never get that chance again. That I'd just be stuck with this…<em>void</em>, forever. I'm almost 30, and time isn't on my side as much as it was 5 years ago, and that scares me. I did the whole traditional long-term relationship and milestones thing with Denver. Look how that turned out. I just want to do this differently and get that second chance that I know I deserve. This is my shot; I know it is".</p><p>As bitter as a pill that was to swallow, Santana fully understood Brittany's reasonings and she believed in her happiness. There was so much she wanted to say and do, but she'd never do anything that risked Brittany's happiness, even if it meant neglecting her own feelings.</p><p>Clearly Brittany had loved her, but clearly, she didn't feel that way anymore. She was with Sam now, and she was going to have a family, and Santana just needed to accept that the way Brittany had when she had felt like the rejected party.</p><p>"Well then, I'm really happy for you Brittany. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart" Santana smiled, eyes twinkling with her hidden sadness.</p><p>Brittany breathed a sigh of relief, and pulled Santana into a bone crushing hug, the two of them just enjoying the moment, until Brittany pulled back.</p><p>"Wait! You didn't answer my question. Will you be my maid of honour?"</p><p>Santana swallowed nervously again. There couldn't be a worse pain than standing by Brittany's side as she married somebody else, but this wasn't about her.</p><p>"Brittany, there's nowhere else I'd rather be than by your side when I watch you marry the man of your dreams. Of course, I will!"</p><p>Brittany shrieked in glee and pulled Santana back in once more.</p><p><em>"The man of your dreams. Really Santana? Which god awful romcom did you pull that line from in an attempt to be fake happy?" </em>Santana thought to herself.</p><p>And as Brittany started excitedly talking through the plans she had made so far, Santana nodded her head enthusiastically as a best friend and maid of honour would. But inside her heart was aching as she pondered on the fact that in an alternate universe, the two of them would be planning their <em>own</em> wedding, together.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. Chapter 41</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <strong>Authors Note: First of all, Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you've all had a lovely day.</strong>
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  <strong>Just wanna clarify again to all the readers worrying that Brittana are gonna get together and the story will end, this isn't the case. I have lots of plans for them building their relationship, learning to communicate, sweet fluff couple-y chapters that they deserve, and a future together etc.</strong>
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  <strong>It's taken a long while to get here, and as it's loosely based on a film that does end with them just getting together, that's possibly why. But it was never my intention to leave it there, especially as it's so drama filled. So hopefully that will make you guys happy.</strong>
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  <strong>I really hope you enjoy the chapter, probably my most re-written yet, because I wanted it to be perfect.</strong>
</p><hr/><p>A month went by, and it seemed like both the quickest and slowest month of Santana's life. On one hand, things were happening way too fast, and Brittany was going to be Mrs Evans sooner than she would have liked. On the other hand, the wedding talk, the fittings, the planning was all dragging for Santana. Each meeting geared towards the wedding was just a painful reminder of what she could have had. Suddenly, they had found themselves on the eve before the wedding, and Santana needed more than one bottle of wine to help her get through for the impending day ahead. She was more than grateful that Quinn was with her tonight, offering a shoulder to cry on.</p><p>As soon as Brittany had left on that fateful day, where she had arrived in Lima to ask Santana to be her maid of honour and told her how happy she was with Sam, Santana had called Quinn in hysterics. Quinn couldn't even decipher why Santana was so upset, until she got in the car and drove round to Santana's, demanding that she told her everything. And Santana had done just that. She told her literally <em>everything</em>, about how she had harboured this love for years, her issues with Dani, how she had gone to tell Brittany but chickened out so many times. Quinn, who could be unpredictable in such situations, had been non-judgemental and listened calmly to everything. She didn't give Santana that "I told you so" attitude, even though she <em>had </em>told her so many years ago. The news didn't really shock Quinn, and she just took it all in her stride. But in seeing her best friend grow more and more heartbroken as it edged closer to the wedding, she was growing increasingly frustrated.</p><p>As they sat out on the porch, Quinn listened to a weepy Santana for the thousandth time, analysing everything that had gone wrong with Brittany.</p><p>"It's like Kate and Leo in that scene on the deck" Santana moaned.</p><p>"Only you would compare your real-life situation to Titanic, Santana" Quinn laughed, trying to make light of the heavy situation, but with a strong feeling she wasn't going to get anywhere.</p><p>Quinn couldn't stand it anymore. She had lent Santana an ear all month and tried to hint at her to do the right thing, but Santana wasn't having any of it. On the eve of Brittany's wedding, she needed to be more upfront, and encourage Santana to be bold. To stand up for what was so rightfully hers.</p><p>"Santana, Brittany is yours. Anyone with eyes can see that, and I've been telling you for <em>years </em>now that I could see something between you. The girl has written you a letter professing her undying love for you. I don't understand why you're not doing anything about this before she goes and ahead and does something she quite clearly, is going to regret".</p><p>"Quinn, she wrote that letter ages ago, I was too late! She loves Sam now" Santana exclaimed "And plus she's my best friend…"</p><p>It was that one thing that had always got in the way. That fear that their friendship would be ruined, so don't say anything and carry on as normal, that had messed them up so badly in the first place. Quinn was exasperated and she stood up to face Santana. Desperate to get through to her.</p><p>"No, <em>I'm</em> your best friend. Get it yet?" Quinn shook her head impatiently, wondering what it was going to take for Santana to finally woman up and do something about this.</p><p>"We just keep missing each other" Santana sighed, looking down at her feet, a few stray tears escaping her eyes, as Quinn grew more agitated. "You know, maybe we're just not meant to be" Santana shrugged.</p><p>"Arghhh!" Quinn groaned. "Right, let me try and explain this, in a language you might understand. There's a ship, there's an iceberg. Ship <em>hits</em> iceberg. Mayhem. Horror. <em>Ocean</em> of ice. And then Brittany…on the last lifeboat. One space left. Is it Sam…or is it San? Who's it gonna be?"</p><p>Santana looked at Quinn through tear-filled eyes.</p><p>"Come on Lopez. You <em>know</em> the answer. So just…do something about it before it's too late. For everybody's sake!" Quinn urged, leaving the thought hanging heavy in Santana's mind.</p><hr/><p>February 8th 2020.</p><p>This was supposed to be the happiest day of Brittany's life. So why wasn't she feeling on cloud nine right now?</p><p>She was grateful that the morning was so busy, filled with last minute touches and having her hair and makeup done, photos, champagne and bridesmaids milling excitedly around her. She barely had a minute to breathe, let alone to have regrets.</p><p>The same went for Santana. Even if she wanted to tell Brittany not to marry Sam, to marry her instead, the way they did in movies; she couldn't because the morning was so busy, and she couldn't even grab Brittany for a minute alone.</p><p>It wasn't until she heard Brittany send the other bridesmaids on their way in a hunt for items that carried tradition, that Santana could finally creep into the room and have a moment alone with her best friend.</p><p>"Brittany, you look <em>so</em> beautiful" Santana whispered, as she appeared in the room, seeing Brittany in her full wedding get up for the first time, and admiring the sight. Of course, she had seen the dress, but she hadn't seen Brittany fully ready, and the picture brought a tear to Santana's eye.</p><p>Brittany's own eyes watered, and she stretched out her arms, beckoning Santana to come forward and take her by the hands.</p><p>"I feel like I've barely seen you all day" Santana admitted "I just wanted to have a minute alone with you before everything gets crazy".</p><p>"I know. That's the whole reason I sent the other bridesmaids off, so we could have some time alone. I don't really believe in all those traditions and superstitions. Well…maybe I do but…it was still an excuse to just have a moment with only you" Brittany laughed, causing Santana to laugh along with her, because what Brittany had just said was so typically Brittany.</p><p>"How do you feel?"</p><p>Brittany shrugged and shook her body to rid herself of the nerves.</p><p>"I don't know. Nervous, I guess? Happy, excited. Scared I'm going to trip down the aisle. All sorts of feelings"</p><p>"You won't trip babe" Santana laughed assuredly, before turning serious and reaching out to caress Brittany's upper arms "I can't believe you're getting married Britty".</p><p>One of the childhood names she had for Brittany, casually slipping out.</p><p>"I know, me neither. It's just…well, it's crazy really" Brittany shrugged.</p><p>"You know that I love you, don't you?"</p><p>Brittany frowned at the out of the blue statement.</p><p>"<em>Of</em> <em>course</em> I do, I never doubt it"</p><p>"Good, just checking." Santana smiled.</p><p>"And you know that I love you too" Brittany said sternly, and Santana nodded, face filled with emotion.</p><p>The two of them locked eyes, Santana still caressing Brittany's arms, the tension between them clear for anyone to see. But in the eye of the storm, the two of them couldn't sense it themselves. They could only see their own feelings, not the ones that were reciprocated and gleaming right back at them.</p><p>Suddenly, Brittany's inner thoughts were spilling out like word vomit.</p><p>"Santana…do you think I'm doing the right thing?"</p><p>This was it. This was Santana's chance. If she was ever going to stop the wedding as Quinn had advised, it was now.</p><p>"I can only ask you what I always ask you Brit. Are you happy?"</p><p>And Santana yearned for Brittany to admit that no she wasn't. She wasn't happy because she wanted to be with her instead. She'd take the stand again that would lead them to their happiness. Because as much as Santana wanted to be the one to bear her heart, Brittany had always been so much braver.</p><p>But Brittany didn't do that. Instead she recomposed herself and said;</p><p>"Yeah, sorry. Sorry, it's just nerves that's all. Ignore me. I can't <em>wait </em>to marry Sam"</p><p>And Santana didn't really know where she could go from there. She tried to hard to formulate the words and say what she felt, but she couldn't do it. Brittany was happy. She had to leave her be and let her run towards that happiness. The ache in the pit of her stomach, which gravitated up towards her heart, seemed almost unjustifiable. Because it was her own cowardly self that had landed her in this position in the first place.</p><p>Santana swallowed, and forced out words that she somehow meant but didn't mean all at the same time.</p><p>"I'm really, really happy for you".</p><p>Because of course Santana just wanted Brittany to be happy, and if that was with Sam then so be it. But knowing that <em>she</em> could have been the one to make Brittany happy once made that happiness seem bittersweet.</p><p>Brittany reached forward and took Santana into her arms, and the two of them shared a long and meaningful embrace. Santana closed her eyes, getting lost in the moment, and unbeknownst to her; Brittany was doing the exact same thing. Suddenly the contact became too much and Santana recomposed herself, a nervous laugh escaping her lip as she held out her hand for Brittany to take. Brittany's emotions were evident, her blue eyes shining with unshed tears.</p><p>"Right then Miss Pierce! Let's get you wed." said Santana. Emotions off, doting maid of honour mode on.</p><hr/><p>Brittany had organised the procession so that the bridesmaids would walk first, with her to follow, and Santana thought this was both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it was going to be the only time Santana got to see Brittany approaching her in a wedding dress, but on the other she had to deal with the pain of it being to marry somebody else, watching her face light up in joy as she walked towards her husband-to-be.</p><p><em>"Well…this is it" </em>Santana thought, as the music started playing, and the procession began the way they had rehearsed.</p><p>The three bridesmaids walked first. Sam's sister Stacey, Brittany's cousin Hailey and Zara, one of Brittany's good friends from New York, shortly followed by Santana. Last to walk before Brittany, was Mila, who was the flower girl. But instead of carrying flowers, she was holding a wooden sign that said, "Here comes your childhood sweetheart!".</p><p>And as much as Santana wanted to cringe and hate it, she couldn't not smile at her 10-year-old, who was still so adorably petite she could pass for an 8-year-old.</p><p>Then came Brittany, and although Santana had just seen her moments earlier, the sight of her walking in so elegantly and looking ever so beautiful, physically took Santana's her away. Sam was one lucky, lucky man, and Santana just hoped he knew exactly <em>how</em> lucky he was. What she would have given, to be the one standing there, waiting to marry Brittany. She wondered what Sam's facial expression was, if he was bawling his eyes out at the beautiful angel walking towards him, if his face was illuminated with pure joy. She look turn to find out, because she couldn't take her eyes off Brittany.</p><p>For Brittany, walking down the aisle with Kurt who she'd gone against tradition in choosing to give her away because she wanted him to play a big part, was a surreal moment. She couldn't believe she was <em>actually</em> getting married. Everything had spiralled so fast. It wasn't intentional that the first pair of eyes she found and settled on when she walked in belonged to Santana, she just naturally gravitated there, and the two of them shared an intense look. She could see Santana was crying, and that in turn was making her cry. She also couldn't get over how breathtakingly beautiful Santana looked in her maid of honour dress, but before she could stare much longer, she forced herself to rip her eyes away and focus on Sam. The man she was about to marry. The man she was about to spend the rest of her life with.</p><p>And as the wedding began, both girls pushing any doubts firmly to the back of their minds. Both of them feeling as if they were watching somebody else's lives unfold rather than living out their own situation; the chance of a future together floated further and further away.</p><p>Santana shifted uncomfortably under Quinn's intense gaze that she could feel, knowing that Quinn was wondering why on earth she hadn't put a stop to this and owned up to her feelings. She avoided eye contact, focusing on Brittany and only Brittany instead.</p><p>When they got to the part about anybody knowing any reasons why Brittany and Sam shouldn't marry, Santana wanted to cry out, and she could have sworn her lungs were aching from physically holding it in. But of course, she didn't. She stayed silent, as always. A sure sign that this <em>wasn't</em> a movie, it was a reality, and one of them that they were just going to have to live in.</p><p>Before Santana knew it, the wedding was over with. As she watched the new Mrs Evans happily kiss her husband, she let the tears run freely down her face. Everybody would think they were happy tears, but they weren't. Quite the opposite. They were tears that strongly symbolised the end of an era. The end of life as Santana knew it. She didn't know who she was without her yearning for Brittany, it had almost become a personality trait, and that saddened her. She finally allowed herself to look at Quinn, and shot her a look that said, "It's really over now, time to move on".</p><hr/><p>The reception was well underway, and Santana was well aware that any moment now she'd need to stand up and deliver her speech. She was sure her words were going to deceive her, and that every person in the room was going to see through her "happiness". She'd written and rewritten something, several times. As of yet, she didn't know whether she was going to stick to the script or improvise on the spot. The words she had written just didn't seem sincere enough, but if she spoke from the heart, she feared she'd become emotional. But as she heard the round of applause for Pierce, signalling his speech was over, she knew it was time.</p><p>Santana sighed. She had to pull it together, show how happy she was for her best friend, for her Brittany.</p><p>She stood up and cleared her throat, hoping the guests wouldn't see right through her and sense the nerves in her voice.</p><p>"Hi everyone" she started, glancing down at the tattered bit of paper that held her speech, with numerous annotations and crossings out.</p><p>"For those I haven't had a chance to say hi to properly, I'm Santana, Brittany's best friend."</p><p>She offered a small half-wave to the crowd, before sucking in ready to say the next bit. <em>Be authentic Santana, be authentic.</em></p><p>"And this has got to be one of the happiest days of my life…" she looked to Brittany, who was staring at her with an encouraging smile, and from that she found the strength to continue.</p><p>She read through her words, doing everything in her power not to look at Brittany again, knowing those blue eyes had so much potential to make her crack. She went through the motions, following the generic set up of what a speech like this should have. She thanked everybody for coming, thanked the wedding party, shared how she knew Brittany since they were 5, and then forced herself to recall the unmemorable occasion when she had first met Sam. She didn't have a specific time for that, she just made something up about noticing him at school, and when she chanced a look at him, he seemed to go along with it. Her speech had been pretty solemn so far, but she hoped the next part would gain some laughs. She sure as hell needed it, to cover the nerves she was sure could be felt in her voice.</p><p>"Word of warning for Sam. Brittany can hold her drink to an almost lethal degree" Santana began, bringing her eyes to meet Brittany's "Something I decided on my 18th birthday when she decided a night of tequila shots was the way to go…"</p><p>She laughed, grateful that the other guests seemed to laugh along with her, but Brittany herself stiffened. The night of Santana's 18th birthday, the night that they had first kissed, was something she wasn't expecting Santana to bring up.</p><p>"Well you know when people say they were so drunk that the whole night is a blank? And you always say, 'no way, not possible!'. Well…<em>believe me</em>. It's<em> possible…"</em></p><p>Another round of laughter, but Brittany was still motionless, pensive of Santana's words. Sam turned to her in his own laughter, and she forced a smile.</p><p>Santana returned to the piece of paper, before deciding it was no good. She only had one chance to deliver this speech, and Brittany deserved it to come from the heart. Not some half-arsed manufactured speech based off various internet templates. She folded the piece of paper away and stared straight at the beautiful bride, letting whatever words came to her mind spill out unreservedly.</p><p>"Choosing the person that you want to share your life with, is one of the most important decisions any of us makes…<em>ever. </em>Because when it's wrong, it turns your life to grey. And sometimes…sometimes you don't even notice until you wake up one morning and realise years have gone by. We both know about that one Brit".</p><p>Her eyes bore meaningfully into Brittany's, a charged beat between them, before Santana swallowed her emotion and continued.</p><p>"Your friendship has brought glorious technicolour to my life. It's been there even in the darkest of times. And I am the <em>luckiest</em> person alive for that gift…I hope I didn't take it for granted. I think, maybe I did."</p><p>And Brittany's breathing was heavy, because she didn't know where Santana was going with this.</p><p>"Because sometimes you don't see, that the <em>best </em>thing that's ever happened to you is sitting there. Right under your nose. And that's fine too. It really is." Santana nodded in clarity; her speech directed solely at Brittany at this point "Because what I've realised is that, no matter where you are, or what you're doing, or who you're with. I will always, honestly, truly, completely…love you."</p><p>Santana's voice cracked with emotion, and she allowed herself to get lost in shock filled aqua eyes. Right there, in that moment, there was nobody else in the room but Santana and Brittany. The raw impact of Santana's words had been delivered straight from the heart, and she'd had no control over what she was saying once she begun. Years of harboured feelings had spilled out in a minute.</p><p>For Brittany, she couldn't quite process this. Was Santana declaring her love for her, just hours after she had married somebody else? Her head was spinning with epiphanic realisations, throat burning with words that she desperately wanted to say.</p><p>It was the hushed whispers of the guests that brought Santana back down to reality, and she quickly snatched her eyes away from Brittany's. She noticed everybody staring at her questioningly, including Sam. She looked to Quinn, who for once in her life looked gobsmacked. She'd told Santana to do something about this and tell Brittany how she really felt, but she didn't expect her to do it <em>after </em>the wedding, mid-speech. Quinn took a large gulp of her wine, the tension in the air felt unbearable.</p><p>To Santana's defence, she hadn't expected or planned it either. It had all just fallen out, desperately and uncontrollably. But as she looked around the room at the shocked faces, the confusion, the frowns, including Brittany's own dazed expression, she panicked. What had she just said!? She quickly thought on her feet to redeem herself, guard shooting firmly back up.</p><p>"Like…a sister loves a sister. And a friend, loves a friend." Chocolate eyes darted from side-to-side, a giveaway she was lying to those who loved her the most, but luckily for Santana, the majority of the guests didn't know her well enough, and the frowns and confusion began to dissipate.</p><p>"I will <em>always</em> stay in guard of your dreams Brit. No matter how…weird or twisted they get."</p><p>And Brittany's mouth twitched, her watery eyes never leaving Santana's, because she was still having all of these sobering realisations.</p><p>Santana's voice was by now, merely a quiver, as she raised her glass to finish her speech.</p><p>"So please, everybody, join me in a toast. To the bride, and groom."</p><p>Brittany wiped a tear from the corner of the eye, finally looking away from Santana and to the man she had just married. Just <em>married</em> for goodness sake!? She was married, and still thinking about Santana.</p><p>But after that speech, how could she possibly not?</p><hr/><p>As soon as the reception was over, Santana ran outside to get some air, her frantic sobs taking over her body as soon as she was out the door. All the emotions of today, of the past few weeks, of the years of secretly loving Brittany hit her full force.</p><p>She heard the door close behind her, and she frantically wiped at her face, not wanting to have to explain to anyone why the maid of honour was standing alone on a rooftop fire escape in floods of tears.</p><p>"That was quite the speech San"</p><p>
  <em>Oh god. It was Brittany.</em>
</p><p>"Brittany, I…" but Brittany raised her hand to stop her, and she walked over to join Santana. The two of them faced outwards to stare at the Lima skyline. The air heavily clouded with yet more unspoken words.</p><p>"Mila looked beautiful today, just like you". Brittany began, her tone giving nothing away.</p><p>"She did…" Santana managed, the emotions in her voice palpable.</p><p>"Just…so grown up. I can't believe she's turning 11 next month"</p><p>"I know, me neither" Santana shook her head in disbelief, the time when she was a scared, pregnant 18-year-old now seemed like a lifetime ago.</p><p>"Then before we know it, she's in middle school, that's when the fun really starts." Said Brittany, nudging Santana playfully.</p><p>"Oh god…don't remind me!" Santana laughed lightly. She wasn't even perplexed by the spontaneous conversation about Mila on Brittany's wedding day, on a rooftop of all places, considering how much they talked about the little girl who was growing up <em>so</em> fast.</p><p>"That might be where she meets her first boyfriend, or girlfriend. And you'll probably be tearing your hair out when she does".</p><p>Santana laughed again, nodding her head in agreement. She was definitely going to be a protective mama bear when the time came, hopefully years away from now.</p><p>"You're an amazing mom Santana, I tell you that all the time. But…can I give you some advice to give to Mila from her Aunty Brit, for when she does meet that special someone?"</p><p>By now, Santana was confused where Brittany was going with this, but she figured there was always a method in her madness. It wasn't unlike Brittany to say something completely random and off topic.</p><p>"Of course, B" Santana smiled.</p><p>"Will you tell her to be mindful when it comes to love? She's a mini you, and she has <em>all</em> your best traits. But that can also mean that she can be stubborn and insecure and defensive. So, if somebody comes along that she really likes, will you tell her to put all that aside and think twice about rejecting them? Even if it's the kind of love that shocks her like say, I don't know…she falls in love with her best friend?" Brittany rambled "Yeah okay, let's go with that. Let's say Mila falls in love with Lily, but she's scared by that because they've been best friends since they were children and it all feels so daunting to add feelings into the mix, so she rejects her."</p><p>Santana frowned in confusion, and went to open her mouth to speak, but Brittany continued.</p><p>"If she rejects Lily, Lily is going to make it her life mission to find somebody else, just to try and get over Mila. She'll end up marrying this…guy and spending the rest of her life with him. And he'd be a nice guy and she'd tell herself that this guy is perfect." Brittany swallowed, composing herself "She really <em>must</em> be happy. But…it won't be Mila, you know?"</p><p>Santana stood frozen. She knew exactly what Brittany was doing here. She was recounting their own past and showing her own feelings under the guise of Lily. Santana of course, being the Mila in the situation. Did Brittany seriously only marry Sam to get over her? Santana's head was chaotic with thoughts, yet numb at the same time, struggling to process everything after a heavy 24 hours.</p><p>"Brittany?" she questioned, seeking more clarification, not really knowing where to go from here.</p><p>Brittany laughed nervously, shuffling her feet, preparing herself for what she was next about to say. One of several epiphanies that she'd had during Santana's speech.</p><p>"I didn't realise until tonight Santana, that you forgot…"</p><p>Santana looked at Brittany searchingly.</p><p>"Your 18th birthday. About…5 tequila shots in? I think…" Brittany laughed, in an effort to hide the nerves "Right before you fell…we kissed".</p><p>Santana's shook her head with confusion; because this was all news to her. How could she have forgotten a kiss with Brittany? Even if she was as drunk as she was.</p><p>"The next day I…well, I was really excited about it. But you told me you wanted to forget everything, because you were so embarrassed" said Brittany, and Santana dropped her head because she couldn't bear the sadness in Brittany's tone, knowing she was the reason for it. "I didn't realise you had actually forgotten about the kiss, and that you were you talking about the night in general, falling, having to be picked up by my parents, all of that. I thought that was just your way of rejecting me".</p><p>Suddenly, Santana was having all these epiphanies, just like Brittany had when Santana had delivered the speech. She didn't know it was so possible to be angry at a version of herself from 12 years ago, but she was. Her drunken 18-year-old self had quite possibly ruined <em>everything. </em>Things could have been so different, if she had remembered.</p><p>"So that's why you insisted on going with Sam to the prom?" Santana asked sadly.</p><p>Brittany swallowed, the burn of letting Santana go, in order to go to prom with somebody else, still hurt all these years later. It was the start of their pain.</p><p>"And you went with Puck…" Brittany said, her voice small. She was unable to look at Santana anymore.</p><p>And suddenly Santana realised just how brave Brittany had been on more than one occasion over the years. The letter was just one aspect of it. Meanwhile, she herself had done nothing, apart from lose all control during her speech and accidentally blurt out her feelings, before covering them up again.</p><p>Despite the fact Brittany was now married to someone else, and it was seemingly too late, Santana knew she needed to be brave now. She needed to be as brave as Brittany and make it abundantly clear how she felt, in a bid to ease all of this rejection Brittany had been carrying all these years.</p><p>To try an make some sense of all this miscommunication between them over the years, that had landed them where they were today.</p><p>"Your letter…" Santana began, causing Brittany to look back up at her startled "I only got it months after you sent it. Dani found it before I did, and she opened it and kept it from me. I'm still <em>so </em>furious with her for doing that but…she did the right thing in the end. When we split up, she gave me it, and that's when I realised how you felt. I called you straight away, but Sam answered. It was the day you told me you had gotten engaged. Brittany you just sounded <em>so</em> happy, and I assumed you'd moved on from me. I couldn't stand in the way of that. I didn't realise the extent of your feelings until…well, until what you just said".</p><p>Suddenly the tears were spilling down Brittany's flushed cheeks, and she didn't even care that all of her wedding makeup was smudged all over her face. Santana still thought, even with mascara tracks fresh down her face, that Brittany was the most beautiful bride she'd ever seen.</p><p>"And what would you have said, if Sam hadn't of answered the phone or…if I hadn't mentioned the engagement" Brittany sniffed, biting her lip as another sob escaped her.</p><p>Santana took Brittany's hands, not wanting to cross any lines knowing that Brittany was now married, but also wanting to make her next words assertive. They were so important. And <em>finally</em>, she was being brave enough to say them.</p><p>"I would have told you what I wanted to tell you years ago. That I love you, Brittany Pierce. Not as a sister, not as a friend. That I am so ridiculously in love with you, that it hurts to look at you sometimes, and know that you're not mine. But at the same time, looking at you is the cause of my biggest smiles. Being with you is the reason for my heaviest laughter. I would have told you that it's always been you, Brit. And maybe I didn't realise it as soon as you did, but once I did…" she placed her hand under Brittany's chin to stare her deep in the eyes "Once I did, I <em>never</em> stopped".</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>So they finally know how they feel about each other. Clearly they've got a lot more to talk about, so stay tuned, but I hope this has been a nice Christmas present for those waiting for them to finally have this moment of realisation, and a positive end to a drama-filled 5 days.</strong>
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  <strong>As I said, stay tuned, next chapters are all about where they go from here :)</strong>
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<a name="section0042"><h2>42. Chapter 42</h2></a>
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  <strong>Authors Note: Switched it up this chapter with some POV. I was going to cut it after Santana's POV and have Brittany's as a separate chapter, but I honestly thought you guys would kill me if I left it on another cliffhanger, so enjoy a super long chapter instead.</strong>
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  <strong>Enjoy, and as always, would love to know your thoughts!x</strong>
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  <strong>Santana's POV</strong>
</p><p>Have you ever felt that limbo feeling before? The same feeling you get between Christmas and New Year, where everything just feels up in the air. Or on a heavier note, the time between a loved one passing away and the funeral.</p><p>That was exactly how I felt right now, in the six days since Brittany's wedding where I had finally grown the courage to tell Brittany how I felt, and today, the day of yet another wedding. The wedding of my friend Ashley, which just so happened to fall on Valentine's Day. That was all I needed, after the haze of the past few days, to see Brittany and her new husband all loved up…on <em>Valentine's Day</em>.</p><p>Right after I confessed my love to Brittany, Sam appeared and broke the moment. Naturally he was concerned for his new wife, claiming he'd been looking everywhere for her, but I couldn't help but curse the timing. I could tell Brittany struggled to tear her eyes away from me and look at Sam, and act completely normal, and I struggled to control my breathing and regain composure too. But the moment was gone. Sam led Brittany back inside where I didn't really see her for the rest of the evening. I wasn't sure if that was deliberate on Brittany's part, or if she was genuinely just busy playing host and making sure to spend time with every guest, but either way I knew it was <em>probably</em> for the best.</p><p>As much as I so desperately wanted Brittany to kiss me in that moment, and tell me she felt the same, and for the two of us to Thelma and Louise it into the night, that wasn't the reality of the situation. Brittany was married now, and I could really only blame myself for telling her too late. But I say the same to myself as I said to Quinn. The way it came out, I can't regret, because it was just the organic way in which it happened. When I finally told Brit, I had no control over it, almost like I was meant to tell her in that moment. It wasn't like all of those other times where I had nearly told her, but something had held me back. This time, I just <em>had</em> to tell her. Of course, I wish I'd have told her sooner, so we could have been together years ago. So that she didn't have to end up marrying Sam. But maybe there was a reason for that? Maybe if I'd have told her years ago, it would have been the wrong timing, and something awful would have happened to break us up. That's why as much as it pained me to know that I had lost Brittany to Sam, I still held hope that things weren't unfinished between us. That something was going to lead us together, and everything that had happened so far would hold a valid reason in our long journey. I had to hold onto that hope, because it was all I had.</p><p>Maybe that was the reason I felt so much in limbo, knowing that today was the first-time seeing Brittany since her wedding day, and that there was so much left unsaid between us. Surely, we were going to have to have another conversation about this. Brittany had pretty much told me that she only married Sam to get over me, so we had to speak about that. For years we've skirted around this and both suffered from our lack of talking, so surely now we had to put that right. I hadn't heard from Brittany at all over the past few days, and I hadn't attempted to reach out to her either, because I figured we both needed space to think over everything. I knew that she and Sam were headed to Columbus for a mini moon, since there was no point returning to New York in the short time between both weddings. How that was going down, I had no idea, given the recent revelations. I could only hope that when we finally saw each other today, we'd be able to have that talk.</p><p>I was excited and nervous to see Brittany, but even in the knowledge of knowing her true feelings towards Sam and I, it was still going to be hard to see them together. I was so happy to have Quinn with me as a plus one, because I needed the support.</p><hr/><p>As I walked into the bustling church, I noticed that Brittany and Sam were already seated, a few rows in front of where Quinn and I chose to sit. Immediately, the sight of them as a couple, a <em>married</em> couple at that, made my heart twinge uncomfortably. I was so sure the jealous was written all over my face. I watched as Brittany removed her coat, turning around in the process, which caused her to spot me.</p><p>She offered a small smile and waved, Sam waving with her, and I waved back sadly. This felt all wrong. I'd never had such an awkward interaction with Brittany before, and suddenly all my previous calmness about today being a good opportunity to speak to Brittany was replaced with rage at seeing Brittany and Sam together.</p><p>"I'm so over this and it hasn't even started yet" I rolled my eyes "I mean, who has a wedding on a Friday anyway".</p><p>"Loads of people actually" Quinn said nonchalantly, as she applied her lipstick with the handheld mirror she took everywhere "It's apparently a pretty common day to hold one what with Saturday's and Sunday's being so expensive".</p><p>She passed the mirror to me and I took it with a sigh.</p><p>"I hate weddings. And I hate Valentine's Day, they were invited by breeders to sell cheap chocolate and false hope" I moaned, aware that other wedding guests were frowning at my negativity on what was supposed to be a love filled day on all accounts.</p><p>How could I be positive and full of love when I had to watch Brittany with guppy face, sitting right in front of me.</p><p>"Do you know what I hate? Men. Every single one of them is a pig" said Quinn "Except maybe him over there, he looks cute".</p><p>"Finn Hudson?" I snorted, highly amused she was crushing over him. He so wasn't Quinn's type "I went to school with him. Slept with him once actually too, awful, but I won't put my brain through reliving that".</p><p>I shuddered at the thought.</p><p>"You know what maybe I do need to stop all this serial dating. Maybe I do let men define me. Well not anymore. Like Gloria Steinem said, a woman without a man, is like a fish without a bicycle".</p><p>I laughed and passed the mirror back to Quinn, wondering how long she'd keep her promise for this time.</p><p>"Finn Hudson is disgusting by the way" I added playfully.</p><p>"Santana, you're a lesbian, therefore your opinion doesn't count".</p><p>"Fair play…" I shrugged, just as the wedding march began to play and alerted us all to stand.</p><hr/><p>As the reception went on, I still hadn't gotten the chance to speak to Brittany, and it was beginning to feel like we'd never get that talk. I could understand if we couldn't have the full conversation here at somebody else's wedding, but I thought she would at least acknowledge it. Or at the very least, acknowledge me. She wasn't even doing that.</p><p>I danced with Quinn and Finn, feeling very much like a third wheel between the two of them at this point. Quinn had of course pursued him as soon as the DJ hit play on the first song, and Finn was all over having a gorgeous blonde like Quinn chasing him. When I turned to see Brittany and Sam dancing so happily together, I froze. How could she look <em>so</em> happy with him, when she had told me what she had told me? Maybe she was going to just push all that to the side now, and act like it had never happened, the vow of marriage being too understandably strong for her to entertain anything else. I didn't like seeing it, and I certainly didn't like where my thoughts were heading so I grabbed Quinn and pulled her towards the bar.</p><p>"We all should have known that a Valentine's Day wedding was just heading for a disaster. Love stinks!" said Quinn, and I knew her words were completely for my benefit.</p><p>"Look at those romantic saps." I scoffed, eyes focused on the dance floor but trying to look everywhere but at Brittany and Sam. "you know they may have love, but you know what we are that they are not?"</p><p>"Flawless." Quinn smiled confidently, holding her glass out to clink mine.</p><p>We shared a laugh, before Quinn eyed me up and down.</p><p>"I have to say Santana, you are <em>killing</em> it in that red dress". she smirked, and if I didn't know any better, I'd think she was flirting with me.</p><p>I stared at her and let out the first genuine smile I'd given all day.</p><p>"Thanks".</p><hr/><p>The drink might have felt like it was helping, but it was doing nothing to curb my emotions, and I felt like the looks of pure jealousy that I was shooting over to Brittany must have been clear for all to see at this point. It was all getting too much and I ran frantically towards the bathroom before my emotions could come to the surface. I wanted to splash my face with cold water, but I was at a wedding and I couldn't ruin my makeup, so I settled for breaking down in the cubicle instead.</p><p>As my back slammed against the cold door, I lost all composure and felt my face crumple. Why was Brittany avoiding me like this? Our friendship getting weird was always one of the reasons I avoided telling her in the first place. Now I'd finally done it, and it had resulted in just that. Clearly, there was never going to be a right moment, and all my efforts of holding it in felt like a waste.</p><p>As I left the safety of the cubicle and walked towards the sinks to give myself a much-needed pep talk in the mirror, I chastised myself for being so naïve to think that I'd come here today and we'd pick the conversation up where we left off.</p><p>"Brittany is married now Santana. She's <em>married</em>! Did you really think you were going to come here today, and she'd leave her husband of 6 days and fall willingly in to in your arms? You've said your piece. But you've also lost her. It's time to let it go!" I hissed to myself, grateful that the bathroom was empty, but aware that somebody could walk in at any time now.</p><p>I think what hurt the most was the fact that Brittany was just avoiding me in general. Maybe it was silly to assume we could be more than friends now that she had married somebody else. Whatever her reasoning was for doing it, she had taken that vow now, and it was serious. But I at least expected Brittany to talk to me about the situation, instead of leaving me in this hopeless limbo. Now it felt like we were going to struggle to even hold onto a friendship.</p><p>Steadying myself as I held onto the sink, I told myself I was going to go back out there and act normal. I couldn't make a scene or let Brittany know how much I was hurting. I would go out there for another hour or so, enjoy the night, and then go back to my hotel room and let it all out.</p><p>So, I did just that, doing everything to avoid making eye contact with Brittany or even looking her direction in general, as I drank more wine and laughed a little too hard at people's jokes, busying myself with talking to people from school. When a slow dance song came on, the DJ enthusiastically telling all the couples to head to the dance floor, I froze on the spot. Unsure what to do, I looked around, ready to leave the dance floor and head to the bar instead, until I felt Quinn take me by the hand.</p><p>She pulled me in close, my head resting on her shoulder, and together we swayed to the music. I had never felt so grateful for her, than in that moment. Dancing with my best friend far beat the alternative of watching all the couples sadly from the sidelines, especially when one of those couples was Brittany and Sam.</p><p>"I've never slow-danced with a girl before" Quinn admitted, and I pulled back to look at her with a curious smile. She had been so flirtatious today, more-so than the usual flirty Quinn, which was only ever usually reserved for men.</p><p>"I like it…" she added, with a mischievous glint in her eye, and by now I knew she was <em>flirting</em> with me.</p><p>Clouded by the alcohol and the loneliness, I had to admit, it felt kind of good.</p><p>When the song ended, Quinn grabbed me by the hand and pulled me back towards the bar for more wine. The shift in tension between us was obvious. I'd never looked at Quinn like that before <em>ever, </em>but anyone with eyes could admit she was attractive.</p><p>Bolded by the alcohol, I spoke out. You see I can actually be pretty confident when it comes to something like this, only when it's something I care deeply about, would I be too afraid to speak up in fear of ruining everything.</p><p>Not that I didn't care about my friendship with Quinn, of course I did. But it was a different kind of friendship to the one I'd always shared with Brittany. A little harmless flirting wasn't going to hurt anyone.</p><p>"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to seduce me, Quinn Fabray."</p><p>"Who said anything about trying?" Quinn raised her eyebrows and sipped at her wine coolly. It was obvious why she had so many men falling at her feet the way she did.</p><p>"Oh, and what about Finn?" I asked, my tone low.</p><p>"Finn's cute but, I'm gonna be 30 next year. And you know how I've always wanted to tick being with a woman off the list. Be good to do it before I'm 30, just saying…" Quinn smirked, eyebrow raised again, as she sauntered off into the distance to mill with the other guests. Typical Quinn. She didn't really know anybody here, yet she oozed confidence and seemed to grab the attention from almost everyone in the room.</p><p>I chanced a look at Brittany, she was standing with her back to me talking to Mike, arms wrapped firmly around Sam's torso, while his arm was slung over Brit's shoulder. Sickening.</p><p>I looked back to Quinn, several men around her, Finn like a puppy at her feet. I watched as she laughed along with them, then she spotted me staring and flashed me a wink that definitely did <em>something</em> to my insides.</p><p>A night spent in my room alone, hoping that Brittany and Sam's room was located nowhere near mine, because hearing them have sex would be the death of me. Or a night with Quinn? The perfect distraction. An attractive woman but the kind of friend who it wouldn't be awkward to sleep with, and someone I knew it would definitely be a one-time thing.</p><p>Of course, I was going to choose the latter. And dizzy from all the alcohol and excitement, I laughed along with Quinn as she pulled me to my hotel room, without a care in the world.</p><p>There was no talking, we didn't want to ruin the mood, as soon as she had pulled me into the room we collapsed onto the bed in a fit of giggles and began kissing. There was no way we'd be doing this if we weren't both so drunk, I knew that, but we were so I was enjoying it for what it was.</p><p>Being that it was Quinn's first time with a woman, I was surprised at how much she took the lead. She kissed me with purpose and want, and for a few minutes I was lost in the moment and enjoying it, but when Quinn reached behind and started tugging at the zipper on my dress, I came to my senses.</p><p>What the hell was I doing?</p><p>I pulled away, something that's actually quite hard to do when you have someone attached to your lips.</p><p>"Quinn, sorry" I breathed, as Quinn's green eyes turned from lust to concern in a heartbeat "Sorry I just…this is all wrong".</p><p>Quinn cleared her throat and ran her hands through her hair.</p><p>"Damn! I really thought tonight would be the night I could tick it off, now I really am running out of time" Quinn joked, standing up to fix her dishevelled appearance.</p><p>"You're not mad, are you?" I asked sheepishly, feeling like I'd really led Quinn on, as I caught her eye in the mirror.</p><p>"Of course not! Why would I be mad." Quinn laughed, spinning around to face me "We just got caught up in the moment that's all. And yeah it would have been fun but…don't worry Lopez, I'm not in love with you or anything. I'm sure I'll cope".</p><p>I breathed out gratefully and felt the bed dip as Quinn came and sat next to me.</p><p>"Are you okay?" she checked; her voice filled with concern.</p><p>I sighed longingly.</p><p>"Yeah, I'll be fine. It's just hard, you know. Seeing Brittany and Sam together and feeling all this unresolved tension between us. There's so much more that needs to be said, but I'm not sure we'll ever get chance to. And I know that it's my own fault but…it still hurts"</p><p>I smiled appreciatively when I felt Quinn squeeze my hand sympathetically.</p><p>"Brittany won't be able to avoid you forever. But things are still fresh right now. She probably has a lot to process, before she can talk it through with you".</p><p>"I guess so" I shrugged "but it doesn't make things any easier. I just want to know what's going to happen with us. It feels like I'm watching the world's longest movie, and the ending never comes".</p><p>"That's because everything you've been through so far hasn't been happy enough for it to be the ending. Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end" Quinn smiled.</p><p>"Q, that has to be the cheesiest and most unlike you thing that you've ever said." I laughed "Thanks though" I added gratefully.</p><p>"Yeah I kinda read it on Instagram it didn't come from the heart" Quinn laughed back "But I do believe in it, especially where you two are concerned. Now…I don't know about you, but I'm going to touch up my lip-gloss and head back down while the party's still going. Just because you rebuffed me Lopez, doesn't mean I can't still get laid tonight".</p><p>Again, I laughed, Quinn always had the ability to make me do that even in my darkest moments.</p><p>"You know, I think I'm gonna call it a night" I sighed "Have fun with that though. Can't say I'm not pleased our rooms are on different floors though, because I really wouldn't want to have to hear you" I added jokingly.</p><p>"Oh please!" Quinn scoffs "Not five minutes ago you were prepared to be the giver of those noises"</p><p>"Quinn please!" I shrieked, covering my ears, the thought of sleeping with Quinn seeming terrible now that I was beginning to sober up "Don't tell me our whole friendship is going to be laced with sexual innuendos now just because we shared a drunken kiss, because I just can't!"</p><p>"I'm joking, I'm joking!" Quinn laughed "Right, I'm going before all the attractive ones have left. Text me if you need anything, but if not, I'll see you downstairs in the morning for breakfast?"</p><p>"Sounds good to me. Enjoy the rest of your night, but if you want my advice, I'd avoid Finn at all costs"</p><p>Quinn rolled her eyes jokingly, and I was glad that there wasn't even a scrap of awkwardness, just our usual light-hearted friendship.</p><p>When she left the room, I changed out of my dress and removed my face of all makeup, taking a few long gulps of water in a bid to reduce the hangover I was sure I'd be hit full force with in the morning.</p><p>At least I'd at least saved myself from post-sex regret though.</p><p>Not 10 minutes later, was there a knock on the door just as I was about to get some sleep, and I rolled my eyes. Quinn must have forgotten something.</p><p>"Quinn I already told you that I'm not interested, so go find some other person to bone!" I called out playfully, as I trudged towards the door to let her in.</p><p>But as I pulled open the door, I saw that it wasn't Quinn. Just the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen instead, still standing there in her dress and heels, her hair and makeup flawless.</p><p>"Brittany…what are you doing here?" I swallowed nervously.</p><p>"I'm doing exactly what I should have done 12 years ago. Can I come in please?"</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Brittany's POV</strong>
</p><p>Santana looked confused, but she stepped aside to let me in anyway. I watched as she fumbled with her hands, the way she always did when she was nervous. She didn't need to be. She sat on the bed, and I took the chair, not wanting to be too imposing on her space.</p><p>"Where's Sam?"</p><p>"He's sleeping." I admitted "The two of us called it a night around…20 minutes ago. It's winding down now, the party."</p><p>"Oh." Santana nodded, averting her eyes, unsure what to do with herself. I so desperately wanted to calm her. I hoped this news would do just that, after the inevitable initial shocked reaction she would have.</p><p>"Sam and I are getting the marriage annulled". I stated matter-of-factly, and I watched as she snapped her neck around to look at me. That got her attention.</p><p>"What!?"</p><p>"We both knew it wasn't right." I clarified, offering a small smile.</p><p>I watched Santana's face, adorably confused, as a thousand questions undoubtedly sprang through her mind.</p><p>"But…downstairs. You looked so happy together." she frowned "I've been watching you all night"</p><p>Her cheeks reddened at the admission, embarrassed by what she had just said, but I found it all rather touching.</p><p>"We didn't want anybody to know or suspect anything yet. We want to give it a few weeks before telling everyone, so that it looks like we've at least given it a try. People already thought we were crazy for getting married in less than 6 weeks. Imagine how they'd find out if they knew we were splitting up in less than 6 days".</p><p>I watched as Santana stood up from the bed and paced towards the window and back, clearly trying to process all of this new information I was throwing at her. I waited patiently for her to do this, admiring how beautiful she looked, fresh faced under the soft glow of the moonlight.</p><p>"Brit, can you even get an annulment? Don't you need to have reasonable grounds for a court to agree to that?"</p><p>"You do. And I've spoken to Denver at length about this, because Sam and I really didn't want to have to wait a year to be able to file for a divorce. I just want this chapter over with, a new start". I explained, and Santana was looking at me quizzically, I could tell the cogs were turning in her head and she was wondering what the reasonable grounds for annulment were.</p><p>"If you haven't consummated the marriage, you can file for annulment based on that. In the eyes of the law, the marriage isn't valid until you've done that. And since Sam and I are both in agreement that we haven't consummated it and we have no intention to, Denver reckons it will be a pretty straight-forward case".</p><p>Santana's eyes widened in shock.</p><p>"You haven't slept with Sam since the wedding?"</p><p>I shook my head.</p><p>"Not since you told me what you told me. I mean, how could I?" I sighed, before recounting the night in question "That night, when we got to our hotel in Columbia, I broke down and told Sam everything. About my feelings for you, about the letter, about the conversation we had on the rooftop. <em>All</em> of it. I told him that I was really sorry, but that I'd made the wrong choice and I'd rushed into things, and that I wished things could be different and I felt awful for doing it, but I had to be honest with him. I probably could have forced some form of happiness with him, if I never knew that you loved me, but the minute you told me that you did. There was no going back".</p><p>I paused for a moment, letting Santana take everything in, before continuing.</p><p>"Sam was crushed but…he agreed with me that we'd rushed into things way too much. And he also admitted that he was worried he was never going to find anybody to settle down and have kids with, especially because he's always on the road. So that had driven him to propose so quickly. It was a tough conversation, but by the end of it all, we both just agreed that we'd been insanely stupid and been caught up in the moment and done things way too quickly".</p><p>"Then what happened? Did you stay in Colorado together?"</p><p>"We stayed in Colorado until last night, because like I said, we didn't want to give anybody reason to doubt. But we only spent one night together in our suite, and Sam kindly offered to sleep on the couch. The next day, I moved and got a separate hotel, and I guess the both of us spent the time doing a lot of thinking. At least nobody knows any different, and they all just think we had this great mini moon. I hate lying to people, you know that but, we both agree that it'll be better breaking the news in a few weeks when everything has died down. Right now, they're all still buzzing from the excitement of the wedding itself, especially Sam's family".</p><p>I looked to Santana, and she was biting her lip, looking at her feet. I could tell she was deeply mulling over everything, and I got it. It was a lot to take in.</p><p>"It's a mess San, I know but…that's what you get for doing things without thinking them through properly".</p><p>"You're actually strangely calm about all this" said Santana.</p><p>"I know, but I've had a lot of time to think about things. This is far from the ideal situation. Who wants to get married and then decide on their wedding night they're either going to get divorced or get it annulled? I feel like my choices have hurt people, and they're probably going to hurt people again when Sam and I tell them about the annulment but, what else can I do? These are the consequences of my own actions; I've just got to do what I can now to make it right again".</p><p>Santana nodded her understanding.</p><p>"Plus, how can I be so angry and upset, when the outcome of all this was you revealing your feelings to me. Do you realise how long I've waited for you to say that? The months ahead might not be so easy, Sam and I are going to have to go to court and then there's all the stuff with our families. But Santana, I'd suffer it <em>all, </em>just for the tiny chance of being with you. Of hearing you say what you said the other night".</p><p>Santana's eyes fogged over, and as she blinked, tiny glass-like tears fell from her cheeks. I'd planned for every single question Santana was going to ask when I came here. Where Sam was, whether the annulment was going to be allowed, and now I needed to answer another question I knew she would want to ask but hadn't yet.</p><p>"And I know what you're thinking…that I've been avoiding you all day, and I have. But not because I didn't want to talk to you about everything and have that conversation we've been needing to have for years. Just because Sam and I needed to put on a front, and I knew that if I even went to speak to you for a second, I wouldn't be able to hold it together and keep it up. So, I always planned to come here at the end of the night and talk to you then. Sam knows I'm here by the way. Things are obviously over for us, but I respect him a lot, so I wanted to be upfront with him about what's going on".</p><p>"And…what exactly is going on?" Santana asked nervously.</p><p>I smiled. I had planned for that question too.</p><p>"I had a dream last night" I began, standing up to walk over to where Santana was, and Santana looked at me puzzled, then laughed. I know she was probably thinking, trust you to bring up your weird dreams at a time like this, but she should also know that there's always a method to my madness.</p><p>"What inanimate object were you this time? Let me guess, you were…a clip on a seatbelt? Or you had this wedding in mind, and you were a champagne cork? A garter, or a bouquet of flowers?"</p><p>I let out a breathy laugh, before turning serious, inching towards her so that we were facing each other closely.</p><p>"No, actually." I began, nervously. Knowing this was the moment. It had to come out just right.</p><p>"Actually, I was me, and you were you" I continued "Standing there, where you are right now…perfect".</p><p>I watched as Santana broke out into a smile, more tears adorned her beautiful face.</p><p>"And then I took you in my arms…like this" I smiled, placing my arms around Santana's waist causing her to giggle nervously, as she placed her own arms around my neck, our faces impossibly close together.</p><p>"And then I said, Santana Lopez…can I take you to the prom?" I whispered, my eyes boring into Santana's, watching her pupils dilate and her face break out into a smile.</p><p>"Better late than never" Santana whispered, and she laughed adorably through her tears, and I hadn't even realised the gravity of my own emotions until I felt my own cheeks wet. Her laugh, my favourite sound, ringing in my ears, caused me to laugh too.</p><p>She closed the gap between us and rested her forehead on mine, and I watched her squeeze her eyes tight shut, feeling the intensity of the emotions around her. And as she opened her eyes once more, looking at me through thick lashes, I slowly inched in the way I'd done so many times before, only this time there would be no pulling away.</p><p>My nose brushed against her lip, then her nose, before <em>finally;</em> our lips met.</p><p>I could feel her smiling into the kiss, and my heart was doing flips. Her lips so soft and supple, her hand placed delicately on the side of my face, whilst I held her by the waist, trying to pull her into me as much as possible because now that I had her, I wanted her as close as possible to me.</p><p>She pulled back slightly and laughed nervously in a way that sent my heart crazy, and rested her nose against mine, just staring. I could tell the same thoughts were running through her head that were running through mine. We were here at last.</p><p>She smiled at me, before closing her eyes again and pulling me back in.</p><p>This time the kiss was more passionate, and she threw her hands around my neck, whilst I brought my hand to her face, softly caressing her cheek with my thumb.</p><p>I don't know how long we kissed like that for, or how many times we pulled away only to be magnetically drawn back in again, but when we finally did pull away, I couldn't help the involuntary exclamation that came out of my mouth.</p><p>"Wow…"</p><p>"I know right?" Santana giggled, and she sat back on the bed, pulling me with her as our hands were still interlocked.</p><p>For a moment we just stared, both of us in sweet disbelief that <em>this</em>, although still relatively unspoken about, was finally happening.</p><p>I reached out to caress her cheek again, almost as if to check she was real, that this wasn't just a figment of my imagination that I had conjured up many times.</p><p>"Can I read you something?" I asked gently.</p><p>Santana nodded; eyes wide with anticipation as she wondered what I was about to do. I reluctantly tore myself away from her embrace and went over to my purse to retrieve the piece of paper that I had searched high and low for last night at my mom's house, in my old childhood bedroom. When I found it, I quickly went back to sit on the bed, where Santana was waiting for me.</p><p>"I wrote this for you the day after your 18th birthday. I planned to give you it when I came around but then, well you know…" I rambled, not wanting to ruin the moment by bringing up the forgotten kiss "But I always kept it, just in case you ever did change your mind. And it might have been a long 12 years, but my feelings remain the same, if not stronger. So…here goes" I breathed, before beginning to read.</p><p>"Santana…since knowing you, you have made my life more complete, more alive and more colourful. You have shown me the true meaning of happiness. There hasn't been a single day that you haven't made me smile, and I hope you can say the same for me, because your smile lights up my world. You're genuinely the most beautiful human inside and out, with the biggest heart, and I love you beyond words." My voice cracked with emotion as I said that, added with the intensity of Santana's gaze, and she instinctively reached out to take one of my hands, a mixture of wanting to be close to me and offering comfort so I could finish reading the letter.</p><p>"I've loved watching you grow and flourish from a 5-year-old fearless child, to the amazing 18-year-old woman you are today. I'd love nothing more, than to stand by your side forever and do life with you. Whether that be in New York, or Lima, or someplace else. So Sanny, will you make me the happiest girl in the world and be my girlfriend?"</p><p>As I finished reading, I noticed how much Santana was crying and I gently squeezed her hands to comfort her.</p><p>"I can't believe you wrote me that, and I never knew. I can't believe you felt like that for all this time and managed to keep it locked away inside" she shook her head in sadness, gently thumbing Brittany's hands.</p><p>"I just…I never told you because I really thought you didn't feel the same way. I mean, for ages I even thought you were straight. And I watched you date all the wrong guys, knowing that I could treat you so much better than they ever did, but there was no way I could ever bring the feelings up again and face rejection. Even after that weird peck we had at Taylor Swift. I was so sure you felt something that night but…I never dared to bring it up after everything that happened after your 18th. Did you feel something that night?" I asked curiously. Ever since Santana had confessed her love to me, I had been raking over every single memory, trying to uncover if there were any clues I didn't see.</p><p>Santana nodded.</p><p>"I definitely felt something. Like a weird energy between us. But Brit, I was so clueless back then about my feelings that I wrote it off as like…I don't know, concert euphoria" she laughed "the moment I did realise I was in love with you, it hit me full force, but for years I was honestly oblivious".</p><p>"I remember when you came out. I was so proud of you, but so shocked at the same time. I really didn't expect it, and I honestly thought for a minute that you were going to tell me you were in love with me. But then you mentioned Dani and, well…I guess that hurt more than I ever thought it would. Even though I was with Denver, I never really got over you".</p><p>"Brit, I'm so sorry, If I'd have known…"</p><p>"Shh" I soothed her gently, cupping her face to rid the panic from her eyes "It's not your fault Santana. You never knew how I felt, that's the whole point of everything right now. We both miscommunicated everything badly, but we're here now. Doing something about it".</p><p>Santana sniffed and nodded, emotions inevitably running high.</p><p>"I nearly told you once" I admitted.</p><p>"When?" Santana said, her brow creasing.</p><p>"The day I lost Poppy. It was the early hours of the morning, and we both had a pretty restless night, do you remember?"</p><p>I was surprised when Santana nodded, I had only remembered it myself because of the significance of the day, since just a few hours later I'd gone to the bathroom and discovered I was bleeding.</p><p>"You'd had an argument with Dani, and you'd accidentally told her about Denver's cheating and my pregnancy. You couldn't sleep because you were worried about how I'd react. I just remember holding you and willing you to sleep peacefully instead of worrying all the time and thinking about everything I wanted to tell you. I'd been so happy in that little bubble we had going on. Me back in Lima and living with you, you looking after me during my pregnancy, Mila in my life every day. It all just felt…<em>perfect</em>. And all I wanted to do was tell you all about the moment where I first fell in love with you, even though it was the middle of the night".</p><p>"When was that moment?" Santana asked curiously, the thought clearly occurring to her that she never even knew about the time i'd realised I was in love with her.</p><p>"It's so random, you probably won't even remember it, but obviously it's significant to me. We were 16, and you were working in that yoghurt shop. We ended up having a bit of a food fight, and I just remember looking at you in that teal shirt, <em>covered</em> in yoghurt, the two of us hysterically laughing. You had it on the end of the nose, and you just looked adorable. And I just thought…wow. I am so ridiculously in love with this girl. I kind of tried to push it away until we kissed, but I know in my heart that was the moment I realised I loved you. I probably loved you before that. I've probably loved you forever. But that was the moment I knew, and it's special to me".</p><p>Santana smiled deeply at the memory, her face flushing.</p><p>"I never knew that".</p><p>"Well you do now" I said softly.</p><p>"It's funny because, that night you're referring to, I <em>was </em>worried about you being mad at me for telling Dani everything. But I was also worried about something else".</p><p>"Oh, what was that?" I asked tenderly, my hands still clasping on tight to Santana's.</p><p>"She accused me of having feelings for you, and to be honest Brit, it scared me so much. I'd never thought about it before, and it made me reanalyse everything about our relationship. We had such a strong, beautiful and reliable friendship, I didn't want anything getting in the way of that, and I was so scared that this would. It's the reason why I put off telling you so many times".</p><p>"Is <em>that</em> when you realised you were in love with me?".</p><p>Santana shook her head, and I looked at her to continue.</p><p>"It wasn't the moment I realised, no. But I almost certainly did love you then. I think I probably loved you always. Since the day I met you. But I just didn't know that what we had was love, until it literally hit me like a truck. I remember it wasn't long after you lost Poppy. You'd been so strong and brave throughout the whole thing, and I just had so much admiration for you, and an overriding need to protect you forever. One night, I walked into Mila's room because I heard her cry out. She was having a nightmare. When I got there, I saw that you'd already got there first. You didn't see me, you both had your backs turned to me, but I watched you comforting Meels, and I just had this sudden realisation that <em>you</em> felt like home to me. That I was in love with you, and…I always had been".</p><p>"How come you never told me, when you did know?" I asked softly, wiping the tears from my eyes at the rawness of Santana's words. I wasn't mad that Santana hadn't told me, because I completely understood how scary it was to make yourself vulnerable like that, and risk ruining the best thing you ever had, but I was curious as to why.</p><p>"Well I didn't at first because you were recently grieving. I didn't want to tell you at a time where you were vulnerable, and take advantage of that you know? I stayed with Dani, but then she ended up proposing, and the night that I said no and ended things was the night I knew I had to tell you. Remember the next day, I took you to Faurot Park?"</p><p>I nodded, the scene was still burned in my mind, and I smiled at the thought of it. Santana really had gone all out that day.</p><p>"Well…<em>that</em> was when I was going to tell you".</p><p>I gasped audibly, because I remembered so well how she had told me she had something to tell me, but I had gone first with the news that I was going on the worldwide tour with Aladdin. That really did hurt my heart. She had gone to all that effort, and my big mouth had ruined it.</p><p>"Is that why…is that why you didn't tell me? Because I told you I was going away?"</p><p>Santana nodded sadly.</p><p>"I didn't want to ruin an opportunity for you, and I knew that if there was even a chance you felt the same, you wouldn't go. And Brit, you know how strongly I feel about you chasing your dreams, and me not wanting to hold you back. We've been there before".</p><p>The sadness in Santana's eyes was unbearable. How could she ever think she was holding me back from a dream, when <em>she</em> was my dream. She never would have held me back. Not when she covered up her pregnancy to stop me from dropping out on New York, and not if she'd told me about her feelings at Faurot Park and stopped me accepting the job.</p><p>"You know, the only reason I took that job, is because Dani warned me for interfering with your relationship. I said no to the job at first, because I was so happy being back in Lima, but then she said that, and I guess I didn't want to step on any toes, so I called Chris and I changed my mind…" I admitted, deciding if we were being honest, we may as well get everything out.</p><p>I saw the rage take over Santana's face instantly.</p><p>"She did what!?"</p><p>She pulled her hands from mine and went to stand up, but I stopped her, placing my hands on her arms and stroking her lightly knowing this would calm her.</p><p>"Babe, stay calm. This is years ago. The important thing is that we're here now" I soothed, and I kept the stroking motions up until I felt Santana relax. When I was satisfied, she was feeling calmer, I reached down to take her hands again.</p><p>"I guess I started dicking about with Dani once you were gone, just to <em>try </em>and fill the void you'd left in my heart when you went. It didn't work of course, but the plan was always to tell you how I felt when you came back." Santana said, and she gently reached out to smooth my furrowed brow, before continuing. "And then the custody battle happened with Puck and I was all caught up in that, and then you said you were going away again, and it just felt like as always we were on different pages. So that's when I decided to make a go of things properly with Dani again…"</p><p>I bit my lip in an attempt to suppress the sobs, but it didn't work. Santana grabbed onto my arms worriedly, her face etched with concern as she silently urged me to open up.</p><p>"It's just…we seem to have had all these moments where one of us have come close to telling the other, and then some obstacle has gotten in the way. It just feels like we've been cheated San. We could have been happy years ago, but instead, all we've had is pain".</p><p>Santana took me into her arms and rocked me gently as I cried, softly shushing my cries with sweet words.</p><p>"I know, I've been over this in my head so many times Brit, I really have. And it seems unfair to think that if I had just <em>remembered</em> that kiss, we could have been together at 18."</p><p>My heart stung at that. We could have been celebrating almost 12 years together right now. We could have been married with children, everything. Santana pulled apart to look at me.</p><p>"But then I remember, if that would have happened, we wouldn't have Moo".</p><p>I nodded my understanding, because Santana was right. I couldn't imagine my world without that little girl, and if Santana hadn't gone to prom with Puck that night, Mila wouldn't be here.</p><p>"And I think that's the same for everything." Santana continued "I really do think that, everything happens for a reason. There's obviously a reason why we've taken so long to talk about all this. There's probably so many alternate universes with different versions of us getting together years ago. But who's to say they're still together now? Nobody has the perfect life, so there's no way all these alternate versions of us are living happily ever after, while we've had all this misery. Maybe they're broken up or unhappy, or they've cheated on each other. Maybe one of them has lost the other in an even worse way. But we've had so much <em>pain</em> to get here Brit, that I can only imagine that the end to our story is one filled with pure happiness. And I always knew that the moment we'd finally tell each other, would be the right time for us to be able to have that happy ending. I'd rather have it this way and be happy with you forever, than have us get together prematurely and for everything to go wrong because the timing wasn't right. Does that make sense?"</p><p>I nodded through my tears, my beloved Santana's spiritual ways were always so beautiful and meaningful to me, even if I wasn't sure where I stood on all that.</p><p>"Time is so funny, it's…mystical almost. You never know what lies ahead of you, and how things are going to change for you over the years. You think you're going down one road, and then time will come along and change all that. And on so many occasions, it's played with us. It's cut us open, then it's healed us back up, only to cut us back open again. But through all of that, one single thread of gold, tied me to you."</p><p>Santana had told me years ago about this invisible string she believed tied us together, and I was beginning to think she was right.</p><p>And as I thought about all the blues that time had brought me, that were now finally emerging to purple pink skies of complete and utter happiness, Santana summed it up for the both of us in one simple sentence.</p><p>"The journey was hell. But it brought me heaven"</p><p>And she moved into claim my lips in a way that made me feel like I actually <em>was</em> in heaven. I felt so dizzy from the kiss, like I was seeing white, and I had to close my eyes. I tugged at Santana desperately, and I could feel her own tears mingling with my own. I felt her tongue slip against mine, but there was nothing sexy about this kiss, just raw, prolonged emotion.</p><p>When we pulled away, my face reflecting the happiness I saw in Santana's own eyes, I tried to steady my ragged breathing. On seeing Santana look so bashfully mesmerised, as she shook her head in disbelief at what was happening between us, I knew the chances of me containing my breathing were minimal.</p><p>"Do you think you'll actually <em>remember</em> that kiss in the morning, this time?" I nudged her playfully.</p><p>Santana pursed her lips thoughtfully.</p><p>"Hmmm…I'm not sure actually. Maybe you'll have to give me another one so that I can be sure" she smirked, slight raise of her brow, and she didn't even need to ask twice as I leaned in again, our faces fitting perfectly together as if they were always meant to be.</p><p>I can't believe I ever worried that things would be awkward between us. Kissing Santana, felt like the most natural thing in the world.</p><hr/><p>After I had changed into my pyjamas that I had brought in from my own room, just heavily assuming I'd be staying in here after our conversation. Not for any other reason than the fact it was awkward to stay in a room with Sam, especially when it involved sharing a bed. The night had been far too emotion filled to do anything but cuddle, and I knew that would be the case.</p><p>We lay back on the bed, in our little happiness bubble, Santana resting on my chest in a way we had done many times platonically. Only now it carried so much more meaning.</p><p>"I wanted to ask you something?" I asked carefully, my arms running soothing patterns up and down Santana's arm.</p><p>"Hmm?" she said softly, and I couldn't tell if she was sleepy or just wrapped in a happy relaxed bliss.</p><p>"Sam and I had a honeymoon booked to Hawaii. Obviously, we're not going anymore. He's going to go to LA instead, do some soul searching he said. I was planning on just holing myself up in my apartment back in New York, since everybody needs to think we're on honeymoon still, and it suits me to just have 2 weeks off work watching Netflix. But then Sam suggested it would be a shame to let it go to waste, and it was actually his idea that if you can get the time off work…you and I could go together?"</p><p>Santana moved so she was sitting up more to look at me.</p><p>"When is it booked for?"</p><p>"Not until Monday, so it gives us a couple of days to sort things out, and we'd be back on the 2nd in time for Mila's birthday. You don't have to say yes, it's just an idea, and I thought since we've got so much talking to do it would be great for us just to have 2 weeks uninterrupted and alone to connect and talk and explore everything…" I could feel myself rambling and Santana soon put her finger on my lips with an adorable smile.</p><p>"Brit, I would love to come!"</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Of course, really! I'll need to sort everything in the morning, obviously with work and having someone look after Mila. But if all is okay then I think it would be great for us".</p><p>I burst out into a smile, the thought of 2 weeks alone in the sun with Santana, making the steps towards happiness at last, was a thought that made my insides warm.</p><p>And as Santana settled contentedly back onto my chest, I felt the need to verbalise the words that clearly didn't need to be said because they were so heavily implied, but that had been suppressed for so long that I just wanted to shout it from the rooftops.</p><p>"I love you, Santana Lopez".</p><p>I looked down and watched Santana's eyes light up, a small smile forming on her face at my words, as she reached out for my hand and pressed a light kiss against my fingers.</p><p>"I love you too, Brittany Pierce".</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>That's the end of the daily updates for now, but I'll always aim to update weekly at least, and if I can get updates up quicker than that I always will. </strong>
  <strong>Hopefully you'll find this chapter leaves you in a good place until the next one though.</strong>
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  <strong>Until then, thank you for your comments and patience!</strong>
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  <strong>Brittana is on, and it was always on :)</strong>
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<a name="section0043"><h2>43. Chapter 43</h2></a>
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  <strong>Hey guys, I just wanna shout out a few people who have left me such amazing feedback over the last chapter(s). I appreciate your patience and love for this story so much, and it was a challenge pushing out daily chapters like that, but I'm glad it was all worth it! Special shoutouts to anyone who left a review but especially: chana, gleekfreak, WarriorSteph, Robin and nayasmin18, Keri and brookeleah99 for your continuous support on the story in this past week in particular.</strong>
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  <strong>Also to the people who have left more constructive criticism. Even if you have not ended up liking the story, it's good to hear your thoughts.</strong>
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  <strong>I just want to address the anonymous review around this story being a disappointing slow-burn because of the way things came together so quick in one chapter. Firstly, I really didn't feel I could have dragged it out any longer without killing the story, and in having their feelings for each other being realised so slowly after everything they've been through, to me would have done just that. Secondly, I always have to go with the way I feel the characters would react organically, and I felt them having that talk after years of pent up mutual feelings, was the organic way for them. These two have been in love for years, and had so many missed opportunities, so I always knew when the time came for them to realise their feelings it would be instantaneous in how fast everything would unwrap and all their hidden feelings would spill out. They wouldn't have been able to hold it in any longer. But what I will say, is there is still a long way to go in the story in terms of them developing as a couple and figuring out their new relationship together, and making that transition from friends to lovers and the way that impacts those around them. So I hope if you managed to stick with it, you'll enjoy that element of it, but thank you regardless for the feedback.</strong>
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  <strong>Hope you enjoy this one guys! 40 or so chapters of their friendship turning to more and all those pain-filled missed opportunities. Now onto to the second part of their journey, building their lives together :)</strong>
</p><hr/><p>Santana woke up from an amazing dream about her and Brittany <em>finally</em> getting it together, to Mila's hand lightly tapping her face. Then she realised it wasn't a tap, more a stroke. And as she opened her eyes to adjust to her surroundings, she realised the hand didn't belong to her daughter, it belonged to Brittany. Last night hadn't been a dream at all. Brittany really was here, lying with her, tenderly stroking her face with a smile.</p><p>"Morning beautiful" she whispered.</p><p>"Morning" Santana smiled back, her voice a mere croak.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you, but I couldn't resist not seeing you to say goodbye, before I had to leave."</p><p>Santana glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It was just past 7am, and it felt like they had barely slept.</p><p>"You're leaving already?" she pouted.</p><p>"I don't want to, but I really need to. Breakfast starts at 8am, and I need get out of here before people see me and wonder why I'm leaving your room and I'm not with my husband".</p><p>Santana nodded her understanding.</p><p>"Yeah I should probably text Quinn actually, I said I'd meet her downstairs" her eyes bore into Brittany's soft blue eyes "I'll miss you though".</p><p>"I'll miss you too" Brittany smiled, dabbing her finger playfully on Santana's nose "But hopefully, in a few days' time, we'll be sunning it up in Hawaii together. Then we'll have <em>all</em> the time in the world".</p><p>"Does that mean we'll have all the time in the world to do things like this?" Santana smirked, before leaning forward to capture Brittany's lips into a deep kiss. A kiss that Brittany gladly reciprocated.</p><p>It was strange. Not 12 hours had passed since they'd made the move from best friends, to whatever they were now. It didn't feel as awkward as it probably should have felt, because it felt like they had both been waiting for this moment for years. There was no label on what they were yet, just a mutual understanding that they both loved each other, and a willingness to explore that together.</p><p>Of course, there were still obstacles to come; Brittany being married and having to tell everyone they were getting said marriage annulled, the fact they lived in different states, telling people about their new-found relationship with each other, and also the fact Brittany had never actually been with a girl before. But it was something they were prepared to face together, and though they weren't quite sure where the journey would take them, doing it hand-in-hand just felt right to them.</p><p>"Okay I <em>really</em> gotta go" Brittany said, reluctantly pulling away as Santana let out a groan. "I'll see you downstairs anyway, but text me when you know about Hawaii".</p><p>They both knew that in the breakfast room they were going to have to act like just friends, so now was the goodbye. This wouldn't feel so difficult if they hadn't had to wait so long for each other in the first place. Now they finally had each other, but for the time being had to sneak around. They both knew that it would all be worth it, and as Santana pulled Brittany in for one last kiss, she felt the butterflies swirling around her stomach. She knew being with Brittany would be amazing, but nothing prepared her for how intensely good it would feel. It was better in real life than it ever was in her imagination.</p><hr/><p>As Santana greeted Quinn outside of the breakfast hall, she let out a giggle, seeing how she looked a little worse for wear. She couldn't resist teasing her about it.</p><p>"Well it looks like <em>someone </em>had a good night after I left them".</p><p>Quinn rolled her eyes.</p><p>"Don't even start okay? I need like every form of liquid they have, and then we can talk" she groaned, heading straight over to the drinks station.</p><p>Quinn wasn't lying, and Santana had to laugh when Quinn returned to the table armed with a tea, a coffee, an orange juice <em>and</em> a cranberry juice. As soon as she sat down, she filled her glass with water from the jug on the table, and sank it back in one, before refilling it and making a start on the coffee.</p><p>Santana glanced to her right where Brittany and Sam were already seated, and when Brittany turned to stare at her she offered a shy wave. Brittany returned the wave, a coy smile splashed on her face, and as Quinn glanced up to see what was distracting Santana, she stopped talking about having to stop by Lima Memorial for an IV fluid drip since she was sure she was dying of thirst, and her mouth dropped open.</p><p>"Oh my god!"</p><p>Santana snapped out of her trance and span back around to face Quinn, her cheeks flushing since she had obviously been caught.</p><p>"What!?"</p><p>"Something's happened between you two hasn't it?"</p><p>"What? No! What gave you that impression?" Santana panicked. They were meant to be keeping things on the down low after all, and she didn't want anything to ruin that.</p><p>"Santana please!" Quinn laughed "It's written all over your face. Yesterday when you looked at her, your face was full of despair. Now the two of you are exchanging flirty looks from opposite sides of the room. I'm not stupid babe".</p><p>Santana swallowed. Were they really that obvious?</p><p>"Okay, okay, but <em>please </em>keep your voice down! We're supposed to be keeping this quiet for the time being".</p><p>"You have my word!" Quinn smirked "But tell me <em>everything</em>".</p><p>So, Santana recounted the story of Brittany turning up at her door just after Quinn had left, and the long talk they'd had about their mutual hidden feelings, and how they had finally kissed, and that Brittany wasn't going to be staying with Sam, plus Brittany's offer for Santana to join her in Hawaii.</p><p>Quinn squealed, squeezing Santana's hand excitedly, as Santana warned her once again to keep the noise down, nervously glancing around to check nobody else was listening. But having known Santana and Brittany were perfect for each other all along, Quinn was just so happy for her best friend.</p><p>"I mean, I'm so glad I left when I did!" Quinn joked "After all that, you didn't need me anyway. Speaking of, how was the sex? Was it mind-blowing and passionate? Was it everything you hoped for and more?" she winked.</p><p>"No Quinn I- we haven't done <em>that</em> yet" Santana shook her head.</p><p>"Oh. Sorry I just assumed, after <em>years</em> of pent up tension between you, and the fact you had a nice hotel room, that you wouldn't be able to keep your hands off each other".</p><p>"No, last night was <em>way</em> too emotional for any of that. We just did a lot of talking, and it was needed. I mean, don't get me wrong, obviously I want to – <em>badly, </em>but...I want to make sure I do things the right way. I really care about Brittany the way I've never cared about anyone else before, and it's taken us so long to get here, I don't wanna screw that up. It's deeper than just sex, you know? Plus, Brittany hasn't ever been with a girl before, so I wanna leave it up to her for how fast or slow we take it".</p><p>Quinn nodded her understanding.</p><p>"So, what happens now for the two of you?"</p><p>Santana chanced a look at Brittany, who was spreading butter on her toast. A smile immediately lit up her face as she watched the blonde, before she turned her attention back to Quinn.</p><p>"Well I guess we have a lot more talking to do, some time to transition into this new "period" we're in. Hawaii will be perfect for that, but I just need to see if I can get the time off work and if my mom will watch Mila".</p><p>"I can watch Mila for you. That's half the job done". Quinn smiled confidently.</p><p>"But what about work?" Santana frowned.</p><p>"Well that's the beauty of being the manager, I can take time off whenever I want" Quinn laughed "Claire will have it covered, and I can just drop it when Mila is at school". said Quinn, referring to the Assistant Manager who she trusted very well.</p><p>"Well if you're sure?" Santana checked. Quinn staying with Mila would be a hell of a lot easier, since she knew where Santana was actually going. Santana was going to have to tell Maribel she was going on a business trip, since she couldn't know she was going away with Brittany, who was supposed to be on her honeymoon with Sam. Santana would need to tell Maribel about her going out of state either way, but she could just drop it in passing over the phone if she already had Quinn looking after Mila, in favour of her mother's infamous Spanish inquisition she would inevitably receive if she had to go around there to drop Mila off.</p><p>"Two weeks with my awesome goddaughter? Of course, I'm sure. We're going to have the best time".</p><p>The two of them were suddenly interrupted, by Finn awkwardly hovering over them.</p><p>"Hey Quinn" he smiled, before turning to nod at Santana "Santana".</p><p>"Hey" both girls said in unison, Santana eyeing him up questioningly.</p><p>"I uh…just wanted to give you this" Finn fumbled, sliding a piece of paper across to Quinn "You know after last night…"</p><p>And as Santana's eyes grew wide at the realisation that they so obviously got it on last night, she watched as Quinn screwed her eyes shut in embarrassment.</p><p>"Thanks, Finn".</p><p>Finn scratched the back of neck nervously, as Santana suppressed her laughter.</p><p>"Okay well I uh…I better get going. Bye girls." he muttered, before crashing into an incoming waiter pushing a trolley "Sorry erm…it's this way, I need to go this way" he said, turning on his heel away from the angry looking waiter who bent down to clean the dropped items.</p><p>Quinn rolled her eyes to the high heavens, and Santana burst out laughing as they watched Finn scutter off, likely kicking himself with embarrassment.</p><p>"Well…it looks like <em>someone</em> did in fact get laid last night" Santana smirked; her eyebrows raised teasingly.</p><p>"Shut up Lopez" Quinn blasted, but she couldn't contain her laughter either.</p><p>"And in true Quinn Fabray style, you have turned the boy to jelly" Santana laughed, as she picked up the number he had left on the table, playing with it in her hands "You gonna call him?"</p><p>Quinn paused for a second before letting out her signature scoff.</p><p>"As if!"</p><hr/><p>Getting the time off work was easier than Santana thought it would be. She had throughout her years there rarely ever used her full yearly entitlement for vacation days, the one exception being 2015 when she went to the UK to visit Brittany. Her boss loved her. She was hardworking, loyal and always went the extra mile, so he agreed, thinking it would be good for Santana to have some time to herself, especially after a tough year with the recent loss of her father and her relationship breakdown. He of course didn't know that the reason she was even going on this trip, was because she was about to start a new relationship with the woman she had loved for years, but he didn't need to know the ins and outs. No one did.</p><p>As Monday rolled around, with Mila safely delivered to Quinn, on the pretence that mommy was on a business trip (Santana hated not telling her the truth, but she knew why they couldn't say anything yet), Santana headed to Columbus International Airport. A place where she had shed many tears and said many sad goodbyes to Brittany, but today the only feeling she had was one of excitement and extreme happiness. She wasn't heading to the airport to wave Brittany off, she was there to greet her instead, and it had felt like a <em>long </em>couple of days without her. It made Santana worry about how she was going to cope when Brittany did go back to New York, but it was something she wasn't prepared to let herself think about right now.</p><p>As Santana headed into the terminal and found Brittany waiting for her by the check in desks as discussed, she found herself running towards her. Brittany had her arms open for a hug before Santana even reached her, and while Santana would have totally got in for the kiss, she could understand why now might not be the time or place. They were still in Ohio, so chances of seeing somebody they knew were still high.</p><p>It had actually worked out cheaper to book new last-minute flights rather than do a name change from Sam Evans to Santana Lopez, so they had done just that. This meant when it came to checking in, they were given separate seats, and Santana had to laugh at Brittany's adorable pout as they checked their tickets after coming through security.</p><p>"We have the <em>whole </em>two weeks to spend together, just the two of us" said Santana, cupping Brittany's face softly, her eyes wandering and aware of passers-by. She knew she was being almost too wary, because even as friends they had always been overly tactile. Brittany soon diminished her worry, by placing her own hand over Santana's and offering her a smile.</p><p>"Let's go get some wine. We have a long journey ahead of us, and now that I know I have to spend hours so close, yet so far from you, I <em>definitely</em> need the wine". Brittany laughed; her tone dramatic, as she pulled Santana towards the airport bar.</p><hr/><p>The journey wasn't as bad as expected. Their first flight from Columbus to Denver, Colorado was only 3 hours long, and whilst Brittany took full advantage of the in-flight entertainment system, Santana spent the time listening to music. As Brittany passed to use the restroom for the third time in an hour, it really being just an excuse for her to stop by Santana and chat to her for a few minutes, she peered over at Santana's iPhone with a curious smile.</p><p>"What you listening to?"</p><p>"Nothing!" Santana exclaimed, her cheeks flushing as she hid the phone from Brittany's view. Now Brittany really was curious, and a playful glint appeared in her eye. She knew exactly what to do to get the phone from Santana, and she began tickling her, ignoring the frowns from the grumpy looking man seated next to the Latina.</p><p>Santana started laughing hysterically, unable to catch her breath and pleading with Brittany to stop.</p><p>"Okay, please, please! I'll show you; I'll show you".</p><p>As Santana loosened her grip on the phone, Brittany knew instantly the reason for her embarrassment. Santana had been listening to a love playlist. Santana looked up at Brittany nervously.</p><p>"I know, I know, I've become one of those cliché's who's all happy and loved up, so now I'm listening to an abundance of Adele songs. Don't tease me okay?"</p><p>But all Brittany could do was bend down and give Santana a light kiss on the cheek. Not only did she look adorably embarrassed, the thought of Santana being so happy and loved up because of her, so much so that she was listening to love songs, was just so endearing to Brittany.</p><p>When they had landed in Denver, they had a short stopover before their 8-hour flight to Maui. With the flight being longer, they made sure they stocked up on snacks, and headed to the bathroom to freshen up, with not much time left to do anything else before they needed to board again. The layover had proven advantageous though, because it meant Brittany could pull Santana in for a long deep kiss in the bathroom, no need to worry about PDA since they were the only ones in there.</p><p>"What was that for?" Santana grinned softly, touching her bottom lip, because she was so sure there were currents of electricity flying out of it.</p><p>"I've just waited way <em>too</em> <em>many</em> days to be able to do that, so I needed to do it now before we're back on a plane again" Brittany laughed.</p><p>"You think that will be enough to keep us going for the next 8 or so hours?" Santana smirked.</p><p>Brittany leaned forward again to capture Santana's lips, in a shorter but equally as sweet kiss.</p><p>"It is now" she winked, as Santana smiled, her head dizzy with happiness. Now that she knew what it felt like to kiss Brittany's velvety lips, she never wanted to stop. They were like a pair of love-struck teenagers.</p><p>The flight to Maui, although longer, actually went by pretty quick. Both girls fell asleep at some point, which made the journey go a hell of a lot quicker. Before long, Brittany was woken by a gentle tap on her shoulder, just before they made their descent into Maui.</p><p>"Hmm?" she groaned</p><p>"Brit, wake up" came the soft voice, belonging to Santana.</p><p>Brittany squeezed her eyes tight shut, struggling to open them, as she stretched. When she finally did manage to peel them open, they were met by love-filled, tender brown orbs, staring right back at her with an apologetic smile.</p><p>"Sorry babe, I just didn't want you to miss this" Santana whispered, wary not to wake the other passengers, as she gestured to the sunrise forming outside the window.</p><p>As Brittany stared out at the sigh, enveloped in angry hues of burnt orange, melting into vibrant yellows and soft pink, she audibly gasped.</p><p>"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Santana said, as she watched Brittany take in the sight.</p><p>Brittany nodded sleepily, before flashing Santana a smile.</p><p>"I guess that makes <em>two</em> beautiful sights to wake up to this morning" she sighed contentedly, admiring the sight of Santana's rounded cheeks, turning crimson. When she smiled, the dimple in her left cheek appeared, and it was a sight that had always turned Brittany crazy. Now she knew she was for sure the reason behind her smiles, it was driving her <em>even</em> crazier.</p><p>The seatbelt sign flashed on; and Santana had to reluctantly return back to her seat. But as the two of them stared out the window, they were filled with excitement for the two weeks ahead.</p><hr/><p>The drive from the airport to their resort took 30 minutes, and Santana had no idea what to expect. Brittany had at least seen a few pictures, but for the most part she had let Sam pick everything. She had just tossed Sam her credit card, meaning luckily it was her name on the booking, and he hadn't even thought to book it under her new marital name. She was somewhat relieved when she asked Sam the details and he said it was simply reserved under Brittany Pierce. Having to explain why she was there as Mrs Evans without her husband, would be awkward to say the least.</p><p>As they walked into Hotel Wailea, both girls glanced around in awe. The resort was like something out of a movie, the epitome of a romantic sanctuary, tucked away from the beachfront crowds. They both felt an immediate sense of tranquillity, as they walked past the cascading waterfalls and wooden architecture. Avocado and mango trees adorned the walkways, with timber footbridges crossing koi ponds to lead you into the lobby.</p><p>The lobby was spectacular in itself, overlooking the ocean and looking down over West Maui, with views of Molokini and Kahoolawe. The open rafters contained a nest of love birds, that sang out as soon as Santana and Brittany walked in, their very own songbirds there to greet them. It was so perfect, that Santana felt like it was a real pinch me moment, while Brittany wondered if she'd be able to appreciate the resort in all its beauty, had she come here with Sam instead.</p><p>"It's like…Animal Kingdom, but better" Brittany said, gazing around in awe. And Santana let out a laugh, because only her sweet Brittany could make everything a comparison to Disney World.</p><p>They walked over to the desk to check in, any tiredness they felt from their journey had long withered away, and they were greeted by a friendly woman.</p><p>"Hi, welcome to Hotel Wailea, my name is Kayla and I'll be checking you in today. Could I please have the name on your reservation?"</p><p>"Yes, it's Brittany Pierce" Brittany smiled.</p><p>As Kayla pulled up their reservation, she happily chatted away to Santana and Brittany, asking them the standard questions about their journey and if it was their first time visiting Hawaii.</p><p>"Oh, well I don't need to ask you what your reason for visiting is, I see that you are both here on your honeymoon! Congratulations!" she smiled widely.</p><p>Brittany froze, and she turned to Santana who looked just as nervous. Clearly Sam had booked them the honeymoon package and forgot to change it. Now that they were here, it would have been extremely awkward for Brittany to explain she wasn't on her honeymoon, and that she was here with her "friend" instead, having split from her husband already.</p><p>"No, we…" Santana began, but Brittany cut her off.</p><p>"Yes, yes we are!" Brittany smiled enthusiastically, digging her elbow into Santana so that she would go along with the plan.</p><p>"That's awesome! My sister is actually a lesbian, and she gets married herself next year" she smiled to herself "Sorry, I'm going off on a tangent. It just makes me really happy seeing two women in love, after seeing first-hand all of the struggles my sister went through. I'll be right back, just need to go and get your key. It's Mrs Pierce as well, I'm assuming?"</p><p>Santana realised Kayla was addressing her and she swallowed nervously. Hearing herself being addressed as Brittany's wife and referred to as Mrs Pierce, albeit not real, was doing something to her insides.</p><p>"Um…yeah" Santana stuttered.</p><p>The two of them watched Kayla go off, and whisper something to the bellman, before she went off to get the keys. As soon as she was out of earshot, Santana turned to Brittany.</p><p>"Babe, we're not in Ohio anymore you know? We don't need to worry about people wondering why you're not with Sam. Nobody knows us or our story here".</p><p>"I know but imagine the awkwardness of having to explain I'm no longer on my honeymoon. She would have thought I was crazy" Brittany laughed "it's only a teeny-tiny white lie. This is kind of still my honeymoon, just…not with the man I married".</p><p>"I guess…" Santana laughed.</p><p>"Do you have a problem playing my wife for two weeks, Mrs Pierce?" Brittany nudged her playfully, a seductive glint in her eye, causing Santana's stomach to do flips.</p><p>She swallowed nervously. She didn't have a problem playing Brittany's wife at all. The problem was, she was enjoying the sound of it way too much, for someone she had effectively just started dating.</p><p>"Actually…I think it has a rather nice ring to it" Santana raised her eyebrows with a smirk, mimicking Brittany's playful behaviour. "Just don't expect me to carry you over the threshold", she winked.</p><p>"Pleaseeee!" Brittany scoffed "we both know that <em>I'd</em> be the one carrying <em>you</em>".</p><p>They didn't have time to carry on their playful chat, because Kayla returned.</p><p>"Okay Mrs and Mrs Pierce, I've handed your keys over to Marcus, he'll escort you to your room." she smiled, gesturing over to a different bellman than the one she had earlier whispered to.</p><p>"We upgraded your package to the honeymoon suite, which is on the top floor, and I'll have someone deliver your bags to you right away. Breakfast is included for you every morning, and you can either have that down at the restaurant, or we'll deliver it to your room so you can eat on your lanai. The WiFi is free, and you can find the code just here" said Kayla, pointing to the code on the brochure she had handed them "We also offer a complimentary car valet service, and a beach valet service, so we can provide you with beach chairs, towels, umbrellas and water, as well as any water sports equipment you may wish to rent. We highly recommend the ocean view restaurant and the cocktail lounge, so if you need any help making reservations, we can do that for you here, as well as helping you with any island activities. Is there anything I can do for you in the time being?"</p><p>Kayla asked politely, as Santana nodded her head trying to take all the information in. She looked at Brittany to check she had nothing to ask, then turned back to Kayla.</p><p>"Nope, I think that's everything!" Santana smiled appreciatively.</p><p>"Perfect!" Kayla grinned "Well, have a great stay with us Mrs and Mrs Pierce, and I really hope you enjoy your Honeymoon. Congratulations, once again"</p><p>"Thank you" Santana and Brittany replied, both in unison, their expressions slightly sheepish.</p><hr/><p>Marcus politely led them to the top floor, before handing over the key for Brittany to do the honours.</p><p>"Your bags should be up in a moment. Is there anything else I can do for you here, Mrs and Mrs Pierce?"</p><p>"No, I think we're good. Thank you, Marcus." Brittany smiled, as she reached into her purse for a tip.</p><p>When he had gone the girls both giggled.</p><p>"<em>Of course</em>, we've been upgraded to the honeymoon suite!" said Brittany.</p><p>"I've never received a free upgrade in my life. If being married to you brings me this kind of luck, maybe I should actually pop the question" Santana laughed.</p><p>As Brittany opened the door, the two of them certainly had no regrets about pretending to be married, when they saw the room they were staying in. With a vaulted ceiling and panoramic ocean views, and a large king bed that had been covered in rose petals, it was <em>certainly</em> the romantic honeymoon experience.</p><p>A tropical fruit platter had been left for them on the table, alongside a bottle of Laurent Perrier Brut, and a note that read "Congratulations Mrs and Mrs Pierce". Santana made an educated guess that the other bellman they saw Kayla whispering to, had quickly set this up for them.</p><p>Their room even came equipped with a hot tub out on the large lanai, which offered the most spectacular ocean view when you stood on it. With the table and chairs set out on there, Brittany decided in her head there and then that this was the perfect place for them to eat breakfast, rather than mingle with the other hotel guests.</p><p>"God San! I'm not even sure we'll need to leave the room…" Brittany gasped, spinning around to admire every angle.</p><p>"I know! Brit this is amazing!" Santana squealed, taking hold of Brittany's hands and squeezing them with her own "<em>Totally</em> worth the white lie" she winked.</p><p>They gazed down at the large pool, littered with private cabanas, and Brittany's eyes lit up.</p><p>"Okay I know I just said we won't need to leave our room, but I <em>so</em> wanna be down there!" Brittany exclaimed, jumping up and down like an excited five-year-old, melting Santana's heart in the process.</p><p>"Well what are we waiting for? Let's go change into our swimwear and get down there!" Santana grinned, mirroring Brittany's excitement.</p><p>As Brittany ran to change into her bikini, deciding they could leave the boring bit of unpacking until later in favour of making the most of the days sun, Santana walked over to the champagne. She figured they had to pop this open now and toast their vacation.</p><p>She struggled for a few minutes with the stiff cork, her face screwing up with determination, until Brittany appeared in her blue bikini that left little to the imagination. The colour of the garment only accentuated Brittany's aqua eyes further, making them sparkle in the light. Santana had of course seen Brittany in a bikini many times before, but this felt different.</p><p>Her mouth dropped open at the sight of Brittany, at the very same moment the pop corked, startling them both.</p><p>The sound was enough to bring Santana back to reality, and she laughed nervously, pouring the champagne into the glasses, as she tried to clear her brain of all the thoughts she was having. This vacation, being around a half-naked Brittany covered in lotion was going to be the end of her, she was sure of it.</p><p>Brittany smirked, because she could see the effect she was having on Santana, and how her appearance had caused her to loosen her grip on the bottle sending the cork flying.</p><p>But Santana managed to compose herself and handed Brittany her glass, before picking up her own.</p><p>"Well…here's to the start of an amazing two weeks together here in Hawaii. Cheers wifey!" Brittany winked, the joke having a calming effect on Santana's nerves.</p><p>"Cheers, Mrs Pierce!" she winked back, before taking a looooong sip to steel her thoughts and regain her composure from this effect Brittany was having her.</p><p>It was going to be an eventful two weeks.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Next up: a couple of sun-filled chapters in Hawaii, filled with fluff and also lots of talk about their journey moving forward :) </strong>
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<a name="section0044"><h2>44. Chapter 44</h2></a>
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  <strong>Thanks for the reviews as always guys, and a huge thank you to all you silent readers too who are still on this journey. This is my first story and I'm really enjoying seeing the various reactions and improving myself as I go.</strong>
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  <strong>A Santana POV chapter for you as the girls enjoy their first week in Hawaii, the second week will be in Brittany's :) Then we get into all that good stuff as they slide into life back at home. I know lots of you are excited to see the dynamic with Mila, so stay tuned!</strong>
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  <strong>Enjoy, and as always, would love to hear your thoughts! It's weird writing fluff for them after so much angst haha.</strong>
</p><hr/><p>The first day in paradise was spent lounging in a cabana by the pool, curled up on the bed together, with Brittany reading a book and myself thumbing through various magazines. We enjoyed lazy kisses and tropical cocktails, taking full advantage of the happy hour on offer. Tired from all of the sun and alcohol, I was glad we came to the easy decision to order room service for our first night, rather than go out for dinner. As we sat out on the lanai in the warm evening air, I felt a wave of contentment take over me and settle in my bones. My salmon and Japanese yam had been delicious, and I couldn't help but smile as I watched Brittany tucking into her poke bowl, her nose slightly pinkened as I admired the flush of freckles adorning her face, caused by the Hawaiian rays. She was so effortlessly beautiful, and I couldn't believe that <em>I</em> was the one sitting here with her.</p><p>I reached out and brushed my hand tentatively against hers, the fact I could openly do that now being so new to me, smiling even wider when she interlocked fingers with my own.</p><p>"This really has been the most perfect day Brit" I sighed.</p><p>"Oh, undoubtedly so" Brittany nodded "It's like being in heaven. And we have a whole two weeks of this."</p><p>She crinkled her nose in an adorable fashion, and I felt my breath hitch. My emotions had been haywire all day, having to be around Brittany in a bikini, married with the fact that I had waited so long to have her. But I also didn't want to rush things, so I leaned forward to give Brittany a light kiss on the head and stood up in an effort to calm myself down.</p><p>"I'm just going to go and take a quick shower B, I'm so sticky from all of the sunscreen. Not to mention a little sweaty." I told her, blushing at my choice of words as I watched Brittany's eyes travel down my "sticky and sweaty" body.</p><p>"Okay honey, I'll clear these plates away and have someone come and collect them and pour us a glass of wine" said Brittany, her hair blowing in the breeze, soft and frizzing at the ends from when she had washed it earlier, choosing to shower as soon as we got back to the room whilst I had ordered dinner for us.</p><p>When I got into my own shower, I made sure it was a cold one, because I damn sure needed it and not only for just the heat. I knew that tonight was the first proper night alone in a bed with Brittany since <em>everything, </em>and I didn't know what the implications were behind that. Communication <em>clearly </em>hasn't been our strong point in the past, but first-time sex with someone isn't something you address even if you're as good at talking as Oprah. Talking about it completely kills the mood, it just happens, but not knowing when that was going to be and how it was going to go down was driving me crazy.</p><p>I've wanted Brit for so long. In <em>every</em> sense. Emotionally, physically, romantically and sexually, but I was hyper aware of the latter being a big step for us since it was uncharted territory. Was it going to be awkward at all? There was also the fact that it was Brittany's first time with a girl, and I should know from experience, how daunting that could be. I wanted it to be special for her, and for her to enjoy it. My relationship with Dani may not have been great or right for me, but I won't deny the effort she put in to make my first time with a girl memorable. I wanted that for Brittany ten-fold. But I also didn't want to make a scene that made her feel like it had to happen at a certain time. If I went all out one night with rose-petals on the bed and dim candlelight, maybe she'd feel pressured to do it before she actually wanted to. I wanted it to be natural and organic. <em>Then </em>there was the fact I'd assumedly have to take the lead, and that felt like <em>a lot</em> of pressure. What if Brittany thought I sucked at it? What if she hated it so much, she decided being with a woman wasn't for her and went back to men again?</p><p>I splashed my face with water as I became aware of how irrational my thoughts were heading. I knew I was overthinking it way too much.</p><p>"For god sake Santana, you're turning 30 this year! Get a grip!" I hissed to myself.</p><p>As I got out of the shower and wrapped myself in quite possibly the softest towel I'd ever felt, ignoring the water pooling at my feet as I stared into the mirror to give myself one of my infamous silent pep talks.</p><p>No. Sex with Brittany was going to be amazing, because it's the one person I ever truly loved. To finally be able to connect with her on such a deep, intimate level and make her feel as good as she deserved to feel. would be beautiful regardless of how and when it unfolded. If I could remember that, everything else would be fine and fall into place. I just needed to go in there tonight with no expectations, and when it's meant to happen it will happen, and it will be right. Just like the way our love unfolded at the time it was meant to.</p><p>But as I walked out of the bathroom after hastily throwing on my night clothes, my mouth involuntarily tugging upwards into a soft smile at the sight before me, I realised I needn't have worried about any of that tonight. Brittany was fast asleep on top of the bed, the TV blaring out and a barely touched glass of wine clasped tightly in her hand. Clearly the travelling from the night before and the long day in the sun had caught up with her, and she was out like a light by 9pm. I quietly moved over to the bed and gently prised the wine out of her hand, setting it on the table, before turning off the lights and the TV. Then I scooted onto the bed and pulled the light throw over us, making sure Brittany was covered because I knew from countless sleepovers that despite her body always feeling like a radiator and despite us being in a hot state, she always got chilly in the night. Suddenly I felt ready for sleep as well, and as I wrapped my arms around Brittany's torso, I couldn't resist placing the softest of kisses behind her ear as I felt her melt into me. Brittany had said earlier that being in Hawaii was like being in heaven, but <em>this</em> was heaven to me. Just me and her, lying on the bed. I knew despite my worries that ultimately the sex was going to be more than great, but what was even greater was being so emotionally and physically close to her right now in this moment, with her in my arms; exactly where she belonged.</p><hr/><p>First to sleep, first to wake up seemed to be the way, when I woke up to an excitable Brittany telling me to come out to the lanai because breakfast was ready, and she had a whole day planned out for us. I took her hand and used my free hand to rub the sleep from my eyes, but all grogginess seemed to wilt away when the hot morning air hit me, and I saw the breakfast neatly presented on the table. Pastries, bacon, yoghurt, fresh fruit, 3 different types of eggs. There was pretty much everything, you name it.</p><p>"I didn't know what you wanted so I kinda ordered everything" Brittany smiled coyly.</p><p>"How did you manage to sneak the waiter in and get all this set out without waking me?" I laughed, half in shock, half amazement.</p><p>"Come on babe. It's you. You sleep through anything on a morning" Brittany laughed, before leading me over to the table, our hands still entwined. As we sat down, our hands outstretched over the table, I dropped a lingering kiss on her fingers to show my appreciation. A gesture that send the blood rushing straight to her cheeks, which in turn sent my insides into a puddle. Oh god. We were going to be <em>that</em> couple weren't we?</p><p>"So, tell me these plans that you have for us today?" I raised my eyebrows after a while, still picking at the food even though by now I was insanely full.</p><p>Brittany raised her eyebrows in return and simply shook her head with a smile.</p><p>"Ah-ah-ah, you know me better than to know I <em>never</em> ruin a surprise"</p><p>"No fair" I pouted, crossing my arms in faux disappointment.</p><p>"Maybe not" said Brittany "But if you're going to pout like that every time, I do something unfair, I might just have to do it more often."</p><p>"Oh really? Why's that?" I challenged, a smirk across my face at the playful flirting.</p><p>"Because you" she said grabbing my face and placing a firm kiss on my lips " just..look..so..damn..cute..like..that"</p><p>And as she enunciated every word with a kiss that grew softer each time, I found myself agreeing that she needed to be "unfair" and cause me to pout more often.</p><hr/><p>The surprise Brittany had planned unfolded pretty quickly when she led us outside the resort to a waiting '57 Porsche Speedster. I turned to her in confusion to find her flicking the keys around her pinkie with a smile on her face.</p><p>"It's ours for the morning babe" she said, gesturing to the silver vintage vehicle.</p><p>I squealed in excitement and placed a noisy kiss on Brittany's cheek.</p><p>"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I told her excitedly, annunciating each thank you with a kiss, mustering up all my appreciation for her and all the little things she always does to make me smile. She knew my love for cars, so of course she had gone and pulled something like this out of the bag.</p><p>"I took you to prom in that Lexus, but I didn't actually get to <em>go</em> to the prom with you. Consider this my second chance at taking you out in a fancy car, only this time I don't have to part ways with you when we reach our destination" she smiled softly, blue eyes sparkling, brightly in the sun as I felt my own eyes water at her words.</p><p>And as she swung open the car door to let me in, the way she had done at prom all those years ago, it truly was a <em>pinch me</em> moment.</p><p>We cruised around Maui for 3 hours, getting a feel for the island, enjoying the feel of the wind flowing through our hair. Brit being Brit, had planned out the most scenic route and as she pulled up to one of the viewing points, I couldn't help myself.</p><p>"Babe the view is just awesome…"</p><p>Brittany let out a content sigh and nodded her head in agreement.</p><p>"Isn't it? The ocean looks so blue from up here"</p><p>"It does. But I wasn't talking about that view" I tugged Brit's arm lightly so she would turn to face me, finding myself getting lost in a different kind of ocean blue when her eyes met mine "I was talking about <em>this</em> one" I said softly, leaning into kiss Brittany.</p><p>Clearly the cheesy compliment must have worked because she kissed me back so desperately, and I felt her tugging on my bottom lip with her teeth as my hands caressed soft blonde hair. I was grateful the viewing point was deserted, but I wouldn't have cared if there was a crowd watching us right in that moment. I don't do PDA, but there was nothing pulling me away from that kiss prematurely.</p><p>When we finally came up for air, Brittany breathlessly lay her forehead against mine.</p><p>"<em>You </em>are so cheesy Santana Lopez" she said, dabbing her finger lightly against my nose.</p><p>"But you love it" I smirked, and I could tell by Brittany's smile that she agreed.</p><p>This may not have been our honeymoon, but it was certainly the honeymoon period into our newfound love for each other.</p><p>The surprises didn't stop there either, and when we got to the beach just after lunchtime after (much to my dismay) handing the car back, Brittany had organised a lunchtime picnic for us to eat on the sand. We tucked into sandwiches, salads and fresh fruit, before heading to the crystal lagoons to snorkel, me enjoying every minute of Brittany's excitement at seeing baby sea turtles.</p><p>I was lying on the beach, my head gently nuzzling against Brittany's shoulder, and I could just about feel myself nodding off when my phone vibrated against me. Seeing it was Quinn, I answered straight away. I had already tried to call her earlier to speak to Mila after school, but she hadn't picked up. I knew not to worry though, Mila was in safe hands, and I know she was just busy having heaps of fun with Quinn, who would call back when she could.</p><p>"Hey Q, how are you?" I smiled into the phone.</p><p>"Hey San, look sorry I didn't answer your call earlier, I called you back as soon as I had chance to, I've kinda been caught up with Mila today…"</p><p>"Is everything okay?" I frowned, sensing the nerves in her voice.</p><p>"It's fine, I don't want you to panic because everything is under control, but Meels got into a fight at school today"</p><p>I frowned harder. Mila never got into trouble at school.</p><p>"A fight!? What kind of fight? Like an argument?"</p><p>"No…a physical fight"</p><p>"WHAT!? Is she okay? Is she hurt?" I yelled frantically, 50 questions spilling out at once, as a startled Brittany looked at me in concern and reached out to stroke my hand.</p><p>"She's fine Santana, it's more her ego that's bruised than anything else. I think from what I can gather...Mila did most of the damage" Quinn trailed off hesitantly.</p><p>"Who the hell was she fighting with!?"</p><p>"…Lily"</p><p>"What!? But Lily is her best friend. And Mila? Mila doesn't get into fights. Not my little Moo, she knows better than that. I've <em>always</em> told her to stand up for herself, but never to fight with her fists." I shook my head "How bad is Lily hurt?"</p><p>"It's not as bad as it sounds, she bust her lip, but they suspended Mila from school for the rest of the week"</p><p>"Oh Q, I'm so sorry. This has completely put your week in jeopardy having to have her with you all week. I can call my mom and have her come get her right away if you…"</p><p>"No, no Santana don't be silly. It's completely fine. I really don't need to be at work, I told you, I got it covered. And I think your little lady might need some TLC right now so I'm glad she can stay home with me"</p><p>"TLC? A firm telling off more like!" I scoffed "Where is she? Put her on the phone."</p><p>I tossed a grateful smile to Brittany who was still gently soothing my hand and looking at me through concerned filled eyes, trying to grasp what had happened.</p><p>"She's just in the bath right now. I ran her a bubble bath and let her use all my Bath and Body Works products. She's really upset Santana, and I can't get her to open up. When I was called into the teacher's office there was only 15 minutes before school ended but we sat there for an hour going through everything. She wouldn't say what had happened and neither would Lily. She just…wouldn't stop crying, so I took her for ice-cream, and I hoped that maybe she'd talk when it was just us, but she wouldn't. She knows you'll be mad at her and she kept on begging me not to tell you, and I told her I couldn't do that, but that I'd <em>try </em>get you to agree to speak to her tomorrow instead when you've both calmed down a bit".</p><p>I let out a sigh, I knew Quinn was right. I was angry and confused by my daughter's out of character behaviour right now, and I knew I'd end up losing it and making things worse. At least tomorrow I would be calmer and be able to speak to her properly, find out the root of all this.</p><p>"She's your baby and you know what's best for her, so if you want me to get her, I will. But I just think you might get more out of her when she's had a good night's sleep to stew on things, and when you're not reeling from the initial reaction".</p><p>"Okay, okay I know you're right. But I'm calling as soon as I wake up tomorrow and you can tell her from me that she better get her ass on the phone and explain what's gone on here"</p><p>"I'll let her know that you'll be calling tomorrow and that she needs to speak to you about it all"</p><p>"And you can <em>also </em>give her a kiss from me and tell her that I love her for always" I added, my voice softening. As mad as I was with her, she was still my baby girl who I loved so much. My <em>almost</em> 11 years old baby girl.</p><p>"Of course. I was going to do that anyway" said Quinn "And Santana? She really is sorry you know. I'm sure today is just a huge misunderstanding. It happens sometimes. Don't beat yourself up about it okay?"</p><p>"Okay" I sighed. Quinn really did know me too well. "Thanks so much Q, for being there for her, and I'm sorry once again that you've had to deal with this".</p><p>"Hey don't mention it! That's what godmothers are for. Look I'll get going, see if she's done with her bath and check she's okay. I'll text you about how she is and then speak to you tomorrow".</p><p>I said my goodbyes to Quinn and when I was finished, a string of Spanish curse words fell out of my mouth, as I processed the information. Brittany just stared at me patiently, waiting for me to stop my ranting and tell her what had happened, her thumb still tenderly caressing my hand.</p><p>"Moo got in a fight with Lily. She bust her lip, and she's been suspended from school for the week" I sighed, before my voice cracked and my anger turned to upset "that's just <em>so</em> not like her Brit"</p><p>"Hey, hey, hey, don't cry! Come here" Brittany whispered pulling me firmly into her and shushing me.</p><p>I knew that she knew the insecurities that were going through my head right now. All the worries that somewhere along the line I'd screwed up my kid. It might have been an overreaction to get so upset over something like this, but this just wasn't my girl, and the change in behaviour worried me. She never acted out, never got violent, and she never ever fought with Lily. She loved Lily the way I had innocently and platonically loved Brittany at that age. I never would have hurt Brittany, and I was shocked that Mila had turned physical with her own Brittany.</p><p>"I just feel bad that I'm at the other side of the country and I wasn't there. What if something's going on with her that's making her act like this? What if she's like me, and she's internalising her own secret pain and lashing out on others because she's too afraid to talk?"</p><p>"San she's 10. And she's the happiest little girl I know. They probably had a fight over something really silly like what game to play at recess, I don't think one mistake means you need to analyse everything about her. She probably just lost her cool" Brittany reasoned softly, rocking me back and forth as she stroked the hair down the sides of my face.</p><p>"But she <em>knows</em> not to lose her cool like that. You know how I have literally drilled this into her, because I don't want her turning out like me and ever getting into a physical fight. I want her to learn from my mistakes"</p><p>"You make it sound like you got into fights all the time. Babe, you got into a few harmless scrapes, it doesn't make you a bad person. Most of those times you were just sticking up for me, like the time you slapped Finn Hudson for calling me an idiot"</p><p>I couldn't stop the slight upturn of the right-hand corner of my mouth.</p><p>"Well…he deserved that. I don't regret any of those times sticking up for you but, all those fights with other girls over boys I <em>clearly</em> didn't fancy, all because I couldn't admit I was a lesbian, and I was trying to stake a claim on them to prove I was someone I wasn't. Or the way I'd attack someone if they made me feel small or threatened or not good enough. It wasn't a healthy way of dealing with my own insecurities inside. For a hot minute, I was mad at the world, and I never want Mila being that way. I don't want her turning out like me".</p><p>"But honey, if she turned out like you, don't you see she'd be the most beautiful person? You have the biggest heart, and I just wish you could see yourself from my eyes to know how truly special you are. So, you had a bit of a high school temper? Fine. But guess what? You <em>learned</em> from it. You became a better person because of it, and you grew and you taught yourself how to deal with things better." Brittany paused for a second, allowing her words to sink in before continuing "Stop beating yourself up over the person you were in high school. You were a teenager, and a pretty awesome teenager at that. Everyone has their flaws San, it's the way we use them to better ourselves that counts, and you have, and that's clear in the way you parent Moo. You don't give yourself credit for the Santana Lopez that <em>I</em> knew in high school. The one who was always there to defend and encourage me when everyone else said I was stupid, the one who was fiercely loyal and would do <em>anything</em> to help her friends, the one who faked an ankle injury to give Alicia Hewitt a chance to be top of the pyramid for once because you knew how much it meant to her".</p><p>"I forgot about that…" I admitted.</p><p>"Well lucky for you, you had your own personal cheerleader keeping tabs on everything you did. And believe me, the good by far outweighed the bad. You're such a good person Santana, always have been. And Mila is a good kid. Maybe she was just sticking up for someone like you did for me. But either way, it's not going to be anything sinister. She'll have her reasons".</p><p>"Well I guess we'll find out those reasons tomorrow" I sighed, relaxing into Brittany's embrace, always grateful of her comfort during times like this, where I'd let my insecurities get the better of me. About myself, about my parenting skills, about everything.</p><hr/><p>Brittany had one final surprise planned, but she offered to cancel it so we could go back to the room instead, my mood clearly deflated. I insisted we went ahead as planned though, since Brittany had gone to all this effort, and I was genuinely looking forward to it. There was no point moping around in the room, there was nothing I could do from here, and I just wanted to enjoy this time with Brit and take my mind off it. So, I pushed away all my doubts and worries as Brit and I embarked on our sunset cruise. It was perfect, and for those two-and-a-half hours on the boat, I was able to distract my mind and truly enjoy myself. But when we retreated back to the room, already full from the complimentary food on the boat so making a joint decision not to go for dinner, I found myself in a funk again.</p><p>"You're overthinking it again aren't you?" Brittany asked, the worry in her eyes telling me she already knew the answer. I nodded and she opened her arms wide "Come here my sweet girl"</p><p>I fell willingly into them, as Brittany laid out a plan of action for me.</p><p>"I'm going to run you a nice bubble bath and you can make use of the big tub we haven't yet touched. Then I'm going to pour us some wine, and we're just going to cuddle and if you want to talk, we can, or if you just want to watch trashy TV and take your mind off things, we can do that too. Sound good?"</p><p>I nodded again. Brittany always knew the tips and tricks to get me to settle. Much like my daughter, a bath <em>always</em> helped me feel calm, followed by wine and then just Brittany's presence. I sat on the bed and mulled over everything, while Brittany set about running the bath, and I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't hear her calling me until she was in front of me with her hands delicately caressing the sides of my face.</p><p>"Did you hear me honey? Bath's ready" she smiled sweetly, and I allowed myself to be pulled up by her and led into the bathroom. Brit always did run the best bubble baths.</p><p>A tension swilled around us and hung thick in the air, the kind of tension that had never been there before, as we both stood awkwardly and looked at the tub. I could sense there was something on the tip of Brittany's tongue.</p><p>"Can I…I mean do you want me to…" she cleared her throat "Can I get in with you?" she asked quietly.</p><p>My heart skipped a beat. Brittany wanted to take a bath with me, and in my vulnerable state, this felt more intimate than sex. It was a big move for us from platonic to something more, and I now knew why there'd been a slight tension hanging in the air. I'd seen Brittany naked so many times before, and she had me, but this was different. Still, there was nothing I wanted more than to be relaxing in that bath with Brittany.</p><p>"I'd love that" I let out a shy smile, and Brittany nodded. She quickly discarded her clothes, the way she had done so in front of me many times before, but now things obviously felt different. I stood there and fumbled with my hands like a nervous child, unsure what to do with them as I watched the most perfect form in front of me.</p><p>Sensing my hesitance, Brittany, in all her naked glory, moved over and placed her hands on my shirt and I granted her the silent permission she asked for to remove it. She undressed me, and although it sent sensations up and down my whole body, there was nothing sexual about it. It was more nurturing, an act of care, but still so very intimate.</p><p>Then Brittany climbed into the tub and sat back, pulling me in with her and into her body, as she wrapped her arms around my stomach from behind and placed a soft kiss on my head. I relaxed into her and let out a relaxed sigh, and we just sat like that together in silence for a while, her hands softly soothing me as I enjoyed the feel of her bare skin flush against mine for the first time. Her breasts pressed into my back, and I had never felt so close to her before. So, at peace yet so conflicted by my thoughts at the same time. Then as if on cue, Brittany began to speak.</p><p>"You, Santana Lopez, are the best mama I have <em>ever</em> ever met. And I know what's going on in that head of yours, and that you're beating yourself up and looking for answers and signs that Mila might not be growing into the person you're trying to shape her to be. But let me tell you something about that sweet child. She is the most caring, empathetic, intuitive and artistic little girl, and these are all traits that she got from you. Do you remember what she said to me when we told her about me losing Little Poppy? She said "Don't worry Aunty Brit-Brit, it's okay to be sad. You can be my mommy if you want". San, she was five, and she knew all the right words to say in such a difficult and confusing situation. And do you know who made her like that?"</p><p>I said nothing, too overcome with emotion to speak, simply waiting for Brittany to continue.</p><p>"You." Brittany said softly "You did. I love my Moo for being Mila Grace Lopez, but I also love her for all the Santana Diana Lopez I see inside of her too. All those things that I love in you so much, I get to see again in her, in a miniature version. A version that reminds me of our youth. So <em>please</em> stop overthinking this honey. I know that you worry so much about you wanting to give her up at first and her somehow sensing that and then having her young. About her not having a father figure at first and uprooting her life when he finally did show up, and the stuff with Dani recently. You're thinking that this one fight is because she's from "a broken home", but she's not from a broken home San, not really. Because she's always had you, the best mommy in the world, and she's always had me and Quinn and your family and she's always known that she is so ridiculously loved. You made this great little girl into the amazing person she is all on your own, but you'll always have us there to help guide her. She's going to be just fine"</p><p>Just like that, the tears were flowing, and I let out the release I didn't even know I needed. As always, Brittany had managed to piece together my unspoken thoughts and shatter every single doubt in one.</p><p>"I've got you, bub." she soothed, pulling me impossibly closer.</p><p>She was right, she really did have me. She understood me better than I even understood myself. The only person who could straighten me out in five minutes when I tied myself up in knots. My genius.</p><hr/><p>Brittany's words had instantly relaxed me, but what made me feel even better was finally getting the chance to speak to Mila myself the next morning as promised. As Quinn suspected, all my anger had wilted away, and was replaced with concern for my child. I gently asked her why she had lashed out at her best friend, while also reminding her what she already knew, that it was never okay to hit someone.</p><p>I couldn't get as much out of her as I'd hoped, as she was still tearful, but I at least could see how apologetic she was of her behaviour, and her willingness to admit she was wrong. I had asked Quinn to take Mila to Lily's parents later in the day so she could apologise, and Mila had put up no fight towards this. I was hoping it was something of nothing, a silly argument gone wrong and a misjudged outburst from my child who, genetically, was bound to be hot-headed what with me as a mother and Puck as a father. Puck of course knew nothing of this, but he never got involved in the disciplining of our child, he was still more a casual babysitter than a dad to her. I guessed I would probably mention it to him when I saw him, but for now he didn't need to know. I wasn't even sure he'd have the best advice for our child on this, being how pro-violence he himself was at school.</p><p>When the call had ended, aware I wasn't going to get much further, I decided to push this to the side for now and speak to her about it again when I got home. It would always be easier in person, but for now I just wanted to enjoy the rest of my time with Brittany in Hawaii, and not let my (at times) poisonous mind cast a shadow on that.</p><p>We spent the morning exploring around Maui some more, and we got back to our room that afternoon to drop our bags off after doing some shopping, Brittany had arranged yet another surprise. This time, she had arranged for our suite to be transformed into an intimate spa setting for two hours and we enjoyed side-by-side Lomi Lomi massages and a Coconut Milk Bath infused with Hawaiian Honey. It was an experience that I didn't even know the resort offered, but Brittany had sure done her research, and I couldn't thank her enough for always thinking of me the way she did. I adored her spontaneity, and her plan to ease any lingering stress definitely worked.</p><p>When the spa experience was over, I told Brittany to get dressed up, because I was taking her out tonight. No excuses. After all she had done for me over the past couple of days, it was the very least I could do.</p><p>When she came out of the bathroom fully ready wearing her tight black dress, her blonde hair swept to the side, with red lipstick adorning her lips; my eyes went wide.</p><p>"Brittany…you look so beautiful" I gushed, feeling like the luckiest girl in the world right now.</p><p>"Have you looked in the mirror at yourself?" Brittany smiled, coming over to take my hands and bringing them to her lips to place a light kiss on them "Gorgeous".</p><p>We enjoyed a three-course meal under the stars, before heading to the bar which offered 180-degree views of the Pacific Ocean. We drank cocktails until closing, and I felt dizzy from both the alcohol, and the sheer happiness of being here with Brit. As intoxicating as these flavoured margaritas were, nothing was intoxicating as her beauty and her love that I felt so grateful to have.</p><p>Whilst I was past tipsy, Brittany was a step ahead and the final cocktail pushed her into sloppy drunk mode. I hated looking after drunk people, but with Brit I didn't mind at all, she was actually adorably endearing when she was like this and I liked taking care of her.</p><p>"Come on babe, let's get you back to the room" I laughed, hoisting her up from the chair, much to her reluctance.</p><p>"Noooo, San I don't wanna go yet. We were having so much fun, just one more drink" she pleaded, pout fully in place as she swayed along to the music.</p><p>"Babe the bar's closed, but I promise we can play music in the room for a while before we sleep. I'm not too sure you need any more to drink though".</p><p>"Will you dance with me?" she wiggled her eyebrows, and I laughed in response.</p><p>"Of course, B. Anything for you. Now come on"</p><p>Getting an excitable drunk Brittany back to the room in one piece was easier said than done. I carefully supported her weight against me and manoeuvred her through the resort, as Brittany pointed out every little feature, as if this was her first time seeing everything even though it was now Wednesday evening and we had been here since Monday morning. Suddenly, she stopped in front of one of the water features.</p><p>"You okay Brit?" I frowned.</p><p>"You said you'd dance with me" she smiled, grabbing my wrists softly and tugging me in towards her.</p><p>"When we're back at the room babe, I will, <em>promise</em>"</p><p>"No, I want you to dance with me here" she pouted, releasing my wrists to move them on to my waist, and I swallowed as they wandered dangerously low.</p><p>"But there's no music…" I laughed nervously.</p><p>"We don't need it. This is all I need. Just you, and me" she smiled simply.</p><p>"Okay" I agreed apprehensively, as I wrapped my arms around her back, the two of us swaying together in silence as if it was the most normal thing in the world.</p><p>Despite my initial embarrassment, I found myself really enjoying the moment, and I closed my eyes and relaxed against Brittany for a second, until I felt her stumble.</p><p>"Okay, that's enough, we need to get you home" I laughed, gripping onto her so she wouldn't fall again, and leading the reluctant blonde back to our suite.</p><p>Brittany went from sloppy drunk to sleepy drunk in 0.3 seconds and as soon as we got in the room she had collapsed on the bed.</p><p>"Too tired for music" she yawned, as she stretched her arms.</p><p>"That's fine babe, we can get some sleep, but at least let's get you into your pj's, I don't think you're going to be comfy sleeping in that dress".</p><p>Brittany said nothing but discarded her dress with a sleepy smile, eyes half shut, collapsing back down in her underwear.</p><p>I swallowed thickly, knowing the effects of sleeping next to a half-naked Brittany would have on me.</p><p>"I'm just gonna remove your makeup Brits, because I know you'll kill me if you wake up in the morning with it still on. You'll feel so much better for it" I told her gently, and I moved forward to take all of her makeup away. She barely flinched, just rambled on in jibberish with her eyes shut, completely unaware of the effect she was having on me right now. She was utterly adorable.</p><p>When that was done, I went to remove my own makeup and change into my pj's, and when I climbed into the bed I assumed Brittany was by now in a deep sleep. I couldn't resist softly stroking her hair as I watched her, and just as I was about to close my eyes and join her, I felt her lips pressed firmly against me.</p><p>She kissed me with force, hands wandering everywhere as she pulled me into her, and I found myself short of breath by the unexpected change. Brittany had gone from half-asleep to wide awake in an instant, and her roving hands were sending my insides wild. When I felt them wander up my top and caress the skin of my stomach, as she moved on top of me to attack my neck, I came back down to earth and reluctantly pulled away.</p><p>"Brittany…Brit…stop" I said gently, turning my head to the side, and Brittany did so immediately. I looked at her eyes, dark with desire, and tried to ignore the feeling of intense heat burning in the pit of my stomach.</p><p>"Did I do something wrong?" she swallowed, and I rushed to reassure her.</p><p>"No, no Brittany it's not that, I just…"</p><p>I was interrupted with a firm kiss, and when Brittany pulled back and stared at me deeply with lust filled eyes, it took everything in my power to resist her.</p><p>"I really, <em>really</em> want you Santana" she whispered.</p><p>"I really want you too Brit, <em>of course</em> I do. But we've both had a lot to drink, and I want this to be special. I want you to enjoy it and remember it and for us to take our time, not rush through it because we've had one too many cocktails". I told her softly, caressing the soft skin of her hands as I did so.</p><p>"I'm not <em>that</em> drunk though" Brittany pouted again, and I snorted.</p><p>"Oh babe, you so are" I laughed "But that's okay, you're on vacation and enjoying yourself. But I am definitely <em>not</em> going to take advantage of that, and I know you'll thank me in the morning when you realise we still have our first time ahead of us and it's not just a drunken thing you can barely remember. Okay?"</p><p>"Okay." Brittany sighed, as I gently pushed her to lie back on the bed.</p><p>"Now…let's get some sleep. Maybe tomorrow when you're a little less wasted, we can try this again" I joked, making light of the situation.</p><p>"Can we still cuddle?"</p><p>"Is that even a serious question Brittany Susan Pierce?" I raised an eyebrow before pulling her in close, nuzzling into her neck and placing a soft kiss on the back of her had. Looks like I was playing big spoon tonight "<em>Of course</em>, we can".</p><hr/><p>When the next day rolled around, now Brittany had made it clear she was ready, I wondered if tonight would be the night. I didn't want to put any pressure on it, and I told myself just to ride the wave and let it unfold naturally the way I intended. That night, I found myself making out in bed with a considerably less drunk Brittany. Things were definitely getting more heated and building to something, and I lost track of time of how long we laid there exploring each other, letting our hands linger over places they have never touched before. But our underwear stayed firmly attached to our bodies and we didn't cross the line on that Thursday night, and I was more than fine with that. It seemed like things were just taking their natural course, as I wanted, and each night we'd get a little bit braver.</p><p>My theory was proven on Friday night when after a hard day sunbathing by the pool, another intense make out session ensued. Things were getting more and more heated, and suddenly the room felt incredibly hot. I watched Brittany carefully for clues, wanting to go completely at her pace. We were simply in our underwear again, a new unwritten rule was seemingly in place that this was how we slept now, knowing that our make out sessions would cause pyjamas to come off quickly anyway, so there was no point even putting them on. A pang of arousal shot through me as Brittany let out an involuntary moan, her hair tangling in my hair as ours tongues danced together in a slow, sensual caress.</p><p>Taking the moan as a sign to continue, and wanting so desperately to explore more of her, I began kissing down Brittany's neck, admiring the way her breath hitched as she let out pants of pleasure that let me know what I was doing was working for her. I continued my trail of kisses down to Brittany's bra-clad chest, becoming increasingly aware of my own arousal, as I felt Brittany's hands travel over my own breasts from her position beneath me. I took off my bra, sensing this was what Brittany wanted but was struggling to communicate in her own nervousness. I knew that would come as we grew more comfortable. I silently asked her permission to remove her bra, which she granted, and after I did so I fell back on to the bed by her side, and we enjoyed the feeling of making out with our naked torso's pressed up against each other for a while.</p><p>When I felt the desperation prevalent in both of us hanging thick in the air, I moved back into my previous position of straddling Brittany and resumed my previous technique of kissing down her neck to her chest, enjoying the sensation of her bare breast against my lips this time. As I edged closer to her nipple, my hand trailing up her inner thigh, I heard Brittany's breathing growing more and more erratic, turning from breaths of pleasure to ones of panic instead. I withdrew my hand immediately and sat up to check on her.</p><p>"Babe, are you okay?"</p><p>"It's just…just a little too fast" Brittany let out, trying to catch her breath "I'm…i'm sorry San"</p><p>"Hey, don't apologise!" I exclaimed, moving off of her immediately "I'm so sorry, I got too carried away"</p><p>"No it's not you" Brittany shook her head "It's me just…being weird. You're not…mad are you?"</p><p>Suddenly my heart broke at the sight of Brittany looking so lost. How could she ever think I'd be mad at her for this. I got it completely. It was a big deal, and one that I'd worried about myself, even though I'd had more experience in this particular field.</p><p>"Mad? Of course not! Please don't worry about it Brit, we can take this as slow as you need to okay? Here." I said softly, before passing her the previously discarded bra. She accepted it gratefully and I clipped my own back on, wanting Brittany to feel fully comfortable again "Why don't we get our cuddle on and get some sleep?"</p><p>"I'd like that very much" Brittany smiled softly, as she buried her head into me.</p><p>It was definitely harder to get to sleep that night, because I was more than a little riled up, but I loved Brittany and my priority was her being ready. I'd wait as long as it took.</p><p>I could sense all day the next day, that there was something weighing on Brittany's mind. She tried her best to not let it show, and we really enjoyed our day together, but I knew my Brit, and I knew when something was troubling her. That night as we lay in bed, we shared some sweet kisses but nothing intense, and I studied her face to try and read her.</p><p>"What are you thinking about?" I asked softly.</p><p>"Nothing, just lying here and enjoying being with you" she said casually, but I raised my eyebrows at her to let her know it wasn't going to wash.</p><p>"Brit come on. I know that something has been on your mind all day. Please open up to me?" I pressed "Is it about last night? Because honestly babe, we really don't need to do that for a long, long time. I can wait. I waited so long already and…"</p><p>"No, it's not that I don't want to San. Of course, I do. I've wanted to for years. I want to share every part of me and connect with you in a way that we never have before. And I am <em>so </em>unbelievably attracted to you, you wouldn't believe how much I want you. But I guess I'm just…scared".</p><p>"Scared?" I questioned softly, urging her to continue.</p><p>"Ah-ha" she nodded, finding it hard to meet my eyes "I just, well I just love you so much, and I've never done this before. I'm scared I'm going to be terrible at it and not know what I'm doing. That I'm not going to be enough for you and I'll find it hard to please you. It's stupid I know…"</p><p>"Hey, stop calling yourself stupid. You know I don't like that" I softly reprimanded her, taking her hand in both of mine and caressing it with my thumbs "First of all, just <em>looking</em> at you pleases me, so trust me, we're not going to have any problems there. Second of all, it's all part of a learning experience, and the beauty of it is that we get to learn about each other together. Even if you'd been with women before, this is still new for both of us, everybody likes different things. I know it can be nerve wracking, but it can also be pretty exciting exploring all of that with someone new, especially when you love that person as much as I love you and you love me. Thirdly, there's no rush or pressure whatsoever, like I told you before, we can take this as slow as you like, and I want this to build naturally. And lastly your concerns are completely valid. This is a big step for us, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't freaking out about this for a hot minute too".</p><p>"You?" Brittany frowned "But you were in a relationship with a girl for years. You've got lots of lady sex experience"</p><p>"Yes but, not with the person I'm so deeply in love with. Obviously, that adds on the pressure more, because I so badly want you to enjoy it and feel safe and loved. But you know what I've realised. This is me and you. We're meant for each other on every level, and it took us so long to find each other romantically but now we're here and it's awesome. When the time comes for us to take it to the next level and have sex, I know it will feel right and all of our doubts are going to melt away".</p><p>"I just don't want to disappoint you" she looked down, and I released one of my hands from hers to gently push her chin up, so she was looking at me again.</p><p>"You could <em>never</em> disappoint me. It's impossible" I placed a soft peck on her lips to seal my words and was relieved when she let out a light smile.</p><p>"Is it weird that we're even discussing this? I mean…most people don't discuss their first time with each other before they even get around to it. I feel like it's a bit of a mood killer discussing all our anxieties" Brittany laughed "I mean usually you just get down to it and it just happens. I hate the fact I freaked out like I did and made it weird".</p><p>"No. I' really glad we talked about this Brit. You wanna know why?" I asked, and Brittany nodded gently "Because we spent so long not talking about our feelings and bottling things up that should have been said and look at where that got us. I want to be able to share everything with you, and I want you to do the same with me. We gotta get better at this whole communicating thing because then we can make sure we're on the same page and work together. From now on, I want you to talk about any doubt and insecurity you have, and I'll do the same for you".</p><p>I reached forward to tuck a stray piece of hair behind Brittany's ear before I continued.</p><p>"I'm really glad you told me this tonight, so thank you, it's been noted. Whenever you're ready to take things to the next level, I'm right here waiting, and we do this together okay? And I don't care if people think this is the cringiest conversation in the world because I know that communicating openly like this is going to be great for us going forward".</p><p>Instead of answering Brittany sighed contentedly, and I knew my words had gotten through to her.</p><p>"I love you" I whispered softly, as if to turn over this new page of open communication.</p><p>"I love <em>you" </em>she replied, and I took her into my arms and closed my eyes as I inhaled that sweet Brittany scent, both of us feeling a weight off our chest with her having discussed her doubts and me knowing she was no longer hiding things she wanted to say.</p>
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<a name="section0045"><h2>45. Chapter 45</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <strong>Sorry for the updates being slower than normal. Work has generally been so manic!, but here we are! Enjoy!</strong>
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  <strong>P.S. I'm always open for suggestions for things you might wanna see, even though I have the foundations of this story planned right up to the sequel, so fire away if you have anything!</strong>
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<hr/><p>The holiday bliss continued as we entered our second week, and the more time went on the harder I found it to not outright stare at Santana's bikini body, which was becoming tanner by the day. There was no doubt how much I wanted her, but I was also so nervous about it all, but definitely relieved to have talked it through with her. San was right, we did need to be more open with each other, our communication had limited us for so long.</p><p>The Monday was an enjoyable but tiring day, we spent a full trip visiting Haleakala National Park to see the volcano, and by the time we got back to our suite I was out like a light. It was a good job really, because ordinarily it would have been a sleepless night, due to the events of the next day.</p><p>Tuesday 25th February.</p><p>My due date. A day that came and passed every year, and never got any easier. I'd made peace with losing the baby now, accepting that my day to be a mother would come later, but it never stopped you forgetting. Never stopped you wondering about the child you could have with you by now. If life had other plans, I could have been celebrating my child's 5th birthday today.</p><p>I thought about what it might be like, to wake up to tiny hands jabbing me impatiently, begging me to get out of bed so they could go open all of their presents. Instead, I was woken by a hand gliding softly across my face, the lightest of kisses placed on my forehead. When I opened my eyes, I met with concerned brown ones staring back at me. I knew Santana always worried about me on days like today, and I offered her my best reassuring smile to let her know I was coping, before turning my head to the side and noticing the bunch of flowers she'd placed there. She had picked a bunch of assorted poppies this year, so poignant, and I felt tears prick my eyes. A small but sweet gesture, and something Santana always remembered to do.</p><p>"That's so thoughtful of you honey. Thank you." I smiled, taking her hand and place a light kiss on her fingers, before bring it down and giving it a gentle squeeze. I kept hold of her hand, enjoying the feel of our entwined fingers.</p><p>"How do you feel babe?"</p><p>"Sad. Reflective. But better for having my thoughtful girl by my side".</p><p>"If you don't feel up to doing anything today, we can just stay in the suite. Whatever you feel comfortable with Brit. I'm here to make today whatever you want it to be. If you want to talk we can talk. If you want to keep busy and think of anything but, we can do that…"</p><p>I smiled again at her to let her know I appreciated her support. I knew she was always worrying I was going to shut her out like I did at the time, and not tell her how I was feeling. Bottling things up was definitely something I struggled with, but I had got better at sharing my thoughts, and I knew this was something I'd be more than willing to talk about with her.</p><p>"I think I just want us to have a nice, normal day. I'll think about it a lot, but I'll feel worse if I just sit here and dwell on what could have been".</p><p>"Okay sweetheart, well let's say after breakfast, we get dressed and have a walk along the beach then?"</p><p>"That sounds perfect. Thank you, San". And I smiled once again, because as painful as today was, having Santana by my side always anchored me.</p>
<hr/><p>Walking along the beach was a great suggestion, as the feeling of the sand between my toes and the distant sound of children playing in the warm breeze brought a sense of calm over me. For much of the walk, we were in a pleasant silence. I knew that Santana was respecting my time to reflect on things and waiting for me to talk if I wanted to. She always did know me so well, just like I always knew her, and the level of our intuitiveness never failed to amaze me. What was crazy about all that, is how we both felt the same way about each other for years, and that was the one thing we weren't in tune or communicating with. But we were here now, on the path towards some sort of future together, and for that I could only be grateful. It was the sight of a blonde little girl around the age of 5 running to paddle in the shallows of the ocean that broke my silence. I didn't even plan the words that came out of my mouth, they just fell straight off my chest.</p><p>"Do you think I would have been a good mom San?"</p><p>I watched Santana turn her body, so she was facing me fully, her face looking like her heart was breaking at the question, but I hadn't meant to upset her. I was genuinely curious since I'd never had experience at motherhood before, while Santana had.</p><p>"Oh Brit" she frowned and shook her head "I <em>know </em>you would have been an<em> amazing </em>mom. And you still will be, if you want to be in the future".</p><p>I noticed she shifted a bit uncomfortably at that, probably wondering what the implications of that statement was now that we were making a go of things together.</p><p>"You're still so young. You're not even 30 yet." she continued softly, and I knew that she knew it was a concern that had plagued my mind, that time was ticking. After all, it was one of the reasons I had made such a rushed decision to marry Sam, as ridiculous as that seemed now. "I don't want you to worry about that, okay?"</p><p>I nodded, before my next sentence spilled out like word vomit again.</p><p>"Do you see yourself having more?"</p><p>Santana had always said she wanted 3, but I also knew that plans changed as you grow older. I knew Dani was never keen on having kids, so maybe Santana had settled on just Mila. Again, it was one of those weird questions to ask now that we were planning a future of sorts.</p><p>It was one of those situations where it was too soon in our relationship to discuss children together, but at the same time, I couldn't imagine us ever not being together now so I knew Santana's answer would undoubtedly impact me. I had waited years to be with Santana, and I knew she was my soulmate, the only thing stopping me being with her earlier being the fact I didn't think she felt the same. I knew there might be bumps in the road, but I just always considered Santana and I to be in it for the long haul together now, because we loved each other, and it was that simple. We hadn't discussed our future or even put a label on what we were, but I didn't feel like we needed to, because I knew that I wanted to do life with her forever, no matter what. I loved her, she loved me, and the rest of it we would figure out along the way.</p><p>"I'd love to" Santana sighed wistfully "I was so young when I had Mila and I spent my whole pregnancy trying not to bond with her since I thought I wouldn't be keeping her. Every little kick she gave me hurt my heart. It would be nice to experience it differently. To actually plan for a baby and do all that exciting stuff like picking out a nursery and buying clothes and going through lists of baby name. I was robbed of all that with Meels. I got my sweet baby girl at the end of it, but it would be good to have a planned pregnancy next time, where I could enjoy it and bond with them…Oh Brit I'm so sorry. Listen to me going on, on today of all days. How could I be so insensitive to moan about my pregnancy when yours…"</p><p>"No San, don't be silly!" I cut her off "You're allowed to feel your own type of way about your experience. Your pregnancy with Moo wasn't the easiest. You were young, scared and alone and kept it all a secret. You couldn't even share in your joy. It's understandable that you'd be looking forward to a different kind of experience next time".</p><p>And though I didn't know if Santana was just speaking hypothetically or if she had the same vivid images I had in my head when she thought about "the next time", of us having a child together in the distant future, her words still filled me with joy and excitement to know we were on the same wavelength. Then as if she could read my mind, she turned to me and said;</p><p>"It would be great to do it with someone this time as well instead of being on my own. Especially someone I love".</p><p>And although her words could have been hypothetical once more, the glint in her eye told me that she was referring to me, and that she could visualise that kind of future for us too.</p><p>That night, Santana had surprised me with a trip to the Hyatt Regency for a tour of the stars, complete with chocolate covered strawberries and sparkline wine. Not only was it incredibly romantic, but it was also so thoughtful of Santana to do this on a day like today. Finding comfort looking at the stars had always been our thing, and we had spent many evenings in Faurot Park engaged in deep conversations, plus Santana knew my somewhat nerdy love for Astronomy. This trip was perfect for that, and the tour guide was full of facts that were new, even to me, who had done so much research into this subject. I was also appreciative that they allowed us time alone just to explore together before regrouping with the rest of the guests on the tour. As we sat together with our strawberries and wine, fixated by the clear night sky in a content silence, I couldn't help but think that if me taking Santana out in the Porsche Speedster last week was like a rehash of me taking her to prom, then this was like a rehash of Santana's date she had planned in Faurot Park over 5 years ago. Both of those events hadn't ended the way we wanted them to. I hadn't got the girl at prom, and she hadn't got the girl on her date night, but now we were almost getting a second chance to recreate these events with the happy endings. Suddenly I was overcome with emotion and I turned to the beautiful Latina by my side.</p><p>"Santana, I just really love you, you know?"</p><p>I watched the blush rise to her cheeks, soft features illuminated by moonlight, a toothless shy grin as she looked down, before raising her eyes back up to mine.</p><p>"I really love you too Brittany".</p><p>"Come here" I smiled, leaning forward to kiss her.</p><p>When we pulled away, we both subconsciously shook our heads and smiled, and I knew she was thinking the same thing that I was; that us being finally together felt so amazing, it felt like a dream. I couldn't believe we were actually here doing this, and I don't think she could either.</p><p>And I was watched the smallest of smiles adorning her lips, I couldn't help think about how awesomely in love we were and how our rocky path to get here just really didn't matter, because this was our end result. Every single tear, frustration and heart break had been worth it for this moment.</p><p>I leaned back on my arms to look up at the stars again, Santana doing the same, which reminded me of something I had read years ago about mirroring somebody's body language being a sign of attraction. Another comfortable silence came over us until I heard my favourite sound.</p><p>"You know Brit, just going back to our conversation earlier about you being a mom..." she began.</p><p>"Mm-hm?" I nodded curiously, waiting for her to continue.</p><p>"I don't know if this sounds weird or…but I'm going to say it anyway. Even before I realised my feelings for you, before I even knew I was gay and even thought about the dynamics of a family with two women. Putting aside any ridiculous stereotypes or the fact biology wouldn't allow it, I always used to just innately wish that Mila was yours. I knew as soon as you met her, that you loved her as much as I did, more than her own so-called father ever could at the time, and still now even though he's in her life, I doubt him. I remember so well, the night of your 19th birthday, and you chose to spend it with us with me covered in baby vomit and Mila screaming with colic. You fell asleep cradling her, and I just remember thinking, <em>this</em> is what family feels like. You being her aunty and her godmother, just never felt enough for me. I see so much of you in her, and I know you've influenced who she is, more than you even know. So, in answer to your question once again Brit, yes you'll be a good mom. Because you've already been like an amazing second mother to my girl, without you even knowing it".</p><p>Completely taken aback by Santana's words, I hadn't even realised the tears slipping down my cheeks until I felt the wetness hit my bare thigh. I wiped away the tears, only for more to fall, cleared my throat.</p><p>"Wow…San I'm…I'm so touched by that" I swallowed, completely overwhelmed. And I wanted to say so much more, but through my emotions I couldn't find the words, but one knowing look from Santana told me I'd conveyed everything I needed to say. She knew how much I loved and adored that child. Still, I tried to verbalise it.</p><p>"I…"</p><p>"Shh, don't speak" Santana said softly "I know already. Just relax and look up at the stars. Be in the moment"</p><p>And so, I did just that, appreciative of Santana knowing me well enough to know how overwhelmed I was feeling right now. I really just needed to take a few minutes to compose myself. It had been an emotional rollercoaster of a day.</p><p>"See the brightest star up there?" Santana whispered after a few minutes had passed, pointing up to the twinkling ball of gas in the sky.</p><p>I nodded.</p><p>"That's Baby LP" she spoke tenderly, face lit with the gentlest of smiles.</p><p>"Baby Lopez-Pierce?" I asked cautiously, confused at the unused abbreviation. Given our hypothetical conversations all day about future babies and now Santana's latest admission, it was no surprise my mind went there.</p><p>"Baby Little Poppy" Santana corrected, letting out a small laugh, and I felt my cheeks flush at my assumption.</p><p>"But…" she continued, her fingers dancing up my arm "Lopez-Pierce sure does have a nice ring to it doesn't it?".</p><p>And as she let out a wink, I felt my heart rate increase at both her words and the gesture. The effect she had on me had no bounds, I knew that for certain.</p>
<hr/><p>Wednesday was a relaxing day by the pool while Thursday we took surf lessons, something I found myself being actually quite good at due to my ability to balance and the strength in my core from dancing, in comparison to Santana who shrieked and fell in so many times, much to my amusement. On Friday we went shopping because what was a vacation without visiting all the novelty gift shops, plus Santana wanted to have a look to see if there was anything special for Mila's birthday which was coming up on the following Wednesday. On Saturday we visited the Maui Ocean Center, Santana beside herself with excitement over the turtle lagoon whilst I admired the dolphins, reminding her of my theory that they were just gay sharks and enjoying that sweet hearty laugh she did.</p><p>We had drinks and food that evening, making the most of our last proper evening, since we couldn't stay out too late Sunday since our flight back to Lima was early Monday morning. It was gone 1am when we collapsed exhausted and tipsy into bed, and it didn't take long for sleep to find me.</p><p>I didn't feel like I had been asleep so long when I was jolted awake by the sound of thunder. We'd been lucky enough to escape the Hawaiian storms so far, but now we were hit by one in full force. I reached for Santana sleepily, actually enjoying the feeling of being able to roll over in her warmth and go back to sleep to the sound of heavy rain, but instead I was met with the cool sheets, indicating she wasn't in bed and hadn't been for some time. I frowned and opened one eye, to see her standing with her back to me and looking out the patio doors that led out to the lanai. Usually she could sleep through anything, but I guessed the storm had woken her a lot sooner than it had me.</p><p>"Babe?" I croaked with every intention of telling her to come back to bed, but when she turned to me with her brow furrowed and face panicked, I immediately sat up because I knew something was wrong.</p><p>"Are we being crazy Brit?"</p><p>"What? San what do you mean?" I asked softly, my heart beginning to thump with concern.</p><p>"This. Us. It's all so…well it's all so quick isn't it? One minute you're with Sam, and I'm with Dani. You're <em>married</em>. You promised yourself to someone forever 3 weeks ago, and now you're here with me, and it feels amazing but…we, I…" Santana let out a deep breath, her eyes erratically dashing from side to side as her thoughts came spilling out a mile a minute, before closing them to gather herself. She opened them again and focused solely on me, this time her voice cracked with vulnerability "I'm scared Brit…"</p><p>I swallowed thickly, suddenly so aware of the sound of my heart thumping violently against my heart in my own panic. Things had been going so perfect, now she was unsure about us. I couldn't handle that. Not after everything it took to get her. We'd been talking so positively of the future, even making subtle hints at marriage and babies in the not so near future, now this? Then I thought that maybe that's what had freaked her out. Even though it was all hypothetical, maybe it was too much too soon. I quickly stood, grabbing my satin robe so not to make her uncomfortable since I was just in my underwear, and rushed over to talk to her.</p><p>"Is this because of the chats we've been having? About kids and the future? Because San, that was all hypothetical and…"</p><p>"Noooo Brit, it's not that at all" she shook her head to cut me off, and I didn't know if her answer provided me with relief or panic, because if it wasn't that then what was it?</p><p>"You just…aren't sure if you want to be with me?" I clenched my jaw nervously lowering my head because I didn't think I could look at her and have her see my heart visibly break if she said yes.</p><p>"What!? No, no, no, no no" she said quickly, her demeanour suddenly softening as she walked over and placed her hands tentatively on either side of my waist, a gesture that made me feel semi-relieved.</p><p>"<em>Of course</em>, I do. So much." she emphasised "So much that it scares me. I just worry that…I'm getting ahead of myself, and that you might not feel as strongly as I do and…my brains just going haywire right now."</p><p>Suddenly it all made sense, and though concerned for Santana's panic I felt another bout of relief wash over me as I realised it wasn't that she didn't want to be with me, it was that she was doing her classic Santana Lopez thing of overthinking everything. We were yin and yang in that aspect. I was generally a "go with the flow" laid back kind of person, whereas Santana always needed to process things and think them through. She was a worrier at heart, and often had to rationalise things before she could let them go and be at ease. Things had happened so fast between us, what with us jetting straight off to this blissful bubble, it was obviously just catching up on her now. Naturally her thoughts were at their loudest in the middle of the night, and probably amplified by the alcohol we had consumed earlier. Add that to the fact we were about to go back home to reality and burst the bubble, I could understand how she'd got here. I knew all I needed to do now was listen and talk to her and let her get everything off her chest, even if her thoughts about me not feeling as strongly was ludicrous to me, it was a very real thought to her that she needed to process.</p><p>"Will you sit with me?" I asked gently, placing the palm of my hands over hers, where they rested firmly on my waist still. When she nodded, I took them and led her over to the edge of the bed.</p><p>"Talk to me beautiful." I prompted with a smile "Tell me what's going on in there. You said we should be more open with communication, and I think this would be a great start for us".</p><p>And I watched as she sighed and gathered her thoughts together, the way she always did when she was trying to make sense of everything.</p><p>"Why did you agree to marry Sam?" she asked nervously, pausing slightly before explaining further "I mean…<em>Marriage </em>Brittany. That's such a big thing, and…it was all so left field. One minute you were in love with me and writing me letters, the next you're married to Sam in the blink of an eye. Now that's over with, and you're here with me and…I guess I just need to get my head around it all. I want you to be sure too, because that's a lot to process in the space of a few months. I don't judge you Brit, but I need to understand it. I need to understand how you could marry him when you loved me. Like, were you really happy when I asked you if you were, or was it all for show? I get to an extent how you could try fill the void with someone, like I did for years with Dani, which I now know wasn't right. But…<em>marriage</em>? It was all so rash and…I need to make sure you're not being rash here too. That you're thinking clearly, and you really want this over a life with Sam".</p><p>Again, Santana's thoughts had spilled out thick and fast, and I didn't know where to begin to address them, but I could tell getting the doubts out of her mind and verbalised had already made her feel slightly better.</p><p>"Okay listen to me honey" I soothed "I know you. I know your doubtful mind. First of all, I want you to look at me and tell me truthfully if you doubt the love, I have for you?"</p><p>She watched me carefully, as I penetrated her eyes with mine, mustering all my love into once glance. It must have worked, because she slow shook her head.</p><p>"I know that you love me, I'm just confused by it all. Would you have stayed with him forever if I didn't tell you how I felt? Did you love him and me at the same time?"</p><p>I squeezed her hand to stop her before she could carry on another tangent of questions, before I'd even addressed the first lot.</p><p>"Sam's proposal came out of left field for me too, you know that already. And at first, the obvious answer was no. But just like I told you before, I was scared. My life just seemed to be on halt waiting for you, and Sam was offering me a tiny slice of something I wanted. A family, stability, somebody I could home to every night. Something I wanted from you but at the time it just felt like I wasn't getting. And maybe a part of me was just trying to fill a void, but an even bigger part of me actually decided that I needed to let go and live my life. When you asked me if I was happy, I wasn't lying. I <em>was </em>happy my life was moving forward somewhat, for <em>some </em>of my dreams to be on the horizon. But of course, it was all with the wrong person, so innately no, I wasn't happy. Would I be still with him now? Probably. 6 months down the line maybe I'd still be there trying to make it work, a year even. But ultimately, I would have realised it wasn't working, it wasn't true happiness, and he would have had the same realisation. I loved Sam as a person, but I was never <em>in love</em> with him, and I knew that. But I also knew I wasn't capable of letting myself fall for anyone but you, so I at least had to try. He was the consolation prize, and I feel awful for saying that, but I daresay I was his too. We both just panicked about the future and grabbed onto something with both hands to try make it more real, but in the end we both knew it wasn't right. And although we were incredibly naïve to go ahead with yes, I agree with you, such a rash decision in the first place, we were also lucky enough to realise it early on. It's not ideal, but it's the situation we're faced with. There's a document that says right now I'm married to him, but my heart belongs to you Santana. Always has. And you have to know that as irrational as I was to rush things with Sam like that, nothing about the way this love is unfolding fast with you feels wrong to me. I've waited for this my whole life, and loving you feels like second nature to me".</p><p>I watched her break into a watery smile before stroking my thumb across her cheek.</p><p>"Do you believe me?"</p><p>Tears trickled down her cheeks as she nodded silently, before looking at me to speak.</p><p>"I do. I do, and I'm sorry for doubting it. It's not even that I <em>did</em> doubt you. It's just…you know how my mind can get. Everything has been such a whirlwind. To deal with seeing you marry him and have my heart physically ache, in contrast to now, the peace and happiness I feel at getting to so freely love you. I just worried I was getting ahead of myself that's all…it feels weird to be this happy. As if something is going to go wrong at any time now and someone's going to tell me this is all a trick and you're going to end up back in the arms of Sam".</p><p>"That's definitely <em>not</em> going to happen honey".</p><p>"I know. I know that now. I'm sorry. I just got carried away…"</p><p>"You are allowed to be happy you know. This is your shot at true happiness, and you deserve it. We both do. So please stop worrying about the future because…I love you, and you love me. The only thing holding us back from being together so much earlier, was the fact we didn't verbalise that. But now we know it, so it really is that simple".</p><p>"I think it's because we've had such an amazing couple of weeks too, and now we're going back to reality. Being here was simple and easy, but life back home might not be so much. We live in different cities for a start, and then there's the annulment. You still have to tell your family about Sam and…all this stuff is just buzzing away in my mind. I just wish it was an easy road for us Brit".</p><p>"Look I don't want you to worry about the Sam thing. That's our mess to worry about, not yours. He and I have already discussed everything. When we get back to Lima, we have Moo's birthday to focus on. Sam's back on the road, so nobody's going to question his whereabouts at her party. Then I'm back in New York for 10 days and then Sam and I are going to come back to Lima and speak to our parents separately about things not working out. He doesn't get a break until then, and it's only fair for our parents to find out at the same time. They're not going to be happy and I imagine they'll have a bunch of questions, but really San, I don't want you worrying about it. I really don't care about any of it, now that I have you by my side. The distance, the annulment, the awkward conversation with my parents, it'll all work itself out. Yes, there are going to be bumps in the road, but with my girlfriend by my side; I know I can get through anything".</p><p>Santana looked up at me and sniffed.</p><p>"Girlfriend?"</p><p>I panicked a bit, thinking I'd overstepped the mark. Sure, we hadn't officially put a title on things, but that's just what I assumed she was to me.</p><p>"Yeah, sorry I'm just assuming…"</p><p>She cut me off with an abrupt kiss that made my eyes shut in surprise because I didn't see it coming, and when I opened my eyes again, I noticed her own eyes were watering once more.</p><p>"Are you crying?" I asked softly.</p><p>"It's just that I'm really happy" she replied.</p><p>I squeezed her hand tightly as she composed herself.</p><p>"Sorry" she laughed through her tears, as she wiped her eyes "I just didn't know how much I needed to hear that until you just said it. I guess I just needed that verbal clarification to what we were. Suddenly now…everything feels okay".</p><p>"I just assumed that we were from the minute I came to your hotel room and told you things were finished with Sam. I just knew from that moment that I was going to be with you for always. I'm sorry, it never occurred to me to put a label on things or to officially ask you".</p><p>"I knew I'd be with you for always too. And it's not that you needed to do that, I should have just known it too, I just get so carried away in my own head sometimes, that clarifying things like that always make things better. If I would have realised that earlier, I could have saved myself a <em>whole </em>lot of heartache tonight".</p><p>She chuckled lightly, and it was good to see her smiling again.</p><p>"Well, if you want me to ask officially Miss Lopez, I totally can" I raised my eyebrows and smirked, glad our playful behaviour was back.</p><p>"No babe, you really don't need to do that" she laughed, but it was too late, and I cleared my throat jokingly before turning deadly serious because as much as the question didn't need to be asked, it was still a meaningful moment.</p><p>"Will you be my girlfriend?"</p><p>And even though it wasn't needed, Santana still let out an excited squeal that made me laugh lovingly, it was like we were a pair of teenagers. She leaned forward to kiss me again.</p><p>"Does that answer your question?"</p><p>"Kiss me again, and I might be able to figure it out…"</p><p>She laughed but willingly obliged. It didn't matter that it was almost 4am and we'd be tired tomorrow, I knew all of this was so needed.</p><p>I wrapped my arm protectively around her shoulder as she sank into me with a content sigh, clearly the weight of the world had been lifted for her, and I felt a pang of guilt that I hadn't realised before how much she needed that validation. But…we were here now, and most importantly, we were communicating.</p><p>"Look at us. We're getting so good at this communication thing" I laughed, before making a more earnest observation "You know…we always seem to have our best talks in the middle of the night".</p><p>"I think they call that pillow talk. Things just always seem easier to share at night. There's no distractions and it's when we're at our most vulnerable and relaxed".</p><p>"That makes sense. I think as time goes on, we'll find it easier to talk at all times, not just in the middle of the night. But I'm glad we can have pillow talk for now if that feels easiest. We can make that our little thing. You can wake me at any time of night to talk to me if you're ever having doubts about anything San. And I don't just mean about us".</p><p>"I think now we've had that conversation we'll find it easier to communicate in general too. I can talk to you about anything, always could, but the relationship stuff is new to us. But we're getting there. I promise if I ever do need pillow talk, I'll let you know though, and you can always do the same for me and I'll be ready to talk and listen at whatever time of night".</p><p>"Maybe we should do a weekly pillow talk session just to talk about us. I think it would be a good habit to get into. It doesn't have to be quite so late, and sometimes it'll be over Skype rather than in bed together which I don't really want to think about just now, but I think it'll be really healthy for us to make that intimate space for us just to talk early on into our relationship".</p><p>"I think that's a great idea Brit".</p><p>I matched Santana's smile with one of my own, and the old me probably would have linked pinkies with her, but the new me could seal our promises with kisses instead. So, I did just that.</p><p>Before long, our kisses became more heated, and I could feel Santana getting breathless underneath me. My robe was half hanging off anyway, so I rid myself of it. Feeling more emotionally close to Santana than ever, I felt the need to touch her bare skin, and I tugged at the oversized t-shirt she had put on. Reading my cue, she removed the shirt, until we were at the base we had reached many times before; making out frantically in our underwear. The thunder and lightning had stopped now, and it was just the sound of soft rain against the glass, with the occasional moan from Santana, a sound that was driving me crazy.</p><p>I dipped my tongue into Santana's mouth, revelling in the taste of her, cherishing each and every shred of contact between us as I hovered over her with my hands trailing down her sides. Her skin so soft and velvety and pricking at my touch, it felt cliché to say I felt sparks at my fingertips, but that's entirely what it felt like. I wanted to touch more of her, and soon I was kissing down her chest, watching her eyes close in pleasure. And as my hands made their way to her bra clad cleavage, I found myself getting brave.</p><p>"Can I take this off?"</p><p>She nodded, at a loss for words due to her arousal, her eyes so dark with desire they were making me feel all types of ways.</p><p>I returned to kissing her, my hands enjoying their new freedom, as I tentatively ran my hands over her breasts. The way Santana squirmed underneath me told me she was enjoying my touch, as much as I was enjoying exploring new parts of her.</p><p>Then, without warning and never breaking the kiss, Santana swiftly flipped me over on the bed, and I swallowed, chest heaving as I found myself underneath her. Our bodies were flush together, and the feel of her breasts against my own was euphoric, but I wanted rid of all limitations. I shuffled slightly to remove my own bra, and when Santana saw what I was doing, she reached down and did it for me in one swift movement. I could tell she was no stranger to that.</p><p>As we crashed against each other once more, our bare breasts touching this time, I moaned into her mouth and Santana's hips bucked at the sound. I was so aware of my arousal and the warmth between my legs, and as Santana shifted on my thigh, I could feel her own wetness seeping through her panties, causing me to shudder in anticipation.</p><p>I closed my eyes as Santana broke away from my lips to place a trail of firm kisses across my jaw and along to the shell of my ear, one of my most sensitive points. My back arched in pleasure and Santana took that as her cue to continue, as she made her way down my neck, suckling lightly on my pulse point before peppering hot kisses along my collar bone.</p><p>By the time she had made her way to my breast, kneading my left with one hand and teasingly taken my right nipple into her mouth, slowly licking around it before popping it into her mouth, I was in a state of desperation. I had never wanted anybody so badly in my whole life, and all I could do was tangle my hands in her thick dark tresses as she manipulated my body to pleasure me.</p><p>After she was satisfied, she had paid my left nipple the same attention as my right, she moved up to observe me. I was passed the point of no return at this point, and as she cupped my face, brown eyes gliding over my naked torso, my lips, my eyes, my nose, my cheeks, as if she was taking in every single detail, my breath caught in my throat at the level of intimacy I felt with her in that moment. I had <em>never</em> felt anything like it before.</p><p>"So beautiful." She whispered, placing a chaste kiss on my lips as her left hand trailed up and down my body, leaving sparks in its wake.</p><p>As she inched further down, her hands grazing over my panties, her eyes never leaving mine, she spoke again.</p><p>"Are you okay? Are you scared?" she asked softly, eyes inquisitive and gentle as she thumbed over the top side of my thigh.</p><p>"A little…" I admitted, and she immediately began to remove her hand.</p><p>"We can stop babe…"</p><p>I cut her off, and moved her hand back, only this time closer to where I needed her the most.</p><p>"No. I don't want you to stop" I told her firmly.</p><p>"Are you sure?" she asked, eyes etched with concern and frantically searching mine. I simply leaned in to kiss her deeply.</p><p>"I've never been so sure of anything in my life".</p><p>And as I looked into deep brown eyes that I loved so much, I knew I was safe, and suddenly any scrap of fears and insecurity melted away, replaced by a deep longing for Santana to touch me and get me to a place I knew only she could truly get me to.</p><p>I needed her to touch me, and I began to hitch my panties over my hips until she softly placed her hands over mine.</p><p>"Let me." She said firmly, and I happily obliged, the husk in her increasing the burning arousal that was building in my lower belly.</p><p>She kissed down my body, over toned abs and taut calves, exploring every inch of me with her mouth, my panties long discarded. I was growing desperate, and I physically needed her to touch me.</p><p>"San please?" I just about managed to pant out.</p><p>She had one hand behind my waist to support me, while the other found my most sensitive spot, and my own hands reached out to grab the sides of the bed to anchor me. I groaned involuntarily at the touch of her fingers making light work of me, exploring every crevice and making soft circular motions. As I began to press myself into her, begging for more, she increased the tension, and I knew the sounds and movements I were making were working her up too.</p><p>As I began to climb the peak, Santana withdrew her hand and grabbed mine, removing her supporting hand to do the same on the other side. I groaned at the loss of contact, but before long she was kissing over my hips and down to where I needed her again.</p><p>The sensation when her tongue met my centre almost sent me spiralling over the edge, and I couldn't help but push myself into her more, as I squeezed tight on to her hands. I looked at her through hooded eyes, and the sight of her working between my two legs turned my breath ragged, and soon the arousal was too much, and I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.</p><p>Completely in tune with my body, she withdrew her mouth, causing me to look at her again.</p><p>"Can I?" she asked, tentatively circling me, and I could only nod in response. I was beyond comprehension now.</p><p>She entered me with two fingers, and my hands found her hair once more as she curled them upwards, moving them inside of me. I began pushing my hips into her, and together we found a pace that worked, as I dragged my nails down Santana's back causing her to moan.</p><p>It was that sound, paired with the added pressure of Santana's thumb gliding over me that sent me soaring, and with one last thrust of the hips I found myself at dizzying heights I'd never reached before. White stars pricked my eyes, as my walls tightened around Santana's fingers. She knew exactly when to remove them, and as I rode the rollercoaster of release, she cradled me.</p><p>When I finally opened my eyes to meet her, she looked at me with such fondness and care, I couldn't believe I had ever been worried to be with her in this way. It had felt like the most natural thing in the world.</p><p>"Are you okay?" she asked softly.</p><p>"Never better" I sighed contentedly, because that was all I could manage for now. And she leaned over me to place tender kisses on my eyelids, across each cheek, on my forehead, the tip of my nose, then down to my lips, whilst I lay there regaining my composure. She curled up next to me and soothingly stroked up and down my arm, until eventually I came back down to earth. I turned on my side, so we were fully facing each other and entwined her hands, placing a soft kiss on her left one.</p><p>"That was <em>incredible" </em>I breathed out.</p><p>She let out a soft chuckle.</p><p>"Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it" she smiled in that ever so bashful Santana way.</p><p>"I want to make you feel that good"</p><p>"Just relax Brit, we've got forever" she soothed, her hands still roaming down my arms and making their way down my sides as we enjoyed the intimacy.</p><p>But I knew how worked up she was. And I wanted to make her feel the way I felt so badly, so I boldly captured her in a deep kiss, which she happily returned, pressing herself into me and groaning at the contact.</p><p>"I don't think I can last long Brit" she breathed frantically.</p><p>"Shh" I hushed her gently, as I began exploring her body with my hands, my thumbs grazing over her erect nipples.</p><p>I kissed everywhere. Wanting to taste her, wanting to feel her, and I felt her starting to whimper and shake beneath me. I wanted to take my time with her, but I knew she needed me.</p><p>I pushed my thigh into her, and she let out another throaty moan, my own arousal building vastly again at the sounds she was making, the pleasure evident in the contortion of her face.</p><p>Knowing I couldn't drag it out with her for much longer, I moved down her body and swiftly removed her panties, before moving back up to her face, my own just inches from her. I needed my doubtful girl to know this.</p><p>"You, Santana Lopez" I husked "are the most beautiful sight I've <em>ever</em> seen".</p><p>I kissed her hard, as my hand found her inner thigh, and before long I was exploring her silk folds. It was a world so new to me, but it also felt so familiar at the same time. All I could do was take cues from Santana and she seemed to be enjoying everything I did, which was the most satisfying thing I'd ever seen.</p><p>As I dipped inside her, aware she was teetering on the edge, I studied her face. Every time she let out a pleasurable moan or a whimper, I felt my own arousal pang, but nothing prepared me for the sight of her coming undone. Watching her face go from one of intense need to pure euphoria, was nearly enough to send me flying again.</p><p>I had done that to her, and quite frankly, I'd never been so pleased with myself.</p><p>She breathlessly pulled me towards her, my fingers still inside her, as her our sweaty foreheads clashed together. I knew she just needed to be close to me, as she kissed me firmly on the lips. I slowly removed myself from her as she panted against me, and she collapsed back on the bed in a heap, pulling me with her.</p><p>I simply wrapped her in my arms and peppered her with kisses, as I waited for her to come down.</p><p>The only words she was breathlessly capable of in that moment being</p><p>"Brit…you are just…everything".</p>
<hr/><p>The storm stayed for our last day in paradise, and anybody else might have found this disappointing, but for Santana and I it was the perfect excuse to stay in our room all day and further explore our newfound chapter. We didn't get dressed <em>all </em>day, and I lost count of the number of orgasms shared between us, but hey- we had a lot of lost time to make up for.</p><p>Begrudgingly I tore myself away to get ready, because Santana said she had one last surprise up her sleeve for our last night here. This was easier said than done because apparently even showers turn to sex once you've opened the door to the magical world that is lady sex.</p><p>I really could have stayed in that hotel room until the taxi to the airport came to collect us in the morning, but when Santana whipped a blindfold on me and took me by the hand to lead me to her surprise, I knew what she had planned had to be worth it.</p><p>"Okay, here we are babe!" she smiled excitedly, as she removed my blindfold. I took in the sight of the romantic looking wooden treehouse, set atop a flight of wooden lit stairs. A single table for two could be seen inside, and as we walked up to the sound of music; I even noticed the small details of the band playing "Mine" on the Hawaiian ukulele. Considering we shared a kiss to that song, it was a special one for us, plus the fact it was a special little girl's favourite ever song. Santana really had gone all out here, and I felt myself tearing up. When she had planned it what with all our escapades, I had no idea, but I was so grateful for her.</p><p>When we reached the top, I was stunned by the panoramic ocean views. It was a private dining experience just for the two of us, a private chef there to provide our 7-course-meal, freshly cooking whatever we fancied. As we stood beneath the canopy of mangos and avocados, I turned to her and took her hand in mine.</p><p>"This is amazing honey. Thank you so much" I said earnestly.</p><p>"Well, I figured it was high time I took my girlfriend out, on our first official date" she blushed, that dimpled smile that I loved so much, making an appearance.</p><p>"Celebrating anything special tonight ladies?" the waiter had asked at the beginning of the experience.</p><p>"Just our togetherness" Santana smiled warmly, as my heart beat ferociously inside of me.</p><p>Naturally, we couldn't keep our hands off each other all evening, and when the dining experience was over (the best food I had <em>ever</em> eaten may I add), we headed hand in hand back towards our room since we had an early start tomorrow. I knew we definitely wouldn't be sleeping straight away though, because as much as we were both itching to see a certain almost 11-year-old tomorrow, we needed to enjoy this privacy and togetherness while we could.</p><p>Before we got back, we stopped to have our picture taken, and an old married couple stopped and smiled at us.</p><p>"We couldn't help but notice you around the resort a few times, and you look very in love. When you get to our age, it's always so refreshing to see" said the woman.</p><p>"Thank you" Santana smiled "We certainly are very in love"</p><p>"How long have the two of you been together?" the man asked, and as Santana paused to think about it, I immediately answered.</p><p>"12 years" I said, confident and proud.</p><p>"Wow that's an achievement in itself!" said the woman "well it looks like you don't need any advice from us, but the key to it all is even when you're old and grey, remember how in love you are in this moment. Never forget it, and your love will never fade".</p><p>"Seems to work for us" the man smiled, and leaned forward to kiss his wife, and my heart swelled both at their adorableness- because who doesn't love an old married couple- and at the thought of growing wrinkly and grey with Santana.</p><p>After we had wished the cute couple well and said our goodbyes, thanking them for their advice and assuring them we'll take it on board, Santana turned to me.</p><p>"12 years huh?" she raised her brow with a smirk.</p><p>"Well, we could hardly say the real answer, we're supposed to be married remember?" I laughed. "No but seriously, that is the real answer. We may not have been physically together, but you've had my heart since our very first kiss so…we've always been together in my here" I gestured, tapping against my chest.</p><p>Santana's expression looked though her own heart was melting, as she let out a watery smile.</p><p>"I mean, I could have said since we were 5, since that's probably the real answer if we're going with how long I've loved you., but I guess that might have sounded a <em>little</em> weird"</p><p>"Maybe just a bit" Santana laughed, before her expression turned serious "I feel the same though. I love you, B. I can't believe I'm lucky enough to be the one to call you my girlfriend".</p><p>"Well believe it, because it's true"</p><p>"For always?"</p><p>"For always, always".</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. Chapter 46</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Due to the time difference, it was past midnight when they landed back in Columbus, and they were glad of the last-minute decision they made to stay in the airport hotel before embarking on the drive back. Two hours wasn't a long way to go at all, but it felt like it when they had been travelling all day.</p><p>The next morning, they were up early and ready to go, and they spent the whole car ride happily reminiscing over their blissful vacation together; happy in the knowledge they were officially together now and going back to reality wasn't going to change that. They had travelled to the airport separately on the way here, so not to rouse any suspicion, but on the way back they could get away with saying that Santana was picking Brittany up from the airport since they were going with the narrative that Sam was getting an interconnecting flight to LA for work. In reality Sam of course was already in LA, and had been all along, and their cover story seemed bullet proof. But as the road signs indicated they were getting closer and closer to Lima; Santana began to sense a change in Brittany's mood. She took her opportunity when they stopped at a red light and reached out across the centre console for Brittany's hand.</p><p>"You okay my love? You seem quiet"</p><p>She stroked her thumb across Brittany's hand, patiently awaiting a response.</p><p>"I just feel so bad for lying to my parents like this" Brittany sighed "In my head the plan that Sam and I have sounds good, and it's probably going to cause less drama than if we were to admit we never even made it on honeymoon, but now we're getting closer I'm like…am I going to be able to hold this together? I feel so guilty for lying."</p><p>"That's understandable Brit. Nobody likes lying to their parents. Are you thinking of reconsidering and telling them earlier?"</p><p>"I can't. Sam and I have an agreement, it would be unfair to tell my parents before he has the chance to speak to his. Besides I'm in the thick of the lies now. They already think I went on honeymoon with him, if I backtrack on that and say all this time that I was with you then they're going to <em>flip</em> out. But I just don't know how I'm going to answer all my mom's questions about the nice time we had there and all the things we did…"</p><p>"Well," Santana chewed her lip thoughtfully "I guess you could answer that part honestly. Talk about our vacation, talk about the things that you and I did. That way you're not really lying, you're just telling a different version of the truth. They don't need to know it was with me and not Sam."</p><p>She looked at Brittany and hoped it would give her some reassurance. Whether Brittany wanted to tell her parents now or later, she was fully supportive, but Brittany was saying she couldn't tell them now so all she could do was try and make her feel better about holding off on telling them. Brittany still looked unsure though, so Santana continued.</p><p>"It's not like you plan on lying to them for weeks babe. In 10 days; they'll know the truth. Your reason for holding back isn't that you're wanting to deceive them, you're just trying to prevent more drama and hurt, and waiting so that Sam has the opportunity to tell his parents at the same time. I think that's fully understandable".</p><p>"I guess so, but I just hate that our beginning has start like this. Like some sordid secret. I just want to shout to the world about how happy we are together, but I can't".</p><p>Santana's face softened at the sadness mirrored in Brittany's eyes.</p><p>"Hey, there's nothing that I want more than to shout to the world that you're mine too. I'm so proud to be with you, but at the same time, I think it's nice that we have this little bubble still. It doesn't matter when people find about us, all I care about is you and I being happy. The rest of the world can wait".</p><p>"I guess when you put it like that, it does sound a lot better. Just you and I in our happy bubble, that no one can touch".</p><p>"See! Loads of couples wait a while before telling everyone they're together, for that same reason. Or sometimes because they're not sure if they're going to be in it for the long-haul, but that's obviously not an issue for us. It's going to be ridiculously hard keeping my hands off you in front of everyone at Mila's party on Saturday, but…I actually like being your sordid little secret"</p><p>Santana winked, causing Brittany to smirk and go all doe eyed.</p><p>"Oh yeah…"</p><p>Santana giggled, happy that her girlfriend looked more relaxed as they neared Brittany's parents' house where she was dropping her off.</p><p>"Do you know someone I am just dying to tell more than anyone though?" Santana asked, a smile appearing on her face at the thought.</p><p>Brittany could guess, but she played dumb anyway, her own smile mirroring Santana's.</p><p>"Who?"</p><p>"Mila. She is going to be so happy about this when she finds out"</p><p>"Yeah?" Brittany smiled wider, butterflies popping in her stomach at the thought.</p><p>"Seriously. When I think about how she's going to react, I get so excited! It'll be like telling her she's going to Disney World all over again except the vacation never stops."</p><p>"You're confident she's going to react well then? She won't be, I don't know…weirded out or anything?"</p><p>Santana shook her head adamantly.</p><p>"Someone I love with all of my heart once told me that this child of mine only cares about one thing. My happiness."</p><p>Brittany gestured to herself bashfully, remembering it was in fact herself that told Santana that.</p><p>"Yeah…you" Santana laughed, before stopping to look at Brittany for a second, swallowing her emotions. "I'm serious I mean, living my life with you is one of the only things that's as good in real life as it actually is in my imagination. Not only will Mila feel that, but she adores you herself. She sees you as part of her family already. You mean the world to both of us."</p><p>"Wow, you really know how to make a girl soft huh Miss Lopez?" Brittany laughed, wiping tears from her eyes that suddenly brimmed, as Santana laughed along with her. When the laughter died down and they had stopped at another red light, she reached out for Brittany again and gave her hand a gentle squeeze.</p><p>"I'm serious. You make me so happy"</p><p>Brittany raised Santana's hand to her lips, opening it out flat and placing a kiss against the heel.</p><p>"And I am never going to stop doing just that. As an astrophysics buff, I am one of the few people who understands the concept of infinity, and I…will love you until infinity Santana Lopez"</p><p>Santana let out a shy smile, her chocolate eyes becoming lost in Brittany's sparkling blue ones.</p><p>"And I will love you until infinity too Brit."</p><hr/><p>Santana dropped Brittany back at her parents (but not before Santana parked up the street for a good 5 minutes so she could kiss Brittany goodbye without anyone seeing), with the plan for her to spend the night there before coming by Santana's early the next morning ready for Mila's birthday. As she drove away from the Pierce's, opting to wave from a distance rather than going in because she was desperate to see Mila by now, she took out her cell to call Quinn. It rang just twice before Quinn's voice appeared in her ear.</p><p>"She's here and ready for you. And I made sure to hop her up on alllll the sugar ready for her to come back to you"</p><p>"That had better be one of your jokes, Q" I scowled playfully, even though she couldn't see me.</p><p>Quinn let out a throaty laugh.</p><p>"Where are you?"</p><p>"I just dropped Brit off with her parents, so I can come by now and pick her up if that's good with you?"</p><p>"Well, I was joking about the sugar for the most part, but I have taken her to IHOP for a pre-birthday breakfast, her pick, so there is about to be some <em>serious</em> pancake consumption going down. We're just waiting for our food, so I can drop her off when we're finished if you want? Unless of course you want to meet us here".</p><p>Santana smiled to herself thinking just how much Quinn despised IHOP but was happy to go there for Mila. She was a great person in her child's life, and she felt so glad she picked her to be second godmother.</p><p>"No that works great actually if you could drop her off. Gives me time to start on the unpacking and give the place a tidy before my beloved daughter comes home like a hurricane and messes it all up again" Santana laughed.</p><p>"Okay, well I'll be about an hour then. See you soon!"</p><p>Sure enough, an hour later an excitable 10-year-old burst through the door, Santana finding it emotional that this was the last day she'd be able to call her a 10-year-old.</p><p>"Mama!" Mila cried, running straight for Santana's open arms and wrapping her legs around Santana as she picked her up and peppered her with kisses. She may have been 11 tomorrow, but Santana was clinging on to this side to Mila for as long as she could, before she no longer wanted her cuddles and kisses. Maybe she'd be lucky and Mila wouldn't go through that hormonal stage, she could hope, but either way her days of being able to lift her daughter weren't going to last much longer. It was only the fact that Mila measured small for her age (there were some 8-year-olds taller than her at school) that she was able to do so now. Santana was also small though, so she knew scooping her up the way she just did wasn't going to be possible soon.</p><p>"My angel! I missed you so very much" said Santana, closing her eyes as she breathed in the familiar smell of her daughter,</p><p>"I missed you too Mama" she said earnestly, as Santana set her back down on the floor, Quinn watching them with a smile.</p><p>As Mila ran upstairs to put her bags in her room, Santana turned to Quinn. She had already thanked her for having Mila, and Quinn had told her every time that she didn't need to thank her, but still Santana had to thank her once again and Quinn had to respond by telling her it was no problem, and it was a pleasure to look after Mila and spend time with her.</p><p>"Do you want to stay for coffee? Or tea?" Santana asked, once the round of thank yous were out of the way.</p><p>"Ordinarily I would but I'm gonna have to pass…I actually have a date I need to start getting ready for"</p><p>"A date hey? Who's the lucky guy this time?" Santana winked, but for once she noticed Quinn was actually being shy about it.</p><p>"Look at you acting all coy!" Santana gasped "Okay now you have to tell me who it is! Do I know him? Is he from here?"</p><p>"Well…you could say that. You know how I hooked up with your school friend at the wedding…"</p><p>Santana gasped even louder.</p><p>"No effin' way! Finn!? Finn Hudson? You're going on a date with <em>Finn</em> Hudson?"</p><p>Quinn laughed nervously in a way that Santana had never seen her before, and she realised their usual playfulness might not have been appropriate in this situation when Quinn for once seemed genuinely modest.</p><p>"Aw Q that's seriously sweet. Finn is a lovely guy. He could be good for you." Santana offered, even though in her head she thought they were the most unlikely couple. Finn was the complete opposite to the type of guy Quinn usually dated, but maybe this actually could work in her favour.</p><p>Quinn seemed to relax a bit more at that, and she seemed grateful Santana didn't ask any more questions or tease her about it. But after Santana had called Mila back down to say her goodbyes, she couldn't help but throw just one playful comment in as she took Quinn into a hug to say goodbye herself.</p><p>"I always knew you were after my sloppy seconds, Fabray" Santana whispered, and to her relief, Quinn did see the humour in it and laughed too.</p><p><em>"Me with Brittany Pierce and Quinn with Finn Hudson, who would have thought it all those years ago hey?</em>" Santana laughed to herself.</p><hr/><p>"Come here and snuggle with me my big, grown up girl" Santana had requested, as soon as Quinn and left, and for the past hour she had enjoyed catching up with her daughter and hearing all about her time at Quinn's. Mila had asked about Hawaii in return, with Santana just feigning it off as a boring business trip, nothing for her to feel she had missed out on.</p><p>She was well aware that she needed to talk about the Lily situation, but she decided to leave that until later on and just enjoy a nice day with her daughter.</p><p>"So, are you all excited for your big day tomorrow munchkin?" Santana asked, ruffling Mila's hair.</p><p>"Mamiiiii, you gotta stop calling me that" Mila complained, though with a slight hint of a smile on her face.</p><p>"What? Just because you're about to turn 11 tomorrow missy, doesn't mean you're too old to be my munchkin"</p><p>Mila simply laughed before changing the line of conversation.</p><p>"Will my Aunty Brit be here early in the morning?" she asked, excited at the fact Brittany was coming over tomorrow to spend the day with them.</p><p>"She sure will angel. And we can spend the day however you like, then we have your sleepover at night"</p><p>Mila bit her lip and swallowed, a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Santana, and she was about to question her when Mila spoke out and answered for her.</p><p>"I'm not so sure I want a sleepover Mama. I think I just want to spend the day with just you and Aunty Brit" she shrugged.</p><p>Santana was shocked by this, because Mila always loved having a birthday sleepover, and the fact her birthday fell on Spring Break this year meant she could have one on her actual birthday.</p><p>"Oh…okay darling well, it's your day. We can spend it however you want to spend it. You always love your sleepovers though, is there something you're not telling me?"</p><p>Mila shrugged again.</p><p>"I guess I just feel too big for sleepovers now. I'm already having a party at the weekend; I don't need two of them. Some kids in my class don't even get one".</p><p>Santana looked curiously at her daughter, trying to work out if she was hiding things from her. She knew from her own experience as a kid, that Mila definitely wasn't too old for sleepovers, in fact this was prime sleepover age. But much like Brittany, Mila was a real empath. It wouldn't be unfeasible for her to feel guilty about having two parties if the other kids in her class didn't have one at all.</p><p>"Well, that's very nice of you to think about the other people in your class Moo, I'm very proud of you for that. I'll give the girls mom's a call and let them know, maybe we can have a non-birthday sleepover instead one time?"</p><p>"Okay" Mila nodded.</p><p>"Why don't you have a think about what you want to do tomorrow instead?"</p><p>Mila nodded again, and Santana went off into the kitchen to make herself a coffee before calling the girls moms. Mila had 3 friends invited: Lily, Madison and Brianna. She didn't know Madison's mom so well since Madison had only transferred to Mila's school this year. The little impression she did have of her was that she looked down on people, so she called her first, figuring she'd get the more awkward one out of the way. To Santana's surprise, Madison's mom insisted she knew nothing of a sleepover. She thought that maybe Madison didn't want to come and so hadn't passed the message onto her mother, but then Brianna's mom said the same thing. Brianna was never aware of any sleepover. Maybe Mila wanted it to be just her and Lily, the way Santana had always wanted it to be just her and Brittany but a call to Lily's mother confirmed the opposite when she too knew nothing about a sleepover.</p><p>"I thought it was strange when Lily said Mila wasn't having a sleepover this year" she had said.</p><p>Now Santana really was confused, and she made a mental note to talk to Mila about it that evening, when she had planned to talk to her anyway.</p><hr/><p>When the evening rolled around, Santana walked into Mila's bedroom the way she did every night at 9:30pm to tell her to put her book down because it was lights out now, but instead of crouching down to give her a kiss goodnight, she did something a little different.</p><p>"Can I squeeze in for the last ever cuddle with my ten-year-old?" she asked, gesturing to the bed, and Mila nodded. As much as she was trying to act like she was growing too big for pet names and constant cuddles and kisses, she did still love these moments.</p><p>Santana climbed in and just cuddled Mila for a second as she braced herself for the conversation ahead. She really wanted to get to the bottom of a few things with her, and she hoped the vulnerability of night-time would help Mila open up more, in the same way it had helped her and Brittany. If pillow talk was something she was going to regularly implement with Brittany, maybe she should make her own mother-daughter version for her and Mila, to make sure in the challenging years ahead of her budding adolescence, that they stayed close.</p><p>"<em>Amorcita</em>, I wanted to talk to you about something" Santana began carefully "I was speaking on the phone earlier to Lily, Madison and Brianna's moms, and they mentioned that you didn't invite them to your sleepover…"</p><p>She looked at Mila's deep brown eyes, darting from side to side, before pressing her further.</p><p>"Talk to me, Meels. Is there a reason you didn't want to invite them? You can tell me anything, you know that…"</p><p>And suddenly Santana saw something in Mila that frightened her. It was herself. Her young, defensive herself.</p><p>"I just didn't wanna okay!"</p><p>"Mila…"</p><p>"No Mama, I don't want to talk about this!"</p><p>And as Mila sat up to get out of the bed, Santana grabbed her hand to stop her.</p><p>"No, come on. We're not doing this. We're not locking our feelings up inside and not talking about them because that's not good for you" she said firmly, pulling Mila back to sit on the bed.</p><p>"Come on baby, I know that something is bothering you, and I can't help you if you don't talk to me…" said Santana, softening her approach. She waited in a hopeful silence, but still nothing, so she continued on again. "I was your age once you know. And do you know what, I used to do exactly what you're doing now to your Abuela."</p><p>"Not doing anything." Mila huffed.</p><p>"Yes, you are. You're being snappy and you're shutting me off because something is hurting you inside. But I know better than anyone that it only hurts more, so I don't want you to do that. I want you to talk to me because you can tell me anything. I love you more than anything in this world so it really hurts me to see you sad, but if I don't know what's wrong, I can't help you. So please just talk to me sweetheart?"</p><p>Mila sighed heavily, but to Santana's relief, she began to soften slightly.</p><p>"I just really didn't want a sleepover okay? Sleepovers are fun sometimes, but now we have to tell Ghost Stories, and I don't like them so much. I miss old sleepovers where we would play games and tell <em>nice</em> stories, but everyone says we can't do that now we're 11 because it's babyish. But I don't like being scared."</p><p>Santana studied Mila carefully before letting out a sigh of relief. She didn't know what she was expecting, but it wasn't that.</p><p>"Oh Moo. You don't have to be worried about being scared. You're still so young! I'm a grown-up and still <em>now</em> I don't like Ghost Stories. This is your birthday and if you want to tell nice stories instead, that's totally okay. Never let anybody discourage you from being you okay? You and your friends are all growing at different paces, there's no set way to be my <em>corazoncita</em>."</p><p>"Really?" Mila asked, her voice small, with all the vulnerability of a small child that reminded Santana she really was just a little girl still.</p><p>"Really." Santana nodded firmly, taking Mila into a warm hug and just holding her close for a minute or so before breaking the silence. "You know, you remind me so much of your Aunty Brit. She always used to get scared of things like this too. You remember that I told you she was scared of the dark don't you?"</p><p>"Mm-hm" Mila nodded "And you got her the glow in the dark stars."</p><p>"That's right. Aunty Brit never liked Ghost Stories so much either."</p><p>"What did she used to do?"</p><p>"She used to ask to hold my hand under the blankets."</p><p>"And you did?"</p><p>"Of course. I would have done anything to make her feel better. Just like I would do anything to make you feel better."</p><p>Mila smiled at that.</p><p>"But you know one thing about Aunty Brit?"</p><p>"Mm-hm?"</p><p>"She was never, ever afraid of being herself. She didn't care if she liked something different to everybody else. If she liked it, she liked it. It never mattered what anybody else thought. So that's what I want you to do for me, okay?"</p><p>Mila nodded, seemingly feeling a lot better about things after a talk with her Mami.</p><p>"How about things with Lily. Things are okay with you now? Because I was so sad to hear that you'd been fighting with her. Lily is your best friend".</p><p>"Everything's okay now" Mila shrugged.</p><p>"Can you tell me about what you were fighting about?" Santana asked softly. "I won't be angry, I promise, I just want to know".</p><p>There was a long pause before Mila spoke up again, her mother's eyes looking expectantly at her.</p><p>"It was a fight about a boy in my class. We both fancy him, but I liked him first and Lily stole him, so I lost my temper"</p><p>Now it was Santana's turn to sigh heavily.</p><p>"Well, that doesn't sound very like you to lash out and lose your temper like that"</p><p>"I know, I'm really sorry Mama. It won't happen again. I promise." Mila looked down sadly, and while Santana did believe she genuinely was sorry and wouldn't do it again, she couldn't believe an elementary school crush had caused her to lash out in the first place. But then she herself had been known to have similar fights, although in middle school and high school, boys weren't even on her radar in Elementary. But there again, she is a lesbian, she mused.</p><p>"It's never right to hit somebody Mila. I've brought you up better than that. You could have really hurt Lily. You don't fight with your best friend, especially not about boys, understood?"</p><p>"So, you and Aunty Brit never had a fight about boys?"</p><p>Santana shuffled uncomfortably because technically, yes, but not <em>that</em> kind of fight about boys.</p><p>"I've never had a fight like that with Aunty Brit. It's not right to hit anybody, but least of all your best friend" she said firmly, before softening slightly after she was sure Mila could feel her disappointment sink in "But…I do believe you won't do it again, and I believe that you are sorry, and I know you have already been punished so I'm not going to punish you anymore. If you ever feel angry like that again, I want you to count to ten in your head and take some deep breaths."</p><p>"Okay, I really will. I promise".</p><p>"Just promise me that everything is okay between you two now?".</p><p>"I promise".</p><p>"Good girl" Santana whispered softly, feeling relieved to have finally talked everything out with Mila, and taking her into another hug.</p><p>"Mama?"</p><p>"Yes sweetheart?"</p><p>"Since you want me to be myself…I would really, really love a unicorn themed sleepover with you just you and Aunty Brit tomorrow. Everyone says unicorns are for babies, but I love them. I think they are so pretty."</p><p>And Santana stifled a laugh, because if she didn't physically push Mila out almost exactly 11-years-ago, and if she wasn't such a carbon copy of her in the looks department, she could swear Mila was Brittany's biological daughter and not her own.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0047"><h2>47. Chapter 47</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Santana rubbed her eyes; she was so ready for her bed, but she needed to finish wrapping Mila's presents for the morning. She had been texting Brittany back and forth throughout the day, and when she had told her that Mila wanted a unicorn themed sleepover Brittany had told Santana to leave it with her, and that she'd be round early in the morning to help Santana set everything up before Mila woke up.</p><p>From: Santana</p><p>
  <strong>Oh babe, you don't have to do that! You know how early she's going to be up.</strong>
</p><p>From: Brittany</p><p>
  <strong>Don't be silly San, I want too! I want to be there when she wakes up and to see her little face when she sees all the unicorn magic!</strong>
</p><p>So, it was settled. All Santana needed to do was finish the wrapping, then she could head to bed, but with her picking up her phone every time it buzzed in case it was Brittany, the wrapping was taking longer than anticipated. On this occasion, it was Brittany.</p><p>From: Brittany</p><p>
  <strong>Just got into bed now. It feels so weird without you wrapped around me. Wish you were here</strong>
</p><p>Santana's heart hurt at that. She wasn't looking forward to spending her first night without Brittany either, she was too used to the feeling of being held by her, and she felt so warm and safe in her arms.</p><p>From: Santana</p><p>
  <strong>I wish that too, babe. At least we have tomorrow though, and the rest of the week if you want to stay. But I'm really going to struggle to sleep without you tonight, who's going to keep me warm?</strong>
</p><p>From: Brittany</p><p>
  <strong>Duh! Of course, I'm staying with you the rest of the week. I'm cherishing every minute with you before I have to go back to New York. I know! I'm literally so cold right now, what did I do before you!? Are you in bed yet?</strong>
</p><p>From: Santana</p><p>
  <strong>Oh don't, I don't even want to think about you going back to New York. Let's not think about it. Not in bed yet, wrapping presents for Moo! I am so tired though!</strong>
</p><p>From: Brittany</p><p>
  <strong>Me too! Earlier I nearly fell asleep at dinner listening to my mom going on and on about some argument she'd had at the store. You know how she goes on, and you know how I can literally fall asleep anywhere! Okay honey let me know when you're in bed!</strong>
</p><p>From: Santana</p><p>
  <strong>Hahaha I know that very well Miss Pierce. I've had to elbow you in the ribs a few times to wake you. Babe don't wait up for me. You should sleep if you're tired xxx</strong>
</p><p>From: Brittany</p><p>
  <strong>No I wanna wait for you. I won't sleep well if I don't hear your voice before I sleep. Call me when you're in bed, I'll be up. Promise! X</strong>
</p><p>From: Santana</p><p>
  <strong>You're adorable. Okay, be as quick as I can! &amp; for the record I wouldn't have slept well without hearing your voice either xxx</strong>
</p><p>Santana finished up as quick as she could, eager to not keep Brittany awake and fighting sleep like she knew she would be, and also excited at the prospect of speaking to her and feeling semi like she was in bed with her. 30 minutes later, she was finally in bed, and she pulled out her iPad and clicked FaceTime. She waited a few seconds, until she heard the familiar sound of the call connecting and a tired looking Brittany appeared on the screen, melting Santana's heart in the process with how utterly adorable she looked.</p><p>"Hey you! Thought I'd do one better and FaceTime instead of calling, that way I actually get to see you". Santana began, and Brittany let out a sweet, tired laugh that was like music to Santana's ears.</p><p>"Why didn't I think of that? You're right, this is so much better. Now I can actually put you on the pillow and fall asleep with you, and when I wake up, I'll get to see your face".</p><p>"Well, I figured this is what we're going to have to do when you're in New York. Because there's no way I'm going to be able to get used to not falling asleep with you now".</p><p>They exchanged small talk for a few minutes, just checking in on each other, before sleep began to wash over them. As Santana put the iPad on the pillow next to her, she closed her eyes and was just about to drift off when she heard Brittany's sleepy voice again.</p><p>"I love you, Santana Lopez"</p><p>Brittany watched as Santana let out a content smile at the words, her eyes still firmly shut, before she opened them to look at Brittany again.</p><p>"I love you too, Brit-Brit".</p><hr/><p>The next morning, Brittany was round bright and early, and the way they reunited was as if they had spent weeks away from each other; not 24 hours.</p><p>"I missed you. I missed you. I missed you" Santana enunciated each "I missed you" with a firm kiss, as soon as Brittany was inside the door.</p><p>"Not as much as I missed you!" said Brittany, and she picked Santana up dramatically, causing Santana to laugh wildly.</p><p>"Shh!" Brittany laughed "You'll wake Moo up!"</p><p>Mission Unicorn was a go, and soon Brittany and Santana had decked out the living room with rainbow coloured fairy lights in the shape of unicorns, pastel balloons and since Brittany was involved; lots of glitter and sparkles. As Brittany stood back and proudly admired her work, she turned excitedly to Santana.</p><p>"Should we go wake her?"</p><p>Santana laughed at Brittany's childlike enthusiasm, if she wasn't already sure Brittany was the one for her, she would be just off the way she treated her daughter alone.</p><p>"Let's do it!" Santana agreed, and the two of them went up the stairs and opened the door to find Mila fast asleep. They stood in the doorway for just a second, and Santana swallowed a lump in her throat, as Brittany reached out and squeezed her hand because she intuitively knew what Santana was thinking before she vocalised it.</p><p>"I can't believe it's been 11 years since I gave birth to her. I can't believe my baby is 11!"</p><p>Brittany simply shook her head in agreement, because she too couldn't believe that the tiny 2-week-old baby she had once held in her arms was now a pre-teen.</p><p>"Me neither San. Me neither."</p><p>As they watched Mila begin to stir, Brittany quickly stepped forward, giving Santana the extra minute she needed to recompose herself.</p><p>"Good morning my beautiful Pisces child! Happy birthday!" said Brittany, as she stroked Mila's hair which was fanned over the pillow.</p><p>On hearing Brittany's voice Mila's eyes sprung open and she sat up excitedly.</p><p>"Aunty Brit! I didn't know that you were coming over this early!"</p><p>"Well, I had to be here to watch my favourite girl open all of her presents, didn't I?" she said, as she took the 11-year-old into a tight embrace and pressed a noisy kiss on her cheek. "I wouldn't miss this for the world Little Moo"</p><p>"Only I'm not so little anymore. I'm 11. <em>Almost</em> a middle schooler if you must know!"</p><p>"I don't care if you're in college, you'll always be my Little Moo to me" Brittany said as she attacked Mila with more kisses across her face causing the girl to scream in delight, begging her to stop through her laughter.</p><p>Santana wiped her tears as she watched them with a smile on her face, feeling composed enough to go in now.</p><p>"Feliz cumpleaños mi amor!" said Santana, rushing in to hold her daughter close. "Te quiero mucho".</p><p>"Gracias Mama, yo también te amo"</p><p>"Are you ready to go downstairs and see what Aunty Brit and I have set up for you?"</p><p>"Oh yes please Mami!" said Mila, jigging up and down excitedly on her bed.</p><p>As expected, Mila was ecstatic when she saw the decorations downstairs, and her excitement increased ten-fold when Brittany placed a Unicorn headband on her head.</p><p>"But it gets better!" said Brittany, eyes twinkling "Me and Mama have one too!"</p><p>Once again Mila whooped with joy, and Santana giggled as she took the headband off Brittany and put it on. She didn't care if she looked stupid, her daughter and her girlfriend looked utterly adorable, and she could tell this was making Mila so happy.</p><p>"Is that the same head band you had in Senior Year Brit?" Santana laughed, recalling the time Brittany wore a unicorn headband when she was in the midst of her school presidential campaign.</p><p>"Sure is" Brittany smiled proudly "It's in mint condition, because it only comes out on very special occasions. Such as the birthday of one very, special little girl!"</p><p>Mila ripped pastel coloured unicorn paper off of presents, which included new paints since she was still very into her art and some "grown-up" things that she had requested like a handbag that was similar to Santana's. It was the pointe shoes that got the biggest reaction though.</p><p>"You got me pointe shoes! This is the best birthday ever! Does this mean I can finally dance on pointe!?" she yelled, eyes wide with excitement.</p><p>"It does. Aunty Brit and I have talked a lot about this, and she thinks you are ready to go on pointe. But you only do it with supervision from her or your dance teachers".</p><p>Brittany nodded her head in agreement.</p><p>"That's very important Meels. I know you're dying to master it, but pointework takes time and we need to make sure we're doing it right okay? We don't want to damage those talented little feet of yours".</p><p>"Okay, okay, I promise. But can I at least try them on?" she exclaimed, before running over to Santana and giving her a giant hug "Thank you so much Mama, this is the best present ever!"</p><p>And as Mila excitedly tried on the shoes after being granted permission, Santana flashed Brittany a grateful smile, because of course she was the one who had picked the shoes (Santana didn't know the first thing about the best type of pointe shoes) and had made sure she was ready for them asking Mila to demonstrate in the months leading up to her birthday and analysing videos that Santana would send through.</p><p>When the pointe shoe excitement had died down, Brittany's main present to Mila stirred that excitement right back up again. Brittany had always been interested in photography, and she used every instance to take photos of New York, of her family, of Santana and Mila. Like many things, as soon as Mila saw Brittany develop an interest in something, she wanted to do the same. Santana had many memories of a younger Mila standing behind the lens of Brittany's expensive DSLR camera, with Brittany stood behind her guiding the shot as she patiently explained how everything worked and they took photographs of Santana. She hated having her photo taken, but she was always happy to model for Brittany and Mila. Now, Brittany had bought Mila her own digital camera (they had to start small, a DSLR wasn't right just yet), and Mila was delighted.</p><p>After Santana cooked them up a breakfast of pancakes with plenty of whipped cream, marshmallows and sweetness, with Brittany setting up the camera for Mila while Santana did this, they headed out to try out the camera before heading to Maribel's house so she could see her granddaughter on her birthday.</p><p>It was a welcome distraction for Brittany, because while they were out the house for a couple of hours, she had arranged for a company that specialised in children's parties that she had seen a friend refer on Instagram, to come to Santana's house and add the finishing touches to Mila's unicorn sleepover.</p><p>When they opened the door, both Mila and Santana (who was also unaware of Brittany's surprise) gasped. Three tipis had been set out in the centre of the living room with rainbow cushions and soft pink blankets, and a unicorn sleep mask for everyone too.</p><p>"What do you think Moo? Pretty cool huh? I figured that whenever me and Mama had sleepovers, we used to build blanket forts, but this seemed even cooler".</p><p>"Aunty Brit I love it! Thank you so much. You're right, this is the coolest sleepover EVER!" she squealed, running over to hug Brittany, before running over to the tipis to investigate further.</p><p>Brittany turned to Santana who was shaking her head with a smile on her face.</p><p>"You really do spoil her Brittany Pierce. Both of us, for that matter".</p><p>"Only the best for my two girls!" Brittany shrugged, a smile mirroring Santana's adorned her own face, and in that moment, Santana wished nothing more than for Mila to know about them because she so easily could have kissed her right now.</p><hr/><p>Later that day, the three of them were cuddled up on the sofa watching Monsters Inc, Mila in the middle of course laying over both of them. Monsters Inc had been one of Brittany and Santana's favourite films in childhood, so naturally it was one of Mila's too.</p><p>"I'm just thinking San, we were 11 when we went to see this movie weren't we? Same age as you now Meels." Said Brittany just as the credits began to roll.</p><p>"Yeah, we were about that. Where does the time go!? I remember that like it was yesterday"</p><p>"Woah this film is super old then if you were only 11 when it came out" said Mila, and as Santana nudged her in the ribs she let out a laugh.</p><p>"Hey, I'm not <em>that</em> old missy! I'm only 29"</p><p>"30 in a month" Brittany winked, causing Santana to nudge her playfully too.</p><p>"Wait so how old were you when you had me again?" Mila questioned.</p><p>"I was 18 <em>mi amor</em>. I was very young".</p><p>"When I stayed over at Aunty Quinn's she showed me a photo of you two when I was in your tummy Mama. You look so big like you swallowed a bowling ball!". Mila laughed before turning to Brittany "Aunty Brit, did you have any photos with Mama like that?"</p><p>Brittany swallowed and Santana shifted uncomfortably, it was still a sore subject for them how Brittany had missed out on Santana's pregnancy all these years later. Brittany glanced over at Santana as she answered, letting her know she had this and knew how to answer it.</p><p>"Well, actually I do." Said Brittany, as she flicked through her iPhone and found the photo she wanted to find. It was one from the summer of 2008, before Brittany had left for New York and before Santana even knew she was pregnant, but it was after prom so she definitely would have been. "See here? You were just a tiny, tiny little pea at this point, but you were there".</p><p>Mila smiled as she studied the photo, before probing more.</p><p>"Did you get to feel me kicking inside when I grew? Aunty Quinn said she did and that I had real strong kicks, so it made sense I came out to be a dancer".</p><p>Brittany and Santana shared a look again, Brittany once again nodding to let Santana know she had this still.</p><p>"Actually Moo, I didn't get to feel you kick because I lived in New York by the time you were big enough to do that. I didn't even get to see you on the first day you were born but…I can tell you about the day I first ever got to meet you".</p><p>"How old was I?" Mila frowned, confused. She had always just assumed her Aunty Brit had been her life since forever, but Brittany soon assured her.</p><p>"Only two weeks old, so still a tiny, tiny baby. You lived in your Abuela's house at the time, and I watched your Mama scoop you out of the crib in her room and I remember thinking she was <em>so</em>, so good with you. You stopped crying straight away when she picked you up. Then she brought you over to the bed, and that was the first time I got to see your little face. I put my finger in your tiny little hand and you grabbed onto it, and my whole heart was filled with so much love. You looked just like your Mama too." Brittany wiped the tears she felt falling and when she looked over at Santana, she realised she was glassy eyed too. Reminiscing about the day when Brittany finally found out about Mila, was always emotional for them.</p><p>"I wish I could remember meeting you Aunty Brit" Mila said, wrapping her arms around Brittany when she noticed her tears.</p><p>"Oh, I know sweetheart, but you were just a new-born baby still. I have a photo though." said Brittany, and she pulled out a photo to reveal a pixelated photo of her, Santana and Mila laying back on the bed on that same night. Santana had her head resting on Brittany's shoulder and she wore a happy and sleepy smile on her face as she looked at Brittany, and Brittany was glancing down at Mila who was sleeping on her chest, still enamoured by her.</p><p>"I have a better one" Santana sniffed, wiping her own tears, and she pulled out her phone to reveal a photo of Brittany and Mila, Brittany eyes wide with love as she looked at the baby for the first time, and Mila surprisingly alert and staring back at her "This is the moment you very first met".</p><p>Brittany looked at Santana confused.</p><p>"When did you…San I didn't know you took this?"</p><p>"Mm-hm" Santana nodded "I took it while you weren't looking. I just wanted to capture the moment. I thought I had shown you years ago. There's this one too" Santana offered, pulling out another photo from the first time Brittany held Mila.</p><p>"I'm going to get these printed and framed" said Brittany, voice dazed as she traced the photos with her finger.</p><p>"And Moo, did you know that Aunty Brit's singing used to be one of the only things that stopped you from crying? You'd know her voice and her arms instantly, and whenever I handed you to her, you always calmed down. You had something called colic when you were a baby and it made you cry a lot. I remember one night; it was Aunty Brit's 19th birthday and she spent it with us. You were five months old, but I couldn't get you to stop crying, but guess who could?"</p><p>"Aunty Brit-Brit?" Mila smiled, referring to her childhood nickname for her, something she called her only occasionally now.</p><p>"That's right" Santana smiled back "You two always had a very special bond".</p><p>With both girls fully emotional, Mila looked between then, and Santana composed herself and squeezed her daughter's hand.</p><p>"Sorry darling, it's just that talking about you as a baby always gets us very emotional, especially on your birthday. Why don't you run upstairs and put your pyjamas on so we can kick off this slumber party?"</p><p>"Okay Mami" Mila agreed, no questions asked as she ran off towards her bedroom.</p><p>Santana looked over at Brittany who was particularly emotional, and she shuffled over and embraced her, placing a soft kiss to her forehead.</p><p>"You okay, B?"</p><p>Brittany nodded as she leaned against her.</p><p>"I am, I just… just, thank you San." Santana was confused at first, but then Brittany elaborated "Thank you for her. I know she came into the world a little unexpected, but I can't imagine life without her. I love her so much".</p><p>Santana's heart exploded at Brittany's words, and all she could do was squeeze her eyes shut to stop more tears from falling and bring Brittany's hand to her lips before finding the composure to speak again.</p><p>"Thank <em>you</em> for loving her and for always being so consistent in her life. She adores you Brittany".</p><p>They held each other and regained their composure as they waited for Mila to return, emotional in the fact that 11 years later, they were finally a family.</p><hr/><p>It was the doorbell that interrupted the cookie making. Santana smiled at Mila and Brittany eating the mixture out of the bowl and wiped her hands down before heading off to answer it.</p><p>"Be right back" she said, as she walked off, the smile still firmly on her face. She felt so happy. Doing family type things today with Brittany and Mila felt like what she had always dreamed of. She had a happy and healthy daughter, a beautiful, kind girlfriend who she had yearned to be with for years, nothing could wipe the smile from her face.</p><p>Or so she thought, until she opened the door and saw who was standing at the other side of it.</p><p>"Hey, how are you? I just wanted to drop this off to Mila" she said with a smile, waving the wrapped gift in the air.</p><p>Santana just frowned, dumbstruck. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out.</p><p>"Sorry, are you busy? I know I probably should have called or text, but I just figured I'd pop round".</p><p>Santana shook her head slightly before finally finding her words.</p><p>"Dani, what the hell are you doing here?"</p><p>This time it was Dani's turn to frown.</p><p>"I just said…I'm here to drop Mila her birthday gift. Santana, is everything okay?"</p><p>And suddenly Dani was met with a Lima Heights explosion, as Santana snapped.</p><p>"No actually! Everything's not okay. What makes you think you can just show up here out of the blue after two months and see <em>my</em> daughter on her birthday?"</p><p>"Santana I…I'm sorry it's been a few weeks since I've been in touch, but I think we both needed some space. You know I'm here for Mila day and night though, and you could have called me any time…"</p><p>"My daughter <em>doesn't</em> need you Dani." Santana cut in "It's not about you not being in touch, it's about you showing up like this now. You're not anything to Mila. You're not her second mom, her aunty, or anything like that. You were just her mom's girlfriend, so really Dani, why are you here?"</p><p>Dani winced at that, because it hurt, and she was shocked at Santana for even coming out with it.</p><p>"Hold on a second, why are you being like this? When we broke up, we left it on good terms and we were being friendly, now you're acting all hostile? I'm sorry Santana, but you're not being fair. I may not have been Mila's second mom, but I was in her life for a long time and we were pretty close. I'd like to think I could still be in her life as a friend, and you said yourself when we first broke up that I still could be."</p><p>"Yeah, well that was before I found out about the lengths you went to, to stop me and Brittany from being together" Santana said coldly. "Keeping that letter from me was one thing, but now I find out that you warned Brittany off. You're the one who made Brittany leave Lima. We could have saved ourselves so much heartache, and been together years ago, but oh no. You had to scare her off. Why would you do that!?"</p><p>"Because I loved you" Dani simply shrugged "Santana, we've been through all this. I tried to cling on to you because I wanted to be with you, and because of that I was crazy jealous of Brittany. It was wrong of me, and I'm sorry, but it was years ago…"</p><p>In the kitchen, Brittany was wondering where Santana had got to and when she heard voices starting to raise, she decided to check it out. She picked Mila up and put her on the kitchen counter so she could see the oven that was built into the unit.</p><p>"Watch the cookies for me angel, I'm just going to see where your Mama has got to"</p><p>She closed the door behind her to protect Mila's ears from what was potentially unfolding, and found Santana and Dani in the doorway, in what seemed to be a charged stand-off.</p><p>"Is everything okay?" she asked Santana softly, placing a hand on her shoulder. Santana's demeanour instantly softened at Brittany's touch as she felt her body relax, and she was just about to answer when Dani spoke.</p><p>"Look, all I wanna do is give Mila this birthday gift. Then I'm gone, I'm out of your hair I promise".</p><p>"No, I won't have you coming in and out of Mila's life and confusing or upsetting her. She's had a great birthday, and nothing and nobody is going to ruin that".</p><p>Knowing Santana and her stubbornness very well, Brittany gently turned her around and placed her hands over her shoulders.</p><p>"Babe, just give her five minutes."</p><p>"What! Brit are you kidding me? After everything she did to us to keep us apart?"</p><p>"That was years ago San. We're here now. We're happy and nothing is going to get in the way of that. But honey this isn't about us. It's about Mila. I really think she'd like to see Dani. Come on, this isn't you. Don't take your anger out on Moo"</p><p>Santana said nothing but Brittany could feel her resolve soften, so Brittany turned to Dani.</p><p>"Dani why don't you go and wait in the dining room and I'll go and get Mila"</p><p>Dani looked at Santana for further approval, and although Santana sighed, she nodded. She went to sit on the stairs as Dani retreated to the dining room and Brittany went to fetch Mila. A few minutes later, she appeared in the hallway with the little girl.</p><p>"There's somebody in there who wants to see you" Brittany smiled enthusiastically, and as she led Mila into the room, she let out an excited scream and ran towards her.</p><p>"Dani! I missed you so much!"</p><p>"Oh Moosh! I missed you so much too! Happy birthday!" Dani said, bending down to hug Mila.</p><p>Brittany couldn't deny that the sight brought a smile to her face, and as Dani mouthed a thank you over Mila's shoulder, Brittany simply nodded. She knew it was the right thing to do, and on hearing Mila's excitement from her position on the stairs, Santana knew it was the right thing to do too. She had just been momentarily blinded by anger, but she was so thankful to have Brittany there to rationalise everything.</p><p>Brittany closed the door behind her and walked over to the stairs, extending her hand for Santana to take.</p><p>"Come on" she smiled "let's give them some privacy".</p><hr/><p>Dani blip aside, the rest of the week was as enjoyable as Mila's birthday, with the three of them enjoying more quality time together and making memories. It was hard for Brittany and Santana in all their honeymoon period excitement to be subtle in front of Mila, when all they wanted to do was kiss and touch each other, but they managed to steal some snatched moments. Today was going to be even harder though because it was Mila's family birthday party, so they weren't just hiding their relationship from a little girl, they were hiding it from the whole of Santana's family.</p><p>The party was just going to be a family affair, but still Santana's family was big enough for it to require lots of food, so there she was in the kitchen trying to cram as much into her oven as possible. The guests had already started arriving and Santana was starting to get a little stressed and was feeling pulled in all directions, but luckily Brittany was playing host and entertaining everyone, while Quinn helped with the food. Suddenly Santana's phone rang, and she rolled her eyes, it was like the universe just didn't want her to get things done today, but she saw it was Puck so she knew she couldn't just ignore it.</p><p>"Hey, are you nearly here?" she said into the receiver, expecting Puck's arrival to their daughter's party at any time now, still trying to multitask with all the food she was preparing.</p><p>"<em>Actuallyyyyy</em>, I'm not gonna be able to make the party today. Can you let Mila know and tell her I'll take her out for ice cream another time or something?"</p><p>"What do you mean you can't make it?" Santana frowned.</p><p>"I mean what I said. Stacey has a nail appointment, so I won't be able to pick her up if I'm at the party. She got her dates mixed up".</p><p>Santana felt her anger rising to the surface. Puck was really going to let their daughter down last minute like this, over his dumb girlfriend's nail appointment? He'd never really been the paternal type, but recently he was becoming even more of a deadbeat dad.</p><p>"Oh, and doesn't Stacey have legs so that she can I don't know, walk maybe?" Santana tittered sarcastically.</p><p>"Look there's no point getting all snarky about it. I can't come, I'll make it up to her another time. Simple as. It's not like she's got a shortage of people coming what with the size of <em>your</em> family".</p><p>"No, you're right. My family will make the effort, the same way they do every year. Just a shame her <em>dad </em>can't do the same, and instead has to give lame excuses and cancel at the last minute. Not forgetting the fact, you have to take the cowards way out and have me be the one to disappoint her".</p><p>"I'm hanging up now. There seems to be an annoying rattling in my ear."</p><p>"Fuck you Puck!" Santana hissed, her rage getting the better of her.</p><p>Quinn, who had heard the whole thing on Santana's end, looked at her questioningly.</p><p>"What's he done now?" she rolled her eyes.</p><p>"He's not coming. He thinks it's okay to just cancel on our daughter like that at the last minute. Now I have to go tell her and explain to her why daddy can't be there for her on her birthday party" Santana sighed, slamming the baking tray down a little too forcefully and heading off to find Mila. She was better off doing this sooner rather than later.</p><p>She found her in the living room playing with some of her second cousins and softly pulled her to one side.</p><p>"Hey sweetheart, are you having fun?"</p><p>"I am Mama. The party is great, thank you" she smiled sweetly, always so grateful for everything she was given.</p><p>"Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it baby but listen, I have a little bit of bad news. Your dad can't make the party anymore, <em>but </em>he did say he's going to take you out for the biggest ice cream ever to make it up to you. And we're still going to have lots of fun right? Abuela's here, Aunty Brit, Aunty Quinn, Uncle Pabby and Sarah, all your cousins and great aunts and uncles…" said Santana, listing everybody present in a bid to make sure Mila still felt loved and wanted, despite her father's constant rejection of her over the years.</p><p>She braced herself for the disappointed reaction, but to her surprise, Mila just simply shrugged.</p><p>"S'okay Mama. I didn't want him to come anyway" she said, before running off into the garden where the other kids had congregated to play again, before Santana could even question it.</p><p>She really wasn't expecting that response, but maybe Mila was just being defensive like she herself got when she was upset. It was a trait she so badly wanted Mila to forgo, but maybe she had to accept it was part of her genetics. She didn't have much time to mull on it before she felt a hand pull her out into the hallway away from everyone.</p><p>Of course, it was Brittany.</p><p>"Everything okay honey?"</p><p>"It's Puck" Santana sighed "He cancelled last minute on Mila. She doesn't seem too fazed but…deep down I know she will be. I feel like I've spent my whole life trying to compensate for him and make sure Meels doesn't have any abandonment issues or feel unwanted or rejected, but then he goes and pulls stunts like this".</p><p>She felt herself getting emotional thinking about Mila and Puck's stormy past, and Brittany quickly reached out to grab her arms, running soothing patterns down them to comfort her.</p><p>"Hey, hey, hey. Come on, don't get upset. You know as well as I do that Mila feels very loved and wanted, and that she has lots of people around her to make her feel like that. Even Dani showed up on her birthday and wants to be in her life still. She did absolutely fine without Puck for the first few years without him, and she'd be absolutely fine without him now. What is it going to take to get you to believe me when I say that you're all she needs San?"</p><p>Santana bit her lip as the tears fell, as she let Brittany's words sink into her.</p><p>"I know it's just…my dad was always <em>so</em> present at my birthdays. It's a shame her dad can't do the same for her"</p><p>And Brittany swallowed as she watched Santana, because she knew she was still struggling with her father's death, it was still very recent; he hadn't even been gone 6 months. It was a pain that Brittany could only sympathise with rather than empathise, since she had never lost a parent. She didn't have the right words, so instead she glanced around to make sure nobody was looking and pulled Santana in, pressing a wordless kiss against her temple before moving to her forehead, across each fluttered eyelid, her nose and then her lips. And when she reached her lips, Santana let out an appreciative smile, because she knew that however she was feeling she would always have Brittany to keep her afloat.</p><hr/><p>Despite Puck throwing a spanner in the works, the party was a success and Mila had a great time. Santana got past her wobble and managed to have a great time too, the only thing being difficult was not being able to kiss Brittany and act like a couple in front of everyone. At least soon they wouldn't have to keep this a secret anymore. Instead, they had shared lots of subtle looks and touches, and they just hoped nobody caught onto it. The fact they were always so tactile in their friendship worked in their favour.</p><p>It had really taken its toll on Mila, because even though it was only 7:30pm she was passed out asleep on the sofa.</p><p>"I don't think I've seen her asleep this early for years" Santana laughed "she really must have enjoyed herself"</p><p>"Yep…sign of a good party alright" Brittany agreed "You carry on cleaning with your Mom, I'll carry this one up to bed".</p><p>"Thanks babe" Santana smiled appreciatively, placing a kiss on Mila's head when Brittany lifted her and brought her towards her, then a sly one on Brittany's cheek that made the blonde's cheeks go pink. It was just Maribel here now helping with the clean-up, the rest of the guests had gone home, so Santana knew the coast was clear.</p><p>"Well, your granddaughter is out like a light already" Santana laughed, coming into the kitchen to help Maribel clear everything away "Brittany has just carried her up to bed just now."</p><p>"I'm so glad my <em>amorcita </em>had fun<em>"</em> Maribel smiled happily, before her expression turned more thoughtful "Brittany is very good to her isn't she. She's very good to both of you".</p><p>"She is Mom, and we're both very grateful for her".</p><p>"It's good that you can have somebody like that there for you. Especially after everything that happened with Dani".</p><p>Santana shifted uncomfortably a bit at that, where was Maribel going with this?</p><p>"Well…she's always been a great friend to me. You know that Mom"</p><p>"Oh, I do know that <em>mija, </em>of course I do. But I'm talking less about her being a great friend more a…great lover?"</p><p>Santana dropped the stack of cups she was holding in shock, luckily they were all plastic, but they spilled out everywhere.</p><p>"Mom I…"</p><p>"I know Santana." said Maribel, with a knowing glint.</p><p>"How?"</p><p>"I have eyes <em>mija.</em> Don't you think I have seen the way you two have been looking at each other all day? All those secret touches where your hand would brush against Brittany's hip or her hand would linger when she passed you something"</p><p>Santana's eyes went wide, and she felt herself blushing.</p><p>"Do you think anyone else knows?"</p><p>"No. You were subtle. Not subtle enough to fool your Mami, but subtle enough so that nobody else knows. You look very happy <em>mija,</em> and that's all I care about. And you know I love Brittany like she is my own daughter. But I have to ask, Brittany just got married. Please tell me you are not having an affair behind his back, I raised you better than that Santana…"</p><p>"No Mami, it's not that at all. Brittany and Sam, they're not together anymore. They're having the marriage annulled because it wasn't right. Both of them rushed into it without thinking. They're going to tell their parents next week when Sam is back from his work commitments, so nobody else knows yet, that's including Mila. It's a really long and complicated story, and I promise to fill you in properly another time, but just know we aren't doing any cheating or anything like that. I know it may come as a shock, but Brittany and I are in love, and we have been for the longest time. Now we are finally together and making a go of it, but it's still very early days".</p><p>"Oh, it's not a shock" said Maribel.</p><p>"It's…not?"</p><p>Maribel shook her head firmly.</p><p>"I have known you and Brittany had feelings beyond friendships since you were young teenagers, not much older than Mila. Why do you think I was so unfazed when you came out as a lesbian? In my eyes it was just 'well it's about time!'"</p><p>Santana's mouth dropped open slightly as she processed what her mother was telling her.</p><p>"Why didn't you say anything?"</p><p>"Because I knew it was something that you two had to figure out on your own, together. And one day I always knew you would."</p><p>"Did Papi know?"</p><p>"I don't think so <em>mija. </em>Call it mother's intuition. As Mila grows up, you'll learn more about that yourself. Mom's always know." Maribel smiled, her eyebrows raising slightly as she heard the sound of footsteps signalling Brittany on her way back downstairs "You can tell me everything another time, but your secret is safe with me".</p><p>"But…you're okay with it? You don't care or anything?" Santana asked, still slightly shocked that her mom had seen their relationship coming before she even had herself.</p><p>"I care that my baby's happy" Maribel told her firmly "If you had been getting involved in a marriage then I wouldn't have been so happy, but you've told me that's not the case and I trust you so yes, I am very happy for you. Brittany has always been a great person in your life, and like I said I love her as my own so, what's not to like?"</p><p>Santana let out a sigh of relief and a big smile as she wordlessly went over to embrace her mother. She knew she had a lot to fill her in on, but for now her mother knew and it had been anti-climactic. It was one less person to tell, and she couldn't wait until everybody knew so she could love Brittany openly and they could officially start their lives together.</p><hr/><p>Santana let out a content sigh when she finally got into bed, and an even bigger one when Brittany placed a trail of soft kisses on her face. There was a tinge of sadness in the air tonight since Brittany was going back to New York tomorrow, but they were trying not to think about it and just focusing on the here and now. When Brittany's hands started wandering, Santana pulled back before things could get too heated.</p><p>"Babe I have to talk to you about something"</p><p>"Can't we talk later? We kind of only have one more night together and I'm really trying to make the most of that" said Brittany in between kisses, moving her trail downwards and nipping lightly at Santana's neck.</p><p>Santana was finding it very hard to push Brittany away, but she knew she needed to get this off her chest.</p><p>"No come on Brit, I'm serious."</p><p>That was enough for Brittany to stop and look at Santana through concern filled blue eyes. Santana didn't keep her waiting, she cut right to the chase.</p><p>"My Mom knows about us…"</p><p>"What!? How!?"</p><p>Santana could sense Brittany's panic and she was quick to try and calm her.</p><p>"She guessed just from how we were at the party. She said we were subtle to everyone else but not to her, mother's intuition and all that. Don't worry though, she's not going to tell anyone. Nobody else knows, just her."</p><p>"How did she react?"</p><p>"Well at first, she thought we were screwing around behind Sam's back, but once I explained all that, she was really happy for us. She loves you Brit, and she knows how well you treat Moo and I. She said she wasn't even shocked because she could see how we had feelings for each other for years."</p><p>"Wow, we really were the last ones to know in our own relationship, about our feelings for each other" Brittany shook her head, seemingly bewildered.</p><p>"You're not mad are you, that she knows? I know it's not ideal, but when she asked me outright, I couldn't lie to her…"</p><p>"No, I'm not mad. Just…shocked a little, I guess. But definitely not mad. Your mom was always going to have to find out at point, it's just one less person to tell. This time next week, my family will know too. Hopefully they'll take it as well as yours did, I'm not sure it's going to be quite <em>as</em> smooth".</p><p>"Are you scared about it babe?"</p><p>Brittany chewed her lip for a second before nodding.</p><p>"Honestly? Yeah. I'm scared about their reaction to the annulment, scared about what they'll think about you. Scared about them finding out that I like girls as well as boys. Just scared of their reactions in general. But do you know what's even scarier?"</p><p>"Mm?"</p><p>"A future without you in it. So, whatever they throw at me, however they react, I don't care because…I know I get to come home to you at the end of it. And that makes<em> anything </em>worth<em> it."</em></p><p>Santana smiled and snuggled her head into Brittany, closing her eyes in contentment.</p><p>"Now, can I please carry on what I was doing, because like I said, I <em>really </em>want to enjoy every inch of you before I leave tomorrow".</p><p>And with that Santana raised her brow and let out a smirk, eyes alight with excitement.</p><p>"I'm all yours, Miss Pierce"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0048"><h2>48. Chapter 48</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Saturday 14th March, just five weeks since their wedding day, and Brittany and Sam were on their way back to Lima to break the news to their parents that they were no longer together, and they were having the marriage annulled. They'd decided to drive together to Ohio from New York rather than flying after Sam landed back there late last night from LA. The 9-hour drive would give them time to talk everything through about how they were going to do this, and they'd both been able to get some sleep too, switching over in Pennsylvania to share the driving. The sleep was much needed, since they had left early at 6am to make good time, now they had just over an hour to go and Brittany noticed it was nearing 2pm as she picked up her vibrating phone.</p><p>"Mind if I get this? It's Santana" Brittany smiled apologetically to Sam, who was in the drivers seat. She was desperate to speak to her girlfriend since she hadn't heard her voice since last night. They had of course been texting all day, but it wasn't the same as hearing her, and she felt she could really use the comfort right now since her nerves were bubbling away inside of her. Still, she couldn't help but feel guilty and like she was rubbing Sam's nose in things, even though he too had admitted they rushed things and they were only together for a short space of time.</p><p>"Sure, go ahead!" Sam said, turning the radio down slightly before turning his attention back to the road.</p><p>"Hey San" Brittany smiled into the receiver. She resisted the urge to call her any pet names since that may have been a little <em>too </em>uncomfortable for Sam.</p><p>"Hey babe, where about's are you? I just got back from my mom's, so I thought I'd give you a call, see if you were close".</p><p>"Yeah, we're not so far out of Mansfield, so a little over an hour to go, won't be too long now".</p><p>"How are you feeling?"</p><p>"Nervous" Brittany sighed "put it this way, I'll be glad when this day's over. I'm just so scared that they're going to take all of this the wrong way. Telling them about me and you is especially going to knock them sideways, I know for sure".</p><p>"You might be surprised Brit, parents know more about their kids than we realise, I mean look at my mom. She barely even flinched when she found about us. But babe, you know you don't need to rush to tell them today if you don't want, don't you? Just focus on telling them about Sam first, we can deal with all the stuff with us later".</p><p>Brittany shook her head gently even though Santana couldn't see her.</p><p>"No, I want to tell them, get it all over with. There's no point holding off, may as well just do it all at once. At least they'll be able to understand it all better. If I tell them half a story, they're just going to be even more confused." She glanced at Sam tentatively before lowering her voice slightly "Besides, I want you and I to have the best start to our relationship. No more secrets".</p><p>"No more secrets." Santana agreed, and Brittany could hear the smile in her voice, before she turned more serious "are you sure you don't want me to be there with you, when you tell them?"</p><p>"No, I think it's best I do this on my own. But thank you, you know I appreciate it. I promise I'll call you as soon as I'm done and then I can come around and we can just enjoy the rest of the weekend together".</p><p>"Okay, well I just want you to know that I'm really proud of you. I know your parents, and I know that nothing you tell them today is going to change their love for you. They might be a little shocked, but that's all. Come on Brit, if my strict parents can get over me getting knocked up at 18 and then coming out as a lesbian years later, your parents will be absolutely fine. They've always been super laid back and supportive. It's going to be okay, I promise".</p><p>"Thanks San, I really hope you're right" Brittany sighed again, before glancing at Sam who was still focused on the road and clearly trying not to pay attention "Look I better go, okay? I'll text you".</p><p>"Okay, don't forget to call me as soon as you're done".</p><p>"I won't, promise".</p><p>"And Brit?"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"I love you"</p><p>Brittany couldn't help but smile at that, and she swallowed the emotions forming in her throat to prevent her voice from cracking. She didn't care if Sam could hear this time, nothing could stop her saying those three little words back after a lifetime of holding it in.</p><p>"I love you too".</p><p>After hanging up the phone, her heart still beating the way it always did just from hearing Santana telling her she loved her because it still felt so new to her, she turned her attention back to Sam.</p><p>"Sorry about that" she said sheepishly, although she didn't know why she felt so guilty. It wasn't like Sam didn't know everything.</p><p>"No don't apologise, it's fine" Sam smiled "actually…I meant to say to you as well, I actually met someone myself out in LA. I knew her before, we very briefly dated a few years ago in my early 20s, but we were always really good friends first. She lives out in LA and we reconnected and yeah…I guess we'll see where it goes"</p><p>"Oh Sam, that's amazing!" Brittany clapped her hands together; she felt a lot less guilty about being so happy with Santana knowing there was a chance Sam was finding his own happiness too.</p><p>"Yeah, well I mean it's early days" Sam laughed nervously "I'm not going to rush things this time like I did with you. I didn't go to LA with any intentions other than just being by myself and doing some soul searching, but I guess they always say love comes when you least expect it".</p><p>"It does" Brittany shrugged "It's the same with Santana and I. I truly gave up all hope of her ever returning the feelings I had for her, then she goes and drops a bomb on the day I'm marrying you. It's like something out of a soap opera".</p><p>"Yep" Sam laughed, as a thick awkwardness began to fill the air, before Brittany broke the silence.</p><p>"But Sam, I know I've said it a dozen times already, but I really am sorry about how things worked out with us. I really shouldn't have said yes to you in the first place and…"</p><p>"Hey Brit look come on; we've talked about this" Sam cut in "Don't worry. We <em>both </em>rushed in on this. I really cared about you, and I still do, but was I ready to make that commitment to you? Absolutely not. We panicked, and we made a mistake, but the important thing is that we both owned up to it before anybody could get hurt. And neither of us are looking forward to these conversations with our parents today but…they'll get over it. People have done far worse things in life, than getting carried away in a moment and making spontaneous choices, so surely, they have to forgive us for it. If I had a kid, I know I'd just want them to be happy".</p><p>Brittany paused for a moment as she considered Sam's point. Obviously, she didn't have children, but she knew she loved Mila as if she was her own, and she knew that nothing Mila ever said or did could make her love her any less.</p><p>"You know what, you're right" Brittany nodded "It'll be a tough conversation and no doubt a shock to both our parents but…in the end it's going to be okay".</p><p>Less than an hour later, they were parked outside Brittany's house where Sam was dropping her off, before heading to his own parents. They exchanged goodbyes and agreed to check in with each other later to talk about how it went, before Brittany stood outside her house for a second and collected herself. She took a deep breath and checked her phone once more to see a text from Santana.</p><p>From: Santana</p><p>
  <strong>Be brave sweetheart, you've got this! I can't wait to see you later. This past week has been torture without you. I got too used to falling asleep in your arms and waking up next to you on a morning, but at least we get to do that tonight. Moo is staying at my mom's for the night, I figured we could use the alone time, then we can spend time with her tomorrow before you head back! (but for now I don't even want to talk about you heading back) xxx</strong>
</p><p>She smiled and sent a quick text back, before heading inside.</p><p>From: Brittany</p><p>
  <strong>Thanks honey. I'm feeling a bit better about it all now. They're going to be shocked but other than that, what more can they possibly say? I'm almost 30, I make my own choices in life, and I know they'll love me no matter what. Really, really can't wait to see you later! Going inside now, I'll call you as soon as I'm out Xx</strong>
</p><hr/><p>No sooner had Brittany closed the door behind her was her mother in front of her, as enthusiastic as ever.</p><p>"Brittany, honey! You're home! You made good time. I thought you'd be another half hour or so, but your dad guessed you might be here around 3. Come in, come in. Where is that lovely husband of yours?"</p><p>Brittany swallowed and closed her eyes. She knew as soon as she turned up here without Sam, that the questions would be asked, and she'd have to bite the bullet and tell them. There was no easing her way into this.</p><p>"Mom can we sit down and talk for a second? I'll explain everything".</p><p>"Explain? What? Honey are you okay? Is Sam okay? Brittany what is it?" said Whitney, growing more frantic and confused with each question she asked.</p><p>"Just…just calm down it's okay. Is dad through here? We can sit here and talk" said Brittany as she walked off towards the living room, Whitney hot on her trail as she followed behind her.</p><p>"There's my little girl" Pierce said, getting up to hug Brittany "How was the drive over? Is Sam in the other room?"</p><p>Brittany could no longer take all the questions, she just needed to get this off her chest, so she pulled back from her dad's embrace and gestured towards the couch.</p><p>"Please can you both just sit down, there's something I really, really need to tell you".</p><p>Whitney and Pierce looked at each other, before sitting down, and just as Brittany was about to speak her mother broke into a grin.</p><p>"Oh my God wait! Brittany are you…you're pregnant aren't you!?"</p><p>Brittany's heart stopped, and she felt the blood drain from her face.</p><p>"Pregnant!? I'm about to be a Grandpops?" Pierce exclaimed, looking between his wife and his daughter.</p><p>"No, no, no, no. I'm NOT pregnant. Please can you just…hear me out for a minute?"</p><p>She waited for them to be completely silent before taking another deep breath in.</p><p>"Look, there's no easy way to say this but…"</p><p>"Oh my God you're sick, aren't you?"</p><p>"Mom! Please!" Brittany yelled, her raised voice causing the room to plummet into silence once again.</p><p>When she was sure she had their attention again, she continued.</p><p>"I'm not…I'm not sick okay. I'm not sick, or pregnant, or any of those things".</p><p>"Then sweetie, what is it?" asked Whitney, blue eyes wide and filled with concern.</p><p>And Brittany decided it was just time to rip the band-aid right off.</p><p>"Sam and I…Sam and I are getting the marriage annulled. We're no longer together".</p><p>There was silence for a minute, as she glanced between her parents, desperate to read their expressions to know what they were thinking. The silence didn't last long though, and soon both parents were talking a mile a minute.</p><p>"Has he hurt you? What has he done? Has he cheated on you?" Pierce was asking, while Whitney took a different approach.</p><p>"Honey no, you can't do that. The whole point of marriage is working through your issues. Have you tried couples counselling?"</p><p>Brittany raised her hand to stop them again as she squeezed her eyes shut to block out the noise, only opening them once their rambling and quick-fire questions had stopped.</p><p>"If you would just let me finish, I'll explain everything to you" she began, before taking a seat opposite them "Sam hasn't done anything wrong. He hasn't cheated on me or hurt me or anything like that. We both made this decision together. We both just knew it wasn't right".</p><p>"Then that's where you can try the couples counselling…" Whitney began, but Brittany cut her off before she could go off on another tangent.</p><p>"Couples counselling is for people who have been together a long time, who still love each other but they've just lost their way. People who want to genuinely sort it out".</p><p>"So, you're saying you don't love Sam anymore?" Whitney frowned.</p><p>"No…" Brittany sighed "I'm saying that I never loved him in the first place".</p><p>Again, she watched her parents carefully. Her dad was silent, gazing absent-mindedly in thought as he rubbed his chin, while her mom shook her head in confusion as she tried to process everything before she spoke again.</p><p>"Brittany you don't mean that. Why would you marry somebody you don't love?"</p><p>"Because I was in love with somebody else mom. I do mean it. I know it's probably hard for you to take in, but I never loved Sam, and he never loved me. We got scared, and we panicked, and we rushed into marrying each other because we were worried about our future. We both realised pretty soon after that we'd made the wrong decision. We want to put a stop to it before we cause any hurt, so I know this might seem crazy to you right now, but we're doing the right thing".</p><p>"In love with somebody else!?" Whitney furrowed her brow, before turning to her still silent husband "Did you hear that Pierce? I told you it wasn't good for her to have Denver back in her life again".</p><p>"Denver?" Brittany frowned "What? No…"</p><p>"Listen to me sweetie. I know you and Denver have a long history together, but you have to understand that he's no good for you. Sam is a much nicer guy, and together you'll have a more solid future. You don't want to throw all that away for Denver".</p><p>"Mom I'm not in love with Denver!" Brittany yelled again, trying to match the volume of her overly enthusiastic mother, and when once again Whitney was silenced, she lowered her voice and softly spoke out. "I'm in love with Santana".</p><p>This time, Whitney said nothing, she simply opened and closed her mouth, but no sound came out. As he had been the whole conversation, Pierce was still silent.</p><p>"I'm in love with Santana, and I have been for as long as I can remember. But do you know what the crazy thing is? She loves me back" Brittany couldn't help her lips curl into a smile as she said that last part, eyes glistening with unshed tears "She loves me back and we're together, and it's amazing, and its early days. But it just feels <em>so</em> right. She's the love of my life. My first love, my soul mate, and I'm just…<em>so</em>, so happy. So, I know all this is a lot for you to take in, but I'm really, <em>really</em> happy, so…I just hope you can be happy for me and that I can have your blessing in all of this".</p><p>"But…but Sam is your first love" Whitney shook her head in confusion, as she finally broke her silent.</p><p>"No mom, he isn't. He never was. Santana was."</p><p>"But you went to prom together…"</p><p>"We did. But only because I couldn't go with Santana. If I could turn back time…I would. Well, I wouldn't actually because without that night being the way it was, there'd be no Mila. But the point being that I can't change the past, but I know how I felt back then, and it's the same as I do now and we're finally getting to be together in the way I've always wanted us to be. The way we <em>both</em> want us to be."</p><p>"But you married Sam…"</p><p>Brittany swallowed, she could see her mom was having a hard time processing this, and she still had no idea what her dad was feeling.</p><p>"I did. But only because, like I said, I was scared. I used him as a placeholder because I didn't think I had any chance of a real future with Santana. That was wrong, I know that, but Sam and I have talked about it and he was effectively doing the same with me. I think both of us were just worried about turning 30 and not settling down, and we fooled ourselves into thinking if we tried hard enough, we <em>might</em> be happy together. But you shouldn't have to try at love, you know that momma".</p><p>"So, you're…you're g…gay?"</p><p>Brittany couldn't help but notice her mom struggled to say the words, and it shocked her because, she'd never had any inclination to think her mom had a problem with gay people. Santana was a lesbian, and Whitney was nothing but supportive over that. Surely that attitude wouldn't change on her own daughter's sexuality.</p><p>"I'm not" Brittany shook her head "But I am bisexual"</p><p>And again, the sigh of relief that Whitney let out when Brittany said she wasn't gay didn't go unnoticed by Brittany.</p><p>"Oh, thank God. Okay. That's okay then, because now you have a choice. You can still get married to a man, whether that be Sam or if you're saying that isn't right then maybe another man that you fall in love with…"</p><p>Brittany shook her head confused; her thoughts were spinning as she interjected another of Whitney's rambles.</p><p>"Did you not hear what I just said?" she narrowed her eyes in disbelief, her stomach churning uncomfortably at the direction this conversation was heading "I said that I'm in love with Santana. I'm with Santana. If I'm going to marry anyone in future…it's going to be Santana".</p><p>"Brittany, I know that Santana is an important person in your life, and she's a great girl, you know that I love her. But you're not like her. You have a choice here".</p><p>"A choice?" Brittany frowned.</p><p>"Yes, a choice, you know what I mean. Santana is a lesbian, so she'll only ever marry a woman, but you? You still have the ability to find and fall in love with a man. Oh honey, just because Sam isn't the right man for you, doesn't mean you have to settle for a girl instead".</p><p>Brittany felt the bile rising in her throat. Of all the reactions she was expecting, it wasn't this one.</p><p>"You think that being bisexual is a choice? I don't <em>choose </em>to be bisexual mom, the same way as you don't choose to be straight and Santana doesn't choose to be gay".</p><p>"That's not what I meant; I know you can't choose your sexuality. But if you like both, you can choose to be with a man over a woman. You can choose the easier life".</p><p>Brittany scoffed at that, and through her anger and her hurt, she began to clap her hands sarcastically.</p><p>"Wow" she laughed "Wow. Do you know what? I think that might be one of <em>the</em> most ignorant things I have ever heard. I can't believe that even just came out of your mouth. Oh, and news flash mom, you don't <em>choose </em>who you fall in love with, it doesn't work like that regardless of sexuality. And I certainly aren't settling with her either. She's the only person I've ever truly and whole-heartedly loved, so if you can't accept that, then I guess this conversation is done".</p><p>She was just about to stand up and leave, when Whitney opened her mouth once more. Clearly the shocks for Brittany were going to keep coming.</p><p>"I just don't understand why you'd choose a life that's more difficult. One where you can't have children. After everything you went through with the miscarriage Brittany, I <em>just </em>want you to be happy, for you to be the mommy that you've always wanted to be. How can you do that with Santana?"</p><p>"Don't. Don't you dare mention my miscarriage in all of this!" Brittany warned, a charged beat between them all before she continued "I can't believe we're even having this conversation right now. We're talking way in the future here. A future that Santana and I haven't even properly discussed yet but, it's 2020 mom. Of course, we can have children. There are so many options out there; IUI, IVF, adoption…"</p><p>Brittany couldn't deny that even though she and Santana hadn't properly discussed children together yet, she had already looked into the logistics. Having children was important to her and something she really wanted to experience for herself, so she wanted as much information as possible. Part of her could see her mom's concern, but for the most part she was just agitated on how truly uneducated she sounded.</p><p>"Oh, Brittany I know all that, but what about the baby's dad?"</p><p>"What about it?"</p><p>"Well, they wouldn't have one…"</p><p>"No. They would have two moms' instead…"</p><p>"And you think that's okay? To do that to a child?"</p><p>"To do what to a child!? Mom I'm really quite shocked at where you're going with all of this. You buy presents for Mila every Christmas and every birthday, a child who was raised by a lesbian mother and for years lived with two women. You've witnessed first-hand how amazing she's turned out. What's so wrong with two women raising a baby!?"</p><p>"Honey don't take my words wrong. I'm not doubting Santana's ability as a mother, not in the slightest. She's a great mom, and Mila is a great kid, but she wasn't <em>brought</em> into the world by two women. She still has a dad…"</p><p>"Yeah, a dad who wasn't even there for the first 6 years of her life, and who barely makes any effort now" Brittany scoffed.</p><p>"I just think all kids need a male role model Brittany, that's all."</p><p>"I don't agree with you at all. Kids need love and care, that's all they need".</p><p>"She does have a point Whitney, what about single mothers or single fathers even? Not all children have a mom <em>and</em> a dad. Families look different on everyone now" said Pierce.</p><p>"Oh, thanks dad, for finally speaking up. Nice of you to say something and get off the fence you're always sitting on, after I've just had to sit there and defend myself for the better part of an hour. But do you know what? I know that if Santana and I were blessed with a child, that we'd be <em>great </em>parents. But thank you so much for making me discuss something with you that I haven't even properly had the chance to discuss with my girlfriend yet".</p><p>"Brittany your mom and I just want you to be happy".</p><p>"Oh really?" Brittany laughed sarcastically "Because it doesn't really seem that way. I've just told you I'm in love and that actually, I <em>am</em> happy, but all you've done is told me to "choose" somebody else so that I can have an easier life."</p><p>She paused for a moment to try and quell the emotions building inside of her, but it was no good, the tears began to pour.</p><p>"Well, it's not an <em>easier </em>life. I spent years trying to find happiness elsewhere, watching Santana fall for all the wrong people. Both of us making all the wrong choices. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, watching her slip further and further away from me as each year went by. But now, we finally have it together and it's…it's beautiful. So, if we have to try a little harder to have a baby, or even if we don't end up having any more kids at all, then that's a risk I'm willing to take. Because <em>nothing </em>can be harder than not being with her. And you know something? If and when Santana and I do get lucky enough to have a baby, I will make sure that I never, <em>ever </em>make them question their own happiness like this".</p><p>"Look Brittany I'm sorry, but I'm just struggling to get my head around all of this. 5 weeks ago we watched you marry Sam, and it was all very quick, but we accepted that. Now you're back here telling us that's over, and you're rushing into a relationship with Santana instead" said Whitney.</p><p>"Just what are you not understanding here?" Brittany flung her arms out exasperated. She never usually lost it like this with anyone, let alone her parents, but her patience was well and truly gone by this point. "Nothing about my relationship with Santana is rushed. I've literally waited forever for her. I understand that this is a lot to take in and that it might be confusing to you, but it's not confusing to me. I'm really sorry if this is not the picture-perfect image you had in your head for me, but this is <em>my</em> life, and <em>my </em>happiness, and I'm not going to let anyone take that away from me when I've waited so long to find it".</p><p>And with that Brittany wiped her tears and ran for the door before her parents could say anymore, a million doubts circling around her head that had never been there before.</p>
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<a name="section0049"><h2>49. Chapter 49</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rain was beating down in Lima as Brittany ran through the streets, her hysterical sobs matching the weather. She couldn't believe the conversation she'd just had with her parents; of all the reactions she'd expected; that wasn't it. She stopped to breathe against a wall once she was satisfied that she was far away enough from home, she didn't care that she was getting drenched. She pulled out her phone to frantically dial Santana's number. Luckily, Santana picked up after just three rings.</p><p>"Babe! How did it go?"</p><p>"Santana, where are you?"</p><p>Santana's heart skipped a beat, she could tell by the sound of Brittany's voice that she wasn't okay, she either was crying or had been crying.</p><p>"Brit, what's wrong? Are you okay? Did your parents react badly?"</p><p>"I just I…I need to see you. I'll explain everything when I see you"</p><p>It was the former. Brittany was crying, and Santana felt helpless, as she chewed her lip to stop her own tears.</p><p>"It's okay. It's okay babe, it's okay. I'm going to drop Mila at my mom's house now, then I'm driving straight to get you. Where are you?"</p><p>"I'm round the corner from my parent's house, by the Starbucks"</p><p>"Okay" Santana nodded, making sure her own mind was clear so she could do what she needed to do and get to Brittany "Okay, I'm going to be with you in 15 minutes, I promise. Wait inside the Starbucks so you don't get cold".</p><p>"No, I'll be fine here. I don't want to risk seeing anyone"</p><p>The crack in Brittany's voice just about broke Santana, but she had to stay strong. She could only wonder what Whitney and Pierce had said to upset her like this.</p><p>"But Brit it's pouring with rain out there"</p><p>"I <em>said</em> I'm fine Santana" Brittany answered, instantly feeling bad for snapping at her girlfriend when she was just trying to help, but at the same time not being able to combat her emotions.</p><p>Santana swallowed and tried not to feel hurt. She knew Brittany was just upset.</p><p>"Okay, okay, just wait outside for me. I'll be 15 minutes, I'm getting Mila's stuff together now and I'm getting in the car, and I'll be right with you. Everything's going to be alright Brit, whatever it is, we're going to talk and we're going to get through it together".</p><p>Brittany didn't answer that, because this time she wasn't sure talking was going to solve anything. She chewed her lip as she listened to the muffling on the end of the phone as she heard Santana beckoning Mila to come and get in the car.</p><p>"Babe? Are you still there?"</p><p>"Mm-hm" Brittany nodded, voice small and vulnerable like that of a child.</p><p>"I'm getting in the car so I'm going to hang up now, okay? Just hang tight, and I'll be there before you know it, yeah?"</p><p>"Yeah" Brittany swallowed.</p><p>"I love you Brit; I'll be with you as quick as I can"</p><p>Brittany closed her eyes at the words and held the phone to her chest. She just hoped her girlfriend's love could heal the ache she felt gnawing at the pit of her stomach right now.</p><hr/><p>It felt like hours that she stood in the rain in her tears, waiting for Santana to arrive, but really it was just 15 minutes as promised. She didn't even notice her car pulling up until Santana was standing right in front of her with her arms outstretched, face etched with concern.</p><p>"Brit look at you, you're soaked. Come here"</p><p>Brittany shook her head and stepped back slightly as she glanced around.</p><p>"Not now. Let's just go home. I can't do this here".</p><p>Santana nodded her understanding and quickly ran over to the passenger side, opening the door for Brittany, desperate to get her into the warmth even though the damage had already been done.</p><p>It was a silent car ride home, with Santana knowing she wasn't going to get anything out of Brittany until they were safely back between the four walls of her home, but she couldn't stop glancing at Brittany in concern. It was an action that didn't go unnoticed by the blonde, but she didn't meet Santana's gaze, leaving Santana wondering what the hell had been said to send her girlfriend into such a state.</p><p>As soon as they were inside, Brittany ran up to Santana's bedroom, Santana following close behind her. She was happy to see that Brittany had at least stopped crying, but she knew that was only half the problem. Brittany was inside her own head, and she could see that clearly, as she watched her sitting on the edge of the bed. She sat down next to her and turned her body towards her.</p><p>"Is it about Sam? Did they not take the news well?" she asked softly, reaching out to cup Brittany's face. As Brittany flinched and pulled away from her, she couldn't mask the feeling of hurt this time. She knew exactly what Brittany was doing, she'd seen her do it once and only once before, when she was hurting after losing the baby. She was pushing her away.</p><p>"No, it's not about Sam. They weren't so bothered about Sam. They <em>were </em>bothered about us though".</p><p>Santana swallowed harshly. She never expected Brittany's parents to not be okay about them being together, they were always so accepting and open, and they always loved her and treated her like a second daughter. She was worried about what this out of the blue reaction would mean for their relationship from Brittany's perspective, but she tried to push all her anxieties down. This wasn't about her; it was about Brittany. She couldn't face trying to tap down Brittany's defensive shell right now, she knew it wasn't going to work and that it would only hurt her when she needed to be strong. She needed to let Brittany process things and calm down a bit, so instead she switched herself onto auto pilot.</p><p>"Brit, we need to get you out of those wet clothes. How about I run you a bath?"</p><p>"I'm fine like this."</p><p>"How about a nice hot shower then?"</p><p>"I said I'm okay!" Brittany snapped.</p><p>"Brittany, I'm just trying to help you" Santana said, emotions rising and the crack in her voice giving her away slightly. It was enough for Brittany to feel bad, but not enough for her to fully break her shell.</p><p>"Fine, I'll have a shower then" she sighed, walking off towards the en-suite bathroom and leaving Santana wringing her hands nervously as she tried to figure out what to do.</p><p>She hoped some time alone and space in the shower would do Brittany some good and soften her demeanour, but the minute she heard Brittany's loud sobs from the bathroom, she rushed in there with no intentions of leaving her alone. It was a walk-in shower, so she saw Brittany immediately, eyes scrunched shut as her back pressed against the cold tiles as the streams of hot water hit against her. The sight just about broke Santana's heart, and she rushed over fully clothed, her shirt instantly wet as she reached through the water to firmly grab Brittany by the shoulders.</p><p>"Babe please. Please talk to me. I understand. I get it. I know what it's like to be rejected over your sexuality. Don't push me away like this again Brit please because, it's killing me".</p><p>"How can you possibly understand Santana? Your parents welcomed you with open arms, they understood your sexuality and your desire to love who you wanted to love, no questions asked".</p><p>Santana felt her own self getting teary now, she couldn't stand to see Brittany being so short with her like this. The panic was steadily rising inside her.</p><p>"They did, but what about my Abuela? She didn't. It took her years to come around to the idea, and even now, I'm not so sure she's fully on board with it. But Brit this isn't a competition, I just want to help you".</p><p>Suddenly Brittany's defensiveness started to wilt into a frantic frenzy, and she began shaking her head.</p><p>"I don't know if I can do this Santana. How can I be happy with who I am when my own parents can't be? How can they say they love me but then question me like this? How are we on such different pages? They don't understand me at all. I can't…I didn't expect this. I knew they'd be upset about Sam, and I knew they'd be shocked about you, but I never thought I'd hear the words that came out of my mom's mouth today. I never knew I'd have to go in there defending myself, defending us. Having conversations with them that you and I haven't even had yet. I can't do it San. I just <em>can't</em> do it".</p><p>And by now Santana was fully panicking, she shook Brittany by the shoulders who was still crying hysterically, the warm jets of the shower covering them both, but they were so in the moment they barely noticed.</p><p>"Brit look at me. Look at me please" she pleaded, only continuing when aqua eyes met with her own "Whatever they said, whatever they think, I'm going to help you through this. But I can't do that if you don't open up to me. When you get inside your own head like this and push me away, it really, <em>really</em> scares me Brit and it makes me feel so helpless. And I know it's easier said than done to just snap out of it, because I've done the same to you, because for whatever reason we both struggle talking when it gets to the important stuff. But remember in Hawaii? We made a solution to fix that. We promised we'd start communicating better, and we even invented pillow talk sessions. But right now, you're not sticking to that promise."</p><p>She paused for a moment, letting her words sink into Brittany, keeping her hands on her shoulders to steady her.</p><p>"And do you remember what you said to me last week?" Santana asked, the tears ran down her face as she looked at Brittany, who was still whimpering as she listened to her girlfriend's words.</p><p>She continued, desperate to get through to her, desperate to push her own doubts far, <em>far</em> away, as well as Brittany's.</p><p>"You said that you were scared about telling your parents, but not as scared as you were of a future without me in it. And that whatever they threw at you, you didn't care, because you'd have me at the end of it. And you do have me Brit. You have me forever but…now I'm wondering if you even want me forever. I'm wondering if you even want me at all."</p><p>By now, Santana's own sobs mirrored Brittany's, as all her own insecurities rose to the surface. Two girls hysterically crying under the shower, one fully clothed and one naked, it was like something out of a film and it was nothing short of dramatic.</p><p>"Do you want me forever? Do you want this still? Because I'm just as scared as you are about a future without you in it. I can't lose you Brit, I just can't. Not now. Not ever."</p><p>And that was all it took for Brittany to relent and finally let Santana in as she crashed towards her, together they sank down against the wall as Santana held Brittany close. They both sat under the water and just cried until eventually the sobs began to subside into soft whimpers. Santana soothingly stroked Brittany's wet hair as she shushed her and whispered soothing words into her, before eventually turning off the water. She reached out for a towel, squeezing Brittany's hand when she felt Brittany grab onto her as she got up to move, letting her know that she wasn't going anywhere. She managed to stretch to reach the towel and keep one hand on Brittany, sticking out her tongue in concentration, and when she got it, she quickly bundled it around her girlfriend to keep her warm. Feeling braver now that Brittany was no longer going to push her away, she placed a soft kiss on top of her head, and they sat for a while longer on the floor of the shower until Santana felt Brittany was ready to move.</p><p>"Come on" Santana whispered softly against her "Let's go have that pillow talk".</p><p>In one swift movement, she pulled Brittany up and steered her into the bedroom, pulling out two sleep shirts for them to change into. They collapsed back on the bed and Brittany shuffled into Santana, tugging at her shirt and holding her impossibly close, bunching the material in her hands. She may have tried to push Santana away earlier, but now she wanted her as close as possible. Santana just continued to soothingly stroke down her arms, waiting for her to be ready to talk.</p><hr/><p>Eventually Brittany did speak, voice croaky, but it wasn't the words Santana was expecting.</p><p>"When I said that I didn't know if I could do this. I didn't mean you. I meant the situation in general, but never you. Never us. I get silly sometimes and I push you away, but I'll never push you away for long. And I really am going to try hard to work on that whole being defensive thing. Sometimes things just hurt too much to verbalise and all I want to do is run and not face things".</p><p>"I understand that sweetheart, I do the same things too."</p><p>"But I'm so sorry San. I'm sorry for doing that, and I'm even more sorry for filling your head with doubts again. It was the wrong choice of wording to use, but you have to believe me that no matter what I say or do in moments of panic, wanting you is always a constant. I love you so much, and it's true that a future without you scares me, maybe that's why today affected me the way that it did".</p><p>"It's okay" Santana breathed softly "You scared me for a minute, but I get it, and I know now. I do think we're doing a great job of working on things, and that we will get better at communicating if we keep at it, keep doing things like this and being there for each other. I know how scary it can be to put your thoughts out there, but I do think that talking really helps. Holding things inside is just never, ever good for you and we've both learned that the hard way".</p><p>"I agree" Brittany nodded, tracing the contour of Santana's face with her finger.</p><p>"Are you ready to talk about it now?"</p><p>Brittany swallowed nervously and nodded once more, as she began to recount everything that had happened with her parents.</p><p>"I don't really know where to begin" she shrugged.</p><p>"Just…start at the beginning." Santana said softly, giving Brittany's hand a gentle squeeze "You said they weren't okay about us. What did they say exactly? Are they concerned about you being with a girl? About being with me? Or is it just that they're a bit confused about everything. I guess it is a lot for them to take in Brit, <em>we</em> know what we're doing here and that this is right for us, but maybe it's going to take them longer to get their heads around everything".</p><p>"I understand that, I do. I fully expected them to be confused and have a lot of questions. I knew they'd need time to process it. The wedding was so quick in itself, and now I'm telling them that actually Sam and I aren't together anymore, and that I'm with you instead. It's not like they even knew I liked women either, so I would have understood if they just needed time to make sense of it all. But it's not just that. It's what my mom said about my sexuality and about our relationship that's bothering me".</p><p>"What did she say?" Santana asked, tenderly reaching out to tuck a stray piece of hair off Brittany's face.</p><p>"She said that my bisexuality is a choice" Brittany answered, and as she said the words out loud her voice began to crack again "She said that loving you is a choice and that unlike you, I actually have the liberty of picking an easier life and being with a man over a woman. I don't think she understands that the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, apart from losing my baby, is watching you from afar for years and not being able to have you. And loving you…San, loving you isn't even a choice, but it <em>is</em> the easiest thing I've ever done. But no, she has to just step all over that with her views. If I'd said I was gay, who knows maybe she would have reacted differently, but I'm not so this is what we've got. I've never had my sexuality questioned like that before. I've never felt so…so invalid Santana".</p><p>"Baby, you're not invalid. Nothing about you or your feelings or your sexuality is invalid, okay? I'm really sorry that your mom reacted like that, and that you've had to hear it, but you have to know that it isn't true. We don't choose who we fall in love with Brit, you know that. And just because you have the capacity to fall in love with both genders, doesn't make your feelings for me any less real. You know, I've been a part of this community for years now, and I see it all the time with bisexuals being shoved out and made to feel like they don't fit in because they're "not fully gay", but they're not straight either, so where do they fit? And it makes me so angry Brit, because your bisexuality is just as valid as me being a lesbian, and Kurt being gay, and Quinn being straight. Nobody has the right to tell you who you should and shouldn't love. It's not a choice. You are who you are, and who you are is beautiful, and I love you for it".</p><p>Brittany's face crumpled at Santana's touching words, and she allowed Santana to pull her in closer and hold her as she cried.</p><p>"Did your mom give you a reason why she thinks that being with a man is easier?"</p><p>Brittany sighed.</p><p>"Well, the main thing she mentioned is about me having children. And I think that's why it's hit such a raw nerve because, she mentioned the miscarriage and how she knew how important it was to me to carry a child of my own, and I just think how dare she? How dare she bring up such a sensitive topic to me and use that in a way to convince me that it's easier to be with a man."</p><p>"Sweetheart, you don't need to be with a man for that. If having children is something you wanted us to do together in the future, then we can totally do that. People always talk about adoption when it comes to same-sex couples, but if you really wanted to carry a child, there's options Brit. There's IUI, IVF, and sure we'd need a sperm donor, but we wouldn't need a man actively involved. Two women in love are just as capable as raising a baby, as a man and woman are".</p><p>"I know that honey" said Brittany, cupping Santana's face appreciatively "That's exactly what I told my mom. It's just complete ignorance on her part to think that I couldn't have a baby in the same way I could with a man, and I'm shocked she's even got that view. I didn't expect that from her. And San, ever since the miscarriage I'd <em>love </em>to carry my own child and have a second chance at that, but I've also realised that in the grand scheme of things it's not that important. I'd like to experience a successful pregnancy, but that's all it is. The dynamics of biology don't matter to me. It doesn't matter if I carried the child, you carried the child or if we adopted, I would love them all the same. Mila is already testimony to that, because if we <em>did</em> have a baby one day, I wouldn't love them anymore or any less than I love her, because even though she's not mine; I love her like she is. And we don't even know what the future holds for us, maybe it won't even happen, but if it didn't it would be okay because I would be with you. <em>You</em> are my biggest source of happiness Santana, you and Moo, and I just can't for the life of me think how my mom would want me to throw all that away just so I could potentially have an easier fertility journey. And that's just potential. There are no guarantees in a successful pregnancy just because the child's been conceived naturally. I know that better than anyone".</p><p>Santana's heart hurt at that, as she saw the pain mirrored in Brittany's eyes. She had always loved and respected Whitney, but she couldn't help but think about how reckless and thoughtless her words were today given Brittany's past in losing a child. As well as extremely ignorant. She pressed a string of soft kisses against Brittany's forehead, before Brittany continued.</p><p>"On top of all that, she had to then go on to say that all children need a male role model. I mean, what kind of 1950s bullshit is that? I was so done with her at that point. I barely had words because I was so shocked".</p><p>"How about your dad? Did he say anything?"</p><p>"Actually, he did stick up for me at that point. He said that kids don't necessarily need a male role model and mentioned single parents and how not all kids have a mom and a dad and a role model of each gender. But for the most part, he was silent. You know what my dad's like, he sits on the fence, and I love him but…I wish he'd stick up for me more because when my mom gets on one like that. It just gets loud. It was hard to take. I wish you had been there after all".</p><p>"Oh babe, I wish I had been there too. But in reality, it wouldn't have made things any better or changed their opinion, it might have even made things worse. But I'm here now, and you know I'm here to support you and to prop you up, and I'm really proud of your strength today. It can only get better from here. Deep down, your parents love you, they might just need a little time to process everything. And your mom might not understand your sexuality and all that comes with that, but the good thing is that we can educate her. People are always capable of learning and changing and becoming better people. Maybe when she sees us together, and sees how happy we make each other, she'll realise that we're just like everybody else".</p><p>"I hope so San" Brittany sighed "I really do."</p><p>"Can I share something with you? Something that I think all parents feel when they give birth to their child" Santana asked tentatively, she didn't want to be condescending or to make Brittany feel even more aware of the fact she hadn't got to that stage with her own baby, but she felt what she had to say might help somewhat.</p><p>"Sure" Brittany smiled.</p><p>"When you have a child, whether you plan it or not, as soon as that child is placed in your arms you have a whole load of expectations for them. You think about their future. How they're going to turn out, what they're going to be when they grow up and all that stuff. Because we're programmed to believe that certain things are the norm, sometimes those visions manifest in that way. So like, when Mila was going through the terrible two's I remember every time I whined my Mom was like 'You just wait until she gets to 16! That's when the real trouble starts' and when she said that I'd have all these visions in my head of her being like me at that age, and how crazy I was going to be when she got her first boyfriend, but in reality, I know first-hand that maybe she won't even have a boyfriend. I don't know who she's going to fall in love with when she's older, and I don't know her future, but those norms that we're socialised into give us those visions subconsciously. I think a lot of that changed when I discovered my own sexuality, and you know I bring Mila up to be open, there really is no 'norm' for her and that's great, but she's a whole new generation. Your mom is obviously a different generation to us, so she's even more likely to have had visions for you when you were a kid that adhered to those societal norms. I think what I'm trying to say is that it doesn't mean she or your dad love you any less, just maybe that they need some time to rehash that picture they had in their head, the one where you probably married a man and had 2.4 children, and come to terms with the new one. Does that make sense?"</p><p>"It makes a lot of sense" Brittany nodded "I guess you can have those visions for your kids as soon as you get pregnant, because I definitely thought about the future with my baby when I was, and obviously I didn't get to the point of giving birth and extending those visions. But can I share something with you that I felt when Mila was born?"</p><p>"Always" Santana smiled, she never tired of hearing Brittany's perspective on Mila being born.</p><p>"When you placed her down on the bed and I looked at her for the first time, and all I could see was this mini version of you, I just felt <em>so</em> much love. I got there that day feeling a mixture of emotions, and I was just so…so angry with you for keeping this huge secret from me. But when I looked down at Mila's little face, <em>all</em> of that melted away. I've never felt such an instant love before, and I knew right then and there that I'd be in her life forever, and that I'd do anything to protect her from pain. I'd do anything to protect <em>both </em>of you from pain. It was unconditional, and like nothing she could ever tell me in future would ever take that love away, as long as she was always happy. I just don't understand how my parents, and my mom in particular, don't have that same level of love and respect for me".</p><p>Santana swallowed, because what Brittany had said hit home. She of course felt that sudden bout of unconditional love for Mila as soon as she was placed in her arms. It was a feeling that stopped her making what would have been the biggest mistake of her life, giving Mila up for adoption. She couldn't understand how the Pierce's didn't have the ability to accept Brittany's happiness either, but she could only hope in time that the shock would lessen, and their views would change.</p><p>For now, all she could do was take her girlfriend into her arms and whisper soothing words to calm her, letting her know she was loved and that she was valid.</p><hr/><p>As Brittany began to calm under her girlfriend's touch, the two of them lay there for what felt like hours, just staring at each other with tender and loving caresses.</p><p>Suddenly Brittany closed her eyes and let out a smile that sent volts straight to Santana's heart.</p><p>"What are you smiling at?" Santana chuckled.</p><p>"You called me baby for the first time earlier" Brittany noted, she had opened her eyes now, but the grin was still present on her face.</p><p>Santana let out her own shy smile.</p><p><em>"The first time out-loud"</em> she thought, thinking back to the time when she had slipped and used that pet name for Brittany many years ago as she slept beside her, before Santana even realised her feelings for her best friend.</p><p>"Well, that's because you are my baby" Santana let out bashfully, voice soft in a tone that was only reserved for her girlfriend.</p><p>The revelation only made Brittany smile harder, and she leaned forward to kiss Santana.</p><p>"And one day in future, if you want there to be, we'll have <em>our</em> baby. No matter what anybody else says" Santana continued, her hand lingering over Brittany's stomach as she swept her thumb over it.</p><p>Brittany's heart fluttered at the words, and she captured Santana in another kiss, one that Santana was only too happy to oblige.</p><p>"I really am sorry though San, that we've been forced to have a discussion like this so early on. That's another reason why it annoyed me so much. My mom was bringing up something that you and I hadn't even properly discussed for ourselves yet".</p><p>"Hey, don't worry, it was always going to be a discussion we'd have some day. And we're both on the same page aren't we? Besides, it's not like you're a Tinder hook up who just got a U-Haul after our second date. We've been in each other's lives for a long time, and we both know this is the real deal and that there's going to be a long future ahead of us".</p><p>"You always have all the right words to say" Brittany sighed contentedly "Thank you angel. You've made me feel so much better".</p><p>"Always Brit. That's what I'm here for. Anything you need."</p><p>Brittany leaned in for a third time, and before they knew it their kisses were becoming a lot more heated until Brittany pulled away breathlessly.</p><p>"You. That's what I need right now. I really, really need you".</p><p>Santana pushed her back gently and rushed to calm her.</p><p>"Shh baby, I know. You've got me. I'm here"</p><p>By now she had become accustomed to Brittany's wants and needs, and she knew she didn't have much time, so she quickly discarded Brittany's sleep shirt in favour of a slow build-up, she bit her lip in desire as she remembered Brittany was fully naked underneath, before making way for the sweet spot on her neck.</p><p>She was just about to lower her trail of kisses when she felt Brittany tug desperately at her shirt, so she hurriedly removed it, watching as her girlfriend's eyes darkened with desire. She then watched as her eyes closed and she took a sharp intake of breath, as she continued kissing down, stopping at Brittany's breasts and gently kneading with one hand whilst caressing the soft, milky skin of her hip with the other.</p><p>Santana felt her own arousal building as she took Brittany's nipple into her mouth and heard Brittany moan, she kept her eyes on her at all times, watching her pleasure building and building. Santana <em>loved </em>boobs, and her girlfriend had a great pair, so she always liked to give them a lot of attention. But in this instance, she didn't get to take her time as much as she usually wanted. Brittany was desperate.</p><p>"San please, I can't wait much longer" Brittany panted.</p><p>Santana trailed her hand down to where Brittany most needed her, releasing Brittany's nipple with a pop when she reached her destination.</p><p>She expertly located the spot she needed to take Brittany over the edge, as she began to work her thumb over Brittany's clit, watching as the blonde's breathing grew heavier and more ragged.</p><p>"Inside San. I need you inside".</p><p>Santana felt her own breath hitch, because hearing Brittany tell Santana what she needed was such a turn on for her, and she had noted that Brittany was becoming increasingly more confident in all that.</p><p>She dipped two fingers inside Brittany, letting out her own moan at the touch, and began to pump her fingers in and out while her thumb continued to circle her clit. She knew it wouldn't be long before Brittany peaked, and she felt her eyes widen as she watched her girlfriend, eyes scrunched tight and mouth curled upwards with pleasure as she allowed a moan to escape with every thrust of Santana's fingers.</p><p>"Come on, baby. Let yourself go" Santana breathed huskily, and that was all Brittany needed to climb the steps to paradise.</p><p>"Fuck, San!" she groaned, before letting out one last shriek of pleasure as her hips bucked forcefully against Santana's hand.</p><p>Watching Brittany lose all control like that was now up there with one of Santana's favourite sights, and she had to let that be known. When the time was right, she removed her hand and leaned over Brittany, who was glistening with sweat and still trying to regain composure.</p><p>"You look <em>so</em> beautiful when you come Brit" Santana admitted, leaning forward to place a firm kiss on her lips, before climbing in next to her and curling in beside her. She pulled the blankets over them both and stroked Brittany's side tenderly as she waited for her to come down from her high, occasionally pressing soft lazy kisses against her.</p><p>As Brittany returned to earth, she rolled over in Santana's arms with a sated smile, placing another kiss against Santana's plump, inviting lips.</p><p>"I love you, baby" Brittany admitted earnestly.</p><p>She smiled as she watched Santana's eyes widen, blood rising in her cheeks as she blushed, before letting out a soft smile of her own.</p><p>"What are you smiling at?" Brittany teased, knowing full well what Santana was smiling at, as she tapped her nose playfully.</p><p>"You just called me baby for the first time" Santana beamed.</p><p>"Well…" Brittany smirked, mirroring the conversation they'd had earlier "That's because you are my baby".</p><p>And Santana lunged forward to kiss Brittany again, pulling her impossibly close as she settled into the crook of her neck with a contented sigh.</p><p>They cuddled and fell into a comfortable silence until Brittany broke it a while later.</p><p>"San?"</p><p>"Hm?"</p><p>"You think maybe we can hold off telling Mila 'til next weekend and just have a nice, happy day together tomorrow, just the three of us? I don't know if I've got the energy in me for anymore big announcements or shocks right now".</p><p>"Course we can Brit. Whenever you're ready. For what it's worth though, I know that when we do tell her she's going to be the happiest little girl in the world, you don't need to worry about that".</p><p>"I know, I think that too, but I just want a day of us just being us and not having to think about everything. Today has been…heavy".</p><p>"That's completely understandable babe. Tomorrow the three of us will just have a nice, stress-free, family day out together okay?" Santana asked, and Brittany nodded gratefully "More importantly though, what do we want to do tonight? We've got the house <em>all</em> to ourselves. I could cook for you like a proper date, or we could get take-out, then cuddle on the sofa and watch a movie together?"</p><p>"All of that sounds perfect baby, but right now? Right now, I just want to make love to you and thank you for everything you've done today"</p><p>"You never need to thank me for that Brit. I'm your partner, that's what I'm here for."</p><p>"I know." Brittany smiled softly, before it slowly turned into a seductive grin "But I'm going to show you anyway".</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0050"><h2>50. Chapter 50</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They say bad news comes in three's, and on this particular Thursday, Santana had already had two bouts of that.</p><p>It had all started earlier on in the evening when she had asked Mila what she planned on taking in for show and tell tomorrow. Mila and her classmates were allowed to bring something personal into school on the second to last Friday of every month, and it was something that Mila always loved, but on this occasion, she had sheepishly admitted to Santana that she wasn't allowed to bring anything in this week because she had received two demerits in a week.</p><p>It wasn't like Mila to misbehave at school so Santana was not only angry with her daughter, but disappointed.</p><p>Now Brittany was on the phone delivering the second bout of bad news.</p><p>"I'm really sorry babe. I'm so disappointed. I've been missing you all week but knowing that I'd be seeing you tomorrow evening was getting me through. I tried everything but these reshuffles are just making it impossible to get out of. They need me there".</p><p>Santana sighed. Hearing that she wasn't going to be seeing her girlfriend this weekend as planned and now had to wait until Wednesday, almost a week away, wasn't the news she wanted to hear right now. Especially after the day she'd had. She was so proud of Brittany for the work she did and how important she was, but at times like this she resented it, for the way last minute changes could crop up that Brittany would have to adhere to.</p><p>"Fuck, this is all I wanted to hear today!" Santana groaned.</p><p>"San" Brittany hummed sympathetically "Don't get too upset. Wednesday will be here before we know it, and I promise I'll make it up to you".</p><p>"I know" Santana sighed "I know, I'm sorry Brit. I'm not trying to take it out on you. I've just had a bad day, that's all".</p><p>"You wanna talk about it?"</p><p>"Mila got two demerits at school this week. You know her Brit, and that's just not like her. What with the fight with Lily, and now this, I'm just really worried about her behaviour."</p><p>"What did she get the demerits for? Did you find out?"</p><p>"Oh, I practically had to drag it out of her. When I told her that if she didn't tell me I'd be speaking to her teacher in the morning, she finally confessed" Santana let out another sigh "Apparently she was answering back to the teacher"</p><p>Santana was alarmed when Brittany let out a slight chuckle.</p><p>"Brit, it's not funny" she groaned.</p><p>"I know, I know, I'm sorry it's just…answering back to the teacher? That reminds me of an 11-year-old girl that<em> I </em>knew very well at school".</p><p>"And who would that be?" Santana rolled her eyes, knowing exactly where Brittany was going with this.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>An 11-year-old Santana Lopez was in class, as she tried to once again explain to her best friend Brittany how to work out algebra equations, with all the patience of a saint.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"See Brit-Brit, this one here is 8B+5=29, so all you gotta do is work out what B is, okay?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Santana Lopez, stop talking to Brittany and get on with your own worksheet please!" Mr Martin warned sternly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany looked down and swallowed, and Santana noticed her uncertainty.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Did you forget how to work out B, Brit?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Brittany nodded, cheeks reddening slightly, until Santana reached out and squeezed her hand comfortingly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It's okay, I will help you. See all you gotta do is flip it around okay? See how there's a + sign? We gotta change that to work out B, so what's the opposite of adding something?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Subtract?" Brittany asked hesitantly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That's right Brit-Brit! You got it. So, 29-5 is…?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"24?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Perfect! Now we just gotta see how many times 8 fits into 3 to work out what B is, because remember when the letter is next to the number like that, it means they multiply together".</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Santana, I am not going to ask you again to stop talking. If you carry on, I'm going to be forced to move you." said Mr Martin, a firm expression covering his face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana simply glared at him, and as soon as he turned his attention from her and onto another student, she focused back on Brittany. There was no way she was going to just leave Brittany to struggle with this. Brittany needed her help.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"So, count on your fingers Brit if you need to, how many times does 8 fit into 24?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She waited patiently for Brittany to finish counting, admiring the adorable manner in which Brittany stuck out her tongue to concentrate.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"3 times?" Brittany asked, voice wavering with uncertainty again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That's it! That's your answer. So, B=3" Santana chimed enthusiastically, as she leaned over to write the answer on Brittany's worksheet "See Brit-Brit, you can do it! You can do anything you put your mind to".</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just as Brittany was about to thank her best friend who appeared to beaming with pride, they were interrupted by the bellowing voice of Mr Martin.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Right, Santana Lopez! Twice I have warned you now to stop talking to Brittany, and both times you have ignored me. Clearly you can't be trusted to sit beside each other. I'd like you to go over there and sit next to Nathaniel please".</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana suddenly felt the rage inside her at the thought of not being able to sit next to Brittany. Especially when Brittany often needed her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No chance!" she shouted back "I'm not moving next to him. No way".</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well, it's either that or the principal's office I'm afraid, you've had your chances".</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana ignored the worried look on Brittany's face and the hand that tried to calm her as she carried on shouting.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm staying right here in my seat in case I need to help Brittany. That's all I was trying to do; I was trying to help her. It's not like we were talking about fun things".</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well, if Brittany needs any help, she can put up her hand like everybody else does. Now move please Santana, or it's a demerit and a trip to Mrs Lane's office".</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Santana grabbed her things in fury.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well maybe if you weren't such a terrible teacher, Brittany wouldn't need any help in the first place!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Right, that's a demerit and up to Mrs Lane for you".</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But Santana was already on her way out the door. If she had to get a demerit and explain to Mrs Lane why she was talking, then so be it, but she wasn't going to sit next to anybody else in the class apart from Brittany.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>"I know Brit, I get it. We share the same genes, so I shouldn't be so surprised that she's got a little attitude, but you know how hard I've tried to make sure she didn't turn out like that".</p><p>"Baby come on. We've talked about this. I've told you before that it's not a bad thing if she does turn out like you, you're being way too hard on yourself" Brittany soothed "And for what it's worth, I think you're being a little too hard on her. So, she's answering back a little bit at school? But she's still a good kid San. She's in fifth grade, her last year of elementary school. She's probably just trying to push the boundaries a bit, that's all. Most kids do it".</p><p>"She really has you wrapped around her little finger, doesn't she?"</p><p>"Hey, listen, if I thought for one second that Mila was really acting out and that she was going down a path that was going to be bad for her, I'd be right there beside you lecturing her. But I really don't think it's that deep San. And I know you, and I know that you worry about her and how she's turning out far too much, so it's my job to rationalise you and balance all of that out. If you come down too heavy on her, she's only going to rebel more, and you can trust me on that because I've had first-hand experience of seeing one Lopez lady doing that already".</p><p>Santana could almost picture the way Brittany would be raising her eyebrows right now. She let out another sigh, but this time she was smiling. Brittany was right, and she always did manage to calm her down. She knew deep down that she was right.</p><p>"Besides" Brittany added "Do you remember when you brought Mila to New York for the first time? She was only a baby still, like 18 months old, and I held her to the window, and I was showing her all the sights of New York. I had thought you were sleeping, but apparently you heard every word. I told her way back then that I'd always be another person for her to turn to if she ever had an argument with you, and I promised to always try and see her side of things, while at the same time calming you down and reminding you that <em>you </em>were a teenager yourself once. And okay, she's not a teenager yet, maybe the hormones have started a little earlier than planned. But things might get a little tougher in the next couple of years because as much as we hate it and want to keep her as our tiny baby Moo forever, she's growing up San, and that's going to come with its challenges. But I'm always going to be here to support you and to support her and to calm things down because, what with two fiery Latina's, I think someone needs to".</p><p>Santana let out a slight laugh.</p><p>"You're right. I know. And I am really grateful that you can always calm me and make sense of things. I just wish you were here in person right now and you could give me a cuddle to put an end to this bad day".</p><p>"I know baby, me too. But Wednesday will be here before we know it, and I'll give you as many cuddles and kisses as you want and need".</p>
<hr/><p>The next morning, Santana who was feeling in a better mood today, went into Mila's room to wake her for school as she always did.</p><p>"Moo?" she coaxed gently "Sweetheart, it's time to get up for school".</p><p>And as she did every morning because she quite simply wasn't a morning person, Mila groaned and threw the blankets over her head.</p><p>"Come on, at least it's Friday" Santana said, peeling back the blankets to reveal Mila with her eyes squeezed tightly shut.</p><p>"I don't feel so good Mama, I don't want to go to school today".</p><p>Santana frowned and placed the back of her hand against Mila's forehead. She definitely didn't have a fever.</p><p>"What do you mean you don't feel good?"</p><p>"Just feel sick" Mila shrugged.</p><p>"Well, have you actually been sick?"</p><p>The little girl shook her head, and Santana looked at her carefully, trying to read her.</p><p>"Look Meels, I know that you're not loving the idea of going to school today since you can't bring anything in for show and tell like everybody else, but you know there are consequences when you misbehave. You disrespected your teacher, and now you have to be punished. Faking sick isn't a way to get out of that. So come on, get up please, or else I'll be late for work and you'll be late for school".</p><p>"But I'm not faking it Mama, I really do feel sick"</p><p>"Mila Grace Lopez, you are going to school today, and that's final".</p><p>So, Mila was sent off to school with a frown on her face, with Santana telling her to see how she got on. She knew her daughter, and like herself, she was stubborn. She had her heart set on not going to school today, so Santana knew Mila would probably just complain to the teachers so she could get sent home. She fully expected to receive a call from the school to say Mila wasn't feeling well, and she'd then have to call her mom and ask if she could pick her up since she was at work.</p><p>But to her surprise, the call never came, and at 3pm Santana found herself sitting outside Mila's school as normal. She hoped her daughter would be in a better mood now that school was done for the weekend, but to no avail, the same frown that she had on her face this morning was still firmly planted there. Maybe Brittany was right. Maybe the hormonal teenager stage was coming earlier.</p><p>"Hey sweetheart, how was school?" Santana tried, enthusiastically, as she started the car engine back up.</p><p>"Horrible. I've been feeling sick all day" she replied, causing Santana to turn to look at her with a frown on her face.</p><p>"Why didn't you get the school to phone me if you've been feeling like that all day?"</p><p>"I didn't want you to get mad". Mila shrugged.</p><p>"Mila" Santana sighed, feeling guilty now "Baby, if you really weren't feeling well, of course I wouldn't be mad at you. But your education is important, so I have to make sure sometimes. You have to admit, your behaviour has been a little off lately, and that might just be because you're growing up and your body is changing which is completely normal. But are you sure there's not something else bothering you?"</p><p>"No, I really do feel sick. I just want to stay home all weekend and watch movies".</p><p>Santana studied her daughter as if she was trying to work out what was going on inside her mind. It seemed unfair not to just trust her, but she had to make sure that there wasn't something else that Mila just wasn't telling her. Clearly it couldn't be school like she originally thought, because now it was over until Monday and Mila wouldn't be able to keep the front up this long just to save face.</p><p>Then an alarm bell went off in her head. Mila had made a point just now of saying how she wanted to stay home all weekend, when in actual fact she was supposed to be with Puck this weekend. All week leading up Mila had been complaining and hinting that she didn't want to go with Puck this weekend, even though it was his turn to have her. She'd have Mila all the time if she could, but the court order they had in place from years back granted Puck at least two weekends a month (that is whenever he stuck to them). Santana wondered if it was Puck letting Mila down for her birthday party, that had caused the sudden reluctance in seeing him.</p><p>"Meels, are you sure you're not just saying this as a way to get out of seeing your dad this weekend?" Santana asked softly.</p><p>To her surprise, Mila started to cry.</p><p>"No! Why can't you just believe that I'm not feeling well" she sobbed.</p><p>Concerned for her child, Santana reached out into the back seat and grabbed Mila's hand.</p><p>"Okay, okay" she calmed her "It's alright sweetheart, don't cry okay? Listen, how about I call your dad and tell him that you're not feeling well and that you won't be coming this weekend, and then you and I can go home and bring all the blankets downstairs and get cuddled up on the sofa and watch a movie. Does that sound like a good idea? Do you think that will make you feel better?"</p><p>"Okay" Mila sniffled, her face red from her tears, as Santana gave her hand one last squeeze before turning around to drive and get them home.</p><p>As soon as they were home, Mila had run straight upstairs to get her pyjamas on while Santana made the call to Puck. He was less than pleased, saying it was "an inconvenience" to him that he had to switch his weekends around, but Santana couldn't care less what he thought. It was okay for him to cancel last minute on his daughter's birthday, but when she got sick as kids do, it was "inconvenient".</p><p>Santana still wasn't sure if Mila actually was sick or not, as she cuddled up to her on the couch watching Taylor Swift's Miss Americana documentary for the 1000th time, she observed her daughter was definitely quieter than usual. She had cautiously put a bowl by the sofa in case Mila needed to throw up, but so far it hadn't been used, and she kept on feeling her head for a temperature, but she had no sign of one. But whether she was genuinely feeling unwell, or if she was just having an off-day and wanted some attention from her mom, Santana was going to give it to her either way.</p><p>By 8pm Mila was fast asleep, which was definitely unlike her, especially on a weekend. Santana carried Mila up to bed, which was a struggle considering how big she was getting, but she managed it without waking her. She hoped a good night's sleep would make her feel better in the morning.</p><p>Santana wasn't really sure what to do with herself for the rest of her Friday evening. Brittany was still at work and would be until at least midnight because she was so busy with these last-minute changes and reshuffles. Santana had barely got to speak to her all day, just the odd text here and there, because Brittany had been there since this morning. She was the one person she really wanted to call but couldn't, but instead she called her mom to check that she made it to Cincinnati okay, where she was visiting Pablo and Sarah for the weekend. After hanging up the phone to them, she debated giving Quinn a call, but then she remembered she was surprisingly on another date with Finn tonight, and she made a mental note to ask her tomorrow how all of that was going.</p><p>She settled for watching TV instead. There was a new Netflix documentary called "Tiger King" that was trending everywhere, so she decided on that, determined to stay awake so she could speak to Brittany after work. But despite her interest in the show, and her best efforts to stay up for her girlfriend, she found herself dozing off and woke up with a start to a roaring tiger. It wasn't even 10pm yet, and Santana forced her eyes awake, but it was no use and soon she was falling asleep again.</p><p>Eventually she gave in and sloped off to bed around 10, thinking that she'd at least be up early enough to speak to Brittany before she set off for another long day of work tomorrow.</p><p>From: Santana</p><p>To: Brittany</p><p>
  <strong>Hi baby, hope work is going well. I'm really sorry but I'm probably going to be asleep by the time you finish work. I've been trying to stay awake, but I just keep falling asleep, I'm so tired. I'm going to get up early tomorrow though so that I can speak to you before you start. Roll on Wednesday! Sleep well, and please make sure you get a cab home instead of walking. I know it's the city, but it's late! Love you x</strong>
</p><p>No sooner had she sent the text to Brittany, had she found herself back asleep again.</p>
<hr/><p>At around 2am, Santana woke up with a start. She had been in a deep sleep from how tired she was, but it must have been her mom instincts that woke her up, because now she was awake, she knew what had woken her up. The sound was very faint, but it was the sound of Mila throwing up. That was when she realised bad news truly did come in threes, because now her daughter really was sick. She leapt out of bed and towards Mila's room, finding her tearful and looking in a very sorry state.</p><p>"Mama I'm sorry, I've been sick all over my bed" she wailed.</p><p>"It's okay baby, it's okay! Don't worry." Santana rushed towards her, instincts taking over as she pulled Mila's hair off her face and into a ponytail, before grabbing the bowl beside her bed and rubbing her back "Do you feel like you need to be sick some more?"</p><p>"I'm not sure" Mila sniffled, but Santana's question was soon answered when Mila suddenly started throwing up again.</p><p>"It's okay, Mama's here, just get it all up sweetheart. You'll feel better for it, I promise".</p><p>Santana gently rubbed her back and soothed her, until Mila was sure she wasn't going to be sick no more. She then held her hand against her to check for a temperature again, but this time she had one for sure.</p><p>"Gosh Mila, you're scalding." Santana gasped, before turning onto autopilot "Come on sweetheart, let's get you out of these clothes and into a really quick shower, you can sleep in with me tonight".</p><p>When Mila was clean, showered and in fresh pyjamas, Santana tucked her up in bed with a large glass of water.</p><p>"Baby, I just need to take your temperature, okay?"</p><p>Mila nodded, still tearful, and Santana placed the device in her ear. She checked three times for accuracy, but each time the reading was the same. Mila had a temperature of 101 F.</p><p>"Okay darling drink some more water for me. I'll be right back".</p><p>Santana came back moments later with a damp cloth for Mila's head, which she dabbed against her to try and break her fever. She knew from being the daughter of a doctor that fevers were a healthy response to infection, but she also knew if they got too high, they could be dangerous and could cause reactions like seizures.</p><p>After more vomiting and tears from Mila, and an increasing feeling of helplessness in Santana, Mila was finally back asleep again. Santana took her temperature again, careful not to wake her, but was alarmed to see that despite the damp cloth pressed against her forehead and the removal of her pyjama shirt, Mila's temperature had in fact gone up, not down. It was now reading at 103 F, if it got to 104 F, she'd have to seek medical attention, something that she really didn't want to have to do.</p><p>She bit her lip frantically as a single tear escaped down her face. She was a worrier by nature but situations like this made her panic even more. It was times like this, she really wished her dad was still here, because she'd be straight on the phone to him. Instead, she picked up her cell to call the one person that she knew could always calm her.</p><p>"San?" Brittany said into the receiver, voice confused and thick with sleep, but the sound of her voice instantly broke Santana into tears.</p><p>"Brit, I'm so sorry for calling you at this time, I know you have to be up early again tomorrow. But Mila got sick and I'm panicking a bit, I just…needed to hear your voice".</p><p>On hearing Mila was sick and Santana was crying, Brittany instantly shook all tiredness from her body and sat up in bed.</p><p>"Hey, hey, hey, calm down. What do you mean Mila got sick? Is she okay?"</p><p>"She's been complaining about feeling sick all day. To be honest Brit, at first I thought she was faking it to get out of school after the whole show and tell thing, but about an hour ago I woke up to her throwing up. She's sleeping next to me now, but I don't know how long for because she keeps throwing up still, and she has a really high fever too. It was at 101 and I've had a damp cloth against her to try and cool her down but nothing seems to be working, I checked just now and it's gone up to 103. I'm scared she's going to get so hot she has a seizure or something. At 104 you're supposed to take them to the ER, but I don't know whether to just take her already, just to be safe. I'm sorry, I'm not expecting you to have all the answers or anything, I just wanted to hear your voice that's all. You always manage to calm me down."</p><p>"Oh, my poor Moo" Brittany muttered sympathetically "have you given her any medication to try and break the fever?"</p><p>"I haven't actually" Santana sighed "why didn't I think of that?"</p><p>"Because you're tired and you're stressed, and you were trying other alternatives" Brittany soothed. She always hated it when Santana got too hard on herself.</p><p>"Yeah, I mean, I've checked for all the obvious things you check for when your kid has a fever this high, she doesn't have any rashes or any other symptoms except the vomiting, so I don't think it's meningitis or anything like that. I don't really know what it is, I just hate seeing her like this and feeling helpless".</p><p>Brittany's heart tugged, feeling just as helpless being 600 miles away and not being able to be there for Santana and Mila. Then a thought hit her.</p><p>"Actually San, I just remembered, Mila told me on FaceTime the other day that a boy in her class got sick in front of her. She was totally grossed out by it, that's why she was telling me, I think you were making dinner at the time. It's probably just a bout of the stomach flu that's going round her class".</p><p>Santana felt slightly relieved. Knowing there was probably a reason why Mila was feeling this sick made her feel a little better, as much as it wasn't nice to see.</p><p>"It probably is just that then. I just panic, you know?"</p><p>"Of course, and that's completely understandable. She's your baby, you love her. Nobody likes seeing their kids unwell and not being able to do anything about it. And high fevers can be scary and unpredictable. Probably best you get some medicine down her and see if you can lower her temperature a bit".</p><p>"Yeah, I'm gonna do that now. Will you stay on the phone with me? Speaking to you is instantly making me feel like, 100 times calmer".</p><p>"Course baby".</p><p>Santana went off to get the children's Tylenol that she kept in the cupboard but rarely needed to use, because generally Mila was a healthy child. She woke her up to take it and Mila grumbled and complained, with Santana apologising and promising she could go straight back to sleep as soon as she had taken the medicine. She still had her eyes closed as Santana held the water up to her mouth, and as soon as her head hit the pillow, she was out like a light again. Santana curled up on the bed next to her, just watching her and stroking the sweaty hair off her face, with Brittany still on the phone to her.</p><p>"How's the fever looking?" Brittany asked tentatively, after around 45 minutes of Mila having the medicine running through her system.</p><p>"Let me check" Santana answered, as she held the thermometer to Mila's ear again, breathing a sigh of relief as she saw the reading "Okay it's down to 101 F again, which is not quite as scary. Hopefully it keeps coming down".</p><p>"That's great, the medicine must be working then" said Brittany, and try as she might, she couldn't help the yawn that escaped her lips. It made Santana feel really bad for waking her after such a long day, with yet another long day ahead of her tomorrow.</p><p>"I really am sorry for calling you at this time of night babe. I just panicked really because Mila hasn't been this sick for years, and usually I'd always call my dad at times like this…"</p><p>"Don't apologise" Brittany cut in "I'm your girlfriend. If something is wrong with Mila or if you're upset, I want to hear about it, I don't care what time of night it is. You two will always be my priority".</p><p>Santana felt her mouth tug upwards into a smile at that.</p><p>"I appreciate it so much Brit, thank you. Mila and I, we just couldn't ask for better than you. It's so late though, and you have another 15-hour day ahead of you tomorrow, I should let you go get some sleep".</p><p>"As much as I would love to speak to you all night, I'm going to have to agree with you, I probably should sleep. I know you're probably going to stay awake and watch over Mila all night, but try and get some rest too, okay?"</p><p>"I'll try. Will you call me in the morning when you're on your way to work?"</p><p>"I was just going to ask you the same thing and tell you to call me in the morning to let me know how she is, but yes, I'll call you then. Moo's going to be fine, San. Give her a big kiss from me".</p><p>"I will of course. I love you Brit"</p><p>"I love you too Santana, get some rest, and I'll speak to you in the morning".</p><p>After hanging up the phone to Brittany and checking Mila's temperature a good few times, Santana did actually try to get some sleep, ignoring the feeling of nausea in the pit of her stomach and hoping it was just the stress of the day making her feel this way, rather than her catching whatever Mila had.</p>
<hr/><p>Turns out Santana's hopes were wrong, when at around 6am she woke up throwing up herself. It had been an uneasy night, Mila had woken up various times to be sick, and now Santana worried about how she was going to look after her daughter when she was just as sick herself. But she'd manage it. She'd find the strength from somewhere to ignore her own feeling of unwellness, in order to look after Mila, because that's just what mom's do.</p><p>After she cleaned herself up, she climbed back into bed feeling shaky and weak, taking Mila's temperature again for what now felt like the 1000th time. She felt like she'd barely slept, but she was awake now, she didn't really feel like could fall back asleep again. Instead, she just watched over Mila, until 20 minutes later when she found herself violently throwing up again and she had to reach for the bowl by Mila's side because there was no way she was going to make it to the bathroom in time.</p><p>This of course woke Mila up, and she looked at Santana in concern. She didn't think she'd ever seen her mom throwing up before, only Aunty Brit when she was pregnant, and she didn't like it because like her mom she was a worrier.</p><p>"Mama, you're sick too?" she asked worriedly, and Santana simply nodded for now because naturally she couldn't speak. Mila mirrored what she had seen Santana do with her and rubbed Santana's back with her little hand and moving her hair back.</p><p>When Santana had finished, she turned to Mila to answer her question properly.</p><p>"Yes baby, it looks like mama got sick too, but don't worry. I'm going to be the one to look after you all day, you don't have to look after me, I'm okay".</p><p>And moments later Santana was doing just that, when it was Mila's turn to throw up again. Afterwards, she steadied herself to retrieve two bottles of water from the kitchen, ignoring the way the room span. She hadn't felt this bad in a long time. She urged Mila to drink the water, but she drank too fast and tearfully threw it up again.</p><p>"Just small sips sweetheart" Santana soothed her.</p><p>"No, I'm not drinking anymore, it makes me sick" Mila wailed.</p><p>"You gotta keep drinking Meels, you'll get dehydrated otherwise".</p><p>After a bit of a battle to get Mila to drink some more, she was finally back asleep again, and Santana lay back on the bed clutching her stomach and wondering how long she'd have before either one of them was throwing up again. She felt utterly useless right now.</p><p>At around 7:30am Brittany called.</p><p>"Morning honey, how is she?"</p><p>"Not great Brit, she's still throwing up a lot and her temperature is still high" Santana sighed "To make matters worse whatever she has, I've clearly caught too because now I'm also throwing up, and I just feel like crap. How am I supposed to look after her properly when I'm like this?"</p><p>"Can your mom come around maybe to help you out?" Brittany asked softly.</p><p>"She's in Cincinnati seeing Pab" Santana explained, and she squeezed her eyes shut as she felt the familiar wave of nausea and the bile collecting in her throat. "Brit I gotta go-"</p><p>But she couldn't even finish the sentence before she was throwing up again.</p>
<hr/><p>At 3pm, Santana and Mila were both dozing on the sofa where they had moved for a change of scenery. Mila was on one end, Santana on the other, and they were both covered in blankets with a bowl each by their side. It had been a long, rough day.</p><p>It was only when Santana felt a damp cloth pressed against her head that her eyes fluttered open. To her surprise, Brittany was standing over her with a concerned look on her face. She had to be hallucinating from her fever.</p><p>"Brit…" she croaked; voice laced with confusion.</p><p>"Shh" Brittany hushed, and it was only when she placed a soft hand against her cheek, that Santana realised she wasn't hallucinating. Brittany really was here. "Yes, it's me. I'm here. I let myself in with the spare key because I didn't want to wake you".</p><p>"But Brit, you're supposed to be at work all weekend".</p><p>"I know" Brittany supplied simply "But my girlfriend and my goddaughter are sick, and they needed me, so I told them that".</p><p>"But your work is important, they're not going to be happy…" Santana worried, but Brittany cut her off.</p><p>"<em>Nothing </em>is as important as you and Mila. It's like I told you on the phone. You two are my priority, so just let me look after you, please?"</p><p>Worries diminished; Santana was only too happy to oblige. Knowing Brittany was here now to take care of them made her feel instantly better, even if only slightly. Brittany did just that, she pulled out all the supplies she had with her. More Tylenol in case they ran out in both the adult and the child version, water, Gatorade, chicken soup for when they felt like eating something.</p><p>She made sure both of them were comfortable, pillows fluffed, light blankets tucked around then and that they were dosed up and had drank enough fluids. Mila was less reluctant to drink the Gatorade than the water, and Brittany was glad about that, because she needed the electrolytes back in her system. Once both girls were sleeping again, she dropped a light kiss on each of their foreheads and disappeared upstairs to change all the bedding and clean the bathroom.</p><p>As soon as she heard Mila throwing up again, she sprinted back downstairs to help and she rubbed her back and whispered soothing words, doing the same for Santana when minutes later it was her turn. Then she just sat with them and watched movies; only they weren't really watching them. Santana and Mila were in and out of sleep, and Brittany just spent the whole time watching them cautiously, rather than the movie.</p><p>At 7pm Mila woke up and groaned that she was uncomfortable.</p><p>"You wanna go get in Mama's bed sweetheart? We could all move up there instead, might be a bit more comfortable?"</p><p>Mila nodded meekly, and Brittany scooped her up with ease and carried her upstairs. Once she had tucked her in and settled her, she went back downstairs to get Santana, and made a split-second decision to carry her up too so not to wake her.</p><p>She couldn't help but place a kiss between Santana's eyes in a bid to remove her furrowed brow, but she instantly regretted it when Santana's eyes fluttered open.</p><p>"What are you doing?" Santana asked.</p><p>"I'm carrying you up to bed" said Brittany "Mila is in there already. Shh, go back to sleep".</p><p>Her heart pulled a little when Santana's mouth tugged into a slight smile as she fell straight back to sleep. After checking both girls were okay and sleeping soundly, she ran back downstairs to clean up and turn all the lights out, listening out to make sure neither of them were throwing up or needed her.</p><p>When she got back upstairs, she was relieved to find that both of them were still sleeping, and she sat at the foot of the bed and just watched them both. Around 40 minutes later she noticed Mila stirring slightly, as she reached out her arm and began waggling it in mid-air.</p><p>"Mila? Are you okay sweetheart?" Brittany asked, moving towards her.</p><p>"I'm just petting the unicorn" Mila smiled lazily, and at first Brittany thought that Mila was dreaming, until she realised she was in fact hallucinating.</p><p>"Everything is so bright and colourful" Mila continued, and Brittany took out the thermometer again to check her temperature. It was back up to 103 F.</p><p>"Is she okay?" Santana shot up from her sleep instinctively.</p><p>"She's hallucinating that's all. I used to do this all the time as a kid when I had a high fever. Temperature's just a little high again so I'm just gonna try get it down. Don't worry San, I got it" she assured the worried brown eyes.</p><p>Brittany managed to bring Mila's temperature down to a much safer 100 F, but just as she was getting her to sleep again, Santana was the one who needed her attention. She was so glad she had come here today to look after them both.</p><p>When Santana had finished emptying the contents of her stomach, which by this point was just her own stomach lining, she got tearful.</p><p>"I haven't felt this bad in a long time Brit-Brit" she wailed, and Brittany instinctively got behind her on the bed, wrapping her arms around her stomach from behind and rubbing gently, placing firm soft kisses on her temple.</p><p>"No don't kiss me Brit" Santana pulled away "I'm all gross. And I don't want you to catch this from me because it's awful".</p><p>But Brittany just kept kissing her.</p><p>"Santana, I don't care. I don't care that you're all sickly and that you feel gross right now. I don't care if I catch it. I <em>just</em> want to make you feel better, that's all I care about".</p><p>She was relieved when she felt Santana relax back into her, and Brittany just kissed her some more, pulling Santana's hand up to her mouth and kissing her there too.</p><p>"I really love you, you know" Santana sighed.</p><p>"I know" Brittany smiled. "I love you too".</p><p>Just at that moment Mila's eyes fluttered opened again.</p><p>"Aunty Brit, will you cuddle me?"</p><p>"Of course, angel." Brittany smiled. She wondered if Mila had witnessed any of that, which wouldn't have been ideal since they hadn't had chance to tell her yet, but she figured she was way too out of it to realise anything.</p><p>Mila sat up on the bed to let Brittany in, who scooted in next to Santana and pulled Mila towards her so that she was resting on her, while Santana cuddled into Brittany from the other side, keeping one hand on Mila and one hand on her girlfriend. Together they all fell asleep cocooned together, hoping that tomorrow would be a new day and that both girls would be feeling better.</p>
<hr/><p>It was Mila moving against her that woke Brittany up, and she smiled as she realised she had stayed cuddled up to her all night. She sat up slightly to study her.</p><p>"Good morning baby girl, how are you feeling this morning?"</p><p>"I feel much better" Mila smiled "I don't feel sick anymore, just very tired. Even though I had a super long sleep".</p><p>"That's great sweetheart, I'm so glad. You're bound to be feeling a bit weak from not eating much, but we can try getting something down you today, even if it's just some soup or dry toast. Here, drink this for now" Brittany said, offering her the bottle of water, as she turned to see Santana stretching and waking up as well.</p><p>"And here's my other favourite girl. How are you feeling?" Brittany asked.</p><p>"Ugh so much better. Like you wouldn't believe. Thanks to you and your expert looking after sick people skills" Santana smiled gratefully "Yesterday was rough huh Meels?"</p><p>Mila nodded emphatically.</p><p>"I never felt so sick before".</p><p>Brittany checked Mila's temperature as she cuddled into Santana, who was more pleased to see her daughter feeling well again rather than her own self.</p><p>"Temperature's back in the normal range too" Brittany said to Santana, who sighed out in relief "You scared us for a bit there you know Moo? At one point your fever was so high that you thought you were seeing unicorns; do you remember that?"</p><p>Mila laughed alongside Brittany.</p><p>"Oh yes! I do remember seeing that unicorn. I saw a lot of things. I also saw a purple cat with rainbow-coloured whiskers and a dolphin with a pink fin. And then I saw you kissing Mama. Being sick is so weird and funny".</p><p>Santana's eyes widened at that, and she caught Brittany's eye, before turning to speak to her daughter.</p><p>"I'm so glad you're feeling better my angel. Do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go run you a bath with all of the messy bath bombs that you love so much".</p><p>"Yay bath bombs!"</p><p>"And while Mama does that, I'm going to fix you both some food downstairs. You both must be starving by now".</p><p>"Can we have your special pancake recipe Aunty Brit?" Mila asked excitedly.</p><p>"I'm not sure they'll be great for you today Moo, maybe tomorrow. We'll start with something smaller today, just to make sure you don't get sick again" Brittany answered, thinking the sickly-sweet yet delicious pancakes she made would be far too much for her to stomach.</p><p>"Why don't you go pick out the bath bombs you want to use, and I'll be through in a second?" Santana asked, and Mila's pout was quickly replaced by joy again as she ran off towards the bathroom.</p><p>As soon as she was out of sight, Santana raised her hand to her face and closed her eyes.</p><p>"She thinks you and I kissing was a hallucination"</p><p>"I know. I'm so sorry babe" Brittany offered "I should have thought. I didn't realise she was awake".</p><p>"No, no it's not that" said Santana "I mean we were going to tell her the next time you came anyway. I just can't believe she caught us, and she thinks she hallucinated it. We're going to have to tell her today".</p><p>Brittany was relieved that Santana was laughing and seeing the funny side of it.</p><p>"Yeah, I agree. Shall we tell her over breakfast?"</p><p>Santana nodded. Brittany couldn't help but feel nervous about this, especially given the recent reaction of her parents when telling them the news.</p><p>As always, Santana could read what was on her mind.</p><p>"And Brit, don't be nervous okay? She's going to love this. I promise".</p>
<hr/><p>A short time later a freshly showered Santana and a Mila that was all hopped up on glitter bath bombs arrived downstairs and sat at the table. Brittany placed some dry toast in front of them and a large glass of apple juice.</p><p>"Okay, let's see how you get on with this" she smiled.</p><p>They ate in a silence that was filled with anticipation of what was to come, and Brittany turned the radio on a little just to ease her mind. After they had finished eating, Mila stood up with her plate.</p><p>"That was yummy! Thank you, Aunty Brit" and Brittany stifled a laugh because, she knew nothing about dry toast was yummy, but she was glad to see that both Mila and Santana had been able to eat something for the first time in 36 hours.</p><p>Santana looked at Brittany, and Brittany nodded, symbolising she was ready.</p><p>"Actually sweetheart, can you sit down for a second please? Aunty Brit and I just wanted to talk to you about something".</p><p>Mila sat back down and Santana went over to turn off the radio, before switching seats so that she was now sitting next to Brittany and opposite Mila.</p><p>"Okay" Mila said uncertainly "Is this about the demerits?"</p><p>She sulked into a pout until Santana assured her otherwise.</p><p>"No, it's not about that. It's about something you saw last night. You know how you said you saw Aunty Brit kissing me?"</p><p>Mila nodded curiously, as Santana reached under the table and squeezed Brittany's hand.</p><p>"Well…that wasn't a hallucination sweetheart."</p><p>"So, you really did kiss?" Mila asked.</p><p>This time it was Brittany's turn to answer.</p><p>"I did kiss your mama yes because… I love her, and I love you, and I really just want all of us to be so happy together".</p><p>The cogs were clearly turning in Mila's head.</p><p>"So…you two are girlfriend and girlfriend now?"</p><p>Santana looked at Brittany with a smile before turning back to Mila and nodding.</p><p>"Is that okay with you?" she asked her daughter tentatively, while Brittany waited on bated breath for the reaction.</p><p>Mila was momentarily silent, before breaking out into a huge grin as she bit her lip, eyes closed in joy. It was a reaction that made Brittany let out a breath she didn't even realise she was holding, and Santana break out into a smile followed by a soft giggle.</p><p>"Is that a yes?" Santana asked.</p><p>"Yes" Mila chuckled, in almost a whisper, before suddenly she burst into overwhelmed tears. Ever the daughter of Santana Lopez.</p><p>"Oh no Mila, what's wrong?" Brittany asked worriedly, and both of them ran around the table to comfort her, one at each side as they bent down next to her chair.</p><p>"I'm sorry" Mila laughed through her tears "It's just that I'm so happy right now. I can't believe my birthday wish actually came true".</p><p>"Your birthday wish?" Santana asked.</p><p>Mila nodded.</p><p>"At my party when I blew out the candles, you told me to make a wish like you always do. I wished that now Dani was gone, that Mama would find somebody else to make her happy, but I mostly wished that it would be you Aunty Brit. I love Dani, and I miss her, but I always loved you the most Aunty Brit. When Dani was gone, I thought…I gotta finally wish for this. You always tell me to wish wisely Mama. I wished wise.".</p><p>Brittany now felt her own tears come to the surface as she reached out to hug Mila.</p><p>"Oh Moo, you don't understand how happy it makes me to hear you say that"</p><p>After some more tears, the three of them encircled in a right group hug, Mila pulled back and looked at Santana.</p><p>"Does this mean we get to be a real family now?"</p><p>"We've always been a family, baby. Us three against the world" Santana said softly, as she used her sleeve to wipe some of Mila's tears "But yes, we're definitely a family. Now more than ever. This is just the start of our happy lives together".</p><p>And as Brittany squeezed them in closer to hug them once more, the three of them had the same thought swirling unanimously through their heads.</p><p>That <em>this, </em>was everything they ever wanted.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>AN:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>For anyone wants to visualise Mila's reaction to Brittany and Santana being together, picture Brittany's reaction in 5x13 when Santana asks Brittany to move to New York with her and Brittany breaks out into that huge grin. That's how I picture Mila's face being when she finds out. Just so full of happiness.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>As always, thank y</strong>
  <strong>ou to anyone taking the time to review, it really spurs me on and motivates me to know you're loving the story. Of course thank you to the silent readers too for sticking with such a long story. I hope you all continue to love the journey!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>xx</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0051"><h2>51. Chapter 51</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Friday</strong>
</p><p>As grateful as Santana was that Brittany had come to Lima to look after her and Mila when they were sick, they were now truly feeling the consequences of it. Brittany had returned to New York on the Tuesday evening, sacrificing her original days off, and now she was working flat out until the first weekend in April. By this point, it had only been 3 days since Santana had last seen her girlfriend, but knowing she wasn't seeing her for a whole other week was so hard. Now she was finally with Brittany, she just wanted to be with her all the time.</p><p>It didn't help matters that Brittany was working such long days, it was hard to find time to talk, and often by the time Brittany had finished work Santana was asleep, exhausted from her own day being at work and being a single mom. Snatched texts between Brittany's hectic work schedule and Santana's home life were just about all they could muster up at the moment. It felt like they were ships in the night, and that was tough for both of them.</p><p>Santana felt like for whatever reason, she wasn't coping with the long-distance aspect quite as well as Brittany seemed to be, but what kept her going was the fact Brittany was worth it. Their time together was worth it, and she always felt that having a date planned in the diary for when they'd next see each other was a big help. Luckily, Brittany was one step ahead of her, and before she left for New York she had booked Santana and Mila tickets to come to New York for the first weekend in April when Brittany had the full weekend off. It had been a while since they all spent time in New York together, so at least there was that to look forward too.</p><p>Mila was especially excited about this and counting down the days also. She had gone back into school on the Wednesday, having fully recovered, but had been in a bad mood ever since. Santana wasn't sure if it was because she was missing Brittany like she was and didn't want her to go back to New York after the cute family-fuelled days they'd spent together where Mila had fully basked in the realisation they were "a real family" now, or if it was just the pre-teenage hormones that Brittany had warned her about. Or maybe simply that she just didn't like school anymore. But Santana smiled as she saw Mila running towards the car, seemingly in a better mood now that it was the weekend.</p><p>"Hi <em>Mija</em>, how was your day?" Santana asked cheerily, Mila's own enthusiasm reflecting off her.</p><p>"Hi Mama, it was okay thank you" Mila responded politely, as she climbed into the backseat and buckled herself in "What are we going to do this weekend?"</p><p>"Well, you're with dad this weekend remember? We switched your weekends around since you got sick last week. He's coming in around an hour, so we have to get home and get your stuff packed" said Santana, as she reversed out of the parking lot.</p><p>She caught sight of Mila's face in the mirror as it dropped, all traces of happiness now gone.</p><p>"Moo, are you okay?" Santana asked warily, as she watched her through the rear-view mirror.</p><p>"I just forget I was going with dad this weekend that's all" Mila shrugged "I wanted to spend the weekend with you".</p><p>That tugged on Santana's heartstrings a lot.</p><p>"Oh baby, I want to spend the weekend with you too. I would spend every weekend with you if I could, but you haven't seen your dad in a few weeks now, I think he'd really like to spend some time with you" she said gently.</p><p>She really hated this damn custody agreement at times, especially when Puck was so flippant with it. If he ever cancelled or changed dates around it was "okay", but if Santana didn't keep up to their twice monthly agreement, Puck could take her to court. There was no way she could go through that again, and risk Puck gaining even more access.</p><p>"But we have all next weekend to have fun, don't we? Me, you and Aunty Brit in New York, we'll have a blast!" Santana tried, hoping to brighten Mila's mood, and to Santana's satisfaction it seemed to work a little bit as her daughter's eyes sparkled at the mention of New York.</p><p>The rest of the car ride home was silent. Santana had tried to strike up conversation with her daughter, but she was being met with one-word answers and shrugs, so in the end she had given up. She felt guilty, in case Mila felt as if she was being palmed off, when that wasn't the case at all. Mila had always seemed to enjoy time with Puck, but recently she had seemed more reluctant about going. As Mila plodded upstairs, Santana caught her hand to stop her.</p><p>"Hey" Santana said softly, as the little girl turned around to look at her "You know I love you, don't you?"</p><p>Mila nodded.</p><p>"Well, don't you ever forget it!" Santana booped her nose, causing Mila to giggle, her face scrunching the same way Santana's did "I'm really sorry we can't be with each other every weekend sweetheart. If I had my way, we would be, I promise. When you're older, you'll understand. But I also want you to know that your dad loves you too, okay? I know sometimes he can let you down like with your party, but he does love you and he loves to spend time with you. We all love spending time with you, that's the thing. There's just not enough Mila to go around. I'm sure if your dad could have you with him all the time, he would, just like I'd have you with me the whole time if I could".</p><p>"I don't wanna be with dad the whole time" Mila said, voice high and eyes wide, and Santana felt instantly guilty that she had evoked a hard memory for Mila with the custody battle.</p><p>"No, no, of course not darling. That's not what I'm saying. You're never going to be with dad the whole time, you'll always be with me, but sometimes I have to share you with him too that's all". Mila relaxed slightly at her mother's comforting touch as she stroked her hair.</p><p>"But I thought me you and Aunty Brit were a family now, so why do I need a dad too?"</p><p>"Oh Moo, we are a family. Of course we are. But families come in all different shapes and sizes, you know that. So even though we're a family, you can still have a dad and all these other people in your life that love you. The more the better, right?"</p><p>"I guess…" Mila shrugged.</p><p>"Come on" Santana said, holding out her hand for Mila to take "Let's go and pack your stuff. I bet once you get there, you'll have a great time with your dad, you're just feeling a little nervous because you haven't seen him for a few weeks".</p><p>Mila said nothing but allowed Santana to lead her upstairs and they began packing her stuff.</p><p>"Don't forget your ballet shoes, you have dance tomorrow morning" Santana reminded her, and Mila sighed.</p><p>"What's the point? Dad will probably forget to take me again".</p><p>"What do you mean forget to take you?"</p><p>"Last time he forgot, even though I told him three times. He slept too long then he said it was too late to go. Then the next lesson I had to work hard to catch up because I had my tap exam".</p><p>Santana felt her shoulder tense at this. Puck knew Mila had dance every Saturday morning. Not only was it really important to her and something she loved to do, but it was also something she was highly skilled at. At her level, she was taking exams and competing a lot, and one lesson could make all the difference in how she did. Of course, to Santana, she didn't care if Mila came 1st or last, she wasn't the pushy type and she just wanted Mila to be happy. But she knew how seriously her daughter took dance, and how upset she would be to miss a lesson. She had even cried last week at the prospect of no dance when she was sick, and if it was up to Mila she would have battled through and gone still. Missing a lesson because "she forgot" would never be something that happened under Santana's care, and it riled Santana that Puck couldn't get his act together more and remember one simple thing.</p><p>"Don't worry sweetheart, that won't be happening again" Santana said determinedly, making a mental note to have firm words with Puck later when Mila was out of earshot.</p><hr/><p>With Mila sent off to Puck's with the biggest squeeze from Santana and having given Puck an earful about forgetting their daughter's dance class and a firm Snixx warning not to do it again, Santana spent her Friday evening the same way she did the previous Friday. Watching Tiger King with wine and trying her best to stay awake for when Brittany called. Brittany hated calling so late, in case she woke Santana, especially because Friday was always the day when Santana was most tired after the long week, but Santana had made her promise to call no matter what. She didn't care if Brittany woke her, she just wanted to hear her voice.</p><p>As suspected, when Brittany called, Santana was already fast asleep in bed having given in to her tiredness a little before 11pm. But Santana answered within three rings, her eyes still firmly squeezed shut.</p><p>"Brit?" she mumbled, too tired to even check the screen to see who was calling, but certain it was her girlfriend.</p><p>"Yeah baby, it's me. I'm just heading home now. Did I wake you? I told you I shouldn't call so late…I'll let you go".</p><p>"No, don't. Stay with me. I've been waiting to hear your voice all day" Santana insisted, voice thick with sleep as Brittany's heart melted both at her words and at the tiredness in her voice. "Did you get a cab? You know I don't like you walking or taking the subway this late"</p><p>"Yes, I got a cab, I'm okay. But you're so tired honey, why do you fight it? Please let me go so I can let you get some sleep".</p><p>"I won't sleep well until I know you're home safe. And besides, I always sleep better when you're by my side. So, I want you to stay on the phone so I can hear you're safe, then when you get there turn FaceTime on, and we can just sleep".</p><p>"I can do that. But at least shut your eyes and relax again. I'm right here and I'll stay on the phone all night, but you gotta get some sleep".</p><p>"Okay but just, talk to me so I know you're there. Tell me about your day, anything. Just let me fall asleep listening to you"</p><p>And Brittany did just that, she talked about her day as Santana snuggled into her phone with a smile on her face. When she heard Brittany pay the cab driver and enter her apartment she relaxed even more. Brittany switched on FaceTime as she pottered around and got settled for bed, and she kept on talking, even though she could tell by Santana's breathing that she was in the light stages of sleep by now.</p><p>When Brittany was finally ready for bed, she did the same as Santana, and cuddled into the phone, but not before placing a soft kiss on Santana's sleeping face on the screen. She let out a sigh, this long-distance lark was incredibly tough, but Santana was right. Sleeping next to each other even if only through a phone, and their sleep-laced conversations, made things a lot easier.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Saturday</strong>
</p><p>Santana unpacked the shopping with a sigh, it had been a long day, and she was more than pleased about Quinn coming over later for a wine night. It was much needed. She had spent most of the day at her abuela's and felt a little drained.</p><p>She had used the time to tell her grandmother about her relationship with Brittany, grateful that these conversations came easier now that Alma had somewhat accepted Santana's sexuality. The key word being somewhat.</p><p>Alma had smiled when Santana told her all about Dani, but it took 2 years for her to include Dani's name on the Christmas card, and Santana noted that she would always introduce her as "Santana's friend".</p><p>Alma had smiled again when Santana told her she was dating Brittany, and that things were pretty serious between them. She had even managed a "Ah- Brittany is a lovely girl, I have always been fond of her", but later on in the afternoon when they had gone to the store together for Alma to get her shopping in, Santana had found herself smiling at the baby in front of her as they waited in line to pay.</p><p>"You are still so young Santana. There is always time for you to find a husband and have more children" Alma had smiled gently, and Santana had sighed.</p><p>It was tiresome for her to have to explain to her grandmother that she wasn't going to change. She was never going to marry a man, but she could still get married and have children, just with a woman instead. With Brittany.</p><p>She figured that Alma's delusion was much better than the outright rejection she had faced before though. It was baby steps. Maybe Alma would never fully understand, and Santana would just have to live with that. She felt guilty when she reflected on the fact her girlfriend had it a lot worse. Her relationship with her parents had been seemingly strained and awkward over the past couple of weeks, and despite Santana's best efforts, it had been something Brittany was reluctant to talk about. She would pretend that everything was fine and that she was busy with work anyway, but Santana knew that really, she was hurting. Brittany had always been close with her family, and now there was a thick, unresolved tension hanging in the air.</p><p>Her thoughts were broken by the blonde in her thoughts sending her a text message, as her phone pinged three times in a row.</p><p>
  <strong>From: Brittany</strong>
</p><p>Quick coffee break! Been so hectic today, can't wait for a half day Wednesday! How's your day baby?</p><p>
  <strong>From: Brittany</strong>
</p><p>IMG_0545 SENT</p><p>
  <strong>From: Brittany</strong>
</p><p>She makes my day. I miss you both so much, you have no idea.</p><p>Santana smiled at the photo of Mila that Brittany had sent, a close-up selfie of herself at dance class, that she had apparently taken with her iPad and sent to Brittany. Santana had gone against what she usually did, and let Mila take the iPad to Puck's for the weekend, to ease some of the upset she felt about going.</p><p>She quickly typed back her response so she could share a stolen 5 minutes with her girlfriend, a soft smile planted on her face, as often the case whenever she thought about the blonde.</p><hr/><p>Later that evening, Santana was in the company of a certain other blonde that she loved, and by now they were a few wine's deep and sharing many a laugh.</p><p>"I really needed this tonight, thanks Q!" Santana smiled gratefully, dabbing at her eyes slightly, because she had laughed so much at Quinn that she genuinely had tears.</p><p>"The pleasure is always mine!" Quinn winked "Long week then?"</p><p>"When is it ever not long?" Santana laughed, casting a thought to how chaotic life was nowadays. Full time mom, full time job, having to spread herself thin by being there for her elderly grandmother, her recently widowed mom and of course making time for her equally busy girlfriend. She felt like she barely had time for herself anymore, so nights like this were a rarity and much needed. She had underestimated the effects of Dani moving out and how it had increased her workload.</p><p>Quinn nodded in agreement, as Santana continued.</p><p>"I just miss Brit a lot, that's all. I miss the intimacy of actually having someone to do life with. When she's here, everything is just perfect. But when she's not here it's like I'm in limbo, counting the days until I see her again. I want with Brit what I got to have with Dani."</p><p>"You shouldn't compare San" Quinn said gently "I mean you're way happier with Brittany, right?"</p><p>"Oh of course!" Santana nodded firmly "That's not what I was saying. I wouldn't trade my snatched moments with Brittany for anything in the world, but I just wish we could be together all of the time. I don't want our relationship to just be "exciting trips to see each other", I want all the normal things. I want to wake up to her on a morning and fall asleep with her every night. I want the bickering about what we should eat for dinner, the mundane grocery shops and to come home to her every day and get to tell her about my day in person. That's what we're missing".</p><p>Santana blushed slightly at her own rambles, realising the wine was probably having an effect, but Quinn seemed to understand.</p><p>"Well, you're only early days. Who knows what the future together is going to look like? Maybe you should talk to her about it, I'm sure she feels the same way and would rather you were in the same place".</p><p>"I guess so" Santana shrugged "But her career is in New York. And my life is here. What with my mom, and my abuela, and Mila in school, I'm kind of tied here now".</p><p>"Nobody said it was going to be easy San" Quinn smiled sympathetically "Long distance sucks"</p><p>"No, you're right" Santana sighed, taking a long sip of her wine "But I'd rather do hard with her than easy with anyone else. Anyway…enough about me. What's the latest on you and Mr Hudson?"</p><p>Quinn rolled her eyes slightly with a coy smile and shuffled in her seat.</p><p>"Quinn Fabray, I have never seen you like this about any guy <em>ever" </em>Santana teased.</p><p>"Okay, you tell no one of this" Quinn warned lightly, as Santana continued to laugh.</p><p>"So come on, spill! What's the deal!? Are you guys official yet?"</p><p>"Official!? No!" Quinn scoffed nervously, but Santana looked at her knowingly. She knew her best friend, and she knew this was more than anything she'd ever had before.</p><p>"It's not a big deal, but we're going to New York together next week for 5 days"</p><p>Santana clapped her hands in excitement.</p><p>"I knew it! I knew this was heading in a serious direction. You're going on vacation together, it's only a matter of time before you're official, then before you know it, you're married, couple kids running around"</p><p>"Okay, stop!" Quinn laughed "That is <em>not</em> happening. I don't even think I want kids, and marriage? Ew. No"</p><p>"Ever the commitment phobe" Santana raised her eyebrows "No, no look, I gotta be honest, I really like this pairing"</p><p>Quinn cringed in her seat, and Santana thought she should maybe offer her a reprieve, so she stopped her teasing.</p><p>"Mila and I are headed to New York next weekend, so maybe we'll see you there"</p><p>"Oooh yeah, maybe!"</p><p>"That's if you make it outside the hotel at all" Santana winked. There was only so long she could stop her teasing for, but deep down she was happy that her non-committal best friend seemed to have found love.</p><hr/><p>Later that night, both girls were more than a little worse for wear. It was long past midnight and several empty wine bottles were littered around them, the music was blaring, and Santana could only prepare for the impending battle with her neighbours the next morning. They were midway through an impromptu performance of I Say A Little Prayer by Aretha Franklin when the speaker cut off much to Quinn's disdain. But as soon as Santana saw the reason it had cut off, her eyes lit up and she rushed towards the phone.</p><p>"Baby, hi! How are you? I miss you. I wish you were here" she slurred through the phone</p><p>Quinn laughed softly and flopped back on the couch with her eyes closed, her head spinning from all the alcohol.</p><p>"Santana how much have you had to drink? You sound extremely intoxicated." Brittany laughed.</p><p>"Only a little bit baby but I am intoxicated. Intoxicated by youuuuu"</p><p>"Santana, gross! If you two are going to start having phone sex or something, I'm totally going to bed" Quinn laughed, throwing a cushion at Santana.</p><p>"Heyyyy" Santana yelled, as soon as the cushion hit her "Britt, Quinn is pummelling me with cushions. I'm gonna need you to get your ass to Lima and come and protect me"</p><p>Brittany simply giggled at her incoherent and adorable girlfriend.</p><p>"What you mean like all the times in High School when I protected you during Dodgeball games? You'd scream like a little girl, and I'd always pick you up"</p><p>"Oh, you certainly knew how to pick me up alright" Santana raised her eyebrow.</p><p>Slightly concerned the conversation was going to head somewhere it shouldn't when she was in the company of a 50-something-year-old bored looking taxi driver, Brittany changed the subject quickly.</p><p>"Did you have a fun night with Quinn, honey?"</p><p>"I did" Santana smiled honestly, before turning to observe Quinn who had seemingly fallen asleep on the couch "But I can think of some ways I could have even more fun with you"</p><p>Brittany swallowed at Santana's raspy tone, as Santana headed up to her bedroom, quickly discarding of her clothes, leaving nothing but her underwear.</p><p>"Tell me what you're wearing, baby?" Santana toyed, her voice oozing sex and making the hairs on the back of Brittany's neck stand on end. She may have been drunk as hell, but she was also still hot as hell.</p><p>"San, I'm in the cab" Brittany hissed quietly, glancing nervously at the driver to check he couldn't hear any of this.</p><p>"You wanna know what I'm wearing?" Santana continued, not letting up.</p><p>"What?" Brittany swallowed; her mouth extremely dry.</p><p>"Only your <em>favourite</em> pair of underwear. You know the red lacy ones that leave very little to the imagination?"</p><p>"Yep I…I know the ones" Brittany stuttered. Santana was driving her crazy, and she was increasingly aware of the fact that a) she was very turned on and b) was in public.</p><p>"Mm-hm" Santana purred, as she thumbed around the panties in question "But you know what Brit? <em>I </em>happen to think that as appealing as they are to you, they're actually a little itchy, so maybe I should just…take them off"</p><p>By now Brittany was sweating, as she imagined her drunk girlfriend writhing around on the bed in her favourite underwear, she needed this cab driver to get her home. Fast. Then Santana let out a moan that caused Brittany to bite her lip, her own pang of arousal shooting through her.</p><p>"Santana are you…are you touching yourself?" she whispered, keeping a cautious eye on the cab driver.</p><p>"What do you think?" Santana continued; her normally dulcet tones were now laced with seduction.</p><p>As Santana let out yet another moan, it became too much for Brittany, if she didn't shift the conversation, she was going to end up doing something in this cab that she'd heavily regret. She threw out the first thing she could think of.</p><p>"Did you read the latest on the Meghan and Harry drama?"</p><p>Brittany cringed internally and sucked a breath in at the sudden awkwardness that swilled around them. She couldn't believe she had turned off their sex phone by mentioning Megxit, of all things. She heard some fumbling from the other end of the phone, but no words came out.</p><p>"Babe, are you still there?" She asked nervously.</p><p>"Yep. Still here. Just putting on my extra-thick, long, unsexy pyjamas" Santana said bluntly, and Brittany had to remind herself not to take her mood too seriously, because she was clearly very drunk "Way to ruin the mood, <em>babe</em>" she added sarcastically.</p><p>"I'm sorry" Brittany whispered "But I told you, I'm in the cab and…you were driving me crazy" she added, lowering her voice even more.</p><p>More silence.</p><p>"Don't be mad at me" Brittany pleaded.</p><p>"I'm not, I'm just tired that's all. I should get some sleep"</p><p>"I'll be home in ten minutes; we could always continue this then?" Brittany suggested.</p><p>"The moods gone now to be honest Brit" Santana sighed.</p><p>"Oh, okay then, well I'll let you go. Have a good sleep, and if you can take two painkillers before you go to bed, do it. It'll help the head in the morning" Brittany offered, trying her best not to sound disheartened.</p><p>Santana instantly felt guilty, she knew that alcohol was clouding her judgement, and that she was being unnecessarily short with her. She just missed being close with her like that.</p><p>"No babe, stay. You know I won't sleep well until I know you're home safe so, at least stay on the phone until then" Santana said, her bluntness lifting, as the relief flooded through Brittany.</p><p>So, Brittany did just that, and she talked to her about her day all the way home, because she knew Santana liked that. And just as had been the case on the previous night, by the time Brittany was home safe, Santana was fast asleep. Once more, Brittany snuggled up to the cold, hard phone, savouring in the fact it was the only way she could sleep next to her girlfriend right now.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Sunday</strong>
</p><p>The next morning, Santana was woken by the harsh light of the sun, and she squinted against it. Her head was killing her, and she cursed herself for not taking Brittany's advice and taking some painkillers before bed. Not only that, but it also felt like she had literally swallowed sand, her mouth was that dry.</p><p>When she found the strength, she grabbed her phone, her eyes squinting once more from the bright lights of the screen as she put her glasses on to read it.</p><p>She had 6 messages. 3 were from Mila, which she responded to immediately, 1 from her mother asking her if she was still coming over today, 1 from Quinn thanking her for the night and saying she'd let herself out because she had work (how the hell was Quinn functioning enough to work today) and 1 from her girlfriend.</p><p>
  <strong>From: Brittany</strong>
</p><p>Morning gorgeous, hope you slept well and the hangover's not too bad. I'm really sorry again about last night, hope you're not too mad at me! I'll text you when I've got a break and call you later. Love you!</p><p>Santana frowned. What was Brittany apologising for? Then it all hit her. Her drunken behaviour last night. Poor Britt having to put up with that. Suddenly she felt her bruised ego hurting even more than her head, and she quickly tapped out a reply.</p><p>
  <strong>From: Santana</strong>
</p><p>Babe, please don't apologise! You have nothing to be sorry for. It was all me, being a drunken horny idiot. Remind me to never, ever let Quinn convince me to open up a third bottle of wine. I'm paying for it now, with both my ego and my head. I'm going to my Mom's today, then Mila is back home tonight. Speak to you later, love you too xxx</p><p>Not wanting to leave her mom waiting too much longer, Santana reluctantly hauled herself out of the bed. Usually, she would just take a quick shower, but by the way she was feeling she knew she needed more than that, so she ran herself a hot bubble bath with the hope it would make her feel more human.</p><p>As she sank bank into the warm water, her mind naturally drifted to her girlfriend, as it often did. She sure had been a drunken pest last night, but she really did miss intimacy with her girlfriend. A mischievous smile flitted across her face, and she snapped a photo of herself in the bath, bubbles barely covering the areas she was sure Brittany would most desire to see.</p><p>
  <strong>To: Brittany</strong>
</p><p>IMG_5456</p><p>Wish you were here baby x</p><p>She looked at her phone, willing Brittany to respond, even though she knew Brittany was at work and couldn't.</p><p>"Just five more days Santana" she told herself "five more days".</p><hr/><p>It had taken a lot of coffee after her bath to pull Santana around to the point she was able to sit vertical at her mom's table. She made sure to visit Maribel at least once a week, and where she could she'd always visit more, but sometimes that was easier said than done. Especially since Dani left, it was so hard juggling everything now she was on her own.</p><p>Santana did at least make sure she called her several times a day though.</p><p>"You look tired Mija" Maribel noted, taking in her daughter's appearance, the bags under her eyes prominent.</p><p>"I feel it" Santana agreed, stifling a yawn "Sorry Mom, I had a late night with Quinn last night just letting off some steam, it was needed".</p><p>"I'm glad you did that Santanita. You know I'm always saying you need to take time away from being a mom. We all need to find ways to relax and just enjoy ourselves. You always seem so tired though lately."</p><p>"I am" Santana nodded "Between being a single mom, making sure the house is clean, taking Mila to dance class, running errands for Abuela…I feel like I rarely have time to just sit and relax. I'm always on the go lately, and I've been trying to pick up extra hours at work to help with the mortgage ever since Dani left"</p><p>"Mija, if you need money, you only ever have to say…"</p><p>"No" Santana raised her hand firmly, her pride shining through "Mami, I don't need your money. I'm okay honestly, the extra hours are helping"</p><p>Maribel looked at her daughter uncertainly, but Santana continued.</p><p>"Seriously, you've done a lot for Mila and I, and we're so grateful for that. But I'm fine on my own with this, I promise".</p><p>Maribel smiled as her daughter gratefully squeezed her hand.</p><p>"Just as long as you know that you only ever have to ask if you're struggling. It shouldn't be too much longer now until your Papi's money comes through anyway. Although you did say you were potentially going to use that to go back to school…"</p><p>"Yeah, I did" Santana sighed "But whether or not that will actually happen, I'm not sure. I'd love to but, in reality, it's going to be hard work going back to school now when Mila is still young. I wanna make sure I'm there for her growing up, not stuck with my head in a book. Maybe when she's older".</p><p>"Santana, you're forgetting how well I know you. You're scared to do it so you're deflecting and making excuses. But you are more than capable of going back to school and achieving what you always wanted to. Your baby girl is growing up fast, she'll always need you, but she's not a baby anymore <em>Mija</em>. She doesn't need your undivided attention".</p><p>Santana offered a slight smile, as she let her mom's words sink in.</p><p>"Don't be afraid to chase your dreams Santana. It's all your Papi ever wanted for you"</p><p>"Thanks Mom" Santana smiled, offering Maribel another grateful squeeze of the hand.</p><p>"Plus, I was thinking…you might have less on your plate in the near future. I know right now it feels like you're being pulled in every direction, and ever since your Papi passed you've been a rock to me, but...the truth is Santana; you should be getting on with your own life. You're so busy all the time, and I see how you try and make things work to be here for me all the time, to make sure I'm not alone. But I worry that it's having an effect on you. I won't be a burden to my own children…"</p><p>"Mami, you could never be a burden!" Santana protested sternly.</p><p>"I know, I knew you'd say that. But I know you, and I know you spend too much time worrying about me. I can hear the guilt in your voice if you can't visit as much one week. I can see how you stress about every little upcoming milestone, how you're going to compensate for the first birthday, the first anniversary. But that shouldn't fall on you"</p><p>"I'm your daughter and I love you, of course I'm going to be there for you. Family is the most important thing for me, and we need to get through this together".</p><p>Maribel sighed, she really didn't want to have to admit what she was about to, because she knew it would hurt Santana and that she would only blame herself.</p><p>"I'm lonely Mija" she admitted, and she felt instantly guilty as she saw the hurt flash in Santana's eyes "But that's not your fault. I was supposed to be travelling around Europe right now, I thought for the time being I was finished with Lima. All this with your dad, it's just made me realise that maybe I should chase my dream, before it's too late"</p><p>By now Santana was in panic mode. All she had heard in everything Maribel said was the part about her being lonely, and she wanted to fix that.</p><p>"Okay, listen, you can move in with me. We have the space, you can have the biggest room with the en-suite and I'll switch, I always preferred the other bedroom anyway. Mila will love having you there the whole time, and I'll really appreciate the extra company too, and…"</p><p>"Santana, sweetheart, shh calm down" Maribel hushed gently "I appreciate that a lot, I really do, but I can't do that. You have your own life, you're in a new relationship, you don't want me cramping your style. This is more than that for me. I think I need to get out of Lima, do something I've always wanted to do"</p><p>"And what's that?"</p><p>"I'm thinking of moving to Cincinnati"</p><p>"What!?"</p><p>"I've always wanted to live in the big city and to be by the water and visiting Pablo the other week really solidified that. I think I could be really happy there".</p><p>"But you can't be happy here with me, with your granddaughter?" Santana asked, unable to hide her shock and hurt.</p><p>"Of course, you and my <em>bebita</em> make me so, so happy. You bring me so much joy. But when you're not around I just feel like I'm counting down the days until I next see you. I'm not living anymore. I just exist, and I need to get some elements of my life back. It's what your father would want, and it's what I want. If his unexpected passing has taught me anything, it's to 'seize the day' and go for your dreams because, you never know when your time is going to be over"</p><p>Santana sighed as she listened to Maribel. She understood her completely, because the limbo feeling she was describing was the exact same way she felt when she wasn't with Brittany.</p><p>"Plus, your brother has more free time than you do. His Florist business is doing really well, and he can be a lot more flexible. I can spend some time with Sarah too, and when they're busy I have this whole new city to explore and get to know, instead of just sitting here missing your dad"</p><p>"So, it is my fault that you're moving" Santana swallowed the lump in her throat and looked down "I've not been there for you enough, and now you feel like you need to move and be near Pablo…"</p><p>"No Mija, not at all" Maribel responded, gently lifting Santana by the chin so she'd look at her again "you have been amazing, and I don't know how I would have gotten through the past 6 months without you. Yes, I feel lonely here, but it's deeper than what you think. Even if you and Mila were around here every day, I'd probably still feel the same way. Wherever I go in Lima now, I'm just reminded of all the memories shared with your Papi. I just…need a fresh start. Do you understand?"</p><p>Santana nodded, and though she still felt guilty, she did get it. She was going to ask about her abuela, but she knew Alma was well looked after by her other children and her grandchildren, it wasn't like she relied on Maribel.</p><p>"I'm not going yet, there are still things to sort out. And when I do go, I'll be back all the time to visit you and Mila and Abuela, and you can all come visit me. It's only two hours away".</p><p>"Just as long as you're happy, Mom" Santana said sincerely.</p><p>"I will get there Mija, I think doing this is going to make me happy, now come here and give your Mami a hug"</p><p>Santana fell into her mother's arms, grateful of the comfort, her eyes closing as she appreciated the embrace.</p><p>"Just one more thing" Maribel whispered, "Make sure you follow your dreams and start living your life for you too, don't do what your father and I did and leave it too late".</p><p>And as always, Santana listened to her mom's wise words, and of course she thought about Brittany and the fact she wasn't living the life with her that she truly wanted. She knew what she wanted; she just didn't know how to get there.</p><hr/><p>After spending the day with her mom, Santana returned home around dinner time, waiting for Puck to drop Mila back home. She couldn't deny she was feeling a little down still about her mom moving, like she had let her down in some way, despite Maribel protesting otherwise. Her phone ringing took her out of her thoughts, and she was surprised to see it was Brittany. It was only 6pm, and she never called at this time.</p><p>"Hey babe, did you get an extra break?"</p><p>"Nope I actually got an early finish, we're on track so, Kurt decided we should all take the evening off"</p><p>"That's awesome! You could really do with the break. Tell me about your day?"</p><p>"Later San. Right now, I want us to do something else" Brittany said, before lowering her voice "I got your photo earlier…"</p><p>"What photo?" Santana frowned.</p><p>"You know" Brittany let out a raspy laugh "the one of you in the bath"</p><p>"Oh!" Santana said, remembering the photo from earlier. She had forgotten all about that until now.</p><p>"Well, <em>I</em> happen to be in a bath of my own right now..." Brittany purred seductively.</p><p>Santana swallowed uneasily. She felt awful for it, but she really wasn't feeling this right now. She'd sent that photo to Brittany hours ago, and since then had found out about her mom moving out of town, which had really put a dampener on her mood.</p><p>"Brit sorry I... I'm not in the mood right now"</p><p>She heard some shuffling at the other end of the phone, before Brittany's concerned voice came through the speaker.</p><p>"Is everything okay?"</p><p>"It's just been a long day. I don't have time to go into everything right now because Puck is on his way to drop Mila home, but I'll call you later when she's in bed and tell you everything then."</p><p>"Oh yeah course, that's fine! As long as you're okay though?" said Brittany, trying not to sound too disappointed.</p><p>"I'll be fine. I should go though, Puck just got here" said Santana, glancing out the window to see Puck's car pull up.</p><p>"Okay. I could probably do with going too actually. I said I'd meet Denver tonight, go over some of the things for the annulment. He just wants me to be fully prepped in case it ends up going to court. Send my love to Moo, and don't forget to call me later"</p><p>"I won't babe"</p><p>"And San?"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Love you" Brittany said simply, sensing that her girlfriend was somewhat deflated and feeling bad she couldn't be there.</p><p>"Love you too, Brit" Santana sighed, managing a slight smile.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Monday</strong>
</p><p>Santana had felt better Sunday evening when she had gotten around to calling Brittany back, after putting Mila to bed. She told her everything about her mom and the move and how she thought it was her fault, and of course just as Maribel did, Brittany assured her otherwise. It always made her feel better when she spoke to her girlfriend, and she was counting down the days to seeing her.</p><p>It was hard to keep quite so upbeat the next day when Mila was in such a bad mood. It was becoming quite the occurrence on a Monday morning now, where Mila would act up like this all because she suddenly didn't like school anymore. She'd raised her concerns with Maribel the day before, who was convinced it was just a phase, one that Santana herself had been through at around the same age.</p><p>"Can't I just say home with you today?" Mila pleaded.</p><p>"You've gotta go to school baby. You know this"</p><p>"Yes but..."</p><p>"No. No buts Mila" Santana said sternly, and the little girl looked down and pouted.</p><p>"What is it Meels? Is something bothering you at school that's making you not like it anymore? Is the work too hard? Are people picking on you?" Santana asked softly, squeezing Mila's hand as she waited nervously for an answer.</p><p>Mila shook her head.</p><p>"I just wanted to spend the day with you, because I haven't seen you all weekend. That's all".</p><p>"Oh sweetheart, and I would love to spend the day with you too, you know I would. But school is important, and I have to go to work. But we have the weekend coming up don't we? We'll have lots of fun then".</p><p>Mila nodded, but still looked uncertain.</p><p>"Come on, go upstairs and brush your teeth. Before you know it, it'll be Friday and we'll be on that plane to New York ready for a great weekend with Aunty Brit".</p><p>The little girl did as she was asked, and Santana let out a sigh. She hated feeling like she was being cruel, but what else could she do in this situation?</p><p>She sifted through the letters while she waited for Mila to come back downstairs, nothing exciting, just bills, bills and more bills.</p><p>What concerned Santana, was how many of these bills were turning into the angry type with bold red writing saying, "Final Notice". She had lied to her mom when she said she was okay for money, even with the extra money, she was struggling to keep her head above water now she was on her own. She knew her mom would be happy to help, she knew her girlfriend would be too, but Santana wasn't going to tell either of them. This was her problem, her mess, and her responsibility to find a way out of it.</p><p>"Ready Mama!" said Mila, breaking Santana out from her thoughts.</p><p>"Okay good, let's get going!" Santana said enthusiastically, stuffing the letters in the draw, where all the other letters were collecting. She'd deal with them another day.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Tuesday</strong>
</p><p>Santana straightened her shirt nervously as she headed towards Steve Brooks' office. Steve was the director at the legal firm she worked at, the big dog. He was always extremely busy, so if he asked to see you, it meant something important, so Santana was worried. What if she was about to lose her job in a time where she was already struggling to make ends meet? She was a great worker, had been here a long time, and saw no reason as to why she'd lose her job, but she was also aware redundancies could happen and that if they were to happen, she was at the very bottom of the food chain and likely to go first. Easily disposable.</p><p>When she arrived, she was surprised to see Mr Brook's office door already ajar. She knocked politely and poked her head in.</p><p>"Mr Brooks, you wanted to see me?"</p><p>"Ah yes, Santana, do come in. And shut the door behind you please"</p><p>Santana swallowed nervously, as she took a seat in front of the man who held all the power.</p><p>"When I hired you what, 5/6 years ago now? I hired you because I could see ambition in you. You mentioned you wanted to be a Lawyer".</p><p>"That's right Mr Brooks"</p><p>"And do you still want to be a Lawyer?"</p><p>"I would love to, but without a college degree and a ticket to Law School, it's pretty hard to actually get there" Santana replied truthfully.</p><p>"Do you feel that working here has enabled you to progress towards that career path?"</p><p>"Oh, absolutely!" said Santana, mindful that she wanted to come across grateful "even though what I do is largely administrative, I get to see how everything works and fits together".</p><p>"Well, we want to give you a bit more than that" Steve explained "There's a Paralegal role coming up. We haven't advertised it yet, because I wanted to give you the heads up first. It sits under Priya Khan, and if you were to go for the role and be successful, you'd have the opportunity to take on your own small caseload and work solely with Priya on more streamlined legal matters, as opposed to what you're doing now where you're spread across the whole team, but the work is purely administrative".</p><p>"That sounds great!" Santana enthused.</p><p>"There will be a salary increase involved, and it may mean longer hours at times, but I'm aware you're doing that anyway at the moment and taking your work home with you. I'm going to be honest Santana, usually we would offer the position to someone with a stronger educational background. The market is so competitive at the moment, so generally we'd look for applicants to be OSBA certified or to have a college degree, but you've always been an asset to the team, and we'd like to do something that gets you forward in your career path".</p><p>Santana could barely contain her excitement. A step towards what she actually wanted to do for a career without having to go back to school, and a salary increase.</p><p>"Oh, thank you so much Mr Brooks, the role sounds awesome! I won't let you down, I swear".</p><p>"Just to be clear you will still have to go through all the official channels and apply formally. We'll advertise externally and internally, but we're extremely confident in your ability to secure the position".</p><p>"I understand. Thank you again for thinking of me, and for giving me the heads up!"</p><p>"Don't thank me, this was all Priya's idea. She saw great potential in you, and she suggested that we try you out for the role".</p><p>Santana raised her eyebrows in surprise. She hadn't had much to do with the new Lawyer, Priya Khan, and anytime she did she felt Priya was rude and slightly full of herself. Now she felt bad for having this misconception of her.</p><p>"Now what I'm going to suggest Santana, is that we do a bit of a trial run this week. I'm going to relieve you of your normal duties, and have you assist Priya instead. She has a tight deadline to meet Friday for one of her cases, so I want you to help her with that and we'll see how you get on. If you can prove you're up to the challenge, there's a high chance you'll be favourable candidate for the Paralegal position when it comes around to applying. Think you're up to it?"</p><p>"Yes sir!" Santana smiled, eyes shining with enthusiasm. She had to get this role, and she was about to do everything in her power to make sure of it.</p><hr/><p>It had been a busy morning at work, and Santana was really enjoying herself learning from Priya and getting to assist on the case she was working on, even if it was just a small one. It made her feel important, and like she was actually getting somewhere rather than just doing the same thing day in, day out.</p><p>Priya was actually really nice under her tough, no-nonsense Lawyer demeanour, and Santana felt bad for judging her and getting her so wrong.</p><p>Santana had even worked through her lunch break today, to show how committed and hard-working she was. Priya had just returned from her own lunch break, impressed by Santana's willingness to work through and seizing the opportunity to take a break if Santana was going to hold the fort, something she rarely got chance to do. She was just about to ask Santana how she was getting on, when Santana's phone started vibrating loudly, causing the Latina to blush.</p><p>"I'm so sorry!" said Santana, pulling out her phone to silence it, but on doing so she realised it was Mila's school. "Actually...it's my daughters' school, do you mind if I take this?"</p><p>"Go ahead!" Priya smiled kindly, earning a grateful smile back from Santana. As Priya settled down at her desk and started shuffling through paperwork, Santana quickly answered the call.</p><p>"Santana speaking" she said into the handset.</p><p>"Miss Lopez, hi! This is Mrs Endersby calling from your daughter's school. I'm afraid Mila's had a bit of an incident, and we're going to need you to come and collect her".</p><p>Santana immediately froze.</p><p>"An incident? What kind of incident?"</p><p>"She's taken quite a nasty fall in her lunch break, the school nurse is with her just now, but if you can get here as soon as possible because we're not sure if she might need further medical attention".</p><p>"I'll be there as quick as I can!" Santana breathed, hanging up the phone and turning apologetically towards Priya. She knew this didn't look great on her first day working with her, and this job was so important to her, but first and foremost she was a mom.</p><p>"Go! I heard everything. Don't worry about anything here, you've been great today" Priya assured.</p><p>"I'm so sorry, this won't happen again"</p><p>"I understand Santana. I'm a mother too, I have an 18-month-old. Go and collect your daughter, we can resume here tomorrow. Just be here bright and early".</p><p>Santana quickly thanked Priya again and rushed out the building towards her car. She was headed in the direction of Mila's school, when they called again. She navigated the Bluetooth speaker system and took the call.</p><p>"Hello?"</p><p>"Sorry Miss Lopez, we've had to send Mila to hospital. Her injuries are worse than we thought. Can you meet there instead?"</p><p>Santana's blood ran cold thinking about her baby.</p><p>"I'm on my way!" she said, grip tightening on the steering wheel as she turned the car in the other direction and sped off towards the hospital.</p><hr/><p>"Hi- my daughter, she just got here. Mila Grace Lopez, March 4th 2009 is her date of birth..." Santana began quickly, breathless from the way she had ran all the way from the car.</p><p>The receptionist raised her hand to try and calm the frantic Latina, but before she could respond a teacher from Mila's school appeared.</p><p>"Miss Lopez? I'm Miss Collins one of the Teaching Assistants at Mila's school, I travelled here with her, if you come with me, I'll explain everything".</p><p>As they walked down the corridor, the young Teaching Assistant began filling Santana in.</p><p>"She took a fall on her lunch break, fell down quite badly on her ankle. She has a nasty cut on her arm from where she tried to protect herself from the fall, and we thought it might need stitches, but the nurse seems to think it looks nastier than it actually is. Her ankle is a bit more of a concern though, she was in a lot of pain and said she heard a crack, so we're worried it could be broken. She's in X-Ray right now, they don't let anyone in the room with her for that, but she's in good hands".</p><p>Santana rubbed circles on her temples to calm herself. As a dancer, Mila had always been relatively lucky when it came to injuries, but a broken ankle could have big repercussions and Santana knew that would kill Mila to have to give up what she loved. She could only hope it was a clean break, and easily fixed, or better still just a sprain.</p><p>"Was she upset?" Santana asked, the thought of her daughter in pain without her being enough to bring tears to her eyes.</p><p>"She was pretty hysterical at first, but she calmed down a bit when she knew you were on the way. I think what was upsetting her most is that she doesn't want to miss any dancing. She was telling us all about the competitions she has coming up. But she's young and agile, I'm sure she'll bounce back just fine".</p><p>"Well thank you for being with her, and getting her here so quickly"</p><p>"That's okay, it's all part of my job. I should really get back now though; will you be okay here?"</p><p>"Yeah, I got it from here. Thank you again" Santana smiled.</p><p>After saying her goodbyes to Miss Collins, Santana sat down and nervously waited for her daughter to come out of her X-Ray, pulling out her phone to fill Brittany in.</p><p>
  <strong>To: Brittany</strong>
</p><p>Mila fell down at school, we're in the ER! x</p><p>Not 5 minutes later, Brittany was calling her, and Santana felt bad that she had clearly panicked Brittany enough to pull her away from her busy day at work.</p><p>"Hey baby"</p><p>"Is Mila okay? Is she hurt bad? What happened?"</p><p>"It's okay Brit, calm down. She's going to be fine. She had a bad fall at school and went over on her ankle. It looks like it might be broken, I'm just waiting for her to come out of X-Ray now".</p><p>"Oh, my poor little angel. Are you okay? You must have been worried sick when the school called and told you that". Brittany noted, knowing all too well how Santana panicked.</p><p>"I'll be a lot better when I see her. She shouldn't be too long now" Santana sighed "I just really hope this doesn't affect her dancing; you know? I'm praying that it's just a sprain rather than a break, that'll be better right?"</p><p>"Not always honey. Sometimes a sprain can actually be worse. Depending on how it's broken they can heal quite nicely, but with a sprain if the ligaments are damaged, that can cause permanent weakness".</p><p>"Oh God Brit, if she has to give up dance, she's going to be devastated. It'll break her heart".</p><p>"Let's not worry about that right now until we know what we're dealing with. Dancers injure themselves all the time and bounce right back. We'll know better when we have the X-Ray. Can you do me a favour and send me a photo when you get them, so that I can take a look? The doctors are the experts medically, but they don't always know what's best from a dance perspective. I want to make sure we don't cut any corners".</p><p>"Sure, that would make me feel so much better if you looked over them" Santana admitted "I just wish my dad was still here".</p><p>"I know you do sweetie" Brittany sympathised "San, I'm really, really sorry but I'm going to have to go okay? I just took 5 minutes as soon as I saw the word ER, but I've got so much on today, and if we don't get it done, we'll lose the half day off tomorrow".</p><p>"Of course, you go do what you need to do, and thank you for calling even though you're so busy".</p><p>"Always. You two are my priority, I've told you this. I'll make sure I have my phone on me, so keep me updated and text me those X-Rays as soon as you get them. Give Moo a big kiss and a cuddle from me".</p><p>Another long 10 minutes went by before the nurse appeared and told Santana that Mila was back from her X-Ray and was being taken to a ward until a doctor would talk through the results.</p><p>When she got to the ward and saw Mila sitting in the bed with her leg propped up and her eyes all teary, Santana's heart broke. The nurse pulled the curtain around them for some privacy and left them to it.</p><p>"Mama!" Mila cried out as soon as she caught sight of her mother, tears overcoming her again just as she had started to calm down.</p><p>"I'm here baby, it's okay" Santana soothed, rushing towards the 11-year-old "I've got you now"</p><p>Santana pulled back to look at Mila's blotchy face, stroking her cheeks with her thumbs.</p><p>"The nurse said my ankle might be broken" Mila sniffed, her browns eyes were sad and filled with unshed tears.</p><p>"I know sweetheart, but if it is, it's okay. That's why we brought you here, to fix it".</p><p>"But what about dance? My competition. Or what if I never get to dance again?" Mila asked, face crumpling all over again</p><p>"Shh baby, let's not think about that right now. We don't know what we're dealing with yet until we've spoken with the doctor" Santana said softly, echoing Brittany's earlier words.</p><p>"It hurts Mama"</p><p>"I know darling" Santana lulled, placing a kiss on top of her daughter's head "I'm going to speak to the nurse, see if she can get you something for the pain. Let me take a look at your arm".</p><p>Mila held it up to show her mom, who let out a sympathetic groan before placing a soft kiss on it, careful not to touch the cut.</p><p>"What were you doing Moo? Did you trip over something?"</p><p>"I was running in the playground" Mila shrugged "I won't run anymore though, I promise"</p><p>"It's okay, accidents happen sweetheart. You're a kid, you're supposed to run around and have fun. The main thing is that you're alright, broken bones can always be fixed".</p><p>Suddenly the cheery nurse pulled back the curtain and entered the bay they were in.</p><p>"Hi nurse, can we get her something for the pain please? Her ankle seems to be hurting her a lot"</p><p>"Yes, we're going to sort all that out now for you while you speak to the doctor. If you just want to sit in this chair here for me Mila, and we'll take you both through to the consultant to discuss your X-Ray" said the nurse, helping Mila out of the trolley bed she was in, and into the wheelchair.</p><p>After exchanging pleasantries with the consultant, Santana gestured towards the X-Ray's pinned up on the board and asked if it would be okay to send a photo over to Brittany, explaining the situation that Brittany was her girlfriend and about Mila's dancing. The consultant agreed, and pretty much straight away, Brittany had text back.</p><p>
  <strong>From: Brittany</strong>
</p><p>Are you talking through it now with the doctor?x</p><p>When Santana responded that she was, her phone started ringing.</p><p>"Hello?"</p><p>"Hey San, I stepped away for 10 minutes, the associates are holding the fort. Put me on speaker please so that I can hear everything the doctor's saying".</p><p>Santana's heart was warmed at how once again Brittany had proven she would drop everything for them. She cared so much for them, and it made Santana feel so protected, even if they were at different ends of the country.</p><p>"Well first of all, it's not broken, so we don't have to worry about surgery or any of that" the consultant explained.</p><p>"Oh, thank God!" Santana let out a sigh of relief. She hadn't even mentioned surgery so not to panic Mila, but she knew it was a possibility, and she was incredibly thankful that this wasn't going to be the case, or that she didn't have to go through the pain of having her bone set back in place.</p><p>"It's what we call a Grade 2 sprain, which means there's been some ligament damage, but not a full rupture".</p><p>"Grade 2 is good San" Brittany explained, referring solely to the fact it would more than likely mean a full recovery and that Mila wouldn't have to give up dancing.</p><p>"What does this mean for her dancing?" Santana asked the consultant, feeling encouraged by Brittany's words.</p><p>"Well, she'll be out for 4-6 weeks, but it shouldn't affect her long term. She'll probably experience some weakness at first, but as she gets back into it, the muscle will start to build up again. Where it becomes chronic is when people ignore the advice and don't rest it. Taking 4-6 weeks off it will aid a full recovery, but many sports people or dancers are eager to rush back because they think they're up to it, but then we see them back here months later and the ankle is playing up constantly for them".</p><p>"Does this mean I'll miss my competition?" Mila pouted, eyes filling with tears as she looked up at her mom.</p><p>"Yes darling, I'm sorry. But you heard what the doctor said. It's better to miss a competition and make a full recovery, than go back too soon and risk hurting it long term".</p><p>"The more you stay off the foot, the better it's going to be for you, okay?" the doctor explained to the little girl, who nodded reluctantly, before addressing Santana again as he pointed to the X-Ray "you'll see here that there's a fair amount of swelling, so I want her to stay completely off it over the next couple of days, no school for the rest of the week, keep the foot elevated and well iced".</p><p>"We have a trip to New York planned on Friday evening; will she be good for that?"</p><p>"Yes, as long as you rest it and keep it elevated until then, she should be fine. You should notice the swelling start to decrease, but nothing too strenuous when you're there. The more we can keep her off the foot, the better. I'm going to give her some crutches, and she should use these for the next 10 days. I'll book a follow up for around 14 days from now, and we can take a look at how it's healing".</p><p>"Doctor we'll take the crutches, but can we also get her a boot? I want her to be able to keep walking on it if possible as soon as the swelling's gone down, to keep the strength up as much as we can. A boot should allow her to do that whilst giving her adequate support right?" Brittany asked.</p><p>"That's right, we can sort out a boot for her. The nurse is also sorting out some strong pain medication for Mila to take over the next couple of days, when the pain will be at its worst".</p><p>The consultant explained everything else he needed to, about the pain meds, the potential side effects and the next follow up, before excusing himself to see another patient while Santana and Mila waited for the nurse to come with the crutches, boot and pain medication.</p><p>"Well, that's good news" Santana sighed to Brittany, while ruffling Mila's hair.</p><p>"I know, I'm so glad it's a Grade 2 rather than a Grade 3 or a bad break. We'll have her back in that dance studio in no time" said Brittany "Babe I need to go in a minute, will you put Moo on before I go? I just want to speak to her quickly".</p><p>"Sure" Santana smiled, before passing the phone over to Mila. Her heart was warmed once more watching the two of them interact. She really couldn't wait to spend some family time at the weekend, even if it meant just spending the whole time in Brittany's apartment where Mila could rest her ankle.</p><p>She couldn't help the niggle inside of her though when she thought about Mila being off school for the next three days. Her two usual options for looking after Mila, were out of town. Maribel had gone to Cincinnati again to visit Pablo, and scope the place out some more before her move, and Quinn was in New York by now. Usually, she would take the time off, but she needed to be there this week to help Priya. She needed this pay rise desperately.</p><p>She could only hope that Puck would step up and be more a father, less a casual babysitter.</p><p>
  <strong>Wednesday</strong>
</p><p>Santana looked at her watch and sighed, it was almost 8am, and she still hadn't heard from Puck after trying him several times last night. He was utterly useless. How could he just ignore his phone like this? What if it was something really urgent about Mila?</p><p>She knew time was ticking to find someone to look after Mila, and that pretty soon she was going to have to call into work and admit defeat. Mila was already uneasy last night not knowing where she was going and who was looking after her until morning, proclaiming she just wanted to stay at home.</p><p>For a second, Santana considered calling Dani, but she was too stubborn after the way she had acted over Mila's birthday. She knew it was entirely her fault for any bridges burned there. She knew Dani would be more than happy to look after Mila, and Mila would probably be delighted too, but then she figured Dani would probably be working all day and it was too short notice to ask her to just drop everything.</p><p>Admitting defeat, she picked up her phone and called work, hoping they would be understanding. After what seemed like forever, she was finally put through to Steve.</p><p>"Mr Brooks, Hi, It's Santana"</p><p>"Ah hello Santana, how are you this morning?"</p><p>"I'm good thank you, but I do have a bit of bad news. You might have heard from Priya yesterday about my daughter. She took a fall at school and she's sprained her ankle, and the doctor has said I need to keep her off school the rest of the week. Problem is there's no one to look after her other than me, and I know that I'm supposed to be helping Priya this week, but my hands are tied here. I'm so sorry to let you down".</p><p>"Ah that is unfortunate. Very unfortunate. But what choice do we have? You have parental responsibilities and though I don't have children myself, I understand that".</p><p>"Thank you, Mr Brooks, I really appreciate your understanding"</p><p>"Of course. I can't discriminate you for having a child, that wouldn't be ethical or lawful. You do understand though, that this will likely affect your chances in securing the Paralegal position. We're going to have to ask one of the other EA's to step in and help Priya, and of course you're welcome to still apply, but you may not have as much running in your favour now".</p><p>Santana's heart sank with the disappointment. Up until that point, Steve had been pretty understanding, so she'd hoped it wouldn't affect her in the running for the new role.</p><p>"I thought that might be the case, yeah" Santana admitted, trying not to sound as crushed as she was.</p><p>"I'm sorry Santana, it's just that I think we need someone who can fully commit to this role. That's why we do trial runs, to allow for issues like this to show themselves. Maybe next time though?"</p><p>"Yeah...maybe next time"</p><p>Usually, Santana would go all Lima Heights, and rage that her daughter wasn't "an issue" or an experiment in a trial run, but she was so disheartened and worried about keeping her head above water with the influx of bills and overdue payments, that she didn't have any fight left in her.</p><p>After hanging up the phone to Steve, she went to go check on Mila, knowing that seeing her daughter would perk her up a bit. When she got to her room, she was surprised to see Mila out of bed already.</p><p>"Moo, what are you doing out of bed? You should have called me if you wanted to get up. You know you're not supposed to be on your foot" said Santana, walking over towards the bed to where her sheepish looking daughter was standing.</p><p>She frowned as she realised Mila appeared to be hiding something. Half of the blankets were on the floor in a crumpled mess, and when she looked over Mila's shoulder, she saw the sheets were all wet. Mila was clearly trying to hide the mess but wasn't quite managing because of her height.</p><p>"Did you spill something?" Santana asked, looking around for a glass on the bedside table, but as Mila bit her lip nervously cheeks flooding crimson, it hit her. No wonder Mila looked like she was hiding something. Santana bent down to Mila's level and gently asked her.</p><p>"Sweetheart, did you wet the bed?"</p><p>"I'm sorry" Mila admitted tearfully "I was just trying to clean it up before you saw, I was going to put everything in the washing machine..."</p><p>Santana cut off her daughter's frantic explanations. She was so like her in that manner, the way she'd ramble on and needed to be calmed.</p><p>"It's okay Meels, it's okay. You don't have to be embarrassed or hide this from me" Santana said softly. It broke her heart to think about Mila trying to get everything clean on her own "Is this the first time this has happened?"</p><p>Mila nodded, and Santana believed her. She would have known if Mila had been secretly changing the sheets or hiding them.</p><p>"Sweetheart, you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about okay? Accidents happen. You're not in any trouble, so please don't worry. And please don't think you can't come to me if something like this happens".</p><p>"I'm not a baby though, I swear. I don't want to have to start wearing diapers again"</p><p>"Of course, you're not, and of course you don't have to wear diapers. This is just a very small mishap. I think maybe what's happened here, is that you've needed the toilet in the night, but your ankle was hurting you and your brains told you not to get up and go to the toilet".</p><p>"But I don't even remember"</p><p>"That happens when we sleep, we don't always remember everything the next day. Remember when I told you about Aunty Brit dancing in her sleep, and how I'd always tell her about it in the morning, and she'd never remember".</p><p>"Yeah, that's so funny that Aunty Brit does that" Mila giggled.</p><p>"See, this is what we want! A nice big smile back on that beautiful face" said Santana, cupping Mila's face with her hands, before placing a kiss on her forehead and pulling her into a hug "Don't worry about any of this my angel. Let's get you cleaned up and then we can have a Mama and Mila day".</p><p>"I don't have to go to Dad's house?"</p><p>"No, I'm staying right here with you".</p><p>Mila smiled and cuddled in closer to her mom, and Santana was happy to see her daughter looking a lot lighter.</p><hr/><p>Santana felt a slight relief when she checked on Mila to find she had fallen asleep, because it meant she could call Brittany, who was on a half day. They had plans to FaceTime later tonight, but after the stress of the week, all she wanted to do was hear her girlfriend's voice, and she knew Brittany would be home by now because she finished around an hour ago.</p><p>In New York, Brittany was spending the afternoon with Denver talking through the final logistics of the annulment paperwork. They were doing everything in their power to avoid a court hearing, so Denver wanted everything to be slick, and Brittany was grateful that he was giving her his time like this. It was a headache to go through, so naturally seeing her girlfriend's name pop up on the screen brought a smile to her face, but she knew she needed to get this done because Denver needed to leave soon to pick his son up from school.</p><p>"Sorry Den, I'll just quickly take this" said Brittany, before answering the call and pressing the phone to her ear "Hey honey, am I okay to give you a call back? I'm just with Denver right now, sorting all the legal stuff, unless it's urgent?".</p><p>Having not received a response, Brittany frowned.</p><p>"Are you still there?"</p><p>Santana was still there, but she just didn't know what to say. All she had wanted to do was speak to Brittany, and all that was standing out to her was the fact that she couldn't right now, because <em>her </em>girlfriend was spending time with her ex-boyfriend, for the second time this week.</p><p>"Well, you know, I just wanted to speak to my girlfriend and hear her voice after having a really shitty week but, but I guess that's not <em>urgent</em> enough"</p><p>"You're mad" Brittany noted.</p><p>"Mad? No. But concerned? I'm not sure, should I be? Because this is the 2nd time this week that you've been with him, meanwhile I'm stuck on the other side of the country and I can't even call you. I mean, I don't know Brit, should I be worried that you're constantly around your ex-boyfriend, you two seem pretty cosy..."</p><p>Brittany could hear the stress in her girlfriend's voice, and it always upset her to see just how insecure Santana was. She left the room for some privacy, but she could already tell by Denver's face that he had overheard their conversation.</p><p>"Babe come on; you know why I've been with Denver so much this week. We're sorting through things for the annulment, it's not like we're just hanging out. Of course, I'd rather be speaking to you, but I need to get this done before Denver leaves to pick up Jacob".</p><p>"Well how much time does it need to take? You don't want to be married to Sam, he doesn't want to be married to you, end of. Sign the piece of paper and get it over with". Santana knew she was being completely irrational and taking her awful week out on Brittany, but now she was in this mood she couldn't snap out of it.</p><p>"I wish it was that simple..."</p><p>"I just don't like you spending so much time with him. I don't trust his motives".</p><p>"Christ Santana, Denver and I were over years ago" Brittany sighed in frustration "But more importantly, I love you. I only want to be with you, and I would never do anything to jeopardise our relationship, and it hurts me that you'd even think that. That's why I'm spending so much time with Denver. Not because he's my ex-boyfriend or because I want to hang out with him, but because I'm so committed to you and I don't want that to be tainted by being married to someone else, even if it is just a bit of paper".</p><p>Santana listened carefully, she knew Brittany loved her and she knew she would never cheat on her and that she was being unreasonable. She just missed her so much and was finding the long-distance hard on top of everything else this week. Mila's bed-wetting incident and seeing her child so distressed had been the last straw, and she just wanted her girlfriend's support, so to call her and hear that she was yet again with her ex-boyfriend so couldn't speak, had stirred up some real jealous feelings in Santana.</p><p>How was Denver getting to spend more time with Brittany than she was?</p><p>Even thinking about their relationship made Santana feel jealous, because they had bought a house together and lived together and got to do all the little things that Santana craved like come home to one another after a long day at work.</p><p>Santana knew that none of this was Brittany's fault, and inside she felt bad for her outburst, but she was also stubborn as hell.</p><p>"Yeah, well whatever, I won't keep you too long. I'll let you get back to <em>him</em> since my call isn't <em>urgent</em> enough"</p><p>"Santana don't be like this" Brittany whined.</p><p>"Bye Brit, I'll speak to you later" Santana sighed.</p><p>Feeling dejected, Brittany headed back into the living room where Denver was still seated at the table.</p><p>"Everything okay?" Denver asked, as she sat back down at the table.</p><p>"Yep, everything's fine." Brittany responded bluntly.</p><p>"I couldn't help but overhear you two arguing. If you want to talk about it, I'm all ears".</p><p>"I don't really want to discuss my relationship with you to be honest Denver, I'd rather just get on and get this finished" said Brittany, growing more frustrated, the argument she'd had with her girlfriend decreasing her own mood.</p><p>"Okay, understood." said Denver, holding his hands up "But just so you know Brittany, controlling relationships aren't healthy. You deserve better".</p><p>"Don't!" said Brittany sternly, slamming her pen down "Don't imply my relationship is something it's not Denver, you know nothing about us. My girlfriend is not controlling, she's loving and kind and supportive. She just doesn't like the idea of me hanging around with my ex-boyfriend that's all, and I mean for good reason, because speaking of controlling relationships let's take a look at our history. Really, that's <em>rich</em> coming from you!"</p><p>"Okay, I'm sorry, I won't stick my nose in where it's not wanted. Let's just get on with the paperwork".</p><p>"You know what actually, I think you should leave. We'll continue this another time".</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Thursday</strong>
</p><p>Brittany pulled out her phone to call Santana, desperate to speak to her and mend the tension between them that she had felt all day. Just as she suspected of her stubborn girlfriend, Santana had cancelled their FaceTime last night. She had text Brittany to say she was having an early night and didn't really feel like talking, but she had at least included a 'x' at the end.</p><p>From Santana's end, it wasn't really a lie, she really was exhausted and needed an early night to get her out of the funk she was in. She had felt much better waking up today, knowing she was only a day away from seeing Brittany, but she too could feel the unresolved tension between them as they text a couple times throughout the day, so she was relieved when she saw Brittany's name pop up on the phone.</p><p>"Hey" she said sheepishly.</p><p>"Hey you, are you up to talking tonight?"</p><p>At first Brittany got nothing, and she was worried Santana was giving her the silent treatment and still being stubborn, but then she heard Santana crying and her heart jolted.</p><p>"Santana, what's wrong?" she asked concerned.</p><p>"I'm really sorry for yesterday Brit. I really hate fighting with you, I'm just too stubborn for my own good sometimes. This week has just been such a struggle, and I miss you so much. I guess I just took my bad mood out on you, and I shouldn't have, but please forgive me?"</p><p>"Of course, I forgive you, and I understand. It kills me to think you've had such a bad week and I haven't been there to help you".</p><p>"You have helped." Santana sniffed "More than you know. I just think everything's got on top of me this week. My mom moving, Mila hurting herself, and then yesterday she wet the bed Brit. I found her trying to hide the sheets from me".</p><p>"Oh God bless her. Did she find it hard getting to the bathroom because of her ankle?"</p><p>"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what it is. I mean she never usually wets the bed, the only time she has before is when we were going through the custody battle. I don't think it's anything to be concerned about, but it was awful seeing her like that and how embarrassed she felt that she had tried to hide it from me"</p><p>"I'm sorry honey, I should have been there for you. I just so desperately want to get things sorted with the annulment"</p><p>"No don't apologise, I'm the one who should be sorry".</p><p>"Just so long as you know that I would never ever cheat on you. I don't want you to be worried about things like that".</p><p>"I know that babe, I really do. I trust you 100%, like I said I was just taking the effects of the week out on you and I was angry that I couldn't physically see you. But it was wrong of me to do that, and I'm sorry. It's just...so hard all of this" Santana sighed.</p><p>"I don't want loving me to be hard though" Brittany admitted, and Santana could hear how disheartened she sounded.</p><p>"No baby, that's not what. I meant. Loving you is easy. The easiest thing in the world. It's all of the rest that gets in the way, that's what makes it hard. You being there, me being here. Texts, FaceTime's, Phone calls, it just...isn't enough. What I really want to do is hold your hand. Kiss you, lay down with you, and fall asleep next to you".</p><p>"I know sweetheart, I feel the same way" Brittany sighed.</p><p>"You do?"</p><p>"Of course, I do. I miss you more than anything when I'm not with you"</p><p>"I thought it was just me going crazy like this. You seem to handle the long-distance thing way better than I do"</p><p>"I'm just better at hiding it" said Brittany "Someone has to be the strong one, and you've always been the more emotional one out of the two of us. I know this is tough, but we'll get through it and we'll figure something out".</p><p>"Yeah..." Santana sighed "I love you Brit. I don't want you to think that I'm having doubts or second thoughts or anything like that, because I'm not. I wish it was easier, and I wish that we didn't live so far away from each other, but I'd suffer all of that to be with you".</p><p>"Good, because you're stuck with me" said Brittany, trying to change the conversation to a lighter topic "We get to see each other tomorrow, and have the best weekend, just the three of us. Let's focus on that".</p><p>"You're right let's be positive. Not long now".</p><p>"One more sleep baby". Brittany enthused.</p><p>When Brittany had finished speaking to Santana, she pulled up her messages and quickly typed out a message.</p><p>
  <strong>To: Kurt</strong>
</p><p>I know I said originally that I might be able to do a few more days, but I definitely need to leave on the 24th as planned. I'll start on the handover stuff with Jenna on Monday x</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Friday</strong>
</p><p>The day was finally here, and if Mila wasn't injured, Santana would be running through pelt through the airport right now to greet her girlfriend. Instead, she carefully guided her daughter through the crowds of people, begrudging Mila's decision to not use a wheelchair. She insisted that she was fine with her walking boot, determined that she wanted to use her ankle as much as possible so not to lose too much strength.</p><p>As they got into the arrival's hall, Santana spotted Brittany and her heart began to flip, and suddenly Brittany was running towards her. Brittany almost knocked Santana over with the bone-crushing hug she gave her.</p><p>"Hi babe" she said pulling out of the hug and giving her a quick peck to greet her, before turning to Mila.</p><p>"And how's my little wounded soldier?"</p><p>"I'm super happy to be here Aunty Brit, I missed you so much!"</p><p>"I missed you too darling. Both of you" Brittany responded, pulling her in for a hug as she bent down.</p><p>"Come on" she said lifting Mila into her arms, and holding her on one side, while extending her free hand out to her girlfriend "Let's go home".</p><p>And even though they didn't live together, home for Brittany was Santana and Mila, and wherever they were.</p>
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